lex

account inactive -> please check @lexoffline for more!

[shawnssongs]

MASTERLISTS

HARRY STYLES - I’m actively writing for Harry, so please feel free to send requests.

OUTER BANKS - Not currently writing for outer banks.

SHAWN MENDES - I’m not currently writing for Shawn, but all of my old fics are linked.

[twentnyonepilots]

casual fan? no sorry i only know how to invest my whole livelihood into something and spend every waking moment thinking about said thing

[bakwaaas]

the inherent romance of literally everything when you’re a sentimental bitch

[kaliforhnia]

what that mouth do

complain

[lumosinlove]

Kisses I want to write about:

Goodbye kisses: Lingering and hard for longer times apart. Ones that curve A’s body against B’s and cause hands to splay against backs. Or short pecks, maybe not even completely on the mouth for short trips to the grocery store. Hello kisses: After long periods apart, these can include A picking up B and spinning them around. Fingers pressing into cheeks, palms cupping necks, and breathless laughs when they finally come up for air. Breathless kisses: A series of short pecks because they need the closeness but they also need air, so. Sometimes smiles come in between, or sometimes its just breath, gasping for the sole purpose of being able to kiss again. Heated kisses: Breath huffing into mouths, angrily or passionately. Hands grabbing at clothing and pulling each other closer. First kisses: Hesitant and nervous. Lips hover inches from each other for a few seconds before they just barely brush. It’s just a soft press, but it ignites their entire bodies. Pinkies link afterwards, still wanting to be close, and each looks down, smiling softly. After sex kisses: Lazy, slow presses. Limbs pressed together, chests heaving. Soft murmurs about what to do for dinner later, fingers trailing down backs, tracing lazy patterns. B rolling onto their back and A trailing their lips down their neck, kissing their shoulder, their chest, anywhere they can think of, memorizing B. Morning kisses: Barely awake kisses that usually end up on jaws or cheeks because A is too tired to land it properly. B makes a sleepy sound and rolls into A, nuzzling their face into their neck, ankles hooking together, while A drapes their arms around B and they fall back asleep for a while. Post-break up kisses: Soft and slow. Hands on each other’s arms in a way that neither can tell if the other is pushing away or pulling closer. The kiss ends with their foreheads pressed together, neither wanting it to be true that this is happening. Christmas kisses: More smile than actual kiss. A holds mistletoe above their heads while B rolls their eyes, but pulls A down by the collar of their ugly Christmas sweater for a heated kiss. A takes B by the waist and walks forward until they are around the corner, away from the prying eyes and hoots of the rest of their friends and family. Comforting kisses: B walks into find A sitting on the bed, shoulders shaking, cheeks wet. A looks up, face looking stricken for a moment. B is shocked, and quietly says A’s name. At this, A breaks, face crumpling, and only barely has time to reach both hands out for B before B is there, kneeling at A’s feet. B takes A’s hands first, kissing their knuckles and palms. Then B reaches up to hold A’s face, pressing soft kisses around their cheeks, their lips, murmuring “it’s okay” and “you’re alright” and “I’m here” in between. “I thought I lost you” kisses: The breath is knocked out of both of them with the force that they collide with. Hands grip the back of t-shirts and palms are pressed up and under shirts, holding them close, feeling the warmth of their skin. Palms are pressed to cheeks, thumbs swiping away tears until their mouths collide messily, the world seeming to disappear around them. “We can’t do this” kisses: Fists clenched, hands shoved into pockets. Brows low or brought together, jaws clenched. A feeling like a magnetic pull between them. Their foreheads press together, their lips brush, just barely, until B pulls away with a shaking exhale, forehead dropping into A’s neck. “Come to bed” kisses: A has their hands on B’s neck, murmuring the phrase softly. A’s hands slide down B’s arms to their hands, lacing their fingers together and slowly starting to pull B towards their bedroom. A continues to pepper B with kisses all the while, trailing them down their jaw and neck. “You look beautiful” kisses: Just a soft press of lips to the temple, resting them there for a moment, then smiling down and telling them as much. “I’ll be right back” kisses: A puts their hands on B’s shoulders from behind them, where they are sat on the couch. He leans down and around, while B turns his head a little, accepting the quick peck. “I missed you” kisses: Long and relentless, holding their body close, arms wrapped completely around their waist. A burying their head in B’s neck and pressing kisses there too. Angry kisses: Hard, gripping. Fists in clothes, shoving each other against walls. Fingers digging into hips. But the kisses always melt away from that. They turn into brushes of lips between shaking breaths, until they’re out of energy and are left just standing there, holding each other, fingers carding through hair. Sad kisses: Almost not a kiss at all. Just holding onto each other tightly, A’s lips pressed to B’s temple, whispering soft words, desperately trying to provide whatever comfort they can. In the dark kisses: The movie plays in the background, but A and B are hardly paying attention from the back row. They kiss soundlessly, long and soft, fingers locked. A’s arm is thrown behind B’s seat, wrist bent to curl their fingers into B’s hair. Dying kisses: A holds B in their arms, panicked, crying. Murmurs of “no, no, no.” Salt on their lips from tears. Voice cracking. Holding on tightly to their shirt, their shoulder, their hand, roughly pulling them against their body, anything to try and keep them tethered to this earth. Kissing them as they die (“no. No, stay awake—“), Kissing them once more even with the life has left their body (No. God, come back. Please, come back. Please, look at me, I’m right here”).

