` WEAPONISED

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐃𝐄 𝐔𝐒 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐏𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐔𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐄

[shinnogi]

      we can never be gods, after all - but we can become something less than human with frightening ease [...] the knives that will slaughter heaven, our heads bloody but unbowed [...] for ours is a fate worse than death...

        GUIDELINES   .   MUSES  .   MEMES  .

[shinnogi]

it’s that time of the year again where I’m thinking of toxic oro.sasu 🫣

[shinnogi]

bothering my manager at 8 am uk time to tell him I’ve been dealing with a high fever overnight and haven’t slept a single hour so I don’t feel well enough go log in to work today is the most awkward thing ever 😭

[shinnogi]

I’m already dreading work tomorrow 😭☠️ like the fact that I have to spend 8 whole hours calling people from manchester is absurd and I hate it

[shinnogi]

I think I will have to adhere to the cliché of making Kisame a marine biologist in his modern verse, like I will just have to

[kiigan]

And then I'll reject them.

ㅤEven though he was well aware his son would never do such a thing — Ryuu was mischief incarnate at the best of times, yes, but he was never cruel nor heartless — Itachi had to laugh at those words spewed out so boldly, shaking his head. Instead of predictable admonishment, however, what he did was to playfully pinch his son's side, silently reminding him that he wasn't above returning to the threat of tickles from before and make it a reality.

«I will make sure to speak to your father about this.»

ㅤAnd that was the last he was willing to add to the topic of that mission, lest it really ended up eroding his good mood. Never one to put up with incompetence, much less when it might eventually harm his loved ones. Pushing the thought aside, Itachi made himself focus on Ryuuichi's reaction to the possibility of coming clean with Log, and he was not disappointed. His youngest son was such a paradox, sometimes. «My darling boy, you truly are a coconut.» Something strange to say? Hard to take for a compliment? He made sure to make it explicit right after. «So tough on the outside and hard to crack open but, once someone manages to, what lies underneath is as sweet as honey.»

ㅤShaking his head again, this time unable to hold back his snickering at the thought that the Snake Sannin would ever do such a thing, Itachi brought his hand up again to play with his baby's hair. «He will not literally kill you, that much I can promise. And I would know, because much of what I am nowadays, myself, is thanks to him.» To this day, he still could not understand why Orochimaru had not been considered as a candidate — the best candidate — to become Hokage. Or, well... he did know exactly why. He did. Same reason why Fugaku, for example, or even Mikoto, had also never been considered. Because none of them were seen as trustworthy by the obsolete old mummies in the Council; with all due respect, which was very little.

ㅤ«Would you like me to speak to sensei about this? I could ask for permission to court his son, on your behalf.» The offer sounded serious enough, even though Itachi's smile was still as firm in place as before.

[shinnogi]

      Ryuuichi flinched away from his father's playful pinch to his side, making a soft hum in the back of his throat, acknowledging that his father would be sharing the weirdness that happened during his mission with Neji. Neji, who was an ANBU captain. In Ryuuichi's opinion, the scariest ANBU captain. The younger twin choked at being called a coconut, a scandalized frown marring his face.

      ❛  Dad! You can't just expose me like that!  ❜ he huffed, but there was no real aggravation in his voice. ❛  Who knows who might be listening in? I have a reputation to uphold, y'know? Jeez.  ❜ Ryuuichi did not disagree with his father's playful assessment, though. Anyone who knew the twins could see that Ryuuichi was all bravado and toughness on the outside, but on the inside, he was as soft as one could be—rather the opposite of his older brother.

      ❛  Besides, everyone in the family knows I am just a little prince. Mura is the strong one; he is all soft and gooey on the outside, but on the inside? He's tough.  ❜ Ryuuichi was his brother's shield, while Homura was Ryuuichi's rock. He would never admit it to anyone, but there were only four people who could scare the hell out of him: Neji, Itachi, Homura, and now, well, Orochimaru.

      Ryuuichi leaned into his father's touch, sighing deeply. He never thought having a real crush would be this anguish-inducing. ❛  Dad, I know you think that, but, like, I have nothing to offer his son! Like, nothing at all!  ❜ Ryuuichi brought his thumb to his mouth, biting his nails to stave off the anxiety. ❛  I mean—I do; I am very hot, and I am very good in bed, mind you. But like... anything else? Nothing. Nada.  ❜

      The younger man groaned, shaking his head. ❛  No, no, please, that would be so uncool. Like, I would have to change identities, Dad.  ❜ Ryuuichi sighed again, feeling like a princess in a castle, trapped with no escape from feelings he couldn't deal with. He was a player, a man of the people, and yet there he was, pining for an older man. ❛  I will just... pine, right? That's normal, and these feelings will go away... somehow, right?  ❜

[kiigan]

It's like getting stumped while trying to master a jutsu.

ㅤAnd here was yet another concept that Itachi honestly could not relate to. For as long as he could remember himself, he'd never had to face such experience — teaching himself how to concentrate chakra at the soles of his feet so that he could climb the kitchen cupboards and grab the box of dango hiding there, mastering the clan's Great Fireball a few seconds after Fugaku had introduced him to it, just to name a couple of clear examples. Regardless... he did understand the reasoning underlying his mother's words, even if perhaps the example chosen had not been the most accurate one. Mikoto did know his perfectionism better than most, after all, and had witnessed time and time again the lengths he would go to ensure that literally everything he did was never anything if not that: perfect, flawless. With everything good and bad that such a mindset implied.

ㅤ«Would you say that loving someone is like a battle, then? To use a metaphor, of course — not literally so. But in the sense that you want to overcome your proverbial opponent? A competition of sorts? You wish to prove that you are better than them at the art of loving one another?»

ㅤDid any of this even make sense...? It sounded kinda awful, when put this way, but Itachi truly was trying his best to understand it and, usually, it helped him whenever he was able to describe the situation and every variable involved in it. Understand, explain, control, predict — that's how it always went. It was at the basis of the scientific method, as it was. Fortunately, as his mother continued talking, the next thing she said turned out to be not as complicated to crack; namely, this idea of a lover as a sort of rival. That wasn't too far away from what he'd just proposed, right? Which meant, at least, that he wasn't completely clueless and this realization reassured Itachi a little. Maybe there was hope yet.

ㅤ«I can understand that much, yes. If he sees you as a rival, that means he sees you as an equal — he respects you and he does not take you lightly.»

ㅤBut the problem now was... shouldn't that be true for everyone, then? Wasn't that something like basic human decency? ...Maybe he wasn't making as much progress as he'd thought just a few seconds prior. Sighing softly, Itachi brought a hand up to rub at his temples; not necessarily enough to have provoked a headache, but more like a subconscious reflection of the sheer confusion that he was currently plunged in. It was to the point where now he wanted to go and ask the exact same questions to his father, to get a grasp on Fugaku's point of view and compare it to Mikoto's, look for areas that overlapped and areas that had no coinciding at all. He knew better than that, however. Even Itachi, with all his trouble to understand the ways of social conventions and interpersonal relationships, had earned the morals to describe the Uchiha leader as emotionally constipated socially inept. Best to not go prod at that hornet's nest; maybe, in a few years and once Sasuke was old enough for these things, he could speak to his brother instead.

ㅤWith his nose being booped, Itachi smiled in response to the cute gesture and measured his words for a moment longer. Whether he would ever see Shisui and/or Izumi in that same light was something he could not tell, much less if his friends would reciprocate such sentiment to begin with, but this made him think of something else. «Mother, do you believe the idea that there is someone for every single person? As in, that every single person will be able to find romantic love one day, at some point? I see this subliminal message in many books and films and I am conflicted on what to think of it, myself. It sounds concerningly like the Just-World fallacy.»

