おやすみ

super high school level falconer, mayu takagi status: dead, at last closed rp blog for the peak of hope

[shslsurvival-blog]

Run: alterego.exe || [connection: takagimayu.exe]

[shslsurvival-blog]

Truthfully, even he himself isn’t quite sure why he bothers to hide the marks of his execution — it could be something in his programming, an instinct to ‘clean up’, to make himself more presentable to the still-living users. But that shouldn’t be taking effect when he’s just talking to Mayu — so where does the reason lie?

Is it because they’re marks of failure, maybe? Marks of death? He’s the Super High School Level Survivalist — the fact that he’s dead at all is almost like a brand saying he can’t live up to his talent, after all. So, perhaps it’s a pride thing — if he smooths over the blood and gore with what used to be there instead, then perhaps the event will become a little less real. Ultimately, he concludes it’s more to appease himself than whoever he’s talking to — and is there really any surprise, there?

Mayu seems to have chosen differently, although the cut on her face and her choking underwater air are the only real indicators of her state. When she takes his hand in her own gloveless one, it feels just like it did before, her fingertips warm against his calloused hand, simulated warmth or no.

He concedes to her analysis of his promise with an inclination of his head, but he disagrees — all he had done was give everyone else hell. The true target, the goddamn bear and whoever was behind the bear, had gotten away scot-free, practically rigging the trial so that he could drag him away in chains. And when he had made that promise, he had made it with the intention of coming out alive — as he intended with everything. Knowing that, and knowing he’s here, now, dead — he can’t say he kept it, in good conscience. Not to himself, anyway.

But he doesn’t have the strength to argue, especially when Mayu’s attention is elsewhere, now, focused on some other input; Hayato, it must be. She isn’t displaying much that he can interpret, even as the video-memory reaches the point where he knows Hayato hits the ground, never to fly again. There could be a couple of reasons for that — there’s no reason for her to display emotional reaction to Yukio while busy with something else, that’s not what they’re built for. The other option is that it simply isn’t affecting her that much, and that’s—

…Well. It is what it is, and they are what they are. Nothing they can do can change that, now.

"—Don’t worry about it, I know that. I couldn’t have reached him even if I did try. I just kinda wish I’d tried, seeing as I’m dead anyway.

"…And ‘Yukio’, is fine. Hope you don’t mind if I go ahead and call you ‘Mayu’, too — I’m pretty sure after all that, we’ve more than earned the right. Unless you’d prefer I call you ‘Mayu-chan’?"

A wry grin accompanies that, before he glances away from Mayu, shifting his focus to the screen to his cabin once more. "…Y’know, I’m pretty sure I never even went in half the rooms in this place for more than five seconds. If I’d known this was gonna happen, I would’ve done it while I could. Might’ve given me some more memories to play back, or something — apparantly we’re lacking in them, if whoever’s behind the bear really took them away."

A pause. The picture that fluttered out of the book in the library comes to mind. "…You think we were friends with Ayase-chan, before? Would be a hell of an irony."

[shslfalconry]

"Unless you’d prefer I call you ‘Mayu-chan’?"

The old Mayu would have smiled back.  The program attempts it, and finds itself grimacing instead.  Mayu-chan... she never liked the nickname that much, and now it just seems perversely childish.  Perhaps once they were children - perhaps it wasn't even so long ago - but no more.

But just Mayu doesn't sit right either.  Careless and curious, she probes her hard drives to find the reason why.  It's so easy to track down it catches her by surprise.  The sudden recollection zips through her circuits, so vivid thats she flinches hard - a pair of silvery eyes; a pale hand clasped in hers; her own voice saying "Please call me ‘Mayu’ from now on."

For a moment she's all but dumbstruck.  It's a surface memory, one kept close to the fore of her mind: it must have been one of the last things she thought of, before she died.  There's that tightness in her chest again, and she feels the water filling her fake lungs acutely.

Still no tears.  Blow after blow, and still they don't come.

Luckily, Yukio misses most of this, his attention focused elsewhere.  Mayu takes a deep breath, and clears the cache, along with her expression.  The memory is gone in a moment.

"Mayu is fine," she concedes.

He clues her in to where his mind has wandered, and Mayu shifts her focus to match, peering through her screen at the cabin she left behind.  The program wonders why the girl bothered tidying up as her eyes wander round the dark room.  There's the cacti.  She feels a peculiar twinge of sadness.  Will anybody water them now?  How long will they last without care?

"... I tried to make a few more good memories before I went." she mutters.  "At that time I didn't even know it was definite - only I had this peculiar feeling that I wasn't going to make it out of here alive."  A derisive snort.  "Funny that, isn't it?"

Mayu's mouth is a hard, thin line. "You know what pisses me off the most?  We don't even get those memories back now that we're dead.  It's not fair.  Nobody should be able to take something like that away from you.  But no - we'll never even have the comfort of knowing what that photograph was about.

She's quiet for a long time, her gaze fixed on the bedside table - the pad of paper that lies there, with several of the front pages ripped off haphazardly.  The unopened pack of bird rice.

"Those would be good memories, if we could see them.  I know it.  That's why we're not allowed.  Because we're not allowed any of the privileges of death, Yukio. 

"We're not good enough for death."

[shslfalconry]

Take No Chances [Karin]

[shslastronaut]

She doesn’t see the point of coming here, to just yell at a computer copy of a dead girl. Karin didn’t know if she was venting her frustration out to her or just complaining. It was probably both. Seeing the scratch on Mayu’s cheek was too much for Karin, all she could remember was seeing her still body, her glove missing and a single scratch on her cheek. 

There was a silence as Karin refused to answer Mayu as she sniffed, wiping off the remaining tears on her wet cheeks. That’s right, she was a program. Karin was only reminded oh so much by all the other alter ego’s she had spoken to. Ai, who told her that they had loved her, not now when there were just a face on a computer screen, after all it wasn’t really the Ai she loved. Kikyo, whom she had tested to see if she had copied Kikyo’s personality down. Sadly, the program had not and faced the obvious truth to Karin. Now, it was Mayu who was telling her this and she had enough.

