Boy of a Thousand Voices

"We're" Super High School Level Seiyuu Irino Kiyoyuki Status: Alive

[shsl-senkoe]

Breakdown of Kiyoyuki Irino, Part 4

This should be the final part! I’m glad if you guys all read and enjoyed this.

The first thing he does is check on Miya. He’s awkward and flustered by her every word but he’s sincere and that may end up being the most important thing. He’s trying to be kind without being seen as flirty because he really doesn’t have the confidence to even be flirty. Even saying someone is pretty (outside of his idol persona which has been destroyed anyway) would be enough to make his whole face go red, each word spluttered. He’s actually bad with teenagers and even worse with teenage girls. Without his persona he feels helpless and that’s why his interactions with Miya are often so awkward. But they’re good. And key. Miya brings out some of Kiyoyuki’s better qualities. He is honest to a fault, even, with her. By this point, most of his disguises and mimicry has stopped. That’s why he can tell Miya that he doesn’t feel his crying and sensitive qualities are so bad anymore. Because if he can express them well it means others won’t have to. Or that he can do it on their behalf.

Jiang-li and Kiyoyuki reminisce about the dead and Kiyoyuki again comes to terms with the fact that they were all kids. Just fearful kids. No one here is really evil or bad.

Though... Kiyoyuki is kind but he can’t quite forgive Nana for her actions. Part of it is him taking out frustration on her because he blindly trusted in Kaitaro, Sumiko AND Aiko. He doesn’t want to be naive again so he remains harsh... but Kiyoyuki isn’t very good at being harsh. The words he says are meaner than his intentions. He even says it himself:

“Tell me it’s not stupid to trust you. Swear you’ll never do something like this again or– or– I don’t know… but please help make me believe that we can still do this as a team.” 

He really just wants to believe in her. He wants this to hurry up and go away so they can work together. At his heart, he is naive, like it or not. He is a creature made to believe. This isn’t something that goes away with development.

That’s why when the motive rolls out and the video he sees pictures the Gingerbread Man acting shady, Kiyoyuki seeks him out and talks it over. HE doesn’t want to jump to conclusions. And when Gingie calls him out on perhaps favouring Jiang over him Kiyoyuki thinks it over and apologises properly. Because he’s learned to see past appearances, even his own, he tries his best to respect people... and not just respect them, but equally. For a while he’d been hero-worshipping Kyo in the same vein as Tetsuo. It helped that they didn’t talk much so Kiyoyuki could keep the ideal in his head. To Kyo, he acts a bit rigid, again, like with Tetsuo. But it melts away. All of it does.

Since the one that dies is Gingie, Kiyoyuki feels all the more determined to find out who did it. He doesn’t want to have been the one to spread panic and Gingie deserves peace of mind. It’s not just for Gingie; it’s because it’s the right thing to do. At Chapter 4, Kiyoyuki is pretty much fully developed and changed. He searches for the murderer not out of fear, of duty, of some dedication to someone dead or guilt... it is because he is compassionate and he is driven to do the right thing. After Jiang-li is revealed to be the killer, we see Kiyoyuki go through all of his development and thoughts at once. He wonders why he wasn’t the hero he was supposed to be, why the haircut didn’t magically make him capable, why so many people died and why he couldn’t save them. Jiang-li was a good person, more than any other killer he understood Jiang. The lack of self-worth, the fear, the deep sadness... he could never hate her. Again, it wasn’t her fault, but, why, when he had the same problems, was he unable to save her?

In the end, he comes to his own terms. He still doesn’t see himself all that positively. His deep self-loathing and shame have a ways to go even if he’s come a long way. He can’t consider himself a hero or anything good when so many have died... but he also can’t allow himself to wallow in sadness when others are hurting. And he definitely can’t let Monobear get away with this. His assets shine bright once again; Kiyoyuk is kind and he believes in better. Even if it isn’t good now it should be better. And because it should be better, he works to make it so. He will keep the memories of others forever in his heart. By keeping their memories, mimicking their voices and continuing on... Kiyoyuki is in fact, what he always wanted to be. Strong. He doesn’t see it himself but it’s clear.

The interaction with Akihito is riddled with apologies and awkwardness but it shows just how far the two of them have come. In chapter three, there was still a strange distance as they investigated and in four, as Kiyoyuki thinks on his relationships with people and who they really are, he comes to terms with the fact that Akihito is no more evil than anyone else. In fact, they’re pretty similar. They hang out after apologies and Kiyoyuki even demonstrates his Kyo voice. They have finally become friends.

In the final trial we get to see the new and real Kiyoyuki in his full glory. Goofy at times, awkward, but kind. He is determined to get the cure with or without Sumiko. Even as she dies, he can’t find himself quite able to just write her off as a bad person, a villain. He can’t bring himself to believe everything she said and did... that they were all lies. She cared deep down. She wasn’t quite the victim the rest of them were but she was still a person. Still, he’s not going to take her up on some deal, not when he promised the others he’d end this. And there’s no way he’s going to let anyone else die or get hurt. If there’s a cure out there, they’ll surely find it. Because that’s the way things should be, even if they aren’t. And if he believes in something strong enough... it should come true. He wants it to. Maybe that’s illogical but this has become his strong point. Maybe he’s not the smartest, the smoothest or strongest but his heart will always believe. And that’s a powerful thing.

For wrap-up details I’d say Kiyoyuki had the good fortune to be in RRR because most of his interactions were really awesome. The cast bounced off each other so well and it was such a pleasure honestly. The most important interactions I had were with Kaitaro, Miya, Tetsuo, Akihito and Jiang-li. But everyone really helped me with the development and all the characters were so good. It was great for me to see Kiyoyuki go from a shining idol persona to despair to a faked bravery to a real bravery in the end. He’s not perfect even now but he’s so much better than he was and he’ll get even better in the future. It’s likely that after everything that happened in RRR he has a very close bond with all the survivors but I think he would learn to think of Akihito as a best friend, Harper as a friendly rival, Nana as a good friend and Miya as his closest friend and probably crush. Miya provided the first of many things for Kiyoyuki and she actually helped him become brave. I doubt he’d ever do anything big with his feelings since he has no confidence in himself and would botch anything if he even tried. In his mind, despite everything, he is still below Tetsuhiro and more desirable guys in the world even if he has come to terms with some of his negative traits. Still, you never know right?

Also, for Kiyoyuki... he really never would forget those that died. Tetsuo, Jiang-li, Antoinette, Kaitaro and, of course Sumiko, in particular will always be remembered. He may pick up several habits or hobbies thanks to them. And he would always be on the lookout for their friends and family, to see if they’re okay or let them know what happened. Kiyoyuki is a person who doesn’t forget!

If you read all of this, thank you so much, it was fun to write up and Kiyoyuki is probably one of my favourite characters so it really was a pleasure. If you have any questions I’d be happy to answer them and forgive any possibly grammar mistakes or typos, I ended up getting so excited finishing this that I just totally rushed it. I could honestly probably write about Kiyoyuki forever, this was already pretty in-depth but I can always think of other things to say. Once again, thanks to everyone in RRR and anyone who had an interest in this OC!

