I am heartbroken but also relieved . The no-kill shelter has a spot that opened up for Stanley. I am full of shame and sadness and disappointment and also hope and relief . Stanley just hasnāt been a good fit for me, especially with all my work travel. I am never home because I work in the office 5 days a week and when Iām not at work, I am out riding my bike. Chloe has been a totally different dog, more cat like, she enjoys the quiet. Stanley on the other hand needs stimulation and activity and someone to be home more. And I also honestly just canāt afford the dog sitter , itās become such a huge expense and financial burden when I have at least 2 work trips a month, sometimes more during my busy season. I feel like Iām having to justify it because I feel like surrendering a dog is a moral failure and a reflection of a gaping character flaw within me. Even though Iām making a decision thatās best for me and ultimately is best for him, it still hurts and Iām still ashamed. I should have never gotten him when I first moved here. I underestimated everything: how hard it is living somewhere with no family or community support , how hard it is living alone, how much travel my job would end up requiring, and how much it would cost to pay for the dog sitter while Iām gone. Itās just all too much. I have been crying all day and I will be crying when I drop him off. I am so sad but also relieved which makes me feel even worse.