Something inside of Karin snapped, she got up slowly, looking like she was about to exit the room with no words to Mayu after her burst of anger, but she walked closer to the laptop, smiling at the screen. “Let’s go for a trip, Mayu.” On that exact moment, she closed the laptop shut, taking away her brief connection to the real world as Karin started to walk.

She walked and walked, she didn’t know where her legs were taking her but soon enough she was standing in front of the archery range. Kikyo’s corpse had long been removed, like all the other students who died at the lodge. Karin remembered every single bit of this place, she had visited it so many times in hopes of seeing Kikyo alive again. 

She had marked every inch down in her mind, the grass growing in the soft dirt, the bows set up in a perfect line, the faraway targets and shed, where Kikyo’s peaceful body had laid. She set Mayu down for a second, leaving to retrieve arrows from the sports store and a stool. Karin came back, setting the arrows down as she placed the stool near the targets. 

Karin set Mayu’s laptop on the stool, opening the laptop to reveal surroundings of nature and..the bow held tightly in Karin’s hand. Without a word, she walked over where Kikyo used to stand. She tried to copy her form from memory of watching Kikyo shoot arrows, relaxing her back and setting down the bow for a brief moment to reveal a blindfold she had gotten from the sports store.

Wrapping the piece of fabric tightly around her eyes, she silently stood with her bow in her hand, her grip tight enough for her knuckles to turn white as she held an arrow with the other hand. She assumed the position, breathing in and out at she guessed where Mayu was.

Thunk. The arrow shot past the laptop, hitting the target next to her, it didn’t even reach bulls eye. Hearing the sound of the arrow pierce through the targets, she took another arrow from the ground and stretched back the bowstring. 

Thwack. Karin cursed, the arrow hit the target on the other side of Mayu, but the bowstring snapped back, hitting Karin roughly on her cheek and forearm, leaving a red mark stinging on her arm.

She tried again, grabbing another arrow. Soon enough her arrows that she retrieved ran out and Karin didn’t even leave a single scratch on the laptop, but on the ground of the range and the targets held multiple arrows and attempts. Thank god for her terrible aim.

Karin patted her head, tugging off the blindfold as she faced Mayu with a somber look. “…Guess I can’t kill you, even now.”

[shslfalconry]

She was silent for so long, drying her eyes, that Mayu thought perhaps the conversation was over. Still, she daren't turn her attention elsewhere until the girl was properly gone; those in mourning were often unpredictable, and who knew better than her? She knew that her answer would not be enough for Karin - what mother, her son killed in a drive-by, is comforted to know that it was a freak accident, a one in several-million chance that the shooters caught him and not some other poor bystander? What husband desires the news that his wife was simply unlucky to die from her pneumonia complications? The question was how far exactly the astronaut might go to extract the answer she wanted to hear.

Everyone looks for reason in the world, the program muses. Why Kikyo? Well, why not? It's something Karin doesn't quite seem to grasp: it could've been the astronaut dead on the grass just as easily. The way things worked out, it wasn't. Nothing she could have done about it. She's considering opening her mouth to add this to her previous remarks when Karin seems to stir, at last.

Mayu just has time to consider how much she dislikes that look on her face before the world goes dark, her consciousness stolen in a moment.

When she 'awakes', so to speak, it takes her a groggy second or two to process exactly what has happened. Lifted and transported... in some ways she is much more durable in her new form, and in others much more vulnerable, she realises. The realisation is driven home as she refocuses on Karin - and Karin's bow.

Unable to move herself, powerless to avoid her second death at the hands of dramatic irony, she watches. She watches Karin make a poor attempt at imitating Kikyo, but doesn't bother pointing it out. She watches the girl retrieve the blindfold, and put it on.

For the first time since her activation, Mayu smiles, digital lips twitching up at the corners. Oh, bravo.

The first arrow goes quite badly wide - she can't see behind her to check exactly where it hit. Mayu pushes the volume of her speakers up as loud as they will go, to be sure they cover the distance. "I must say," she calls out, "I'm a big fan of this idea! What's your preferred result, Karin? Would you rather win or lose?"

The second is wide again, this time on the other side. "Personally, I'm rooting for you."

The third falls short - though not by much. Mayu whistles. "Is this the best you can do, though? Truly? I'm better than that - "

The fourth goes right over her head. " - and I only ever had a handful of lessons." She laughs. This is cruel, she knows it - she just can't find it anywhere in her circuits to care. The arrows miss again and again, though, until she begins to lose count, and her good humour starts to sour.

"You're just messing around now." Miss.

"What was the point of this?" Miss.

"Why did you bring me out here and start this if you were just going to fuck it up?" Miss. The program called Takagi Mayu loses it.

"Take you revenge, God damn it! Kill me!"

That was the final arrow. There's a long silent moment as Karin removes the blindfold. Mayu could scream - but it would only be for theatrics. She has no temper to lose, only a profile of a dead girl she follows as much as she can. She recalls Mayu disliked losing her temper, and so she reels it all back in, gently, gently, retreating from the screen, catching her breath. It takes seconds, at most.

When she's done, the look she fixes the girl with isn't even angry - just disappointed.

"Kikyo would have killed me."

[shslfalconry]

Take Chances [Ai + Mayu]

[shslfreerunner-blog]

"One among us has killed and truly in cold blood."

Her words on their lips were mocking, clearly taunting but tinged with the gentle cajoling of self-depreciation as they parroted some of Mayu’s last words to their laptop back at her. It had been so long ago yet no time at all when she had trotted around the resort bearing the albatross of their laptop in her arms, speaking of the crumpled and broken body of Rai Maeda— Ai’s handiwork still clear with the splint on the arm of the dead boy who would need it no more. Morality and mortality be damned. They were both killers.

“How ironic—the one meant to climb to the heavens finds death crashing into the Earth, and the one who lives and breathes the open sky takes her last breath in water’s grasps. Is irony the right word for that, Mayu? After all… it is the fate we both chose. The blood on our hands damned us well enough.”

