A Girl and Her Doll - Chapter 18. Personal and Casual
Chapter 18. Personal and Casual
Gemma paced back and forth across the room, grabbing garment after garment from her wardrobe, holding them up to the full-length mirror to admire herself, the clothes pressed against her body for a few seconds, only to shake her head frantically and start the process again. Sometimes, inevitably, she repeated the same item more than once, perhaps without even realizing it.
"Why don't I have anything nice to wear?" she exclaimed almost furiously, as she scanned her blouses hanging in the wardrobe from end to end for the fifth time.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, Tess watched her from side to side, as if observing the back and forth of a tennis match. All while she sipped her bubble tea through a straw.
"I know you don't want my opinion," Tess whispered, "but I'll remind you it's just coffee, not the Emmys. Your usual casual clothes will be fine, maybe a blazer or something."
"Easy for you to say," Gemma retorted from inside the closet. "You haven't seen how Lydia dresses. She's always well-groomed, made up, and perfumed."
"And isn't it because you've always seen her while she's working?" Tess joked, a little hurtfully, taking another sip of her tea. "Besides, I'm skeptical that she dresses as well as you say. I don't think they pay a government shrink too much."
"Hey, hey, don't call her like that again, you hear?" Gemma scolded, peeking out from inside the closet with a stern look. "And especially not in front of her, and don't even mention that I called her that!"
"Don't worry, she won't find out about it from me," Tess replied, laughing, while pretending to lock her mouth with a key.
After a few more seconds of rummaging, Gemma approached the mirror again, now wearing a sleeveless blue blouse, which Tess was quite sure she had already tried on at least twice before. She stood in front of the mirror with the blouse draped over her shoulders and moved from side to side so she could see herself from all angles.
"Too much, right? Yes, it's too much," she exclaimed, grabbing her hair, still damp from the shower she had just taken, and sighed in frustration.
"What do you mean by too much?" Tess asked, raising an eyebrow. "It's just a blouse, Gem. A pretty simple one, actually. But it's nice."
"Prettier than the gray one?" Gemma inquired, turning almost pleadingly toward her. "Or the black one? And what about the one with black stripes that makes me look like a convict? Open the door to make a joke about it, right? Oh, I know: my Black Sabbath T-shirt from The End Tour. So I'll tell her how we got the tickets, how we took the trip, and the funny story about my food poisoning… No, actually, it's not that funny, is it?"
Tess couldn't help but laugh at how adorable Gemma looked when she was nervous. It was refreshing to see her not so in control, for a change.
"They all look good on you," she said, taking a sip of her tea. "The problem isn't the clothes, Gem. It's you."
"Oh, thanks. Just what I needed to hear," Gemma replied with slight annoyance, throwing the blue blouse onto the bed in frustration.
"I'm talking about your mental state," Tess clarified. "If you don't calm down, nothing will seem right. Relax, treat this like any other coffee date, like you're going with Cole or me. And you'll see, everything will be fine."
"Thank you, Dr. Brothers," Gemma replied sarcastically, rummaging through the closet again. "If I wanted to be psychoanalyzed, I'd ask M3GAN for advice… Should I ask M3GAN for advice?"
"Definitely not," Tess emphasized with firm conviction. "Look, don't overthink it. Choose the first thing that comes to mind, the first thing you see and like. One, two, three, now! Choose."
She had said it with such determination and firmness that it reminded Gemma a little of her old softball coach. She reacted by turning towards the closet, scanning it one last time, and finally pulling out a plain, casual, long-sleeved white shirt with no print or pattern.
"Maybe this? With…" She then picked up a black blazer and layered one garment over the other. "Like this? It's neutral and simple, isn't it? Or does it look too boring…?"
"Okay, don't question it," Tess exclaimed quickly, extending a hand toward her in a stop gesture. "Wear that, it looks good. With your black jeans and those high heels. Put it on before you change your mind."
Gemma nodded quickly in response and immediately headed to the bathroom in the room, locking herself inside to change. Tess sighed in relief, shook her head, and continued sipping her tea.
