#MHAW2017 – Why we must keep talking about mental health. It is Mental Health Awareness Week – seven solid days in which the aim is to raise awareness about mental health.

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#MHAW2017 – Why we must keep talking about mental health. It is Mental Health Awareness Week – seven solid days in which the aim is to raise awareness about mental health.
Gin & Tonic Drizzle Cake
Gin & Tonic Drizzle Cake
One of the first times I had a G&T was when I went to stay at a friend’s house one of the half-terms or leave-outs. I still remember how happy I was that I’ve discovered this drink. Some people tell me it’s weird that I love it since it’s an ‘old man drink’, but I don’t get it… There’s honestly been very few situations in my life for which a G&T is inappropriate. Sunny, rainy, formal, casual… The…
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Don't tell me what I can and can't be upset about.
Don’t tell me what I can and can’t be upset about.
I have to admit, I’m not an avid follower of Louis CK’s comedy. Is that even the right way to phrase it? I don’t know. See? That’s how little I care about Louis CK. Sometimes I find his content a little bit too… out there for my liking. Most of it I find hilarious, but I honestly can’t say I’m the biggest fan of his stuff. That being said, I came across this quotation from him recently that…
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My Perfect Cream Cheese Frosting
My Perfect Cream Cheese Frosting
Let’s make a game out of this. Guess how many times I say ‘cream cheese frosting’ in this post. If you get it right, let me know and I’ll give you a surprise present. (more…)
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I’m flicking through your photo album now, and, my goodness – what a year you’ve been.
At the beginning of the year, you brought my family together in Hong Kong to celebrate the union of my cousin Alex and his wife Wendy. It was the first time my entire family – all ten of us cousins, our parents and aunts and uncles and grandparents – were in the same room. You started off my year showing me how marvelously close and loving my family is, and I felt such immense gratitude for that.
After that, it was pretty much all work and limited play as you drove my finals exams closer and my stress levels higher every day. Despite that, you brought me some wonderful people to support me throughout these stressful six months of my life, more notably – my gorgeous group of C1 pals. From going to Edinburgh for a weekend in the name of our interest in psychiatry and skiving hospital to make a lemon meringue pie, to Curry Thursdays and Fishbowl Fridays and helping me get ‘Oslo-fit’. Christ, I don’t even think they realise how special they made my fourth year.
Speaking of people who held me up, another highlight was living with my best girl friend. Words cannot describe how much I’ve enjoyed fourth year having her as my housemate. She has been my pillar of strength as I struggled through 2016. We had some pretty fun times together, too: ‘Schttahhp itttt… Sophie’s not here, babe’ will forever be my go-to one-liner to whip out, and sending a stranger ugly selfies via AirDrop is a new favourite hobby of mine. She also brought a new friend into my life, someone who I wouldn’t have even believed I’d have anything in common with, let alone actually become so close. Still, I am eternally grateful.
Perhaps the biggest highlight of the year was that I fricking passed all my exams! If someone had told me back in Malvern that one day, not long from then, I will have sat and passed my exams to qualify as a doctor, I would’ve laughed in their face. But you proved me wrong, 2016; you showed me that through hard work, perseverance, and just a little dash of self-belief, I could achieve whatever it is I set out to do.
Now, if I’m being honest, 2016, you have also been one of my toughest years. I made the decision to move to London for my intercalation, and suddenly, everything you taught me about being able to do anything if I believed in myself seemed to have vanished. Many other factors contributed to this, of course, but my physical health suffered, and my mental health… Well, my mental health practically disintegrated.
I can look back at those two/three months now, though, and I can honestly say I am thankful. Thankful that I’m feeling better, of course.Thankful that I am slowly re-learning that I am strong enough to overcome it. Above all, thankful that you reminded me just how extraordinarily blessed I am to be surrounded by such generous, loving, and supportive family and friends. Somehow I managed to draw the courage to talk about it, properly, for the first time. I finally found strength to say out loud that I was not okay, and it has done nothing but wonders for me. I feel a million times closer to my family, as I no longer feel like I’m hiding something from them. I sought professional help, and I am reassured that I can and I will get better. I am also forever thankful for my cousin for coming to visit me at the drop of a hat. That week with her was the most fun I’ve had all semester – a week filled with laughter and deep talks and sweet-talking a fella into gifting us a gigantic gingerbread man toy. #chaifi4dayz
Now I can’t talk about surviving my semester from Hell without mentioning my two of my best friends who had moved to London to intercalate as well. With all our the foodie adventures, the journal clubs we struggle through, and the pizzas that take two hours to arrive, they have made my living in London bearable. I am thankful, also, for another best friend of mine, even though she’s still in Liverpool, she is always only one text away. I’m also especially happy that I finally got to spend a day in Tokyo with her, something we’ve talked about since the day I met her outside Vine Court in first year!
