It’s a warm afternoon and the sun is bright outside. The first winds of spring sneak into the room waving the curtains, filling the air with a fresh breeze and the scent of wet leaves. These are Erwin’s favourite days, the days after the rain, and Levi’s quickly grown to like them, too. There haven't been so many calm days in a row like this lately. It’s days like this that Levi allows himself to enjoy the rare idleness of a jobless afternoon.
They’re lounging in Erwin’s room today, like they do every afternoon after training; Levi brewing tea for both, to pair with the tarts Erwin has bought in town. Erwin lounging on the bed, an arm behind his head as a pillow, reading to Levi.
Levi interrupts from time to time, to talk about work, about a certain recruit that’s caught his attention, for good or for bad, or to vent about Hange’s latest experiment and his appreciation of it, usually not a good one.
Levi’s in the middle of one of his rants when he hears the slightest crack of the bed, distracting him. It’s followed by Erwin’s heavy footsteps, and the next moment he feels a large hand reaching for his face. It’s so subtle and yet so sudden that Levi’s stopped talking to look at Erwin over his shoulder. The afternoon sun bathes him in warm light, his cheeks painted a golden red. Erwin smiles, and his smile illuminates the whole room.
For a moment, Levi thinks he might be dreaming, because he hasn’t done anything worthy of a smile like that today. But when Erwin bends down the slightest to cradle his face, Levi knows he’s awake. His warmth is too real.
“I don’t want to talk about work anymore,” Erwin whispers, arms wrapping around Levi’s shoulders.
Levi can barely believe his own ears.
“You don’t want to talk about work?” He says with a playful grin. “Erwin Smith doesn’t want to talk about work?”
Erwin huffs a laugh that ends in Levi’s nape, his lips press against the skin, softly, gently, his breath making Levi’s hair stand at the back of his neck.
“I don’t want to talk at all right now,” Erwin says.
Levi’s stomach drops, putting his imagination to work quickly, he can think of a thousand things to do other than talking right now. He swallows hard before he says, “alright, what do you want to do then?”
“I don’t know,” Erwin says in a lazy voice, inhales deeply, and Levi shudders under his arms at that sudden closeness, because Erwin’s never like this. It’s both concerning and endearing. Something must’ve happened, Levi thinks, something is troubling him again. Anxious gray eyes wander around the room searching for something to distract Erwin from whatever burdens are troubling him. He turns to the bed, sees the book lying there forgotten, and slowly rises to go sit next to it. Erwin’s gaze following his every movement.
“Should we continue reading?” Levi asks, taking the book to examine it. He’s about to open it and find the page they are left at, but Erwin takes it away before he can.
“I’m tired of that book,” he says, setting it aside to take a seat next to Levi, their legs touching, eyes on Levi the whole time.
Levi gulps. He’s not sure what’s gotten into Erwin today, and he’s not sure he wants to find out. “Can I pick the next one then?” He says, for the lack of anything better to say.
“Sure,” his smile is faint, brief, his face unreadable. No matter how much time passes or how many days they’ve spent together, Levi still can’t guess what Erwin’s thinking most of the time, so he’s stopped trying. And that’s part of the beauty of it, the beauty of them. Levi’s learned to appreciate it by now.
Levi looks around the room again. They’ve read most of the books scattered in Erwin’s bedroom, and some of the ones in his office as well. They always read the same ones; history, philosophy, politics, all things Levi never thought he’d have the slightest interest in. But Erwin’s eagerness for them is contagious, and Levi’s grown to enjoy their talks. Listening to Erwin talk is always a delight after all.
But today Levi wants something different. A book that makes them travel. He’d like a book that takes them far away, somewhere surreal, imagined, some place fantastic and impossible, in which they can forget for one moment that they are who they are and live in the world they live. It’s those stories that have made Levi fall in love with books.
He gets off the bed to search among the piles of books in the back of the room, but there’s nothing that catches his interest. There are a few old paper folders, too, from who knows when. Levi makes a mental note to himself, to throw them away in his next spring cleaning. All they’re good for is gathering dirt.
“What is this?” Levi says, as he picks one folder up, the once white paper now yellowed with the pass of time. “How many times do I have to tell you not to keep this stuff?”
“I know, I know,” Erwin chuckles quietly from the bed. “I’ll throw it out tomorrow.”
Levi is about to set them aside on the table when he catches a small photograph flying off a paperclip from one of the folders. His eyes widen at the picture of himself from five years ago.
“Is this…?” He kneels to pick the picture up. “You kept a report about me?”
Erwin seems to stiffen a little in his place, his mouth gapes like a fish. “No.”
Levi tilts his head at him. “There’s a picture of me, Erwin.”
“Fine. I did. I forgot it was even there at all.”
Levi’s smile is smug as he rises. He folds his arms over his chest, and throws Erwin a suggestive glare. “Was I so interesting to you that you had to stalk me?”
“Yes,” says Erwin with a straight face, and Levi can see honesty in the deep blue of his eyes. He always answers like this, straight forward, unanimously. It’s both flattering and annoying to Levi, because there’s little room for questioning or teasing.
