author: koykiglitzert-with-teddy
Title: Balcony Door
Rating: mature
Disclaimer: I dont know Ed, this is just the Ed of my fantasy and I hope all of you are aware that this is just fiction and by no means real.
Summary: Ed’s insecure about your relationship. It’s basically loads of fluff with a bit of sex.
It is a pretty warm night as you wander the street in the big city, goal in mind. A light breeze is rustling through your mostly pink hair. It’s late at night, but you know the way vaguely to the hotel where he is staying.
After he didn’t answer your calls yesterday, and the day before and that day before, you just concluded some major childish behavior and decided to investigate yourself. Since this wouldn’t be the first time and you long ago accepted the fact, you’d do all crazy stuff for him.
With the help of some of his friends you found out his hotel and paid a hell lot of money for a last minute flight to the US.
You even got the number and a key card to his room, the receptionist would never tell you, if you asked. Why would they believe some random girl with pink hair and too much piercings to be the girlfriend of some famous singer. In the middle of the night none the less.
So you grab all your courage and pass the concierge at the big and fancy entrance door with a high head. He just looks at you oddly but nods anyway. You’ve never been at this hotel, so you take a moment to figure out where to go, but almost immediately see the elevators. Inside you take a deep breath and prepare for, yea, for what exactly? You two never go more then 24 hours without at least texting. Phone calls are sometimes difficult with the time difference and him constantly traveling everywhere, but you usually just stay up the night as your sleeping schedule is fucked up anyways. But this no messages at all the past days concerned you to no end. He was not the type to leave you hanging like this.
He usually explaines why he hadn’t had time to call, most times even over explaining. Its not like you wouldn’t understand or make him feel bad for pushing his career like he always said he would. Filling out venues with thousands of people. You never blamed him for not being where you are, maybe jokingly sometimes but you never made him feel bad for doing what he loves. Not that you know of at least.
The elevator reaches the 27th floor with a soft ping sound and a nice female voice announcing the arrival. It’s a red carpeted hall with creme walls and a fancy flowerpot all couple of doors standing on some fancy cupboards. The room numbers are in golden letters on the doors and you first go in the wrong direction to find out his room was on the other side of the hall.
Room 27.06, OK, here you go. You slide the card through the mechanism and a little light turns green. You open the door silently and enter the suit. The lights are out and your eyes need a minute to get used to the darkness. You’re in a small entrance hall. You see his jacket on a hook and some of his trainers lying around.
You briefly wonder if he’s gone out tonight as you slowly move further inside the hall. The moonlight is filtering in and everything looks kind of bluish but you can see fairly good despite the lack of light. The only way is into the big living room from where all the other rooms are connected, but you don’t need to search any further. Silently you lean on the door frame.
He’s siting on the carpeted floor, leaning on the balcony door, one leg crossed, the other bend on the knee with his hand on it, holding his phone. He’s flicking through pictures, you can see the soft changing lights reflect on his face. His other hand sits on the floor and you can see a glass in it, probably holding some liquor. Your eyes wander and spot the whiskey and coke bottles on the small table by the sofa.
He obviously hasn’t noticed you at all as he’s still intently starring at his screen, flicking thumb the only thing moving. You just stand there for a while, watching him. He’s not frowning, not smiling either just watching his phone, blue eyes not even focusing right, like he is somewhere else with his mind.
You sigh inwardly and step into the living room. His head snaps up and he’s looking at you, eyes widen briefly in shock or surprise or both. You set the card on the table and slide your rucksack on the floor as you near him slowly. When you reach him, he’s still watching you through his glasses, following your every move till you kneel down in front of him.
His orange hair is messily falling in every direction and you resist the urge to run your fingers through it. First things first.
“Nika?” His voice is a little rough. He had a show earlier that night.
“What are you doing here?”
The question was legitimate to be fair, cause fifteen hours ago you where still sit snugly on your sofa in the yellow house in London and now you’re in a hotel room on the 27th floor somewhere in New York City. So much money.