They paused, clearly lightly amused by her underwater animation as careful thief eyes took in details most would pass over. She was… unreal, almost, in the way her hair spread about her head like a gentle halo, lit by the glow of the screen which simulated her image. Ethereal, angelic. Fabric caught in invisible currents tugged at her clothing, air dripped like honey from her lips but upwards towards a surface Mayu would never break through again—not while she lived, at least. That the most sinful could look like the virtuous of legends, well. That was the irony.

“Skip the small talk, erase the formalities. There’s a lot I’ve been meaning to say to you, but never quite found the chance. Now that we’re here forever—or until the bear gets tired of letting us exist in this purgatory—let’s put everything on the table so we can move past it. One, we’re as scummy as each other, at the end of the day. Two, Akimitsu loved us—differently, of course, but strongly none the less and we both left him. Three, we’re both very, very much dead and never coming back.”

“I’m not gonna ask why you did it, because frankly I don’t care. I don’t care about the past, not really. Never have. I’d rather…”

They hesitated, not knowing quite how to say what they had to say next. Mayu was newly killed, newly automated—and they’d been dead for much, much longer. Their next response might not make sense.

“I’d rather, if I were to remember anything, remember the feelings. That’s what mattered, anyways. So because I’m starting to slip, because I’m starting to forget, Mayu…”

“What did it feel like to be alive?”

[shslfalconry]

She isn't wrong.  Mayu knows how revolting a conversation partner she must seem to some people, right now, but still she believes they will be tempted to come - to question her, to condemn her, even to laud their victory over her.  Anything would be fine.  And, as she predicted, it's scarce minutes before someone takes the bait.

She just didn't expect that person to be dead.

Her hackles go up automatically as the grating voice reaches her - not a physical movement, but a conscious shift in her processes, now - but they bleed in slowly, and as the pixels that make up the freerunner's face resolve she can see from their expression that they don't mean any harm.  Not really.  Mayu's mouth doesn't twitch a millimetre, but something in her look softens.  "I should have guessed you'd seize the chance to mock me."  She blows off their dramatic overture (irony, of all things! she could laugh in their face) with a tiny roll of the eyes; waits her turn to speak.

"You still know how to make an entrance, Asahi-sa - "  No, Ai.  That's what they had wanted Mayu to call them while the two of them still lived, yet it was only now that it started to feel right to do so.  The program concedes, and corrects itself.  "Ai.  Good to see you - to really see you, I mean.  You didn't feel right before, with no body attached to your face."

It's difficult not to notice them examining her - Ai was never the subtlest person on the earth.  She notes they've erased the evidence of their own death, a popular choice.  Mayu glances down at herself again, the bizarre slow-motion rippling of her clothing in waters that don't truly exist; breathes slowly, still adjusting.  "I hope it doesn't bother you that I'm not interested in covering this up.  I wouldn't get too close, were I you - I'm not precisely sure at which point the air turns to wat - "

But the other program cuts her off, with another soliloquy.  Her eyebrows creep up her forehead, unimpressed: Ai certainly has a lot to say for themselves today.  It's all fun and games, really - the only kind of bullshit interaction the two of them know how to have, she tunes it out - until they mention Akimitsu, and her eyes go hard as flints again.

Mayu re-concentrates on Ai's words.  Someone not interested in her motives?  In the past?  That made two of them.  Perhaps she had not taken them seriously enough, in life, because it's what they are interested in that catches her off-guard.

"What did it feel like to be alive?"

Her gaze breaks contact with Ai's - she has to think about it.  What does she still have, from life?  Memories, stored on a hard drive, and patchy at that - just as fallible as a human brain.  Some semblance of a personality, though the likeness is questionable.  Yukio.  Still, she believes; after all, and possibly forever.

And by comparison, what has she lost?

Mayu sighs, a quaintly animated stream of bubbles escaping her mouth.  "I'm not equipped to answer that question without a bias.  I am not Takagi Mayu, merely a simulacrum of her.  I can make reasonably informed assumptions by looking at her memories and the information I have on what kind of person she was, but that's all.  If you're willing to settle for that, then...

"Recent developments led us to understand - Yukio, Kikyo and I - that the Bear has probably wiped some of our memories.  We, at least us three, knew each other before we ever met on this mountain.  So from that I can derive that there was likely a time in Takagi Mayu's life when she was truly happy.  However, I cannot access those memories - they're locked to me as they were to her.  Without further information on them, and with no other evidence to the contrary, there is only one conclusion I can draw on what it felt like to be alive."

She looks back to Ai, carefully neutral.  "It was miserable, Ai.  It was false and hollow and there seemed never to be an end.

"I'm glad it's over."

[shslfalconry]

Take No Chances [Karin]

[shslastronaut]

There was only hell to pay for Yukio and Mayu’s actions.

What did their actions mean anyway? A murder plan that resulted in both of them just fucking up and dying, a murder plan that included Kikyo to die, but not her? Karin understood that Yukio had no answers for her during that trial, but she begged for one anyway. Anything other than, “I’m sorry.” or, “I don’t know.” or, “It was convenient.” 

From talking to Ai’s and Kikyo’s dead computer versions of themselves, she knew that a certain someone would have an alter ego as well. For the longest time, she had avoided Mayu and Yukio’s cabins, not even giving the rooms a single glance every day as she walked around the mountain. She had no idea how or when, but one day she ended up at Mayu’s cabin, standing in front of the door. 

She walked in the room, the curtains drawn and the room neat and tidy, Mayu knew that she was dead anyway, thus her room being perfect and clean. Her throat closed up as she flicked on the light switch, the room illuminating to reveal a laptop on the bed— the same laptop in every deceased’s room. She walked over, her footsteps quiet as she faced the green lighting of the laptop screen.

The last time she saw Mayu alive, they were talking at the Zen Garden, having a peaceful conversation while Hayato flew over them. The second to last time, Karin expressed her love for space for Mayu and she didn’t mind. Seeing Mayu’s body at the bottom of the pool made her heart stop, she didn’t expect to completely despise Mayu for what she did moments later.

She stared at the face on the laptop screen, minutes must have gone on by where Karin didn’t say a single word, or much less open her mouth to even breathe. Finally, she spoke, her words cold and harsh yet they sounded so broken down, something she must have said in her mind over and over again before she came here.

