I, for one, am a strong believer in the fact that Ascended Astarion does not lose everything of himself when ascending. Oh no no no, rather those things are still there, small and locked away - but even the Vampire Ascendant can't rid himself of a little humanity. It's the proverbial grain of salt - at least he might think of it like that at first.
Ascensicon makes him powerful, it turns positive feelings into negative ones, he becomes obsessed with things, he lashes out, he becomes cruel, greedy - maybe even mad.
But ultimately, these things have already been within him - to a capacity. He didn't survive 200 years by being a soft little lamb, although he might have despised the things he had to do, felt guilt and shame for it.
But where he consciously decides to act differently as a spawn, where he turns away to be the bigger man. That's what becomes overbearing with his ascension. His lower urges are amplified to an extent it - almost - drowns out everything else.
But in turn I believe that also means that the softer side of him is still in there as well. The side that maybe a sweet Tav brought out within him.
And that might mean that, after everything, his one real love long gone, he might have everything he dreamt off. But truly he has nothing.
Surrounded by glamour, debauchery, gold, luxury - even his precious sunlight. But it doesn't warm him like it used to.
Of all the people he could have, there's one that is unattainable. The one that slipped away.
And maybe at some point he realises that he made a mistake. Maybe it doesn't even take long, maybe it takes centuries, until scraps of old feelings rise up to claw at his undying heart and make him realise how utterly wrong he'd been.
From this moment on things won't be the same. It feels hollow now, the fabric of his fine tunic feels irritatingly wrong now, colours are void of hue, daylight is only cruelly bright and there's a void within him that keeps expanding.
It was a curse after all.
Because he not only lost Tav - but also everything he was, everything he could have been.
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