[shinnogi]

      Would you say that loving someone is like a battle, then?

      Her son's words made her consider the possible logic he might have been following. Mikoto was aware her examples were not the best when it came to Itachi—still, her son might be a little too logical, too estranged from the general consensus, but he was not incapable of empathy or putting himself in other people's shoes. Even if he had never really struggled with mastering techniques. ❛  I would say so,  ❜ she considered, her voice soft as she tried to organize her thoughts to best sate her son's curiosity.

      ❛  Not in the sense of proving one is better at loving than the other,  ❜ Mikoto smiled, her eyes still soft but glittering at the silly notion that love was a competition of egos, ❛  but to prove your love is genuine, to prove that you are worthy of loving them and being loved by them.  ❜ Her own words made her consider her relationship with her husband. Neither one worthy of the other, neither one engaged in that sort of battle—neither one willing to prove the veracity of feelings that did not really exist anymore, if ever.

      To think that the reason Hiashi's starlight eyes had caught her attention was not only for their beauty, but because they saw her as a person—not just a soon-to-be woman, not just a soon-to-be mother—but a rival. Equal. ❛  I think that was exactly what I liked about him, you know?  ❜ Mikoto did not mean to sigh so hopefully, like a schoolgirl with a crush, and yet, thinking of the past often had her in a daydreaming mood. ❛  You see, Itachi, when I was a child, things were not as progressive as they are now.  ❜ Not that it had changed much, but even then, changes had been made. ❛  As a woman, I was... just that. I was not seen as a shinobi; I was a future mother—someone's future wife.  ❜

      There was a certain bitterness in Mikoto's voice as she talked about it. So many times being scolded by her own mother about her 'unruly' disposition that would render her unmarried. ❛  Even being a direct descendant of Uchiha Madara by blood, even being the best in my class, I was not seen as anything other than this other being—mother and wife—even when I was a child.  ❜ She did not regret becoming a mother; her children were her life. But as a young woman, she had yearned for adventure, for battle in the way it was frowned upon by society.

      ❛  Hiashi-kun, however, did not treat me like that...  ❜ her voice grew shy, soft as she remembered the rivalry with the Head of the Hyuuga clan. ❛  He saw me for my skills; he valued my opinions in his own infuriatingly elitist ways. But he did.  ❜ Mikoto's fingers once again tangled themselves in Itachi's soft hair, gently running through the dark strands, a soothing motion for her sake more than for Itachi's. ❛  He was the only one who did not think the best I could do, the best I could accomplish, was to become someone's wife, in a time where everyone thought so.  ❜

      Itachi's next question made her chuckle. It was a nice concept, wasn't it? To think there was someone designed to love you, someone created by whatever powers that be, specifically to love you. No matter how absurd it might sound, it was comforting to think it to be true. ❛  It would be a comforting thought, wouldn't it? To think that from the moment you are born, someone designed to love you is also walking the same earth.  ❜ As a child, she would think about it, about a soulmate of sorts. Secretly, she would hope it would be Hiashi.

      ❛  But love isn't something that just happens. Love is a choice. Love is difficult; it is at times painful and tiring. But it is love because you actively choose to love that person every day, no matter what, through the good and the bad.  ❜ The concept of soulmates sounded delightful, because it stripped people of the responsibility of having to try, to actively love someone who was not perfectly crafted for them. ❛  Love isn't a stagnant thing, a blanket term. It is action. It is effort; it is dedication. Which is why I think your books enjoy the concept that there is someone for every single person out there. Someone made specifically for them.  ❜

      Mikoto then smiled, thinking of the future, of Itachi and Sasuke finding love. Would she be alive to see it? ❛  As a mother, I can allow myself to indulge in that thought—not for myself, of course, but for you. For Sasuke.  ❜

[kiigan]

She can't be a kitty and a bumblebee—

ㅤ«Of course she can! Once she's grown up a bit more, we'll get her a bumblebee costume and you'll see — tiny wings and tiny antennae and all. Maybe I can even craft it myself, and you'll help me.»

ㅤWhich immediately also gave Itachi the thought of getting Homura a matching bumblebee onesie, and that would surely turn out to be the cutest thing in this whole world. Either way, he nodded at his son's suggestion with a smile. «Red and dinosaurs it is. We likely won't find something so specific, but we can always buy a red bowl and then we'll pain the dinosaurs ourselves. What do you say?» Was there ever anything better in life? Spend the days in blissful tranquility, taking care of his babies and doing little art projects like this? Heaven on earth, really.

ㅤHomura's reaction to the clone suggestion, however, did surprise Itachi. What could it be about such a simple act that apparently unnerved him so much? He didn't ask, for the time being — not wanting to detract from the otherwise lighthearted mood — and pinned the thought for later, to keep observing and try to crack that little mystery. «No clones, then. I have another idea.»

ㅤLeaving the kitten to keep stuffing her face, Itachi brought Homura over to the house's living room and gathered a few books and pillows with his free hand before kneeling on the floor. Still keeping the toddler warmly snuggled against him, he was quick to improvise a sort-of playpen against the side of the couch. «We'll put her in here before we leave. This way, she can play around and have a nap if she wants, without wandering away or getting into trouble before we're back.»

[shinnogi]

      Homura still had his doubts about whether the kitten could also be a bumblebee, but he would trust his dad. After all, why would he lie to him? ❛  Okay... I will help,  ❜ Homura's little voice lost a bit of its confidence in the middle of his sentence. He was never really quite sure of his own capabilities. ❛  I-if I can.  ❜

      And then, his mind was distracted again by the thought of his twin brother and the bowl they would buy for the kitten that day. ❛  Daddy...? C-can we buy something with a dino in it, a-and then paint it red for Ryuu?  ❜ Homura's little mind was thinking ahead. He was sure he would not be able to draw a dino by himself, and he did not want to let his dad do all the work on his own. ❛  I-I'm only good at drawing b-butterflies...  ❜ Homura mumbled, his cheeks growing flushed with his insecurities.

      Snuggled in his father's embrace, the toddler watched as the man arranged a place for the kitten to be safe while they went out. That soothed a few of Homura's worries. That way, the kitten wouldn't get lost inside their home and wouldn't hurt herself. That was good. He still worried about her being alone, though.

      ❛  I have to put my shoes on, Daddy.  ❜ Homura whispered, looking up at Itachi with his starlight eyes glittering with shyness and the usual mix of fear and excitement at going out. Homura wiggled his sock-clad toes. Unlike Ryuuichi, who preferred to roam their home barefoot, Homura disliked having his feet cold and thus preferred to wear socks. ❛  I can do it on my own now; Father taught me,  ❜ the older twin said, his soft voice barely heard.

      Homura waited until he was put down and then rushed on his little legs to get his sandals while his dad prepared everything for them to leave. Trying to remember what his father had told him, Homura put on his sandals, though something didn't look quite right.

      ❛  Daddy...? I t-think I did something wrong...  ❜ His feet looked... slightly different? And Homura wasn't sure why.

[kiigan]

Humidity and heat are a ruthless combo, especially for the warm-blooded.

So true. «And yet here we are... the pinnacle of evolution.»