[shsl-senkoe]

Breakdown of Kiyoyuki Irino, Part 3

Onto part three…

Because of the cut hair, Kiyoyuki feels a buzz of energy and motivation. There’s a lot to do; many people are suffering and he has to be there for them. In his mind, he is trying to reach an ideal so his goal is to do whatever it takes to make it there. The ideal being, a person as good as Tetsuo Shingen. It’s still a bit of a disguise, like his idol persona, but one he doesn’t realise is on so much. Still, there’s plenty of the real Kiyoyuki to see here. To Jiang-li, who needs comfort, Kiyoyuki says: ‘Kindness isn’t weakness’ and this is something core to him. Because it took him a while to realise that himself. For a long time Kiyoyuki was kind to be liked, to be seen as dependable. But without realising it, he had always been rather kind. It’s just that when he saw his own kindness as sincere he recoiled from it, again, afraid that it would be seen as a girly sensitive feeling. The truth is Kiyoyuki has always been kind but he’s been afraid of that. With Jiang-li he admits that kindness isn’t weakness like he’d previously thought so she has no reason to feel this way. He also sees insecurity in Jiang, insecurity that he very much empathises with. She doesn’t believe she should even be alive since Tetsuo was so beloved. It makes him feel a pang of guilt since he also fawned over Tetsuo. But that’s no different than people idolizing Tetsuhiro over him. So he especially takes care of Jiang and has a special sympathy and empathy for her. To Jiang he actually gives advice he needs himself. It’s not very graceful to express yourself but sometimes it’s for the best. Without even knowing it, Kiyoyuki tells Jiang-li the solutions that would work for his own problems. When you’re playing hero, you don’t even notice the obvious stuff.

Kiyoyuki breaks down in front of Tetsuo’s AE, though. Tetsuo tells him he was trying to bring out his inner strength, not his physical strength and Kiyoyuki feels ashamed for thinking the same old pessimistic thoughts prior. He admits to Tetsuo he saw him as a hero and not as a person and that he regrets not being able to have a normal conversation with him. This is a very important thread because it shows Kiyoyuki can become more than the ‘dramatic haircut’ and a mimicry of Tetsuo. Because Tetsuo believes in him. He cries in front of him and although he remains a little bashful he’s not as ashamed as he usually is. Gradually, Kiyoyuki accepts this crybaby aspect of him as part of himself too.

He takes this new-found courage into a conversation with Kaitaro who, in a strange twist of fate, has become the pessimistic one. They find themselves switching places as Kiyoyuki berates Kaitaro for giving up and Kaitaro hates him for throwing it back in their face. Kiyoyuki is so desperate to wake Kaitaro up because he can see that it’s wrong to wallow now. But at the same time, being this much of a busybody and acting ‘disappointed’ when he was not really much better is a bit hypocritical. The interaction ends badly. And it gets worse. At this point it doesn’t matter what the motive is because Kiyoyuki’s so deep into his justice thinking that he can’t imagine killing anyone. No, he’d rather die like an idiot than kill someone because that’s wrong and cowardly and he could never do that to Tetsuo, who expects him to be better. Noting that Tetsuo never said he expects Kiyoyuki to be better, more that that’s how it’s processed.

Kaitaro, Nana and Sumiko are all dead. At least, Nana appears dead. It turns out she was just injured. But Sumiko, who had been kind to him and Kaitaro who he’d been desperate to save take a heavy toll on him. All the deaths really take a toll on Kiyoyuki. It’s key to his character that he cares so much. His tears can be seen as weakness, he sees them as such, but in actuality it is a product of caring too much.

Aiko is not taking Sumiko’s death well. Prior to the murder, Aiko had seemed out of it but she quickly brightened up. Still, Kiyoyuki is perceptive and suspected she was still suffering; he merely assumed she didn’t trust him enough to tell him about it. Here there’s another opportunity to help her and he swoops in to try and support her. Again, Kiyo’s speech style changes to more authoritative and Tetsuo-like. He has the unhappy habit of mimicking ‘cooler people’ when he wants to be seen as brave and dependable. When Aiko has her slip of the tongue, Kiyoyuki’s usual embarrassed self pours back out, no problem.

The trial arrives and... Aiko, the one who he felt needed him, is the killer. Nana wasn’t that innocent either, shocking, as she was so close to Tetsuo, his idol. Hell, even Kaitaro and Sumiko were planning something. In this case, absolutely no one was innocent. Aiko was not only a killer, but the mole. This great betrayal shakes something up in Kiyoyuki. Aiko’s no better than Kemono, who Kiyoyuki still views as pure evil. And yet, she had seemed so sincere at times, so needy... a sukeban, maybe, but lonely. He thought he could help. He feels stupid for being so emotional, so invested and he writes off Aiko’s words as more lies. He really isn’t sure if she’d take him along or not but even if she had, he wouldn’t have wanted that. His place is here now and he has to help the others. Even so, Kiyoyuki can’t hate Aiko the way he hated Kemono and it makes him actually reconsider Kemono who honestly, he hadn’t known very well. His mindset changes from one of black and white to people are people. And the only villain is whoever’s behind this.

Kiyoyuki’s definitely developed more but he still retains the enviable qualities of kindness and hope. Rather than shutting himself in a cynical shell, Kiyoyuki again reaches out to people. Aiko had betrayed him and he had failed Kaitaro but that was all the more reason he had to try harder. So he didn’t fail people again. He’s pushing himself too hard but in doing so the pale imitation of Tetsuo is falling away and more and more of the real Kiyoyuki is coming through. Again, his interactions with Miya are among the most honest. We’ll see more of that later in the final part!

[shsl-senkoe]

Breakdown of Kiyoyuki Irino, Part 2

REALLY BELATED BUT I FELT INSPIRED SO... have part two...

During the trial Kiyoyuki had been using a special gift of his... watching. Kiyoyuki is an interesting case as he’s very good at reading people but only when he doesn’t realize it. He immediately picks out Kyo Otonomiya and Tetsuo Shingen as worthy idols. They are tall, strong and handsome. They aren’t cute. Intelligent, as they go through proof and prove Kemono guilty, and calm as they handle the proceedings relatively respectfully. On top of that, they look strong; tough; brave. If you fought with them, you would surely lose. He makes them, in his mind, the ideal to achieve. He needs something to cling to, after all. With this in mind, things go back to normal and Kiyoyuki is seen with a very muted, dull and thoughtful personality, having been emotionally drained.

The beginning of the second chapter has Kiyoyuki’s real self begin to pour in more naturally. He first speaks with Kaitaro again, who is becoming a safe space to him. Although Kiyoyuki is still paranoid and afraid for his life for some reason he sees Kaitaro as safe; perhaps because Kemono also listed them as a target and he recalls the slap from before. He, whether he admits it or not, trusts Kaitaro a bit and thinks they have good intentions. They ask how he feels and he opens up a bit. We also see that despite using Eiji to feel good about himself he did in fact, care. We see him remembering Eiji’s voice. At this point, his mentality is still white and black. He can write off Eiji as pure, White, and Kemono as evil, Black. Therefore Kemono gets no pity. They were unrepentant to the end, what’s there to doubt? They were wrong. His interaction with Miya is just as muted; Miya is trying to put on a brave face but Kiyoyuki’s hardly playing along. He’s dead inside and he can’t get his mind off the atrocities. But the key interaction here is Tetsuo.