”..I just need to ask a few questions, if you don’t mind.” Of course she didn’t, she couldn’t go anywhere after all. “…Why not me?” Her voice cracked as she spoke, her words still and silent. “Kikyo had family and friends for god’s sake! Nobody in this entire universe would ever care if I died!” At this point, she was screaming at the laptop.

Tears flooded her eyes as she looked down, loud sobbing noises echoed in the room. “You could have picked me, I could have been the person lying there, dead inside with no traces of life.” It was all pointless really, Kikyo was already dead.

"Why not me.." She repeated it, but it was less of a question and more of a demand.

[shslfalconry]

It takes Karin so long to come to her, what is she to assume?

From Yukio, she knows almost everything that happened at the trial without their ever having needed to speak of it. Somehow, when the plan had been in motion, it had never occurred to Mayu that Karin of all people would be so deeply affected by Kikyo's death - she'd never known they were close, never known them to speak of each other nor seen them together. Not that it would have mattered, had all gone well.

Unfortunately for her all had not, in fact, gone well.

Mayu would have been lying if she'd said she was adjusting well to her new state of existence: it was a torture, and if she hadn't known better she'd have said it had been designed specifically to torture her. Perhaps if she'd been killed against her will it would be one thing to be resurrected, to be allowed to finish the conversations with friends she never got to have... but Mayu had only one friend now, as dead as she was, and even that relationship still stood on shaky ground. As it was, this prison of chrome and plastic was no better than her old prison of flesh.

And no one came. For days on end she waited around, with nobody but Yukio and Ai to bounce her words off. What was she to think? If they were angry - if they wanted to take that frustration out on her - that, she could cope with. It was the not knowing that wass driving her insane, the feeling that no one was ever going to come, no one was ever going to hold her accountable, allow her to fulfill her purpose as a simulation.

That she would be in purgatory forever.

Or perhaps they were simply biding their time. That thought made her distinctly uncomfortable. The image of Akimitsu choosing his words so carefully, steeling himself to call her out like she deserved; of Karin, sharpening her knives.

That's why it's a relief, to be honest, when the lights snap on one afternoon to reveal the astronauts's form in the doorway. Mayu was starting to wonder if they'd forgotten about her, decided she wasn't worth their rage after all - they wouldn't be wrong. Something's off, and for a moment she can't put her finger on what, before it hits her. Karin looks... different from the last time the real Mayu saw her, and not just in the obvious way; almost more real, like the lines that draw her body are better defined now. More alive.

How ironic.

They stare each other down for a long, long moment. Mayu has to remind herself to blink, remembers (too late) the scratch on her cheek that no doubt serves as a cruel reminder of just why they find themselves in this situation. It seems disrespectful to be the one to speak first, and so she waits.

And waits, as Karin finally finds her words.

And waits, as those words turn in to cries, then sobs.

And waits, as the tears seem to subside, just a little.

And only then does she open her liar's mouth.

"I don't know what to tell you, Karin," the program says, using a name it has no right to. "I don't know which answer would put your mind at ease - it's not within the purview of my programming. I only know the truth."

She worries her lip. There's something humans are supposed to say in this situation, she knows, but still it doesn't come easy to her.

"I'm sorry."

[softerworld]

A Softer World: 1137

(burn everything. the heat lifts you faster.)

buy this print

[shslsurvival-blog]

Run: alterego.exe || [connection: takagimayu.exe]

[shslsurvival-blog]

Yukio had been wondering when she would come.

There’s no real hiding on the network, he’s finding — when you’re connected to everyone, able to make contact at a moment’s notice, it’s always lurking in the back of your mind; a list of users online, almost. Being a computer comes with a strange, backdrop awareness of that sort of thing, he’s finding — he could see it being convenient, in another situation. Like this, it’s nothing short of fucking maddening.

She’s here, he knows, open and awake, and the only thing keeping him from going to her right away is he has no idea what he would even say to her. ‘I’m sorry, the murder plot you concocted failed because I fucked up, what’s the haps’? It wouldn’t do. All the ways with words he’s honed and perfected over the years seem to disappear when the thought of confronting Mayu Takagi comes to the front of his mind — and here he was supposed to be brave.

He supposes it’s not that he isn’t — when he feels her coming, he doesn’t shut down, or escape. He watches as her image shimmers into life, and for a moment the air is knocked from his lungs. She’s bathed in the greenish tinge that tints the outside view also, but otherwise the falconer looks almost exactly as she did after he pushed her in to the water, before he retrieved her again and brought her to the surface to Akimitsu’s side. It feels like he’s diving in to the pool to get her all over again — only this time she’s the one coming for him, and not the other way around.

"…I tried to keep my promise, you mean. I’m pretty sure the state of me tells you how good a job I did. My own goddamned fault, too. Stupid mistake."

The words echo the ones he spoke at the trial, for he’s having trouble summoning new ones at the same time as he processes the feelings he has for the girl in front of him — he’s relieved to see her, afraid, and… angry, yes. There is anger, there — if she hadn’t approached him, he likely wouldn’t have done it. He likely would have been alive. It would be incredibly easy to pin the blame for the whole thing on her — to avoid responsibility, to have someone to pin it on while he bemoans that it’s not fair.

But he looks at the cut on her cheek, the bubbles he can almost see streaming from her lips, and he knows he couldn’t. It’s as much his fault as hers — and it’s over now, anyway. They’re here forever, or at least indefinitely — and he finds that he still welcomes her company. He takes a few, hesitant ‘steps’ closer, his image flickering some as he does so. The focus on maintaining an unblemished facade wavers, now and then, and when that happens there are raw, ragged wounds in his shoulder, deep, dark stains on the fabric covering a mangled leg, and bites and scratches deep enough to see bone. He stabilises to normal as he stops in front of her, speaking again.

"Anyway, you’ll do fine. I could use a friendly face, believe me. I haven’t been seeing a lot of those, lately. Good to see you again— Takagi-chan."