ㅤIt was said more like an inconsequential joke than anything else. What with his limbs feeling as limp as wet noodles, for once Itachi wasn't really in the mood to take the cue and start on a scholarly discussion about the L.U.C.A., convergent and divergent evolution, darwinism, the impact of ecosystems. But fascinating topic, nonetheless; he'd make sure to pin it for later, once he wasn't feeling like a wet sponge dropped at the bottom of the kitchen sink anymore.

ㅤWith a deep breath, he closed his eyes for a brief moment and then reopened them again, both of them this time and alight with the crimson glow of the sharingan. If they were going out, then it was always best to be safe rather than sorry. Especially when in lands that neither of them were familiar with. «It'll be all right.» The thing with having a body that gradually started falling apart was that, at least, it was a slow process and granted chance for getting used to it; adapt a little bit, learn to live with it and do damage control. Compared to some times he'd experienced before, Itachi could at least say with reasonable confidence that he shouldn't be about to faint like a damsel in distress any time soon. Still, he offered Kisame a cheeky smile before placing a kiss on the palm of his partner's hand and let it go. «I give you permission to take charge, however, if you see me swaying on my feet. Forget all I said and toss me over the shoulder.»

ㅤNow the question was... did he want to bring the coat along? It was almost dresscode for the members of the organization, and not having it on also meant not having access to the myriad of pockets within and the corresponding sealing scrolls that he always kept there. Would that be worth paying the price of feeling like a flower wilting away in a greenhouse? With his paranoid obsessive cautious side quickly kicking in, Itachi decided that, yes, it was worth it. Better to bring it along and deal with it. And so he stood up and walked over to the peg on the wall where said coat was hanging.

«Bring me my hair tie, please. It's on the bedside table.»

[shinnogi]

      Kisame could not help but chuckle yet again. Zetsu enjoyed teasing him about it, calling him a giggling fool whenever he was with Itachi, but how could Kisame ever be blamed? His partner was... so far out of Kisame's league that it was still a bit shocking they had ever ended up together. Ended up as more than just colleagues.

      ❛  I still find that debatable, Itachi-san,  ❜ he said between chuckles, a boyish grin on his face, sharp teeth peeking through. ❛  I mean, evolution is cool and all, but sharks have been around for more than two hundred million years.  ❜ Obviously, Kisame was just joking; he was not one to dabble in debating science, mainly because his own existence went against everything explainable.

      As the younger man placed a kiss upon Kisame's palm, the shark-like man could not help but blush, a faint dusting of pink covering his cheekbones. Still so shy in the face of affection. ❛  Alright. I will hold you to that promise, Itachi-san,  ❜ he mumbled, breathlessly—so impossibly ruined by the softest of kisses.

      ❛  Yes, sir.  ❜ Kisame immediately went to the bedside table, finding the small hairtie there, just as Itachi had said. As enamored as he was with Itachi's long hair, Kisame had never imagined himself letting his own hair grow out like that. He wasn't even sure if he could do it. ❛  Here. Let me tie it for you,  ❜ he said, walking up behind the Uchiha, his hands as gentle as they always were as he gathered the younger man's hair into a ponytail, securing it so that it would not come loose but would not be too tight to be uncomfortable.

      His hands lingered on Itachi's shoulders, his fingers gently kneading the muscles. Kisame once again could not help but be drawn to Itachi, leaning in to place a reverent kiss on his temple. ❛  Should we start by getting a treat? Three-colored dango, maybe?  ❜

[kiigan]

«You don't want to know where I was.»

ㅤMuch less what I was doing was what remained unsaid, even if Itachi's oh-so-delighted smile did speak for itself. Sometimes, teasing Sasuke was an urge too strong to be denied; it was the job of an older brother pretty much, basically came with the contract. With Sasuke trying to shoo him away as though he was an annoying fly, however, Itachi decided it wasn't worth starting an actual fight over. «You know, I really don't know why they decided to make you the frontman when you always sit through these events like you're at the dentist's chair to have a wisdom tooth yanked out.» Wouldn't stop him from speaking his mind, though, even if the tone wasn't hostile. More like actual curiosity and a bit of confusion.

ㅤAll this aside, Itachi did pull away [not without pressing a poke to his brother's forehead first, because certain old habits shall never die] and made himself sit up a bit more straight. The problem with having the freedom to design his own clothes was that, really, sometimes it was easy to go overboard with details and eccentricity and end up making the thing far more complicated than it needed to be. After some pulling and tugging, he managed to get everything mildly in place and decided it was good enough. Never really one to worry too much about what the press would think of his appearance, anyway. And, as if on cue—

People will definitely notice... your activities with your boyfriend if you do them so publicly.

ㅤThis time Itachi was unable to hold back a snort that wasn't exactly derisive but did contain some obvious irony. «Oh my... whatever shall I do.» It wasn't like the entire fanbase, his own and Kimimaro's alike, had been shipping them even before they decided to become official. If anything, at this point, the forums and social media should be full of bets and gossip on what the two of them were doing baskstage, away from prying eyes. And they wouldn't be in the wrong at all. Leaning back again and making himself comfortable against the couch, he left one leg draped loosely over the other at the knee; foot dangling softly in the air, not a care in the world.

ㅤ«You know I don't do any of this for numbers, Sasuke. My only concern is to make the best music for the people who want to hear it and appreciate it. Everything else is superfluous and if someone has a problem with who I date then I am not interested in their support to begin with.»

[shinnogi]

      You don't want to know where I was...

      His brother's words had Sasuke shivering, the implication of them making him want to submerge himself in bleach—to hopefully cleanse his soul and body of whatever Itachi and his boyfriend had been doing minutes prior. Sasuke was a bit relieved when Itachi put some space between them, a slight sigh escaping his lips, tension leaving his shoulders. Not perceptible to the thousands of eyes on them, of course.

      Sasuke's years at Sound Ent. had taught him to keep a mask on throughout every public appearance—the perfect doll, an idol through and through. No matter the invasive question, no matter the uncomfortable situation, Sasuke could endure it all with a gentle smile on his princely features. It was to his own displeasure that he was not the only one with those characteristics at Sound Ent. Itachi's own boyfriend, Kaguya Kimimaro, was Sasuke's biggest rival for the title of perfect idol.

      Itachi's response made Sasuke chuckle—a bitter thing, tired at its edges. ❛  I am sure you will think of something.  ❜ Itachi and his freedom, the creative control he had over everything, was something Sasuke never really understood the appeal of. Sasuke just wanted to make music, to sing. He could not care less about makeup, outfits, and choreography. And that was why he left all the rest to Orochimaru. ❛  If your reputation survives it.  ❜

      ...and if someone has a problem with who I date, then I am not interested in their support to begin with.

      Somehow, those words were more painful to Sasuke than he ever thought possible. More painful even than their first ever argument about the merits of idolhood and independent productions, more painful than the constant comparisons Sasuke had to endure all his life.

      ❛  I see,  ❜ he said, smiling again—his sharp ears able to hear the swooning of fans at that mere action, oblivious to the fact that it was a pained grimace. ❛  Then you won't mind sitting on your own, since my support is unwanted.  ❜ Sasuke rose from his seat, his face still set in the gentlest expression he could muster, before bowing respectfully to his industry senior—who just so happened to be his older brother.

