Random Musings of a Fanby.

They/Them. 34. Ace Ace Baby. Genderqueer. Unapologetic Dean fan (because he's pretty and broken and I want to cuddle him and pet his hair.) Adam Lambert hardcore fanby (he's my queen goddess.) Malec is the very blood in my veins. I'm weird, but adorkable. Also awesome. :P

[exquisite-evans]

The butterflies are AWAKE in my tummy over these new Heartstopper Forever stills 🥹🔥

I missed them terribly!!! Our babies came home!

[shriamato]

Hey, guess who is now a "real" artist with four mixed media Pride books on display at the public library for Pride Month?

That would be this queer here and the fact that they added two of Adam Lambert's albums to the display just makes it even better.

[charlesrowlandcentral]

(1x07) | (1x03) | (1x07)

-for @shaylogic

[shriamato]

He's so pretty 😍

[shriamato]

Having a busted hip and a painful ovarian cyst on the same side of the body so *so much fun*. Highly recommend.

[charlesrowlandcentral]

favorite Charles smiles - for @bikarma

[uservik]

— SHADOWHUNTERS (1.12) Malec happy 10 years to the malec first kiss! (FIRST AIRED MARCH 29, 2016)

[shriamato]

God, I fucking miss them.

[shriamato]

The absolutely worst kind of vindication is what you've spent months feeling that something was wrong with you body and being told that it's just anxiety and it's in your head and you need to stop stressing yourswlf out about it... only to end up going into the ED with sharp shooting abdominal pain and have a CT scan done that shows a cyst on the left ovary... that explains all the symptoms.

And then have to wait for days for PCP to respond to your messages about what was going on and finish a unnecessary course of antibiotics that just made you feel worse and it's a skeleton staff kind of day so going home isn't really an option.

[anotherlesbiandied]

one of my favorite recurring themes on tumblr is when someone starts watching supernatural for the first time thinking "they can't possibly be that gay in the actual show" only to find that they were even gayer in the actual show

[shriamato]

Guess who has an appointment to get stuck with a needle tomorrow?

[shriamato]

First shot complete. Barely felt it. Spent longer sitting in the car waiting for my appointment then I did in the chair getting the shot. A bit lightheaded and headachey, but nothing worse than my usual headache levels. I'm just happy I've got this started. Hopefully it helps ease up my anxiety some.

[shriamato]

My oddly specific tag:

My parents genuinely believe that the vaccine is the biblical mark of the beast and will alter your DNA so you're no longer human and therefore unable to enter Heaven.

There are so many things wrong with this, but the weirdest part is how they actually believed that this would somehow convince me to not get vaccinated.

I'm queer. I've always been queer. Even before I had words for it, I knew I was queer in the sense that I was just different. The kind of difference that they believe makes people less than human. The kind of difference that they believe will send someone to hell. The kind of difference they will condemn to hell themselves while preaching God's unconditional love.

In their belief system, I'm already not human and destined for hell. So what would ever make them think that I wouldn't go ahead and get vaccinated, even if it does do what they think it does? I'm already doomed. Might as well do my part to slow the spread and save lives and get us back to a somewhat normal existence. At least in the case of the vaccination, there would be a good reason for it, other than "the god who knew you and created you in his image with full knowledge of who and what you'd be has decided to instruct his followers that you are infact an abomination that must be mocked and shamed and discriminated again until you end up in hell for eternity".

So, bring on the DNA changes, parents. Maybe I'll get a sweet queer super power out of it.

[shriamato]

Second shot tomorrow! Thus far I've shown no signs of dna changes, and have flown entirely under the radar. I do wonder if the changes kick in immediately after second injection or if I have to wait the two weeks for the full changes to kick in? We'll see.

(this entire post has been typed with the heaviest of sarcasm possible.)

[shriamato]

Things I am:

Sorry parents, not sorry.

[shriamato]

Ironic life update.

I'm a Walgreens pharmacy technician now, almost through my first week of training.

And there is something comforting about sitting there, listening to people come in for their vaccines, reading about all the different ways I'm going to be helping making sure MORE people are vaxxed and healthy when three months ago I was in a house where "vaccine" was a curse word and conspiracy theories ran rampant.

Look at me, mom and dad. Your newly estranged, fully out, They/Them using genderqueer child is seriously, eventually, going to end up going for the multiple certifications needed to be one of the immunization technicians and I will think of you every single time I give someone their shot.

I'm quite proud of myself.

[shriamato]

Not even a full 2 months into 2024, and I'm officially a certified pharmacy technician and literally just passed my injection technique assessment to become an immunization technician an hour ago. Once it's officially approved, I'll be set to do vaccines. And I've already had a elder queer customer tell me they'd make a point of coming to me for their next shot when they found out I was training for it. Because the sheer difference that having a visibly queer person in a role like this makes is both amazing and heartbreaking. I'm proud to be visible for my community. I'm also terrified because it means having to start the conversation about having to be aware that the flip side of this is having customers who will not be okay with having a openly queer person doing their vaccines. No one in my pharmacy has had to even think about that, but I do. And I get to be the test run for how to handle it. It's a strange feeling, but I'm proud of myself for pushing through the discomfort and speaking up.

[shriamato]

Covid and Flu Immunization season has officially kicked off at work and I've already done at least 25 vaccinations myself in the last two weeks.