Oh Kiyoyuki makes a beeline for Tetsuo, alright. Tetsuo is the absolute idol. He’s the police chief, the hero of justice. He’s everything good Kiyoyuki can think of, and in this situation, Kiyoyuki knows he has to get strong fast. His solution is to run to Tetsuo not for protection but to become strong. This does actually make him a bit stronger but Kiyoyuki won’t realize that until later. The very fact he’s proactive in this right is progress for him.

The next motive appears. Secrets. His paranoia rears it’s ugly head but lowers upon seeing his secret hasn’t been gotten by anybody. Knowing it could get him murdered if he gets someone’s secret, Kiyoyuki opts to not use the machine, preferring the ignorance and possible safety to the threat of death. He isn’t strong enough yet, he needs more practice with Tetsuo. In the infirmary, Kiyoyuki is looking for some sleeping pills having had troubles sleeping on a good day, this problem worsening. It isn’t something he shares. He also considers taking some poison when Akihito returns and brings back some bad memories. Akihito, to Kiyoyuki, is another Kemono waiting to happen and he’s quick to prove he’s not like Eiji; he’s defiant this time. Stronger. He forgives Akihito... so he says, but Kiyoyuki is most certainly not over it. Not by a long shot.

Then it all crashes down. Tetsuo dies and a little part of Kiyoyuki dies too. The part that believes good will triumph over evil. The hope that everything will be alright. But he can’t go back to being the Kiyoyuki of the first chapter. Instead he does his best to emulate, as best as he can in his fragile state, Tetsuo himself. He can’t grieve too much because Nana is already plenty sad and Gingie isn’t taking it well either. The two are clashing and, Kiyoyuki, attempting to channel his inner Tetsuo (in his mind anyway) does his best to quell the sparks so they can investigate.

“I won’t. Forget them, I mean. And you won’t either. I don’t believe that. We should cooperate… it’s what he’d want.”

This is something he says to Gingie. It’s true in some parts but it’s mostly Kiyoyuki’s hope. Despite starting off as a pessimistic character what drives Kiyoyuki is, in fact, his hope. He just doesn’t realise it’s there yet. He has no idea if it’s what Tetsuo would’ve really wanted but it’s what he thinks Tetsuo would want. And for that reason, he can go on.

When Aiko Oshiro tells him to accompany her he is alarmed but ready and happy to help. Perhaps he’s already gleaming like a hero, like Tetsuo was. Harper Michaels joins them and Kiyoyuki is oblivious to Aiko’s gushing.

Then, Antoinette is found out to be the killer and there’s a conflict in his heart. Tetsuo hadn’t blamed her. And she hadn’t meant to do it. It was all just one big mistake. That meant he couldn’t view Antoinette like he did Kemono; it meant that she wasn’t evil. She had been targeting Jiang-li which was still bad but... this brings up a lot of conflict. After Antoinette’s execution, Kiyoyuki continues his path to be strong. He cuts his hair, determined to fill the place Tetsuo left... whilst also believing he could never do such a thing. Although Kiyoyuki does seem more hopeful and energetic after his haircut his development is by no means over. The mere act of cutting his hair is proof of that; he still, even now, relies on tropes and this idea of masculinity. If he cuts off his ponytail, his long hair, to be seem more manly, then he will, in turn, become more manly. In TV shows the hair cut leads to development. He is still mimicking ideas.

But don’t worry, this mimicry leads to real bravery.

But there’s more on that later.

[shsl-senkoe]

Breakdown of Kiyoyuki Irino, Part 1

Since the group’s finished and I’m still feeling a lot of lingering attachment I thought I’d write a post on Kiyoyuki. How he acts, why, his relationships with characters throughout, the ups and the downs... all of it.

This is going to be long so I’m going to break it into parts.

This part runs through a basic prologue of his backstory and chapter one, up to the first execution.

Let’s begin with the beginning.

Kiyoyuki Irino’s persona. As a seiyuu.

The first thing that’s worth noting is that Kiyoyuki never even wanted to be a seiyuu. His dream was acting. He practised karaoke and characters by himself because from a young age he was already in the shadow his older brother Tetsuhiro. Now Tetsuhiro is able to achieve everything Kiyoyuki wants to easily and his parents, who love the life of showbiz, love that their son has made it. Kiyoyuki... never really does make it. As he goes to auditions he is repeatedly shot down because he doesn’t look the part of the main character, the one he seeks to be so desperately. This becomes key. In his mind he wants to hurry up and achieve the masculine ideal; to be a hero. Kiyoyuki takes the voice acting gigs as a way of getting to where he wants to be. He’s good at it and he practices all the time, still chasing the dream. The dream he is, again, never meant to reach.

So as he gets into voice acting he gets deeper into his persona. He’s polite, sweet and kind. If he can’t achieve the ideal yet, he’ll play the part that’s been given, the pure young snowflake, naive to the world and how it works. This persona works for him; it charms people and makes him accessible. It’s not something he believes because at this point Kiyoyuki has already become paranoid, something else that’s key. This paranoia makes him believe that everyone can overtake him and replace him - easily. Having Tetsuhiro in his life take jobs and do things so easily is what puts this fear in him. So Kiyoyuki works himself to death, sacrificing potentials friendships, sleep, hobbies - just so he can keep his spot in the world. It’s the only thing giving him meaning.

Roll to the beginning of the RP.

Kiyoyuki’s confused, sure, but his persona is in full force. He is confidently living in his fake skin, being polite to everyone. It’s Miya Iwazumi that first throws him off-course with ‘Kiyoyu’. That hurts him but he won’t admit it. It sounds like a cute girly nickname. He’s not cute and girly, he’s not weak. A girl just coming up to him and using his first name? He’s not used to that and it knocks his persona off. He desperately claws it back but the damage is done. Here again we see the crux of Kiyo’s character; what it means to be a boy and the expectations of it.

Nana Yasuda and Eiji Iseri’s interactions are also important. Meeting Eiji makes Kiyoyuki feel good; you can immediately see him act very, very kindly. This isn’t genuine kindness on his part. It’s him feeling good that he’s not the weakest person here. It’s a sense of superiority and he’s revelling in it. As for Nana, again, his persona gets shattered to pieces. He reveals himself for the immature child he is and he hates that. He’s embarrassed, in more ways than one! Kaitaro Kobayashi has an important has an important role to play here too. Kaitaro is mature; not like most kids. Kiyoyuki is bad with people his own age; he sacrificed his free time for practice and finds social gatherings awkward because he’s not good at it. Too much pretending tires him out and he has no idea how to hold a proper conversation. Why would he-- he’s never had a friend. Fans, sure, they put him on a pedestal and admire his shiny persona. Friends who know him? None. He won’t let people get that close. So Kaitaro’s mature disposition cools him down and he feels no pressure around them which is helpful. They clean together and Kiyoyuki’s need to clean rears it’s head, his need to keep everything just so, a fear of dirt due to his situation at home which has traumatized him.

But enough of that! The murder games become official and Kiyoyuki’s persona pretty much just melts right off. He likes his comfortable space. He’s already been dragged out of his comfort zone but this is just smashing it to pieces and somewhere he has nowhere to hide. His pathetic self is there for everyone to see and he breaks into pieces, having no confidence in himself and a lot of paranoia.