      ❛  Thank you for your company, Itachi-senpai.  ❜ The oddness of calling his own brother 'senpai' was not unintentional. Sasuke was putting distance between them—social distance, the cutting of blood bonds. ❛  I will return to my group now. Maybe you should, too.  ❜

[osumaki]

where an observer might argue that naruto seems to thrill in pressing buttons and pushing the boundary of acceptable amounts of audacity, it's really only fun to get on sasuke's nerves. the idea of reducing the village's adored ikemen to immaturity, the untouchable heir to the uchiha being rustled by someone as low as naruto ? why, who could help themselves ?

of course, it's not as fun when it goes the other way.

he's bordering on something close to a tantrum, fists clenched at his sides, body poised to strike. " haaaaah ?! who're you calling a loser, asshole ?! even clones have feelings, y'know ... they're not just things for you to beat up 'cause you suck at teaching ! " but both of them know he's arguing for the sake of arguing, so though he bristles at being ordered around, naruto chooses to take the high road ( not because he wants to get this taijutsu sequence down pat, and earn some praise from kakashi-sensei for once ... and maybe some acknowledgement from sasuke might be nice too ) and puts his fingers together in the familiar motion of the shadow doppelganger jutsu.

" alright, go ahead and show me then. " he's bracing himself for the pain of impact, even as his clone protests, ' you mean ME ! i don't see you risking your hide for this, coward ! ' and it's true, but seeing a clone with his face getting battered won't ever feel good.

[shinnogi]

      As the Uchiha listened to Naruto's complaints, he considered it for himself—what it would feel like to showcase the sequence of taijutsu he had learned from the one person he now aimed to destroy. What it would feel like to go through the motions of it, to use that person's own words in order to teach Naruto how to do it, too.

      It felt sickening. A feeling Sasuke couldn't quite describe—slimy, eating away at him, making him nauseous. He could only hope one demonstration would be good enough for Naruto to pick it up. That he wouldn't have to repeat it over and over again. To relive the memory he had once cherished, the one he now wished to scrub from his soul.

      He rolled his eyes as he watched Naruto and the clone arguing with each other, once again pondering his life choices before sighing. ❛  You better pay attention, I swear.  ❜ Sasuke shook his arms slightly, a very mild and nonchalant attempt at warming up.

      ❛  First thing you have to do is get your enemy distracted enough for you to do this.  ❜ Sasuke moved like lightning, sliding in front of Naruto's clone, both hands on the ground as he used one leg to kick the clone up into the air as strongly as he could.

      With the clone airborne, Sasuke quickly made a hand seal to teleport himself above it. ❛  Then you jump so you can be above them,  ❜ his voice was louder now that he was considerably higher in the air and away from the real Naruto. ❛  After that, you start kicking them down.  ❜ Sasuke demonstrated his kicks flawlessly—a flip to hit the clone with the back of his leg, another to kick it straight in the chest with the sole of his shoe, another to the back from underneath to lift it slightly. A sequence of seven kicks, culminating in the last one slamming the enemy—or in this case, Naruto's clone—into the ground.

      ❛  That—  ❜ Sasuke paused, taking a few seconds to catch his breath and run a hand through his hair. ❛  is how you do a proper taijutsu combo.  ❜

[kiigan]

Are you hot?

«I would hope so. What do you think?»

ㅤHonestly, that was the best cue ever for silly humor and no way he would have ignored it, going as far as to answer it with the same words Sasori himself had just used. Now fully waiting for confirmation that his husband did, indeed, think he was very hot, but the smile on Itachi's lips was nothing if not fond teasing. Many would say that, considering how his body was on the verge of self-imploding more often than not, he did look great, but that had never concerned him too much. Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and all that, and he would personally much rather find that beauty in someone's soul rather than face and body. Jokes aside, though, he did not want to worry Sasori and was quick to give an actual meaningful response.

«I am all right, I promise.»

ㅤPunctuated with a little kiss to the side of the older shinobi's head. The mild temperature of the restaurant couldn't even compare to the dreadful heat of the outside, but even that he wouldn't complain about. Sasori was finally sharing the details of his homeland with him, and Itachi would welcome all of it; the good, the bad, the ugly, and the risk of being accidentally grilled alive if one was to stand under the sun for too long. That's what the sunscreen was for!

«Oh, stained glass! I do love those.»

ㅤAlas, it wasn't very common to find in Konoha; even the traditional, ancient clans such as the Uchiha and the Hyuuga had never really leaned into it, and it was a shame. A shame, as well, that Itachi could not see said windows and truly appreciate their art, but well. All things considered, he was happy to have Sasori describing them for him and helping him to picture them in his mind's eye. And, in a way, it was even better like this — the human imagination, most times, can make things seem way more than what they truly are, for the good and for the bad. It was a sort of childlike awe for him, to now imagine tall and majestic windows, the different animals and plants carefully depicted. He would never know and that was all right. Shifting a bit, cheek still happily rested on top of Sasori's head, he brought a hand up to gently play with the strands of red hair.

ㅤ«Are they expensive? We could maybe look for an artisan who would make a few of them for us to bring back to our home.» Surely it would look odd, their tiny, very modest cottage in the woods adorned with fancy stained-glass windows, but Itachi didn't care. If his husband liked the idea, they should go for it. It wasn't like money had much of a use for them, anyway — whatever they needed, they could either gather themselves from the wild or they could simply travel to a nearby village and buy it at low cost. Might as well splurge on whims such as this, every now and then.

[shinnogi]

      The redhead could only shake his head, for once glad his husband was not able to see him. Itachi and his infuriating habit of teasing him had been a constant in their relationship, something Sasori had begrudgingly fallen for—and fallen fast. Still, he was not opposed to playing his husband's game. A smirk graced his face before he allowed himself to voice his thoughts.

      ❛  As if 'hot' is enough to describe you,  ❜ he grumbled, rolling chocolate-brown eyes at the taller man. ❛  You are devastating. A forest fire—an inferno. And I am thoroughly scorched by you.  ❜ Sasori wouldn't often indulge his more poetic side, wouldn't often entertain such a hobby. And yet, Itachi always managed to bring out this part of him.

      With the younger man glued to his side, Sasori allowed himself to believe him, allowed himself to not ruin the pleasant mood of their little outing in order to fret over Itachi's fragile health. ❛  Alright. But if you are concealing something from me, I will make you into a puppet in your sleep.  ❜ An empty threat. Sasori could never. In the past, he had entertained the idea of turning the Uchiha into one of his puppets—a rare item in his collection, right next to the Third Kazekage.

      Although the more he was forced to spend time with the younger man, the more he lowered his walls to the Uchiha and his treacherous eyes—beautiful, endless depths of onyx—Sasori could find no other alternative but to cherish him as he was. Alive, breathing, flesh and blood. No woodwork or craftsmanship could do Uchiha Itachi justice.

      Soon enough, their food arrived, and as always, Sasori switched to the common tongue to thank the waitress before allocating the dishes properly onto their table. ❛  I know you do. It's a pity you cannot see them. My words do not do them justice.  ❜ As he spoke, Sasori began to plate some food for Itachi—small portions first, letting his husband taste it and see if he enjoyed it.

      Despite Sasori's previous dislike for physical touch, now that he was once again flesh and blood—as much as a revived body could be—he could not help but relish it. To lean into Itachi's touch and body every time the taller man would grace him with it. Sasori would never ask, but as soon as it was given to him—the glory of affection—he was but a starved creature, begging for more.

      His bliss was short-lived, however, as Itachi mentioned commissioning an artisan to make them stained-glass windows, as if Sasori himself was not one. As if Sasori himself did not know how to make stained-glass windows. ❛  Why would I hire someone else to make my husband stained-glass windows when I can make them myself?  ❜ he huffed, rolling his eyes again to try to hide how possessive he felt of Itachi. The mere thought of someone else making his husband something infuriated Sasori enough for him to want to destroy things.