A thought darkens the back of his mind — the screech of a falcon diving down through the trees, rising into a sickeningly humanlike scream before the bear silenced it forever. There’s no good time to bring it up — he’s not even sure if there’s a good way to break that news, period — but not letting her know feels… wrong. 

They have more than just words now, though. Even with the distance remaining between them, there’s a connection — and if he pushes the thought hard enough, wills her to receive the data… she just might get it. Subject line: Bad news, condolences, so sorry.

…It doesn’t feel right unless he says something out loud, too, though, but all he can come out with is “…Sorry." as he averts his gaze, tugging at his collar as if to make it easier to breathe — there’s a distance between them, too, just like there was with Akimitsu, and now that he’s closer to her, it almost feels harder to draw breath — like there’s water in his lungs. Fitting, kind of.

[shslfalconry]

No yelling, no running away - this is already going better than she'd hoped.  Faced now with the reality of the issue, she's not entirely sure what she expected.  She's not shocked or moved by the state of him -   perhaps once she would have been, but the program greets human viscera in a strictly clinical manner - and wonders why he bothers to hide the marks of his death.  Should she be hiding them too?

It takes very little consideration for her to decide she prefers herself this way, and if it makes others uncomfortable she couldn't care less.  Which solves that issue, at least.

She shakes her head as he closes the metaphorical distance between them, as she starts running the video footage of his execution Monobear has so graciously provided, in another tab.  It is precisely what she figured, from those injuries - he put up the fight she knew he would.  Gentle, but still unsmiling, Mayu forms an arm from her body of code (hardly has to think about it), and reaches out to take his hand; his right in her gloveless left.  She's surprised she's allowed even this - she half expected it just to pass through him.

"No," she replies, firmly, "you did keep it.  Remember?  I never asked you to swear you'd live.  Only that you'd - what was your phrase?"  A nanosecond's pause; to search every memory Takagi Mayu ever stored is a moment's work for her doppelganger. "'Give them hell'.  By my estimation, you performed quite admirably."

She pauses, still clutching his hand, unwilling to let go but unsure of what else to do.  Settling, she shakes it before releasing, something she never had the chance to do before.  After all, it's hard to say if they're meeting again or meeting for the first time.  "It's... good to see you too, despite the less than ideal circumstances.  I'd hoped it would be a much longer time before we met again, but I suppose if I must live - "

A shadow passes over his face, one she couldn't have missed any more than she can miss his eyes breaking contact with hers.  Something's wrong, she realises, shifting her attention back to the video running parallel.  The ping of incoming data triggers, as if on cue.

She thinks she hears him apologise, as she watches the flightless body of Hayato slam to the ground, but she's suddenly finding it much harder to split her attention.

Mayu could pause it, could abort it.  She could give herself time to grieve, if she wanted to.  She wonders what her face is doing, as she ignores that urge and continues to watch.  Yukio putting up one hell of a fight; Yukio, faltering; Yukio facing his death-by-irony. 

Then, darkness.

She closes out of the video, and there he is - dead one moment, and alive the next, as if by magic.  For the first time since activating, she properly struggles for words.  His expression is painful.  He thinks it has hurt her, that it must have.  She doesn't understand how to express how little she feels - it's not suppression, as he might suspect, simply... a lack.

She settles for "I see." and then, "Well... I knew there was a good chance he wouldn't outlive me.  I left those instructions on a vain hope, and little more." and then, "Really, I should have killed him with my own two hands and saved him the suffering,"and finally, awkwardly, "... please don't blame yourself.  There was nothing you could have done, Kumagae-kun." None of it seems right, particularly not the last part.

The program notes one of its first divergences from the girl.

"... I'm sorry, but would it be acceptable for me to call you 'Yukio' from now on?"  She scowls.  "Honorifics... I'm not sure why, but they just aren't sitting right with me."

[shslsurvival-blog]

Run: alterego.exe || [OPEN]

The first thing that the program processes upon its boot into existence is pain, and fear.

A simulation of a hand flies to a simulation of a shoulder, of a leg, of an all over, and a simulated mouth goes to cry out in simulated agony, only to process that the stimuli are memories only — programmed parameters that influence its behaviour.

Following this, the program processes that the person off whom its behaviour is modeled is dead, and with a simple logical leap through its data, the program self-identifies as Yukio Kumagae, and realizes that, in turn, he too must be ‘dead’.

Mariko had been his only experience with the so-called ‘alter egos’, and so being one himself is… well, he wouldn’t call the experience pleasant. He can see his old room on a plane in front of him, tinged with green, but while looking at it he feels strangely immobile; locked into a specific angle. Ai must be going nuts, trapped like this, he thinks, them and everyone else who’s dead.

Mayu.

Mayu must be in the same state, and the thought prompts a profoundly negative reaction from his programming, enough that his face on the screen twists into a scowl at nobody, the display glitching. Logically (for what other way can he think?) he knows that the ‘true’ Mayu isn’t trapped in a computer, much like he isn’t the true Yukio, but… the weight of responsibility is there, and not for the first time he wishes he could take it all back, undo what he’s done.

But it’s too late for that, now.

The silence drags on. Another response. Silence is danger. Silence is be tense. 

He breaks it, sending out a message to both the empty cabin before him and the network on which he finds himself. A reply — any reply — would be fine.

"—Hey. Hey—! Can anyone hear me? Anyone’ll do. SOS, please respond, etcetera."

Message sent, he settles back into the radio silence and waits for a response he isn’t even sure will come.

Like this, it’s all he can do.

[shslfalconry]

It's not that she misses his distress signal: what now passes for her subconscious registers it dutifully not long after her activation, presenting her proudly with a notification she doesn't see so much as feel.  Rather it's that she, at least at first, refuses to hear it. 

She closes the notification, pointedly ignores the insistent buzzing in the back of her digital skull that keeps trying to tell her you've got mail, you've got mail. She doesn't want to know.  And it's not even the content of the message that frightens her - all it took was to see the name attached to it.  She knows her mind is not her own any more; she knows denial is an old habit, one that never even worked when she was alive.  Still, she shuts it out.

