How to emotionally abuse your child: comparing and contrasting Mafuyu Asahina and Toya Aoyagi.
There are two actively abusive parents in Project Sekai, and both of them are emotionally abusive in similar ways and for similar reasons. But the treatment and development of Toyaâs father and Mafuyuâs mother has been very distinctly different over the course of the story so far. Why has Toyaâs relationship with his father stabilised and even marginally improved over the course of his events, while Mafuyuâs relationship with her mother hasnât just deteriorated but actively crashed and burned?
I believe the difference lies in intent and perspective.
(Before we begin in earnest, I want to note that, at the end, Iâll briefly touch upon some other parents, specifically the ones who might also be worthy of criticism. Most notably, Iâll discuss Ena and Akitoâs father and the (many) flaws in how he has treated both of his children. Refer to that if youâre interested.)
Toya and Mafuyu have a lot of similarities. Theyâre both emotionally repressed, theyâre both exceptionally skilled (Toya more specifically being a musical prodigy, while Mafuyu has a more general kind of exceptional competence), and they both have very difficult relationships with their parents (their father and mother, respectively). Theyâve both slowly but surely come out of their shells and recovered thanks to the help of their groups (VBS and Niigo, with an emphasis on Akito and Kanade, respectively). Because of the connections theyâve made, both of them have received the support needed to directly confront their parents and choose a new path for themselves, regardless of what their parents think.
Toyaâs father and Mafuyuâs mother also have a lot of similarities. Theyâre both overbearing, controlling parents who pile pressure and expectations on the shoulders of their children, both have isolated their children in an attempt to focus their attention on the things they deemed important, and theyâve both rejected the paths their children have decided to walk in the end.Â
Both of them have claimed that their behaviour was motivated by good intentions, that they truly want the best for their children and want them to be happy, and that everything theyâve done has been in service of making life easier for their children.
Both of them have failed, but only Mafuyuâs mother is lying (including to herself).
Toyaâs father has been a successful classically trained musician his entire life, and has raised two other boys to be successful classically trained musicians. Neither of Toyaâs brothers live in Shibuya, but small mentions of them reveal that, though they might have shared Toyaâs current attitude in the past, both of them have told Toya they now agree with their father, despite going through the same kind of upbringing by the same man, with all the horrible things that implies.
Because Toyaâs father, more than anything, loves classical music. It makes him happier than virtually anything else in the world. Toyaâs father loves classical music, and has loved classical music for his entire life, as much as the most passionate characters in this story love music. Toyaâs father loves classical music as much as (or maybe more than) Toya loves street music. Toyaâs father loves classical music as much as Akito loves street music.
Both of Toyaâs brothers have claimed to share this love. The reason Toyaâs brothers can now look back and say that their father was right is because classical music has made both of Toyaâs brothers happier than virtually anything else in the world, too (or, at least, thatâs what they told Toya).
The reason Toyaâs father raised Toya the way that he did is because, from his point of view, there is nothing that will make an Aoyagi happier than classical music. He has made the mistake a lot of parents make. He has assumed his sons are the same as him. He has assumed what would make him happy, would make his sons happy. And nothing has given him any indication that this is false. Not Toyaâs brothers, and not even Toya.
Toya has also loved classical music his entire life. The reason Toya rebelled and quit classical music isnât because he doesnât like it, or doesnât like playing it. Toya rebelled because his father was suffocating him, isolating him and controlling him, and the association with that suffocation made Toyaâs relationship with classical music strained, but it has been stated again and again that the reason Toya has avoided classical music for a while now is because it brings up unpleasant memories, not because he doesnât actually like the music.
The crucial difference between Toya and his father is that classical music does not make Toya happier than anything in the world. He might enjoy it, and he might even love it, but Toya will, and would, never be able to look back on the trauma and isolation he endured and believe it was worth it. Toya would never have willingly sacrificed his childhood, his social life, his freedom for classical music. Not when he was a child, not now, and according to everything we know about him, not in the future either.