No win Jiang-li de la Rosa he finds someone to protect. Someone to make him feel better than himself; this is how it should be after all, a boy protects a girl, he’s strong and she needs a hand. He clings to this relationship, comforting Jiang, feeling good about it. On the other hand, enter Akihito Ozu who ruins everything. Kiyoyuki is still desperately clawing to whatever scraps of his persona remain. Akihito’s harsh words say one thing to Kiyoyuki: he should believe in his delusional negative fears. All of them. They’re all out to get him. Akihito confirms it. When Kiyoyuki accepts this as the truth he breaks down like a child, panicking, screaming, crying. He immediately views Akihito as black, evil. It makes him feel better because he’s the victim here. Kaitaro influences Kiyoyuki a lot. He’d met Kaitaro prior, having had a pleasant conversation and Kaitaro continues to be please but Kiyoyuki is in a full panic and believes EVERYONE is the enemy. That Kaitaro is placating him -- that he’s a child. Feminine. Weak. Again, the repeated fear. Then Kaitaro does something shocking; they slap him. He’s never been hit before. He’s emotionally distance from his parents and he’s been in pain but to be hit by a person, someone who should adore him, he hopes, shocks him silly. He doesn’t want Kaitaro to abandon him so he begins, again, childishly apologizing, abandoning the persona for simple comfort. Kaitaro is firm but not cruel. It teaches Kiyoyuki, in a subtle fashion, that what he’s doing is not acceptable. Kemono Ito’s threat is much like Akihito’s proving that he is a potential target; he is in danger and he has a lot to fear.

Sumiko Ihara’s words, on the other hand, emotionally challenge him. ‘Isn’t that kinda moe’ she says when he reveals some of his doubts. He immediately recoils and reacts negatively. Moe is not for a guy like him, it’s not what he wants. And he doesn’t believe in it, either. He will not be forgiven nor seen as cute and appealing because he has always been in the shadows. He has never been enough. Showbiz is harsh. His persona may be light and fluffy but he knows that the real world isn’t kind and if he shows weakness he’s done for. But Sumiko has been kind to him so he is kind in turn, albeit a bit short given the sensitive subject. When Antoinette has her room flooded, Kiyoyuki is eager to try and help despite his fear creeping up again. Always ready to help someone else to make himself feel better.

And then the first body appears. It’s Eiji. Of course it is.

In a way this is one of the worst possible people it could’ve been next to Jiang-li. Eiji was Kiyoyuki’s trump card, in his head. Eiji’s the easy target. With Eiji out of the way, who does that make the next easiest target? Light... short... girlish... weak. It’s him. And he’s terrified. He screams until he loses his voice and outright runs away, investigating nothing. The Gingerbread Man and Antoinette are there for him but he’s beyond consolation, crushed and having lost his voice. 

The first killer was Kemono themselves again, confirming a huge fear of Kiyoyuki’s. The person who said they were going to kill did kill. And they killed a weak target. And they mentioned him by name. You, Kaitaro or Eiji. Not only that but Eiji had saved his life in a way. With a naive mistake yes, but in a way he’d been rescued. This was the opposite of everything he wanted. He couldn’t trust anyone. He was scared.

He was going to die unless he killed someone.

But the story thickens... in the next part.

[shslnakoudo-blog]

Thank you!

[shsl-senkoe]

A Softer (W)Roulette

Otherwise known as I’m dying inside thanks a lot RRR

[shsl-senkoe]

E  N D G A M E ☢ P L A Y L I S T

Thanks for playing!

Tracklist under the cut.

Kate Bush - Hounds of Love (Eiji Iseri) Imogen Heap - Speeding Cars (Kemono Ito) Jimmy Eats World - Hear You Me (Tetsuo Shingen) Moby - Natural Blues (Antoinette Adheir) Garbage - Stupid Girl (Terumi Miuchi) The Birthday Massacre - The Long Way Home (Kaitaro Kobayashi) Melanie Martinez - Pity Party (Aiko Oshiro) Metric - Dreams So Real (The Gingerbread Man) Plumb - Invisible (Jiang-li de la Rosa ) Placebo - You Don't Care About Us (Kyo Otonomiya) Powerman 5000 - Super Villain (Sumiko Ihara) Shinedown - Unity (Harper Michaels) DyE - Fantasy (Nana Yasuda) Fall Out Boy - Young Volcanoes (Akihito Ozu) Sleeping At Last - You Are Enough (Kiyoyuki Irino) Ingrid Michaelson - Everybody (Miya Iwazumi) The Goo Goo Dolls - Better Days (The End.)

[shsl-senkoe]

[Task☆Eight] The Only Thing I Have Left To Guide Me | Open

[shslnakoudo-blog]

What a speech. It was just like him, that sentimentality, and again Miya found herself impressed by that aspect of him. “Yeah, that is totally cheesy~” she giggled, feeling some tension lifting already as she did. “But not in a bad way. I wanna believe that stuff, too.”

Kiyoyuki’s expression changed and Miya shook her head, hesitating before trying to reassure him. But no, honesty was the new policy. “I’m okay. I just… people are always relying on me, y’know? They always have… before all this, too.” It felt strange, saying something like that so candidly. A few weeks ago she would have laughed at the thought of expressing herself this way. “That’s what people need me for, so I can’t be scared, right? I gotta be cool. Someone worth relying on. That’s how I felt, anyway, like it was my only option.”

Man, she was on the verge of unloading her life whole story here, wasn’t she? Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad after all, despite her instincts screaming at her to shut up before she dug herself any deeper into this hole. But those instincts were the crux of the problem – holding herself back had so far only led to regret.

“But I wanna be done with that now. It’s not really helping, not to mention… exhausting. And like you said, we’re in this together. So you’ll forgive me if I’m a little uncool sometimes, right~?” Miya laughed, a flimsy mask over her honest self-deprecation. Kiyoyuki would believe in her, she was sure of it, but even being sure wasn’t enough to shake her irrational fear completely.

[shsl-senkoe]

That stung a little... okay, he knew it was cheesy but she didn’t have to confirm it was cheesy, did she? Well, maybe she did. Maybe in some way that kept him grounded. In any case, that was just like Miya. It’s not like she disliked it anyway, so he supposed there was no harm in it.

For once Miya seems was talkative... and not in the usual suave way, either. It was a moment of honesty. And perhaps it was bad to want people to show their weaknesses but he couldn’t help but feel this was a good thing. For one, how long had Miya been keeping these sorts of things to herself? He knew he’d been depending on her, for one. Perhaps without even meaning to he’d been pressuring her, too. But that could change now.

“Iwazumi-chan, that’s...”

He pauses for a moment and then shakes his head.

“What’s there to forgive? Isn’t that natural? You’ve been working so hard... all on your own! If anyone should be apologizing, it’s us. So I guess I should say sorry for letting you handle everything like this on your own. We... I definitely relied on you too much. You’re a person, too. have feelings and doubts, too. So it’s okay to be who you are and say what you want! I’ll be ther for you this time, I promise. You won’t have to worry on your own anymore. I mean, being frightened, being unsure... I don’t find that uncool at all! Or I guess m-maybe it is, but, if your’re uncool then I’m a million times more uncool than you are. I mean, you’ve seen me at my worst so many times... so... actually I’m not so proud of that... b-but you know, I’ll be there to hear you out and help you from now on!”