You tilt your head to the side slightly, blinking. “Checking on you? Trying to understand why you ignore all my attempts to contact you and trying like hell to figure out what I did wrong to deserve such a treatment, didn’t we agree on something, Ed?” You sigh. It comes out less harsh than you intent to. You are angry and for good reason too. He made you fly half around the world. Again.
His eyes move to the side, he sits his phone down on the floor and keeps starring at some point behind you. You sigh again.
“You dont need me.” He says it quickly and quietly and you almost don’t understand it, but even though you do, you need to ask.
“What?” This time it’s you who is confused. Your eyes narrow on him and a slight frown forms on your forehead. “What are you talking about?”
You can see him swallow, his throat moving. “I saw the video. The video of that guy with you. You laughed so much and where so happy, Marc said so too.”
You can almost not keep up with him, the words tumbling out of his mouth faster every syllable. And you just repeat yourself. “What?” You search your brain for all the videos you had made in the last weeks. You where pretty happy in most of them. YouTube does not know you for anything else than for the loud, hyper, honest and happy pink haired girl you truly where most of the time.
“That video with Chris.” he clarifies, seeing the confusion in your eyes. “Chris?” you feel somewhat dump for just sitting there and not getting on what he means, but you can not help it. “Ed, what are you talking about?”
He just ignores your question and starts talking, pretty sure fueled by the alcoholic drink in his hand.
“You know I’m not often with you, I’m here in America doing my stuff and you are in London doing YouTube videos with so many people who make you happy. And Chris seems like a good guy, you know. Tall and fit. Making you smile. And laugh and I hadn’t had time for you in weeks and I feel like all I ever do is make you sad and I don’t want that because you are my most important person and I was just thinking that you might be better off without me and then Marc said so too, that you looked happy with Chris and I realized that I keep you from doing all that crazy stuff that you did with people before we, you know, where like this, in a relationship, I don’t know.”
You can just look at him, the words just falling out of his mouth, his eyes trained on the hummingbird tattoo on you right arm. This is what this was all about? His insecurities taking over?
But it’s times like this that you fall in love with him all over again and hate him at the same time. He got so big with his music over the last year and a half, selling out show after show, touring with Taylor Swift, making girls scream all over the world, and here he still sits refusing to call and talk because he thinks he is not good enough for you or making you sad or whatever his insecure heart told his brain.
This is not the first time something like this is happening and you both agreed to talk when there is doubt. To avoid situations like this. Him shutting you out, because he suddenly things it’s best for you. He would do that from time to time.
And you’d need to have a serious word with Marc, too, saying stuff like this. Probably unintended, but still.
You sigh. You want to be annoyed with him but you know you can’t. This is him, the character you agreed to walk this way with when he asked you to take your relationship one step further, from that month long on and off/friends with benefits-thing to this serious I want only you-thing.
“Ed..” You say softly to get him looking at you. You know which video he is referring to, it’s not on your channel but on your twin brothers. You where getting drunk on a beach with some friends and Niko filmed it and put it on his channel under “fun with friends on the beach”. It was a stupid, random video with no real content just to make Nikos fans happy. Fans love random stuff like this. Chris is a good friend of yours, nothing more, you don’t want him that way, you never did and you never will. But you can see why Ed reacts the way he does. Chris is everything Ed is not, at least in his own eyes. Tall, blonde, fit with six pack and all, a handsome guy really.
“Ed, Chris is a good friend and that’s it, I don’t want him.” You continue softly. “I want my boyfriend to pick up his fucking phone when I call or at least text me that he has no time and call back later.”
At this Ed just looks to the side again. You reach your hand out to touch his face, his stubble prickling your fingers. Your thumb moves along his cheek as you tell him. “I want my boyfriend to pick up his fucking phone so I don’t need to spent a thousand dollars on a last minute flight to the U.S. And call his manager and friends to find out where exactly he is staying so I can confront him about it, because you know I worry too much and am known for doing harsh things when challenged. You can not belief the fuss I had with Niko.” He huffs a laugh, clearly imagining your over protective twin brother and finally looks at you again, head leaning on the glass door.
