M I G R A C I Ó N شارمين @sharenitynow - Tumblr Blog

The start of the summer (today!!!!!!!) calls for a Rocket Summer mix. :)

It's 2025 and I saw the Rocket Summer play live in Durham for the first time last month. Alex wasn't here, she's living her dream in California, but she's always with me!!

sharenitynow

I shared this in 2013.

the way this dude went from the coolest person I knew to a psychopath was truly not what I was expecting at my big age.

I never told Nad, but it broke my heart when he backed out of visiting me in Lima. I dream about him often, and there will always be a part of me that has the desire to explore a life with him in it. In some capacity. Part of Waves was written about him. Paris gave me lights and gave me scars. Corny as hell, I know.

I bet he’d be shocked if he knew I cared this much. It's not an I’m in love with you boo I’m heartbroken thing. It's a I’ve always wanted to cook with you and drink wine and take pictures of you and fuck you type of feeling. Make fun of people together and laugh. But I don’t think I’m stylish enough for him to be seen with anyway.

It’s mostly that I love the shit out of that man as a person. And proximity has always been a dream, just to see how it tastes.

oldfarmhousefallfeatures

— 𝐑𝐚𝐥𝐩𝐡 𝐖𝐚𝐥𝐝𝗼 𝐄𝗺𝐞𝐫𝐬𝗼𝐧

whitecache

Weeping Flowers 11480 x 16000

who is still here?

If the conversation I had with my dad just now happened a year ago I would have been self harming by now. I would have been crying, taking his words to heart and screaming because it must be true! I must be a complete failure, every decision I’ve made in the last 15 years has been wrong, and so on. I know I do believe them in some way because the same things he says repeat in my head during dark moments but somehow today was different.

I’m hurt by what he said but it’s nothing new. It’s been rehearsed and repeated hundreds of times. It’s like an old VHS tape that continues to get rewound and replayed over and over again but finally after all of these years the images on the tape are fading and the it’s mostly grainy. It doesn’t look the same but the feeling is still there. The feeling of sadness I feel toward myself after hearing what he says has started to float away and has ended up somewhere else entirely. Now the sadness is almost deeper, the cut is no longer subcutaneous, it’s part of me and running through my bloodstream. I’m sad because instead of being happy that I’m happy, that I’m alive, that I’m not in jail or in rehab he chooses to fixate on the fact that I don’t fit into his idea of success. I’m sad and scared that he will die with that resentment, that anger, that image of me as the loser he says I am. It should only matter what I think but all of my growth and everything I’ve learned and taught myself in these years becomes second to the sadness I feel knowing how much time and energy he wastes when we could both accept we have different ideas life and what makes a person successful.

I’m scared he’ll die unhappy for no reason and that nothing I do will ever change that.

sharenitynow

Happy New year!

Feliz año nuevo!

My new years was spectacular. Juli, Nick, Steph, Carlos and I went to Ivan’s mansion/estate in Weston. We had lots and lots of wine, champagne (for my real friends), and several patron shots. I was drunk to say the least and then I whipped out the indo for a little. Juli broke her knee and then we went on a long walk. It ended up being the longest, coldest, drunkest walk of our lives. We almost got into Pdiddy’s party but Ms. Hialeah ruined our chances. After we walked back we headed to the park and got in touch with nature for a second time, which was probably a bad idea because all I remember is everything got blurry and I think I blacked out for a second while sitting on the bathroom floor (after laying on the bench became too uncomfortable). I finally convinced Juli to give me my car key so I could lay in the back seat, but I guess we ended up leaving and Steph drove my car. Got to Juli’s at 5 in the morning and passed out on her floor before actually ending up on her bed.

We woke up about an hour ago and after recharging my body with Dunkin Donuts iced coffee, I am chillin sitting at the bar watching Nick start the feast. I can’t wait for the food and I love spending days at the Martinez residence. :)

Things not allowed to be said in 2009:

- go green

- “change”

- carbon footprint

-chillin (year of specificity)

sharenitynow

lol