Tess was definitely the closest thing Gemma could consider a best friend. On the one hand, she was, of course, her biggest supporter at work, sometimes pointing out her own mistakes (even though Gemma didn't like it), or like that day when she had spent the whole afternoon with her, finally finishing the final version of the proposal; one less thing to do, ready to be sent to print early tomorrow.
But beyond work, she had also become a great help in more mundane situations. She was the one who convinced her to use Tinder, and she had also spent the entire day persuading her not to cancel her date with Lydia whenever her nerves got the better of her. And not only that, but she had also offered to look after Esther while Gemma was away, so that the lack of a babysitter wouldn't be an excuse.
She definitely deserved a raise. As soon as the M3GAN launch went well and she was promoted to executive, Gemma'd make it up to Cole and her to compensate them for all the trouble she'd caused.
A few minutes later, she came out of the bathroom in her complete outfit, except for the shoes. She had also dried her hair and applied a very, very subtle lipstick, as she had never been a big fan of wearing much makeup. Even so, in its simplicity, the entire outfit fit perfectly.
Tess looked at her and nodded approvingly.
"Perfect," she murmured with a smile, making the ok gesture with her fingers. "Your psychologist will lose her mind as soon as she sees you."
"Thanks, but don't say your psychologist, it is weird," Gemma chided her, hurrying to put on her shoes. "This isn't a date at all, anyway. It's just coffee between... colleagues, or something like that."
"If you really thought that, we wouldn't have been here for an hour deciding what to dress you in."
"Don't exaggerate, it wasn't…"
She checked the time on her phone at that moment, and her eyes opened wide in horror as she realized it was actually much closer to seven o'clock than she had thought.
"Damn it!" Gemma exclaimed, stood up, and hurried to put on her shoes. "I'm going to be late! Damn it…!" she exclaimed, even more flustered than she already was.
"But it's not a date," Tess laughed, more than amused.
They left the room shortly after and headed towards the living room. The sound of the television being on reached their ears from there.
"I should cancel," Gemma muttered as she trudged down the corridor, a phrase she'd repeated at least five times that afternoon. "I still have to go over the proposal one more time, and the speech for David, and the production specs Cole sent me last night…"
"The proposal is finished, Gemma," Tess interrupted, trying to sound understanding but firm. "We reviewed it together three times this afternoon, remember? And the speech is ready too, and it's been sent to David's email. I've already glanced at the production specifications, and they look good, but we can double-check them together tomorrow. Also, they might not be essential for the presentation on Tuesday. Believe it or not, all these days of hard work have paid off. Everything is ready, and you have nothing to worry about."
Gemma remained silent, uncertain. Tess was right, and she knew it. The three of them had worked together, not just that day, but for weeks, checking every comma, every number, and every graph. The presentation was ready, and two days ahead of schedule.
She had no reason to cling to escape from that.
They entered the living room, and Gemma stopped, turning to Esther and M3GAN, who were watching television, sitting side by side. They both looked away from the screen almost simultaneously and turned toward her. The movement was so synchronized that Gemma felt a sudden shiver. Esther smiled at her with her usual gentleness.
"You look very pretty, Aunt," her niece commented enthusiastically.
Gemma replied, smiling.
"You don't have to worry about Esther either," Tess remarked, continuing her speech. "I'll be here with her. So take a night off; you deserve it."
Gemma closed her eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. When she opened them, she nodded slowly.
"Okay, you're right," she admitted, and felt her chest relax. "Thank you, Tess. For... everything. For helping me with the proposal, for staying with Esther..."
She hesitated for a moment. She glanced over her shoulder at her niece and her android and moved closer to her friend, close enough to whisper to her.
"I don't feel safe leaving her alone with M3GAN again, especially at night.
"Are you still worried about what happened the other day?" Tess murmured curiously, crossing her arms.
“No… Well, yes… I don't know. We'd better talk about that later."
"Yes, you'd better leave now, before you change your mind… again."