The light from the moon is spilling in and makes his orange hair look kind of blond, his eyes seem more dark but there is a small smile on his lips.
“I like Chris a lot, OK? He is a good friend and makes me laugh a lot, but I generally laugh a lot so that’s not really a thing to be proud of, right? Anyways, I like Chris, but you know what he lacks?”
You watch him watching you and slightly shake his head no, hair not even moving on his head.
“He is not you, Ed.” Your hand moves to his hair, caressing through the locks of orange hair, lightly tugging on it.
“You know? I love your hair, its soft and just the right color and I love touching it and I could run my hands through it forever and be content with life.” You press a kiss on the top of his head. You can feel him swallow again, his hands lay on either side of his legs and he just watches you. Body limp.
You move your hand down to his eyes, taking his glasses off and laying them to the side, touching his blond brows and then caressing over his cheekbones. “I love your eyes, they’re so blue and deep and sometimes I think they change their colour, but that’s probably just the light or me imagining it or I don’t know. The thing is they are beautiful and I love them when they watch me or how you can tell that you are happy what you’re doing just by looking in your eyes.” You press a kiss first to his right, then to his left eye. “I also love that birthmark here.” Your lips touch the mark, smiling.
Your forefinger lightly traces a path from is forehead down his nose. “I love your nose, I don’t know, its just cute when you wrinkle it when you’re disgusted or don’t comply with stuff.” You kiss his nose. He’s still watching you, breathing in an out slowly. You continue to run your thumb along his jaw. “I love your jaw and your stubble. Its sexy as hell and I could stare at it all day and never get tired of it.” Your fingers move down to his neck, caressing the baby hairs there. You can see goose bumps spreading out from where you touch him. “I love your neck and your shoulders. It’s the same with your jaw, the skin is so soft and I just want to touch it and make it break out in goose bumps just like now.” You keep your voice soft as you talk and kiss his neck right under his ear. He makes a soft sound while breathing, which makes you smile.
Your hand moves down his left arm, over his shirt and down to his elbow and to his hand. “I love your arms, they are strong and always manage to keep me up, when I’m falling. I love all of your tattoos, they are so colourful and I like you telling me their stories when I can’t fall asleep.”
You press a kiss to the inside of his palm. “And I love your hands and your fingers. They’re calloused from playing guitar so much, but I love it when they run across my skin and touch me.” Your look up at him. He is still watching you intently, his eyes following your hands. When he feels you watching him he looks up too. You’re looking at each other for a short second before you continue.
You place your flat hand on his belly. “I love your body, Ed, whatever you do, whatever you wear I will always look at you and find my heart beating a tat faster, because your body is so beautiful.”
You move your hand up and touch the place where his heart is right under his shirt and skin. “And I love you Ed, your heart, you and everything that you are.” You feel him inhale. His eyes on your face. You keep your gaze down on his chest. This is not as easy as you thought it would be. “I may laugh with other people, because I can’t always be sad that you are living your dream and we don’t see each other as often as I want to. One of the reasons I first fell in love with you is probably because you so firmly believed in your dreams and you got so excited when you talked about the future and your plans. What I want to say is, that I will laugh when you are not there and I will be happy but I will always laugh the loudest when you’re nearby. And I will always be the happiest when you’re besides me. I don’t want you to doubt me. It hurts.” You look up at his face, waiting. Hoping what you said gets to him.
There is a long moment of you only watching each others eyes, your hand still on his chest. You move it back to his face and run your thumb lightly along his bottom lip. “And I love your lips, I love them most when they kiss me.” In a matter of seconds his hand is up and his fingers grab the back of your head, tangling the locks of your ponytail in his fingers and pressing them on your neck. He pulls you closer, touches his lips to yours and starts kissing you. Your eyes widen slightly, surprised but soon found yourself kissing back, because this is still one of your favorite things to do with this boy. His lips move a little bit hard, like he has forgotten what you taste and feel like and he needs to desperately remember it.