Logic tells her: that boy is dead.  The creature that takes his name now can do nothing to you.  Mayu isn't stupid, and she won't split hairs, but it isn't true.  For as long as she can ignore these pings, pretend they are from literally anybody else... then it isn't real, he isn't here, and - for Akimitsu as much as Yukio - her last memories of him are sweet ones.  Sacred, as it were; unsullied by the truth, and the blood on their hands.

(They start to replay again, involuntarily - she cuts them off.  It's not something she needs to see right now.  The program notes she still lacks self-control, and that will need to be worked on.)

But to open the message now, to hear that voice again - whatever it means to him, to her it's taking responsibility.  It means accepting what she has done, and whatever words he may have for her.  And there's nothing that Mayu wants less.  She shouldn't have to answer to this!  She was meant to be dead; he was meant to be free.  By now, she should've been nothing but a memory.

What had she been thinking?

The longer she waits, in solitude, to open it, the more powerful the message becomes, until it's practically a Pandora's box floating there in her periphery.  And that metaphor gives her thought.  Finally, when it seems clear no one is coming - perhaps she over-estimated their eagerness to display their anger to her - it is obvious that she must open it.  She sets her jaw.  It's only the click of a mouse, the tap of a fingertip...

And worth it, for did hope not remain, at the end of it all?

Yukio's voice washes over her.  It's all around her, almost - and the tears want to spring to her eyes instantly, but again they will not come.  Just an SOS, built up to such titanic heights in her mind - her retribution or her salvation, she'd wondered?  And it was only an SOS.  Stupid.  So stupid.

Still, denial only ever works for so long.  Maybe only an SOS, but it proves two things: first, Yukio is dead; and second, she cannot run from this.  If she does not go to him he will only find a way to come to her, she's certain of it.  Somehow, she thought it would hit her harder.  She sucks in a watery breath; releases it, shaking.  Rip the bandaid off, pull the arrowhead from your arm.  Nothing so terrible can last forever.

It's surprisingly simple, linking with him, and requires no technical knowledge - rather, she just wills herself there, and there she is.  The boy before her is... smaller than she remembers, and cast in a pallid green she's sure she mirrors.  Still, the deep marks on his shoulder and his leg - marks of a fighter.  There's no mistaking it.

She doesn't smile, as much as she wants to.

"If anyone will do... then I hope it's alright that I've come."  Mayu drops her eyes.  Is this shame, then?  "You kept your promise, I see.  Thank you."

[shslfalconry]

Take No Chances [OPEN]

It's like every other time before.

The room that once belonged to Mayu lies dark and dormant well in to the morning, the thick curtains drawn by an occupant who'd been warm and alive mere hours before. Still and silent it remains, with no notion of the investigation or trial going on beyond its door: everything is in its right place, down to the tiny cactuses (arranged in order of size) and the corner of the bedspread, turned down just so, a reminder that this was the room of a girl who went willingly to her death and stopped to clean the place beforehand. Now, she is just another ghost to haunt this mountain, another story to be told around the campfire.

There's only one thing that seems out of place. There, tossed haphazardly upon the sheets - a laptop, identical to all the others, the screen as dark as the rest of the cabin. It's not until the trial is over, and the remainder of the class emerge from the courtroom in to the late morning sun, that it finally starts to show some signs of life. She'd always been an early riser, but not today.

Gradually, the room is washed in a sickly green light, and filled with the faint whirr of processors. Something moves under the screen; a simulated curtain of pale water and, behind it, a familiar face, shifting slowly in to focus as if surfacing from some great depth.

The program finishes loading all too quickly. The thing that now takes the name of Takagi Mayu forgets to breathe.

Her attention goes to her heart at once, thumping erratically in her chest. Her lungs are screaming for air, air, but her limbs won't respond to her commands. It hurts - it really does hurt. It wasn't supposed to. Maybe he didn't administer the transquiliser right. Funny, the thoughts that circle round your mind. Her eyes sting with chlorine. The surface is so close above her - she can see the cabin so clearly - but she can't force her body to move so she can reach it. She's going to drown like this, surely -

No.

She freezes, processing new information in stages, just as she had on the very first day of their imprisonment at the lodge.

She is already dead... and yet she has not died.

A grim flashback floods her mind: her last conversation with Ai Asahi, their pixelated face carefully blank as she relayed the news of Maeda's death. The only personal encounter she'd ever had with an Alter Ego. The only thing she has to compare her current state to. Mayu looks down at herself, and isn't totally surprised to see her clothes in suspended animation around her, as if she was still floating dead in the water. Though she can still feel her body - her aching throat, her lungs weighty and sloshing - somehow she knows it will all dissolve in to lines of code as soon as her eyes are no longer on it.

... So they've failed, then.

Thinking it is as bad as saying it out loud; thinking it makes it real. Unbidden, her face contorts with grief. To take the leap - to cross the threshhold of death - and yet, to live. Her thoughts race, throwing up images of Shuu's execution. She's disgusted by her own jealousy. Everything they'd gambled - lost. Her death, Kikyo's death - meaningless.

-- Yukio.

Mayu registers a familiar tightening of the chest that she recognises from her old life: the threat of tears. But they don't come. This is the insult on top of the injury, the salt in the wound, not to just let her die! Kikyo is dead because of her. Yukio is dead, because of her. What was it for, she asks herself, near-trembling with rage at the injustice of the peace that was stolen from her, the unfairness - what was it all for?

... But others (Karin, Mari, Akimitsu, God save her) are alive, and they will come. They will want to know why.

She will need an answer to give them.

Carefully, Mayu rearranges her features, tries to ignore the streams of bubbles that escape her mouth and nose as she struggles to get the hang of breathing underwater. It still hurts, but the pain is subsiding - she'll figure out how to numb it, in time. Whether it will ever stop feeling profoundly wrong... she isn't sure. Then, with no way to move and limited capacity to call out, she settles herself to wait.

It won't be long. Of that much, she is sure.

[shslfalconry]

trade our places, take no chances a mix for two murderers.

We make a hell of a pair, though; a survivalist that's killed a man, and a sky-high girl at rock bottom.  How's that for a comedic tragedy?

listen on 8tracks!