      ❛  It is as if you have not married an artisan...  ❜ Sasori grumbled, gently placing a plate in front of Itachi. ❛  There. Eat. We will need strength if we are to choose the best materials for our new windows.  ❜

[hatredcurse]

This was an unwanted confrontation. Nary was there a soul more unwitting than Madara when needing to school Izuna. No —— Never schooling; a criticism against the grain of his behavior. Intuition beckoned him with some answers as to what had troubled his youngest surviving brother, and he could only thank the Gods above them for a heart so willing to weep for their troubles.

Measuring a glance between where they sat aloft their cushions, the clan elder sat in a listening silence. He would be rewarded with a predictable answer — and yet he still frowned. Less out of any offense than it were mulling for an agreeable answer; something to soothe the choler of his brother and have him sanguine once more.

" I agree. I have noticed as such myself, " he replied with a placid pragmatism. Even so, with enough pressure, Madara might even concede that the Clan Lord of the Senju may share an opinion with his own kin. It was Madara's own gut-feeling that suggests his value was not in being a person, rather a resplendent tool, and a far more convenient allying weapon.

However, he was in beloved company and so his soured expression wanes into an affability, sharing a smile once more," I am listening. Go ahead. Name me your concerns. "

Criticism is as it were: scathing. There is no helping the nature of contesting thoughts, but he knew he needed to hear it, lest he stand at risk to lose his final blood. Another ache, palpable && obvious, twists into the soft between his ribs once more at the thought. An ache he elected to ignore in favor of being present here and now.

[shinnogi]

      His brother's words once again troubled Izuna, whose mental instability had been nearing incapacitation for months. So, he had seen it too—the disdain in the eyes of the Senju, the disgust with which they looked upon the Uchiha speaking to them. He had seen it and done nothing? Had seen it and not brought it up to his friend, his ally? ❛  And that does not trouble you...?  ❜ Izuna asked, exhaustion and anxiety making his voice even softer.

      Something inside of him rejoiced at the opportunity to be heard, to be seen by his brother. And yet, alongside that warmth, came the dread. Could he really be honest and share with the older man the dreams that plagued his every night? Would his brother make more sense of them than Izuna could? Or would Madara think him insane—ill—and lock him away?

      ❛  I will start by saying that my instincts have never failed me,  ❜ his voice shook with the effort of opening up, of sharing his most secret inner workings. All for the sake of their clan, for their remaining family. ❛  You know this, brother. You grew up with me.  ❜ He recalled running to Madara whenever a dream had plagued him as a child—a dream of unstopping rain flooding a village of felines, only for the same tragedy to befall the Uchiha months later. Izuna had always kept it secret, chalking it up to his imagination, to exhaustion.

      But now that these dreams had intensified, he could not bring himself to ignore them. And whom to share them with if not his dear brother? His brother, who was the shoulders the Uchiha stood on, their safe haven. ❛  I've been having dreams again—the kind of dreams Daito-nii-sama used to call foolish.  ❜ Izuna smiled bitterly, pain making his starless-night eyes sparkle. His older brother Daito had been the first person Izuna had told about his dreams, and the older had shut him down swiftly—like a blade to the heart.

      ❛  In these dreams, I see a tree—alive and pulsating, not a calming green tree, but something ancient, growing, and utterly inescapable.  ❜ Izuna's breath faltered; the memory of the dream was too strong, too terrifying. ❛  Its roots run deep; its branches cover everything. And behind this tree lies an ocean—vast, deep, unpredictable, and utterly merciless—but held back by the roots of that immense tree.  ❜

      Izuna was not sure he was making sense to his brother; he hoped he was. Madara had always understood him the most. Had always been the one Izuna was closest to. His voice grew softer, fonder, as he continued. ❛  There's a tiger, and the tiger trusts this tree; it rubs affectionately against it while growling at the ocean.  ❜ Izuna had never been good at interpreting these dreams, but he knew deep within his soul that the tiger was his brother.

      ❛  With the tiger comes a black cat—smaller, quieter, and less significant—but always there, tiptoeing along the roots that hold back the ocean.  ❜ That was the part where the dream twisted into horror. ❛  Until one night, the ocean claims the cat for itself, and the tiger is alone. The roots no longer hold the ocean back; instead, they sink into the tiger, holding it down, making him watch as the ocean drowns everything around it until there's nothing left...  ❜

      Izuna stopped, his eyes cast downward to avoid seeing the look of disdain on his brother's face. Surely, Madara would think him ridiculous, but Izuna had never felt like this before. Not even when he had dreamt of Daito's death, and all their brothers who followed. ❛  I have been dreaming of this for months, brother. Months in which I cannot rest without seeing it, and I cannot help but think this is a warning.  ❜

      ❛  Am I losing my mind? Please tell me, brother.  ❜

[kiigan]

ㅤ«If you cannot count it, the world already exists: infinity. Or infinite. It means that it's an amount or quantity that never ends.»

ㅤAs he was basically dragged down the corridor now, barely having the chance to say a 'hello mother, I am home' as they passed Mikoto along the way, Itachi thought it best to leave it at that. Tease Sasuke some more about the correct numerical nomenclature, and let the topic of chatting with their father be swept under the rug for the time being. Not that he would forget about it, of course. Having no more tasks assigned for the rest of the day, save for any ANBU emergencies that might always pop out of the blue, that meant he would have time to meet with Fugaku after the family had dinner together... which, in turn, meant he would have a chance to bring this up. Let Sasuke be a child for as long as possible. This was a topic that was non-negotiable for the older brother.

ㅤ«Golden shuriken? How fancy, you'll have to bring them along next time we train together.»

ㅤWhich... might be in a week's time, or a month. It was becoming really hard to tell. Watching the joy of the moment practically ooze from his little brother in waves, however, Itachi was quick to shush his own thoughts and push them away for later. Kneeling on the floor beside the box of toys that Sasuke had just brought over, he landed back on his heels — back perfectly straight and impeccable posture, as ever — and took a moment to snicker to himself at how adorable the display was. To the point where, before anything else, he reached with a hand to gently cup one of Sasuke's cheeks.

ㅤ«No need for such a hurry, though — don't forget to breathe. There is no rush and you don't want to end up with hiccups.»

ㅤTruly, his little brother was an Uchiha through and through; strong emotions, so much enthusiasm that sometimes it got in the way of speaking. Gently pinching that cheek, he then pulled his hand away and leaned curiously to take a better look at all the toys. Yes, he could recognize some of them... even if they'd never had much use in his hand. «Not really. I always did prefer books.» Toys like plushies were okay, though. Good for a quick hug in the middle of the night, when waking up from a nightmare in a panic. And the dinosaur figurines; dinosaur figurines would never not be cool. The rest, however... it was hard for a toddler to have interest in playing with fake ninja gear when, even at that age, he'd already mastered the art of using real ones to take lives. Something that he wasn't going to say out loud.

ㅤ«These ones,» he said instead, taking the little pile of trading cards that he began placing orderly beside them on the tatami floor, «Do you use them to play with your friends? Or are you just looking to finish the collection?»

[shinnogi]

      There his brother goes again, not understanding that Sasuke is always right. The young boy rolled his eyes, a huff of slight irritation escaping him as his brother talked about a word already existing. Even if Itachi was right—even if his brother was also always right—Sasuke still thought his word was better. ❛  Okay, but it doesn't sound as big as bazillion, so,  ❜ he shrugged his small shoulders without looking back at the older boy while dragging him to his room.