You hear a soft groan from him as your tongue traces his bottom lip and you deepen the kiss. You could kiss him like this forever and you know he would be perfectly content as well. You move your right hand to the back of his neck and thread your fingers through his ginger hair, tugging lightly. He grunts softly, mumbling something you didn’t understand.
“What?” You ask as you pull away.
He just takes you by your arms, spreads his legs in front of him and pulls you onto him, so you straddle his lap, one knee on either side of his body.
“I’m sorry. For worrying you, sometimes I’m just so, I don’t know. I think just overwhelmed. With us, you know. I know that I don’t handle other people, especially some random blokes, around you well. I overreact and draw conclusions too fast.” He’s looking at the crossed band-aid tattoo you have on your left forearm. It has the words “give me love” written on it. His words. He sighs.
You lean your forehead against his, feeling his cool skin, taking both his hands in your own. “You now what the solution is for stuff like this?” You ask softly. His eyes look up at you questioningly. “Answering your phone. Or even better: Calling me and telling me right away, so I can get this shit right outta your head, k?” You giggle and he huffs a laugh. “I’m serious though, Ed.” You tell him. “If you doubt anything or whatever, just tell me and we can solve this, ok?” He hesitates a second. Understandably. He has told you all about his insecurities, the ones he puts away and locks deep within himself in daily life, because there is no room for them when you’re a famous singer. And these insecurities will come up from time to time and you can not easily talk them away, that’s not how it works. These things need time and action.
Most times they will never go away completely, no matter how much someone shows you, that you’re perfect in every single way.
He loses his right hand from yours and moves it up your arm, over your shoulder and back to your neck, drawing you nearer. You expect him to kiss you and shut your eyes, your heart already beating fast just thinking about his lips touching yours. But he stops just a couple of millimeters in front of you, so close you can feel his breath on your lips. He breathes slowly. Like hes concentrating on filling and refilling his lungs with oxygen.
“Thank you.” He says, almost whispering. “For coming. Here, I mean, to the hotel. Thank you.”
You open your eyes again, watching him. “Anytime.”
“I’ll be kissing the hell outta you now, because I missed you so fucking much.” His eyes lock on yours and you can see the mischievous almost-not-there smirk on his lips and you know that the confident Ed is back. That all the insecurities are gone, hidden somewhere deep inside him. For now.
“Go ahead, Sheeran.” You smile. Touching his lips with yours before he could react. A muffled sound erupts from his throat but he catches himself quickly and kisses you back. Its a long and deep kiss, with your tongues touching and hands roaming, while at the same time it feels like you can go slow because there is not another care in the world.
His left hand wanders to the hem of your shirt, caressing your skin hidden underneath it, slightly drawing it up. The thumb from his right hand doing circles on your neck where he still holds you.
You missed him so much. His touches, his warmth, his scent. Everything of him.
The thousand dollars do not seem so bad spent anymore.
You run your hands down the front of his chest and under his dark green shirt, touching his chest, slightly crazing around around his nipples. He grunts softly, mimicking you and drawing his hands up your chest to your right breast, touching it over your bra. He runs his thumb over it and you can feel him smiling while he kisses you.
You leave his mouth and plant feather light kisses along his jaw to his ear and bite there softly. A low moan comes from his mouth and he tilts his head to the side to give you more room. His hands draw your shirt all the way up over your head and you pull back shortly so he can get it off of you.
Your hands fall back on his arms while you continue to kiss his neck and shoulders. Pressing your lips to the countless freckles there. You briefly look up and through the glass door he is still sitting against, but you’re pretty sure no one can see you. Its the middle of the night and you’re 27 floors up and the balcony fence is high enough to shield the two of you from other buildings views.
You run your fingers over the underside of his back, scratching lightly. His breathing becomes louder and you can feel his hardening penis where you sit on him. You grind yourself against him which draws a moan from the both of you. Six weeks are way to long. Your body tingles all over.
“Nika.” He gasps softly and you just nod. He leans forward slightly so you can pull off his shirt, hissing quietly when his bare back touches the cold glass window.