[shawnssongs]

need

pairing: JJ x reader (3rd person)

warnings: angst, cheating, unedited writing

wc: 1,571

summary: after a rough breakup, JJ and the reader can’t help but feel as if they still need each other. JJ thinks she’s moved on, and she thinks JJ never really loved her in the first place.

masterlist

gif by @toesure

authors note: yes, this story is about cheating. I know people always write fics where the characters don’t get back together because cheating is unforgivable, and while that is true and realistic in a lot of cases, I feel what I’ve written is realistic as well. people say sometimes love isn’t enough, but sometimes it is. sometimes love is so strong and so consuming that despite logic, you can’t stay away, no matter how badly someone has hurt you, and that’s what this is about. please don’t read if this will trigger you in any way. and don’t worry, it’s not necessarily a happy ending.

JJ never expected to be so attached to someone. So attached that a part of him physically felt like it was missing when they were apart.

He also never expected to ever feel this sort of pain after losing someone.

The woman JJ grew to love, more than he’d loved anyone in his entire life was gone, and it was all his fault.

No, she wasn’t dead. She’s sitting just across the room from him, laughing at a joke the man across from her was telling. JJ could tell just by the sound that her laugh wasn’t genuine. She was just pretending to laugh to please her date. It made JJ sick.

He wasn’t sure if she even knew he was there. She knew he waited tables at the country club, but maybe she thought he was off today. Maybe she didn’t even care if he was working. Did she come here in spite? Did she want him to wait on her and her date, just to hurt him? To get him back for hurting her? She couldn’t be that cruel. No, JJ knew she wasn’t that cruel.

JJ watched them the whole time. This guy looked like a jackass, but she seemed to be enjoying every second. She was smiling, her eyes lit up as she watched him speak animatedly about who knows what. JJ truly didn’t understand how she wasn’t slouching in her chair, resting her head on her hand and rolling her eyes. This wasn’t her type, was it?

It wasn’t. She was miserable the entire time. Watching the boy across from her drone on and on about his football scholarship to UNC and all of his other great accomplishments - which, in her opinion, weren’t great at all - was torture for her, but she pretended. She tried to have a good time. She needed to get over a certain blond boy that kept her mind occupied 24/7, and the only way to do that was to move on, right?

She didn’t come here intending for JJ to wait on her and her date. Not at all. However, as much as she hoped he wasn’t working tonight, she selfishly just wanted to see him. After the breakup, she’d been avoiding him like the plague, and respectfully, JJ had given her her space.

When JJ got back to the Chateau that night, he threw his stuff down on the couch, grabbed a beer, popped it open and chugged the entirety in one go.

“Rough day?” John B asked, handing him another and sitting down in the chair across from him.

“She’s dating.” His voice was soft, punctuated with a hiccup from drinking the beer too quickly.

“Really?”

JJ didn’t respond. He just fell back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling.