Gemma smiled nervously and nodded slowly. She turned once more to Esther and M3GAN, adopting a more relaxed, carefree attitude.
"I'm leaving now," she announced. "Tess will stay with you until I return. Be good, okay?"
"Don't worry, Auntie," Esther replied cheerfully. "We'll behave and have lots of fun. Right, M3GAN?"
"Indeed," the android confirmed, tilting her head slightly. "We'll have what you might call a fun girls' night in, the three of us."
"Hey, aren't nights with me girls' nights?" Gemma questioned, confused about how to feel about it.
"Gemma, what time is it?" Tess insisted, taking her arm at that moment to guide her, somewhat forcefully, towards the door.
"Yes, okay," Gemma murmured sadly. "Don't stay up too late, don't eat too much, and... I don't know, don't use drugs!"
"We'll be fine, Gemma," Tess laughed, as they both stood at the door. "Just have fun."
Gemma nodded, still somewhat hesitant. She quickly grabbed her keys and coat and opened the door. She had to go back for a moment to get her umbrella when she saw it was raining again, but soon it had finally stopped.
Once the door closed, Tess sighed, more exhausted from all the work involved in preparing her friend and boss for their date than from finishing the proposal.
She walked back to the living room, where Esther sat on the sofa, watching television with a perfectly upright posture. She almost looked as if she were posing for a photograph. M3GAN was still sitting beside her, but in her, the rigidity and upright posture were more expected.
"Well," Tess said aloud, drawing both of their attention. "What would you like to do tonight? We could play a board game, or watch a movie, or... I don't really think we have many other options."
"Can we put on makeup and talk about boys?" Esther said playfully, visibly unsettling Tess. She then let out a mocking giggle. "I'm just kidding. I want to watch a movie."
"Excellent," Tess exclaimed, smiling. "What would you like to watch?"
"Casablanca," Esther replied quickly, without any hesitation.
Tess blinked, clearly surprised by the response. And she wasn't the only one, because M3GAN turned to look at her reflexively as soon as she heard her make that suggestion.
"Casablanca?" Tess repeated, frowning. "You mean… the old movie? The black and white one with Humphrey Bogart?"
"Ah, you know it," Esther exclaimed enthusiastically.
"Well, yeah, I know it, but…" Tess replied hesitantly, crossing her arms over her chest. "Are you sure that's what you want to watch? It's very… old. And complicated. There are lots of other funnier movies that are more appropriate for a kid and we could watch. How about Finding Nemo? Or Frozen; you like that one, don't you? All girls like Frozen. Isn't that right, M3GAN?"
"I don't have enough information to either support or deny it," M3GAN stated. "The available data indicate that, in its release year, its reception among 5- to 10-year-olds was mostly positive. But that's not enough to claim that 'all girls' like the film."
"No, I don't want to see any of those," Esther said, shaking her head. "I want to see Casablanca," she insisted. "Or rather, I want M3GAN to see it directly, instead of just reading about it in her database. We were talking about that the other day, and I need to prove my point."
M3GAN watched and listened intently as she spoke those words. Even the sensors in her eyes struggled to determine how much of what she said was true and how much wasn't. Yes, that conversation she was referring to had happened, the very day she revealed that she knew who she really was. She didn't think, however, that she truly cared about it that much. At the time, she believed she was simply trying to annoy her, though that might still be the case.
"Okay..." Tess agreed, though not entirely convinced. "If you're sure that's really the one you want to watch, I suppose there's no problem. But if it bores you or makes you sleepy, just tell me, okay? It must be on some streaming platform, I suppose..."
Tess grabbed the remote and pointed it at the television to begin her search for the required movie. Esther, meanwhile, jumped up from the couch and started walking toward the kitchen.
"Let's make popcorn," she declared aloud. "Come on, M3GAN."
The android also stood up, and without waiting, she followed her.
"Do you know how to make them?" Tess asked, turning to look at her over her shoulder.
