Christine Sydelko Sentence Starters
I’ve been bingeing Christine’s vines and vlogs, and everything she says is perfect for crack-tastic hijinks.
“Don’t ask questions, just drive!”
“Too bad you can’t hot glue gun your marriage back together!”
What happens if I put hot dogs in the garbage disposal?”
“One time when I was twelve I made my sim woo-hoo with a ghost and my mom walked in and saw, and she took my computer away for a month.”
“And so I say onto you, Adam and Eve are my OTP, and the only thing I vape is the Holy Ghost. Amen.”
“Oh god why did I do this, why did I do this, why did I do this?!”
“I hate it when guys only offer five goats and ten chickens for my hand in marriage. Hello! Clearly I’m worth five goats, twelve chickens, and a rabbit pelt.”
“The macarena was an inside job!”
“Yeah, I–I bet he’s got a penis.”
“Eyy girl, so when we gonna churn butter and chill?”
“Hi, welcome to to bible study!”
“Hi, Horror Club is doing a human centipede on the quad tomorrow. BYSK, bring your own sewing kit.”
“I’m like, it’s not my fault you got lice.”
“This is why dad left you.”
“I’m wearing a jean dress and I feel good!”
“Oh my god, my mom was right! Peer pressure is real!”
“It says here that you wish to have your ashes brewed in a Keurig?”
“Celine Dion put a curse on my family and now our crops won’t grow.”
“What’s better than this, guys being dudes?”
“His favorite fruit is a mango, but will she be ready to tango?”
“Drive, bitch! To the…pussy store.”
“My mom says I can’t play with you anymore.”
“It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s the good kush!”
“He was a dolphin in a whale suit!”
“If you don’t call your boyfriend papi, is he really your boyfriend?”
“Yeah, uh, tip of the penis to you too, ____ !”
“Yeah, I know where that is. You’re going to the left, to the right, take it back now y’all, two hops this time, and then cha-cha real smooth.”
“It’s like, yeah, like, I do skin cats for fun, but I’m not a psychopath. Don’t label me, you know?”
“Oh, I was just making sure you weren’t two kids trying to sneak into an R-rated movie.”
“Run, it’s almost midnight! I turn into a fuckboy!”
“You think this is a game? This is fucking science! I don’t play that shit!”
“Ew girl! What the fuck are you doing burping in my mouth and shit?!”
“ ___ get your credit card. Hurry up, get your fucking credit card!”
“It says you wish to be mummified in fruit roll-ups?”
“LMAO, he just gave her the D!”
“Do they have a snapchat geo-tag?”
“I want ____ to rip out my large intestine and use it as a jump rope.”
“I’d like to thank all three of you for coming. Now, she wasn’t very pretty, and she wasn’t very smart…”
“I believe in equality. I believe your dick is equal to the size of a tic tac, how about that?”
“My dick is stuck in a Pringles can.”
“I just saw your google search history and I think we need to talk. Now, what are ‘sexy minions’?”
“Oh girl, you’re going to get with the penis real soon!”
“Only get on your knees for two things: beer bongs and blow jobs.”
“I think I swallowed a nickel.”
Nice scrapbook, or should I say CRAPbook?”
“Tom and Jerry were lovers! The government is lying to us!”
“Well looks like this body…is a dead one.”
“So ____ starts choking me and saying ‘Bitch, you bought the wrong lunchables!’“
“The rain is just God’s tears. He’s crying because we’re sinners.”
“Give me my tupperware, ___ !”
“ ___, the flower crown you got me is too big! I can’t show my face at Coachella like this!”
“No one cuts off my banjo solo!”
“You stayed up all night playing the sims again, didn’t you?”
“Heeeeeey, Mister Big Cock!”
“Do I need this? No. Do I want it? Also no.”
“If you spit in my mouth I will murder your family.”
“I only twerk on Priuses. Eco-friendly!”
“Why does the lady at Taco Bell know my name?”
“Can you tell me why I stole a pool ball from that bar?”
“I’m not even on my period!”
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