“Don’t you want her to be happy?” The night the breakup took place, JJ tried to reason with himself. He couldn’t be there for her anymore. Even if it was without him, he just wanted her to be happy.

“Yes... No. it doesn’t even matter. It hurts.”

John B was surprised JJ was being so transparent. He usually tried to act all strong and macho, pretending as if the breakup wasn’t the worst thing he’d ever gone through. JJ had been through the ringer a few times, and despite never admitting it, John B knew nothing had ever affected JJ as much as this breakup.

“Jay, you gotta let her go, man.” He tried to reason. “You screwed up. It’s over.”

“I need her, John B. I-I can’t breathe without her. Not knowing where she is, what she’s doing makes me feel like I’m gonna yak.” JJ stood from his position on the couch, picking up the now empty beer can and throwing it at the wall. “I know I screwed up. I know it’s over.” JJ didn’t even try to conceal the tears beginning to stream down his face. “I need her.”

“Well stop.” John B said simply.

JJ looked at him in confusion.

“Stop needing someone that doesn’t need you.”

JJ just rolled his eyes at the comment. “That’s not how it works.”

“Isn’t it? Y/n moved on. You should too.”

JJ shook his head. “No. There’s no way she’s not feeling the same way I am. There’s no way she’s perfectly fine without me.”

“J–”

“Shut up, John B!”

JJ rushed out the door and took off walking. He knew it would take him over half an hour to get to her house on foot, but he didn’t mind. It would give him a chance to clear his head, sober him up. He’d only had the two beers, but his mind had felt foggy since the day she left.

She was feeling the same way as JJ. It was as if, for a while, she’d just been drifting through her life on autopilot. Without JJ, her life felt empty. No spontaneous plans, no adventures, no touch... All she could do was sit at home and think, reminisce over her lost relationship. It was her call, of course, and it was the right call. There’s no way to forgive what he did, so she had to end it. Any sane person would’ve done the same.

That didn’t stop her from feeling like she made a mistake. No, she couldn’t forgive him, but maybe she didn’t have to. Maybe it didn’t even matter. She loved him, she needed him, she wanted him.

“No, you can’t take him back.” Her friend counseled on the phone. “What he did is inexcusable.”

“But I need him. I feel so broken without him l-like I’m not me when he’s not around.”

“Don’t forget that you were able to be happy before you ever knew him. You shouldn’t need someone who doesn’t need you.”

“But I do.” Her response is soft, sullen even. She felt ashamed for still being in love with the man that cheated on her.

When a knock sounded on her front door, she hung up the phone, not without a genuine “I love you” and “take care of yourself” from her best friend. Her parents weren’t home, so she had to answer the door tonight.

JJ thought the long trek would clear up his mind, but it had done the opposite. His brain was working on overtime and now he had absolutely no idea what to say.

He was hoping maybe her parents would open the door, kick him out and slam it on his face before he even got the chance to see her, but that’s not what happened.

The door opened, and there she was, standing right in front of him in a pair of sweatpants and an oversized tee shirt, her makeup removed but her hair still curled from her date. She looked immaculate.

“What are you doing here, JJ?” She asked, surprised her voice came out so strongly.

“I, um...” JJ trailed off, not having the same luck she was. “Hi,” was all he managed to release.

She shook her head, refraining from rolling her eyes. “Hi.”

“I miss you.” He continued. “So much.”

As much as she wanted to say she didn’t miss him, to tell him to go home and leave her be, she couldn’t. “I miss you too.”

“You do?” JJ asked, and she could see the hope swimming in his crystal blue eyes.

A nod was all he got in response before he spoke again. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I-I was an idiot. I was a jerk. I didn’t know what I had and I took you for granted, and I promise that will never happen again. Ever. I love you, so much I can’t even think. Nothing matters right now but you.”

She remained silent, still staring into his eyes, watching as the glimmer of hope began to sizzle out, turning into nerves, even fear. She’d always been able to read JJ so well.

“Please, say something...” He trailed off.

She wanted to push him away, kick him to the curb, get him out of her life for good because he hurt her in a way no one had ever hurt her before, but she wasn’t strong enough to do it. She loved him.

“I love you too, JJ.”

