â gone with the wind since â03.
â a dream weaver for j.s. park only
đ đđ¸âđźđďšđďšđďšđ â.Ë đźâ・đŚšÂ°âË・
â bon space, shoxxcc
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Game Changer & Make Some Noise

oozey mess
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Sweet Seals For You, Always

Kiana Khansmith
Mike Driver

izzy's playlists!
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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almost home
macklin celebrini has autism
Doug Jones
Interview Vampire Daily
KIROKAZE
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@shoxxcc
â gone with the wind since â03.
â a dream weaver for j.s. park only
đ đđ¸âđźđďšđďšđďšđ â.Ë đźâ・đŚšÂ°âË・
â bon space, shoxxcc
#shoxxcc
credits:
â dividers: @uzmacchiato
â photos: pinterest
9/9
pairing: non-idol!park jisung x fem!reader
g: fluff, angst
wc: 0.5k
content: filipino christmas tradition that anyone can read!
many believe that completing the nine-day mass will grant you a wish. a tradition that has long been passed down to filipino generations every christmas season was the simbang gabiâa nine-day series of dawn mass leading to christmas eve.
simbang gabi was something you were used to looking forward to. you anticipate the very mornings where you shiver, express your faith, clasp your hands together, have puto after every mass, and be thankful you're well and taken care of by someone special.
but little did you know, simbang gabi after breaking up with jisung would not feel the same anymore.
the mass always starts at three in the morning, but for you and jisung, you believed stars looked plenty and best whenever it hit four in the cold morning.
in the last two years that you were still together and spent with him to attend the simbang gabi every december, experiencing the 9/9 attendance wasn't achieved by both of you.
on your first year together and first day of the simbang gabi, you were incredibly burned unwell and jisung had to make sure someone had to look after youâhim. and no one else.
and on your second year together and the last day of the simbang gabi, both of you weren't able to attend because the night before, you've practically broken up with jisung.
a year now since you've parted ways, and you'd see jisung every morning attending the same mass in your hometown, although hearing from most that he had gone outside the country to continue his college. it's been a year, and you're happy to see him for nine whole days attending the last day of simbang gabi. you were happy for him because he was able to do so, but you felt sorry for him for not being able to complete this together.
you think it was nice that he was able to complete the nine-day mass. both of you did. and now you were just left with endless questions about what he would possibly be wishing for, after you've broken up.
one year. after one year, jisung looked completely different, but still had the same expressive eyes. it may look weird to others, but you couldn't help but steal glances at him once in a while.
it's cute how he fights the sleepiness to listen to the mass, and you remembered back then that you would squeeze his hand to keep him awake. it just happened that you couldn't do that anymore.
your obvious glances didn't go unnoticed by jisung, of course. he had seen you from the first day mass of this yearâsitting at the same spot that both of you would be seated at along with your mother years ago. he would arrive earlier just so he could look for a sight of you in your usual seat and his mood will eventually lighten from seeing you.
for nine whole days, he had seen you present for simbang gabi. and for nine whole days, jisung prayed for this day to come, and so he could wish to the stars what he was praying for the most.
he closed his eyes and felt them sting when his tears began pooling in them. âcan i have her back?â he secretly prayed and hoped for the best.
credits:
â dividers:
â photos:
the author: this was an old draft i found, probably in 2023. saw this around juneâkeeping it queued for christmas day.
 ŕ¨ŕ§   ââă ¤l'amour de ma vie - p.js main masterlist
warnings : none! pls lmk if i need to add any :) wc : 0.5k
after wasting so much time on multiple dating apps, failing to match with a single normal man, you felt like giving up on dating. your friends all had boyfriends, all of them seeming like they had walked out of a picture perfect fantasy. caring for your friends, treating them with respect, has manners, everything else that makes a man perfect. you felt so left behind, not seeing yourself ever actually falling in love with anyone like that.
until you met park jisung. many guys that look to be around your age come and go at the small corner cafĂŠ you work at. but none of them ever strike your interest. the first day jisung walked into the shop, you swear you forgot how to breathe. the small but awkward interaction stayed in your head for weeks. and of course there were regulars that came in weekly, but after that day jisung started visiting more frequently. each conversation at the register lasting a little longer, sometimes even making the customers behind him groan out of impatience. time stopped when you guys were in each other's presence.
you knew he was cute the first day he walked in, messy hair barely covering his eyes, tall frame towering over nearly everyone else in the shop. but you never wanted to get your hopes up. everytime the thought of being anything more than friends with jisung came through your head, you remembered all the failed dates you wasted your last paycheck on. you wanted to badly to get to experience what your friends had, but your prior experiences made you doubt your chances.
visits at the cafĂŠ turned into weekly hangouts at either of your apartments. monthly movie nights turning into weekly occasions, sometimes even daily occurences. you knew you liked him, and you couldn't ignore the way he looked at you like you were the only thing in the world. but you couldn't risk your chances, not at all.
you started telling your friends about him, how your hangouts would go, what things you like about him, and how he makes you feel. but all your friends gave you in return was negative feedback, "he doesn't sound like a real man," "you could find better," etc. you felt like they didn't understand you, but jisung always would. you didn't mind that he was shy and awkward, or that he liked the same things as you even if they were "girly". you liked him because he was just jisung, he was himself. he listened when you talked, even if he didn't fully understand. he didn't judge you for being weird, he'd be weird with you.
all the time you wasted on dating apps, you were looking for the "perfect boyfriend", when all you needed was jisung.
Šď¸rensaries
this is why ion date
ᥣđŠ soft kisses
jisung loves kissing you. not making out with you. simply having his lips on yours. when he kisses you before leaving to practice he lets his lips linger a little longer on yours, an awkward pause before he breaks away from the kiss and gives you a little smile as he says goodbye.
when youâre laying together on the couch watching a movie heâll turn to look at you and just give you a kiss. heâll hold your face softly as he presses his lips to yours one after the other, his smile growing bigger after each kiss, until you push him away, âji stop it i canât see the screenâ and heâll snuggle his face into your neck, movie long forgotten.
when youâve just woken up, face puffy and eyes still slightly closed looking up at him, groaning when he leans down to plant a kiss on your dry lips, âmmm ji baby i havenât brushed my teethâ and him not caring as he kisses you again humming as you try to squirm away, keeping you in place with his arms wrapped around your waist. warm sunlight peeking in through your curtains shining over your face, jisung knows thereâs nothing more beautiful than you at this moment. and he knows that thereâs no one luckier than him, being able to kiss you whenever he pleases.
me when (ay thatâs me pala)
perfect eyes
oneâs wordsâcareless and sharp, can carve permanent scars to someone so fragile and beautiful. oneâs words can create darkness one does not wish to bask in. oneâs words can push one to reside and grow familiar in a space where there is only a distortion of suffering. but oneâs words can also give someone the light they need; the light that will blind many, but will clear oneâs gnawing feeling hidden beneath a façade of healing.
pairing: non-idol!park jisung x gn!reader
g: slight angst (if you squint), fluff
wc: 0.9k
warnings: insecurity, mentions of bullying/teasing, knife, allusions to threats
now playing | ⍠: ever seen
âahh⌠they're still puffy...â jisung sadly huffed an air, referring to his eyes which you find adorable but he finds bothersome growing up. something small, yet is a big deal to others and to him as well.
after hours of reading from his new books last night, he couldnât help but sneak some ramen in the kitchen at 4:00 am. two packs to be exact and some manduâprobably a few, like three.
but waking up with puffy eyes, jisung regrets acting like a mad man who hasnât been fed for days.
sitting on a stool in the kitchen island, he watches you rummaging through drawers and picking up utensils you used to make the first meal of the day while getting annoyed at how loud the pressure cooker has gotten; blaming the appliance for being so loud for you to not hear him.
âbaby, do you know how i can get rid of these?â he calls for you, wanting some attention.
âwhat?â you questioned, still minding your business. but jisung didnât like you not paying attention to him. and for the time you waited for his answer, he remained unexpectedly silent instead. until heâs got you turning around to look at him who had a frown in his face, before asking again, âiâm sorry, baby. what do you want to get rid of?â
âdo my eyes look puffy?â he questions, almost vulnerably.
you examined his bare face; one that literally looked like he had just awoken, but nothing else was new nor did his eyes look puffy. âthey look alright. is that whatâs bothering you?â
jisung nodded timidly, âyou may or may not get mad, but i felt greedy last night...â he admitted how he sneaked out of the bed and with how much food he had consumed.
âiâm not mad at all. you can eat whatever you like, whenever. just in moderation though.â you turned around to continue what you were initially doing.
âi just,â he hesitated, but decided to say what has been bothering him since he woke up, ââŚi canât stop thinking about that one kid back then, saying my eyes look like soggy udon.â
and just as quickly you chopped the scallions and bell peppers, a remarkable 180° swift of your body and the loud piercing of the knife on the chopping board startled jisung. âexcuse me? whose kid said that?â
the moment jisung saw the look of annoyance and anger in your eyes and the knife you held close in your hand, he shakes his head in fear. âi-itâs nothing big, baby. it just randomly popped in my mind againâŚâ he looked down with his teeth sinking in his bottom lip, anxiously tapping the marbled surface.
you felt your heart being squeezed at the sight, as well as the grip on the knife that stabbed the wooden board. you think heâs probably regretting opening that topic up in the first placeâalways so careful and mindful with what he says. and you somehow felt bad knowing heâs not even the one at fault here.
eventually, you put the deadly weapon down, walking towards where he is. your hands instinctively reached to cup his face, like they belonged there.
âitâs something big if it affects you badly.â he only pursed a sad smile as you caressed his plump pillows. âyou don't look bad with your bags. they make you cute and make your eyes more pretty.â you assured him and you swore you saw a glint of hope flashing in his eyes. âand you have the prettiest small eyes iâve ever seen.â
his heart warmed at the compliments.
for years, jisung had carried the insecurity of having small, puffy eyes, with only a big dream of fitting and conforming to the standards mainly thrown by the society. what all began with a little joke gradually became constant teasing by some kids in his childhood.
but he had never really gotten to end the nightmare by escaping these restraints that held him growing up without repeatedly falling into the abyss of doubts and uncertainty.
for years, he lived close with all the familiar point-outs of his eyes; far from the foreign compliments that refuged him safely.
and now those same deep pools that drowned your own two years ago looked at you with pure fondness. this time, with brimming tears. wanting another assurance, sweet talks, some praises, another complimentâwanting more coming from you. not that he doesnât have any ounce of trust in your words, but jisungâs actually starting to think that heâs capable of breaking free from the years of restraints, now that he genuinely believes heâs lovable enough because you are there to tell him so.
âreally..?â he quietly whispered, âyou think my eyes are pretty?â and you nodded slowly.
âvery.â
and that's on period.
âbut they make me look-â
he was taken aback when your body leaned forward, closing his eyes in the process and anticipated a kiss on the lips or on his cheek but was kissed on one of his closed eyes instead.
when he fully opened his eyes, you were already grinning, âyou're very, very perfect, love,â
oh, how much he wants to erase that grin of yours with a kiss and replace it with a flustered expression.
he could not imagine a life without the only person with a glorified soul whoâs capable of making him feel special and worthy.
jisung settled his big hands above your small ones on his cheeks, while leaning forward and returning a smooth kiss on your lips. when he pulled away, he still couldnât erase that grin on your face. but at least you were happy, and so was he.
âthank youâŚâ his thumbs rubbed the back of your hands in comfort; wanting to melt under your touch. âwhat would i actually do without you?â he forced a pout, and you both giggledâyours becoming louder. and as quick as flash, he stole another peck on your lips, shutting you up. âbut, uh⌠as much as i'd love to be this close to youâŚâ jisung slowly removed himself from your hold and shoved your arms to your sidesâback to where they belonged. his lips stretched in fear as he looked everywhere in the kitchen but your eyes, ââŚyour hands are spicy, baby.â
credits:
â dividers: @uzmacchiato @strangergraphics @saradika-graphics
â photos: pinterest
the author: i made this probably like two years ago as a drabble, with just like five lines. iâm kinda impressed that i was able to work it out and make it longer. and this was initially inspired by that one live of jisung and renjun. to whoever said that one comment about his face, heâs vv perfect !
and by the way, we have some crazy coincidences here! this work was posted on 06.25.2025, and the day after, jisung had a bubble message saying his eyes looked puffy/swollen on their way to smtown london. but i tell you, i cannot make up something as crazy as this actually is.
some works of: shoxxcc
so soft it hurts
"just write a little every day" ok but what if i write nothing for 3 weeks and then suddenly type like iâm being hunted by god
fwb situationship type stories will always get my ass i donât care how many times itâs been done i will eat it up every single time
8 letters | park jisung
word count: 18,247
genre: highschool!au, baseball player!jisung, a lot of angst and fluff. childhood friends to enemies to friends to lovers lmao
warnings: mentions of bullying, a lot of emotional baggage from jisungâs part, physical fighting, basically lots of high school angst.
authorâs note: hey everyone! im finally back from the dead lol, thank you to everyone who has waited to long for this and sent me nice messages, they really encouraged me :) anyway, a couple of things you guys should know before you start are: i tried to make this jisung a lot like real jisung idk if i did but i hope it worked lol and i tried to make as unfiltered of high school experience as you can get. so jisung faces bullying and social pressure in this and the 2000 line and chenle are all the same age as jisung in this. its a long one but i really hope you like it! thank you! (Btw!! this one is for all my 2002 liners who are going into senior year, lets make this year the best one yet!)
synopsis: 4 years ago, you and jisungâs long term friendship came to an abrupt end. now in senior year, the two of you find yourselves being forced together again by your mothers. suddenly, jisung begins to ask himself what is more important: his reputation or you.Â
alternatively;Â
if all it is is 8 letters, why is it so hard to say?
Keep reading
bless u for this! i genuinely thought this was a story around 8k word count and wondered midway why it doesn't seem like ending sooner or later. news flash, it said 18k! hahaha the tears poured were worth it tho
âwhy would you write fics for small, unpopular fandoms? youâre not gonna reach that many hits in fandoms not many people know aboutâ ?? because Iâm not writing fics for hits or kudos, Iâm writing them for me because these characters are my blorbos and I have so many ideas, so much thoughts about them that my brain might explode if I donât write them out.
come and put that on my soul again (part 1 here)
park jisung x female reader | genre: fluff, light angst | word count: 1,097 words
summer comes to you again the same way the doves patch above your hometown. you put a hand above your eyes as you look up at the sky, wondering if you'd get to touch it someday.
you're twenty now this year. you don't know what that means, really, but maybe you could be on the brink of something. and your heart beats faster as you think about that boy from the sea, and how his eyes would disappear into crescents as he smiled at you.
you do know what a promise means, how it's the weight of love tying you to something, or someone. so when the sun starts getting ready for a good night's sleep, you slip out to the shore where the two of you would always meet.
it's like dĂŠjĂ vuâeverything here looks how you remember it. the sea shimmers under the golden light, the water ripples, and a head pops up above the surface. it's jisung.
the first thing he does is exclaim your name, and all you can think about is how sweet it sounds coming from his lips. you hold your hand out to him just the way you did the last time you saw him, and he looks amazed.Â
âyou still have it,â he says, like he can't believe it.
âi promised you iâd come back, didn't i? i remember everything,â you say. you adjust the bracelet on your wrist so your favorite seashell is the one in the middle.
jisung is so talkative with you today, making up for all the words the two of you couldn't exchange during the months you didn't see him. you see the edge of his tail making little splashes in the water, showing how excited he is to be with you again. he's so cute. your heart swells with affection for your favorite merboy.
âhow was your birthday?â you ask, knowing how he'd turned twenty too, just like you.
âit was really fun! um, i prepared a song to sing for everyone that day, to show that i can sing well now, and they all liked it,â he smiles, looking down shyly for a second.
âcan you show me too?âÂ
he does, his voice soft and melodious. you applaud him at the end and he leans back with a hand over his mouth, still shy and smiling at your praise. you want to tell him how much you adore him.
the next day, you come to the beach early. but what's that? there's a boy with pink hair walking towards you. and he looks likeâŚjisung?
âjisung? how are you here? and your hair!âÂ
you love the coral pink on him, fresh like clear summer. he's wearing a white t-shirt and blue shorts, and he looks like a human you'd be in love with.
âah that's right, i didn't tell you yesterday!âÂ
he says he'd wanted to surprise you, the new hair being part of the surprise for this special occasion. he tells you that merpeople can change their hair colors easily if they wish to, though he usually keeps his black. jisung reaches into his pocket to show you a tiny hourglass suspended in what appears to be polished sea glass, and explains that itâs keeping track of how much time he can spend on land today.
âbut this can't happen often, right? did you have to ask someone to do this?â
you're thinking of those stories you've heard about mermaids who have to give up something important in order to live their dream of seeing the human world. and you don't want jisung to go through something like that, even if for you. but jisung sheepishly says that he just asked his mom if he could go. it's his first time ever being on land, and everything is new to him, but he'd really wanted to see you where you are.Â
oh jisung. stay the way you are.
sitting on your beach towel with you, he wiggles his legs, not used to having them. you poke at him, and he laughs, almost falling over onto you, but you'd always catch him. you like this a lot, summer with jisung.Â
you take him with you to get some ice cream, wanting him to experience that part of being human.Â
âit's so good!â he exclaims, eyes big with happiness. the two of you run back across the boardwalk, trying to get back to your spot on the beach before the rest of your ice cream melts. of course, this is jisungâs first time running too, but he finds out that he can run really fast.
âit's kind of like what i imagined flying to be,â he tells you. âthat was really fun.â
after trying to build a sandcastle with a clumsy jisung, sunset comes to you again. jisung checks his tiny hourglass, which tells him it's almost time to go home.Â
âi really had fun with you today. iâm so glad i met you,â he says very sincerely. âthank you for showing me your world.â
your eyes tremble with tears at that, and he looks at you worried. you tell him not to worry, because it was only that you were so touched by his words. today with jisung was a daydream come true, one of those perfect days that only comes once in a blue. but now you're reminded of something important that you hadn't actually asked him earlier.Â
âjisung, did you have to give up anything to be here on land today?â
looking out to the sea, jisung confesses to you that the time he spends on land is the same amount of time that he will lose from the end of his life.Â
âbut i don't mind, y/n,â he admits, eyes soft as he looks back at you. âi think today was worth it. i could do this again.â
âbut it's really okay, jisung,â you say. âi don't want you to have to sacrifice anything to be with me.âÂ
âare you sure?âÂ
you can't answer that, but he seems to understand.
jisung glances at his hourglass. âit looks like i have to go now, y/n. but i can definitely see you at the shore tomorrow.â
âokay,â you reply. âiâll be there too.â and before you can chicken out of saying it, you add, âi love you.âÂ
âme too.â he puts a hand on his heart, showing you how he's received your love to carry with him as he goes.Â
you watch as he walks back to the blue, the gentle summer breeze tugging at him on his way home.
Notes: Once again, I'm not entirely happy with the ending, but I couldn't think of a way to make it better than it is now, so I've decided to leave it as it is. I thought about adding more details to it, but sometimes more feels unnecessary. Still, I'm glad to come back with a follow-up to come and put that on my soul. At the time that I wrote it, I didn't want to make any promises I couldn't keep, so I didn't promise a second part. But, in the two months since then, I naturally thought about what I could write next, and there were some ideas I definitely wanted to include, such as the part about Jisung turning his hair pink and becoming human. And last night I was hit with inspiration for this story, so I immediately started writing, and everything else came to me as I wrote. I think for stories that are dependent on a certain kind of beauty in language, being in an inspired mood is important. I will note here that the part about Jisung singing a song on his 20th birthday is indeed a reference to the cover he released that day. I also thought that this was going to be under 1,000 words, but it ended up being longer. Still, I'm keeping the formatting like this, especially to be consistent with the first part. I hope you enjoyed reading this! Thank you for reading. You're welcome to let me know your thoughts on this as well!
Credits
Dividers: by enchanthings
Title from this song
References to this poem and this song; ending inspired by this poem
âcome and put that on my soul again, fanfiction written by moraesong on tumblr, posted 2025
đŤśđť
come and put that on my soul
park jisung x female reader | genre: fluff, light angst | word count: 452 words
every sunset, you'd go out to the sea to meet your merboy. merman? you're not really sure.Â
every time you met him, you felt like it took you closer to the divine. he was the most beautiful person (unperson?) you'd ever met. and he was shy, too. he never came too far above the surface of the water, keeping his arms crossed in front of his chest, carefully, if he did. sometimes you'd reach out to ruffle his pretty black hair, and he'd look up at you with surprise in his wide eyes before shaking his head, little water droplets returning back to the sea.Â
or, you'd boop his nose, making him blush. the two of you were just nineteen and at the sunrise of your lives.Â
your merboy didn't really speak. you thought he couldn't and you were okay with that, his presence being enough for you. but one day you came to the shore and he greeted you, voice just as pretty as he was. he told you his name that day too. jisung.Â
from that day on, the two of you talked plenty. he'd been hesitant but he trusted you, all-too-human you, and you felt honored.Â
summer can't be forever. but he was your forever summer, and you promised that no matter what, you'd remember him for the rest of your life, that merboy you fell in love with when you were nineteen.Â
you don't worry about anything because the time you shared will always be enough. the magic he gave you, the magic you two lived in together.Â
on your last day together, jisung brings you a collection of the prettiest seashells he could find. he made a bracelet for you too, and you hold your hand out for him as he delicately fastens it around your wrist.Â
you swear to him that you'll come back to see him next summer. jisung tells you it's no rush. he says he'll always wait for you, always think about you. you were the first he ever loved, after all.
you can tell he's trying to be strong, but there are tears in his ocean eyes. you reach out to wipe his eyes dry, making sure that if you have to leave him, you'll leave him with his eyes bright under the sunlight, just the way they were the day you first met him.Â
when you look back at him one last time as you're leaving the beach, you see that he's giving you a hand heart. you were the one who taught him that.Â
blinking back your own tears, you return the heart to him. yeah, it's going to be all right. you know you'll see him again next golden summer.Â
Notes: For whatever reason, I was really inspired this morning, and I started imagining how beautiful it would be to interact with a young merman Jisung. The parts before the "Keep reading" cut are where this story originated from in my mindâthose beautiful moments. I did tear up a bit while thinking about this, and near the end of my writing. Since I was feeling unusually inspired, I decided to indulge that, and this is what I ended up writing. I feel that it's important for me to be able to produce things without too much deliberation, so I'm posting this little piece with minimal editing, and I intentionally kept it short and not too elaborate. I will consider adding at least one more part to this story, but nothing has been decided yet. Also because this is a short piece, unlike my previous one, I've tried out a different, more minimalistic formatting. Lastly, because I believe in the importance of giving credit as much as possible, I want to note that this story was somewhat inspired and influenced by this one. That's all for now. Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!
Credits
Dividers: by enchanthings
Title from this song
âcome and put that on my soul, fanfiction written by moraesong on tumblr, posted 2025
this hurt me good, i'd love another part, too đŤśđť
imagerie
park jisung x female reader
In which you're the escort who Jisung has been seeing regularly, but you're pining for him.
Genre: fluff, light angst, nonlinear narrative?