      Sasuke was practically vibrating with excitement, his eyes alight with mirth at the mention of training with his brother someday. ❛  Yes! You'll see; they will help me get all the targets this time!  ❜ A bright smile spread across his baby face. And now, on the floor of his room, pulling out his toys and showing them to his brother, Sasuke felt that weird knot inside his tummy go away—that knot that was always there when the topic was Itachi, when he wanted to ask him something, or ask him to play or train. At that moment, the knot was gone, replaced by bubbly happiness.

      Sasuke had been babbling, excitement making him stumble through his words and struggle to enunciate them properly. He then froze as Itachi cupped his cheek, noticing how breathless he was. So the small boy took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down a little. He hated getting hiccups. As Itachi answered his question, Sasuke tilted his head. He had known his brother liked books, but he never knew he preferred them over toys. Was that why Sasuke was able to keep Itachi's toys? Because the older boy didn't like them much?

      ❛  Books are nice, too,  ❜ Sasuke said, still pulling out tiny ninja soldiers from his toy chest, his small fingers so careful as he handled them. ❛  —even the ones with more words than pictures, but my eyes hurt when I try to read them for too long, which isn't nice.  ❜ Sasuke huffed, annoyed by that particular fact. He was still learning to read, and Mom said he was doing amazing. But Sasuke wanted to read so well that he would be able to read all those books with no pictures at all!

      Starless-night eyes moved to the pile of trading cards his brother pointed at. Sasuke had fun with those. ❛  Play with friends...? I don't really have friends, nii-san,  ❜ Sasuke spoke as if it were obvious, a sassy little tone in his voice hinting at his opinion. He rather disliked socializing with other children, finding them noisy and annoying—the boys were stupid, the girls were loud and bothersome. ❛  I'm trying to finish the collection, because Mom promised me she'd get me one of the greatest shinobi that ever lived! And I want that one so bad!  ❜

      Sasuke went back to his little soldiers, picking one up and trying to show it to Itachi with all the fine motor skills a young child such as himself possesses—which is virtually none. He practically shoved the toy in his brother's face. ❛  See, they have red eyes! Like Dad and you! Does Mom have red eyes too? I think so; all Uchiha have them, and Mom is an Uchiha, too. I want to get my red eyes soon...  ❜

[kiigan]

ㅤ«Then I shall continue to believe that my wonderful baby is, indeed, that wonderful. Always. No matter what jutsu he is or isn't capable of mastering, because that is not what defines his worth.»

ㅤTo think that Itachi had ever been so adamant about the stupidity that was to rank people within a clan, or even society as a whole, based on whether or not they lived up to standards that were no more than social constructs — only for his son to have to be so upset by it, now. It made him want to go and declare the whole clan extinct sometimes, no more traditions and rituals, no more 'us' and 'them'. Why was it so difficult for human beings to get along with human beings?

Still, that wasn't the point there. No need to waste energy on it.

ㅤKeeping his son in his embrace for a moment longer, he eventually pulled away but not without pressing a final kiss to Homura's forehead. «I promise I am feeling perfectly fine. But you can keep an eye on me if you want, and if you find any sign that says otherwise — I give you permission to immediately drag me back home. Deal?» It wasn't a lie, his body did feel like it was having one of the good days. But the semi-serious, semi-humorous suggestion fell easily from Itachi's lips, as he began once more leading the way down the street and toward his childhood home.

ㅤRegardless… might be better if they didn't go in just yet? See how their training together would go and then, if Homura was feeling less on edge, check to see if Mikoto was available for some more hugs and snuggles — sounded like a decent plan. Casually, then, he turned towards the road that led directly to the training grounds, passing by the outskirts of the compound rather than the center. And lo and behold, as they walked around the corner: an ice cream cart! A sign from the heavens that, indeed, his plan was a solid one! Taking Homura by the hand, he half-ran in enthusiasm towards it.

«We deserve a treat before getting started!»

[shinnogi]

      At his father's words, Homura laughed. He had heard his other father complaining about Itachi's stubbornness and had never really understood it. Perhaps now, he would give his father's words some credit. Though Homura thought it was a good type of stubbornness—the one born of love, of unconditional love. Homura would always be thankful that he was so loved by his fathers and his brother. He may think himself unworthy, but he was still very much glad that they seemed to think him worthy of their love.

      ❛  Father is right; you are very stubborn, Dad...  ❜ Homura mumbled, a small smile melting away the previous anxiety. He nodded, taking the deal his father playfully offered, but knowing that if his father was indeed bluffing, Homura would be able to see it—his starlight eyes would soon be activated, and he would be able to see everything. And Homura, despite being soft and agreeable, was not opposed to using his father's words against him as he dragged the man back home to rest. ❛  Deal.  ❜

      Homura walked alongside his father, less jittery and anxious than he had been before. That was the magic of his father. Ever since Homura was a toddler, Itachi could soothe his every worry with hugs, kisses, and well-articulated words. Homura's worries had been far more childish back then, but still as anxiety-inducing as his worries as an adult. Nevertheless, his father could crush them all with his undying love.

      The older twin nearly jumped out of his skin when his father took his hand and started to run, only to realize a moment later that the man was rushing to get to the ice cream cart parked at the training ground they'd be using. ❛  A treat before training, Dad?  ❜ he laughed, a little breathless from the scare.

      ❛  Father would disapprove.  ❜ Homura chuckled, knowing his other father was just as loving, but a lot more strict with them all—especially Homura.

[milkmemes]

STAGES OF A RELATIONSHIP

Prompts for stages of a relationship. Feel free to change any pronouns as needed and adjust however necessary. Some may be usfw.

ACQUAINTANCES

❛ I swear I’ve seen you before, probably in a dream, or a mugshot. ❜

❛ Is this the part where we shake hands or just nod awkwardly? ❜

❛ You’re not as scary as people said. Yet. ❜

❛ We’ve met before, right? ❜

❛ I will forget your name in five minutes but I will never forget your aura. ❜

❛ Sorry, I don’t think I caught your name last time. ❜

❛ You seem familiar. Do I know you from somewhere? ❜

❛ Sorry, I’m terrible with names. I’ll probably call you “Hey you” forever. ❜

❛ So are we strangers, or is this the part where we overshare? ❜

❛ If we end up on a group project together, I’m not doing the PowerPoint. ❜

❛ So… what do you do? ❜

❛ I’ve heard about you, but this is our first time talking. ❜

❛ I don’t know much about you, honestly. ❜

❛ Wow, you talk. I thought you were just a background extra. ❜

❛ How do you already look like you’re over this conversation? ❜

❛ Don’t take this the wrong way, but I can’t tell if we’d get along or kill each other. ❜

❛ It’s weird finally putting a face to the name. ❜

❛ If you had to pick one Pokémon that describes your vibe, which one is it? ❜

❛ Do you come here often? ❜

❛ Oh cool, another NPC come to give me a side quest. ❜

❛ You look like you have main character energy but, like, season one when everything’s still a mess. ❜

❛ Small world, huh? ❜

❛ Sorry if I seem awkward, I’m not great with strangers. ❜

❛ You look like you know what you’re doing. ❜

❛ Wait, is this the start of a rom-com or a crime documentary? ❜

❛ You seem like someone who knows where the snacks are. ❜

❛ I have no idea who you are but I respect your vibe. ❜

❛ Are you new around here? ❜

❛ It’s nice to finally meet in person. ❜

❛ We don’t really know each other yet, but… I think we could get along. ❜

❛ Well, that was an interesting first impression. ❜

❛ Do you mind if I sit here? ❜

❛ I feel like I should know more about you than I do. ❜

❛ So… do we pretend we don’t know each other, or do we pretend we do? ❜

❛ Wait, are you the person I thought was a coat rack last week? ❜

❛ Oh, you’re taller than I imagined in my head. ❜

❛ You don’t look like a serial killer. That’s a good start. ❜

[SPILL] – Sender bumps into receiver and spills their coffee.

