rain (vixx; neo; one shot)
ao3 link
The weather in Seoul had finally turned more towards fall. The last few days had been gray with occasional rain. Even now it pounded against the small window of the empty practice room.
Hakyeon already missed the summer, with its humidity and heat, yet he was immensely glad it was over. He couldn't forget what the heat had done to him during one of the performances in early August. Collapsing like that in front of a huge audience was one of his biggest nightmares. He couldn't let that happen again.
He shuddered, the phantom feeling of dizziness and nausea coursing through him as he recalled the parts he could remember from that day. It wasn't much. He wasn't even entirely sure who had helped him off the stage or to the manager's car.
He couldn't look at the videos. He refused.
So he was left with the vague memories that still pressed onto him at times.
A low cough resounded through the empty practice room. Hakyeon clutched at the front of his shirt out of reflex, heartbeat fast.
"Why are you practicing alone again?" Taekwoon's soft voice came from the doorway.
Hakyeon turned around, finally looking away from the window which he had been absent-mindedly staring out of.
The smile was automatic at this point. Even though he was tired, even though it was his closest friend he was looking at.
"You know I need the extra practice." Hakyeon said matching the other's quiet tone.
"But you really don't." Taekwoon's eyes looked even darker than normal. He seemed upset.
Hakyeon walked towards him, only now feeling the stiffness in his joints and the cold sweat that had dried a while ago. He glanced at the large wall mirror and winced.
No wonder Taekwoon looked ready to knock him out. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks, which was probably accurate.
"Come here." A much warmer hand wrapped around Hakyeon's wrist and dragged him out of the room.
"Where are we going?" Hakyeon protested weakly, but he didn't try to stop his friend.
"You need a break." Taekwoon wasn't looking at him anymore. The stark hallway lights of their company building made his face even more angular than usual. Hakyeon sighed wondering what it was like to be that effortlessly handsome. Taekwoon's features weren't regular, yet they were just so attractive. It felt like the other had it easy, unlike himself who struggled every day. His looks, his skin tone, his weight always an issue.
Hakyeon shook his head. Taekwoon struggled too, in different ways, sometimes even more than the others in their group. He was still shy and unwilling to participate in most things, even after 5 years since their debut. Most of all he just wanted to sing and not think about anything else, and that Hakyeon could understand because he shared the same desire. But in the idol world other things got in the way of that. Perfection was expected in all aspects of their lives.
Hakyeon stopped in his tracks when he saw where Taekwoon was taking them.
"We can't just leave." He frowned watching the taller male pick up one of the umbrellas from the bucket next to the entrance. He was pretty sure that belonged to someone in the company, drops of rain still clinging to it.
Taekwoon shrugged and stepped half outside the glass door before opening the umbrella.
He didn't say anything but Hakyeon could read him like nobody else. His body was still turned half towards him asking him to come closer. Hakyeon sighed, the exhaustion suddenly catching up to him and leaving him unable to resist.
"Okay, let's go." There will be consequences, he was sure of that, but Taekwoon radiated calm so Hakyeon didn't worry either.
They stepped outside together. Early morning chill hit them hard. The rain wasn't pouring anymore, leaving only a slight drizzle. The streets around the district where their company building was located were for once empty. The miserable weather and early hours of a Sunday morning keeping everyone inside.
"Where are we going?" Hakyeon asked again.
"To eat." Taekwoon's voice was muted, the light rain comfortably hitting against the black umbrella.
Hakyeon felt a genuine grin tug on his lips. He pressed closer to his friend, he couldn't remember the last time they had shared an umbrella like this.
"It's always food with you, isn't it?" Hakyeon teased, even though that was exactly what he needed right now.
"Food and then we're going back to dorms to sleep." The sentence was longer than usual, but Taekwoon had a way with words that made them sound short, yet conveyed more than most people did in a whole speech.
Hakyeon knew he was a person that talked too much and it almost never contained anything of importance.
They were polar opposites.
"Aren't you afraid we are gonna get caught?" Hakyeon flinched seeing Taekwoon sending him a glare. "What? It's a legitimate concern. I have a feeling you didn't ask neither manager nor anyone else. Also we could get recognized like this." Hakyeon rambled on feeling his anxiety grow with each moment passing. The rain now suffocating.
"Here." Leo nodded to a small hole in the wall establishment that for some reason was still open. It was empty.
They stepped inside, Hakyeon going first, the sound of the umbrella closing right behind him. He slumped down at a table next to a dirty window. He had expected the other to take him to the nearest convenience store and buy him a ramyeon or something. Not this.
"Auntie, one kimchi pancake and makgeolli." Taekwoon called out softly sitting down too.
Hakyeon glanced up from his position watching Taekwoon fidget with the cutlery box on the table.
"You're really worried aren't you?" Hakyeon frowned. "I don't think you've ever done quite something like this." Hakyeon finally sat up straight in the plastic chair.
The place Taekwoon had taken them to was as run down as you would expect from a random place open at 5am, yet Hakyeon couldn't remember the last time he had felt this at ease at a place aside from their dorms.
"But you know I am handling everything.." Hakyeon tried to break the silence after a moment of Taekwoon still not saying anything. The rest of the sentences got stuck in his throat as the other reached across the table and took Hakyeon's hand in his. There was a blush fighting to spread across his tan face. But Taekwoon didn't stop at his palm and reached further grasping his wrist tightly.
"You've lost weight again." His long fingers neatly wrapped around it and Hakyeon tried to pull back on reflex.
"I don't know what you mean. I've been eating the same as always."
"I've been watching you."
"What?" Hakyeon stared. This night was truly a time for firsts. He didn't think he had ever heard Taekwoon be this direct. They always danced around the subject.
"You're not ok." Was his simple judgment and Hakyeon couldn't find it in himself to protest anymore.
The scent of fried kimchi and batter spread through the air. Outside the rain had stopped as if to let them have a moment of complete quiet before a storm was unleashed.
Taeksoon didn't release his wrist. Instead he drew slow patterns with his thumb on the sensitive skin. Hakyeon fought back the urge to squirm.
A light breeze came from the open door of the restaurant. Everything was fresh after the seemingly never ending rain.
Hakyeon should have felt a new beginning too, yet he felt dirty and beat down instead. He had been since that day in August. Maybe even before that, if he was honest.
"You're right." It slipped out before he could stop it. "I haven't been okay for a long time."
The thumb stopped its movements and drew back. Hakyeon felt shame flood him. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything. Maybe Taekwoon had been looking for more reassurance after all. Hakyeon squeezed his eyes closed. His chest felt tight.
"Let's eat."
His eyes flew open again. Steam was rising from the kimchi pancake and a pot of makgeolli sat next to it ready to be ladled into the two cups on the table. When had that happened? He must be really exhausted to blank out like that.
Taekwoon was dividing the food with practiced movements, metal chopsticks light in his hands.
Hakyeon reached for the alcohol first, his mind in a fog. He poured for Taewkoon first, then himself.
"Should we do a cheers?" He heard himself propose, the tone somehow completely devoid of life.
Taekwoon obliged, lightly tapping his cup against Hakyeon's.
The makgeolli was sweet on his tongue, going down easy.
Rain picked up again as if on cue and tears slid down Hakyeon's cheeks silently.
Taekwoon didn't say anything. His concern and love was tangible anyway.
Food hadn't tasted this good in a long time.
