occasionally subtle
Love Begins
taylor price
Not today Justin
EXPECTATIONS
Cosimo Galluzzi
RMH
noise dept.
roma★
pixel skylines
Game Changer & Make Some Noise
oozey mess
KIROKAZE
Keni
YOU ARE THE REASON
No title available
No title available
#extradirty
Monterey Bay Aquarium
shark vs the universe
seen from Finland
seen from Mali
seen from Bosnia & Herzegovina
seen from United States
seen from Vietnam
seen from United States
seen from Indonesia
seen from Hungary
seen from Australia
seen from Jordan
seen from Malaysia
seen from Bangladesh
seen from Canada
seen from Italy
seen from Australia
seen from Argentina
seen from Panama
seen from Iraq
seen from China
seen from Togo
@shedoesnt-sleep
To be honest I just wanted a place to expel the toxic waste rotting my brain. I’m not a writer and can barely put thoughts into sentences and I dont like to journal so we’ll see how this goes.
It’ll most likely be full of posts about me complaining how ugly and single I am. ✌🏻
This is going to be a test.
I am reading a journal entry that I started writing and my hand started hurting so I’m going to read what I have written using voice to text and see if I can get this digitized. Nicknames have been used. here we go…
hello small diary
I watched videos on Smosh (Yeah apparently I watch Smosh now) and Amanda Shayne and Courtney were reading their own journals. It made me wish I was a journal girly, like a real one. I only journal when I was mad or sad and I lost my physical and digital journals from when I was younger. Also, my hand hurts but I’m afraid of digital things disappearing now! anyway I thought I’d give it a go and try to journal not just sad and bad thoughts although today’s entry is sad and bad lol.
I am feeling blah about not having or not feeling like I have friends who want to spend time with me even if they don’t like the theme of a birthday party idea backstory my cousin wants to do a joint birthday party Harry Potter themed and I’ve always wanted to do a Harry Potter costume party However, there’s a few issues one I don’t have many friends in the area who like Harry Potter or will participate in Harry Potter because of you know who and two the friends that might participate don’t live in the same state. I iMessage book club and just like last year I did not really get a response. One member said that she has a wedding the same weekend which is fine but even if she was free, I don’t know if she would come. I know I can’t force friends or force them to like think that I like I just wish I had people who would participate solely because it’s my birthday and they want to do something that makes me happy Instead I get war flashbacks to my camping party and the last Halloween party RIP
I feel dumb. And small.
If Ninja and I were still friends or if Dancer, Germany and Genshin were here they’d be down. I think Triplet too.
I constantly feel like my middle school self.
I want to k myself except I don’t really I’m just annoyed that my younger sister is prettier, more popular, able bodied and all around better than I am 🙃🙂
I feel sad and angry and bitter.
I asked my mom if she wanted to help me put up Christmas decorations on Sunday and she said she can’t because she’s going to her boyfriend’s son’s birthday party.
I feel like she has new kids. A new family. And it should be fine now that I’m an “adult” living on my own.
But I hate it. God I hate it, I’m so angry. I don’t know how to get over it. I don’t think I ever will. I can’t stand her with anyone else.
My dads dead and he’s never coming back and I don’t want anyone to fill the spot and no matter what anyone says, a new boyfriend is filling the spot. It is.
When you remember that your dead father, days before dying in a foggy haze, told your younger sister how beautiful she was but never said that to you 🙃
The world is so cruel to me.
Recently, I started thinking about a guy I went to grade school with. He was always cute and nice but I never had a real crush on him. Recently, I started wondering what he’s up to these days, because me now thinks I should have had a crush on him and wish I had known him more.
Well. My younger gorgeous, perfect sister just texted me that she just matched with him on a dating app. And I burst into tears lol.
This is yet another fear I have that has been proven true. If it’s me over my sister, it will always be her. I wouldn’t choose me that’s for sure.
I’m a really ableist disabled person because I see an able bodied individual dating a disabled individual and immediately am like “gross” or “yeah that person must have a disability fetish”
Kind of unfortunate that I just thought about how long it will be until I inevitably get cancer and die
What’s it like to feel nothing but excitement and happiness for the people in your life who get everything they want?
Time for another round of im a shit person and am being an envious little bitch!!
My friend, the one I usually complain about because I’m an insecure little whore who thinks I live in her shadow, is going to apply to a job for an entertainment company I introduced her too and I’m pissed about it because I bet you now she’d get it and I can’t stand that!!!!!!!
I was doing fine the whole day.
Now it’s sad girl hours.
I do not want a step dad and I do not want a step sibling.
I don’t know how to be ok with this.
I don’t want my death to be painful but I also don’t want to die in my sleep because I sleep naked and nobody needs to see me like that lmao
I think I’d be less angry if I wasn’t in pain every single fucking day of my life.
You want to know who’s not a good person? Me. It’s me. IM NOT A GOOD PERSON
Oooh I thought of something I could do to hurt my self esteem even more….
Create a dating profile for myself…but make it look like my sister is trying to find someone for me. I just saw a tiktok where a girl made a hinge to find dates for her friends so it included them in pics of her and stuff…
If I had pics of me and my sister on a dating app ain’t now way any man would be looking at me in those photos
This has nothing to do with my disability and all to do with my toxic personality…
I don’t like introducing one of my friends to things or hobbies I enjoy. Because then she becomes obsessed as well and, without fail, always does them better than me.
I introduce her to a book I’m reading, she gets it and finishes before me. I introduce her to DnD, she binges and interact more in the group chat I invited her to than I do and she starts planning a campaign. I draw on my iPad, she gets one and becomes a master letter artist.
I know life isn’t a competition but I’m so tired of being in her shadow. In everyone’s shadow.