In a matter of seconds his lips are on yours again, but the kisses have grown more erratic, more desperate.
Your breathing is heavy and you feel there are still to many clothes between you and him. You grind yourself down on him again, rubbing back and forth with your leggins over the bulge in his jeans. His head falls back on the glass with a light thud and he moans loudly. “Fuck.”
He opens his eyes, looking at you, then closing them again, swallowing. His hands reach behind your back and fiddle with the clip of your light green bra. After a couple of seconds he makes a small triumphant sound and unhooks the clip. He slowly caresses over your skin while pulling the straps down. Then gets the whole thing off and just lays it somewhere to the side, forgotten.
His head instantly comes forward and he takes your left nipple in his mouth, lightly sucking. The tingling feeling in your guts increases and you continue to run your hands over his back, nails scratching a little. He huffs a breath over you, making goose bumps break out. You shiver slightly. You breath out through your opened mouth, threading your right hand into his soft orange hair.
You start to wiggle impatiently, feeling you might explode if you can’t have him right now. You sit up a little and he makes an annoyed sound. But you just roll your eyes at him and tell him “Lift your hips up a little.” He complies without a word and together you free his legs from is pants. Your leggins join them in a matter of seconds, as well as both your underwear.
You climb back on his legs and straddle him, your hand reaching for his cock. You slowly pump him up and down and his breathing catches in his throat, his hands gripping you tight.
“I know.” You interrupt him softly, feeling similar desperate. This is not the time for teasing and long fore play. You guide his penis to your wet entrance and he thrusts just the head inside. He does not fit in right away. Six weeks is a long time and you need a little bit to adjust to him again. You press down and he hisses and than moans loudly, when you slide over him completely. It burns a little, but that doesn’t bother you really, you missed him so much and this feeling of him inside you. You wait a couple of seconds till the burning fades away, then lean down and start to kiss him. He responds with a soft grunt. “Don’t tease me.”
His voice is rough and you smile and start to slowly move up and down on him. Not to fast. His arms wrap around your waist and his head falls back on the glass door again. “Jesus.” He moans, the both of you breathing through open mouths. You start to move a little faster, his hips moving with you the best they can, without him meaning to. You moan as he hits the spot inside you, a shiver running down your body.
“Fuck, fuck, slow down, Nika.” He pants and you become still on top of him. He just grins awkwardly at you and you can see his cheeks and neck flushing. “Its just. Its been so long. I probably wont last, not really though.” You smile at him and giggle softly. “That’s OK, don’t worry.”
He’s starting to say something back but you just begin thrusting up and down again, replacing his words with stifled moans.
You know you won’t get off this time but that’s not important. There will be a next time. Your thrusts become faster and curl your toes because it feels so good. His hand slides to your neck and grabs a handful of hair, clutching it tightly to your skin, his other hand on your waist. Your breathing loud in the otherwise quite room. “Fuck, Nika. Fuck, slow down.” His eyes roll back as you slam down on him, groaning. His face is flushed red, sweat forming on his forehead.
You don’t slow down and just keep going up and down. “It’s OK.” You breath. “Go.” He shakes his head no but at the same moment you can feel his muscles tighten all over his body. He starts moaning as his orgasm starts to build up. “Oh, shit shit, I’m close. I can’t..” You keep your body moving and than his back arches up and he starts coming inside you, breathing and groaning hard as he pours himself inside you. His sounds send shivers down your back as you slowly ride his orgasm out.
He leans back against the door as you sit down again and his softening penis slips out of you creating a mess on the carpet. The both of you giggle softly and you lean your forehead against his and look at him. He’s still flushed from head to neck, lips curled in a soft satisfied smile.
“You OK?” You ask. He keeps smiling and nods at you. “You?”
“Yea. I need a shower tho, been up for the past 30 somewhat hours. I feel filthy.” He laughs softly and nods again. But neither he nor you move for the next minutes. Just enjoying the moment of comfortable after sex bliss and each others company.
You plant a kiss on his lips, before moving to get up, dragging him along.
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