But Toyaâs father would have. Toyaâs father believes the suffering he endured was worth the happiness he now feels. Toyaâs brothers have both told him that they believe the suffering they endured was worth the happiness they now feel. And Toyaâs father thinks the suffering Toya has endured and would have needed to continue to endure would be worth the happiness heâs convinced he would feel in the future.
He does not understand Toyaâs switch to street music. Or, well, he does; Toya switched to street music specifically because he knew his father would hate it more than any other type of music, and Toyaâs father is aware of this. Toya didnât have it in him to quit music entirely, but the reason he chose this type of music specifically is for no reason other than âmy dad would hate itâ.
The thing that Toyaâs father doesnât understand is that Toya may have started street music to spite his father, but thatâs not why he does it now. Toya fell in love with street music, to the same extent that his father fell in love with classical music, and it shows when he performs. Thatâs why, when Toyaâs father went to see Toya perform for the first time at the end of his first event, their relationship changed for the better. Because Toyaâs father wants his son to be happy, and the reason heâs been such a bad father is because heâs stubbornly convinced that classical music would make Toya happy, despite all evidence to the contrary. And when he saw his son on that stage, Toya was happier than classical music had ever made him.
His father may despise the music Toya makes, and there may be a pretty big part of him that thinks Toya would, someday, be able to fall in love with classical music in the same way he has, and maybe he even believes that Toya would be happier in the long run if he stuck to classical music. But first and foremost, Toyaâs father wants Toya to be happy, and that performance showed him that street music made Toya happy. Their relationship softened because Toyaâs father was able to understand, in some tiny way, that Toya wasnât ruining his own life out of spite. Even if he thinks Toya would be happier in the long run, that performance showed Toyaâs father that, if nothing else, Toya wasnât going to be unhappy.
He still wants Toya to quit street music and return to classical. But the dynamic has changed because the stakes have changed. Previously, from Toyaâs fatherâs perspective, it was either âcontinue performing this drivel and be miserable for the rest of your lifeâ or âreturn to classical, push through the hardship and be happyâ. Now, itâs âcontinue performing this drivel and be happyâ or âreturn to classical, push through the hardship and be happierâ. Those are entirely different stakes.
Now letâs talk about Mafuyuâs mother. What makes her different? Why does nothing get through to her? Why is Mafuyuâs mother portrayed so much harsher and so much more negatively?
Itâs difficult to really pinpoint Mafuyuâs motherâs perspective and intentions, because Mafuyuâs mother is a manipulator first and foremost. Almost nothing she says can be taken at face value. But thereâs a couple of possible interpretations, some more charitable than others.
Right off the bat, I donât believe the most charitable explanation: that she genuinely wants what is best for her daughter and is simply misguided. If this was true, she wouldnât have constantly invaded her privacy to snoop on whether or not she was still making music or talking to her friends. If this was true, she wouldnât have thrown her synthesiser away behind her back. If this was true, seeing Mafuyu break down into tears and beg her mother to allow her even the tiniest amount of agency would have made her do more than blink. If this was true, she would have been rightly horrified that Mafuyu said sheâs been unbelievably miserable for years instead of being mildly nonplussed, then immediately trying to guilt trip her by crying and repeating her spiel that this is all for the best. More than that, she wouldnât have stopped crying immediately when she noticed her guilt tripping wasnât working.
On the other hand, thereâs the least charitable interpretation of Mafuyuâs mother: that sheâs a narcissist who wants to live vicariously through her daughterâs success. She wants Mafuyu to be a successful doctor, not because she wants her to be happy, but because being able to say that she raised a successful doctor would make her feel successful by proxy. This isnât impossible, or even improbable. Thereâs a not insignificant amount of parents who do, genuinely, feel this way, and the consequences of that are often severely traumatic for the children.Â
However, I donât think this is accurate either. Sheâs too often portrayed as insisting everything is for Mafuyuâs sake for it to be entirely a lie, or at least a lie that sheâs aware of. Instead, I think whatâs happening is a little more insidious.
I believe Mafuyuâs mother has, at some point, decided who Mafuyu is, and that is the Mafuyu that she loves. And she does love that Mafuyu. But she loves only that Mafuyu, and a version of Mafuyu that deviates from the Mafuyu that she has decided to love isnât the true Mafuyu.