Kiyoyuki’s eager to end that trainwreck of a sentence. His eyes wander as he considers what it means to be, quite possibly, the uncoolest person here. I mean. Yeah, that’s embarrassing. And it’s probably true Miya’s caught most of his worst moments. Even before the mutual killing he’d shown himself off somewhat as a complete loser. He partly wonders if she knew his true colours even from that moment.

“O-okay okay Iwazumi-chan! It’s time for a change of pace and change of subject! Okay! Right, I can do this!”

He wasn’t supposed to say that part aloud. Upon realizing this, he mentally kicks himself.

“You’re always cheering me up so it’s my turn to cheer you up! So, don’t think too hard and just be yourself! It’s your day today so um, you can do whatever you want, talk about what you want, hang out or whatever-- but this time I’ll be here so you’re not alone.“

Kiyoyuki nods, happy to finally provide something to this seemingly one-sided friendship until he realizes perhaps he’s being a bit too forward here. He’s quick to flail his hands about, any traces of anything deep, cool or serious completely replaced by his trademark flustered garbling and flushed face.

“I-I mean, only if you want, I’m not forcing anything! Iwazumi-chan should prioritize herself first here, that’s all!”

[shslelectricslide]

[Task☆Eight] The Only Thing I Have Left To Guide Me | Open

Akihito was.. incredibly relieved. This was an odd feeling in a place like this. He was making real friends.. he wasn’t scared anymore. Now that it was just down to these for kids, people who we was really becoming friends with.. he didn’t feel like he had anymore reasons to be afraid. He’s never felt this safe, even before getting locked in this place.

But tears fell from his eyes as he got to hear one last message from Otonomiya… hopefully the last of them.

“……Y-yer really good at that, y’know? Ya even use big silly words, like he used t’…” the smallest of chuckles escaped him as he said that. That eloquent way he spoke.. sometimes Akihito had to sweet clue what that guy was even saying, but in the end he always understood. He felt like he could just fall apart, but something else held him together..

Kyo Otonomiya… his first friend. They had their ups and downs, and hell, Akihito could have been a way better friend to him.. The last time they talked before his death, Kyo had to slap him in the face after losing it. If only he could have made things better.. less stressful for Kyo instead of harder. He always made things harder.. but now, instead of dwelling.. he wanted to change that.

“Thanks, man.. Yer way better at doin’ voices than I thought, that was spot on.” He sniffed, wiping his eyes. “I-I needed that.. I really wanna try an’ not be th’ guy people have t’ keep consoling. I’m gonna try an’ be more like Bro and Chief… I wanna stop worryin’ everyone an’ upsettin’ people. Y’know.. like what I did t’ you. Shame it only took ‘til we had four people left fer me t’ come t’ this decision, huh?” He wiped his eyes, trying to calm down and regain his composure.

“No more Mr. Crybaby fer me~ Now let’s go play games! I still got th’ one ya signed fer me when we first got here! That things gonna stay in mint condition! While we’re at it, ya were close with th’ Chief, right? I can tell ya all about th’ gaggle o’ girls he keeps locked up in his room. Huhuhu~” He shoves his hands in his pockets, strolling toward the dorms.

[shsl-senkoe]

It’s a bittersweet scene. On one hand, he’s so glad to finally be here with Akihito, to find this moment of peace and understanding, after all the conflicts and fights they’d shared. Even though they shared so much in common, too... and yet, he can’t really be happy about making the guy cry even if it isn’t really his fault. This time. The tears are probably more out of nostalgia than they are out of outright grief, but they’re still real and he understands that emotion. After everyone they’ve lost... after everything they’ve been through...

Kiyoyuki would understand anyone crying, honestly.

“... Yeah...”

It’s a dumb reply and he’s got a lot more in his head that he wants to say but it’s not coming out. Just looking at Akihito like this makes his head empty itself and he just finds himself trying not to stare too much at any one thing for too long. What should he say?

‘Yeah, I always admired the way he used all those words, he seemed so smart’

‘I miss him too’

‘Thank you for the compliment’

Each time he considered something it seemed insensitive and he ended up saying nothing. Hopefully that, too, wasn’t insensitive. Geez, conversations really were hard.

“... It’s not just you. I wish I’d come to this decision earlier, too. I’ve really, really made all this trouble for everyone... for you. Shingen-san told me that ‘I wasn’t pathetic’ and I had to stop doubting myself but I kinda fear that even after he told me that... well, I just kept making mistakes. It’s really stupid it took this long but at least I’m here now. And I don’t wanna let anyone down anymore. So I guess we have the same sorts of resolutions. Thanks for giving me a second chance, it means a lot. I won’t let you down! Let’s work hard together, okay? For everyone’s sake!”

He nods, regaining his confidence as he speaks. That’s right, it’s not just about him, he doesn’t have to do all this cool character development stuff on his own... because he’s not alone. Not anymore. Those of them that remain and those of them who they’ve lost... they’re all a part of him now, in some way, shape or form. In emotional little pieces, lessons, words, memories, courage... things he wouldn’t let himself forget nor let them be in vain.

He feels his cheeks redden as Akihito reveals not only that he kept that signed game (even when they were on bad terms? That kinda means a lot) but that he knew something about the chief and ... a gaggle of girls?! Kiyoyuki blinks and can’t quite stop his mouth from dropping open.

“You really kept that... t-thanks... that actually... it’s a surprise... but I don’t mean it as a bad thing, I’m really REALLY happy! Thank you Ozu-kun, really! That other thing though... r-regarding Shingen-san... w-wait, what do you mean... is that really true? G-gaggle of g-g-girls?! Shingen-san was t-that sort of person?! Who kept p-people on the side... that can’t be true...”

His face contorts in absolute worry over scandalous misunderstandings in his own mind.

[shsl-senkoe]

[Task☆Eight] The Only Thing I Have Left To Guide Me | Kiyoyuki&Harper

[shslspraycan]

Harper smiles at Kiyoyuki’s obvious distress, trying to help put him at ease a little.  “Yeah, I feel that.  It was pretty similar when I cut most of mine off, y’know?  Well, except that was more of a self-expression thing than anything else, so it felt kinda good looking at myself in the mirror and seeing someone who actually looked a bit more like how I, uh… how I felt on the inside.  Yeah.”  He nods solidly, satisfied this is something they can connect over.

The seiyuu seems determined to drive the conversation in to more morbid territory, however - small talk never quite does seem to be enough in this place, even though it’s the only talk Harper is any good at.  But time spent with Akihito has left him in a really pleasant mood, and one he’s quite determined to transfer to Kiyoyuki if he possibly can.

“It’s okay, man.  You don’t have to worry about putting your foot in your mouth around me.”  Gently, he claps the other boy on the shoulder, much as he had been clapped just moments before - it’s an odd feeling, but touching people on his own terms is a lot easier than being touched in return.  Still, he doesn’t leave his hand there for long, just in case it does get weird.

“As for me, I’m okay.  A lot better than okay, actually, which is probably pretty bad given the circumstances.  I dunno.”  Harper averts his eyes, just for a second.  “Chalk it up to the feeling of a moment.  It’s nothing.  I hope you’re okay too.”

He comes back to what Kiyoyuki said about lifting the spirits of the others, though.  It’s not a bad idea - it’s actually something Harper would like to do.  Of the remaining students, there’s really only one he’s not too keen on… and even to exclude her seems petty and pointless now.  