2016, you also brought us some heart breaking news about the health of a family member this year. It was overwhelmingly difficult watching a part of my family go through this, and I felt incredibly helpless. I am this close to qualifying to be doctor, God damn it, yet all I could do was stand by and watch as I offer nothing but hugs and prayers. You rolled out good news soon enough, and I am beyond relieved. You also ended this saga by marking it with the happiest of all happy news! I pray that this is your sign that the New Year will bring more joy into my family, because – damn, son – enough is enough.
In terms of love, 2016, let’s just say you haven’t been the best. You have brought me make-ups and break-ups and fuck-boys galore. You have also brought me a heart full of love, but then mirrored it with a sack full of heartache. You, my dear, have truly been one heck of an emotional rollercoaster in this department. But still, I hold no grudges; you have shown me the importance of self-love. I have learnt that the relationship I have with myself is the most important one of all, and I intend to spend more time working on that before I trouble myself with anymore irrelevant drama.
Well, my friend, that brings my letter to you to a close. Between your ups, you have also given me my fair share of downs, and I’m going to wrap you up by looking at the possibilities of 2017. Almost everyone will have similar dreams: to travel more, to be more successful, to be happier. I am no exception to that, although I am definitely trying to put an emphasis on the last one. So here is my new years resolution: I want to be kinder to myself, and I want to spend more time looking after myself. Not in the spoiling myself kind of way, but that I need to remember that overworking and overloading stress onto myself is not a sustainable way for me to live.
In a way, 2016, I thank you. Even though the latter half of you has undoubtedly been difficult, I am slowly beginning to accept that maybe change isn’t so scary after all. Through moving to London, I have learnt a lot about myself and my ability to be an adult. I’ve met a lot of fantastic people here, and I had the chance to reconnect with some of my old schoolmates whom I’ve lost touch with, too. With that, I think I’m ready as I’ll ever be to close your chapter, and start afresh to see what 2017 will bring.
Dear 2016 I’m flicking through your photo album now, and, my goodness - what a year you've been.
Last month was the lowest I have ever felt in my life, and it was quite honestly one of the scariest experiences I have ever gone through. It was probably one of the scarier things I have ever put my friends and family through as well, and to those I burdened, I apologise.
Nevertheless, now that I am on the other side of that particular trough, I am feeling a lot more in control of my emotions. I have also developed a few small strategies and changes to my daily routine that I found have helped me greatly in keeping my anxiety in check.
I’m sharing this today mainly because it’d be nice for me to have something written in black and white to read if and when I should need it. Who knows, maybe there’s something on this list that could help any fellow anxious people, too.
Or maybe you’ll hate them or think they’re stupid, in which case, for the love of God, don’t tell me! Otherwise I’ll obsessively worry about having let you down. I kid (kind of… Not really.), but just bear in mind that these are the list of things that helps me. And if they work for just one other person out there, then this would’ve been worth it enough for me to share.
At the risk of looking a bit Buzzfeedy, here we go:
Meditate
I used to joke about this all. The. Time. My previous therapist told me last year to try Mindfulness and I practically laughed in her face. She made me listen to some 10-minute tape of a hypnosis man telling me to breathe in…. breathe out…. And I fell asleep right there in her office. It was ridiculously embarrassing when she had to wake me up and tell me that I was about to fall off my chair. I haven’t listened to any mindfulness tapes since then, but I do try to just have a couple minutes to myself where I sit/lie there and focus on the now. It really has helped me calm down, and detach from whatever it is that is causing me acute anxiety. It is not a cure, no, but I have found that I am much more calm afterwards. I usually incorporate this at the end of my yoga routine, which brings me onto number 2.
Yoga
Again, this was something I used to laugh at, too. I didn’t care for the poses or the stretches or the names of the yoga poses. I didn’t feel like it was a good work out, therefore I opted for doing something more high intensity in the gym instead. However, the pace of yoga really does help me mellow out, plus it IS a good workout! My goodness, after my first yoga class I was so damn sore I could barely lift my arms the next day… Those damn downward dogs and planks really do tire out my weak-ass shoulders! And a month later, I already am feeling a little bit more limber, too, which is always fun. I go to classes provided by the uni and I also do yoga at home, following Lesley Fightmaster’s YouTube classes. She is such a babe.
Exercise
Exercise releases endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don’t shoot their husbands. They just don’t.