Mafuyuâs mother has created a cardboard cutout of her daughter in her own mind, and when Mafuyu doesnât fit it, itâs not the cutout thatâs wrong, itâs Mafuyu that has somehow been altered.
This is why, when Mafuyuâs mother says her actions are for the sake of Mafuyuâs happiness, itâs simultaneously completely honest and entirely wrong. Because Mafuyuâs mother does genuinely believe that studying hard, getting into a good school, and becoming a successful doctor and a respectable adult who makes a lot of money would make her Mafuyu happy. Sheâs completely honest when she says it, which is also part of why sheâs so good at manipulating Mafuyu.
The problem is that her Mafuyu doesnât exist. And she has never existed. Her Mafuyu was, from the very beginning, an act that Mafuyu performed to make herself fit the shape of the cardboard cutout in her motherâs mind. The cardboard cutout was never real. It was a fake, a fake that Mafuyu tried desperately to pretend was real because she loves her mother and wanted to make her smile.
Why does her mother constantly deny Mafuyuâs real feelings? Why does she fail to understand anything, even when Mafuyu herself breaks down crying and shouts it out loud? Because the person Mafuyuâs mother loves is the cardboard cutout in her mind. Because the person telling her that sheâs miserable isnât her Mafuyu. That's a deviation that needs to be corrected, a corruption that needs to be removed, an infection that needs to be excised. The real Mafuyu would never say these things. The real Mafuyu is a good, kind girl who works hard, studies diligently, is always polite and does whatever her mom tells her to do.
The version of Mafuyu in her mind isnât miserable, so Mafuyu canât be miserable. If Mafuyu is miserable, then something must have changed her. Because her Mafuyu canât be miserable.
This is why she so consistently blames Kanade and the rest of Niigo. Itâs why sheâs so insistent on Mafuyu quitting Niigo. Itâs why she says things like âif Mafuyu wants to make music, she can, but she should prioritise studying first, and come back to it once sheâs secure and stableâ. Itâs why sheâs all for her being a member of the archery club, but constantly tells Mafuyu to stop making music.
Itâs not about the activity. Itâs about the people, putting ideas in her head, corrupting her, making her deviate from her real self. Itâs about the discrepancy between the Mafuyu she sees and her Mafuyu.
If Mafuyu isnât behaving like what she expects, itâs not her expectations that are wrong, itâs Mafuyu thatâs wrong.
If the cardboard cutout doesnât match reality, then reality is wrong.
Mafuyuâs mother loves a fantasy. More than that, she chooses to love a fantasy. The reason Mafuyuâs mother is portrayed so negatively, and never receives any of the positive development that any of the other parents do, is because sheâs denying reality.
Project Sekai is about embracing your true feelings. Toyaâs father didnât understand Toyaâs true feelings for a long time. When he eventually did understand them, though, he acknowledged them. He didnât agree with them, but he acknowledged them. He understood, at the very least, that street music made Toya happy.
Mafuyuâs mother doesnât just not understand Mafuyuâs true feelings, she denies them outright. She wants to kill them, in Kaitoâs words. There is no reality where these are Mafuyuâs true feelings. There is no version of Mafuyu that isnât her Mafuyu. She has one daughter, and she loves that daughter, and only that daughter.
Nevermind that that daughter isnât real. Nevermind that her real daughter is absolutely miserable, begging for love and affection that isnât predicated on her putting on a mask and playing a character that she can barely recognize herself in.
That is the difference between Toyaâs father and Mafuyuâs mother. Toyaâs father, for all his flaws and abuse and self-centred outlook, actually loves Toya. Mafuyuâs mother only loves the version of Mafuyu she created in her own head.
Alright, to cap this off, letâs look at a couple of other characters who are, in some way, questionably effective at being parents.
Ena and Akitoâs father.
Thereâs probably a not-insignificant amount of people that were surprised when I said that only Toyaâs father and Mafuyuâs mother were actively abusive. Ena and Akitoâs father is also an almost exclusively negative influence in his childrensâ lives, so what makes him different?