“I guess a party would feel under-attended now, huh?  But I bet there’s something we could do.”  He shoves his hands in his pockets, chewing it over.  “… I’m not sure, though.  I was never good at planning stuff.  There’s a club?  Or we could just all have dinner together or something.  I can kinda cook.  What about you?”  Secretly he hopes somebody else can; he doesn’t want to get stuck doing all the work.  “I don’t know a lot about Japanese food, I’d probably need some advice.”

[shsl-senkoe]

From Kiyoyuki’s viewpoint it’d always seemed like Mike had always been so... how to put this... in control? Of his emotions, for sure. Maybe he’d never really seen him on a bad day, though. He somewhat envied that about the artist. Still, it wasn’t like his usual admiration, that admiration that may have led him down some dark thought processes and bad decisions. It was just a simple ‘that’s nice’ envy. Simple like that. Which, well, even that felt like a huge step up for someone like him. And besides, it was just nice to talk to the guy for once, get to know him a bit better.

“Self-expression... that sounds nice. It sounds like, arts-y! Well, duh, I guess, you are an artist. I’m kind of an artist too, I guess... ah, but not really! And uh, I mean I know, what you mean by expression but... sorry, I cut my hair all arbitrarily but it’s kinda nice we have something in common.”

It’s a shame that it’s all coming out like this. The negativity. Truthfully he doesn’t even feel that bad about it. I mean, of course he feels bad. After what happened to the Gingerbread Man, to Jiang... nothing could make that okay. But he wasn’t going to throw in the towel now. The last thing Jiang-li and even John Dough himself would want is that kind of pessimism. No, all these negative words were the result of something else, something more familiar. His general ineptitude at socializing. And what a time for it to be apparent. Good lord.

“Just so you know--” Kiyoyuki begins, raising one finger.

The clapping of the shoulder is something that takes him by surprise and it registers on his face. But it’s not a bad feeling. He still has to get used to this letting people enter his space thing though. Wait, hadn’t he just done the same thing earlier? Lord, he was disaster.

“Just so you know-- I’m not-- not usually like this, okay? I’m actually not a negative guy, I mean I am, used to be, but not so much anymore. In any case, I’m trying! I’m okay though, I’m okay, yeah, I’m uh, glad you are too. And like, I know it’s bad to feel okay, to say you’re okay after all of this but. I keep thinking... I keep thinking the best thing to do... is to live on for everyone. Cause I know if John Dough-san and Jiang-san were here, they’d-- they’d want us to keep upbeat. And keep fighting. I mean, I think.”

As Harper talks, Kiyoyuki... really begins to appreciate the fact that he seems to just be a good guy. He’s listening well and he seems to appreciate the idea. He wants to be there for everyone too. That’s... a really nice thought. All of them coming together as a whole is a nice thought, really.

“Oh, uh-- yeah, I can cook! I’ve lived on my own for a while so you know, you just kinda pick things up. It’s not like a seiyuu can live on that sort of cup noodle lifestyle you know, there are really important nutrients we need and stuff so I’m always. Quite. Very careful!”

He nods, with an odd sense of pride.

[shslelectricslide]

[Task☆Eight] The Only Thing I Have Left To Guide Me | Open

[shsl-senkoe]

shslelectricslide:

He was.. a little surprised to hear an apology from him, considering he just brushed him off last time. But.. it gave him a little closure. He’d been waiting for this.

“Apology accepted, dude.. an’ I’m sorry fer everythin’, too. I know I already apologized, but I’d been shitty since then and I figured apologizin’ once more for everythin’ all at once was best! I’m glad ya don’t hate me.. we’re kinda gettin’ a lil’ too low on numbers t’ be hatin’ on each other, right? So…. f-fuck yeah, I wanna be friends. Ya do that cool voice shit an’ yer in my video games! ‘Course I wanna be friends! I wanted t’ be friends from th’ start, but then I.. well.. y’know th’ rest.” He rubbed the back of his neck. He was pretty nervous. Would he ever get used to making friends?

“Oi, speakin’ of video games! Wanna play somethin’? It’ll be cool, y’know? Gettin’ t’ hear ya next t’ me an’ also in front of me? Ya’d be talkin’ t’ yerself, it’ll be so weird!” He laughed… but then remembered one thing he wanted to ask.

“…B-before we do though, can I ask ya t’ do one thing fer me..? Yer great at voices an’ stuff… how good are ya at doin’ Bro’s voice..? I mean… I didn’t vene get t’ say bye t’ him, he just kinda… did his own thing and got… k-killed fer it an’….. I-I just wanna hear him, one more time… Can ya do that..?”

To think that this awkwardness had probably been mutual for a while... who could guess a simple apology was all that had been required all this time? Just a tiny bit of understanding and some sincerity. Still, hearing Akihito say that takes weight off his mind and heart. He hadn’t realized how nervous he was until some of the ensuing silence gave him the opportunity to hear his own heart beating like crazy. In fact, as soon as Akihito said the words ‘apology accepted’ almost without him realizing, Kiyoyuki heaved a huge sigh of relief. And it really was. A relief. Thank god.

“You were wrong but I can’t say I was blameless. I probably... I mean, we probably just rubbed each other the wrong way and brought out the worst stuff. It’s. Water under the bridge. But I... really have to say... I’m, um... I’m so glad.. I’m so glad we can talk like this and be friends... really so glad.”

His eyes sting a little and he turns them to the floor. God, he’s not going to cry over this, is he? Why does this mean so much? Maybe it’s proof. Proof of something better, proof he’s something better. It makes his mind wander sometimes, too. To Tetsuo. It often goes to Tetsuo. He never really lets the dead escape his mind. Tetsuo had been kind of close to both him and Akihito. Had he ever wished they’d gotten along? Had he known about the drama at all? Would he be happy now? Maybe he would. He hoped so. All you could do was hope these days. But maybe that was enough.

“P-play... games? Really? I’d... I’d love to! Geez that’d... that’d sure be surreal, you’re right!”

Imagining it is a weird thing. But he blinks as Akihito’s voice seems to change a little. Oh. This was serious. If it was serious then the seiyuu would respect that and treat it seriously too. It was about... Kyo? To be honest, Kiyoyuki was still a little confused over that. It’d happened so quickly, it seemed so surreal, so out of this world and yet... it was hard to deny it as the truth. Hopefully he was just somewhere happier. Better.

“... You mean Otonomiya-san, right? ... Are you sure? I mean... yeah. I know his voice and I can do it but...”

Will that make Akihito more upset? After they’d come this far and they’d finally made amends would things crumble again if he heard his friend’s voice? ... No. That wasn’t the case. This Akihito was different right? He was stronger. And Kiyoyuki was stronger too. Even if things backfired things could always be repaired. If he believed in that to the very end... then whatever Monobear did couldn’t harm him. Not anymore. Because it was different now. He was different now.

“No. I mean... I can do it. I will. Don’t worry. Give me a second.”

Kiyoyuki tries on a smile and takes a deep breath.

