Shredded Descent

this au is full of adult themes viewer discretion is advised

[shreddeddescent]

warning this au includes a lot of references to child abuse, neglect, incestuous abuse (sexual and emotional) and CSA it's not intended for kids or people who dont want to read about a fucked up family stepping on each others toes.

updated brother bios

worst case scenario tag (<- the fucked up timeline where really bad things happen and nobody copes well don't look into it if you dont want to)

ao3 for stories (these lean mature to explicit so watch yourself i truly think i cant have been more clear about this at this point):

kid turtles running away from shredder

raph meets casey

current era

worst case scenario (<- the very fucked up >200k rape recovery soap opera fic)

art | writing | random thoughts

some of this information may change, but this is the basic vibes.

we're still working on it.

[shreddeddescent]

commissioned @less-depresso-more-espresso to draw da boys 💙❤️

[shreddeddescent]

sorry ive been distracted -_-

[shreddeddescent]

[shreddeddescent]

kicking my little feets. thinking about raph relating to caine tadc cuz his creator locked him in a cage after deciding he was bad at the job he was made for :3

[shreddeddescent]

is it time to admit the real issue with writing has been the need to crack donnie's head open with a can opener to see what the hells going on in there?

[shreddeddescent]

i made that promise. im following through. finally, almost 1 year later, here is the next chapter

[shreddeddescent]

i made that promise. im following through. finally, almost 1 year later, here is the next chapter

[shreddeddescent]

me thinks i will manage an update BEFORE a year has passed since the last one........ owo

[shreddeddescent]

same anon as before ao3 is still down so ive just been ruminating and like goddd. god he really is just like me fr. slash being huge and sharp and angry and taking everything he can to protect the other two is so reminiscent of me and i swear to god i have like three parts just like lita and fucking. the abusive introject who won’t get out of your fucking head even though the person they’re mimicking is dead and you watched them die. the constant chorus of “get over it” and affirmation that your abuser was right. agh. man and lita not knowing/realizing shredder is gone…. you’re killing me. ive died. mine and raphs traumas aren’t even that similar but i see echos of myself and my ways of adapting and i just. idk if this is coherent i have so much to say but I gotta cut myself off with i hope he goes to a real therapist 😭

AGSHDH man… yeah I hope so too.

I’m really honoured you see yourself in the story, and I get it. Even if the traumas aren’t similar, the way you responded to said trauma is similar. Cuz I think that’s more what it’s about than the actual acts themselves.

I hope ao3 is back up soon (also that I can write more after it is, it’s been a while since an update so I apologize, writing is slow but maybe figuring my way past the hump I was in)

Anyway I am glad you feel seen ❤️❤️❤️

[shreddeddescent]

HI I HAVE DID AND AMBIGUOUS (CO)CSA HISTORY I FEEL VERY SEEN WITH THIS FIC AND IM ON CH30 AND IM VERY UPSET AO3 IS INTERMITTENTLY DOWN BECAUSE RAPH IS JUST LIKE ME AND PEOPLE THINK THESE FICS ARE TOO GROSS BUT I AM EXPERIENCING INSANE CATHARSIS. SAVE ME TRAUMA HOLDING COMPLIANT LITTLE GIRL PART IN A TRANSMASC BODY

AH! HI HELLO! i am sad that i cant even look at ao3 to remember where exactly that chapter is jadskf bUT REGARDLESS!!! thank you so much! catharsis is GOOD and im glad to be helping give you that!! ;A;

[shreddeddescent]

so like i did fuck up by like not having a plan for everything from the jump obviously, and letting it all just kinda reveal itself and vibing with it, and then it went on so long but then i started sharing up to the point i had it, then told myself i shouldnt share any more until id like. you know. planned it properly to the end? at least written out more than 3 more chapters? but obviously the burnout and employment parts of it all have made it so impossible to get back into writing it. i do have like... i wanna say 1.5 chapters written out, and every time i go back to it its like im smashing my head against the wall until i go 'oh wait i should do something else'

so like uh. that sucks and im sorry for that. but also i guess im not sorry cuz its my own fuckin. psychosis bullshit im simply sharing. im clearly not trying to market this shit to anyone im just making something insane and inviting you in, you know? but like...... UGH. i do know where i want it to go, i do know the bullet points IM JUST. struggling. to actually do it cuz i dont know how the FUCK i wrote well over 200 k words in the span of like a month or two in the first place! who wrote all that and how cuz i have such a hard time doing any of it now! maybe its just that i got better at it as i was going and thus more critical, or maybe just cuz the thought of NEEDING to do it for others is bothering me.... i dont know.

so like i am sorry for being so. sporadic in my posts and my ability to make anything. its not even that my interests have gone anywhere else this IS my favorite thing to do in my spare time but blugh. do i have the spoons to do it?? HOW do i?? it sucks!!!

[shreddeddescent]

[shreddeddescent]

This number is now 10! In three days!!! WHATS GOING ON

[shreddeddescent]

[shreddeddescent]

i give you guys permission to hold a gun to my head and make me draw or write something

[shreddeddescent]

Hope you're doing okay, pookie It's been a while so I thought I'd pop by with a reminder I love your problematic silly turtles. Hoping I get some time to draw them again soon *evil cackle*

YEah i mean. no but yeah. burning out hard making it hard to like make anything, but im like. here.

but i really appreciate that thank you

[shreddeddescent]

feel like im too autistic to work i want to just write about how raphael the ninja turtle is too traumatized to interact with humans for no reason HHHHHHHHHHHH