݁₊⊹݁✯ ݁josie

a friendship is a sacred floater, a kemo-thera-sabe-putic bond twixt two 'n's, like cookies 'n' beans, franks 'n' cream, friends. i've never supped from the meat cup of having even on chum. but my crony-less-ness is aboot to die of loneliness-ness, for today is the day i make my first real friend.

[epicodraws]

tried to draw hl2vrai fanart but gave up and just drew benrey again

[tainbocuailnge]

the original got flagged with no way to appeal it when every contributor is deactivated but I will never let this post die. it's monday and we are getting on it cunts

[sentada]

lowkey i just killed all innocents

[plumbo-gummite]

notice how no one died

[shlutphuppy]

no but seriously imagine it

family guy series finale. it takes place about 5 years in the future. chris and meg have moved out. chris is working for the brewery and living in a studio apartment and meg is at a nice college.

stewie, brian, peter, and lois still live at home. brian is notably quite older but still has a little bit of juice left in him. stewie is in elementary school and is very smart and talented. peter is a drunk. quit his job, treats lois like shit. lois is miserable and spends her time in her room. sometimes she goes to stay with bonnie in her apartment (she divorced joe but left him the house and their son takes care of him).

one day stewie is more than annoyed with everything. school, home, and more specifically, with how “the fat man” treats his mother. so he and brian decide to look through lois’ diary to try to find things that made her happy. brian did it before in the episode where he thinks she’s having an affair.

they did it a day when peter was at the clam and lois was with bonnie. when stewie opens the diary it’s just a bunch of entries about a “cinnamon skinned target lady” that she regretted not saving. how she yearned for esperanza and her soft hands.

stewie and brian decide to go on one last adventure and go back in time to target to go save esperanza. they take stewie’s time machine to the target before lois gets there to shop. they go inside and slowly subdue all the employees, and break into the office. meanwhile, lois is shopping and doesn’t notice her son and dog running amok.

they reach the offices and find the lazer that kills esperanza. they kill the boss man (the one thag tells esperanza to get back to work) and disable the lazer completely by breaking it into pieces. when they check the cameras they see lois checking out and esperanza pulling the change from her hand.

“we could go to montana”

“i want to…but i can’t”

lois sadly walks out to her car and esperanza runs after her. stewie and brian watch with joy as esperanza successfully gets into the car and they drive off.

they take the helepad back to the current time and end up at lois and esperanza’s montana estate. they live in a lovely cabin on multiple acres of land. brian is also a lot more spry and healthier because of a change in his diet. stewie is going to a prestigeous boarding school for smart kids and he loves it. meg and chris are both at ivy leagues. peter is dead. cleveland and donna still send christmas cards. and everyone is happy. (except for quagmire)

[shlutphuppy]

i saw chappell roan write aceggot on a coffee cup

[estrogirlie]

cis coworker: hey can i ask you something personal

[shlutphuppy]

[paper-mario-wiki]

K.K. Dancing

[pukicho]

god you're such an arrogant pompous fucking douchebag. i could draw a better fish than you in five seconds and someone tried to compliment you and you just act like you're the greatest thing to ever grace the earth. It's not even that fucking good dude why do you have such a superior fucking attitude you've done NOTHING to earn it.

[estrogirlie]

cis coworker: hey can i ask you something personal

[mrkanman]

[drawnsnake]

Instead of cursing her to an eternal sleep or death, Maleficent declares that the princess will grow up to betray the kingdom and serve her instead. So the king sends Aurora away, but one day the young adventurous girl strays a bit too far and right into her territory.

And of course Maleficent is like "hey kid do you wanna learn some totally normal magic that is not dark or evil at all"

[pukicho]

How do I flirt. Time sensitive.

You could destroy Netanyahu. This would make for a positive first impression.

[shlutphuppy]

fanfiction where ilya is retired and he and shane (who is still playing) are having marriage problems and shane recruits the love guru to fix it

[shlutphuppy]

its being written

[antlerpunk]

I WISH I WAS A LITTLE BIT BALDER

I WISH I WAS A WALTER

I WISH I HAD A LAWYER NAMED SAUL BETTER CALLER

[shlutphuppy]

fanfiction where ilya is retired and he and shane (who is still playing) are having marriage problems and shane recruits the love guru to fix it

[shlutphuppy]

can we get nsfwtumblr back as a treat its been a rough couple of years

[shlutphuppy]

remember when damon albarn beefed with taylor swift for no fucking reason