Reasons why this is the worst Fourth of July ever
It’s definitely not “depression”, but...
I’ve been getting routinely upset lately...it’s the crippling kind of upset where you can’t move because everything seems pointless and you seem, no, you *are* worthless. I don’t know if I have the right to be. I have a great life filled with comforts, a loving family, a perfect boyfriend, and a gorgeous apartment. But I think at this point, it’s not rational anymore. If I could’ve logic’d my way out of it, I already would have. It’s not a switch that I flicker at my will. The more I wallow in this hole of self-pity and misery, the harder it is to see daylight.
So I love the fourth, right? I fucking love today. The smell of propane and tofu on the grill and pretty lights in the sky and the sense of national pride and patriotism. But today has been the least festive, saddest fourth of July ever. And it’s all because of me.
As I watch the fireworks from my room, I think about the throngs of amazed spectators huddling for warmth underneath them, “ooh-ing” and “ah-ing” at the sight of a new contortion of sparklers or a glittering golden waterfall. And then it hits me again.
1. The realization that I have no friends
“But wait!” you say. Surely it’s not just your fault, because:
1. It’s summer, so there’s nobody here
(nice try, there are still tons of people. I’ve run into many awkward acquaintances, so the opportunity is still there)
2. It takes time to make friends
(but I’ve been here over a semester and I haven’t even made a casual friend)
Plus, all my previous friends from high school have made not just friends, but *best* friends. I’m certain that nobody feels even close to how I feel.
People wonder how and why I study so much. It’s because it’s literally my escape. The truth is I’m no smarter than the average person. Concentrating on something else is like the only way I get by sometimes.
There’s not a single person I can hit up in the area and hang out with without it being weird. And in a school of 37,000, the fact that even one person hasn’t found me worthy enough to befriend tells me that there really is something wrong with me.
Look, there’s a finale happening somewhere in Oakland.
baratheonpilled
blakekathryn
pixelskylines
tangentwithtanner
jacobvanloon
origamiaround
dailybridgerton
