I visited the 9/11 Memorial this week.
Note: Normally I feel really weird talking about my own feelings about any kind of tragedy, but the 9/11 Memorial is really that intense. I feel like I have to write this disclaimer to say that I do not feel that my feelings about something that had virtually no effect on me are in any way significant, but if you want to read about it, thatâs cool. Also, I highly recommend anyone who plans to visit New York to stop by it, and anyone who lives in New York to take a day and get their butts down to the World Trade Center because this is so important.
I was supposed to go to a Javascript meetup at the Flatiron School with Hindi (hindividual), but I was running late and she was crazy swamped at work, so I took my time. When I realized that the memorial was pretty much on the way, I decided to stop by.
I did not end up going to that meetup.
On September 11, 2011, I was in Los Angeles. I was 10 years old and in 5th grade. When I woke up at 6:30 AM for school as usual, I went to wake up my parents (as we kids usually did) and was shocked to find them already awake and watching TV. I asked them why they were already up. They told us that two planes were hijacked and flown straight into the World Trade Center towers in New York City.Â
I could barely comprehend what the hell was happening or how it could possibly happen. I had never really heard of these towers, but all day I saw pictures of them before and during, and felt the distance. Here were these towers Iâd never known existed in a city Iâd never visited but heard all about and now they were gone and all these people were killed because some evil, terrible people decided to take a couple of planes and kill a bunch of innocent civilians.Â
It was so painfully real. Everyone in Los Angeles was frozen to their televisions and on the phone with anyone they knew in New York City to offer their support. But it was so far away. It felt like another dimension where evil, cruel things could happen.
I remember standing next to my teacher on October 11th, 2001, in a hallway that was also a kind of gallery space for recent art projects. The projects hanging at the time were various studentsâ tributes to the victims of 9/11, some accompanied by personal essays recounting stories of relatives or friends across the country. âCan you believe itâs been a whole month?â my teacher said to me. I shook my head âno.â Even all the way out in Los Angeles, where we could not even remotely comprehend the full horror, it still affected us; it shook the whole nation.
When I looked into the South Pool at the 9/11 Memorial for the first time on Wednesday, I immediately felt weighted down by sadness and horror. Looking into those pools, slowly reading all the names... it was devastating.
After I had walked around the perimeter of both pools for quite some time, I sat down across from the North Pool and tried to comprehend everything. I kept looking up at the empty spaces where the buildings once stood and pictured the chaos of that September Tuesday 14 years earlier. I even opened my computer and journaled because I just needed to parse out my thoughts.
In a way, I feel like I did the day it happened. I was 10, in California, and scared. But it was far away, and all I could do was mourn and hope everyone was okay. And now Iâm here so it seems 100000% real, but it was 14 years ago. Far away in time. And all I can do is mourn and hope all the victimsâ loved ones are okay.
The memorial is these 2 big square pools, one where each of the towers stood. Theyâve got waterfalls going down the sides, which fall into a deep pool that drains into a smaller square. Itâs immediately evocative of tears; the center square immediately evocative of the emptiness the attack left behind. Each pool has a raised border around it with all the names of the victims who perished in the attack. Some parts are prefaced with the flight number, or the ladder or squadron number, or the building name. Itâs utterly heartbreaking and it portrays the utter chaos and sadness (understatement) that New York was filled with on that day and afterward.
The 9/11 spotlight is also up right now, since 9/11 is on Friday. Itâs all so powerful and intense and Iâm trying to put my feelings into words but Iâm struggling. ...
I took a picture of the spotlight juxtaposed with 1 WTC. Actually, I took like 10. I keep looking up at it. Itâs just so striking: the ânever forgetâ next to the âbut we rebuilt.â
It really is strange how time and distance essentially chalk up to similar emotions. But it is a testament to this memorial that it is able to invoke these feelings.Â
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