imagining an au where shen qingqiu (yuan) sacrifices himself to save binghe by throwing himself into the abyss to avoid pushing him, but he just straight up dies (maybe the peak lords can tell when one among them dies or something idk but point is he isn't wandering around the abyss he is d. e. d. dead)
at the point in the story around the immortal alliance conference, binghe is sqq's head disciple, so he would probably become acting qing jing peak lord in sqq's absence. however, the peak lords are all promoted and ascend together, without replacement if one dies, so binghe would never actually become a peak lord by name until the next generation took their roles
cut to teenage binghe, still growing and gangly, sitting in his dead master's old chair during a peak lord meeting, viewed by all the others as a subpar stand in, a fledgling cultivator still wet behind the ears. at the same time, binghe is mourning his shizun, his love, and yet he must replace him
it pains him to use his shizun's things because his master no longer has hands with which to hold them, speak on behalf of his shizun because the man no longer has a mouth with which to share his thoughts, train his shizun's disciples because shen qingqiu is gone but the peak needs its lord
binghe is trying desperately to hide his demonic heritage given his recently broken seal, but his emotions flare everytime his sees a remnant of shizun (a comb with a loose strand of hair, an unfinished book with dogeared pages, a cup of cold tea left out when they'd rushed to leave in time for the conference, much to binghe's chagrin). heightened emotions = heightened demonic trait presence, and it's fucking with binghe's head SEVERELY. he cannot eat, sleep, think, dream without replaying his shizun's last moments over and over again and then having to struggle to cover up his zuyin before the sect leader shows up unannounced at the bamboo house as he tends to do (binghe feels an odd kinship with the man as he stares longingly at shen qingqiu's things, but he mostly feels protective, knowing his shizun wouldn't want his things disturbed)
at the same time he's suddenly in a position of power over his old tormentors, and torn between wanting to enact his just retribution and wanting to honor his shizun's efforts to build camaraderie and peace among the peak disciples. still, he takes some perverse satisfaction from making ming fan do his bidding
anyway, the years go by and luo binghe is so totally Fine (not), has adjusted to his duties and so forth and become a commanding presence and respected cultivator across the jianghu in his own right. but the aching pain of losing his shizun remains an ever present, raw, oozing wound, and people are starting to notice. he goes from a wide-eyed kid with boots too big to fill, to a behemoth of a man with cultivation that rivals even the sect leader and a presence that sends shivers down the spines of other sects (for one reason or another...). he develops a hair trigger temper, quicker to anger and disgust than anything else, and slow to forgive or forget. the other peak lords yearn for the gentle sqq (and some even feel the mean one from years and years before would be less volatile and unruly). sympathy over a lost master only goes so far, after all, and binghe is running through it quick (he can't believe his shizun managed these idiotic peak lords with such grace, and begins to understand why the man used to be so cold toward them). he knows shizun would want him to be better, that shizun gave his life for binghe for a reason, but it gets harder to remember that everyday that goes by where his memory of his shizun's face grows ever blurry, ever distant, and his dream abilities are less and less able to accurately replicate those lazy days spent serving his loving master in the bamboo house
one day, he goes as far as stringing a disciple up in the woodshed and brandishing the discipline whip with the intent to strike before he comes to his senses
so he asks the sect leader for permission to enter seclusion, under the guise of settling his mind
yue qingyuan, who was pained everyday to see someone sitting in his shidi's, his xiao-jiu's rightful place, grants the request with no questions asked
binghe pretends to enter the ling xi caves, says a farewell to the other peak lords (who are not as discrete in their relief as they think they are), but in reality he travels to the demon realm to find a way into the abyss. he'll either die and end his own suffering, or he'll find whatever remnants of his shizun remain, splattered across the bottom of that accursed place, and bring them home
of course, he soon comes across xin mo, and the sword tells him exactly how to get his shizun back...
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turnnoffyourmind
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