No brownie points for guessing correctly where that quotation is from ;) While exercising doesn’t guarantee that a person isn’t a murderer, it definitely does release any pent up frustration that may be contributing to my anxiety. So I try to get my sweat on at least twice a week (doesn’t sound like a lot, but it is for me, okay!?) I’ve never boxed a day in my life but there is a couple of those punching bag things at my gym and OH. MY. DAYS. It is so fun to punch the shit out of something with no consequences and I guarantee you, you will such a rush of euphoria afterwards.
Get busy in the kitchen
I cook or bake a lot when I feel anxious. I am blessed enough to be able to go to the shops whenever I want to restock on any ingredients I need, and I am always in the kitchen whipping up something yum. I even have a whole Instagram page to back me up on this! My food is not even always good to be honest, but the process of cooking keeps my head clear and my hands busy, and allows me to focus my energy on something other than fretting over nothing. While I understand that cooking isn’t for everyone, I would highly recommend a hobby of some sort, be it crocheting or knitting or calligraphy. Anything granny-ish like that tends to do the trick.
Cutting back on caffeine
After two weeks of going cold turkey on caffeine and a myriad of headaches and migraines from the withdrawal later, I am definitely feeling the benefits now. I don’t get all jittery when I don’t have my coffee every hour on the hour, and I don’t have those unexpected episodes of palpitations or tremors anymore. I still drink some caffeine, but I’ve limited myself to one cup of coffee a day and a bunch of other decaffeinated teas. Mind you, going down from 6-8 cups a day to this!? I never thought it was possible.
Going out for a walk
This is different to when I talked about exercising earlier. By this, I mean when I feel that I am starting to get anxious, I now force myself to stop whatever it is that I’m doing, and just go outside for a stroll. Unfortunately there isn’t as much green space immediately accessible around the area I live in as I would like, but strolling up and down South Bank isn’t bad for the old clearing of the mind. Unless it’s rush hour. Nowhere is mind-clearing when it’s rush hour.
Last year when things got particularly out of hand, I went up to the Lake District several times for a proper hike in the pouring rain. Being in nature does help a lot. (I used to live in Liverpool… so going to the Lakes weren’t as much of a trek as it is now that I’ve moved to London!)
Challenging my negative thoughts
This is a new one, and I admit I’m not good at doing this at all. I’m trying now to be more aware of my thought processes as I know I have a tendency to spiral downwards pretty quickly in a whirlpool of ‘I’m a failure; I’m not good enough’.
By being more conscious of these thought processes, I hope to catch out when I’m being too negative. Hopefully I’ll learn to challenge these thoughts. Why am I making these negative assumptions about myself? What am I basing these assumptions on?
This is not easy. But I know it’ll help me in the long run and prevent me from wallowing in self-pity.
Do you, boo.
Ah, Kate Nash, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for this wonderful piece of advice. I know she didn’t mean this for people with GAD, but I’ve chosen to apply it in this setting. Don’t let anyone tell you your GAD is an ‘overreaction’, or you should ‘just get over it’, or ‘pull yourself together’ etc. YOU DO YOU . Don’t listen to anyone else, other than your own gut instinct or your therapist when tell you how to manage your anxiety. You know what works best for you, and Lord knows it is a difficult concept to try and make a non-anxious people understand just what the heck having GAD feels like.
Pray
I’m not going to preach here, and I realise that this is an entirely personal choice and I am NOT trying to covert anyone to Christianity. I just wanted to put it out there that my choice to put my faith in God, and to trust that He only throws upon me what He knows I can handle, is one of the main things that has kept me sane.
Lipstick
If all else fails, I put on any of my fifty kick-ass red lipsticks and it immediately perks me up. Don’t believe me? Try it. Nothing beats a good red.
These are only strategies one can adopt at home to help with their anxiety. If you feel like you could benefit from any professional help from clinicians or psychologists or anything like that, I implore you to seek help. There should be no shame in admitting that sometimes things get a bit overwhelming.
My therapist gave me a great analogy the first time I met him. He said that, sometimes we get into bad habits with out thinking patterns. We know they’re negative, but it’s hard to break the habit of being harsh and negative and mean to ourselves, precisely because they’re a habit, and all habits by definition are hard to break. Going to a psychologist looking for help via CBT or whatever therapy type you feel you need to help break out of these bad mental habits is no different than going to see a dietician, or a nutritionist, a personal trainer to get your curb your bad physical health habits.
Ultimately, there should be no shame in needing help. It doesn’t matter that you feel low today. It might be a long and slow process to get back on your feet but there are plenty of people here to help and plenty of people on this precise journey as well.