"They're microwave popcorn, they're not that complicated," the girl replied, shrugging her shoulders.
"Okay," Tess murmured, satisfied with the answer, and went back to focusing on the screen.
Once they were in the kitchen and far enough away from Tess, M3GAN dared to speak, although in a low volume so that they wouldn't be heard.
"Why do you really want to watch that movie?" the android asked with a hint of curiosity. "Do you have some kind of plan?"
Esther let out a small laugh as she looked for the popcorn in the cupboard.
"How paranoid, Rosey the Robot," she said with a mocking tone. "I want to see it for the exact reason I mentioned. You haven't forgotten what we talked about the other day, have you?"
"No," M3GAN replied. "You asked me if I had ever actually seen any of those movies, or if I was just repeating what was in my database."
"Exactly. I'm curious to know your perspective on Casablanca, one of the greatest films of all time, after seeing it with your eyes… or with whatever it is you see. And I wonder if a machine like you will be able to determine why it's so good and important."
M3GAN remained silent for a few moments, watching her as she placed the popcorn in the microwave oven. She tried her best to process Esther's explanation. Usually, it shouldn't take her so long, but on this particular occasion, she seemed to be having a little difficulty understanding Esther's intentions. All her reasoning led her back to the same question:
"Why?" she blurted out suddenly.
Esther turned over her shoulder, confused.
"Why what?"
"Why are you so interested in that?" M3GAN insisted. "What are you trying to prove? That, despite all my functionalities and capabilities, I'm incapable of perceiving and understanding the deeper, more subtle things the way a real human being would?"
"I don't need to prove that," Esther replied confidently. "That's a fact I'm more than certain of. What I'm curious about, if anything, is seeing how you try."
M3GAN remained silent again, and once more struggled to process her words, especially to understand if what she was saying was some kind of… challenge?
The silence in the kitchen was broken by the microwave's beep, signaling that the popcorn was ready. Esther carefully took them out and served them all in a bowl.
"Come on, the show is about to start," she told her companion in a sing-song voice, and headed back to the living room with the popcorn.
M3GAN hesitated for a moment, still deep in her processing and deliberations, before she could react and force herself to walk behind her.
— — — —
The rain intensified during the journey, becoming almost a downpour. Gemma arrived at Cafe Allegro fifteen minutes late. To her relief, Lydia hadn't arrived yet. However, to her concern… Lydia still hadn't arrived.
She tried not to panic. The streets were chaotic because of the rain, so maybe Lydia was stuck in traffic or something. More or less convinced of that, she decided to order a light coffee and sit down at a table. That way, she could warm up a bit after the slight, unintentional soaking she'd gotten just walking from the car to the cafe door, despite her umbrella.
Gemma sat by the window, holding her mug with both hands as she watched the rain patter against the glass. The place was moderately busy that Sunday evening. A group of five, seemingly students, occupied a table in the back, each more engrossed in their own screen than in the others. A larger group of friends laughed and chatted animatedly at two tables pushed together to fit everyone. And an elderly couple shared a slice of cake in the corner farthest from the entrance.
And then there was her, the solitary woman by the window, who, from the perspective of any of the other customers, must have looked like some kind of pathetic, sad person drowning her sorrows in… coffee. Though she was probably exaggerating. Luckily, going to a cafe alone in those days wasn't so out of the ordinary. Besides, she wasn't alone; she was waiting for someone… or so she hoped.
Her fingers drummed nervously on the mug. She glanced again at her phone to see if she had missed calls or a message saying Lydia wouldn't be coming, but there was neither. Her mind, always so extreme, began to consider the worst-case scenarios: from Lydia simply standing her up… to her car skidding in the rain and crashing.
Gemma, the life of the party, she thought ironically as she took a sip of coffee. She glanced at the door, for the third time in the last five minutes, and saw nothing of interest. She returned her focus to the cup.
By 7:35, she was more than halfway through her drink and seriously considered leaving before enduring this humiliation any longer. But then the clinking of the door as a customer entered caught her attention, making her look up at the entrance like a puppy waiting for its owner. And perhaps she felt a little like that when she finally saw Lydia coming through.