Content: this is set in a non-idol alternative universe. a bit suggestive at the beginning, but there's really nothing else besides that. reader is an escort but there aren't mentions of negative interactions with clients. overall pretty sweet
Word count: 5,344 words
Author's note: In a way, this story is an exercise in pining more than anything else, so it's not necessarily intended to be realistic. I wrote this with the idea that the reader's character is the same age as Jisung, but that is not specified in the story. I'll have more notes after the end!
Looking back, all of this began because of Na Jaemin.Â
You still remember that day so clearly. At the time, you were accompanying Xiao Dejun at a fancy hotel dinner that was held in celebration of a collaboration agreement between two large companies. It was only your fourth ever appointment since becoming an escort.
Na Jaemin was the most handsome man you'd ever seen in your life. You were flustered when he started flirting with you, with Dejun still by your side, no less. Thankfully, Dejun seemed amused and not annoyed.Â
Near the end of the party, Jaemin pulled you aside and asked for your phone number. You initially thought it was for himself, but he told you about his beloved younger friend, and how he was looking for a date for the next company gathering.
Na Jaemin was a master at reading people, and he could tell that you were kind and graciousâa good match for his beloved Jisung. But most importantly, he saw a genuine sweetness in you, one that you couldn't mask. He found you beautiful too, which didn't hurt.Â
So that was the beginning of it all. And here you are now, waiting for Jisung to come down to the pool in his luxury apartment complex. It's been five months since you had your first date with Jisung, facilitated with Jaemin's interference, of course.Â
Jisung was shy at first, but over time he'd grown more comfortable with you, and bolder too. Now he's one of your main clients, and you see him fairly often. He even started giving you gifts such as necklaces and bracelets. You had tried to refuse them, but he insisted.Â
It's Saturday afternoon, and Jisung had paid you to spend several hours with him today. This is your first time in his apartment complex, though. When you'd asked, he was vague about the details of how he wanted to spend this time, with the exception of mentioning the pool. So you'd brought your best bikini to look pretty for him.
You sigh loudly, alone at your pool chair. You don't know what you should do about all this.Â
But never mind that, because the door just opened. It's Jisung. You looked away after seeing him, but you can feel his eyes on you. You'll let him lookâafter all, you'd wanted to impress him today.
You finally look up to see him standing there awkwardly. He hasn't been this shy since your first few dates together, so you're a little confused.Â
âWhat is it, Jisung?â you prompt.
He grows even more bashful, if that's possible. âAh, it's nothing,â he says. âIt's just that when I saw you, I really thought that you're like a goddess.â
A goddess? You feel your cheeks warm. Yeah, Jaemin was right about you. You fall easily for words like this. Even though you've been an escort for half a year now, you're still affected by praise and sweet words.Â
But you shake your head. âI'm just me,â you say. âAnd you know me.â
âAnd you're the most stunning girl I've ever met.â
You don't answer to that. Jisung has a habit of trying to be romantic, and it's one that you should protect your heart from. After all, he could easily have a change of heart and stop paying for your company. It could happen anytime, really.Â
So you stand up and play the part of the sultry escort. You slide your hand down Jisung's chest and stop at his lower abdomen. He's so hot, you think. âDo you want to go in the pool now?â
The pool was actually really fun. You swam by yourself for a bit before rejoining Jisung. The two of you chattered away, and you ended up smiling so much that your cheeks hurt. Being with Jisung made you happy.Â
You're done showering now, and your hair is dry. Jisung is showing you some of the new song lyrics he's been writing lately. In his family, his older brother is the one who is more involved with the company, so Jisung is free to pursue whatever he wants, which usually means art. And you too, if you could be considered as someone who entered his life through money.Â
But really, truly, you didn't have anything to complain about, did you? You were steadily earning money through your profession, and you'd been able to meet Jisung, who treated you well and even went above and beyond. The only problem was that you liked him too much.
Was there ever a way that things could have turned out differently? You don't think so. Your fate was set for you the moment you saw Jisung's smile.Â
It was during your first date with him. He had been reticent until you said something that made him laughâyou always try to remember what exactly it was, but youâre never able to. All you remember is what happened after. The way he smiled and how it made his whole face look so cute and bright. And you noticed how Jisungâs smile was shaped like a heart, and in that moment, your own heart was set on him.Â
It didn't make sense, you knew. How could you have loved him already? Well, even if it wasnât love, you knew there was something there. Not love, but your heart calling out for a home, and maybe it just so happened that Jisung was right there and it was convenient for your heart to attach itself to him. Maybe.Â
You had decided to wait the feeling out and see what happened. You knew after the first date that it could have been your first and last time seeing Jisung, but it didn't turn out that way. There were several more dates, and it all came to a peak that one Sunday.
You couldn't hold yourself back. At the end of the date, you kissed him, short and sweet. It startled Jisung, and he flinched and stepped back a bit. He hadn't expected you to do that. You saw this, and apologized immediately, feeling guilty because you knew it caught him off guard and you hadn't asked for his permission.
You watched as Jisung patted at his heart and took a deep breath. He told you that it was okay, and that he'd liked it, just that he gets startled easily and he didn't realize what you were going to do. Before he left, he added that you could do it again another time, if you wanted to.Â
It was after that when he became bolder with you, and a bit more touchy, taking your hand sometimes or leaning his head against your shoulder. You tried to not think too much about what that could mean, because he still paid you for your time every time, and he never said anything that indicated that he actually wanted to date you âfor real.â Maybe he just liked the convenience of knowing you'd be there for him as long as he was a source of your salary. That you wouldn't turn him down because this was something you had to do.Â
You thought it was obvious to Jisung that you genuinely liked him, but one day you accidentally saw his text messages to Jaemin, and he'd written that you were a really good escort, and âThanks for recommending her.â Did that mean he thought you were just really good at your job? Yes, you tried to be, but it was easy with Jisung because you were just that enamored. Again, you decided to not think about this too much, either.Â
To your surprise, you'd received a text message from Jaemin. He wanted to ask for your time this Friday eveningâthere was a fashion gala in your city that he had to be at.Â
You weren't sure what to make of this. Jaemin was Jisung's friend, so surely he must know how often you see Jisung, right? Unless you really didn't mean anything to Jisung, thus making Jaemin feel like he could ask this of youâŚ
You were getting ahead of yourself. You shook your head and replied to Jaemin, telling him you could make it.Â
So the evening came, and you came with the resolve that if Jaemin tried to pull anything, you would strongly reject his advances. A silly part of you wanted to show your loyalty to Jisung, even if it didn't make any sense.
âYou can relax, Y/N,â Jaemin said, more sincerely than you'd expected. âI won't do anything tonight. Just wanted your company.â He flashed you his megawatt smile.Â
âHow do you always know?â you asked.Â
Jaemin winked at you, and laughed as he saw the disgusted face you made at him. âI have my ways. People are easy to read.âÂ
And you'd never wished more that he didn't have this ability until this night came. You were sitting down by yourself, Jaemin off in the crowd with someone elseâLee Jeno, he said?âchatting and chatting. You let your eyes wander towards Ning Yizhuo, the star of tonight's gala, and get a heavy feeling in your stomach when you realize the person she's talking to now is no other than Park Jisung.Â
He knows her? That was your first thought. Your second thought is about whether they were dating or not. Jisung had never mentioned her to you, or anyone who seemed like a possible girlfriend for that matter, so you had assumed that he didn't have anyone and that you werenât his âside piece,â if that was any consolation. But maybe you were wrong.Â
You know it's not right to assume that any girl Jisung is talking to is romantically involved with him, but the fearful part of your brain takes over. You want to look away, but you can't. You watch silently as Jisung laughs and smiles easily with her, and wish desperately that you could be in Ning Yizhuoâs place.
âLooking at Jisungie now, aren't you?âÂ
Jaemin is back. He caught youâŚyou remind yourself that tonight, you're with Jaemin, and no one else.Â
So you apologize. âI'm sorry about that, Jaemin. I promise I'm yours for tonight.â You sit up straighter and focus all your attention on him, looking him in the eyes. You'd forgotten how blindingly handsome he is, and it takes a lot for you to not look away.Â
But Jaemin just waves his hand. âNo need to apologize, Y/N,â he says. âAnd if you're wondering, Jisung and Ningning are childhood friends. He's not seeing anyone right now. Well, except for you, of course.âÂ
You must have looked visibly relieved at this information, because even though you thought you hid your reaction, Jaemin follows up with, âWow, you really like him, don't you?â He almost looks sympathetic.Â
You look down at your lap. There's no point in denying anything when Jaemin knows it all. âYeah.â You sigh.
Deciding to be brave, you ask, âDo you know how he feels about me?âÂ
But before Jaemin has even opened his mouth, there's a new person pulling out a chair at your table. He has a strong bone structure and dark hair. He greets Jaemin casually before turning to you.Â
âYou're Jaeminâs date tonight, right? Who are you?â
He's very straightforward, you think. But he seems fine. So you say, âI'm Y/N. It's nice to meet you.â
You're confused though, because his mouth drops open and he gasps. âWait, did you say Y/N? As in Jisungâs Y/N?â At this second question, he turns towards Jaemin.Â
You were known by somebody as Jisungâs? What is going onâŚ
âMy apologies. I totally forgot to introduce myself! I'm Zhong Chenle.â He smiles brightly at you, and you find yourself smiling back easily. He has a melodious voice too, you notice. Â
Chenle is a fantastic conversationalist. It seems to you that he can talk about anything and everything. Within the span of your conversation with him, he's told you about his dog, what he ate for breakfast this morning, his new exercise regimen, and even the first time he met Jisung.Â
âJisung and I have known each other since we were ten,â he says proudly. âI'm his oldest friend.â
Oh wow. So you'd do well to be on Chenle's good side, since they're so closeâŚbut wait, why are you thinking about all of this because of a guy who pays you to spend time with him? Are you really that down bad?Â
The answer is, unfortunately, yes. And you know that more than anyone. More than Jaemin, even.Â
But what you don't know is that Jisung had a whole conversation about you with Chenle. Chenle remembers it well.
âI really do think she likes me,â Jisung had insisted.Â
âYou know she has to act like she likes you, right? That's what you pay her to do,â Chenle had pointed out, not unkindly but truthfully.Â
âBut I really feel like she does. I think she likes me for real. She always looks at me this certain way and kisses me on the cheek at the end of all of our dates. She doesn't have to do thatâŚâÂ
The two were quiet for a moment. Then Jisung asked, â...Do you really think it's all just fake?âÂ
He looked so dejected that Chenle's demeanor softened. âI don't know, Jisung. I haven't met her. I just don't want you to get hurt over someone who isn't supposed to hurt you.â
Jisung had sighed. âYou're right. Maybe I'm just imagining it.â
But now that Chenle's been talking to you, heâs starting to think that maybe Jisung wasn't imagining things. You seem a lot more genuine and guileless than he thought you'd be. He's surprised. He even risks asking you what it's like when you spend time with Jisung, and the way you smile and giggle at the thought of him surely has to be real.Â
Chenle thinks he has his answer now, but he'll leave it up to Jisung to figure it out.
Chenle isn't the only friend of Jisung's whom you meet here. You hit it off with the kind and well-spoken Mark Lee to the point where you're enthusiastically exchanging phone numbers. As you're doing this Jisung actually passes by your table, and you almost pause what you're doing to wave at him, but he ignores you. You try to not feel embarrassed by that.Â
And wait a minuteâŚwhere even is Jaemin?
You're back at Jisung's apartment complex. This time, you're on the rooftop deck, a breeze blowing through your hair and Jisung sitting by your side. The stargazing has been going just okay, since it's cloudy tonight. You've given up for now and have started chatting about other things instead.
Suddenly Jisung asks you, âDid you like meeting Mark the other day?â
âI did,â you say. âHe's one of the coolest people I've ever met. I love how well-read he is and how uniquely he thinks about things. It's so cool that you're friends with somebody as amazing as him.â
You say this very sincerely as you look at Jisung, but the compliment doesn't seem to have the effect that you wanted. He just looks at you blankly. âAre you going to be seeing him a lot, then?â
Oh. He thinks it's like that?Â
âI don't know. I mean, it's up to him,â you reply after a brief pause.Â
Jisung just nods at you and hums in acknowledgement. It looks like this conversation is over. You don't like Mark like that, though, and you didn't get the vibe from him that he wanted to spend time with you as an escort.Â
You want to tell Jisung that he's the only one for you, but you keep your mouth shut before you blurt out something you shouldn't. You know youâll have to say something sooner or later and that you can't hold it in forever, but for now you'll hold your silence. You've been doing it for this long anyways, so a little more should be okay.
Jisung had been hesitant at first, as he often is. When Jaemin told him about you for the first time, he'd refused the idea of hiring an escort to be his date. He didn't know what you'd be like, and he thought it might be immensely awkward to pay someone to spend time with him. But Jaemin reassured him.Â
âShe won't do anything that you don't want her to. Since you're paying her, you can let her know what's âawkwardâ and what's not, in your words,â Jaemin had said. âBesides, don't you want to meet someone new? She's really sweet and pretty. I promise you'll like her.â
Jisung had his doubts about that. But still, he relented and asked you to be his date.
He didn't know what to expect, but as it turned out, you were just as sweet and pretty as Jaemin said you were. Jisung being Jisung, he was rather awkward with you at first (and then he felt awkward about being awkward!), but you never reacted negatively towards him. You clearly tried to make him feel more at ease, asking him about himself and his interests, his thoughts about the dinner you were provided at the company gathering, and how he was feeling. Soon Jisung felt himself relaxing a bit in your presence, and you smiled at him beautifully.Â
Near the end of the event, you had told him, âJisung, I didn't mention this earlier but I want to say this now. You're so handsome.â You put a hand on his arm, gently.
Jisung had blushed red and tried to stop himself from sputtering and embarrassing himself even more in front of you. âReally?â Did you mean it? Were you just trying to butter him up? Maybe this was something you always saidâŚ
âYes, of course! Don't you know? You're gorgeous.â You moved your hand down to squeeze his hand, while Jisung brought his free hand up to cover his mouth in shyness and maybe even disbelief. You giggled at this, making Jisung look at you, and then the two of you giggled together.
Jisung decided that he didn't mind, even if you were just buttering him up. But he learned as time went on that you weren't, and you always meant what you said when you complimented him. It did boost his ego to be lavished with all this positive attention from a girl like you, and he even asked you one time if you could tell him about all the reasons you thought he was handsome. It was your turn to be shy and sputtering, but you told him.Â
Jisung liked having your attention. He realized that he did have some kind of effect on you, and so he came to enjoy flirting with you just to see your responses. And after the first time you took him by surprise with a kiss, the only kisses you initiated with him were kisses on his cheek. So from then on, he was the one to start kisses with you on the lips, and the way you'd be breathless with your eyes shining as you parted from himâhe wanted to see that again and again.
Maybe there was a romantic in him that needed to be fulfilled. Jisung almost forgot that what the two of you had was bound by the material world of monetary payment and time limits. He paid you generously for your time with him, but the way you sweetly thanked him every time somehow tricked him into thinking that it was a gift to the girl he liked, rather than something you required from him.Â
What brought him out of this endless sky his delusional heart floated in was when you'd ask him if there was anything you could do better for him. Was there anything he wanted you to change? Did Jisung have any feedback for you about your services?
It was always jarring to him. How could it be, that you were only doing a job, but he felt so right with you? Jisung came to understand that you were a very good escort, and he told Jaemin as much. From a more cynical perspective, maybe this was all a ploy to be able to earn more from him.
Still, Jisung dreamed of love. And he remembers that one time you asked him, âAre you sure there's nothing better I could do for you? I can try more to be what you really want.âÂ
He told you, âJust keep being you,â fully aware of how silly that may have sounded.Â
But you didn't seem to think that. Actually, you looked quite surprised to Jisung, and for the first time since he'd known you, you were fully speechless.Â
After that moment had passed, you'd nodded and took a deep breath. âOkay, Jisung,â you said. âI can keep being me for you. I will be for you.â
I will be for you. What did you mean by that? That you'd be yourself for him, yes, but had you been trying to say something more? Jisung doesn't know.Â
That night you quietly kissed his fingertips before leaving him to his own thoughts.
This was wearing on you too much.
Last night you'd stayed over at Jisung's apartment. You weren't supposed to, and it wasn't included in the time that he'd paid you for. But just a few words from him, and you'd folded. His voice had you weak.Â
âPlease, Y/N? I think I'll sleep better if you're here with me.âÂ
You couldn't argue with that. Maybe Jisung made you ditzy; maybe Jisung made you dumb. You prided yourself on being able to maintain your composure and your propriety, but maybe you'd never been that person with him from the start. Too easily swayed when it was words from the boy with the prettiest eyes and pretty lips.
So, even though it was far too intimate, you did it. His white bedsheets were soft, and he made sure you were properly covered by his duvet. It was quiet too; just the subtle sound of his and your breathing. Soft, soft, soft. Your heart that was soft for Jisung, the softness of his bed, and the softness of the peaceful night that felt like it could last forever.Â
Worst of all, or maybe best of all, Jisung was soft, too. He kissed you on the forehead and whispered to you a good night.Â
You felt like your heart was going to burst. He made you feel like a girlfriend, but you knew you weren't that to him.Â
But this had to come to an end. You've made up your mind, and you can only hope you're making the right decision.Â
You've been an escort for about seven months now, and for six of those, you've been seeing Jisung. You never thought when you started that something like this would happen to you, but you've been consumed by him. Waiting for his texts to know when you would see him next, because it was always up to him and never up to youâthough he never kept you waiting for long.
You can only hope that he'll take it well after you tell him what you have to tell him, but part of you wants him to not take it well. You want him to care. But, will he?Â
No matter how this will turn out, you donât feel ready for the consequences.Â
You arm yourself with your best outfit and a gift for Jisung. You're wearing a white tulle butterfly top with a long skirt (even though you're going to be indoors, it's still winter outside!), and around your neck is a locket: the first gift that Jisung ever gave you.
The plan is for you to meet Jisung at the restaurant today. It's a popular restaurant and Jisung was out with his parents for a long while earlier, so to make sure the restaurant honored his reservation, he had to quickly make his way there on time rather than meeting up with you first.Â
You don't mind. It gives you a little more time to mentally prepare yourself before you have to see him.Â
But when you arrive at the restaurant and see him sitting there, you almost feel like all your worries were in vain. You're just happy to see him. Jisung looks just as beautiful as he did the first time you met him.Â
He doesn't notice you until you're a few steps away. âY/N! You're here.âÂ
âI am!â you say. You lean forward and kiss him on the cheek. Usually you only do that at the end of your dates, but you don't know how today is going to turn out, so you'd rather do it now while you still can.Â
âWhat is that?â Jisung asks you. He's looking at the big gift bag you're holding.Â
âIt's for you,â you tell him. âHappy early birthday, Jisung.âÂ
âWow,â he says, in a very Jisung-like manner. âYou didn't have to get me anything! Being with you the weekend before my birthday is enough of a gift for me.â He smiles at you, and you don't think you're imagining the softness in his eyes. That gives you hope.Â
âYou know how it is. Anything for you,â you respond. You resist the urge to sigh those last few words out.Â
Jisung asks if he can see the birthday present right now, or if you'd rather he wait. You find his excitement cute, so of course you pick up your gift bag and give it to him. In any case, you're trying to have as many sweet moments with him as you can before you might never see him again. Keep it sweet while it's sweet. Don't mix sweet and sad.Â
You're trying. You think you're keeping the bad feelings at bay well enough so far.Â
As expected, he likes your gift a lot. You gave him an Oasis vinyl, knowing his love for the band. Jisung says that he thinks this might end up being his best birthday ever. You're struck by how happy he seems to be today. Is it because of you?
Before the two of you start eating your food, you ask Jisung for a selfie together. You can tell he's a bit embarrassed to draw attention to himself in such a full restaurant, but he still says yes, so you come over to his side of the table with the thought that you'll make it quick. But Jisung surprises you again when he reaches for your phone and takes a few extra selfies of the two of you.
âI always take a bunch of extra ones when I take selfies, so don't worry about it,â he reassures you.Â
Dessert time comes in a flash, and when both you and Jisung are almost done with your chosen desserts, you know it's now or never. With your heart beating fast, you take a deep breath.Â
âI just want to say happy birthday to you again, Jisung. Today was really fun and I hope your birthday this year will be the best one you've ever had. But I have something I need to tell you.â This time, you can't stop yourself from sighing. The nerves are too much.Â
Jisung nods and waits for you patiently.Â
âI'm going to be quitting next week. I thought about it for a while, and I just feel like I'm not a good fit for this job, and I can't see myself doing this for much longer anyways. Since we see each other so often, I wanted to let you know. And I'm really sorry to bring this up so close to your birthday, but the timingâŚit just worked out that way. I'm sorry.â You lower your eyes, afraid of his response.
When you dare to look up, you see that Jisung looks concerned more than anything else. âAre you okay, Y/N? Did something bad happen?â
âNo, nothing bad happened.â You deliberate on whether you want to say the next sentence in your head, and you think, why not, at this point. âWell, something did happen, but I don't think I can really tell you about it.â You shift in your chair.Â
âThat's okay. I understand,â Jisung says. This is going a lot better than you'd hoped. He doesn't seem upset with you for not telling him earlier, and he's also not pressing you about your reasons (the aforementioned âsomethingâ being the fact that you really genuinely like him and can no longer handle being in the in-between position you're in as the escort he hires).Â
Jisung interrupts your mental processing with, âBut, while I still have you here with me, is there anything else you want from me? It can be anything. I want to repay you one last time.âÂ
You hesitate. There is something you want from him, but if you ask for it he'll know your feelings for him.Â
Well, he did say âanythingâ...
âYeah, there is something.â With your fingers, you awkwardly hold up the heart-shaped locket you're wearing. â...Do you think you could give me a photo that fits into this locket?âÂ
You immediately regret saying that. From an outsiderâs perspective, it makes zero sense for you to have a locket with a photo of one of your clients. It makes even less sense right after you told said client that you're quitting. But you've long given up on trying to make sense to yourself.
You remember what Jisung told you the day he gave you the locket. He said he bought it for you because it reminded him of your style. Although he didn't say it outright, he'd implied that there was no particular reason that it happened to be a locket. Still, you loved it and treasured it, keeping it safe in a jewelry box.Â
âY/NâŚwhat kind of photo? Do you mean a photo of me?âÂ
âIt can be whatever you want,â you mumble, not wanting to admit what you meant. But it seems like he already knew.Â
âI said it can be anything, so you can tell me exactly what you want. I can give you a photo of me, if that's what you want. But are you sure that you don't want something else? Why do you want a photo of me?âÂ
Oh no. Now he's grilling you. His calm demeanor throughout this conversation is making you nervous.Â
You never intended to be the escort who got attached to her client, but that's what you are today, and what you were yesterday, and what you were for the past several months. It's time for you to be honest with yourself, and honest with Jisung.
So you say, âJisungâŚhasn't it been obvious? I really like you.â
Silence. Oh, you knew this was a bad idea.Â
Jisung reaches across the table to take your hand. You look at him, vulnerable. âI really like you too,â he confesses. âI thought you knew. I don't think I really hid that.âÂ
You stare at him in shock. This is everything you hoped for. Did you hear that right? Did Park Jisung just confess to you?Â
You don't say anything, so Jisung continues. âIs it that hard to believe?âÂ
âNo, I guess notâŚbut I couldn't be entirely sure of your feelings, since you never said anything.â
âI was going to, but I talked to Chenle and he kind of talked me out of it. I did think that maybe you liked me too, but I started doubting everything after I talked with him. So I decided to just wait.âÂ
âI think I liked you from the beginning,â you say. âI'm so glad you feel the same.âÂ
So when the two of you leave the restaurant and Jisung asks you if he'll be seeing you again soon, you don't say that it's up to him. You give him a time and date, and this time he's the one to leave you with a kiss on the cheek before you go.Â
You make a note to text Jaemin and thank him for everything.