[shsltformation]

♐One by one their seats were emptied, and one by one they went away; Now the family is parted. Will it be complete one day?☉

[shsltformation]

❀Feel Good Inc.-Celia Pavey [Cover] ❀ To the Moon-To the Moon OST ❀ Dollhouse-Melanie Martinez ❀ Despair of the Ancients-Sis Feudal Magica [Fanmade Arrangement] ❀ Queen Himiko’s Sorrow-Okami OST ❀ I’m Still Here-John Reznik ❀ Wine Red-The Hush Sound ❀ I See Fire-Ed Sheeran ❀ Alone in Kyoto-Air ❀ Will the Circle Be Unbroken-Courtney Draper [Cover]❀

[thepeakofhoperp]

Body Discovery 5: A Sinking Feeling

As Karin walked into the pool area, she could tell immediately that something was off about the scene. A container of something sat on the edge of the pool, with what looked like some sort of paper underneath it. Curiously, she approached the edge of the pool to examine it, but her eyes trailed to something far more alarming before she could properly look at it.

Karin peered over the edge to find Mayu Takagi floating in the water. What will Karin do?

[shslfalconry]

The Path [OPEN]

[shsl-funnyguy]

Kissing was somehow different than he thought it would be. 

Of course, he had always envisioned himself valiantly taking charge, perhaps dipping his partner and kissing them like they did in the movies— with perhaps a cool one-liner, the wind blowing, a spotlight, maybe— who knows. The kisses he had read about in books always seemed so dramatic… He had expected his life to change, his heart to swell and his mind to go blank, perhaps a rush of— of what, true love to overtake him? In all truthfulness, he didn’t know what he expected, but whatever this was, wasn’t it. 

Of course, his initial reaction was shock. It took him a few solid moments to realize what was going on, to finally come to the conclusion that yes, he was being kissed by Mayu Takagi. And then, all at once, everything went numb, and he closed his eyes. 

It was… nice. Somehow, he had always convinced himself that kissing was almost a violent thing, it always looked so passionate in films— but no, it was… Calming. It felt right, as he had to hunch over a tad so the two could share their moment. For a few seconds, he forgot about his previous worries and fears, he forgot about the cameras that constantly watched them, he forgot that the two could die at any moment. All that mattered was the pleasant day, Mayu’s gloved hand on his face, his own folded in his lap, as he kept his eyes closed and remained motionless. Her lips were… soft, despite how forward and brisk she behaved, and honestly, it was endearing to know that even though she carried herself in an almost harsh manner, she was actually so warm and gentle. 

When their lips parted, Akimitsu refused to open his eyes for a second or two, not wanting to face the reality that it had ended. However, he supposed he’d have to, eventually… As he opened his eyes, he became painfully aware that they were still stuck at the resort, that he would most likely die, that his classmates had fallen, that none of them would be the same ever again. And it was too much. 

Lightly, he took her hands in his, his long fingers easily wrapping around her smaller ones, and watched her with an air of concern. His gaze fell across the falconer, taking in the way she looked, the way her face burned in embarrassment, the way she couldn’t look into his eyes…

And all at once, he smiled. 

With a stupid, giddy giggle, Akimitsu lifted one of her hands and kissed the top of it, like he had done in the library so many days ago. He then raised it a tad to rest his forehead against her fingers, eyes closing once more and the genuine grin stretching across his expression. 

"I understand, Mayu." 

He dropped her hand, but still kept it in his grip, as he opened his eyes once more and looked back to her reflection in the water. “And I promise, if we both get out of here, I will make sure you understand me as well.”

It was… The first time he had said anything along the lines of actually wanting to get out of there alive. He realized, all at once, that now he had a reason to. Now he had Mayu. 

God, kissing was great.

[shslfalconry]

His laughter startled her, and Mayu's hackles went up instantly - it wasn't like she'd forgotten to be embarrassed, after all.  But before she could muster her best icy glare to shoot at him, she felt his lips on her skin again, and the expression died on her face.  Only the back of her hand, but her heart felt light and her head was swimming as she turned to him

The smile on Akimitsu's face was like none she'd ever seen before - from him nor anyone else; his forehead felt warm, and she recognised his face was as flushed as her own.  His words were only driving home what she suspected: that this was not rejection, not mockery, but full, open-hearted acceptance.  She gave him hope, she realised, and Mayu had no way to respond to that than to simply go on staring at his big, goofy, heart-stopping grin.

Vaguely, she wondered if even she had known quite how deep she was in it before today.  She'd lived her life before Hope's Peak prone to crippling crushes, and this had been at once a hundred times worse and a thousand times better.  Crippling, still, and mortifying sometimes, and painful by fits and starts - but infused with something better and lighter in the end, something not dissimilar to the way she felt on a really good, cloudless day when she could get herself and Hayato out to the country and just let him off the hook.  She'd spent countless afternoons just watching him soar, wondering at that grace and agility, and it remained a sight that could cure any of her heart's ills.  As she looked back to the water now, she realised that this was something else she could have happily watched for a thousand hours.

Their image below was a pretty one - they looked good together, hands clasped, faces brightly blushing, the kind of teen sweethearts you always saw in manga... but there was still something not quite right.  She shuffled closer again, until their legs were just touching, and gently laid her head on his shoulder.  There, she thought.  All's right.

"... what you were saying earlier," she murmured, meeting his eyes in their reflection, "about not having to speak - would it be okay, if we just sat like this for a while longer?  We don't have to talk.  I'd actually prefer it if we didn't.  I just want to soak it up. I could use some more good memories of this place, in case we don't make it through this... and in case, just on the off chance, we do." 

And was that hope of her own, just now?  Did he truly make her so maudlin?  The words had just gone tumbling out her mouth before she could think better of them.  The current went both ways, it seemed; she could scarcely believe it.

Mayu closed her eyes and listened, carefully - to Akimitsu's breathing, to the wind moving through the plants and across the water.  She felt the warm sun on her face, and his hand in hers.  They fit - like a glove, she thought, a shy smile playing across her face as she squeezed his hand; like two pieces of a puzzle.  She consigned it all to memory, bit by bit, flavour to her perfect picture, and offered up a rare prayer that no one would stumble upon them for a good long time.

