I haven't really found any real resources for being a bpd partner. there are a few forums, but they've only got a few posts. I read a book, but it was useless and poorly written.
I Hate You - Don't Leave Me is probably the best reference I've found (it's not the book mentioned above). It's well organized, and covers some topics about the disorder that others shy away from (sexual promiscuity, cutting, etc.).
The Borderline Personality Disorder Guide by verywell is also good. The navigation is a little weird (the table of contents expands to the individual section, not the entire guide itself), but there are six sections to it.
I just really need some sort of resource for handling the attachment cycle as a partner that isn't just 'wait for something that might never happen vs. break up.' what do the phases actually look like from someone with my perspective, helpful strategies to make it through or rekindle things, how to support your partner in each phase, how to identify the obsession phase vs. a happy relationship, what to do when things suddenly crash from the obsession phase, etc., etc.
I'm going to make this my pinned post (based on an anon ask that I received).
This is about my experiences as a partner of someone with borderline personality disorder. That partner is aware that this tumblr exists, and they have encouraged me to write further on the subject. In no way do I feel that I am the "victim" of her disorder; I don't judge bpd -- it is what it is; I'm not patting myself on the back for wanting to be/staying in a relationship with her. bpd is defined by a set of symptoms, and those symptoms make their way into relationships, so I'm not going to shy away from talking about them.
I've mentioned that I'm slightly uncomfortable using tags like "actually bpd" when my experience is with her bpd, but have decided to use them a) because yes, she has actual bpd; and b) in case any other partners stumble across bpd tags.
Also, note that I, too, am neurodivergent -- I suffer from bipolar-I, and have experienced the chaos that goes along with it, so I'd like to think that I can at least offer some patience and compassion when it comes to dealing with disordered moods/behaviours.
Also, I sometimes post stuff that isn't necessarily related to my partner's bpd; sometimes they're memes that she can laugh about, sometimes I post general laments on love. And occasionally I will come across as pitiable, because I get that way when I feel that life sucks at a given moment. <- I try not to tag any of that stuff with bpd-related tags.
So, yeah.