Notes: Although I'm not entirely happy with the last part of the final scene, I feel like the way it is now is probably as good as it's going to get, so I decided I would leave it and be finished with this. I have been slowly working on this story since July 21, 2024, in sections when inspiration struck me, so it's been a while, and I wanted to finish it! This year, while trying to finalize the context for the final scene, I realized that it would make perfect sense for it to be related to Jisung's birthday, and for me to post this before his birthday. This also gave me the push to really go for sharing this for real! So, thank you so much for reading!! I hope you enjoyed! This is my debut fanfiction for NCT, so I'm both nervous and excited to post this. And finally, everyone, please give the real Jisung a lot of love, and look at him prettily!
Credits
Header: from Jisung's Instagram post
Dividers: by enchanthings
References to this poem, this song, and the dedication of Book of My Nights
âimagerie, fanfiction written by moraesong on tumblr, posted 2025
this is too perfect đ¤§
BOYS DON'T CRY! âś mark lee
SYNOPSIS: you never believed in taking breaks, but a series of small happenings led to mark breaking your trust, and you couldn't take it anymore. far and away from each other, you try to sort your thoughts before it's too late, if it isn't already. â and they say that boys don't cry, except this one does.
PAIRING: boyfriend!mark x female reader
GENRE: angst, established relationship, hurt and comfort, fluff
WORD COUNT: 10k
FEATURING: jaemin, renjun, choi yena as jaemin's girlfriend, brief appearance of haechan and jeno
CONTAINS: mentions of emotional cheating, breakup, mentions and use of alcohol, depressive episodes. dismissal and avoidance of feelings, emotional despair.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: huge thank you to the anon who dropped by expressing their need for some markie hurt & comfort <3 the idea of mark devastated and crying fuelled my inspiration, so i hope you'll enjoy reading this <3 of course meelings are open and PLEASE come talk to me! á´ á´ á´Â Â
ÂŠď¸ KONGJJEN 2024 - 2025. all rights reserved. do not copy, translate or repost any of my works.
You knew this was bound to happen. You look at Mark, whoâs standing in the middle of the living room in your studio apartment, his jaw set and his muscles tensed, yet his eyes are so full of emotion, and it has you gulping because you know that if you keep standing like this, looking at him just standing there and looking at you the way he is â itâs going to ruin you and the last grams of self respect you have left in you.
So you avert your gaze, looking somewhere behind him so you wonât be distracted as you finally make up your mind. Thereâs no going back.
âI think we should take a break,â you mumble, and a lump sets in your throat.
The world around you stills for a few moments, with your heart threatening to burst in your chest and your ears ringing waiting for your boyfriendâs reply, you try to swallow the lump in your throat.
âY/n, donât do this,â he warns, but his tone isnât upset. Itâs raw with emotion as his voice trembles, and you finally find it in you to look at him, âYou know we donât believe in breaks,â he tries to convince you, and you agree with his statement but you warned him about all the small things in the past months, and you knew this was bound to happen.Â
âY/n, please,â his voice trembles as he pleads, taking a few steps around the couch to be closer to you, except you move backwards, until your back touches the counter of your small kitchen, making him halt his steps. The look in his eyes is full of worries, theyâre shadowed by fear, by heartbreak, âIf we do this, thereâs no going back,â he tries, moving one hand pointing at the two of you, respecting the clear stance you just made by putting space between the two of you. âI love you, please donât do this,â his voice breaks, and a closer look to his face makes you realise his eyes are brimming with tears.
You close your eyes immediately, reaching behind you with one hand, trying to steady yourself by gripping the kitchen counter. You hate seeing him crying, because heâs always been one of the strongest people youâve known and he was the one who always consoled you.Â
You open your eyes, and you feel your eyes swelling with the pressure of tears building up. You look at him â heâs biting his bottom lip, look of devastation making his features sharper.Â
âI love you too,â the words leaving your lips are barely a whisper, but he hears you nonetheless, seeing him nodding your way and expecting you to call off the whole taking a break thing. âBut I also love myself, Mark,â your voice is slightly louder, because this is something youâre not playing about anymore, âI love you so much, but I need to love myself as well, and Iâm putting myself first because we talked about these issues before, apparently to no use,âÂ
You see Mark bringing a hand up to ruffle his hair, his gaze not leaving yours, as he registers your words and their meaning. âI promise nothing happened,â he shakes his head, the lump in his throat getting bigger and bigger and he thinks heâll ruin your beautiful carpet soon.
âStop!â You raise your voice, and you canât control your tears any longer, âStop saying this to me! I feel like an idiot because I always believe you, but you always betray my trust!â Youâre accusing him, and you donât like this side of you but youâve had enough of this. âI warned you about her and you dismissed my worries every single time!â Your voice is full of newfound courage, your tone accusatory, and you hate how the way heâs looking at you right now is making you doubt your choice and your words.
âI never cheated on you, I swear,â he tries to reassure you, and his words only make your tears stain your cheeks faster. âY/n, I would never do that to you,â he tries again, and after seeing how youâre not responding, he goes on, âIâm not that kind of scumbag, I love you too much,â
And you sigh, closing your eyes, and feeling an incoming splitting headache making your temples throb.Â
âWe need a break from each other, we have a lot of things to think about,â you start again, and Mark feels like youâre not listening to him or to yourself. His heart starts racing and thereâs a strange feeling pooling in the pit of his stomach, and the fear of losing you itâs driving him insane.
He respects your choice of avoiding him physically, and he doesnât even think about invading your personal space right now, knowing that heâd worsen the whole situation by crossing your boundary, especially because he can literally see you putting up an emotional wall, and denying him access.
You look at him, his disheveled self, and you see him getting paler and paler the more your eyes are set on him. There are tears running down his face right now, and he tries his best not to let out a sob as realisation sinks in. Youâre serious about this.Â
âIf we do this, thereâs no going back,â he repeats himself, in a last attempt to convince you to give up this idea.
But you stand your ground, and you once again avert your gaze. If you look at him any longer youâll give in, and so many things have happened that you feel you canât allow yourself to be this stupid and give in just because itâs Mark.
Itâs Mark, the only man youâve ever really loved, that made you realise what falling in love meant. Mark, who held your head while you cried and rubbed your tummy every time you were bedridden by period cramps. Mark, that wiped your tears with his t-shirts and blew your nose with the sleeves of his hoodies. Mark, who broke your trust after becoming too close to a co-worker. And what hurts you the most is the fact that you warned him about this, about your hunch, and he dismissed you every single time.
Youâre doing this for yourself, but also for him. Maybe heâll realise his mistakes, or maybe heâll just give up and heâll start a new life, with no trace of you in it. And if that happens, maybe it was always meant for it to happen.
âMark, I need you to leave,â you tell him, and your tears are flowing freely, yet you still manage to contain the sobs that you so desperately need to let out past your lips.Â
Mark closes his eyes, and you see him taking a few seconds to take big breaths. He nods, looking around for his jacket discarded on the couch, and he walks slowly towards the front door. You donât look at him, you donât find it in you to give him one last look, because you know it will haunt you forever. So you just watch the spot he stood in a few seconds ago, waiting for him to get out of your apartment.
âCall me, yeah?â He whispers, and you can see him with the corner of your eye as heâs stopping himself from getting out the door to look at you, to take you in one last time, âI love you,â
And the door doesnât slam, doesnât creak, doesnât swish when he closes it after himself, leaving you all alone with your thoughts and the realisation of what just happened finally hitting you.
Everything in your studio apartment reminds you of him. Heâs present in every corner you look, his scent fills the air, lingers on your sheets and pillows, his towel is still touching yours by the shower. His toothbrush is propped against yours, his slippers are scattered by the front door just the way he left them the night you told him to leave, your set of keys to his apartment resting in the bowl by the entrance.Â
Your chest tightens looking at the keyring that he chose for you, a small Spiderman figure dangling alongside the keys to his apartment. You still remember how you chose a miffy one for his keys to your apartment, finding it extremely cute how a token of your favourite things get to be with each other all the time, like a part of you is there to be a reminder of how close you are, the domesticity between the two of you even if you donât live together. The girly trinket hanging from his set of keys always made your heart melt whenever you caught a glimpse of them â seeing a man like Mark fishing for his keys with miffy attached to them made your heart lurch in your chest.
While youâre left to look at Spiderman, and youâre short of breath remembering you might not use these keys ever again.
His shower gel stays unmoving in your shower, his razor and aftershave lotion catch dust in your cabinet by your skincare, where they look so misplaced between the many products wrapped in such pretty and girly packaging. But theyâre a part of you and a part of your space, and you donât have it in you to move anything of his away from their spots.
Markâs presence is felt everywhere in your apartment, and so is his absence. No more loud laughing, no more gossiping sessions during which he backs you up even if youâre wrong, only for him to tell you twenty minutes later that you were kinda wrong. No more binge watching a show in one night and no more him coming up to you with a recipe he found on social media that looked just too good, asking you if it would be alright for you to cook it someday.Â
No more hurried showers together, no more kissing in the middle of the steam of the scorching showers that you take, that have his skin redden because he always takes cold showers instead. No more hands lingering between your bodies and no more kisses traveling down on your skin.Â
The first two days into this break and things were relatively alright, but only because it was the weekend, and you spent two days rotting in bed with your feet only walking you to the bathroom and then back to bed. And when the workweek began, you had to brace yourself for impact, because every single thing you saw around on the street or at work that reminded you of him, you had to stop yourself from taking pictures to send to Mark so he could see as well. No more âoutfit of the dayâ pictures in the morning or selfies during your breaks, no more âthank youâ texts and no more âI love youâsâ sent randomly.Â
On tuesday you had to refrain from texting him about your co-worker, the one you canât get along with, to let him know what had happened and how it had gone down, just to have him backing you up.Â
On wednesday it hit you, when it became hard to get out of bed in the morning. The lack of sleep, the lack of appetite, and the apathy you found yourself in made you miserable, not to talk about just how much you missed Mark. He tried reaching out a few times by calling you, yet you looked at the screen and then at how the call went unanswered, prompting him to call you once again. He always called you twice, knowing you might not always hear it or feel it vibrating on whatever surface it is on around you apartment. But you never picked up. You needed your space away from him, because the small conflicts that led to you taking this decision really hurt you, and you needed the distance.
And truth be told, you warned him. You asked him every single time and you confronted him, not wanting to be jealous or toxic, because it was better to talk it out and settle things once and for all, only for him to dismiss your worries. And look where it got him, where it got the two of you.
He met her at work, and you noticed her in his comment section on instagram whenever he posted something with only himself in the picture, never the ones with you, but you turned a blind eye, because Mark never gave you any reason to be jealous or worried about a possible lack of loyalty from his side. Then you noticed the pictures together during the company dinner, when she was a little too close to him, grin plastered on her face as she leaned on your boyfriendâs shoulder, and thatâs the first time you opened up about it to him.
âBaby, you have absolutely nothing to worry about!â He reassured you, and you threw a skeptical look his way. âSheâs a coworker and sheâs friendly to everyone else as well,â his tone was airy, nonchalant, and he kissed you to ease your worries.Â
So that time you shut your mouth, thinking thereâs no way youâre letting this girl you donât even know ruin your confidence or setting jealousy or insecurity in your bones. Until you met her.
For Jaeminâs surprise birthday party, which his girlfriend organised, inviting everyone from work too. And it was only normal for her to be there too, since Mark and Jaemin worked together. You observed her, discreetly of course. She might have been friendly to everyone else, but she didnât lean on any other man present at the party, and you definitely saw how she avoided Mark when he was next to you. She only talked to you once that night, and you swear her eyes sparkled with something malicious, but you didnât bring it up to your boyfriend, only telling him that you have a hunch, and that he should really trust you on this.
You turned a blind eye every time he brought her name up in conversations, and the times you couldnât take it anymore you spoke openly about it with Mark, who seemed to partially understand what you meant, but he still dismissed your worries.
And thank goodness for your hunch, thank goodness for believing your instincts, because that feeling in your guts was never wrong. Generally a womanâs hunch makes no mistakes, especially when it comes to women like her who arenât even trying to hide it.Â
Mark was the confirmation in flesh and bones, because you noticed how he stopped talking to you about stuff. He no longer had that sparkle in his eyes while telling you something that had happened to him, or talking to you about new books he wanted to read and what activities for the weekend he wanted to get to do with you. The weekend activities started disappearing entirely, with Mark telling you he was drained and he didnât want to spend his free time outside the house anymore.Â
Mark stopped caring, stopped seeing the signs that things were starting to change when it came to you, and he started avoiding communicating. He lost the spark from his eyes, those beautiful eyes, and you still convinced yourself it wasnât because of her. Because Mark reassured you, and you blamed all the changes on him being a workaholic on the brim of burnout.Â
It took Jaeminâs girlfriend unexpectedly calling you, for you to really open your eyes. Yena was nice, Jaemin introduced her to both you and Mark and their other friends a couple of years ago, and you wouldnât say you are best friends but you definitely are close to each other â maybe not in the âIâll help you bury a body if you need me toâ type of close, but definitely in the âhey, watch out for that bitch because Iâve heard something from Jaemin and I felt like I needed to tell youâ type of close.
âJaemin agreed to let me come to you, because he feels uncomfortable with everything going on,â Yena explained to you, not touching the iced coffee you bought for her before she showed up.Â
âIs he sure?â You asked, biting on your bottom lip, but you couldnât resist the curiosity. Everything Yena told you, that she knew from Jaemin, was a confirmation of everything you had your doubts on already, everything that was previously dismissed by your boyfriend.Â
âYes,â Is the only thing Yena managed to answer, not knowing what else to tell you, or how to sugarcoat it.Â
âThank you, to both you and Jaemin,â you mumble, and you canât find it in you to fake being your normal self.Â
What Yena told you started eating at you immediately, the anger of betrayal eating at you while also making you feel incredibly anxious of what youâve just discovered.Â
Mark didnât physically cheat on you, but he did have an emotional affair with his coworker, and it is just as bad. The sparkle in Markâs eye was gone because another woman had already seen it, the way Mark didnât have enough energy to entertain you because he had spent it all on another woman. And it made you sick. It made you want to scream, it made you want bawl in the middle of the cafeteria, and although Yena could see your eyes lost yet still getting all puffy from the tears you were keeping at bay, she didnât say anything.
A week after your and Markâs break started, you started feeling everything ten times worse than you did before. During days you kept busy with work, but nights were the worst. Although you and Mark didnât live together, you spent every night together, either at his or at your place. Youâre now alone and all by yourself in an apartment that still smells like him one week after heâs last stepped foot in here, youâre engulfed by his scent, and you toss and turn into bed only to feel it even stronger on your pillows. The pillow he used to sleep on now a souvenir of the way the two of you were before, and while you hug his pillow to your chest, his scent lingers in your nose like itâs the only smell youâve ever known.
Getting straight to bed after youâre done with work, phone on âdo not disturbâ, tossing and turning into bed while you try to get to sleep, seem like the perfect things to do, especially because you need a break from your own racing thoughts, from your own feelings. A very atypical friday night for you, but this is what you have to work with at the moment.
You flinch the moment you doorbell rings, and panic starts to settle in as you think itâs some unwanted visitor, which youâre really not in the mood for because not only do you look like a mess â tired and pale, â but so does your apartment, that has been your depression pit for the past week.
Your steps are cautious as you approach the from door, lights still off in case it really is an unwanted visitor and you need to fake not being home, and you peek through the peep hole, but your brows furrow with confusion, and you turn the lights on with a swift motion of your hand before unlocking the door.
âHi, I didnât order anything,â you let the delivery guy know as soon as you open the door, and he looks over the receipt stapled to the brown bag.
âIâm sorry, but this is the right address,â he explains, and the look on your face makes him throw another look at the receipt. âIt says here itâs for Y/n⌠has already been payed for,â he seems to get tired of your cluelessness, so you pick the brown bag up and take it to the kitchen, and when you take the contents of the bag out to sprawl on the kitchen table, it dawns on you.
Friday nights are for Chinese food, a tradition you and Mark established very early on into your relationship, and you look at the receipt to make sure this isnât just in your head.Â
Your name is written on the receipt and the note stapled to the bag, and tears form in your eyes knowing that Mark ordered you food, because despite being apart from each other, it still is friday night. The bag contains dumplings â his favourite, â and spring rolls, your favourite.
Thereâs a lump forming in your throat as you think of Markâs gesture, but your stomach growls as soon as you open the containers full of food, and it seems like Mark knew you werenât taking care of yourself well enough.
You take a bite from one dumpling, and you force yourself to chew. Tears start streaming down your face before you can even think to stop them, and feeling the familiar taste of the food has the lump in your throat making it very hard to swallow your bite, â which consequently leads you to put your food down when you feel a sob suffocating you. The familiarity of the meal is almost made unbearable by the atypical silence thatâs haunting your place, and your heart canât help but break inside your chest as you think of Mark, and you hope heâs doing better than you are.
By the time the second week since you decided on taking this break from Mark comes to an end, youâve changed the sheets. And another piece of Markâs presence was gone from your life.
Markâs not sure how he got home that night. He wandered the streets of your neighbourhood hoping for you to call him and to tell him you changed your mind, and that itâs best to talk it out. But your call never came, and he sat down on a curb crying like a little kid the more he spent outside in the cold.
He must have blacked out the moment his tired body hit the bed many hours later, when exhaustion finally took its toll on him. Heâs also not sure how he managed to get through that weekend, but one thing is certain, he took a whole week off from work.
Heâs so upset with himself, heâs so upset with the entire world â which only makes him want to isolate himself from everyone. He kept hoping heâll see your contact picture popping up on his screen, and he decided maybe he should be the one to reach out first. Markâs heart fell to his stomach the more time passed and the only thing greeting his hearing was the dialling tone instead of your sweet voice.
He knows you set a boundary by deciding to go on a break, yet he canât shake all the anxiety away, knowing all the discussions the two of you had about how you both believed taking breaks meant actually breaking up but itâs just a way of sugarcoating it.Â
Staying away from you, knowing and admitting what led up to this makes him feel short of breath, and a sob escapes past his lips even before he can register heâs crying in the first place. Something inside of Markâs chest hurts when he remembers all the times you brought the issue up to his attention, and he dismissed every single one of your worries like the biggest idiot he is.
But to his defence, Mark wasnât aware this emotional cheating was a thing, and he thought you were being jealous for some inexplicable reason. He should have listened to you, because he loves you so much, and he should have trusted you and your judgement, because look where all this dismissal and avoiding got him.
He loves you so much, he never thought heâll go through this with you, he never thought heâll break your trust and heart the way he did. Youâre the best thing that happened to him and realising he might never hear from you again has his head falling into his hands.Â
Mark becomes the shadow of the man he once was, appetite and will to just exist long gone. How will he manage to be without you, when he found your trinkets resting on his desk and tears suffocated him to the point of letting out sobs? Looking at your little Hirono figure that you gave him to bring him luck at work, has a lump forming in his throat.
Heâs lost in his misery every time he wears his hoodies and t-shirts scattered around the house, because the collar smells so unapologetically like you, and realising this is the last bit of you he has around makes him sleep in all those clothes of his that youâve worn recently. Itâs the last palpable thing he has of you, and he canât let go of them. Yes, he has the trinkets, and yes, he has the books and everything else in his apartment reminding him of you, because everything you touched was now marked by your presence.Â
Your perfume clinging to the collar of his shirts is the last thing he has to remember your body by. Thereâs a shape of you in his bed, and he now sleeps on your designated side just to feel a bit better and not like his heart is literally trying to crawl out of his chest to get to you. He sleeps with one of those garments nearby, because he canât hold you, but your scent still present and lingering on his pieces of clothing brings him a bit of comfort, like youâre there with him, and heâs sticking to your warm sleeping figure like he always does, not knowing what personal space is whenever youâre around.
Mark regrets everything heâs done to hurt you, everything heâs done to break your heart. A few more days being away from you and he felt like calling you again, but instead he bit his lips and he switched his phone off, not in the mood to see anybody else calling him, because heâs certain you wonât be one of them.
You made your stance clear, yet it breaks him to know you donât want to talk about it, because in all honesty you kept trying for the past months, only for him to basically tell you that it was all in your head, and now that he wants to talk and heâll hear you crystal clear, itâs too late. Itâs always too late.
Mark used to judge men who couldnât keep their relationships by fucking up. âHow hard can it be to be genuine to each other?â He always wondered with acerbic judgement, yet look at him know, hanging to everything his girlfriendâs ever touched like heâll forget who she is and how she looks like if he doesnât.
Nearly a week into this break and Mark thinks he started hallucinating.Â
He lays in his bed, wearing his green hoodie, the one you always stole away from him, when he thinks he hears knocking on his door. He thinks he might be going insane, all the knocking feels like itâs far away, echoing in his ears as he rests his heavy head on your designated pillow. The more the knocking persists, the closer the sound feels in his ears, and it eventually brings him back to reality, making him shudder as he wakes up.
He drags his feet to the front door, not even peeping to check who the visitor at his door is, and he opens his door, the motion making his dishevelled hair move on his forehead.
Jaemin walks in, already knowing his way around the apartment. Heâs carrying a brown bag in his right hand, a coffee carrier with two tall cups in the other. Heâs standing in the middle of the living room, looking concerned around himself, knowing that Mark is not the type of guy whoâs messy, but right now his place looks like a pigsty.
Mark is sitting on the couch, one leg bouncing, waiting for his friend to open his mouth. Heâs averting his gaze, almost like he knows the look Jaeminâs sporting right now, and he prefers to look at the spot on the floor you usually sit down in while eating in the living room with him, binge watching a new series that you canât just pause in favour of eating in the kitchen.
Jaemin raises his brows swiftly, getting rid of any emotion that might betray just how concerned he is, because heâs not here to nag, but heâs here to check on his friend and make sure heâs safe and sound.
âSo,â Jaemin clears his throat, but he doesnât move from his spot in the middle of the living room, âI called you a lot these days, but you never answered,âÂ
Mark nods, leg still bouncing betraying his nerves. He only switched his phone back on once a day, usually at night, to check if you had contacted him. No other text was important, not the four hundred missed calls from his friends when they realised he was unreachable.Â
âHave you,â Mark gulps, his throat suddenly dry, and he finally raises his tired gaze to look for Jaeminâs, whose is already eagerly looking at him like heâs eating up every single bit of this interaction, âHave you heard from Y/n?â You are his main concern, he needs to know youâre at least doing better than him, because while heâs here repenting for everything heâs ever done to hurt you, you only need to think if heâs worth the while after all.
Jaemin shakes his head, lips pressed in a thin line, âShe hasnât reached out to anybody,â Jaemin confirms to him, and Mark wants to ask him to make sure youâre alright, to take care of you â but he ends up swallowing his words, and he only nods as a reply.
Jaemin looks around himself one more time, and then at Mark, whoâs known for not being a messy person. Clothes scattered everywhere around the room, the apartmentâs a mess. One look at Mark and he can tell heâs been going through it, his hair is disheveled, he hasnât shaved in days, and his eyes are tired and puffy from all the crying Jaemin is sure these walls have been witness to.