“【’Be well, my friend. These are tenebrous times. Such solemn despondency does not become you. Take heart in the better days. You are not as alone as you think, Akihito.’】”

[shsl-senkoe]

[Task☆Eight] The Only Thing I Have Left To Guide Me | Open

[shsl-senkoe]

shslnakoudo:

Caught up in her slightly gloomy introspection, Miya didn’t notice someone chasing after her until they touched her shoulder. She jumped a little at the sudden contact, wide-eyed and unusually startled from being knocked out of her funk, but as the seiyuu came into view she visibly relaxed. Maybe she could talk to him. 

“Hey, Kiyoyu! Man, what a line. Are you always this suave~?”  She knew he wasn’t flirting, of course, but at this point it would feel weird not to tease him about it. Some habits never die. “But for reals, some company would be great.”

Not wanting to stray too far, she led Kiyoyuki to the main hall before picking a wall and leaning her shoulder on it, although after a brief moment of thought she slowly slid down and settled to sitting on the floor. This would do, as long as she kept her skirt in check.

“You’re holdin’ up okay, huh?” she mused, quietly examining Kiyoyuki’s expression. That was good – she could really use someone who had it together right now.

He’d never been much of an expert on people; perhaps that’s why he’d ended up making so many mistakes, trusting in so many empty promises and believing in the lies of those around him. All the same something worried him about Miya, she seemed... concerned about something, muted. So it was a good thing he’d stopped her.

“Yes I-- HEY! N-no, that’s-- I’m not-- don’t say that sorta thing!”

What was it with Miya and her jesting? Well, to be fair, she wouldn’t be Miya without that sort of thing now would she? It was pretty natural for her to say that sort of thing he just wished he was better at handling it. Geez, was he always going to be a wreck? He literally fanned himself with one hand before perking up at her words-- so she did want company. He followed her lead and stood in the room, perhaps with a bit of uncertainty, his eyes wandering before she spoke up a little. As she did, a smile, perhaps wistful in nature, appeared on his face.

“I have to... a little...” he frowns. Saying it like that makes it sound unhealthy, like an act he’s perfected but it’s not quite like that. Sure, he’s putting on a brave face but that’s only part of it. He genuinely feels that burn, that responsibility to live as best as he can for those who can, well, no longer live. He owes them that much.

“... See... a lot of people are gone now. And I owe it to them, I think, to be the best I can be. So... even if I cry or something I’m-- not going to give up. I want to keep fighting, keep up a brave face. And I want to believe good will triumph over evil. That we’ll beat that bear somehow and avenge everybody.”

Kiyoyuki shakes his head, cheeks warming up a little bit after that speech. It probably wasn’t all that interesting and it kinda stunk over overcompensation but it’d just come out naturally.

“Sorry, that’s cheesy, it’s not like this is an anime or something. But... that’s how I feel, I guess. So I want to hold up okay. I want to try being courageous for once, I guess!”

He laughs it off before a look of concern washes over his face.

“But seriously, are you... are you okay, Iwazumi-chan? I feel like you always keep it together but you don’t-- let yourself be scared. I mean, that’s dumb, I know but-- like, we’re friends, I think, so you can tell me things. I think-- we’re in this together, right?”

Kiyoyuki twiddles his fingers, unsure of where this subject will take him but... he’d regret it if he never mentioned it... so he has to.

[shsl-senkoe]

[Task☆Eight] The Only Thing I Have Left To Guide Me | Open

[shsl-senkoe]

shslelectricslide:

At the feeling of being tapped on his shoulder, Akihito tensed up, jumping a little. He hadn’t expecting someone to be rushing up behind him. He’d just been standing around, trying to wrap his head around what had just happened with Harper, cheeks turned rosey. When he turned around, it was Kiyoyuki. This guy… he always wondered what Kiyoyuki even thought of him.. was he a friend? Was he still scared? Did he resent him..? It was hard to tell, honestly. But he made the effort to approach him.. Akihito could make an effort to go along with it.

“Whoa! Watch it when yer popping outta nowhere like that, ya nearly gave me a heart attack!” He turned to properly face Kiyoyuki, rubbing that back of his neck meekly. 

 “S-sure.. let’s hang out. Uh.. I promise I won’t run my mouth like I did in th’ trial. I just.. really wasn’t in my right mind. What about you? I know it’s kinda a big turn around t’ see an ol’ wet blanket like me feeling rather peppy, but yer not lookin’ too down yerself either! I thought ya’d be more tore up about all this?” The same could be said for Akihito. It’s like he forgot he had to be sad as well, but it’s just too excited about his new personal turn of events. Also, perhaps asking why someone wasn’t more sad was not the best question to ask at this time.

Akihito Ozu...

it was so strange looking at him now. Were they so different? Had they ever been so different? Maybe not. Perhaps it was just impossible to see in the beginning. Back then... everyone looked like an enemy to him. Everything was a threat. Being actively confronted by Akihito in the beginning had spooked him so badly it’d just... well, stuck with him, even in the face of evidence that the kid wasn’t so bad. I mean, if his secret was anything to go by... he had some rash tendencies, maybe he got a bit bad-tempered... but he was lonely. And probably afraid. He’d never really wanted to dislike Akihito it had just happened. Maybe after all of this though that could finally be rectified. First things first, he owed the electrician something.

“Oh! Uh! Sorry! I didn’t mean to-- like I wasn’t going to-- no bad intentions... sorry about the heart stuff...”

That came out as very awkward... and it wasn’t what he wanted to say. No, actually before anything else there was something that needed to be said. Without much warning, Kiyoyuki’s head swings down in a bow, his fingers balling into fists.

“Ozu-san I-- I owe you a big apology. You’ve apologized to me before but I don’t think I ever returned the gesture... so, I’m sorry, for everything.”

Now that that’s out of the way he can talk to Akihito normally. At the very least he had to get that out there before anything else. But to his surprise, Akihito just seemed... okay. He was so hopeless in the trial, panicking but now he seemed... like... maybe just maybe he was gonna be okay. That made him smile and slowly Kiyoyuki raised his head again.

“It’s okay-- really, like... none of us have really shown off our best sides here... no one’s perfect. Torn up over it... well, in a sense I am you know? It sucks-- no it’s not that, it’s horrible, what’s happened, what keeps happening but. I remember them sometimes, you know? Everyone... and I know I have to keep on trying. If I let it be over, if I let myself succumb to some victim complex I can’t help feeling like I’ll be letting them down too.”

Kiyoyuki sighs and then shakes his head.

“B-but I didn’t wanna talk about such morbid things, ahh... umm... I mean, you look better and that’s good I’m glad-- the thing is-- I kinda wanted to ask you if you... wanted to try... being friends? I know this is so stupid and not the time and everything but... I don’t want to regret anything if I can and ... I do want to try being your friend, Ozu-kun.”

[shsl-senkoe]

[Task☆Eight] The Only Thing I Have Left To Guide Me | Kiyoyuki&Harper

[shsl-senkoe]

shslspraycan:

The tap on the shoulder startles him, and Harper retreats automatically, shrinking away from Kiyoyuki’s touch.  Okay… so he’s proven he can successfully hold someone’s hand without having a panic attack, but he’s not quite ready to move on to Surprise Touching yet.  He spins, alarm playing out on his digital expression - 

But it quickly vanishes.  It’s only Kiyoyuki.  It’s a weird moment: he’s not sure who he expected.  A stranger, maybe.  A ghost?