[WRONG NAME] – Sender accidentally calls receiver by the wrong name and freezes.

[DROP] – Sender drops something right at receiver’s feet and stumbles trying to pick it up.

[BRUSHED OFF] – Sender flinches when receiver brushes past without noticing.

[HESITANT] – Sender hesitates before offering a hand to help receiver up.

FRIENDS

❛ Congratulations, you’ve officially made my list of “people I tolerate.” ❜

❛ If we get arrested, I’m blaming you. ❜

❛ I like hanging out with you. ❜

❛ You always make the day a little better. ❜

❛ That was fun, we should do it again sometime. ❜

❛ Want to grab something to eat? My treat. ❜

❛ You’re so easy to talk to. ❜

❛ Honestly, I didn’t expect us to get along this well. ❜

❛ Why do we always end up in weird situations together? ❜

❛ If we had a sitcom, it’d be canceled after one episode. ❜

❛ I don’t know if we’re friends or just two people who roast each other a lot. ❜

❛ You make me laugh so much it’s suspicious. ❜

❛ I can’t believe we just spent three hours talking about nothing. ❜

❛ It’s been a while! I missed this. ❜

❛ You always know how to cheer me up. ❜

❛ Why do you always know what I’m thinking? ❜

❛ Let’s do something spontaneous. ❜

❛ Don’t worry, I already told everyone we’re a package deal. ❜

❛ You know I’d never let anyone else see me like this, right? ❜

❛ Okay, but if we’re friends, I get the cool nickname rights. ❜

❛ I trust you, you know? ❜

❛ You’re a good friend. ❜

❛ Thanks for always being there. ❜

❛ I don’t laugh like this with anyone else. ❜

❛ I feel like I can be myself with you. ❜

❛ You’re stuck with me now. ❜

❛ You know I only text you because I’m bored, right? ❜

❛ Okay, let’s go make some bad decisions together. ❜

❛ Wow you're a disaster. You're lucky you’re my favorite disaster. ❜

❛ I’d fight a raccoon for you. Not a bear. But a raccoon. ❜

❛ I volunteer us to be the comedic relief in someone else’s tragic backstory. ❜

❛ You’re my favorite clown, and I mean that with love. ❜

❛ We’re not a duo. We’re a legally recognized natural disaster. ❜

❛ Stop making me laugh in serious situations. People think I’m unstable. ❜

[PHOTO BOMB] – Sender leaps into receiver’s selfie at the last second.

[MESSY HUG] – Sender hugs receiver but picks them up and spins them around

[ANNOYING SONG] – Sender sings obnoxiously loud right in receiver’s ear.

[CARE PACKAGE] – Sender leaves something on receiver’s desk/doorstep without a note.

[LINGERING GOODBYE] – Sender takes a little too long to say goodbye.

[SHUTTER] – Sender snaps a candid photo of receiver and laughs when caught.

BEST FRIENDS

❛ If we’re not buried next to each other, I’ll haunt whoever planned it. ❜

❛ I know where all your skeletons are buried. Literally. ❜

❛ You’re basically my emotional support human. ❜

❛ We’d 100% survive a horror movie because we’d be too weird for the monster. ❜

❛ You’re the first person I want to tell everything to. ❜

❛ I don’t know what I’d do without you. ❜

❛ We’ve been through so much together. ❜

❛ You know me better than anyone else. ❜

❛ You’re like family to me. ❜

❛ I feel safe when you’re around. ❜

❛ Is this a best friend thing, or a soulmates-who-didn’t-read-the-instructions thing? ❜

❛ If we ever get matching tattoos, it’s going to be a slice of pizza. ❜

❛ You know you’ve ruined me for all other friendships, right? ❜

❛ People think we’re weird. I think they’re right. ❜

❛ Sometimes I think you understand me more than I do myself. ❜

❛ Are we just best friends, or something more? ❜

❛ You’re my favorite person. ❜

❛ If someone annoys you, I’ll just stand behind you and glare. ❜

❛ You’re the peanut butter to my extremely allergic jelly. ❜

❛ If I ever die, you’re responsible for deleting my search history. ❜

❛ No matter what happens, you’re my constant. ❜

❛ I don’t have to pretend with you. ❜

❛ People ask if we’re dating. No, babe, we’re feral. There’s a difference. ❜

❛ You’re always the one I run to. ❜

❛ If we get married to other people, they’re just going to have to deal with me third-wheeling forever. ❜

❛ You know we share a brain cell, right? ❜

❛ Best friends? Nah, we’re a cult of two. ❜

❛ I like you more than food. That’s serious. ❜

❛ I’ve never been closer to anyone than I am to you. ❜

❛ What would I even be without you? ❜

❛ Do you think we’re too close for just friends? ❜

❛ If anyone ever hurts you, I’ll destroy them. Emotionally. And maybe financially. ❜

❛ It’s not codependency, it’s… okay, it’s codependency. ❜

❛ Are we best friends, or just two idiots who won’t let go? ❜

❛ You’re the only one who can handle my brand of weird without calling the cops. ❜

❛ Bestie, we need to schedule a joint feral episode. ❜

[PHONE] – Sender steals receiver’s phone and starts taking cursed selfies on it.

[BONK] – Sender lightly knocks their head against receiver’s shoulder as a form of greeting.

[SQUISH] – Sender grabs receiver’s cheeks and squishes them together mid-sentence.

[HAND CUFF] – Sender grabs receiver’s hand in a moment of fear and doesn’t release.

[STAYING UP] – Sender stays up all night talking with receiver.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

❛ This is so casual I might wear socks next time. ❜

❛ We said no strings, right? ❜

❛ This is just for fun… unless you want it to be more? ❜

❛ If you start making heart eyes, I’m leaving. ❜

❛ We should have an official FWB handbook. Step one: snacks. ❜

❛ Don’t look at me like that. It complicates things. ❜

❛ So… are we still just friends? ❜

❛ I can’t tell if we’re ruining this or making it better. ❜

❛ Should we come up with a safe word, or just wing it? ❜

❛ You know, for something casual, this is alarmingly fun. ❜

❛ I’m starting to suspect this friendship isn’t very platonic. ❜

❛ No one has to know. ❜

❛ Is this Netflix and chill or like, chaotic energy and mild regret? ❜

❛ That was supposed to be a one-time thing. ❜

❛ You know this changes everything, right? ❜

❛ If anyone finds out, we’re both dead. ❜

❛ Are we gonna debrief this like a business meeting? ❜

❛ Tell me you’re not catching feelings. ❜

❛ You’re addictive, you know that? ❜

❛ Is it weird to fist-bump after? Asking for a friend. ❜

❛ This is dangerous. We can’t keep doing this. ❜

❛ So, uh, you wanna get brunch after? Totally normal brunch. ❜

❛ You’re making this harder than it has to be. ❜

❛ Is this casual? It doesn’t feel casual. ❜

❛ Let’s just pretend this didn’t happen. ❜

❛ You said we wouldn’t cross that line… and then we did. ❜

❛ I think we crossed into something we can’t undo. ❜

[TOUCH] – Sender trails fingers along receiver’s arm absentmindedly.