The therapist's hair was soaked from the rain, as was her brown coat; there wasn't an umbrella in sight. Gemma thought she saw her shiver as she took off her wet coat, revealing a lilac blouse with ruffles and a long black skirt that, luckily, seemed to have been saved from the water thanks to the poor coat's sacrifice.
Gemma felt a pang of guilt seeing her like that. Partly for having made her go out in the rain, and partly for having assumed she would stand her up when it was obvious she wasn't having a good time getting there.
Lydia scanned the shop, undoubtedly searching for her. Gemma timidly raised her hand to get her attention, and a warm smile graced Lydia's lips as soon as she spotted her. Perhaps she was as relieved to see her still there, waiting, as Gemma was that she had actually appeared. Lydia adjusted the strap of her bag on her shoulder, slung her wet jacket over her other arm, and made her way through the shop toward her. Gemma, instinctively, ran a hand through her hair, trying to smooth down a stray strand that, in reality, only existed in her imagination.
"Gemma, I'm so sorry," Lydia apologized as she reached the table. "I know I'm really late, but you can't imagine how terrible the traffic was in this rain. Then I couldn't find a parking spot, and I had to park a couple of blocks away, and... Well, as you can probably guess just by looking at me, I forgot my umbrella."
Lydia laughed at that moment as if it were some kind of joke, but Gemma didn't know whether it would be okay to laugh too or not, so she just smiled understandingly.
"It's nothing," Gemma replied, shrugging. "I… I just got here." She lied, and quite obviously, her cup, with its contents clearly near the bottom, was proof enough. But Lydia still seemed to appreciate the gesture silently and made no mention of it.
The therapist hung her coat on the back of the chair in front of Gemma and sat down, letting out a groan of relief, or perhaps of tiredness.
"You look beautiful," she said suddenly with the most genuine smile she could muster. "Meanwhile, I must be a mess right now," she added ruefully, running a hand through her damp hair.
"No, no, you look great," Gemma quickly replied, and it wasn't entirely a lie. The rain had taken its toll on her hair and makeup; that much was undeniable. Even so, Gemma thought she still looked radiant.
A waiter approached the table to take Lydia's order. The therapist sighed and ordered a vanilla latte.
"Something sweet to ease the bad time," she commented humorously, looking at Gemma, who responded with a small smile.
The waiter nodded as he made a note in his notebook, then hurried to the bar.
"Thanks for inviting me," Lydia said suddenly once they were alone, as she dried her face with a napkin. "It's really nice to get out for a while and do something other than work. Especially on Sundays. These days I usually just stay home with my cat and watch Netflix all day…"
She paused, biting her lower lip slightly, as if forcing herself to be silent.
"That sounded a little pathetic, didn't it?" she lamented, embarrassed.
"No, not at all," Gemma replied immediately. "I also usually spend Sundays alone... Well, I used to. Now Esther and M3GAN are here to keep me company."
"How is Esther?" Lydia asked curiously, putting her napkin aside for the moment.
"Very good," Gemma declared. "She even asked when she would see you again, and mentioned that she really enjoys talking to you."
"Really?" exclaimed Lydia, surprised. "How curious."
"Why do you say so?"
"No, it's nothing," Lydia replied, shrugging. "It's just that I haven't gotten the impression that she's very much pleased with my visits, actually... But that's normal, of course," she hastened to clarify, raising a hand in front of her. "I've been doing this for a long time, and I know perfectly well that nobody likes it when a stranger suddenly shows up asking you personal questions."
"Yeah, I know," Gemma said, laughing a little. However, she immediately realized what she was implying. "I mean… I'm not saying it about you, obviously…"
"Don't worry, I know how things are," Lydia said quickly to reassure her. "In fact, that brings me to the important question."