With that, I think I’ve rambled on enough now.
Until next time.
10 Things I Do When I’m Feeling a Bit Anxious Last month was the lowest I have ever felt in my life, and it was quite honestly one of the scariest experiences I have ever gone through.
We Need to Talk About Rape & Sexual Assault
We Need to Talk About Rape & Sexual Assault
Trigger warning: This post will (clearly) be touching on the topic of rape and sexual assault. If this topic is a trigger for you, please read at your own discretion. For years, I’ve stayed fairly quiet about my own experience with sexual assault. Now I’m speaking out. (more…)
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Living with an anxiety disorder and what you can do to help Feeling anxious is normal. Like a bit nauseous as you walk into your finals exams, or having butterflies in your stomach as you're about to go on stage and deliver speech to hundreds of people.
Life After Roaccutane
Hello Internet, it’s been a hell of a long time hasn’t it? This time last year, I was put on Roaccutane for the horreeeendous acne I was suffering. This time last year, I wrote a post all about the things one should know before they start on the drug. Well, I’m now a Roaccutane veteran, and it’s been about 4 months since I came off the medication – wahey! I’ve been meaning to document my journey…
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Lavender Earl Grey Cake
Lavender Earl Grey Cake
My old housemates and I are MASSIVE tea drinkers. To the point where we had a tea cupboard in our kitchen that was so full it barely shut, and then we’d end up having various boxes of teabags lying around the house. It was magnificent. Us 15 Guelph Street gals were also big on unique cake flavours, and since its my beautiful ex-housemate’s birthday, I whipped this little beauty up for her.…
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3AM THOUGHTS | Male Sexual Entitlement
3AM THOUGHTS | Male Sexual Entitlement
So, before I get started, let me get one thing out the way: I’m a feminist. Oh shit! Not the ‘F’ word! Pipe the fuck down. Yes, I’m a feminist. I’m not awfully outspoken about it because I’m not as eloquent as some of my colleagues. I’m also not very good at expressing my feelings, so most of the time I just end up confusing myself as I lose my train of thought. However, a couple of things have…
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Coffee & Walnut Cake
Coffee & Walnut Cake
There are two types of cakes in this world: those extravagant, rich, luscious gateaux that are probably covered with intricate and delicate royal icing shenanigans; and the homely, comforting type that is arguably better. The latter is the sort of cake that I prefer to make – quick and easy. (Ha, I’m probably biased because I’m just not artsy enough to make a fancy-ass cake that looks like it…
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Strawberries and Cream Cupcakes
AND THE PRODIGAL DAUGHTER RETURNS! I kid, I kid… I always go a bit MIA when it comes to this blog but… I’ve just got other things going on in my life, yano? Ha, again, I kid. My life is pretty much nothing but studying for medicine and crying about how stressful my course is.. But exams are over, results are out, and I can finally stop stressing and enjoy my summer! HUZZAH! Instead of going out…
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Please Sir, may I have S'MORES?!
Holy moly has it actually been 5 months since I last posted a recipe on here?! Goddamit, how awful am I?! To be fair though, I have been going baking MAD – just follow me on Instagram and you’ll see ;) [Hint: my instagram name is waterandbay, go follow!] So without further dilly-dallying, here is my ultimate summer cupcake – the S’MORES CUPCAKE!
These cakes are just divine. Bit of a faff to…
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An open letter to Katie Hopkins
An open letter to Katie Hopkins
Originally posted on J BARLOW:
Dear Katie,
Earlier today it came to my attention that you had tweeted your opinions about depression – the biggest mental health issue that faces this country, bar your ignorance.
Many believe that the opinions you spout are nothing more than a cry for attention much like when a dog defecates for the attention of its owner, which ironically is a form of…
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Things You Should Never Say to Someone With Acne.
PARENTAL ADVISORY: Explicit language is used very frequently in the following post. The amount of swearing is directly proportional to the level of anger I am experiencing whilst writing this. #SorryNotSorry
Acne is common. Really common. Adult acne, however, probably not so much, and I’m one of the unlucky few who have to live with it. I’ve been dealing with skin issues for what seems like…
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Sticky Toffee Pudding Cupcakes
Sticky Toffee Pudding Cupcakes
Sticky toffee pudding.
STP.
Three letters that just gets me all giddy inside. Stodgey, gooey, and unapologetically sweet, it’s just the thing you want to be waiting for you at home when you come in from the hail/snow mess that we’ve had today.
Although it’s always compared to other cakey desserts that involves a syrup or a treacle sauce, the STP is actually more much like a ginormous muffin. The…
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