“Huh.” He scoffs, putting the report down on the table. eyeing it with suspicion. “And what does it say about me?”
Erwin is still looking at him with the same expressionless face. “I don’t know. I never read past the first page.”
This takes Levi by surprise. “Why not?”
“I don’t know,” Erwin shrugs. “If there was anything to know about you, I wanted to find out by myself.”
Levi takes a step forward, his heart skips a beat. “And what have you found so far?”
“Oh, do amuse me, please. What have you found about me?”
“All sorts of things.” A playful smile tugs at Erwin’s lips, “For instance, I’ve found you’re not very good at hiding your emotions. You tend to get aggressive when you’re scared… or nervous, the way wild animals do. Right now, I believe it’s the latter.”
Levi stops dead on his tracks, his breath catches in his throat, and the room suddenly seems warmer. He feels suddenly naked under Erwin’s gaze, even though he’s wearing all his clothes.
“Anyway,” he clears his throat, turns to scavenge among the books again, to keep himself busy. “Thanks, I guess. I’m sure there’s nothing pretty written in there. I’m kinda glad you didn’t read it, actually. It’s not much fun growing up in a whorehouse and spending the rest of your youth in a gang.”
“Levi,” Erwin sighs, “whatever life you had before joining Survey Corps, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care… about anything you were or did before. I won’t judge you or think less of you. You already know that.”
“I know.” Levi says, and he really does know it. He’s felt many things from Erwin, once when he first met him. Spite, fear, resentment, but never judgment.
Levi suddenly doesn't feel like talking about this anymore. It’s taking a sad turn he wasn’t expecting, and he’s determined to change it. So he roams around the room a little more, until he finds a book which’s cover catches his attention. He’s seen it before a few times, in Erwin’s office. It’s the one he always keeps away from curious eyes and hands, the one he puts away when people ask about it. Maybe that’s why he keeps it in his room now. Or maybe it’s simply because, for some reason, he’s spending more time in his room than his office lately.
“What about this one?” Levi takes the book, and he can see Erwin’s eyebrows furrow when he does, and Levi half expects him to rise from the bed, but he does no such thing. Surely he’s forgotten to put it away, Levi thinks.
“That one?” Erwin’s eyes are weary.
“Yes. This one. What’s it about?”
“It’s nothing interesting, really,” he chuckles anxiously, “It’s silly. Just a bunch of children's stories and myths, and—”
“Why do you keep it then?”
Erwin shrugs. “It was my father’s. He used to read it to me as a child. I guess… I keep it because it’s the only thing I have left from him.”
Levi has made his choice, undeniably, irrevocably. This is the book he will read.
He sits on the bed next to Erwin and rests the book on his lap. Firmly, he says, “I want to read this one.”
Erwin looks at the book, hesitating another moment before he takes it gently from Levi’s hands, as though handling a delicate piece of crystal.
“Alright,” he says, stroking the leather cover before he flips it to the first page. There’s no title and it’s not signed. Rare, Levi thinks, but then again he hasn’t read many books, so what does he know? It may be a thing.
He listens to Erwin read the first lines, and leans closer to look at the drawings. It’s the first time he’s seen a book with them.
“Some of them, yes,” he says, leaning his head towards Levi so that they are now touching.
“What’s that?” Levi tilts his head to look at the drawing carefully. There’s a strange silhouette; a person at first glance, but not quite, there’s something beastly about it, closer to a Titan, but not exactly either.
Erwin continues to read, and his voice is like music; mellow, easy to follow, as if the words are being sung. It’s not like the other books they’ve read before, with big words and confusing statements. This one is a story, full of characters and events and feelings. It’s a story, and an awfully fantastic one, so much so that it’s almost ridiculous. With creatures and castles and things and places that Levi could’ve never imagined on his own. It is only half way through it that Levi realizes it’s taken a twist into a love story.
It’s not something Levi would’ve picked consciously, and he feels suddenly weird about it. The more Erwin reads, the harder it becomes to stay focused. Erwin’s elbow is softly resting on Levi’s thigh; Levi’s head on Erwin’s shoulder. He can feel Erwin’s breathing increase its pace with every word he reads, his heart beating faster, and Levi’s cheeks are quickly catching on fire. He feels the need to speak before he succumbs to it.
“The girl,” Levi clears his throat, to ease the tension in it. “Why did she stay if the king didn’t love her back?”
“Because,” he turns his head to Levi, their cheeks brush together softly, “we don’t get to choose who we fall in love with. It just happens...”
Their eyes meet then, and it’s like magic, a collision of natural forces, an eclipse, everlasting and unstoppable. Levi can feel the walls between them crumble all at once. Erwin can feel it too; it’s engraved in the blue embers of his eyes. They draw Levi in like an ocean wave, like the tides during a full moon night, drowning him, choking him, and Levi drifts towards it offering no resistance.
The book drops on the bed with a sudden thud.
The softest sigh of relief echoes in the room when their lips touch.
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