âI brought you food, I was worried about you,â Jaemin shakes both his hands, the ice inside the tall cups of coffee making noise. âMan, you also need to do your laundry,â he rasps, not able to stop himself, âWhatâs all this?â He points at the few t-shirts and hoodies scattered messily on the couch and any other surface in the living room. Jaemin is sure the bedroom looks even worse, if the living room is presenting itself in these conditions. Thank goodness Mark doesnât cook because the hairs on the back of Jaeminâs neck stand up immediately thinking of the additional mess, that would officially make this place ready to be burned down instead of cleaned.
âItâs Y/n,â Mark mumbles, bringing the collar of his hoodie up to his nose, hiding half of his face in it.
Jaemin looks confused. Is this the place where youâve broken up with him? Did you perhaps raid it out of spite? But youâre so sweet and an angel, really, he canât see you doing this type of stuff.
âY/n? But this is all your stuff laying around,â Jaemin mumbles, furrowing his eyebrows. He really canât understand.
âHow can I do my laundry when these are the only things left for me to remember her by?â Markâs voice breaks, and so does Jaeminâs heart while looking at his friend. âHow would I ever go on with my life if I donât have her by my side, Jaemin?"
Mark inhales sharply before squinting his eyes, and his bottom lip starts quivering. His head falls into his hands, and silent sobs are making his shoulders shake.Â
Jaemin takes pity on him and, after placing the bags on the coffee table, he sits down on the couch next to his friend. He pats Markâs back, trying to comfort him, only for then to literally drag him into his embrace, because he knows Mark needs this right now.
He just hopes youâre doing better than Mark, because itâs only been a few days, but seeing Markâs condition has worry creeping up his spine, and his concerns suddenly know no bounds.
Itâs been four weeks â almost a month â since you took a break from your relationship with Mark.Â
You miss him every day, and your apartment has never been this quiet ever since you moved in, a couple of years ago. But youâve grown strangely accustomed to the silence.Â
Every single item of Markâs is still in the same place he left them in. Except for the cleaning up you had to do around the apartment, the sheets and towels that needed to be changed, you didnât touch anything of his.Â
Mark is in everything around you, everything you notice, everything you see and touch. Heâs in the Andy Williams vinyl, heâs in the sunny side up eggs you sometimes find yourself craving late at night, heâs in the morning coffee and in the late night hot showers. His presence is felt every time you walk by the convenience store around the corner as you make your way home after work, but where you donât stop anymore because every time you did, it was to get him something. Yet in the last few weeks you didnât have much of an appetite.Â
Heâs in everything you spot thatâs blue â his favourite colour. Heâs in every single thing around you somehow, and so is his absence.Â
You didnât keep up with your friends that much. You spoke to Yena a couple of times, Jaemin called once to ask for a film you had recommended him two years ago and you never managed to convince him to watch it, so youâre sure he only called to sense your mood and to check on you without him having to directly tell you thatâs what he was doing. And with the others, they checked on you but you only told them not to worry about you, through text.
You took your distance from all of them , because they might be your friends, but they were Markâs first. And you would never put them between you and Mark, like children between divorced parents. During this break they should be of support to Mark, even if youâre not sure how heâs doing and if he needs any of them to be there for him. He might be doing just well and youâre here worrying about him â and you have a clear answer as to why that is.
Youâre extremely surprised to see Renjunâs contact picture popping up on your screen during your lunch break. You want to ignore it, you want to send him a text in maybe five minutes to tell him youâre in a meeting, but youâre sure he knows your schedule already and heâs aware that youâre on a break right now, and that throwing a lame excuse through text would be absolute bullshit.Â
And thereâs also a bit of anxiety thatâs settling in the pit of your stomach, knowing that he might be calling for an important reason, but then you remember his birthday is in a few days, so you sigh and pick up the call.
âI honestly thought I had to show up to your workplace to talk to you,â he nags as soon as he hears the call going through, âI know youâre on a break right now, Y/n,âÂ
You sigh, âBut I picked up, didnât I?âÂ
âIt took you a long time, though,â he retorts, sighing. You know thereâs no winning when it comes to Renjun, heâll always be the one winning in the end, âWhat are your plans for today?âÂ
You bite your lip, âHome, probably to sleep,â you lie. You havenât been able to sleep more than two hours a night, and youâre not sure how youâre surviving.Â
âGreat,â his response is dry, like thatâs exactly what he needed to hear you say, âYou know how my birthdayâs in three day, right?â He asks, and you hum, already having a faint idea about where this conversation is headed. âCome to my birthday dinner tonight,â heâs demanding, and you know itâs hard to refuse him.
You sigh, bringing a hand to you temple to massage it slowly, âI donât know if I can come, Renj-â
âMark wonât be here,â he interrupts, already knowing your real reason for refusing.
âHe wonât?â You gulp, straightening your back, your ears ringing as you wait for his reply.
He tsks, and you can envision him shaking his head, âHe said he prefers knowing you were the one having a good time,â thereâs something he wants to add, but he hesitates.
âWhat?â Your voice is high in pitch, and your heart sinks to your stomach thinking of Mark choosing not to be with his friends tonight, so you could be the one going instead, âRenjun I donât thi-â
âYou said you werenât doing anything tonight so just come by, for a drink at least!â Heâs using his authoritarian voice on you, and you know heâll start cussing at you soon if you go on to make him angry.
âOkay, okay,â you close your eyes, because you feel so many emotions right now that you might start crying, âIâll come for a quick drink, just text me the details,â
You feel the familiar lump in your throat once again, and itâs like it is already a part of you, with the amount of times you felt it in the past weeks. You stand to your feet, leaving your cubicle behind, and you feel your bottom lip quiver as you make your way towards the restroom.
By the time you enter one of the stalls, tears are already streaming down your face, and you sit on one of the toilets to let all the tears flow freely. You feel like youâre suffocating trying to contain the sobs stuck in your throat, and thereâs an ache inside your chest at the thought of Mark. Youâve never felt this broken, this devastated, and you tried coming to reason that maybe being far and away from him is the best thing for you right now, but you feel like youâre torturing yourself. Youâve never been this miserable, so alone.
The loneliness made your ears ring every single time you heard your neighbours laughing or just talking loudly in the buildingâs hallways. The loneliness physically hurt you every time you laid into bed alone, your muscles aching to be squeezed in the usual warm embrace your body knew so well.
Maybe time will heal your wounds, and maybe time will make it all better. Eventually youâll stop feeling like a ghost roaming around pretending youâre living your life to the fullest â without the man you were once sure was the love of your life.
The rapid steps you take as you walk your way towards the address Renjun texted you earlier are making your cheeks warm up. Youâre a bit late, even if usually youâre not the type, but today you stopped by some shops, buying some flowers and a small gift for Renjunâs birthday, even if he did invite you last minute.Â
Your nostrils flare at the smell of grilled meat and delicious sautĂŠed vegetables you sense once you enter the restaurant, telling the waiter your friends are already here.
The moment they spot you, everyone greets you, their gaze following your every move as you embrace the birthday boy.
âIâm sorry for being late,â you mumble against his shoulder as he squeezes you in his arms, and your eyes are glossy at the contact, and even if these arenât the arms you wanted around your figure right now, theyâre still nice to feel especially after the tough time youâve been having. âThese are for you,â you hand him the bouquet and the small bag youâve been carrying around town, âItâs not much, but itâs your birthday and I stopped by some shops on my way here,â
Renjun kisses your cheek, and he takes a good look at you, eyes scanning your features before he shows you to your seat.
You sit down between Yena and Haechan, and the lump in your throat is once again present knowing youâre sitting next to your boyfriendâs bestest of friends. He should be the one here, sitting in your spot right now, enjoying his friendsâ company. Not you.Â
Guilt eats at you and you feel pressure building behind your eyes once again. Like a sign that he knows youâre not feeling your best and that heâs slightly aware of whatâs going on with you and whatâs happening inside your mind right now, you feel Haechanâs hand patting your back, and you gulp at the feeling of his very warm hand on your cold body.Â
He gives you a warm and reassuring smile as he pours you a glass of wine, and you try your best to calm your nerves.Â
Conversations start awkwardly as you chat with Yena and then with Jeno whoâs sitting across from you, giving you his signature smile more often than usual, and you have a faint idea why that is. No one talks about Mark, like heâs the unnameable, like theyâre doing you a favour not bringing him up, and youâre once again uneasy being around them, guilt making your insides churn.
You donât stay much longer, blaming the fact that you have an important meeting tomorrow â which is totally a lie, but you have to get out of here because you donât want to ruin the mood of the dinner, and something tells you that everyone really sees through you tonight, and even if Renjun and Jaemin do their best trying to convince you to stay a bit longer, to make you eat something at least, you decline nonetheless.
âY/n, wait!â Someone shouts after you as you start walking away from the restaurant. And you turn around to see Jaemin jogging towards you and giving you a smile once he reaches you, âHow⌠how have you been?â He asks, his tone genuine, âYou know what I actually mean,â he makes sure you got everything that his question implies right.Â
You take a big breath, wrapping your arms around your body, âLike shit, to be honest,â youâre truly honest, and he can tell by the way you avert your gaze, looking at something on the ground, eyes all droopy. âHow-â you open your mouth, but your throat becomes dry and you have to pause, âHow is Mark doing?â
Jaemin smooshes his lips in a thin line, and he puts his hands inside the pockets of his jeans. He ran after you to talk to you about this whole situation, and now youâre here making it easier for him.
âI havenât seen him in a few weeks,â he admits, but to his defence, it only happened because Mark agreed to call Jaemin once in a while so his friend could check on him without having to show up, âHe didnât speak to the others, so Iâm the only one whoâs still in contact with him,â
âWhat?â You furrow your brows confused. Mark loves his friends, and to know heâs gone no contact with them itâs making your heart race.
âMarkâŚâ Jaemin has to make a pause, and he brings a hand to his hair, fingers combing through the strands, âMark quit his job,âÂ
âHe what?â You nearly shout, and you have to seal your lips not to ask a billion other questions.
He nods, gulping, âI think it was after the first week into your break, he just showed up to have a talk with the managers and to take his things,â you canât believe Jaeminâs words, and your eyes are starting to brim with tears for the second time today â and then thereâs the night awaiting, and youâre not sure how many times youâll have to dry them off your face.
âI know this is tough for you, and taking this decision wasnât easy. I would never want to be in your shoes and be forced to recur to something like this, but please Y/n, if you can find it in yourself to take a decision soon, for your own good as well as his. You two canât go on like this,â he brings both his hands up to squeeze your arms, âI know itâs tough, but youâre the one who has all the power right now,â
Jaeminâs words echo in your head, and he holds you in his arms as he pats your head, encouraging you to let it all out. Once again, the arms engulfing you in a hug are not the ones you need, but you feel secure and for the first time in the last four weeks, you feel ready for closure.Â
Markâs not sure how he got through the last weeks since he last saw you, since he last heard your voice in person. He finds himself looking through his phone almost every night, listening to your voice messages, watching all the videos you sent each other, even checking the shared folders in his phone, of all the trips and all the events and concerts the two of you attended together, grouping the videos and photos.Â
Heâs also not sure how he plans to go forward. You havenât reached out to him, and the one month mark has already passed. Just thinking of you and how youâre basically refusing to acknowledge his existence makes him want to hurl.
But heâs acknowledged all his mistakes, and quitting his job was the best decision heâs taken. Distancing himself from what â or who, to be precise â caused his relationship to go into shambles was the wisest thing he thinks heâs done in a while. Because he knows that nothing really matters anymore, only you matter, and just the thought of going to work after knowing what caused your rupture drove him insane.Â
He also acknowledges that he was at fault, too. Because if only he listened to you, this wouldnât have happened. If only he took his distance from his coworker, if only he took matters into his own hands and set a healthy boundary, this wouldnât have happened.
Itâs been so long since he felt in touch with reality, and he honestly doesnât know how many times he found himself crying, tears rolling down his face without him realising. Tears of anger, sorrow and despair.
No one heard from you, they didnât know how you were doing. And it lowkey pissed him, because how can his friends say they care for him, but at the same time they wouldnât check on you to see if youâre okay? He couldnât stand having Jaemin at his doorstep too often, feeling like his friend was coming over more for an inspection than to have a normal hangout, whatever normal could mean for Mark nowadays, anyway.Â
So he promised Jaemin heâd call once in three or four days and fill him in on how pathetic his little life is, fill him in on how much he loves you and how much he sobs wanting for you to come back to him. And what pissed him off even more is that, during said phone calls, every time Mark asked his friend if he had reached out to you, the answer was always a negative one.Â
âThen did Renjun or Haechan try reaching out to her?â Mark sniffed into the phone, and Jaeminâs silence made him rasp back to him, âThen donât expect me to call you again if you donât know how my girl is doing. The fuck, Jaemin?â His tone was low, seething with anger, before he switched his phone entirely, not caring to hear another word.
And now heâs still worried sick, because he still knows nothing about you and it has been so long. The uncertainties settle inside of him, inside his bones, and now heâs restless because his mind has to worry for one more reason.Â
No amount of scorching showers or nights spent hugging your pillow could make him feel better. No amount of shed tears could make him stop thinking about you. His entire being is crying for you to give him another chance, and the more time passes, the more Mark is sure you've already thrown his stuff away from your apartment, the more heâs sure that night more than a month ago was the actual breakup and not the two of you just taking a break. Again, Mark remembers how neither of you believed in breaks.
Crying in the shower was the easiest. While pillows were getting damp and t-shirts were getting temporarily stained, the running hot water of the showers he started taking â as a way of feeling closer to you, and remembering the scorching water you liked having on your skin, â was the best choice. He couldnât notice the wet tears in an already wet environment, and blowing his nose had never been easier than just letting the snot run out his nose and into the running water.
He looks at all the t-shirts and hoodies in his laundry basket, already overflowing, because they stopped smelling like you a while ago, but he still didnât find it in himself to put them into the washing machine. Maybe another month has to go by for him to make this transition.
Thereâs a small knock on his door, almost imperceptible if it werenât for the dead silence in his apartment, and heâs already preparing himself to tell Jaemin to piss off. He closes the laundry basket, putting it back in the corner of his bathroom, and he sniffles all the evidence of his earlier melt down in the shower, walking towards the door lazily.
He doesnât even peep before opening, all ready to see Jaeminâs concerned scowl, but Markâs breath catches in his throat the moment his gaze meets yours.Â
You, whoâs standing in front of him now, wearing your comfortable home clothes that you didnât bother changing before showing up to his doorstep.Â
âCan we talk?â You mumble softly, and thereâs something in your gaze that has Mark weak in the knees.
His eyes try to scan yours to get an idea of what it is you might want to talk to him about, but they donât get any clue from you, and he gulps while opening the door for you to step in. Mark is glad he at least cleaned some of the mess away, but heâs sure you can still see the traces of the disastrous way in which heâs been living lately.
His uncertain eyes are glued to your back, and he wants to get closer to you, hug you and never let you go, but heâs not sure if thatâs accepted of him right now.Â
âIâm not sure how to start, to be honest,â you mumble again, turning around to look at him. âNot sure if our relationship can be mended,â you gulp, eyebrows furrowing.
Mark feels light headed all of a sudden. Youâre here, in flesh and bones to tell him what he dreads hearing the most. Itâs really over, and he feels his heart sinking to his stomach. âY/nâŚâ his voice breaks, and you can hear the tears before you can see them.Â
Your head snaps towards his direction, and your gaze meets his. Heâs trying so hard not to let out all the tears suffocating him, all the sobs stuck in his throat, and you bite your lip pitying him â feeling the urge to pat him for comfort, but you resist your instinct, and decide to go on with your explaining instead.
âMaybe I should start with telling you that you betrayed me the moment all of my fears became reality. Maybe I should tell you how it broke me to know you were neglecting me and our relationship because you found comfort being around your coworker,â you start, and Mark recognises youâre getting upset, the soft tone of your voice changed to a slightly more raging one.
âI donât know why I did it, but I swear I never cheated on you,â he finds the voice to answer back to you, even if his tone is soft, uncertain.
âPhysically, you didnât,â you retort, bringing your hands behind your back,
âI know, you explained it to me and I looked into it. And Iâll regret it forever, Y/n,â he remembers thinking youâve just pulled the term out of nowhere when you brought it up in your last fight, right before you said you wanted a break from your relationship with him.
âDo you think taking a break helped us?â You ask, looking into his teary eyes. You hate to see him crying.
âWe donât believe in breaks,â he whispers, averting his gaze so he doesnât start bawling in front of you.
âI heard you quit your job,â you mumble again, and he nods. âWhy did you do that?â
âI knew I couldnât be there anymore,â Mark really wanted to say that he couldnât be there with that one coworker anymore, knowing how right you had always been when it came to her, and it brought to his despair, âI can always get a new job, but I canât possibly get another you,â he gulps, and his head hangs between his shoulders.
âBut you loved your job, Mark!â You retort, almost nagging at him,
He shakes his head, eyebrows furrowing as he takes his hands behind his back â otherwise heâll continue to have the urge to grab you and take you into his arms, âNot as much as I love you,â his reply is simple, it gets straight to the point, âIâm sorry for not showing you how much you meant to me, how much I love you, and Iâm sorry for hurting you,â
You sigh, closing your eyes, âI need you to promise me youâll open up to me more, in the future,â
Markâs head snaps back up to look at you, âWhat?â His tone is high in pitch, almost incredulous.
âI need you to be honest in the future, if you want us to work out,â Your eyes scan his face, and he goes through all the emotions in the book. âI love you, Mark, but I wonât be able to go through this one more time,â you say, alluding to the break, all the heartbreak and all the sadness it brought you.
âWe donât have to go though this again. We wonât, I swear!â His voice is full of newfound confidence after hearing your words, and he takes a few steps towards you, and you allow him to take you into his embrace.
This time, the arms wrapping around you are exactly the ones youâve been needing, the ones your body has been craving for.
Markâs nose is filled with your perfume, and he starts crying at the way your arms wrap around him, squeezing him.Â
âIâm not sure how I survived being away from you for so long,â he mumbles, his nose nuzzling into your hair.
You look up at him, his beautiful and sparkly eyes are droopy from all the crying heâs been doing. He takes a few steps back until his heels touch the foot of the couch, and he sits on the armrest, bringing you after him, entrapping your body with his arms and legs as you stand between them. His face is now to the same level as yours, and it doesnât take you long to grab the sides of his face to bring him in close.Â
He closes his eyes the moment he feels your sweet lips mere centimetres away from his, and his hands roam on your waist and back to keep you as close as possible to him. His lips are devouring yours in a hungry, desperate kiss, that he deepens as soon as you grant him access into your mouth. Youâre so sweet, like everything heâs ever tasted in the past few weeks tasted bland, like your sweetness was everything heâs ever needed.Â
You have to break the kiss when you feel your lungs burning, asking for air, and as much as you love Mark and his obsession with having your lips entrapped in a kiss, heâll have all the time in the world to be all over you, literally.
And his head falls in the crook of your neck, nose nuzzling against your skin and lips giving you small pecks. He inhales your perfume, the scent of your skin, heâs not sure anymore what it is â heâs elated to feel you, to have you back into his arms and into his life.
âI canât believe you quit your job,â you tell him, bringing one of your hands up to play with his now long hair. You hope he knows that getting back together doesnât mean him getting a haircut, at least for now.
âStop saying this,â he commands, giving your hips a warning squeeze. âMy job isnât as important as you are, and I love you too much not to do this for you, for us,âÂ
You kiss him once again, and this time itâs sweet and slow, exactly like your relationship will be from now on.Â
The moment is interrupted as you flinch against his body, after the doorbell startles you. Your boyfriend looks at you, confused, wondering if Jaemin dropped by like he expected just earlier, when he opened the door and the sight of you on his doorstep greeted him.
âOh, yes,â you say, smiling sheepishly at him, âThat must be the delivery guy with our food,â you peck his lips one more time, trying to wipe the confusion off his features, âItâs friday night, after all!â
good morning to me and my few tears
pairing: alien!jisung x human!reader themes: fluff, angst, alien au warnings: abduction, experimentation, imprisonment, execution (sort of?) words: 16k synopsis:Â waking up from the deepest sleep of your life to find out that you had actually been abducted by aliens and were on their ship was not how you had thought your tuesday morning way going to go. but when a shy alien bursts through the door asking for your help you find yourself saying yes. however, as the two of you get closer to each other, you find yourselves uncovering a twisted web of lies that threaten everything the two of you have ever known.âââ
i. good morning sunshine
Your eyes fluttered slightly, the hold that sleep had on you felt much deeper than you were used to. Normally you werenât a seriously heavy sleeper, but somehow you felt absolutely knocked out. You rolled over onto your side, reaching for your duvet to pull it over your head and drown out the sound of your alarm. However, your hand grabbed at empty air instead of your warm covers, causing you to squeeze your eyes further shut in confusion. You must have kicked your duvet off during the night. Annoying, but it wasnât the first time it had happened. You rolled over and buried your face into your pillow, groaning in the usual frustration that came with waking up.
You made no attempt to get up, already tired at the idea of going off to lessons. It was only then, in those seconds you werenât moving, that you took in the silence around you. There was no high pitched repetitive beeping of your alarm, alerting you that it was time to wake up. You couldnât hear your mother downstairs, banging pots and pans around as she made breakfast. There was no shouting from your father as he tried to reason with his business partners over the phone. Nothing. No, your room was completely silent. There was no sign of life anywhere.
Your eyes slowly peeled open, hoping to check the time on your phone by your bed. You flung an arm out, a small yelp leaving you when it hit nothing and instead the momentum of your movement caused you to roll rather ungracefully off your bed.
You landed on the hard ground, confusion and sleep clouding your mind. You must have been lying on the very edge of your bed. But you hadnât fallen out of bed since you were a kid. Also, since when was your bed that small? And your floor somehow didnât feel like carpet anymore?
You pushed yourself up into a sitting position slowly, rubbing the part of your forehead that still dully ached from you not so gently landing on the floor. As your eyes gradually adjusted to the light, you took in your surroundings.Â
The walls and floor were a matching light grey colour. In fact, the entire room was varying shades of grey. You jumped up, practically throwing yourself to your feet, but your body felt like jelly and you stumbled backwards into your bed. You closed your eyes tight, trying to get rid of the black dots slightly clouding your vision. Your control over your body began to come back to you, just as you came to a terrifying realisation.
You had no idea where you were.
Your breath began to shorten as you tried with everything you could to keep yourself calm.
Had you been kidnapped? What kind of place is this? Are they holding you for ransom? Why did they want you? Who on earth could âtheyâ be? How long have you been asleep? How much danger are you in?
Just as these worries began to completely consume you, you heard the door begin to click, signalling what you assumed was a lock. Your eyes shot around the room, looking for anything that could pass as a weapon if you needed. However, the room was minimalist, basically empty, and there was nothing that you would be able to pick up and defend yourself with if you needed. Your heart was pounding so hard you wondered if it would be heard by whoever was trying to get into this room. Whoever had taken you.
Dear god you hoped not.
The door suddenly opened at speed, and a tall figure burst in before shutting it again behind them just as quickly. They turned around as you finally got a look at their face.
