a word for 'bad miracle' side bit: a night at the movies
Izuku knows from the way Hinata’s shoulders are set as they leave that she did not enjoy the past—how long was it? Jesus, nearly three hours. And that’s not counting previews. Yeah, she didn’t enjoy the past three hours of her life at all.
He has the decency, though, to wait until the crowd thins out and they’re away from the lobby full of children excited for the screening of the new Preyure movie to finally open his mouth about it.
“So, how much of that was accurate?”
The intake of breath Hinata takes beside him is dangerous. Izuku knows because he also makes the exact same gesture before his own hobby related crashouts, and braces for the explosion with all the patience years of friendship with Katsuki trained him to have.
His sister does not disappoint.
“FUCKING NONE OF IT!”
As her parent, Izuku knows he should scold her for cursing. It’s rude and very unbecoming of a young girl. As a fellow lunatic obsessive, however, he knows she’ll feel better being able to vent her frustration.
Hinata tears at her hair, fingers curling in the strands with a manic tremble, and makes a noise somewhere between grinding rocks and a dying whale.
“WHO THE HELL GREENLIT AN ODYSSEY ADAPTATION WHERE THEY DON’T EVEN INCLUDE NOBODY!?”
“Is Nobody important?” Izuku asks, opening the door for them to leave the theater building. Thank god he knows he side streets to get home, he absolutely cannot take her on the train like this.
“NOBODY IS A LOAD BEARING PUN, AND IS THE THING ODYSSEUS IS MOST FAMOUS FOR!” She screeches into the night, garnering a few looks from passerby who quickly scuttle away as she stomps down the sidewalk. “The ENTIRE POINT of his ten year quest is because he FUCKED UP! Which—WHY THE HELL IS THIS MOVIE NOT LETTING THE GODS BE INVOLVED PLAYERS!? THEY’RE THE WHOLE REASON HE WAS AT WAR! APHRODITE DIRECTLY CAUSED THE TROJAN WAR BY GIFTING HELEN TO PARIS!”
“Paris the city?” Izuku asks, momentarily confused.
It’s almost impressive how she pivots from rage to calm, offering a single finger to note a correction. “No, Paris the city got the name from the Celtic Parisii tribe, it’s actually unrelated to the prince of Troy.”
“Oh.” Huh. You learn something new every day. “To be honest a lot of names in the movie slipped by me after a while, I can’t pronounce most of them.”
“Anyway—the WHOLE POINT—Odysseus is favored by Athena because UNLIKE ALL THE OTHER JACKASSES IN GREECE he’s a clever man with wit who uses wiles and trickery over brute force! He’s the goddamn Solid Snake of Greece in terms of how sneaky he is! He TRICKS Polyphemus the cyclops by telling him his name is Nobody, so then when he blinds him and Polyphemus cries for help, he tells his brethren that NOBODY BLINDED ME! And Odysseus is so jazzed about it that he fucks up and gets too hubristic and it winds up pissing off Poseidon, because all of the cyclops are his children, and Poseidon keeps fucking up his entire life as revenge which drags the journey on even longer!”
“Huh. Why wasn’t it in the movie, then?” Izuku wonders out loud.
“THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING! THEY FILED HIS EDGES OFF TO KEEP HIM BLAMELESS FOR EVERYTHING!” Hinata throws her hands up. “NOT TO MENTION WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT COSTUMING DEPARTMENT? WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR COSTUMES FROM, FUCKING TEMU? HAVE SOME FUCKING DIGNITY, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A MYTHICAL AGE OF MYCENAEAN GREECE!”
Izuku nods along, steering them down a shortcut which will hopefully keep them away from any crowds. “They did seem a little lackluster.”
“NOT TO MENTION THE FUCKING EGREGIOUS—I cannot stand it when writers imprint modern sensibilities all over a historical story! THEY WOULDN’T BE SELF REFERENCING THE BRONZE AGE! THEY WOULDN’T BE ACTING LIKE THIS! THE PAST IS A FOREIGN COUNTRY! THEY DO THINGS DIFFERENT THERE! PENELOPE DOES NOT NEED TO BE A GIRLBOSS! SHE AND ODYSSEUS DIDN’T INVENT HOMOPHROSYNE FOR THIS!”
“What does that word mean, exactly?” Izuku prompts. He checks his phone for messages and taps one out to Shouto about how the night is going.
He gets a question back if this is as bad as the time Izuku lost his mind over the trading card minting assholes ruining the Hero Card market. Izuku is only slightly offended. His crashout was entirely justified.
But this one is, yes. He admits as much before pocketing his phone again.
“Penelope and Odysseus are so in tune with each other that they understand each other on a soul level and can cotton on to when the other is running a con without ever needing to be told. It’s beautiful, honestly. One of the healthier marriages in Greek myths,” Hinata explains.
“Didn’t you say the same thing about Hades?”
“The bar is literally in hell with the Greeks, and also historically speaking Persephone most likely was a later incarnation of Ishtar so her being kidnapped was likely a later addition to explain the context of a fearsome Underworld goddess who also represents spring—“ Hinata starts, before catching herself and frowning. “I’m getting off topic. GOD I hate this movie. What the hell was that set and color design? Why the FUCK is everything greige!? In GREECE!? Some of the bluest oceans and most beautiful scenery on the planet and NO FUCKING COLOR anywhere—“
Other parents probably would be criticizing him for letting her go this long. But other parents don’t really know his child like he does, so Izuku thinks they can buzz off and let him handle this hobby related meltdown how he thinks is best.
Does he know anything about any of these myths? Not really. Not since he read a mythology book once in fifth grade, but Greek heroes aren’t really inspiring like real life ones so he got bored of it pretty quick. Hercules was a jerk. No, wait. Heracles. Hinata told him his name was actually Heracles. He does remember that.
“—completely PASSIVE for the first TWO ACTS—it’s like he doesn’t know what a PROTAGONIST is—“
Oh, she’s doing the hand waving he does when he’s really into it. The kind where she’s seconds away from hitting someone on purpose with her rage.
“Why even make the movie if you’re going to miss the point?”
“THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN WONDERING THIS WHOLE DAMN TIME!”
With all the side roads and meandering pathways, it should take them about...40 minutes or so to get home. By then she’ll have gotten most of it out of her system and just want to shower and go to bed. By his calculations, anyway. He may have to soothe the savage beast with a treat of some kind. As much as taiyaki gives him some weird PTSD response these days, he knows there’s a stand somewhere around here she likes…
“Are you even listening?” Hinata asks, and he looks down at her with a half smile.
“Of course. You’re talking about hubris as a cultural sin and how Odysseus still being an asshole is important to the narrative.”
She raises an eyebrow, but does continue. He’ll steer them to the stand and hopefully sugar will offset her mood.
He’ll still be listening, though. He always listens. He’s shocked she’d think he wouldn’t.
