Perishing @sherlatson - Tumblr Blog

Intro

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I was in a long-term relationship that fell apart partially because I was ace and my partner was very much not, and every time we looked for relationship help we got told that I was the problem. Not just that a significant mismatch in sexual desire could be a problem in a relationship, but that it was My Fault, Specifically, for not being willing to suck it up and have a bunch of sex I didn't want. To my ex's credit, he cared about consent much more than any of the professionals we talked to and refused to pressure me even when my (lesbian, billed as progressive and pro-LGBT) therapist was actively telling him to.

But it meant that we had absolutely no help or support when we were trying to work on the relationship in ways that *did* value my autonomy. There's basically no advice for people who want to try to make a relationship where there's a big desire gap work that isn't "well you should just have sex anyway" or "just break up lol". And that sucks!

Sometimes breaking up is necessary, and that's what ended up happening with us because there were other reasons we worked better as friends, but there *should* be better frameworks for discussing what people want and need that don't automatically assume that one partner's feelings are automatically more important or valuable than the other's.

geese-in-flight

I was dating someone who wanted to be accommodating and work with me to figure things out but lacked the EQ to do so in any effective way. It was my first relationship and I was still figuring out what being ace meant for me. It’s been eight or nine years, but I still remember very clearly the moment I realized we’d been approaching the entire discussion as if my orientation was the problem to be solved, and that it would be equally as valid to say that hers was.

She was significantly less impressed with this revelation than I was, but I tried to hold on to it ever since (although obviously the real problem wasn’t either one of us, but the mismatch and the lack of tools to deal with it). I think it’s super important to remember that we aren’t the ones in the wrong while our theoretical partners are the ones in the right. I was surprised by how much I’d internalized the assumption and I don’t think I’m the only one.

fryuitcup

5’11” IS THE NEW BLACK

periodinteriors

Georg Konrad Rothbart (1817-1896), Schloss Callenberg: spiral staircase leading to the drawing-room, 1843, watercolor.

andhaveapleasanttomorrow

yesterday I had the thought "visual novel for normal people" (?) and halfway through making this image (which I thought would be really funny) I realized it was completely meaningless

bodyintheriver

Relax bro ain’t nobody taking it from you!!

sharpenededgess

stilinski-ortiz-dolan

I trust you, Ganesha. So I know there must be some meaning to all of this that I cannot see.

pmamtraveller

Infinity Cat by Daniel Arthur

stillnaomi

it's no doubt been said many times, but global warming is a class issue. not only because how the economy runs and how much environmental harm it produces is almost exclusively controlled by the capitalist class in most countries, but because that class, and its lackeys, move between air conditioned homes, air conditioned cars, air conditioned offices, and air conditioned recreational spaces, while many people in lower classes globally suffer inescapable heat due to the way they're forced to live. the suffering and deaths caused by hot summer days is a class issue