It was a boy. He was tall and slim, and staring down at you with his eyes wide with panic. His hair lay messily on his face and you couldnât quite tell if it was a very dark blue, black or purple. It was as if each colour changed with the movement his head made. He kept looking over his shoulder, checking behind him for something before turning back to you. When he spoke his voice was deeper than you were prepared for, the husk in it surprising you. But nothing surprised you as much as the words he spoke.
âYou have no idea how many rules Iâm breaking here but my human studies final is coming up and I really need help because Iâm going to fail it.â
Keep reading
damn i just blushed in 60 different ways and changed hair colours reading this. THIS IS SO FFFFFF GOOD
MOONSTRUCK | p. jisung
pairing: werewolf!hufflepuff! jisung x hufflepuff!fem. reader genre: best friends to lovers, hogwarts/supernatural au, angst, smut. wc: 18.3k+ summary: after a cruel prank leaves jisung cursed, he withdraws from everyoneâincluding you, his closest friend. but secrets can't stay hidden forever, and when a full moon pulls you into the darkness he's tried so desperately to conceal, there's no going back. content warnings: werewolf lore & transformation, drug usage, rut/mating behavior, rough sex, biting/marking, mild breeding kink, oral (f receiving), multiple orgasms, knotting, bulge kink, mentions of bruising & blood, mild body horror, brief medical talk (contraceptive), aftercare. lmk if i missed any! a/n: nearly a month in the making and i can finally say iâm satisfied enough to post this lol. iâm actually really happy with how it turned outâand i finally got to write about werewolves, which has been on my list forever. canonically, werewolves in the HP universe (and most lore tbh) are dangerous nocturnal creatures and primarily bloodthirsty. but for this fic, i took a step away from that and leaned into the rut aspect instead because why not ;) pls donât judge the cover, i had picsart and a dream lol. btw moonstruck by enhypen and nda by billie eilish are two songs u should listen to while reading this!
ps: i donât know why i was under the assumption that everyone knows hp terms but i realized that is not the case after my mark fic đ so even though i didnât use too many obscure ones here, hereâs a little reference guide just in case: legilimensâ someone who can read minds or emotions squibâ a non-magical person born into a magical family (in this fic, itâs thrown around more like calling someone useless/coward) wolfsbaneâ a potion that allows werewolves to keep their mind during a full moon; in hp lore they still transform, but in this fic it's not a full transformation. feel free to message me if anything else was confusing! happy reading<3
You didnât expect your seventh year at Hogwarts to feel like grieving someone who was still alive.
Three months ago, Park Jisung was still your best friend. Now, he canât even stand being near you.Â
The suddenness of this change was something you couldnât wrap around your head. But things donât always fall apart all at once. Sometimes they drift until youâre left staring across a room at someone who used to know everything about you and wondering when they became a stranger.
He was the very first friend you made at Hogwarts. You remember how he barely spoke to anyone, and you sat next to him in Transfiguration class just because there was an empty seat. You charmed your quill into a frog that wouldnât stop croaking, and when he finally cracked a smile, it felt like youâd won something important.
He was awkward and soft-spoken, unsure of himself in the way most boys are before they grow into their limbs. But you liked him instantly. Probably because he liked the same books as you, or because he never made fun of you for being nervous on a broom.Â
He even held your hand during your first flying lesson, hovering near you the whole time so you wouldnât be scared. Years later, you found out he was just as scared of heights as you were and only pretended not to be to make you feel safe.
By fifth year, you spent so much time together that you could finish each otherâs sentences. By sixth, you were bringing blankets to the highest tower in the castle and naming stars until you both fell asleep mid conversation. There wasnât a single version of your life in Hogwarts that didnât include him.
You thought seventh year would be just like thatâŚ.Â
You were wrong.
After a summer of sending each other daily letters, pages and pages of thoughts, jokes, and half-sincere promises to never grow up, you returned to school thinking nothing could change.
And at first, it didnât.
You walked to classes together, fell asleep with your legs tangled on the same couch, pretending not to hear the way people whispered about it the next morning, and snuck out of the common room after curfew not caring that youâd get caught.
The Astronomy Tower was your favorite place, you discovered how pretty it looked at night in your third year.Â
It was quiet that evening, the wind tugging at your robes as you leaned over the battlement. Jisung set down the little paper packet heâd smuggled from the kitchensâhoney biscuits, still warmâand nudged it toward you.
âPayment for helping with my Potions homework,â he said, trying to be casual, though the tips of his ears were already pink.
You laughed and took one, bumping his shoulder with yours. âYouâd owe me a whole bakery if this were the price.â
He smiled softly. The moonlight caught in his hair, and for a second you forgot the chill entirely.
âClose your eyes,â he said suddenly.
You arched an eyebrow but obeyed. Something light, woolâsoft, was placed around your shoulders. You opened your eyes to find his blackâandâyellow scarf wrapped there, smelling faintly of cedarwood soap and parchment inkâpurely, unmistakably Jisung.
âYouâre shivering,â he mumbled, eyes on his shoes. âCouldnât have my starâchart partner freeze.â
You swallowed a reply that felt too big, and instead reached for his hand where it rested on the stone ledge. Your fingers threaded with his, easy as blinking. He stiffened for a second then squeezed back. When you looked up, his gaze was already fixed on you, wide and bright, as though the whole sky were reflected there instead of above your heads.
Neither of you moved for a long while. Orion wheeled overhead, the biscuits cooled, and the castle bells tolled curfew far below. But the only thing you really noticed was the warmth of his palm against yours, and the way your heart tripped every time he glanced your way and smiled shyly.Â
You learned just how softâhearted Jisung was that day on the Astronomy Tower.
Which is why, a few weeks into seventh year, it struck you as utterly wrong when rumors reached you that heâd been seen tagging along behind Lee Seungmin. Seungmin was everything Jisung wasnâtâloud, sharpâtongued, the sort of Slytherin who thought shoving firstâyears into suits of armor was a hobby and swapping curse ingredients under the table was a joke. He hexed quills to peck at classmates and bragged about detentions like they were trophies. Â
Jisung, by contrast, apologized when he bumped into someone and brought extra quills for anyone who forgot theirs. He flinched at raised voices and fed the barn owls after hours because he worried they were lonely.
So hearing his name linked with Seungminâs felt like hearing that rain was falling upward. At first you laughed it off, because surely someone must have mixed him up with another quiet Hufflepuff. But then Jisung started arriving late to meals, dodging your study sessions, mumbling vague excuses youâd never heard from him before.
That was when you realized the rumor wasnât a mistakeâand that something was very, very wrong.
Seventh Year
September settled over the castle in a bright rush of golden leaves and new parchment, and for a while everything felt the way it always had. You and Jisung were crossing the courtyardâstill laughing about his theory that Professor Lockhart polished his hair with Mrs. Skowerâs ExtraâShineâwhen a voice cut through the chatter behind you.
âOi, Park!â
You both turned. Lee Seungmin jogged toward you, grinning widelys. You didnât bother hiding your sigh.
âStill on for tonight?â he asked, dropping his voice as he leaned in toward Jisung.
âIâm not sure. Iâve got a Potions essay to finish.â Jisung shifted akwardly.
Seungmin smacked him on the back, too hard to be friendly. âCome on, youâve bailed twice already.â
You stepped forward, folding your arms. âDonât you have that same essay, Seungmin? Itâs half the term grade.â
He turned, as if noticing you for the first time and smirked âWhy bother? Snapeâs going to fail me anyway.â
âTypical,â you muttered.
âIâll let you know later,â Jisung said quickly, cutting between you before another jab could leave your mouth.
Seungminâs gaze lingered on you, faintly mocking, before he turned away with a humorless laugh. âSure thing, Park.â
The moment he was out of earshot you exhaled. âSince when are you and Seungmin⌠close?â
âWeâre not,â Jisung said, scratching at the back of his neck. âHe just hangs around sometimes.â
You searched his face. âYou two have nothing in common.â
âIt isnât a big deal,â he insisted, but the laugh that followed sounded fake.
âIt is if youâre sneaking off with someone like him,â you said, sharper than you meant to, but the worry was too much to hide.
Jisungâs gaze dropped to his shoes. âI didnât think it was worth mentioning.â
You didnât say anything after that. You just walked the rest of the way to class in silence with a sense of unease settling on your chest.
That was when the distance began to show.
First, he started seating two rows over in Charms, smiling apologetically whenever you glanced his way but never moving back. He stopped leaving crooked little jokes on the margins of your Transfiguration notes or looking at you and trying not to laugh whenever Professor Lockhart messed up a spell.
He still spoke to you, yet every conversation felt stitched together, as if he were acting out a script. One afternoon you finally asked, âAre we all right?â He nodded so quickly you had a hard time believing it.
The next time you saw him with Seungmin it was well past curfew.
You had just left the library after wrestling Arithmancy proofs and stopped short as soon as you rounded the corner near the dungeon stairs. There was Seungmin leaning against the wall and Jisung halfâturned away, both speaking in low murmurs. You caught only fragments of Seungminâs lazy drawl and Jisungâs tight replies. Then Seungmin laughed sharply, and your best friend flinched as though struck.
Your loud footsteps made both of their heads snap up.
âY/N,â Jisung blurted, striding toward you as if to block your view. âWhy are you out so late?â
âI could ask you the same.â You said arching a brow.
Behind him, Seungmin offered a thin grin before slipping down the stairs into the darkness of the dungeons.
Jisung pressed a hand to his eyes. âI was heading back to the dorm.â
âWhat did he want?â
âHeââ Jisungâs voice faltered and for a heartbeat you saw the words gather behind his lips but he swallowed them down. âItâs nothing.â
âNothing?â Your voice cracked on the word. âCome on, Ji.â
âIâm just tired,â he whispered. âCan we talk tomorrow?â
Silence pooled between you, at last you forced a smile neither of you believed. âAll right. Tomorrow.â
But tomorrow never arrivedâat least, not the kind where he told you what was wrong.
Because the next day Jisung never came to class at all.
Two whole days slid by without a glimpse of him and you were so on edge you kept glancing over your shoulder, halfâexpecting his soft voice behind you. Or hoping he might walk into the library with that shy lopsided smile, asking if you had spare parchment which he always ran out of because his handwriting was too big and messy.
But he wasnât anywhere, and no one seemed willing to notice besides you.
By lunch on the second day you couldnât keep silent. Renjun was halfway through a Honeydukes bar, mumbling that chocolate boosted cognitive function, when you leaned across the table and murmured, âDo you know whatâs going on with Jisung?â
He froze midâbite. âWhat?â
âRenjun,â you said, low and tight, âyou know he hasnât been to class, or in the common room. He isnât anywhere.â
âI thought he was sick,â Renjun offered with a shrug that felt rehearsed.
âHe isnât in the hospital wing, and he hasnât answered any of my owls.â
A flicker of something, maybe guilt, crossed his face. âMaybe he just⌠needs space?â
Your gaze sharpened. âDid something happen?â
âNo,â he blurted too fast. âNo, not that I know of.â
âRenjun.â
âI swear, I donât know.â He wouldnât meet your eyes. That was answer enough, but you let it drop for now.
That evening, heading back from a prefect meeting, you passed the hidden entrance to the Slytherin common room and heard voices up the corridor.
You werenât trying to eavesdropâuntil one word snapped you still.
âJisung.â
âSnape got to him beforeââ
ââthought he was going to die, mateââ
ââSeungmin wonât shut up, keeps saying it wasnât meant to go that farââ
A rush of blood pounded in your ears as you picked up bits of the hushed conversation. You edged closer and caught sight of Jay and NikiâSeungminâs friendsâhalf hidden in the shadows, whispering behind cupped hands.
Your fingers curled into fists at your sides. Your thoughts finally being confirmed; Something happened to Jisung and Seungmin was at the heart of it.
You didnât sleep a minute that night. Every time you shut your eyes, the conversation replayed in your head until dawn bled through the curtains and you were already out of bed, fury keeping you upright.
You found Seungmin loitering outside the Great Hall, laughing too loudly at something Jay and Niki had said. You crossed the marble floor without a second thought.
âWhere is he?â
The smile slipped from Seungminâs face. He cocked his head, all polite confusion. âSorry, whereâs who?â
âDrop the act,â you said, stepping close enough that he had to tilt his chin to keep eye contact. âI heard your lackeys talking last night. Whereâs Jisung?â
Jay and Niki exchanged a look but said nothing..
Seungmin gave a thin, brittle laugh. âYouâre hearing ghosts, sweetheart. Why would I bother with Park?â
âA better question,â you started, voice cold, âis why youâve been so attached to him lately. You donât exactly run in the same circles, so what did you talk him into?â
Something sharpened in Seungminâs eyes and he leaned in by a fraction. âCareful with what youâre accusing me of.â
âOr what?â You didnât move. âYouâll do to me what you did to him?â
For a heartbeat his mask slipped, just long enough to confirm youâd scored a direct hit.
âI didnât touch him,â he said, almost gently. âWhatever mess Parkâs in? He walked into it himselfâ
âLiar.â
He dipped his head, a mockâsympathetic smile curling at his mouth. âYou think you know him so well, huh? Ever think that maybe he finally got tired of you shadowing him like a needy bitcââ
Your wand was at his throat before the last word finished leaving his lips. The corridor went silent except for your breathing.
âYou know nothing about us,â you said, voice shaking with contained fury. âIf heâs hurt, Iâll make sure everyone here knows exactly whose fault it is.â
Seungminâs gaze flicked to the tip of your wand, then back to your face. A slow, poisonous smile spread. âAsk too many questions, Y/N, and you might choke on the answers.â
He stepped back with his hands raised in surrender, and strolled away. Jay and Niki followed in uneasy silence. You lowered your wand, fingers trembling with adrenaline.
His parting smile told you everything about his involvement. But you still didnât have clear answers.
So you went to seek the other person allegedly involved. Snape.
When you descended into the dungeons, the silence was immediate and unnatural. No one ever came this far during free periods; only Professor Snapeâs office existed at the end of this corridor, buried deep in the coldest, most isolated part of the castle.
Faint green flames floated midair along the walls, suspended in enchanted sconces that made no sound and cast no warmth. They pulsed gently, like breathing, and their glow warped the stone around them, making the shadows twist in ways that defied logic.
You hated it down here. Even now, in your seventh year, walking this corridor alone made your heart thud against your ribs like it wanted you to turn back.
But you were desperate.
Snape looked up slowly when you stepped into his office without knocking, his quill pausing mid-sentence on the parchment. His expression went from mildly irritated to coldly displeased in an instant.
âIs knocking a forgotten concept these days?â he said dryly.
âProfessor,â you began quickly, not even trying to hide the urgency in your voice. âI need to talk to you.â
Snape set down his quill, arching a single eyebrow. âThen I suggest you start talking, and make it quick.â
You swallowed. âItâs about Jisung⌠Park Jisung. Heâs been missing for days, and no one seems to know anything. Or at least, theyâre pretending they donât.â
His gaze sharpened and for a second, you thought you saw a flicker of caution behind his eyes before he quickly masked it.
âI fail to see why youâre bringing this to me,â he said coolly, leaning back in his chair. âMissing students are a matter for the headmaster.â
âDonât,â you snapped before you could stop yourself. Snapeâs eyes narrowed dangerously, but you pressed forward anyway. âI overheard some students talking. They mentioned your nameâŚsaid you found Jisung somewhere. Something happened to him, didnât it?â
Snapeâs eyes flashed briefly. âAnd you believe the idle gossip of students becauseâŚ?â
âJisung wouldnât just disappear on his own like that. I know something happened to him,â you shot back, voice shaking. âAnd I believe you know exactly what.â
He watched you silently for a moment. You could feel him weighing something behind his guarded stare. Finally, he exhaled sharply.
âMiss Y/N,â he began slowly, voice heavy with thinly veiled warning, âthere are things within these castle walls and beyond them that you are better off not knowing.â
âThatâs not your choice to make,â you said immediately.
âOn the contrary,â he replied calmly. âIt is precisely my choice. And you will do well to remember that.â
Your fists clenched at your sides, frustration prickling hot behind your eyes. âProfessor, please. Jisungâs my best friend. If heâs hurt⌠if somethingâs happened⌠I need to know.â
Something shifted in Snapeâs expression at your words, almost looked like regret. When he spoke, his voice was almost gentle, which frightened you more than his scorn.
âSometimes the worst harm you can do to someone is to keep prying.â
He paused, holding your gaze steadily. âPark is alive. That is all you need to know. Now leave.â
You stood frozen for a second, his words sinking in painfully. Jisung was aliveâyet somehow, that felt worse. It meant something had happened⌠Something terrible.
Your jaw tightened. âYou canât keep this hidden forever,â you whispered fiercely.
He leaned forward, eyes piercing yours in the darkness of the room.
âWeâll see.â
You turned away, storming from his office without looking back. Snape hadnât denied anything which meant thereâd definitely been an incident and it was serious enough that Jisung couldnât be seen right now. He was alive, but he was hurt, and whatever happened to him was being deliberately hidden.
A few days later
The day started like any other.
You pushed cold eggs across your plate, half listening to Renjunâs gentle attempts at conversation while the Great Hall hummed as if a student hadnât been missing for a week. But suddenly, a hush rolled through the room.
You felt Renjun touch your arm.
âY/N.â
You looked up, and followed his gaze toward the doors. The breath caught in your throat.
Jisung was standing just inside the oak doors.
He was bent at the shoulders, eyes flicking over the Hall as if he didnât remember ever being there before. His robes hung wrinkled and loose and there were red scratches carved along his neck and cheek. He was paler than before and the shadows beneath his eyes made him look years older than when youâd last seen him.
Without greeting anyone, he drifted to the far end of the Hufflepuff table nowhere near his usual seat beside you.
You were on your feet before the thought finished forming.
Renjun caught your wrist. âY/N, maybe waitââ
You shook him off and crossed the hall, every step echoing in the sudden quiet.
âJisung?â
He flinched but kept his gaze on the empty plate. âNot now, Y/N.â
âYouâve been gone a week,â you whispered, voice trembling. âI was so worriedââ
âI said not now.â The snap in his voice was sharp enough to cut. He glanced up and the terror in his eyes chilled you to the bone.
You reached for him, but he stood so abruptly your balance faltered. Without another word he strode the length of the hall and disappeared through the doors, leaving a silence that seemed to bend the rafters.
You stood frozen, heat flushing your face as dozens of eyes slid away. Renjun appeared at your elbow and talked softly. âLet him breathe.â
You nodded, though the emptiness in your chest insisted otherwise.
Jisung returned to lessons, but only in body. He answered professors in oneâword murmurs and offered classmates strained smiles that meant please donât talk to me. At meals he sat alone, two yards of empty bench marking the space where laughter used to live.
He moved faster when he saw you in the corridors. He no longer waited outside classrooms or drifted toward your chair in the library. His robes hung loose as if heâd lost weight along with sleep, and his hands shook whenever he raised his wand. Sometimes you caught him staring through stone walls at something only he could see.
You tried with soft hellos in the common room, and owls folded with careful questions but every attempt slid off the wall heâd built overnight. The harder you reached, the farther he retreated, until all that remained between you was silence and the memory of how easily youâd once shared the same breath.
2 days later
Jisung sat on the edge of his bed, head buried in his shaking hands. His palms were marked with crescent-shaped indentations from how hard he was clenching his fists.
He kept hearing it.
The snap of branches in pitch-black darkness. The sickening crunch of claws sinking into damp earth. The guttural snarl vibrating through his bones moments before razor-sharp teeth pierced his shoulder. The thick warmth of blood soaking through his robes.
Sometimes it came to him in dreams. Other times, heâd be awake, in class, or walking down the corridor. A sound, or a smell and he was back in the forest.
Snape had said the wolfsbane would help and it had in a way. At least, it kept the full transformation at bay. But it didnât stop the memories, it didnât quiet the noise in his head.
His senses were too sharp now, every creak of the floorboards, every flicker of candlelight, every rustle of parchment felt louder. Sometimes he thought he could hear peopleâs heartbeats, smell their sweat before they entered a room. His insides constantly felt overwhelmed with unbearable energy. He felt trapped in his own skin, moments away from tearing free of himself. Sometimes he felt too much, and other times⌠he felt nothing at all.
Worst of all, though, was you.
He couldn't stand to be near you anymore. Not because he didn't want to, but because your scent now stirred something dangerous within him. It made his chest ache unbearably, tightened his throat with longing and thirst.
A part of him urged him to get far away from you. But another darker, more primal part whispered the opposite⌠to scent you, to sink into you, to lose control entirely. But he refused to drag you into his nightmare. He wouldn't allow it, no matter how much it tore at him.
He could remember most of what led him into the forest, up to a certain point.
He remembers Seungmin saying he wanted to hang out and they met near the edge of the Forbidden Forest, where one of the slytherins handed out something called shadeleaf. It was an iridescent petal folded into itself like a capsule. Illegal, of course. Banned by the ministry for its hallucinogenic properties and its tendency to react differently based on magical affinity.
Jisung didn't even know why he was there. This wasnât his scene at all. The guys were drinking something out of a flask that smelled like burnt sugar and smoke. Jay was lighting up a rolled spell-scroll with charmed embers. Niki already looked half out of it, eyes glazed.
When Seungmin started showing an interest in him a few weeks ago, Jisung had been flattered. He'd only ever made two close friends at Hogwarts, so someone new noticing him felt good. That was the only reason he went along with him. He wanted to be accepted.
âIs it safe?â Jisung asked nervously.
âCome on, park,â Niki chuckled, placing a shimmering petal on his tongue. âDonât be a Squib.â
âWhat's the worst that could happen?â Seungmin grinned, handing one to him. âYou trip a bit? See some weird shit? Wake up with a headache?â
Jisung hesitated, staring at the thing in his palm. It pulsed faintly with a color he didnât have a name for.
He didn't want to do it, but they were all watching him. So he took it.
The effects hit almost instantly. His vision went fuzzy first; he could only see edges warping and light bending at impossible angles. Then his tongue tingled and throbbed, and his body felt too hot.
âShit, this is strong,â Jay laughed.
âItâs not that bad,â Seungmin said, puffing from the smoldering scroll between his fingers.
None of them looked as affected as Jisung.
"Come on, Park," Seungmin said, draping an arm casually yet firmly around Jisungâs shoulders. "Thereâs a spot a little deeper in. We hang out there all the time."
Jisung couldnât hear properly anymore, everything sounded underwater. He followed anyway.
He couldnât say how long they walked. It felt like hours, though in reality it was probably mere minutes before his knees gave out, sending him sprawling onto the cold forest floor. His head spun violently, vision fractured.
He tried to speak, to call out but his voice didn't work, the forest blurring darker and darker until only silence and blackness swallowed him whole. He didnât know when they left him. Just that at some point, he was alone.
The last thing he remembers was seeing bright, yellow eyes and feeling immense painâŚ
He woke up choking on his own blood.
His body jerked violently, lungs burning as he struggled to take in air. He felt strong hands grip his shoulders, pulling him upright with urgency. Through blurry, half-open eyes, he caught the outline of a wand glowing faintly in the dark. He barely recognized the familiar cadence of Professor Snapeâs voice echoing through the haze.
âPark⌠Can you hear me?â Snapeâs voice was clipped, edged with tension heâd never heard before.
Jisung managed only a strangled groan. He couldnât speak, his throat was raw, filled with the metallic tang of blood. Breathing felt impossible, each gasp shallow and painful, as if his lungs were full of lead. He felt wetness soaking through his clothes and pooling beneath him. He didn't know if it was sweat or blood. Probably both, his clouded mind whispered darkly.
