canon divergent fic where shane and ilya get into an argument post-hookup and shane wants to hash it out but Mr. Avoidant Attachment feels like he’s drowning bc this is supposed to be easy and fun and when did it stop being easy and fun? why does shane being upset with him make him feel so anxious? he shouldn’t care, they’re not even in a relationship, he doesn’t owe him anything so why does he feel like he does and why does that scare him so much? so he leaves and shane doesn’t answer any of his texts after that so he goes inside himself where it’s safe and he forgets about it bc he can. He Can
then the raiders play montreal. he’s soooo cool he’s so aloof he doesn’t even care that shane won’t look at him. he apologized, shane didn’t, he’s done everything he could. he still checks him hard against the boards just to get his attention. shane barely reacts, just pushes off the wall, spits near his feet, mutters cheap loud enough for him to hear and skates away. it’s the closest ilya’s ever been to losing his shit on the ice and throwing hands even though he’s the one that started it.
afterwards, ilya is hell bent on getting so drunk he can’t stand. and he succeeds, he gets so shitfaced he’s nearly blacked out and telling half the raiders alllll about his fight with montreal jane and how she won’t talk to him and he thinks he’s going to get a cab to her house bc she can’t keep avoiding him like this. and marleau takes him aside and is like heyyyy buddy i’m not sure this is a great idea maybe we should go back to the hotel? but ilya gets all indignant like i am your fucking captain don’t tell me what to do. so he backs off, and ilya’s already booking the uber out of spite.
it’s not until he’s already buzzed his apartment three times that he starts to feel really fucking stupid. for all he knows, shane has already moved on, it’s been months since they’ve spoken, maybe he’s up there fucking somebody else right now and ilya’s downstairs ringing his doorbell like a drunk idiot.
but then shane opens the door, looking sleep-rumpled and confused and a little bit angry at being woken up. it all melts into concern when he sees ilya there, slumped over, swaying on his feet, eyes red-rimmed and so filled with despair that all shane can do is usher him inside and get him a glass of water.
and ilya didn’t come here for sympathy, opposite. he wanted shane to be pissed that he showed up and he wanted to get pissed back and finally finish what he couldn’t the first time. and then have life changing, drunk, angry sex about it. but all he gets is a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and one of shane’s pillows on the couch, and he asks what time his flight is and takes his phone to make sure it’s on the charger and that his alarm is set for the morning. bc shane is actually so touched that ilya still remembered his address even when he could barely remember his own name. and he looks so sad and shane hates that it’s his fault, even though he’s felt so justified all these months giving him the cold shoulder.
so when ilya comes into his bedroom fifteen minutes later whining about the couch being uncomfortable, shane lifts up the corner of his blanket without a second thought. and ilya clambers in and apologizes a thousand times against his bare shoulder. when he feels like he’s said it too much, he starts kissing him in random places all over his chest, each one an apology of its own. and then he apologizes that he’s too drunk to fuck and shane’s like are you crazy i’m not fucking you like this and i’m mad at you, remember?
then ilya remembers why he’s actually here and his face falls and he mumbles you don’t want me anymore before he can stop himself and he starts to cry a little and he fucking hates himself so much bc this is all his fault. but shane just pulls him into his chest and pets his hair and tells him it’s okay, he still wants him, they just need to talk first and they will, he promises, bc now he knows that ilya didn’t hurt him on purpose, and he came to him when he was drunk and hurting and that means something.
when shane wakes up, ilya is gone, already left to gather his things at the hotel so he could get to the airport by 7:30. he doesn’t have any texts from him, and he’s disappointed and already preparing himself for the worst, that ilya was just drunk and horny and thought he could milk it out of shane one last time, how stupid of him to let him in and share his bed.
until he finds a post it note on the bathroom mirror when he goes to take a piss, in ilya’s messy all-caps scrawl. it’s simple, no frills i’m sorry, i miss you, please text me when you’re in boston.
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tangentwithtanner
izzy806
dailybridgerton
