what In tarnation

yeehaw

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[30-minute-memes]

Someone, send help.

[wellbutrinboy]

god grant me the serenity to do it to em

[wellbutrinboy]

and the courage to accept that i had to

[wizardrights]

power move: make a d&d character with the same name as your dm

[xxxdragonfucker69xxx]

#but with ‘cool’ in front of it

[what-even-is-thiss]

Yeah this is my character Cool José. He’s like normal José except he didn’t fail his driving test three Times.

[lovelyirony]

my mom has finally understood the concept of how to use “tea” as slang, but only kind of. she came into my room and said “jessie, i have tea today” and i was obviously like what happened but as it turns out she just thinks tea means information so she told me that she got avocadoes on sale. that was the tea. 

[inallofpeculiardom]

Damn RIGHT that’s the tea

[hyperionangel]

if i got to ask a genie for a wish i wouldn’t just ask for money i would specifically ask for all of jeff bezos’ money and then use all his money to do all the things people keep saying jeff bezos could do with his money

[hyperionangel]

pros of this plan:

the genie won’t be conjuring up large sums of money for me, thus inflating the economy by flooding it and lowering the value of the dollar

i could make it part of the deal that the money is transferred to me legally, so it doesn’t just look like i suspiciously came into a lot of money

i looked up the amount it’s $135 billion like yeah that would look suspicious if i just took that money from jeff bezos

contrary to popular opinion i would leave jeff bezos with enough money to support himself and his family, perhaps even thrive, such as $100 000 a year. that way capitalists won’t make him into a martyr and he has nothing to complain about

i distribute a lot of the wealth instinctively to charities that make a difference globally, because Fuck national borders

i leave $100 tips at every restaurant i go to

i will not spend the money on ridiculous things like extra houses or yachts or sports cars because i am a reasonable human being who understands that literally none of that matters

i’ll use my second genie wish to make sure amazon hires a new ceo that is charitable and generous and also believes in human rights

and then i’ll use my third wish to free the genie. i’ve seen aladdin duh

cons of this plan:

i do not know any genies

[leonkennedy]

I think this is important so I’m gonna share it here as well

[belladxne]

and for my birthday, i give all of You a gift: the third installment of Wild Nonsense Mary Spouts On Twitter

[acidmatze]

I made a thing to celebrate

[bnha-incorrect]

iida: are you getting enough sleep?

shinsou: sometimes when i sneeze my eyes close

[bnha-incorrect]

death, at the door: i have come to collect your soul

deku: wait let me ask all might

death: it ain't a choic-

deku: he said not today

death: damn

[bnha-incorrect]

dabi: i'm crying

dabi: you made me cry

shigaraki: baby

dabi: now is not the time for pet names

shigaraki:

shigaraki: i'm calling you a baby

shigaraki: i'm insulting you

[bnha-incorrect]

todoroki: [at a restaurant] can you guys get a table? i need to park the car

midoriya: okay

[3 minutes later]

kirishima, carrying a table, sprinting out of the restaurant: START THE CAR

[bnha-incorrect]

sero: personally, i don't believe in bros before hoes. or hoes before bros. there needs to be a balance. a homie-hoe-stasis, if you will

[bnha-incorrect]

midoriya: i can't find my phone

all might: no worries, i'll call it for you

phone, ringing from the couch cushions: you are my dad (you're my dad! boogie woogie woogie!)

midoriya:

all might:

all might: [happy tears]

[bnha-incorrect]

deku: tall people, if we are walking together please take into consideration my tiny legs. i can't keep up with you. please think of my tiny legs, i don't want to be jogging to keep up with your leisurely stroll, you TITANS

iida: just get a pair of roller skates and hang onto my sleeve, we don't have all day

[bnha-incorrect]

satan: hey, i bought your soul last month and-

shigaraki: no returns

satan: please it's making me sad