“You do?” He asked, his eyes brightening once again. He hadn’t expected this. He was all ready to walk that half hour back to the Chateau, maybe stop at the beach along the way and scream out his frustrations to the horizon, maybe even go for a swim to disguise his tears with water droplets, dripping down his face from his wet hair. His hair that was much too long now considering he hadn’t gotten it cut since the breakup.

She nods, and JJ watches as her walls break. Tears start streaming down her face, and just before she collapses to the ground, JJ catches her, holding her in his embrace.

Her tears stain his shirt, but he doesn’t mind. All he can think about is how he finally has her in his arms again. He knows he doesn’t deserve this, but he vows to himself that he won’t screw it up this time. He needs her. She’s his forever, and he’s going to make it work, no matter how hard he has to try. He lost her once, and he knows he won’t be able to stand that pain a second time.

add yourself to my tag list: strikethrough means I couldn’t tag you. let me know about any mistakes! all fics @thatsme-johnbookerroutledge @harrysbbby @maybe-maybanks @maybankdreams​ @ilovejjmaybank @i-love-scott-mccall  @thelonewolfdies @obx-direction-sos​ @mahleeyuh​ @jjmeybank @simonsbluee​ @summer-clouds-and-long-days @cinnamontoastmunchie​ @deviouscharitos​ all obx @thelocalpogue @maybankiara @ewgrossiknow @poguelifesurfshop @stargazingstarkey @pogxe @t8-er-tot @amanecer-cora @rudths @x-lulu @pixelated-pogues @apoguecalledjj @hiddleless @letsgotothehop @sungieeeeeee @canibeoneofthepogues @davis-brooke @cheshirecat107 @beautyandthebleh @outerbankslut @northcarolinanative @downbytheouterbanks @diverdcwn @sadcupofcoffee @agirlwholovescoffee @tcmhollnd @jjs--whore @miawantsapuppy @talksoprettyjjx @dani-c20 @hemmoemotional @kennedywxlsh @drew-starkey @beth-winchester21 @queenofthebees003 @jiaraendgame @sunwardsss @teenwaywardasgardian​ JJ @teamnick​ @everyonesababe​ @infinitydols​ @ritasunflwr​ @jjaybank​ @theloveofpeterparker @fangirlvoice​ @rudyypankow​ @49anchor94​ @booksandshish​ @xxxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooooo​ @summerintheobx​ @unfortunatekiwitrash​ @once-upon-a-storyy​ @obxmxybxnk​ @clairebml @gloriousmoneyrascalbiscuit​ @danicarosaline​ @teenwaywardasgardian​  @nivky0-0​

[rudths-deactivated20200909]

so do we think any of the pogues know kie’s not straight

[goldenhanna-deactivated20200909]

does sarah count 🤡

[rudths-deactivated20200909]

no cos… well yk

[goldenhanna-deactivated20200909]

sksjsjjs exactly,,, idk if jj or pope would maybe notice it first but john b would totally be the last one to realise

[shawnssongs]

JJ would notice first. Pope’s got too much wishful thinking.

[demxters]

cast your mutuals as your favorite songs!!

@socialwriter as bad habit by ben platt

it’s kinda ironic that jenny from the block is one of my favorite songs of all time and @kikifromtheblock is right here?

@futuretaxcheat as gravity by sara bareilles

@girlsru1eboysdroo1 as (you drive me) crazy by britney spears

@pogue-writings as harmony hall by vampire weekend

you as steal my girl by 1D

[shawnssongs]

LMAO love this

[rudths-deactivated20200909]

john b is the perfect example of why you should never want to be the main character

[mermaidssonshipss]

can you imagine if rudy had chosen to be john b instead of jj.