He was certain of only one thingâhe was going to die here.
âYouâve been attacked,â Snape explained urgently, casting quick charms that rippled warmly across Jisungâs battered body. âI need you to remain as still as possible while I attempt to slow the bleeding.â
The word attacked echoed faintly in Jisungâs mind. Attacked by what? His thoughts swirled sluggishly. He couldnât focus enough to piece anything together.
Snape pressed a small vial to his lips. The Hufflepuff hesitated, eyes flickering up weakly, his question dying soundlessly on cracked lips.
Snape seemed to understand instantly. âItâs Wolfsbane.â
The word crashed over Jisung with crushing weight, his mind snapping painfully back to clarity. Wolfsbane. A potion forâŚ
His stomach twisted violently, nausea gripping him as realization cut sharply through the fog in his mind.
Heâd been attacked by a werewolf.
It felt impossible. He wanted to deny it, wanted to believe it was just some twisted nightmare brought on by the drugs heâd foolishly taken. But the pain burning through his shoulder and the dark, grim expression on Snapeâs face all made denial impossible.
With trembling lips, Jisung allowed Snape to tip the bitter potion into his mouth, grimacing weakly as he forced himself to swallow it down. It tasted vile but he had no energy left to protest.
He collapsed back against the cold forest floor, limbs heavy, vision fading once more as Snape continued muttering charms, trying to keep him tethered to consciousness.
âStay with me, Park,â Snapeâs voice commanded, sharp but oddly comforting. âYouâre not going to die tonight.â
But Jisung wasnât sure he believed him.
The darkness rushed back in, heavy and thick, pulling him under again as Snapeâs frantic movements blurred and faded away.
His memory is fuzzy from then on.
One moment he was lying in the dirt, blood soaking the ground beneath him. The next, he was being levitated through narrow hallways, his body wrapped in magic and warding charms.
The room was dark, except for a wandlight hovering near the ceiling. He was placed on a dusty mattress on the floor. His skin felt stiff with blood, every muscle felt like it had been peeled apart and sewn back together with barbed wire.
He recognized the Shrieking Shack from an article heâd read once about the most haunted places on Earth. Thatâs where they were right now.
The shack was colder than he imagined. This was the place they used to tell ghost stories about in the common room. The place kids dared each other to peek into on Hogsmeade weekends. It smelled like old wood and dust. Snape moved through it like heâd been here beforeâlike this was routine.
He cast a dozen silent spells before even speaking. Layers of enchantments wrapped around the rotting floorboards, the shattered furniture, the warped windows.
âYou must take this Wolfsbane every day,â Snape said curtly, setting a tray on the floor beside the creaking mattress. âOr Iâll force it down your throat.â
Jisung didnât answer. Snape paused, studying him with that unreadable stare.
âYouâll stay here until the full moon passes,â he said. âYouâll say nothing when you return.â
Jisung blinked slowly, the weight of it sinking into his bones. âWhen you return⌠or Ifâ.
Then Snape turned to go but he stopped in the doorway.
âYou are not the first,â he said, voice low. âIt will be painful but youâll survive.â
And with that, he was gone.
The silence was the most unbearable part of being in the Shack. Not even the pain or the way Jisungâs bones ached like they were preparing to snap apart. It was the silence that made him feel like heâd go crazy any minute.
He tried to sleep, but whenever he tried heâd blink awake to phantom sensations of fur brushing his skin, fangs pushing against his teeth, and a sweet scent of honey curling through the cracks in the floorboards.
It wasnât the full moon yet but his body was already responding to it. The Wolfsbane kept him from changing completely, but it didnât stop everything. His skin itched as if it was being stretched and he realized heâd grown a few inches taller overnight. His eyes were also becoming sensitive to even the faintest flickers of light, and they were a dark shade of yellow that glowed whenever the moonlight hit them.
It mightâve been on the second night or the third, he couldnât remember well, but Snape came in and told him that the full moon would be at its peak and he would feel the effects more despite the potion.
Jisung lasted about two hours before the pain began. It wasnât sudden. It crept in slowly, like frostbite, numbing his fingers first. Then his wrists and his legs. He thought maybe this was itâmaybe heâd just fade out before anything happened. Then it spread up his spine and into his skull, where it bloomed behind his eyes like fire.
The pain was so much bigger than his body. It burned and it shredded him, as if his bones were being broken and rebuilt at the same time, like his skin wasnât big enough to hold him anymore. He scratched at his own arms until his nails cracked and bled. It got so unbearable he slammed his head against the wall hoping he would knock himself out but he couldnât.
He clawed at the walls, tore at the floorboards and bit into the wood until his mouth filled with splinters and blood. He howled until his throat tore raw. And still, it didnât stop
He lost count of how many times his limbs broke and reformed. His jaw cracked open so wide he thought it might dislocate, teeth pushing through bloody gums. He was sobbing or at least, he thought he was. It was hard to tell over the sound of his own growling.
The transformation stopped halfway and started again the next day. He never fully transformed but he felt the pain of his body trying to fight against it every single time.
He stopped counting days after that.
Hunger and exhaustion tangled with grief and fear until all that was left was the throb of his body and the steady hum of magic in his blood. He didnât think about the pain anymore. Or the bite. Or Seungmin. Or the forest.
Mostly, he thought about you.
He tried not to, but you wouldnât leave him. Your face, your laugh, your voice, it all circled him like the moonlight through the slats in the wall.
The way the thought of you made his body burn now.The way your honeyed scent used to be comforting but now made his lungs tighten and his mouth water. He didnât understand why he was feeling this way.
On the seventh day he woke up soaked in sweat, shivering uncontrollably. The moon had passed. He could feel it in the way the ache in his bones was retreating and his mind was clearer.
Snape arrived at dawn.
He said nothing about the mess of blood and broken furniture in the room. He just studied Jisung who was sitting slumped against the wall. He pulled out his wand and started casting diagnostic spells over his body.
âYouâll return to class tomorrow,â he said. âIf anyone asks, you were ill.â
Jisung didnât move.
Snape continued impassively. âYou are not to mention the Wolfsbane, the forest, or what youâve become. Do you understand?â
Jisung finally looked at him, barely able to lift his head properly. âThatâs it? Just⌠go back like nothing happened?â His voice came out hoarse.
Snapeâs eyes narrowed faintly. âNo. That is not it.â
He stepped closer.
âYou will take your potion every cycle, no matter what. And you will not seek out the other boys involved, nor will you retaliate.â
Jisungâs jaw clenched. He wanted nothing more than to rip Seungminâs throat apart, but he knew that was just the wolf thinking.
âAnd most importantly, you will stay away from her.â Snape said, his voice dropping at the last word.
Jisung sat up sharply, knowing exactly who he was referring to. âWhy?â
The professorâs expression didnât soften. âBecause the wolf doesnât care that sheâs your friend. It doesnât care about boundaries or guilt or decency. It responds to need.â
Jisungâs chest tightened, throat dry.
âThe first few transformations are the worst,â Snape continued, pacing slowly now. âYour body hasnât adjusted. Your instincts havenât aligned with your mind. You will feel urgesâŚviolent, territorial, carnal urges that you canât control. Those urges will turn into fixations... Especially for someone you already had feelings forâ
âI donâtââ Jisung started.
âYou donât need to lie, Mr. Park.â Snape cut him off, âI am a very skilled Legilimens, you know? I can see your mind and I see how itâs filled with thoughts of her.â
Jisung looked away, jaw trembling slightly. Snape stopped in front of him.
âHer scentâ he said quietly. âIt already triggers you, doesnât it?â
Jisung didnât answer. That sweet scent of honey and parchment that he kept smelling through the rotting floors and the dried blood, he figured out it was you. It reminded him of that night at the Astronomy tower.The Shrieking Shack might be a few miles away from Hogwarts castle but he could still somehow smell you.
âYou feel it in your chest, in your teeth, in your gutâ Snape said, voice like a scalpel. âYou want her.â
Jisungâs breathing picked up.
âThat is the beginning of your rut.â
âRut?â he repeated, barely above a whisper.
Snape nodded. âItâs a biological response. Wolves enter a heightened state after the full moon cycle. Some experience it more than others, especially younger ones whoâve recently turnedâ
Jisungâs heart was pounding now, nauseatingly fast.
âYou may feel sudden impulses or worse you might want to act on those impulses.â
He felt sick. âIâm notâ I would never hurt her.â
âIâm not concerned about your intentions,â Snape said coldly. âIâm concerned about your self control. A werewolfâs instincts are hard to resist and if you lose control, Mr. Park⌠She will pay the price.â
âSo stay away from her,â Snape said with finality. âItâs the only way to keep you both safe.â
Jisung sat there shaking, the weight of what heâd become pressing down on his spine like a second body.
He couldnât go back. Not like this.
âIâm not ready,â he said hoarsely.
Snape didnât turn. He stood by the window, watching the last of the night dissolve into grey morning.
âYou wonât ever be,â he said simply.
Jisung clenched his jaw. âI donât want to see her. Or anyone. IâI canât trust myself.â
âYou must learn to live with your current situation.â
âWhy canât I just⌠stay here?â
Snape turned at that. His eyes were cold and calculating.
âBecause people are already asking questions,â he said. âStudents, staff. Your friend.â
Jisungâs heart stuttered at that.
âSheâs worried,â Snape continued. âRightfully so. You disappeared without warning. Sheâs been to my office several times. Sheâs even confronted the student who got you into this predicament, pulled out a wand at him. I donât know how much longer I can keep her from endangering herself trying to find you.â
Jisung lowered his head, guilt flooding every nerve.
âRumors are spreading, too.â Snape added. âA few students are saying they saw you with Mr. Lee that night. Some think you were injured, others that youâre in trouble. Youâve already been gone too long.â
Jisung swallowed hard. âSo I just walk into the Great Hall acting like Iâm normal?â
Snape didnât blink. âYes.â
His stomach turned. âAnd if someone sees the scars?â
âYouâll say you had an accident in the forest.â
âAnd youâll back me up?â he asked bitterly.
âIf I must.â
Jisung exhaled shakily. âAnd Y/N? Weâweâre always together, sheâll find it weird if I suddenly cut her offâ
âYouâll keep your distance regardless. If she asks questions, you deflect. If she pushes, you walk away. Youâre not safe around herâ
He bit his lip hard, so hard it almost bled. âSheâll know somethingâs wrong.â
âThen hope sheâs smart enough not to get too close.â
The doors to the Great Hall had never felt so heavy. Jisung stood in front of them for nearly five minutes, staring at the carved wood. Behind them, he heard laughter, casual conversation, normalcy.
He wasnât ready.
But Snapeâs words echoed in his skull.
"Youâve already been gone too long."
He took a breath and pushed them open.
All the noise overcame him like a wave, the plates clinking, voices overlapping, owls fluttering through the rafters. It all felt loud in a way it hadnât before, as if someone had turned the worldâs volume up just to punish him.
He kept his head low and his pace steady. One foot in front of the other. Just like Snape said. Act like nothing happened.
He could feel all eyes on him almost instantly. First years stopping mid-bite and a few seventh-years whispering across the Gryffindor table. Someone, he thought maybe Jay, froze with a goblet halfway to his lips.
And then you. He didnât have to loo, he felt the second your eyes landed on him, making something twist deep in his chest. That same unbearable tightness heâd felt in the shack whenever he let himself think about you. About your laugh echoing across the common room. About your fingers brushing his when you passed him a quill and how it used to mean nothing, and now it meant everything.
He knew youâd notice the hollow look in his eyes, the bruises blooming like violets on his neck and the bandage peeking out from beneath the collar of his robes. Youâd find it weird that he didnât sit near you, didnât even glance your way. But he tried to ignore those thoughts and just focus on the plate in front of him even though his stomach turned at the smell of food.
You stared at him from your seat. It took you several long, painful seconds to process what you were seeing.
Jisungâyour best friend, whoâd been missing a week without a wordâjust walked into breakfast looking like heâd seen hell and barely made it back out.
His robes were loose like heâd lost weight and his eyes were ringed with dark circles, exhaustion written clearly in every line of his face. There were cuts visible, thin red marks down his jaw, a deeper scar stretching beneath his collar, fading bruises on the backs of his hands. His hair was tangled, his posture painfully tense.
You felt a sick sense of relief after seeing him, despite his appearance. But most of all you felt angry. You felt everything all at once, a hot rush of emotions almost too intense to handle.
Jisung avoided your gaze completely. He picked at the food in front of him, not really eating, just pushing it around his plate.
He felt you approaching before you spoke. Your scent hit him first, warm and familiar, yet unbearably intense. His jaw clenched tight, fingers curling into fists beneath the table. He didnât look up even when you stood near him. He simply couldnât trust himself to see your face and not fall apart.
You called his name quietly and he almost cried at the sound of your voice. But he didnât move, not even when you stepped closer.
Slowly, he raised his head, gaze finally meeting yours You went still, eyes widening just slightly. He knew instantly what you sawâthe darkness in his stare, the shadowed bruises, the fresh scars. The way he looked wrong.
He couldnât bear your pained eyes, so he snapped at you. Something heâd never do before, but Snape told him to deflect. So he yelled and walked away, trying to ignore how hurt you looked.
This was what Snape meant. Youâre not safe around her.
You couldnât eat after that. Not with the way heâd looked at you.
Jisung had always been soft-spoken, a little awkward, a little shyâbut never cold. And you didnât need a Healer to tell you that whatever heâd gone through wasnât some stomach bug or routine cold. You werenât stupid.
You saw the tremble in his fingers when he reached for his fork. You saw the way he flinched when someone behind him dropped their goblet. You saw the bruises just under his collar and the bandages.
Something happened to him.
You sat back down but your heart was still up at the other end of the table with him.
âI need to know,â you murmured, more to yourself than to Renjun.
He sighed. âY/NâŚâ
âDonât say it,â you snapped quietly. âDonât say I should give him time. Donât say heâll come around. I know him, Renjun. Heâs scared. You donât just disappear for a week and come back with claw marks on you neck.â
Renjun went quiet.
That silence told you more than anything else.
âOkay, Iâm tired of this⌠You know something, donât you?â
He avoided your gaze. âItâs not my place to say.â
That hurt. âIs it mine to not know?â
You stood abruptly, grabbing your bag. âIf no oneâs going to tell me the truth, Iâll figure it out myself.â
Over the next few days, you tried to get close to Jisung in every way you could think of. You waited for him outside the greenhouses after Herbology, hoping to catch him alone. You switched seats in Charms just to be nearer, and sometimes you even loitered in the corridor after Potions, telling yourself youâd walk him back to the common room.
Despite your best efforts, he continually slipped away.
He offered awkward excuses about having somewhere to be, or sometimes said nothing at all and just walked past. Most of the time, he barely managed to look at you, as if doing so caused him physical pain. This wasnât an icy kind of avoidance, nor was it tinged with anger. It felt worse than either of those possibilitiesâit was as though he found everything about you unbearable, but still couldnât muster the energy to explain why.
Once, you nearly cornered him after lunch. He was leaning against the corridor wall outside the Great Hall, head tipped back, looking utterly exhausted. In that unguarded moment, your eyes met his, and you thought you glimpsed your old friend beneath the tension he carried. Summoning the nerve youâd been collecting all day, you stepped forward.
âCan we talk?â you asked softly.
For a split second, it seemed like he might say yes. His mouth opened as though he wanted to form the words but then Professor Snapeâs voice echoed from behind you.
âMiss Y/N.â
You turned around to find Snape standing there, unruffled as always, robes hanging in sharp lines. He inclined his head in an almost polite manner yet still carried the weight of an order.
âI need you to come to the dungeons,â he said in a measured tone. âThere are ingredients that require sorting. I trust your handwriting is still legible.â
You tried to protest, but as soon as you turned back, Jisung had vanished. From that moment on, it became a pattern: every time you got too close to him, Snape appeared with some new task for youâan extended office hour to discuss a mistake in an essay, a request to reorganize outdated potions, or a perfectly timed interruption just as you were about to speak with Jisung privately.
On a rational level, you knew it was ridiculous to think Snape was orchestrating this on purpose; however, it was impossible to ignore how consistently he managed to swoop in whenever you finally had a chance to approach Jisung alone. You didnât know why your professor was so intent on calling you away, and truthfully it wasnât the main issue gripping your mind.
All you could focus on was Jisung.
He looked so differentâworn down, scared, ashamed, like he was carrying a secret that weighed on his shoulders every moment of the day. Every time you tried to reach him, he withdrew further. It broke your heart, because you werenât trying to fix him or make him talk if he didnât want to. You just wanted to be there, to stand by him instead of watching from a distance.
Yet no matter how hard you tried, the boy who used to seek you out for study breaks and late-night jokes now seemed determined to avoid you. And the more distance he forced, the more you wanted to find out what had really happened, because this Jisungâthe one who flinched when you spoke and looked away when you caught his eyeâfelt like a stranger wearing your best friendâs face.
It was late, far too late for anyone else to be out of bed. So when you heard commotion up in the Astronomy Tower during one of your prefect rounds, you instinctively climbed the stairs to inspect, your wand held loosely in your fingertips.
The castle had felt too quiet lately. Ever since Jisung came back, everything had been off balance. Youâd even taken extra patrols just to keep your mind busy. You werenât expecting to find anything up there except maybe a few rowdy owls.
But when you pushed open the heavy wooden door to the Astronomy Tower, you froze at the sight.
Jisung was there, hunched against the railing, his robes half-open, hands gripping the stone balustrade so tightly you saw his knuckles pale even from across the room.
"Jisung?" you said softly, hesitant.
His head snapped up instantly, and your breath caught in your throat.
His eyes were wild, pupils blown wide, irises shimmering unnaturally gold beneath the moonlight. Sweat gleamed across his pale forehead, his hair was messy and damp, sticking to his face. His breathing came harsh and fast, almost feral.
You took a cautious step forward. "Jisung, are you okay?"
"Stay back," he choked out, voice strained and rough. "Don't come closer."
But you saw the tremble in his arms, the feverish brightness in his eyes. He looked sick. He looked scared.
"Whatâs wrong? Let me helpâ"
"No." He shook his head violently, squeezing his eyes shut as if fighting himself. "You can'tâI'm notâ"
He trailed off, stumbling forward as if pulled by some invisible force toward you. He was breathing heavily, lips parted as he seemed to taste the air between you.
"Jisungâ"
Your voice cut off as his gaze snapped sharply to yours again, something raw and dangerous flaring in his eyes. It sent a shiver racing down your spine, and you instinctively backed away half a step.
"Leave," he hissed, the word barely recognizable through his clenched teeth. His whole body seemed rigid with tension. "Please, leave beforeâ"
He broke off with a gasp, doubling over as though a wave of pain had just wracked through him.
You rushed forward instinctively, panic clouding your caution. "Jisung!"
He moved faster than your eyes could track. One moment he was curled into himself and the next he had you pinned against the cold stone floor, wrists pressed tightly beside your head, his face inches from yours, breath hot and erratic against your neck.
"Jiâ" Your voice cracked. "What are youâ"
He inhaled deeply against your throat, his body trembling against yours. "God, you smell soâ" His voice was ragged and broken, almost a sob. "I can'tâI can't stop it, Iâ"
He pressed closer instinctively, hips pinning you hard against the floor. His lips grazed roughly against your neck, sharp teeth skimming dangerously along your pulse point. Your heart slammed against your ribs, fear tangled confusingly with something hot in your lower belly.
"Jisung, please," you whispered, half plea, half gasp. "You're scaring me."
Those words seemed to pierce through whatever haze had overtaken him. He jerked back, eyes wide, suddenly horrified at himself. His gaze flicked down to your wrists, already bruising beneath his grip, and he stumbled away as if burned.
"No," he whispered, horror and guilt bleeding openly into his expression. "I didn'tâI wouldn'tâ"
You stayed frozen on the floor, chest heaving as you watched the agony twist across his face.
"Whatâs happening to you?" you breathed, sitting up slowly.
He stared at you, anguished, hands still trembling at his sides.
"I'm sorry," he whispered brokenly. "IâI'm so sorry."
Before you could say another word, he turned sharply and bolted down the stairs, leaving you alone, shaking, and terrified.
The Hufflepuff common room was quiet when you walked in. Most students had gone to bed, but Renjun sat alone on the couch.
You didnât give him a chance to pretend he didnât see you coming.
âYouâre going to tell me what happened.â
Renjun sighed, not looking away from the fire. âY/NâŚâ
âNo,â you said, standing in front of him. âNo more deflecting. Youâve known something since the day he came back.â
He rubbed his hands over his face. âI donât know the whole story.â
âThen tell me what you know.â
Silence.
You crossed your arms. âDo you really think Iâm going to stop asking? Youâve seen him. You know heâs not okay. And no oneâs saying anything, and Iâm losing my mind becauseââ your voice cracked, just slightlyâ âbecause thatâs my best friend.â
Renjunâs shoulders slumped. He looked like he aged ten years in a second.
âSeungmin and his friends... they planned something,â he said quietly.
Your chest went still.
âI only heard a conversation between Professor Sprout and Professor Snape,â he continued. âBut apparently they were hanging out near the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Seungmin gave Jisung something. A potion or⌠some kind of enchanted hallucinogen.â
Renjun looked up at you, guilt heavy in his eyes even though he hadnât been there. âThey led him into the forest, Y/N⌠And something attacked him.â
You stared at him, voice thick with dread. âSomething?â
Renjun hesitated. âSnape... Snape was the one who found him.â
You felt cold all over. âWhat was it?â
He looked away.
âRenjun. What was it.â
His voice dropped to a whisper.
âA werewolf.â
A gasp got stuck in your throat.
âI donât know how bad it was,â Renjun said softly. âBut apparently Professor Snape had to lock him up for a week while he went through the transformation.â
Tears stung behind your eyes. âWhy didnât you tell me?â
âBecause I didnât want to believe it myselfâŚ.â
You sank into the chair across from him, everything too heavy to stand.
âA werewolf,â you whispered.
He nodded and suddenly, so many things clicked at once. Suddenly it all made sense.
After Renjun told you, you couldnât sleep.
You sat in your bed staring at the ceiling until the sun started bleeding through the windows, and then you slipped out of the dorms without a word. You went straight to the library and stayed there all morning.
Madam Pince gave you a curious glance when you asked to go into the Restricted Section after looking through every other possible book in the regular shelves and finding nothing of value. You dropped Professor Babblingâs name as your excuseâsaid you were doing independent research for an Arithmancy paper. She didnât ask further, just handed you a list of approved titles and waved you through.
You didnât touch a single one of them. Instead, you searched for everything you could find on werewolves.
They were mostly old, dusty books with creaking spines and brittle pages. Most seemed to be more folklore than facts but you found a text buried near the bottom of a shelf, half its title burned off the spine.
Lycanthropy and Lunar Madness: A Clinical Compendium.
The chapters were brutal. You read about the first changes, the muscle pain, the sensory overload. The way magic in the blood would flare, fight back, burn from the inside out. You read about the violence, how the mind slips away when the full moon peaks, how instincts override everything else.
But what caught your atention the most was this:
âIn cases of recent infection, the afflicted may experience an attraction fixation, often triggered by proximity to a familiar person. This response is especially common in individuals whose first transformation occurs during adolescence or early adulthood.