Yesterday I did vaccines for a lady who made the point to remind me that she was one of the first people I did an immunization on after my certification when I still had my pharmacist/senior techs shadowing me and told me I did good then and I did great now.

She asked me if I had plans to go back to school at all for furthering this career track and I told her that I'd love to, but more along the lines of mental health, as my goal is to work with queer youth in a more art therapy kind of thing. She got really teary eyed and started talking about how much that's needed in with everything going on and then stopped and made a point to ask me if I was in a safe space myself.

I was able to tell her that, thankfully, yes, I'm in a much better place now than I was just three years ago, and she was so happy to hear that. She asked if she could hug me as she was leaving. I said yes, of course.

She also made a point to stop and tell my manager how happy she was with our whole interaction.

These are the moments that make this all worthwhile.

[shriamato]

In my direct, I was the top vaccinator and the only one to break 1,000 since start of cold/flu season last year.

I've had so many people tell me that I'm incredible and they don't even feel it. I've had people terrified of needles walk out telling me that they will ask for me the next time they need shots because I made it as quick and stress free as possible for them.

I'm happy to be making my mark.

[shriamato]

The funny thing about being a chronic pain person is watching while the coworker who had knee surgery is given all the leeway and has all the other coworkees bending over backwards to help her during recovery when I had my two managers "negotiate" my legal accommodations to use a stool into two scheduled 15 mintue breaks (that I'm already legal entitled to anyway and still have to to have people cover said breaks) because those same coworkers thought I was lazy for using my stool through the day. It really hilights how different people treat chronic pain.

Today took it from sarcastic funny to me being able pinpoint the exact moment they lost me when I spent the entire day in severe spasms to the point of a splitting headache, impaired vision due to involuntary tearing up, and losing control of my hands and ended up with my manager telling me that I needed to suck it up or go home, despite not having any sick days left and being in my last strike.

All of which could've been avoided if I was allowed to use my stool when I'm stuck at the counter for 8 to 10 hours trying to be somewhat human. Instead they apparently prefer having one of their associates in visible distress at the counter dealing with customers.

All this to say, I'm gonna need to shift out of retail and customer facing roles.

I just hit 4 years there, I'm the number one vaccinator in our district and customers love me.

Suck it up, I guess.

[that-jerk-chara]

[shriamato]

So if I went through all the red tape of getting a long term accommodation for having a stool to sit on when my leg/hip is acting up, but coworkers think I'm lazy when I'm using it, despite me doing the same computer work that I'd be doing standing up. My managers "compromised" with me saying they would schedule two 15 minute breaks into my time (which is already something I'm legally allowed but hadn't been utilizing as much as I should have been) if I did my best to not use my stool. Fine, do that at least I get a breather from people that way.

Only my first break on my 10 hour shift is at 3pm, when 3 people are leaving, we're slammed and the next person won't be in for another 90 minutes. I ask my manager how we're gonna work it, because I *need* to sit and was told it wasn't her problem because she was leaving.

Icing on the cake is my annoying coworker having pulled my stool out in front of the registers because she was told she couldn't sit on the floor, and when I questioned my other manager why she was allowed my stool (without asking), she just shrugged and said she didn't really get a chance to use it anyway.

I'm tired of my legal accommodations being brushed aside like this. But I don't want to make bad blood here. I don't even know what to do.

[shriamato]

I hate feeling stuck because I can't do something until a certain date or a certain event lines up with me having a ride or the time or the money or the energy. I hate that I'm running myself ragged to the point of being sick and getting dangerously close to firing status on my work call offs because the stress of trying to get myself to and from work with most of my money covering the deficit that my BIL's part time job is putting the house in (and the job that is the whole reason I'm without transport for my actual steady full time 40 hours a week job that is keeping us just barely treading water) and being made to feel guilty because I'm too fucking burnt out to make my sister's birthday a big deal. Worse of all, I just spent several hours and more money than I should to make sure she has a birthday present from her child today, so she doesn't feel totally forgotten. (because her husband never thinks that far ahead.)

I'm fucking sick and tired and I just want to sleep but my body won't even let me do that.

[shriamato]

all that and the whole credit of the gift went to the child when it was from both of us. I feel so fucking appreciated.

[shriamato]

I hate feeling stuck because I can't do something until a certain date or a certain event lines up with me having a ride or the time or the money or the energy. I hate that I'm running myself ragged to the point of being sick and getting dangerously close to firing status on my work call offs because the stress of trying to get myself to and from work with most of my money covering the deficit that my BIL's part time job is putting the house in (and the job that is the whole reason I'm without transport for my actual steady full time 40 hours a week job that is keeping us just barely treading water) and being made to feel guilty because I'm too fucking burnt out to make my sister's birthday a big deal. Worse of all, I just spent several hours and more money than I should to make sure she has a birthday present from her child today, so she doesn't feel totally forgotten. (because her husband never thinks that far ahead.)

I'm fucking sick and tired and I just want to sleep but my body won't even let me do that.

[shriamato]

I'm tired of decisions that impact me without ever being consulted. Not like I'm a contributing adult member of this household or anything. Tell me a fucking week in advance that I'm gonna have to figure out rides to and probably from work 5 days a week with no access to a car and a bank account that is literally over $100 overdrawn due to me having to cover the deficit that BIL's new job training in no way covered.

[fear0phobia]

a charles drawing I did for the lovely @tumblerislovetumblerislife

[dinkeydina]

he has no right to be this pretty