[guysinflowercrowns-deactivated2]

only good thing i can think about jombee is that he has the perfect voice for a narrator

[shawnssongs]

CORT lmso this is so true

If Rudy had agreed to be John B 😔 I’m just glad he didn’t

[demxters]

yay yay yay !! I love this so much. congrats bb !! can I get a 🤍 ?

aww lex! i think we started interacting a lil early on when i started my blog. i started following you for your amazing writing. i saw your post about wanting more people to interact with and i took a leap of faith and messaged you! you were literally so sweet and kind to me that you made me feel a lil more comfortable interacting with other people on here willingly. though we don’t talk to each other as much now as we used to, i still think of you as one of the first friends i made on this app. you’re always supporting my work and remembering me every now and again as well even after all this time. you’ll always have a special place in my heart and i love you so much 🤍

[shawnssongs]

omg this is the sweetest thing ever 🥺🤍 we really need to talk more bc you’re one of the sweetest most supportive mutuals I have on here 🤍 ilysm

[goldenhanna-deactivated20200909]

cast ur moots as a family!

okay i was putting pause on casting my moots so i have a few sitting in my inbox but nah i been WAITING for this one

parents @pogue-writings @shawnssongs ,,, cort packs our lunches and takes us on field trips while lex tells us advice about dating

1st (eldest) sister: @ptersparkers who gives advice, is off doing amazing things while we’re all stuck at home, comes back for holidays and gives us all lil gifts and hugs, is there to facetime whenever you’re sad even if she’s far away

2nd (middle) sister @kikifromtheblock who studies hard, gets top grades, hugs me when im sad and tutors me when i struggle, but also encourages me to make bad decisions cos she was the same

@girlsru1eboysdroo1 i don’t wanna make the family have too many twins so im throwing her in as kiki’s best friend who has known us for years, basically lives at our house, eats all our food and walks in without knocking. is at all our family gatherings, probably has beat someone up for us if we were bullied or something

okay im throwing myself in as a younger sister and @rudths is my twin for obvious reasons, we just play pranks on people and everyone in the family hates us, probably cook pancakes in the mornings that end up burnt so nobody eats them except us because either cort or lex tell us not to waste food

@socialwriter @ad-infinitums @anonymous0writer are fraternal triplets, they’re more quiet alone but louder when they’re together, they have seperate beds but they always end up sleeping in the same room cos they watch a disney movie then snooze, everyone loves them

im sorry i didn’t include everyone!! rhis was getting long so i just stopped it there <3333

[shawnssongs]

let’s go @pogue-writings I think we’d make great parents

[anonymous0writer]

i have a new family and i wanted to say hi. so hi! i love you all. 

@socialwriter @ad-infinitums @pogue-writings @ptersparkers @shawnssongs @girlsru1eboysdroo1 @kikifromtheblock @goldenhanna @rudths

[shawnssongs]

this is the cutest thing omg ily 🥺😌😌

[demxters]

Cast your mutuals as your favorite sitcoms 🥰

oh i love this:

@anonymous0writer as the office 😉

you as FRIENDS

@shawnssongs as The Good Place

@pogue-writings as Freaks and Geeks

@goldenhanna as Sabrina The Teenage Witch

@kiarascarreras as Boy (not girl) Meets World

[goldenhanna-deactivated20200909]

im def not mad about this, also @shawnssongs as the good place seems SO accurate idek why

[shawnssongs]

I love the good place omg lol @ad-infinitums @goldenhanna 😌

[shawnssongs]

favorite song from each one direction members’ solo albums :)

Each of their albums??? Umm... ngl I had to listen to some music to answer this and make sure my favs really are my favs

Niall

flicker: this town

heartbreak weather: san francisco

Louis

walls: always you

Liam

LP1: midnight (if that counts)

Zayn

mind of mine: lUcOzAdE

icarus falls: there you are

Harry

debut: woman

fine line: fine line

send me questions about 1D!

[guysinflowercrowns-deactivated2]

can we talk about how cute the official merch is??

[shawnssongs]

obx is makin’ me a merch girl

[shawnssongs]

if the original 5 one direction members were the characters in outer banks, who do you think they would be?

OOH that’s hard.

I want to put Harry as JJ but I also want to put Louis as JJ??

Maybe Harry would be more like Topper lmfao idk. Or Sarah...

Niall as Pope

Liam as John B

Zayn as ummmm Kiara??

this was hard someone help

[kaihvrtz-deactivated20230508]

i definitely see louis as jj

liam is john b and niall is pope

i could see harry as kiara

zayn is sarah

[shawnssongs]

idk zayn very well so I wasn’t sure shdhs and tbh Harry as Kiara makes sense

[zaiinab]

rb and tell me which two songs you want Harry to open and end the shows with ? if you say anything other than golden and fine line ur wrong