[KABEDON] – Sender playfully pins receiver to the wall and whispers something in their ear.

[CLOSER] – Sender pulls receiver closer by the waistband.

[LINGERING STARE] – Sender watches receiver a little too long before looking away.

[PHOTO] - Sender sends Receiver a nude.

[QUIET] – Sender dresses quietly, trying not to wake receiver.

LOVERS

❛ You feel like home. ❜

❛ I can’t stop thinking about you. ❜

❛ When I look at you, everything else just fades away. ❜

❛ I’m only with you for your snacks. ❜

❛ I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. ❜

❛ You’re so cute it makes me want to fight God. ❜

❛ I want you, only you. ❜

❛ I’m falling for you. ❜

❛ You make everything better just by existing. ❜

❛ Do you want the last bite? Just kidding, I already ate it. ❜

❛ You make me want to be a better person. Or at least a funnier one. ❜

❛ Being with you makes the world softer. ❜

❛ You have no idea how much I love you. ❜

❛ When I said “I want to hold you,” I didn’t mean like a hostage. ❜

❛ I don’t ever want to lose you. ❜

❛ It scares me how much you mean to me. ❜

❛ I want forever with you. ❜

❛ You’re the best part of my life. ❜

❛ You’re mine. ❜

❛ I’m yours. Always. ❜

❛ I love the way you look at me. ❜

❛ Kiss me again. ❜

❛ You’re lucky you’re hot because wow, you’re annoying. ❜

❛ Our love language is memes and existential dread. ❜

❛ My kink is you existing in my general vicinity. ❜

❛ I’d die for you but I’d also dramatically complain about it first. ❜

❛ You’re my entire personality now. ❜

[AMBUSH] – Sender grabs receiver by the collar and kisses them out of nowhere.

[JACKET] – Sender throws their jacket over receiver’s shoulders without asking.

[BOOP] – Sender boops receiver on the nose and looks smug about it.

[LAP] – Sender rests their head in receiver’s lap without warning.

[RAIN SHIELD] – Sender covers receiver’s head with their jacket when it starts raining.

[PLEASE] – Sender grabs receiver’s hand desperately to stop them from walking away.

[CHEF BOYARDEE] – Sender tries (and fails) to cook something for receiver

[HOME CHEF] – Sender successfully cooks something for receiver

[HAND KISS] – Sender lifts receiver’s hand and presses a soft kiss to their knuckles.

[BED HEAD] – Sender combs their fingers through receiver’s hair gently.

SPOUSES

❛ Our marriage is just us arguing about takeout and Netflix, huh? ❜

❛ You still snore like a chainsaw, by the way. ❜

❛ It’s us against the world, always. ❜

❛ I can’t believe how lucky I got with you. ❜

❛ You know me better than anyone else ever could. ❜

❛ You’re my partner in everything. ❜

❛ We built a life together. ❜

❛ This ring means I legally get to annoy you forever. ❜

❛ If we ever get a divorce, I’m keeping all your hoodies. ❜

❛ After all these years, I still choose you. ❜

❛ Thank you for loving me when I didn’t deserve it. ❜

❛ You’re my Roman Empire. ❜

❛ You’re my favorite pain in the ass. And I mean that lovingly. Mostly. ❜

❛ We’ve been together so long that I can communicate with you entirely via sighs. ❜

❛ I like waking up next to you every day. ❜

❛ Marriage isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it with you. ❜

❛ This relationship has turned into an endless “who’s funnier” competition and I’m winning. ❜

❛ I wouldn’t trade this for anything. ❜

❛ We’ve been married so long, our arguments have seasons. ❜

❛ I fell in love with you because you were weird. I stayed because now we’re weird together. ❜

❛ You’re my home. Always have been. ❜

❛ Grow old with me. ❜

❛ We’ve been through hell and back, but we’re still standing. ❜

❛ You make even ordinary days feel special. ❜

❛ This ring means everything to me. ❜

❛ Let’s never stop choosing each other. ❜

❛ I still get butterflies, even now. ❜

❛ I’d marry you all over again. But maybe with better catering. ❜

❛ We’ve merged into one person who just yells at Alexa. ❜

[ICICLE FEET] – Sender sticks cold feet under receiver’s legs with an evil grin.

[SPIDER SACRIFICE] – Sender points silently at a spider and hides behind receiver.

[KITCHEN SLOW DANCE] – Sender grabs receiver’s hands and starts a slow dance

[TREMBLE] – Sender ties receiver’s tie or scarf with trembling hands.

[STOLEN SIP] – Sender takes a sip of receiver’s drink without asking and walks away.

[BACK HUG] – Sender hugs receiver from behind after a tense situation.

[INTERRUPT] – Sender kisses receiver mid-sentence to shut them up.

[GROCERY] – Sender tries to carry all the groceries at once and dramatically fails.

[SOCK SLIDE] – Sender runs and slides across the floor in socks, nearly colliding with receiver.

[HERO] – Sender shows up with receiver’s favorite food

[FRY HEIST] – Sender steals a fry off receiver’s plate, makes direct eye contact, and eats it very slowly.

ENEMIES

❛ Oh great, it’s you again. ❜

❛ Did you practice being this annoying or were you just born with it? ❜

❛ If eye rolls could kill, you’d be dead already. ❜

❛ I hate how much space you take up in my head. ❜

❛ You really think I’d forgive you for that? ❜

❛ You’re the last person I wanted to see today. ❜

❛ Stay out of my way. ❜

❛ You don’t scare me. ❜

❛ I don’t trust you. I never will. ❜

❛ We’re not allies. We’re not friends. We’re nothing. ❜

❛ You think you’re better than me? ❜

❛ I won’t forget what you did. ❜

❛ I’d say you’re the worst, but that feels like a compliment. ❜

❛ Why do you exist? Genuinely curious. ❜

❛ I’d rather hug a cactus than be civil to you. ❜

❛ If you vanished, I’d throw a party. ❜

❛ Please, keep talking. Your nonsense fuels me. ❜

❛ You ruined everything. ❜

❛ Why do you always have to be here? ❜

❛ I’d rather be anywhere but near you. ❜

❛ You have the personality of a wet sock. ❜

❛ Get out of my way before I make you. ❜

❛ You have no idea how much I hate you. ❜

❛ You can try, but you’ll never beat me. ❜

❛ You’re nothing to me. ❜

❛ Do you ever get tired of being a pain in my ass? ❜

❛ Why are you everywhere? Go be annoying somewhere else. ❜

❛ Wow, you’re still alive. Disappointing. ❜

❛ If you talk, I’m leaving. ❜

[SHOULDER CHECK] – Sender intentionally bumps into receiver’s shoulder hard.

[MIMIC] – Sender imitates every movement receiver makes until they snap.

[PAPER BALL] – Sender throws a crumpled paper ball at receiver from across the room.

[HAND HOVER] – Sender almost reaches to wipe blood off receiver’s face but stops.

[UNWANTED CARE] – Sender bandages receiver’s wound, avoiding eye contact.

[CHAIR STEAL] – Sender steals the seat receiver was just about to sit in.

[shinnogi]

I lowkey think modern verse Kimimaro cannot watch his own movies and content, he gets so embarrassed