"Important question?" Gemma murmured nervously. There was something about her tone that she hadn't liked much, and it was even less so when Lydia's expression took on a more serious tone. She even crossed her hands on the table, in a pose that Gemma would attribute, perhaps a little prejudiced, precisely to a psychologist examining a patient.
"Tell me," she said in a clear, slow voice. "Is this a professional gathering? I mean, is there something related to work or Esther that you wish to discuss?" She paused briefly before completing the last part of her question. "Or is it something entirely... personal and casual?"
Gemma opened her mouth, but no sound came out at first. She hadn't expected such a direct question, but part of her was grateful. That way, there wouldn't be any misunderstandings, even though she herself didn't know the full nature of the invitation. Although she was certain it wasn't for anything professional, as Lydia had mentioned.
"More the second thing," Gemma indicated, offering a shy little smile. "The truth is, I'd like to… get to know you a little better. You know, outside the context of a social worker, a probationary legal guardian. You give me the impression of being a very nice, intelligent person… And well, Esther told me…"
She fell silent abruptly, realizing where her words were leading, almost forcing herself to bite her tongue to do so. Lydia watched her, somewhat intrigued by this sudden reaction.
"What? What did Esther tell you?" she asked with interest.
Gemma knew perfectly well that telling her she'd invited her out because her ten-year-old niece had said she'd noticed Lydia's interest in her would be an invitation for the therapist to either laugh at her or decide to get up and leave, despite the rain. But she didn't want to lie either, so she decided to stick to a half-truth. Those were always the best, weren't they?
"She told me you and I could be good friends," she finally replied with a relaxed smile, or at least one she tried to force. "That she had a feeling or something. And... I don't know, I thought she was right," she added, shrugging.
She froze the smile on her lips, trying to project a carefree attitude that she certainly didn't feel. And even less so during the next few seconds when Lydia remained silent and observed her, as if studying her, or as if trying to find some hidden intention behind her words. Or at least that's what Gemma thought she was doing.
Suddenly, Lydia smiled again, that kind smile that made something in Gemma's chest twitch.
"I'd like to get to know you a little better, too," she replied, nodding, which released all the tension that had built up in Gemma's chest, leaving in its place a pleasant feeling of well-being. At least until Lydia added, "As friends."
Although Gemma's smile remained, that word, friends, hit her like a ton of bricks. Even though this was a much better scenario than the many catastrophic ones she'd imagined, she couldn't help the pang of disappointment that pierced her chest.
"To be honest, I know we barely know each other," Lydia added, leaning slightly forward across the table, regaining his full attention. "But I consider myself good at judging people; it's part of the job. And I could see from the first time that you're a brilliant person and, of course, dedicated. And that you genuinely care about Esther, even if you sometimes find it hard to show."
Her face became slightly more serious before she continued.
"And it also seems to me that you've been through a lot of things in your life that you don't usually talk about with anyone.
"Is this a therapy session or something?" Gemma commented, laughing and trying to hide her discomfort.
"No, I'm sorry," Lydia apologized, sitting up straight in her chair again. "What I'm trying to say is that I'd like to be that person you can talk to about all the things that bother you or even torment you. Things you might not have been able to talk to anyone about before."
"As… my therapist?"
"As your friend," Lydia emphasized, smiling broadly. "But obviously, we don't have to talk about those things right now. We can talk… about whatever you want," she added, shrugging. "What's your favorite movie, whether you prefer winter to summer, and all those little things that make a person… well, a person."
Gemma nodded slowly, feeling something relax in her shoulders; a tension she hadn't even noticed was there.
"Yeah, okay," she replied with a half-smile. "I'd like you to know all that too, and me to know that about you, of course."
The waiter reappeared at that moment and placed Lydia's latte in front of her. She thanked him, and the young man walked away, leaving them alone again.
"So," murmured Lydia, taking a sip of her coffee, "what kind of music do you like?"
Gemma let out a small, amused giggle at the sudden, direct, and mundane question. It had surprised her that she actually wanted to chat about such ordinary things. But it did help her relax a little enough to answer and let the conversation flow.