The instinct is not always sexual, but it is always possessive. The werewolfâs senses recognize the person as a source of comfort or danger. When comfort, the fixation can lead to obsessive behavior, rut-like symptoms, and irrational aggression if the person is perceived as threatened or unattainable. When danger, it can lead to avoidance or attack. Scent is the most common anchor. Once imprinted, it is nearly impossible for the werewolf to ignore.â
Your throat tightened. You re-read the paragraph five times.
It made sense, too much sense. His distance, his flinching, the way he couldnât look at you anymore.
Your scent.
You remembered how he looked at you that morning in the Great Hall. How he barely breathed when you stood too close and how he wouldnât meet your eyes when you asked what happened. And last night in the Atronomy Tower, he said you smelled good and it looked like he wanted to eat you alive.
You closed the book with shaky hands and then checked out four more. You didnât stop reading until your eyes blurred. You didnât eat or go to class.
By the time the sky outside the window started darkening, you were sitting at a corner table, surrounded by open tomes and loose parchment covered in frantic notesâeverything you could find about Wolfsbane, Snapeâs potion-making reputation, the legal status of werewolves in magical Britain, and every known case of student infection in the last fifty years.
You turned the page again.
Magical Intervention
âWolfsbane Potion, taken daily during the week of the full moon, prevents transformation but does not erase the instinctual response. It is crucial that young werewolves are supervised during their first year of turning, especially if they experience early signs of rut.
If left unmonitored, the werewolf may become a threat not only to othersâbut to themselves.â
You found another book next. Not on lycanthropy, but on magical trauma. It mentioned Professor Snape by name.
âA known expert in dark creatures and cursed bloodlines, Professor Severus Snape has played a role in the treatment and monitoring of several underage werewolf cases, particularly after the war.â
You sat there for a long time, staring at the page, your mind buzzing. Snape knew, he was involved and he wasnât just keeping the secret, he was managing it.
Which meant whatever happened to JisungâSnape had seen it before. And heâd chosen not to tell you a thing.
You sat there in silence, your hands numb on the table. Snape had told him to stay away from you, that much was obvious now. But no one had told you what being near him could do.
You werenât afraid of him. But for the first time, you understood why he was of you.
You left the library as the sky was starting to pale with early morning light, the forbidden books still echoing in your thoughts. You didnât bother going to class again. You went directly to Snapeâs office instead and waited there. When he finally arrived, he paused mid-step at the sight of you.
âMiss Y/N,â he said flatly. âYou are not scheduled to meet with me.â
âNo,â you said, stepping forward. âBut Iâm not leaving until you tell me the truth, sir.â
His eyes narrowed. âI beg your parââ
âDid you know?â you cut in, voice trembling with restrained rage. âDid you know what would happen to him?â
âIâm not sure what youâre referring to.â
âI know that Jisung got attacked by a werewolf.â
Snape stilled.
âI went to the restricted section,â you continued. âI know what werewolves go through. I know about the rut cycle. The way someone can trigger it just by being close⌠Did you know it would be me?â
He didnât speak, and that silence was an answer.
You took another step toward him. âYou told him to stay away, didnât you?â
Still silent.
You laughed bitterly. âWhat, were you going to wait until I ended up on the courtyard floor with his teeth in my neck before you decided to warn me?â
âLower your voice,â Snape said sharply, eyes flicking toward the empty corridor.
âNo,â you snapped. âYou donât get to tell me what to do now when you left me in the dark about everything.â
âHe is alive and youâre safe because of me,â he said sharply. âDo not mistake silence for neglect.â
âHeâs barely alive,â you fired back. âHeâs walking around like a ghost and you expect me to believe thatâs your idea of help?â
âYou think you want the truth but the truth is messy and dangerous. And the truth, Miss Y/NâŚâ he stalked closer to you, almost menacingly â⌠is that your friend is not who he was anymore.â
âI know that!â you shouted, voice cracking. âBut you made him think he was dangerous.â
âHe is.â
âNo,â you said fiercely. âHeâs just scared and youâre feeding it.â
Snapeâs eyes narrowed. âYou have no idea what a werewolf in rut is capable of.â
âI do now.â You stepped closer again, voice trembling. âIâm not stupid or fragile. And Iâm not going to stay away just because you think itâs better that way.â
âMiss Y/Nââ
âNo,â you snapped. âYou canât âprotect meâ by locking him away like some creature. Heâs not a danger to me. Whatâs dangerous is isolating him, making him ashamed of something he didnât choose.â
Snapeâs mouth pressed into a thin line.
âAnd what will you do, then?â he asked. âIf he loses control?â
âIâll help him.â You exhaled, hands trembling. âIâm not afraid of him and he needs someone who isnât.â
There was a long pause. Snape looked at you with something like pitty. Then he spoke, carefully.
âThen youâd better learn how to handle whatâs coming.â
Knowing about Jisungâs condition didnât bring the relief you thought it would. If anything, it made everything worse. Because now you understood that there was almost nothing you could do to save him from himself. And, like Professor Snape said, the safest option was to stay far away.
And you tried, but it was so hard.
You'd find yourself turning to complain about Professor Binns's endless lectures, only to realize it wasn't Jisung beside you, but Renjunâquiet, studious Renjun who never dared utter a complaint in class.
Or when you walked toward the kitchens out of habit, thinking maybe you'd sweet-talk the elves into some pumpkin tarts, only to remember it was Jisung who always did the charming.
Or when the night sky looked especially clear and you found yourself wanting to stargaze but realizing no one else knew how to trace constellations on your palm with their fingertip. And you couldnât even remember their names without Jisung pointing them out to you.
Renjun tried. He filled the empty seat at meals, nodded at the right moments when you rambled, even agreed to sneak out once or twice. But he wasnât Jisung. He didnât know your weird inside jokes, didnât lean his head on your shoulder when he got sleepy, didnât touch your wrist when you got nervous.
You missed him so deeply it ached.
So, when you saw him slipping out of the common room one night you followed him without a second thought.
He moved quickly across the grounds, his hooded shape skimming the moonlit grass. You jogged to keep up, keeping low behind hedges and statues until he stopped beside the Whomping Willow. Your breath caught as he pressed a knot at the roots and the tree froze midâsway, its branches locking in eerie stillness. Then, an entrance yawned open.
You hesitated. Every instinct screamed that going after him was a terrible idea. But the thought of him hurting or worse, hurting alone was too much to bear.
So you followed.
The tunnel led you into the Shrieking Shack. A chill raced down your spine the moment you stepped inside. Rot and mildew clung to the walls, the floorboards seemed like they would give way with each step, and it smelled like old nightmares in there. You had to bite down on your lip to keep from gagging but you kept going, following the sounds of his ragged breathing upstairs into a dusty room.
You opened the door cautiously, barely an inchâbut before you could fully register what was happening, Jisung lunged. He grabbed your arm, yanking you roughly inside and pinning you to the sagging mattress with a strength that startled you.
"Jisungâ!" you gasped.
He loomed over you, eyes wild, glowing gold in the darkness. His expression was pained, almost feral.
"Whatâare you doing here?" he growled through gritted teeth. His voice was deep and barely recognizable.
You stared up at him, wide-eyed. âIâI was worried. You missed all your classesâŚâ
Something dark flared in his gaze, and he dropped his head, panting harshly against your throat. He inhaled deeply, shuddering as he pressed closer instinctively. Your breath hitched sharply, your body reacting involuntarily to his closeness.
"You shouldn't have come," he whispered brokenly, hands trembling where they gripped your wrists.
You swallowed, feeling his hips press involuntarily against yours and realizing exactly what was happening.
"Your rut," you whispered breathlessly, realization flooding you. "It's started, hasn't it?"
A helpless whimper slid from his throat as his hips rocked against you once more, his erection pressing unmistakably through his trousers. The desperate sound he made sent heat pooling in your stomach, despite the fear and confusion swirling inside you.
âYou smell so fucking⌠goodâ He let out another ragged noise, and you reached out instinctively, resting a trembling hand against his cheek. His skin burned under your palm. He looked almost delirious, golden eyes flickering between human fear and something more feral.
Youâd spent the past week reading about werewolves and their ruts, absorbing every detail you could from hidden texts and restricted tomes. You knew that once the rut hit, the urge for physical intimacy would become nearly unbearable. You also knew it was dangerous for you to be near him like this.
But as you stared at your best friend, trembling and half-broken with need, your heart clenched. You couldnât just walk away.
âJisung,â you said carefully, your voice shaking. âDid you take the Wolfsbane?â
He shook his head, eyes squeezing shut. âI donât know⌠I think I didnâtââ He broke off, a pained groan tearing from his throat as he rocked forward, hips searching for contact.
Swallowing hard, you remembered the passage in the book. How an afflicted werewolf needed a trusted partner to help ease the rutâs consuming effects.
It felt like your heart was in your mouth.
âYouââ he gasped, voice faint. âYou canât stay. Iâif I hurt youââ
You cupped his other cheek, forcing his gaze to meet yours. âYou wonât,â you promised, though a part of you wasnât entirely sure.
âY/N,â he groaned, hips rutting forward again. âDonât. Donât touch me right now, I swearââ
âI want to help you,â you said softly. âPlease let me.â
His pupils dilated immediately and he let out a shaky breath, leaning into your touch. The heat radiating from him was overwhelming but despite your own hammering pulse, you didnât draw away.
Because somewhere deep inside, you knew this was the only way to help him.
His grip on your waist was bruising, claws just barely retracted. His body was sweat-slicked and trembling, panting through gritted teeth as he pressed himself flush against you.
âI warned you,â he growled, voice shaky with restraint. âI told you to leave.â
You pulled him closer up and felt how he shook under your touch. âYou can have meâ
He didnât wait another second. Your clothes were suddenly nothing, the fabric ripped under his desperate hands. Your skin was bare before you had time to register the sound of seams tearing. His mouth found your throat instinctively, tongue tasting your pulse before he bit.
You winced at the pain and his hips rutted against your thigh, hard and frantic, his cock felt thick and straining through his trousers. He was whining soft, broken sounds between gritted teeth, like each second without you wrapped around him was tearing him open from the inside.
âYou smellâfuck, you smell so good,â he gasped into your skin, humping against you harder. âI needâi need to be inside, I needââ
You spread your legs, breathless, head spinning from the force of it all. âIâm here, Sungie.â
He didnât prep you, didnât pause for a secondâjust spit on his fingers and shoved them inside you hard and fast. Stretching you wide while whispering obscenities you couldnât even make sense of.
âSo fucking tightâfuckâgonna ruin youâfill you up, knot you, make sure no one else ever gets toââ
You didnât even realize heâd taken his cock out until you felt him line himself up with shaking hands, barely getting the tip in before he snapped his hips forward, burying himself inside you in one brutal thrust.
You cried out and Jisung growled, slamming his hand beside your head, forehead pressed to yours, golden eyes glazed over.
âMine,â he gasped. âFuck⌠Mine. Mine. Mineââ
Suddenly, he shoved your knees up, pressing them tightly to your chest as his hips snapped forward, rough and desperate. You cried out sharply, feeling stretched too wide, overwhelmed by the rawness of him filling you again and again. His teeth dragged harshly against your throat, marking you repeatedly, as if he couldn't bear the thought of anyone mistaking you for anything but his.
You sobbed beneath him, your body caught between pain and a pleasure that blurred into something unbearable. Part of you wondered numbly if it would have changed anything if you'd told Jisung it was your first timeâif it would've made him pause, slow down, be gentler. But you knew it wouldn't have mattered. He wasn't fully himself, and even if some part of him wanted to stop, he couldn't.
You felt it then, the swelling at his base. His knot beginning to expand, stretching your entrance wider with every punishing thrust. Panic mixed with need, your mind spinning as your walls spasmed around him.
âGonna knot you,â he panted desperately, voice breaking as he slammed into you harder. âCanât stopâfuck, you feel so perfectâgonna keep you like this foreverââ
He thrust deeply one last time and locked himself inside, his knot catching and sealing him within you. You screamed, body jolting at the sudden fullness, the pressure almost too much. He shuddered violently above you, his cum flooding hot and deep, twitching through aftershocks that made your thighs quake and your vision blur.
You barely had time to gasp a breath before his knot began to soften, still pulsing faintly inside you. But Jisung didnât stop, not even for a moment.
Before you could recover, he flipped you roughly onto your stomach, the mattress creaking sharply beneath you. He pressed into you again slowly, his breathing ragged and hot against your sweat-damp back. You trembled uncontrollably beneath him, arms shaking, barely able to keep yourself upright.
âJisung, waitââ your voice broke, a thin plea lost beneath the rasp of his breath.
But he didnât acknowledge your begging. One hand pinned your hip firmly, the other flattened between your shoulders, forcing you down into the sheets until you couldnât move. You felt the ache building again as he pushed inside you once more, pushing mercilessly against your walls. Your thighs burned, your body instinctively arching to escape the overstimulation, but he wouldnât allow you to shift away.
The moment he felt how wet and open you still were, the last shred of his restraint shattered. His rhythm turned frantic, his hips slamming into yours so fiercely the air was knocked from your lungs with every brutal stroke.
You moaned helplessly into the sheets, fingers clawing at the mattress as your body surrendered. He wasnât speaking now, wasnât asking if you were okayâall you heard were harsh, ragged sounds torn from his throat, desperate noises so primal and raw they made your skin burn hot with shameful need.
His movements grew rougher, your bodies locked in a rhythm that erased any remaining thought from your mind. Your senses narrowed until all you knew was the brutal heat between your thighs and the ache of him stretching you. You took every thrust, helpless to stop, unable to do anything but accept the ruthless force of his body on yours.
His teeth bit sharply into the back of your shoulder, fangs scraping against your skin until you gasped in pain. His grip tightened, fingers bruising your hips as he pounded into you without mercy, branding you with every brutal snap of his hips.
With one final thrust, he buried himself impossibly deep, and you felt the knot swell againâfilling you, stretching you beyond limits as he locked himself inside with a guttural growl.
His whole body jerked, cock throbbing violently as he spilled into you again. It was so much cum it leaked around the thick swell of his knot, your walls clenching tight, helpless to hold it all in. He held still, panting, hands trembling as he stayed buried in you, locked and pulsing.
He stayed inside you for what felt like forever, body trembling from release, your muscles fluttering weakly around him. His breath came in uneven bursts against your skin.
But even then, you could feel that he wasnât finished.
He rutted again and let out a feral sound low in his throat, one that sounded more like a growl than a moan. And then he was moving just enough to slip free with a wet sound that made both of you shiver.
His hands moved to your waist, lifting you. He dragged you onto your back again, spread your thighs wide, and settled between them with a single-minded hunger that made your whole body pulse with anticipation.
His gaze dropped the moment he pushed back in and he groaned, eyes locked between your legs with an obsessive intensity. Your walls clenched around him as his cock slid in with zero resistance. His breath hitched, and he stopped for just a second.
His mouth parted when he saw the shape of him pushing inside you, deep enough to press against your belly, the bulge rising with every brutal thrust. He pressed his palm against it and let out a wrecked moan. The sight of his cock inside your belly driving him halfway mad.
âFuck,â he choked. âThat's me? inside you?â
You tried to answer, but all that came out was a gasp as he rocked into you harder.
He watched your stomach move with every stroke, how your cunt took all of him, again and again, walls fluttering around his cock like your body was desperate to keep him.
He was mesmerized. Staring with wide, hungry eyes as hips snapped forward with more force. One of his hands grabbed your thigh, the other pressing to your lower belly as he kept thrusting, rougher this time, watching the bulge disappear and return with every movement.
âFuck,â he groaned. âyouâre made for thisâfuckâyouâre made to take me like thisââ
You could feel the knot swelling again, dragging harder against your soaked, overstretched entrance, until your legs started to shake. He braced both hands on either side of your hips, growled deep in his chest, and slammed forward. The knot forced its way in with a brutal stretch that made your eyes roll back.
His whole body jerked, head falling forward as a strangled moan left his lips. His cock twitched violently, knot fully buried, and you felt the rush of his cum flooding you again, deeper this time, deeper than anything had ever been.
His eyes were still locked on your lower stomach, wide and blown out with awe. The bulge in your belly pulsed with each twitch of his knot, round and taut with the sheer amount heâd pumped into you
âLook at that,â he whispered, almost dazed. âLook what I did to you.â
He reached out again, fingertips brushing against your stomach and the possessiveness in his voice made your body clench all over again.
âI'm inside you.â
He blinked, his eyes flickering to your face as he really looked at you for the first time.
You were trembling, bruised, and barely able to keep your legs from shaking. Your eyes were glassy, your body completely spent beneath him. And something in him seemed to return.
His hands gentled against your skin as he eased out of you slowly, knot slipping free with an aching stretch that made you whimper. You gasped at the sudden emptiness, but he didnât leave you long. He kissed your thigh once, softly, as if in apology, and then lowered himself between your legs.
You barely had the strength to lift your head. âJiâwhat are you doingâŚâ
But he didnât answer. Just held your thighs gently in his hands, spreading them open again but this time with reverence, not greed.
Then he licked a single, languid drag of his tongue that made your hips twitch weakly. He groaned low in his throat at the taste of you.
You whimpered, the oversensitivity almost unbearable but his hands kept you grounded. Thumbs rubbing soothing circles into your hips, mouth moving with an aching kind of care. He sucked gently at your clit, tongue flicking in slow passes, easing the pain into something warmer.
You threaded trembling fingers through his hair, tugging gently.
His mouth grew more desperate by the second, tongue dipping lower and teasing at your entrance where his cum was still leaking out. He groaned at the taste, sucking softly, messy and slow, like he couldnât get enough of it. Of you.
He buried himself there with his nose pressed into your skin, mouth drinking you. You let out a soft cry, hips twitching against his face, and his grip tightened just enough to hold you still as he circled your clit again, tender but insistent.
âI need to make it better,â he murmured into your skin, voice hoarse and reverent. âLet meâpleaseâŚâ
You didnât answer but the way your legs shook around his head told him everything. So he stayed thereâworshipping the mess he made, tongue moving slow and devoted, lips soft and endless. He lost himself in you.
The first thing you noticed when you woke up was the pain.
It was deep and dull at first, but the moment you shifted, it sharpenedâradiating through your thighs, your lower back, your hips. Your skin felt hot, stretched too thin in some places, sore in others. You winced as you tried to sit up, limbs trembling slightly from the effort.
Jisung was already awake. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, facing away from you, his robes wrapped tightly around him. His shoulders were stiff.
You swallowed through the dryness in your throat. âJi?â
He stood up without looking at you.
You watched him move across the room, hands twitching at his sides like he didnât know what to do with them. He picked up your clothes from the floorâtorn in multiple places, seams ripped from how desperately heâd removed them the night beforeâand with a flick of his wand, the fabric mended itself slowly in the air.
âGet dressed,â he said flatly. âIâll help you get back to the hospital wing.â
You blinked. âBack to theâwhat?â
He turned then, just slightly, just enough to look at you briefly. His eyes were guilt-ridden.
âYouâre hurt,â he said. âI can see it.â
Your mouth opened, but no words came out.
âAnd Iâm going to Snape later,â he continued. âIâm going to ask him to relocate me during the next cycle. Somewhere far from here.â
You stared at him, stunned. âJisung, you donât have toââ
âI do,â he snapped. âBecause thisââ He gestured toward you, his voice colder now. âThis shouldnât have happened.â
Your heart twisted.
âI told you to stay away,â he said. âAnd I didnât mean that to sound cruel. I meant it because I knew Iâd lose control. And I did⌠and now look at you.â
He walked toward the cracked mirror, stopped a few feet in front of it, and gestured for you to come closer.
You hesitated.
âPlease,â he said, quieter now. âJust⌠come here.â
You stood slowly, legs shaking slightly under your weight. You wrapped yourself in the blanket and stepped toward the mirror.
Your reflection made your breath hitch.
There were bruises on your neck, angry bite marks along your collarbone and shoulder. Finger-shaped welts on your hips and thighs. Your lips were still swollen from where heâd kissed you too hard. Some of the marks looked deep. Others looked like they might last days, if not longer.
âI didnât know I was capable of this,â Jisung said behind you, voice cracking.
You looked at him through the mirror. His face was pale, jaw tight.
âIâd rather suffer the worst pain a rut could ever give me than ever touch you like that again.â
âJisungââ
âNo,â he cut you off. âYou donât understand. I didnât even care if I was hurting you. I couldnât think. You couldâve cried, begged, screamed, and I still wouldâveââ
He stopped himself, breathing hard.
âIâm not going to let this happen again. Iâll talk to Snape. Iâll take whatever dose he gives me. Iâll lock myself somewhere no one can find me.â
You stepped forward, reaching for him, but he flinched when your fingers brushed his sleeve.
He turned his face away. âGet dressed,â he said quietly. âPlease.â
There was nothing else to say.
He handed you your clothes without looking at you again. When you were dressed, he silently moved to support your weight down the stairs and back toward the tunnel beneath the Whomping Willow.
Your legs ached with every step. Jisungâs arm was around your waist, holding you upright as you moved slowly down the path back to the castle, your freshly repaired clothes felt stiff and uncomfortable against your bruised skin.
You hadnât said a word since leaving the Shrieking Shack. Neither had he.
His touch wasnât warm, or comforting. It was careful and detached. Like he was holding you not out of care, but out of obligation.
Your heart hurt more than your body. You two had been close for so long. Even after heâd changed, after he came back cold, distant, guarded you still felt more warmth than right now. Like he was reaching for you even when he didnât realize it. So seeing him acting like this was almost unbearable.
You tried to tell yourself it wasnât rejection or shame. That he was just protecting you, trying to keep you safe. But it still felt like being left behind.
You didnât even realize how close you were to the castle until the path curved and the first archway of the courtyard came into view.
âPark.â
Professor Snape stood just beyond the arch, his arms crossed over his chest, black robes billowing faintly in the wind. His gaze flicked over the two of you quickly. His eyes dropped to the way you leaned into Jisung, to your limp. And then he saw the bruises. Even with your collar pulled tight, they peeked out, the edges of bite marks and the faint discoloration just beneath the skin.
Snapeâs eyes narrowed.
âCome here,â he said, voice cold.
Jisung didnât move.
Snape stepped forward. âNow.â
You felt the panic rise in your chest immediately.
âProfessor, wait. Itâs notâhe didnâtââ You reached for his sleeve. âHe didnât force me.â
Snapeâs eyes snapped to yours, and for a moment, you almost stepped back. His expression didnât change, but something in it darkened like your words had confirmed what he already suspected.
âI didnât ask what he did,â he said sharply. âI asked him to come with me.â
Jisungâs jaw was clenched so tightly it looked painful. He didnât say a word, just let go of you carefully.
You nearly stumbled from the sudden absence of support.
âI can explainââ you tried again, but Snape raised a hand.
âThis is not your responsibility,â he said, more quietly this time. âAnd you are in no condition to be standing here arguing.â
He turned to Jisung once more.
âPark. Now.â
And without looking back at you, Jisung walked toward him.
You stood there trembling, arms wrapped around yourself, the chill settling deeper into your bones now that he was gone.
Jisung stood in the doorway of Snapeâs office with his head hung low. The potions master had stepped away to ensure you made it safely to the hospital wing and to explain the delicate situation to the healers. Minutes stretched on endlessly until finally, he heard the sharp clack of Snape's shoes approaching.
âGo in,â Snape ordered coldly, gesturing toward the open door. The Hufflepuff obeyed silently.
