friendly neighborhood arsonist

There is a certain beauty in setting the world on fire and watching from the centre of the flames. [ independent oc roleplay blog ]

[asteritm]

No I didn’t and you can’t prove it.  

[shortforflamethrower-blog]

Are you suuuure about that, Lilly Bobilly.

[somekindofsexthing-archive-deac]

…

I…

Have no comment whatsoever. 

[shortforflamethrower-blog]

What a shitty comment to even think about not making, asshole!

Here I am, offerin' my free candy to a perrrrrrrfectly undeserving stranger, and you don't even tell me whether you like chocolate with nuts or not! The fuckin' nerve, jeeeeez!

[shortforflamethrower-blog]

darkestunderland started following you

Hey, dude.

Got any drugs.

[It's a conspiratorial whisper on the Burns scale, which is to say--holy shit, kid, quiet the fuck down.]

[asteritm]

Burns.

Burns. You started it.

[shortforflamethrower-blog]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, yeah RIGHT! I saw you makin' eyes at me from across the room. Lilly Bobilly, but I just had to be a man and make the first move.

[bowtied]

Oh! You like it?

Well, being me is no fun at all — it comes highly unrecommended — but I have got a spare bow tie in my pocket.

[shortforflamethrower-blog]

Tooooootally, Brosideon!

I'll pay you, like, sixty-fifty-three pounds of Halloween goods for that little guy, man, not even a joke.

[skeleflynn-archive]

Uh — no. Not really.

[shortforflamethrower-blog]

Hey--hey! Don't lookit me like that, Mister Tightass, 'coz even if you don't believe in crazy big fires I can still light your pants on fire!

[Burns. Burns, I know it's funny to watch people freak out over burning pants, but are these threats really necessary two seconds into a conversation?]

[shortforflamethrower-blog]

aegaeonpirate started following you

[Burns observes the man with an intensity that would be frightening, if he weren't barely five feet tall, or anything, stroking his chin with a kind of thoughtfulness he isn't known to be capable of.]

Could I grow a kickass goateee like that? I'm really seein' it, man, but you're the expert here, amIright?

[shortforflamethrower-blog]

skeleflynn started following you

Have you accepted crazy big fires as your Lord 'n Savior?

'Coz boy oh boy, I sure have!

[shortforflamethrower-blog]

boo-tied started following you

Let me beeeeeeee you, puh-lease

That bow tie is straight-up, flat-down, out of this world!

[dominovoid-deactivated20180205]

shortforflamethrower started following you

"Want a beer?" Yes, let’s become child endangerment this night.

[shortforflamethrower-blog]

--dude. Bro.

Would I ever.

[shortforflamethrower-blog]

somekindofsexthing started following you

Yoooooooou clearly have not had enough free candy, brothaman.

[psychekinesis]

Not much, Jesus Mary and Broseph!

Hoohoo! How on Neptune have you been doing, huh huh?? Awesome, right!

[shortforflamethrower-blog]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, toooooootally swaggy! Where'd you come up with that one?

Neptune is fan-taaaastic this time a' year, you should totes checkitout sometime! 

[verifiedslacker-deactivated2014]

     Well, hey there. [ Give him a calm approach, especially since he seemed to be a young kid! ] Where are your.. uh, parents?

[shortforflamethrower-blog]

[Do you know how incredible it would be to burn this place down? Like, really fucking incredible. It's almost like paper companies were invented purely for Burns's amusement, or something.]

IIIIII dunno, brothaman? Where're yours?

[shortforflamethrower-blog]

stimulantaddict & verifiedslacker joind the fan club

Yo, dogs. I did not do it, alright. Don't even think about listening to the coppers, or whatever the heckie you call those assholes, 'coz, between you and me, they are juuuuust a few bricks short of a whole house, you feel?

[He can't look this serious for so long, especially when there's half a pound of jellybeans bulging in his pockets. Grinning suddenly, Burns claps both of his hands together to gather their full attention.] Buuuuut, more impoooortantly! I've got, like, a shitload of candy, and as the prooooo-fessional illegitimate candy salesman that I am, I gotta ask: you fuckers want some?

[shortforflamethrower-blog]

earthboundries joined the fan club

Yooo, Ness! My brotha from anotha motha!

What is uuuuuuup, brothaman?

[notanothertimelady-archive-blog]

I missed you too! There has been a severe lack of mischievous little kids in my life, you know.

Seems like things haven’t changed much, then; but that’s alright, it’s good to stick to what you do best. And ah, of course I have cookies. They’re practically part of my arsenal now. [She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small baggie with an assortment of cookies inside.]

[shortforflamethrower-blog]

Knew it! That's, like, toooootally why I came back, pretty lady! 'Cuz my brain was like [His voice drops about a hundred octaves] Yo, Burns-Dawg, pretty lady might be gettin' pretty fuckin' bored without you around to wreck shit up, what're we gonna do 'bout that, huuuh?

YOOOOOO!! [He's cackling even as he grabs the bag out of her hands, mumbling 'thanks' somewhere in between the cackles and the ripping of plastic, and he just does not have it in him to respond to her properly until there are four chocolate chip cookies (in the wackiest shapes!) running through his system.

Dude! Dude! In-cred-ible! Oh man, ohhhh man, these are the shit, man, if things do go to hell or whatever or you, like, get a job bein' a craaaaazy busy lawyer, these cookies have gotta stay, a'ight? They are my lifeblood, pretty lady.

[notanothertimelady-archive-blog]

A year? Seems like longer, though that may just be at my end.

I’m doing very well, though! You’ll be glad to know I improved my cookie recipe. How about you? Not causing too much trouble, I hope.

[shortforflamethrower-blog]

Who reaaaally knows? Nobody, probably, but goddamn I missed you!

Trouble is exaaaaaactly what I'm causin', pretty lady, but what about those cookies, huh? You got any made?