What makes Ena and Akitoâs father different is that I donât think heâs actively abusive. I think heâs incredibly neglectful.
There is a massive difference in how often Ena and Akitoâs father shows up and how often Toyaâs father or Mafuyuâs mother show up. He appears very rarely in Enaâs events and barely has any lines even though the few lines he does have are incredibly important for Enaâs character. He doesnât show up in Akitoâs events at all. The only thing he consistently does is be a constant shadow hanging over Enaâs head, and he doesnât need to be present to do that.
Ena and Akitoâs father is barely a part of their family. He doesnât try to control his children, or isolate them, or even criticise them outside of the rare instances he bothers talking to them. Heâs a presence that sets Ena on edge constantly when she has to leave her room, but the amount of times Ena actually talks to her father can be counted on one hand. Heâs profoundly and exclusively unsupportive, entirely emotionally (and often physically) distant and basically fully absent from Enaâs life outside of the two or three times he tells her to give up on her dreams because she has no talent and will never be successful.
And yet, in a weird way, Ena somehow has the better relationship with their father out of the two of them, because Ena has any relationship with their father at all. Itâs very much negative, but they do very rarely interact. Akitoâs only, only, conversation with the man is in Enaâs first event, where he tries to make their father understand that heâs, well, being a fucking terrible father to Ena. I scoured through every event story, every card story available in English. Nothing. Thereâs not even a mention of him talking to his father offscreen. Please correct me if Iâm wrong, maybe the JP events/stories have something.
The only time he talks about his father is in the first side story of his card for Toyaâs second event. He talks about a camping trip his family went on, and -- surprise surprise -- he paid barely any attention to his family, mostly just sitting there and painting the landscape. The closest he came was when he painted his family, until Ena pushed him in the river for not paying attention to her.
So yeah. No less of a bad dad than the other parents. Pretty terrible person. Just not in the same category as Toyaâs father and Mafuyuâs mother, even if the influence he had on his daughter in particular ended up being just as negative and scarring. Also, thank god Akito met Ken because by all accounts that boy has spent most of his pre-RAD WEEKEND life without a father.
Tsukasa and Sakiâs parents.
Saki was in the hospital for most of her early teens. In hindsight, their parents could have spent more time with Tsukasa, but itâs entirely understandable that they prioritised their sick, hospitalised daughter, even if it was the wrong choice. There are no bad guys here.Â
Tsukasa spent a fair chunk of his childhood lonelier than other kids, and in an ideal world, with perfect parents, that wouldnât have happened. We donât live in an ideal world. There are no perfect parents. I genuinely believe they did the best you could reasonably expect. Thatâs it.
The man had what was probably a stroke from overwork and stress. Normally, telling your incredibly musically gifted daughter that she should keep creating her own music and that a lot of people will enjoy her music is nothing but good parenting.
What happened was tragic in practically every way, but it would have been tragic regardless of what he said. Whether or not he emphasised that Kanade should continue composing her own music, Kanade was severely traumatised and would have spiralled into something unhealthy anyway. That it became this particular brand of unhealthy isnât something I can blame him for.
(I can, however, blame child protective services and mental health care in Japan, who dropped the ball so fucking hard by letting a girl barely into her teens not only live by herself with no actual support because her grandmother continued to pay for the house but have consistently neglected to, yâknow, actually check up on her. Ever. Even when sheâs literally in the hospital. The closest they ever came is some of the random nurses being mildly concerned about the grieving 14-15 year old crying next to her comatose fatherâs hospital bed.)
Kanadeâs saviour complex is a result of what her father said to her, yes. I donât think thatâs on him.
Mizukiâs parents and sister are fantastic, I just wanna shout them out for being the only healthy family in Niigo.
Anyway thatâs it. Stand by for other stuff at some point in the future. Thereâs the beginnings of an idea about contrasting Mafuyu and Haruka, but take that with a grain of salt. Itâs just a thing I noticed after finally getting around to reading some of Harukaâs event stories.
I think about characters other than Mafuyu, I promise. This is just a coincidence. Really.