Snape shut the office door behind them with a flick of his wand. The room smelled of ash and damp parchment, but Jisung could still smell your scent stronger than anything else; it clung to him, saturated his senses.
âSit,â Snape instructed curtly.
Jisung lowered himself into the hard chair opposite the desk, shoulders slumped. He couldnât bring himself to meet Snapeâs eyes.
âHow is she?â he asked softly, voice raw.
âSheâll live,â Snape replied coolly, summoning a few vials and herbs onto his desk. âMadam Pomfrey is treating the bruising you saw fit to decorate her with.â
Jisungâs head snapped up, panic clear in his gaze. âIâI bit her. More than once.â The admission spilled out before he could stop himself, heavy with guilt and shame. âDoes that meanââ
âNo,â Snape interjected sharply. âThe curse passes only when the biter is fully transformed under the full moon. You were saturated with Wolfsbane, half-shifted but not contagious.â
Jisung exhaled sharply, gripping the chair arms until his knuckles whitened. Relief flooded him, but Snape wasn't done.
âHowever,â Snape continued, voice lowering dangerously, âdo not delude yourself into believing she was truly safe. Had you missed even one additional dose, or had the moon been at its peak, she would already share your curse, and that responsibility would lie entirely with you.â
Jisung flinched. âI know. IâI keep hurting her. I keep losing control, and no matter how much I try to stay away, something justâŚpulls me back. I donât know how to stop it.â
Snape regarded him for a moment in silence before speaking, voice softer but still edged with steel. âThatâs because it is no longer a matter of mere control. You've complicated things significantly, Park.â
Jisung looked up slowly, eyes wide with apprehension. âWhat do you mean?â
Snape folded his hands on the desk, expression severe yet composed. âBy marking her during your rut, you've effectively chosen Miss Y/N as your mate.â
Jisungâs breath caught, his throat tightening painfully. "Mate? Iâwhat does that mean?â
âIt means,â Snape explained, calm and clinical, âthat your wolf has identified her specifically as an anchor. Such mate-bonds occur most commonly during adolescence, particularly around a first transformation. It's why you find yourself physically unable to stay away for long.â
Jisung swallowed, panic bubbling up again. âIs it dangerous? Will I hurt her more?â
âNot inherently,â Snape said evenly. âBut the bond is permanent, Park. Your wolf will always crave her presenceâmost intensely near the full moon or during rut. Ignoring it will only worsen your aggression.â
âThenâŚwhat can I do?â Jisung asked desperately. âHow do I keep her safe?â
âYou must never skip your Wolfsbane. Take it every evening at sundown and report to me regularly so we can adjust dosage accordingly. Furthermore, and pay attention to this, you must manage your bond carefully. You cannot fight it entirely so stay close to her but with awareness, not indulgence. â
Jisung flushed deeply. âBut⌠after everything I've done, how can I risk being close to her again?â
Snape leaned forward slightly. âThe greater risk lies in distance, your instincts will spiral. Proximity is crucial but do not confuse instinct for entitlement.â
Jisung nodded slowly, the weight of responsibility settling heavily onto his shoulders. âDoes sheâŚknow?â
âShe soon will,â Snape replied quietly. âBut it is essential she hears it clearly from you. Be honest and thorough. Do you understand me, Park?â
âYes, sir,â Jisung whispered. âI won't fail her again.â
Snape regarded him a moment longer, then produced a fresh vial of Wolfsbane, setting it decisively on the desk. âGood. Now leave before I decide silence is insufficient punishment.â
Jisung rose unsteadily, clutching the vial to his chest. He walked slowly to the threshold, feeling every step heavy with responsibility. Just as he reached the door, Snape spoke once more.
âPark, if you truly care for the girl, learn how to live with the wolf without letting it consume her.â
The door sealed shut behind him, and Jisung stood for a long moment in the corridor, the potion trembling slightly in his grip.
You lay on one of the hospital wing beds, half-covered by a sterile white blanket, the curtains drawn tightly around you. The air was too quiet, every sound outside muted by the silencing charm Madam Pomfrey had casted when she left you there.
You picked at your cuticles absently, barely noticing the sting where skin peeled back. Your hospital gown gaped at the shoulders, revealing the bruises along your arms in the shape of fingers. Jisungâs fingers. You shouldâve been horrified and maybe you were a little bit but there was something strangely comforting about them. His hands had held you through something painful, but they had held you. It made you feel... needed. Like you mattered to him again.
Your thoughts scattered when the curtain parted and Madam Pomfrey stepped through, her face tight with concern. Behind her came Professor Sprout, head of Hufflepuff house. And just before the curtain fell shut again, you caught the edge of black robes retreating down the wardâSnape. Heâd definitely told them everything.
You bit your lip and dropped your gaze.
âHello, dear,â Pomfrey said gently. When you didnât answer, she cleared her throat. âTo begin with, Iâd like to offer you a calming draught for the pain.â
âIâm fine,â you said quietly, though your whole body ached. You didnât want to take anything that would fog your thoughts. You needed to stay alert to explain the situation.
âWellâŚâ she murmured, unconvinced. âThen Iâll start with the surface wounds.â
She gestured toward the scratches and crescent-shaped bites along your shoulders and collarbone. You stayed still while she worked.
Professor Sprout stepped closer, arms folded tightly across her chest. âMiss Y/LN,â she began carefully. âThereâs no need to be guarded with us. Weâre not here to punish you⌠but there are a few matters that need to be addressed.â
You nodded wordlessly, eyes fixed on a wrinkle in the bedsheet.
âMadamâŻPomfrey will heal what she can,â she continued. âBut the bite marks will take several days to fade. Magical injuries of this nature are⌠stubborn.â
âI understand,â you murmured. The marks didnât bother you.
Professor Sprout hesitated, color rising faintly in her cheeks. âWe also understand that Mr.âŻPark was⌠in a heightened state when you were intimate.â
You saw her flinch slightly at her own words and you almost pitied her. There was no elegant way to discuss something like this. You nodded once.
âAm I correct to assume no contraceptive charms were cast beforehand?â
Your brows pulled together. Youâd never studied contraceptive spells properly. You knew they were meant to be used before any intimacy though and given how everything had happened there hadnât been time for anything like that. You shook your head slowly.
Professor Sprout exchanged a brief look with Pomfrey before exhaling slowly. âVery well. Madam Pomfrey will now perform a diagnostic charm to ensure no unintended consequences arise from your⌠encounter.â
You nodded again, tending slight when Madam Pomfrey raised her wand and murmured a spell. A pale lavender glow swept across your lower abdomen then faded without a flicker.
âNo conception,â she announced softly. âEverything is normal.â
A breath you hadnât realized you were holding slipped out and you noticed Professor Sproutâs shoulders ease a fraction.
Pomfrey lowered her wand, relief softening the stern set of her mouth. Then she hesitated, studying you over the rims of her spectacles.
âDear, may I give you some practical advice?â
You nodded, cheeks still furiously warm.
She lifted her wand again. âThere are several reliable contraceptive charms you can use. The simplest is Praeventa Conceptum. Itâs quick, painless, and lasts a whole day.â
Professor Sprout cleared her throat delicately but said nothing.
Pomfrey demonstrated. She pointed her wand at her own midsection. âCircle once, clockwise, like so.â A pale halo of light traced the motion. âThen speak Praeâvenâta Conâcepâtum. Stress on the second syllable of each word. The charm settles just beneath the skin and itâs a mild warming sensation, nothing more.â
You mimicked the motion in the air, whispering the incantation under your breath. A faint peachâcolored glow sparked at your wand tip and faded.
âGood,â Madam Pomfrey said, satisfied. âRemember, the charm must be renewed daily, and it is far more reliable when cast prior to any sexual activity.â
âThank you,â you murmured, both grateful and faintly embarrassed.
Professor Sprout offered a small, reassuring nod. âBetter to learn here than under far less ideal circumstances.â
Pomfrey tucked her wand away. âKnowledge is its own protection.â
âAgain, you are not at fault for any of this,â Sprout added, voice firm. âLast nightâs events were influenced by circumstances far beyond your control.â
âIs he okay?â you asked softly.
A shadow crossed the professorâs eyes. âMr. Park is with ProfessorâŻSnape now, discussing the seriousness of missing future doses of Wolfsbane.â Her tone suggested âdiscussionâ meant something closer to a dressingâdown. âHeâll be monitored closely.â
âIt wasnât his fault,â you said, fingers worrying the edge of the sheet. âI followed him there, fully aware of the consequences. I just wanted to help⌠and I donât regret it.â
Madam Pomfreyâs brows knit, but it was Professor Sprout who spoke first. âMiss Y/L/N, no one here is assigning blame. What matters now is that both of you are safe, and that Mr. Park remains diligent with his potion.â Her gaze softened. âYour loyalty is commendable, but your wellâbeing is equally important.â
You nodded, swallowing the dryness in your throat. âI know.â
Pomfrey dabbed a final line of salve across the deepest bite mark. âYouâll be sore,â she said gently, âbut youâll heal. Rest here tonight, at least until breakfast.â
The curtain swayed gently as they left you alone, and you stared ahead thinking only of the warmth of his breath, the panic in his voice, and the way heâd whispered âyou shouldnât have comeâ like it had broken him to see you there.
But you would do it all again.
Madam Pomfrey cleared you for release just after sunrise. You dressed in silence, fingers brushing over the gauze sheâd left on the deepest bite. She offered one last vial of bruise balm and a faint smile before sending you off.
It was Saturday, thank Merlin. There were no classes so most students were still sleeping. You were relieved as you stepped out of the hospital wing, and saw nothing but an empty corridor.
Though still a strange, hollow pressure settled in your chest. You missed Jisung.
You werenât sure if it was the residual ache in your muscles, or the fading imprints heâd left on your body, but you felt the absence of him like it was stitched into your skin. You needed to see him.
And then, as if your thoughts conjured him, he appeared.
Jisung was standing at the other end of the hallway, just beyond the shaft of sunlight spilling in from the tall windows. He looked stunned to see you, like he hadnât meant to be here, like his feet had brought him without his permission.
You hesitated.
Snape had surely warned him againâmore strictly this timeâto stay away from you. But still, Jisung took a step forward and you followed.
You met in the middle of the hallway, stopping close enough that your chests nearly touched. It wasnât until you were standing in front of him that you realized how much heâd changed. He was taller now, just slightly, but it was enough to notice. His shoulders were broader, his presence heavier, like the wolf was still there beneath the surface.
He stared at the bruises along your collarbone, what little was visible through the open neck of your shirt. You saw the way his throat bobbed, how his eyes flickered with guilt.
âAre youâ?â
âIâm okay, Ji,â you cut in gently, offering him a small smile. âPerfectly fine.â
âIâm so sorry.â
He exhaled shakily, and his hand reached for yours tentatively. You almost gasped at the contact. It had been so long since he touched you first. His fingers threaded through yours like they were remembering how easily he did this all the time before.
âYou donât have to be,â you whispered. âYou didnât do anything wrong.â
Your other hand rose instinctively, brushing against his cheek. He leaned into the touch immediately, eyes fluttering closed.
âDid Snape scold you too badly?â you asked, voice soft and teasing.
Jisung cracked a smile. âYeah, I have to clean the Quidditch stands every day this winter without magic.â
Your eyes widened. âSeriously?â
He laughed. âIâm joking.â He paused, eyes searching yours. âThough honestly⌠I think I deserved one.â
You squeezed his hand gently. âYouâve been punished enough.â
He didnât respond, just looked at you like he was still trying to figure out if this moment was real.
The corridor felt suddenly too small, so without speaking, you guided Jisung toward the nearest side door that opened onto the courtyard. The November air was sharp, but sunlight spilled across damp flagstones and carried the faint scent of wet leaves.
You walked side by side, your shoulders brushing now and then. After a long stretch of silence, Jisung spoke in a quiet voice. âDo you remember fifth year⌠when we hid in Greenhouse Three during that thunderstorm?â
You smiled. âAnd you spent the whole time pretending not to be scared of lightning.â
He huffed a soft laugh. âI kept thinking about that last night. How you held my hand and told me storms always pass.â He glanced at you, guilt and wonder warring in his eyes. âI wanted to go there initially. But then I smelled you, and I went to the Shack instead, thinking you wouldnât follow me into a place like that.â He laughed bitterly. âI shouldâve known better.â
The admission loosened something tight inside you. âStorms pass, Ji,â you said. âEven the ones inside us.â
He stopped, turning to face you fully. âDoes this one? Because I can still feel it.â His gaze flicked to your neck where a bruise peeked above your collar. âI feel every mark I left on you like theyâre on my body, too.â
You lifted a hand to his chest, just over his heartbeat. âYou didnât hurt me.â
He looked at you, like he almost believed it, but the tension in his jaw said otherwise. âSnape told me⌠the biting⌠it wasnât random.â he dropped his gaze and bit his lip nervously âI⌠marked you.â
Your breath hitched, but you didnât interrupt.
âHe said youâre my mate now,â he said quietly. âThat the wolf chose you. Thatâs why I canât stay away. Why I canât stop smelling you, hearing you even when youâre not around. Why it feels like somethingâs ripping open in my chest when I try to stay away.â
You stood still, eyes locked on his.
âHe said I shouldnât fight it. That if I try to pretend the bond doesnât exist, itâll make it worse. That I just have to be⌠careful and gentle with it. With you.â He exhaled, voice tight. âHe said if I really want to protect you, I have to learn how to live with the wolf, not push it down.â
âWhat did you say?â you finally asked.
âI told him Iâd do anything to keep you safe,â Jisung said. âAnd I meant it.â
You reached for his hand and he let you take it, though his fingers twitched.
âThe bond⌠is that why you came to the Hospital Wing corridor?â
He nodded, shame creasing his brow. âI woke up and⌠I was already walking there. I didnât think.â
âThen next time, think and tell me,â you said. âWeâll handle the need together. On our terms.â
He swallowed. âSnape says if I miss a potion⌠youâll be in danger first.â
âThen you wonât miss it.â Your tone brooked no argument. âEven if I have to brew it myself.â
A faint smile ghosted his lips. âYouâd sit through that smell?â
âIâd sit through worse.â Your thumb stroked over his knuckles.
He exhaled shakily, some of the tension easing, though the gold still flickered behind his eyes like embers. âIâm not safe yet,â he warned.
âThatâs okay,â you answered, stepping close until your foreheads touched. âIâm not scared.â
For a while you simply stood in the sunlight, listening to the distant chatter of students who knew nothing about storms or wolves or the way a heartbeat could echo in someone elseâs chest. His hand tightened around yours, and instinctively you looked up, meeting his gaze.
His eyes flickered down to your lips, hesitation clear in the tense line of his jaw. Before he could withdraw, before he could overthink it, you stepped on your tippy toes and pressed your mouth gently to his.
It began softly, a cautious brush of lips but it escalated quickly. His mouth opened hungrily, tongue sliding against your teeth, and you gave in with a low sigh. His hand found your waist first, pulling you closer, then slid up to cup the back of your neck, angling your head so he could deepen the kiss. Your fingers tangled through his messy hair, tugging gently. He groaned into your mouth, hips pressing forward instinctively until you were pinned softly against the rough stone wall.
âI canât lose control again,â he murmured urgently against your lips but still he kissed you harder, as if he couldnât pull away even if he wanted to.
âYou wonât,â you promised breathlessly. âThis is fine.â
His hips snapped forward again, pressing you tighter to the stone behind you. You knew you were out in the openâanyone could pass by and seeâbut caution melted beneath the heat of his mouth trailing down your neck. The dull soreness from the previous night faded to a faint pulse, replaced by something hungrier, as he sucked gently at your throat.
âJiââ your voice shook softly, hands gripping his robes tighter. âYouâre⌠youâre not still in rut, right?â
He pulled back just enough to meet your gaze. âNo. No, I donât think so,â he panted roughly, almost like he was convincing himself too. âIt doesnât feel the same as last night, butââ He exhaled shakily, pressing his forehead to yours âI want you. Fuck, I want you so badâI donât think Iâll ever stop wanting you.â
A helpless moan escaped you at the raw admission, your pulse quickening under his mouth when he kissed you againâsofter now, more controlled, as if he was proving to himself he could do this without falling apart.
âI wonât let myself hurt you again,â he breathed, lips brushing your skin between each whispered word. âBut you need to tell me if itâs too muchâ
You shook your head slightly, pulling him closer still, holding him like he was the only thing keeping you upright. âJi, nothingâs ever too much with you. Just stay here⌠stay with me.â
He shivered, his breath hitching as he kissed you again, trying to ground himself in the feeling of you rather than the wild instinct still whispering beneath his skin.
Someone laughed nearby, close enough to remind you exactly where you were.
Jisung froze against you, his forehead dropping to your shoulder with a soft groan. âWe need to move,â he muttered âIf anyone seesââ
âThen come on,â you said grabbing his hand.
He followed without another word.
You tugged him along a narrow side-corridor, the secret path behind the Herbology wing that only upper years and rule-breakers bothered with. Past the old broom cupboard, beyond the faded tapestry of a witch laughing drunkenly into her wine goblet, your footsteps were quiet, your pulse anything but. It hammered through your veins, in your fingertips, your throatâeverywhere Jisungâs hand stayed locked in yours.
Soon you stood outside Greenhouse Three, abandoned since the storm in your fifth year shattered half its glass panes. Now, ivy and moss crawled along the cracked glass walls, and no one had bothered to repair it, leaving the space forgotten and overgrown.
You slipped through the splintered wooden door, pulling him gently behind you.
Inside, sunlight spilled across broken tables and tangled greenery. Plants had grown wild, illing the air with the scent of damp earth, crushed leaves, and something faintly sweet. You felt your chest tighten from the memory of your younger selves hiding here together.
Jisung remembered it too, you could see it in the softening of his eyes, the way his shoulders relaxed slightly. He caught your lips again, slow at first, but deepening fast, pulling a moan from your throat. Your hands gripped the front of his shirt, pulling him in until you tasted him fully.
âI want you inside me,â you whispered against his mouth, fingers trembling as you tugged at his clothes again.
He groaned softly, forehead pressing to yours. âSay it again.â
Your breath shuddered. âI want you to fuck me, Ji. Right now.â
He kissed you once more, messy and desperate, before stepping back just enough to undo his belt. His hands shook slightly, desire evident as he freed his cockâalready hard and flushed, leaking at the tip as he positioned himself between your thighs. You lay back on one of the old greenhouse tables, cool beneath your skin but sturdy enough for this.
Jisung dragged the head of his cock through your folds, groaning openly at how wet you were, coating him perfectly. He pressed gently against your entrance, one hand braced beside your head, the other gripping your hip, thumb stroking tenderly.
He met your gaze, eyes filled with heated care. âTell me if itâs too much,â he rasped, voice thick with want but edged with concern.
You cupped his cheek softly, eyes locked on his. âItâs perfect. Itâs always perfect with youâŚJust fuck me, Ji.â
And he did.
The first thrust was slow, a deep stretch that pulled a gasp straight from your lungs. His cock slid in inch by inch until he bottomed out, and then he just held there, buried inside, groaning like heâd finally found home.
âHoly fuck,â he whispered, his voice breaking. âYouâre so tight, you feel soâshitâyou feel like you were made for me.â
You clenched around him involuntarily and he hissed, head dropping to your shoulder as he fought the urge to move too fast.
But control didnât last long. His hips started to roll into yours, picking up a rhythm that got harder with each thrust. The sound of skin slapping echoed off the glass, mixed with your breathy moans and the desperate groans breaking in his throat.
You wrapped your legs around his waist, heels digging into his back, dragging him deeper.
âYes, yesâright thereâdonât stop,â you gasped.
âI wonât,â he growled. âI canât.â
He drove into you harder, the table creaking beneath you as he pounded into your soaked cunt like he was trying to carve the shape of himself into your body. You arched under him, nails raking down his back through his shirt, gasping every time he bottomed out and hit that spot that made your toes curl.
He pulled out just enough to watch his cock slide back in.
âLook at this,â he breathed, one hand dragging down to your stomach, pressing just above your pubic bone. âCan feel myself right here.â
You could tell Jisung was obsessed with seeing himself inside you, it made his thrusts hit deeper just so he could feel himself in your lower belly. You moaned brokenly, the pressure making it worse, the angle driving you insane.Â
âFuck, fuckâIâm gonna come,â you choked. âDonât stopâplease, donâtââ
âI want to feel it,â he growled. âCome on, baby. Come for me.â
Your body clamped down around him, walls spasming hard enough to make Jisung curse violently. He fucked you through it, rough thrusts stuttering until his own orgasm took him.
With a strangled groan, he slammed into you one last time and came hard, cock twitching deep inside you as he filled you again with thick spurts that made your pussy slicker than before.
He collapsed over you, forehead buried in your neck, both of you panting like youâd run for miles. His cock was still buried inside you, twitching with aftershocks.
You dragged your fingers through his hair gently, voice hoarse. âThat didnât feel like your rut.â
He laughed, breathless. âNo. That was just me.â
âAre you okay?â he whispered into your neck, voice raw and reverent. âDid I hurt you?â
You shook your head slowly. âYou didnât. You were perfect.â
He sighed against your skin, relief loosening his shoulders. Then, gentlyâso, so gentlyâhe pulled out, groaning as his cock slipped free from your cunt. The mess between your legs was immediate, warmth spilling down your thighs, and you whimpered at the sensitivity.
âI got you,â he murmured, already reaching for his wand.
He muttered a quiet cleaning charm, careful not to touch you until you nodded. His hand brushed your knee, then your thigh, his fingers trembling as he whispered the incantation again and wiped away the rest with his robe sleeve.Â
When he was finished, he kissed the inside of your knee, then your hip, then your stomach like it was part of some silent apology only your skin could understand.
âIâm gonna help you down,â he said, voice soft.
You nodded, and he wrapped his arms around your waist, lifting you slowly from the table and holding you close while your legs adjusted. You swayed once, but he caught you instantly.
âYouâre shaky,â he murmured.
âYou fucked my legs numb, Park,â you whispered, trying to smile, and he let out a breathy laugh, burying his face in your neck.
âIâm never letting you go again,â he mumbled. âNot even if Snape drags me out of your bed himself.â
You held onto him tighter, forehead pressed to his collarbone. âYou better keep that promise.â
He kissed your temple. Then your cheek. Then the corner of your mouth.
âI will,â he said. âForever.â
He helped you sit on the edge of the table while he redressedâpulling his trousers back up, refastening his belt with one hand while the other stayed on your knee like he couldnât bring himself to stop touching you. When he was done, he reached for your discarded panties, blushing faintly as he held them out to you.
âI shouldâve asked first,â he said quietly. âBack then. In the shack.â
You looked up at him, heart aching. âYou couldnât. And I already told you⌠I donât regret it.â
He nodded, but the guilt lingered behind his eyes. So you took his hand and laced your fingers through his again.
âWeâll be okay,â you said. âYou and me.â
âWe will,â he whispered.
You dressed in silence together, stealing soft glances and touches, letting the heat cool but not disappear. And when you finally stepped out of the greenhouse, blinking into the pale afternoon light, Jisungâs arm was already around your shoulders holding you close and as steady as the heartbeat youâd heard pounding through his chest not long ago.
And this time, when he kissed you, it wasnât desperate or rushed. It was quiet and certain.
Like a promise kept.
eeeeek feedback is greatly appreciated! i love reading ur comments and anons <3
ayo we need more of thiss đ