Slowly - still a little uneasy from the shock - the tension drains out of him, and he realises the seiyuu’s actually asked him a question.  Harper tilts his head a little, curious, and smiles.  He and Irino aren’t complete strangers, but they’re not really friends either.  Maybe this is his way of trying to build a bridge before the shit hits the fan?

It’s an offer Harper will gladly accept.  

“Dude, yeah.  Let’s hang out, I’m all for it.  I could use a distraction.  Did you have anythin’ specific in mind?”  He’s sure there’s something he’d intended to say to Kiyoyuki… he chews it for a moment, trying to recall…

“Oh, yeah!  It’s been so long since we’ve talked, really - I meant to say, I like the haircut.  Suits you, man.”

It’s always been a tiny bit difficult reading Harper; that’s no real surprise considering well, he literally wears a mask. It’s not just that though-- maybe it’s because they’d never had a proper conversation before. Off and on they’d talked, had a few run-ins but none lasting longer than an hour. He’d never had any doubts or suspicions about Harper though -- it was just like, how to put it... they were in different circles. That was true in real life but it was surprising to know it could be possible here in an enclosed space, too.

He actually isn’t sure how this is going to go in the first place. Since they’re not on shining glowing terms it’s possible Harper IS suspicious of him or at the very least, doesn’t think much of him. It’s not like he hid his meltdowns in the beginning particularly well. Actually remembering this makes him a little embarrassed... geez. But as Kiyoyuki’s gaze goes to the floor and he begins to worry about it, about rushing into asking but then he hears the reply.

Warm words. Maybe he’d been stupid to fuss over it so much.

“Ahhh-- oh-- heh, thanks, I guess. It feels a lot lighter. I think I expected it to feel special but it really just uhh-- feels lighter. Cause it is. Lighter.”

He makes a cutting gesture vainly and then realizes this too, is a little embarrassing before rubbing the back of his neck with one hand as the weak chuckles subside.

“It’s good finally talking to you though. I want... to know everyone as best as I can. Because memories will never die... something like that I guess.”

He shakes his head before going on.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to say that, I don’t want anyone else to suffer honestly! I guess I didn’t have much of an idea of what to do though, just talk, really... though maybe there’s something we can do to lift the spirits of the others? I-I’m not sure, really. I tried to surprise people with a party a while back but then... someone died...”

Awkward. He shakes his head, disappointed with his own words. If he’s trying to make a fresh new good impression on Harper he’s already bungled it. That probably shouldn’t surprised anyone at this point.

“Sorry, that’s a really bad subject. Uh, let’s start with how are you... I mean, are you holding up okay?”

[caramoccii]

[shsl-senkoe]

lemolunes:

if only

http://rouletterampagereloaded.tumblr.com/

[shsl-senkoe]

[Task☆Eight] The Only Thing I Have Left To Guide Me | Open

He wondered briefly what it would’ve been like to live a holy life. Not for any spiritual reason but to contemplate whether it actually helped you make sense of it. And if you ever got that kind of glazed zen-like peace with it. He doubted he’d ever gain that. Too emotional. That’d... that hadn’t changed. One of the things that hadn’t from the start, he supposed. He’d just learned to accept it a bit more. And not to allow himself to play the victim -- not when he could do something to change things. He stares at the creases in his gloves -- how long had he been clenching his hands for? It’s been a while now. He hadn’t even realized... heck, how much time had even passed...

Not much time at all, right? Most everyone had exited the elevator. He must’ve zoned out as it happened. With a sigh, he falls back on one of the walls and just stares up. Jiang-li... Just... for how long had she been feeling all this? Was it since Annie made an attempt on her life... or even before that? Had anything he’d said to her even made a difference? They’d... talked in the kitchen. Made some food. She hadn’t been so good at that; he could’ve chuckled over it. That was... he was sure he’d told her it was alright then and not to feel guilty. Then they’d played-- that’s what it’d honestly felt like. Playing. Like being a kid, like... forgetting the misery for a second. Drawing laughing, remembering... then she cried. Everyone had someone except her... damn it... wasn’t... wasn’t that her calling out for help? Had he missed his mark, messed up the timing? Could he, Kiyoyuki Irino, have saved Jiang-li de la Rosa’s life?

Not good. This thinking would kill him. He wasn’t a hero. Never was.

He hadn’t saved anyone; not Aiko, not Jiang-li. He wasn’t Tetsuo or Kyo, both who had perished. Perhaps both doing more than he ever could... or would. It was like no matter who he was around he could never be any good - any use. It really would’ve been better if Tetsuhiro had been the one to come here. Tetsu was smarter for sure. And braver. He was dedicated and cool. He was just-- in the way. Damn it. Damn it all to hell. Why wasn’t character development instant?

Though he still had his doubts he tried to shrug them off. It’s all he could do. It’s not like he’d regressed again anyway. Akihito he-- those things in the trial... he could never say something like that. In the end, Kiyoyuki stood by the things he’d said; they had to live, it was true. And though he regretted everything... regarding Jiang-li... and regarding the Gingerbread Man... he didn’t want to just give in. It was exactly as he said; even if he was a no good, he had to be a no good who’d stop Monobear. Someone had to. He could never be allowed to do this again. Right. That’s the spirit. He has to get his fighting spirit back. Snap out of it, Kiyoyuki! He’s not even the one who should be depressed here. Yeah, others need help more than he does. He needs to help them. Even if he’s no hero there’s no reason he can’t try some heroics.

He slaps his cheeks and then sighs before heading off in the direction of someone who’d headed off early. Catching up to them, he pats them on the shoulder and tries on some positivity for a change.

“Hey-- I thought... maybe some company would help? How about it?”

[shsl-senkoe]

[Task☆Eight] Heroman | Open

Did heroes ever truly die?

Perhaps some people would say they did but he couldn’t agree with that. Even if a body shut down, if a person ceased to, well, be there, that didn’t make them less memorable nor their actions less heroic. That was a good way to keep the memories close, in any case.

He’d changed tack in his investigation a multitude of times having coming away with some interesting pieces but not nearly enough. He’d told himself time and time again to be better; but it was different now. This wasn’t some sort of selfish quest as he desperately clawed out for lost esteem, this was because he needed to do what he could for everyone else. Including the Gingerbread Man himself. Perhaps, in this thinking, he could be going about it the wrong way. Well, that was fine. It was a start, something. As long as his motive was pure it would work out. He didn’t have the time nor the inclination to beat himself up about it any further. What was done was done and whatever thoughts he had on the boy’s death... they could be dealt with at another time. At a certain point you had to just accept it; accept the truth of it, of what happened and... walk from there. Not everyone can be saved even if you want them to be. That doesn’t mean he won’t try; that he won’t cry when it happens, that it won’t completely ruin him at times.

But it does mean he knows it’s not his sole responsibility and fault. The main thing to do is give the informant the end he deserves and that’s the seiyuu’s burning wish and intent as he prowls around the kitchen.

There has to be something else he can do here, to find here...

Maybe if the informant was truly a hero after justice he’d somehow drop him a clue. Not that he needed it. Kiyoyuki was... would be confident on his own. After everything he’d seen and everyone they’d lost he would not let them down like this after everything. He was no protagonist but there was no rule that he had to be to do what he could to save his friends.

Kiyoyuki takes a deep breath and then begins another search, this time going through the kitchen cabinets, tenacity in his movements and yet not much panic, sifting through whatever is in there.