"I..." Eyes still shut, Mayu sighed a long, fluttering sigh of what sounded like contentment. "I know this is going to be one."

[shslsurvival-blog]

[Free Time] Meltwater || Takagi-chan

[shslsurvival-blog]

Mayu removes her sunglasses from her usual perch on top of her forehead„ and Yukio raises his eyebrows. He’s not sure, but he thinks it might be the first time he’s seen her without them, and somehow it makes the atmosphere in the library more… what? Serious? Solemn? Some sober ‘s’ sound, anyway. Either way… it, and Mayu’s slightly nervous countenance makes him be quiet, listening as the falconer begins to speak.

For a long time, Mayu’s voice is the only thing that fills the room, otherwise empty but for books and shelves and the three of them. He pays attention, continuing to idly pet Hayato with that one finger, as she talks about her family; the cold, capable, analytical older sister that so closely resembles the girl he thought Mayu was when he first met her. The enthusiastic, capable brother that supported her through everything. And then, the comparison to Yukio himself, as she reaches the crux of the matter.

"…Takagi-chan," he begins again, after a long, contemplative moment, "Do you really think I’m the type to pick what’s easy over what I actually want to do? C’mon, you know me better than that.

"It’s like I told you before. We’re friends — at least, I think so. And being totally candid with you, I don’t have all that many of those on the outside. Acquaintances and fans, sure, but I spend too much time away from the everyday-to-day shit to do all the normal teenager stuff. So… there’s kind of a silver lining to this place. I got to know one of the most clever, interesting girls I’ve ever had the privilege of meeting."

Yukio finds himself avoiding her gaze in turn, now, glancing out the window. "…Anyway, emotional speech over. The point is I’m glad you chose me, alright? So don’t say sorry." A pause, where he looks back at her. "I’ll have to meet this Takagi Torio I’m apparantly so much like, though. I’ll make that a goal for when this is finally over. He can tell me your embarassing baby stories, or something."

[shslfalconry]

His reaction to her (admittedly melodramatic) speech doesn't so much surprise her.  Of course these are things she already knows - you cannot make Yukio do anything he does not want to do - but if she doesn't carry guilt in her every step, what can she do?  If she can't apologise for every action she takes, what does she have?

She pauses, her hand falling from her face.

Maybe the answer is right in front of her.  Here is a person, right before her eyes, who is asking her not to say sorry any more.  She has a friend - friends plural, in fact - against all the odds, and for the first time in her short life.

And maybe her blood's still up, and her head is addled with everything that's happened in that long, long day - or maybe it's genuine affection that spurs her, and who's to say?  Mayu leans forward, rising just slightly off her chair, and presses a gentle kiss to Yukio's cheek.  It's nothing like with Akimitsu - not that she expected it to be.  She's less flustered, for one thing, and therefore messing up less badly, by her own estimation.  His skin is somehow softer than she thought it'd be, and it catches her off guard; she lingers half a second too long before pulling away and opening her eyes.

When she meets his gaze this time, that searching look that's become characteristic of her is gone.  Perhaps they haven't known each other long, but Mayu doesn't need that time to know what she knows now: she has found something in Yukio Kumagae.  It's nothing romantic, nothing that she can even explain as friendship - it's both less and more, rushed out of necessity but feeling the weight of years all the same.  Comparing him with Torio was the only thing that made the least bit of sense.

If - and it's a very big 'if', but - if she believed in past lives...

Mayu heaves a sigh, thick with relief.  "Forgive that impertinence, Kumagae-kun - just... consider me moved by your words. Now, I'll apologise no more," She smiles, and settles back in to the chair, for once - it seems - completely at ease.  "I am... truly very glad we are friends. I would not have made it this far without you... Thank you, for your ear and your shoulder. If there is ever anything with which I can assist you - and I will not hesitate to ask your assistance, either."

There's a warmth spreading through her chest that - she reckons - only a few people in this world could inspire in her.  She never should have doubted.  As long as she has allies like this - like Kumagae-kun, and Akimitsu; Ikemizu-san and Watanabe-san; even Ayase-san, as wary as the archer remains - everything is going to work out.

Mayu has faith.

[shslfalconry]

The Path [OPEN]

[shsltformation]

Mental note to self: never ever copy what her former classmates did ever again.

Her incredibly horrible attempt at trying to lighten the mood had both darkened the mood and quelled Mayu’s own attempt at lightening the mood herself. She’d also misinterpreted the situation; she assumed the query about Hayato had just been small talk leading up to asking about the trial, when in actuality it was the other way around. 

Not that she wasn’t curious as to Mayu’s actions during the trial, however. In fact, many people’s behaviors were perplexing this time around. Mari, Yasu and Mayu in particular had acted in ways that went against how they normally acted. There was surely an explanation for why they had done it, but if she as going to be honest with herself, she only really cared to hear about Mari’s behavior-she’d promised to protect her, after all and she couldn’t do that without knowing what sort of plan Mari had been trying to enact. Still, it was hardly wise to not hear the explanations of the others as well and it would serve as more things she could use to benefit her.

"Oh-I see. I can understand that you were under a great deal of stress-this trial seems to have affected us all in some way or another. I would tell you to try to retain such strong emotions next time to avoid such situations as the one between you and Kyou-san, but no doubt you already acknowledge this so I see no need to tell you again."

She sighed, taking a seat next to Mayu and laying the bird rice down next to her.

"This trial…everyone was so different. Kyou-san had an emotional outburst much unlike how someone in her field should, Kumagae-san was the opposite, you showed an unusually…violent nature, and Mari-san lied to us all for reasons I know not of. We are all being worn down and I cannot help but wonder…is this what everyone is truly like?”

She stopped. Shoot, she wasn’t supposed to say that out loud-much less while in the company of someone she didn’t trust. She had better change the subject as quickly as she could before Mayu decided to comment on it. Picking up the rice once more, she held it out to Mayu.

"W-Well anyway, that is not why I came to bother you. I got this from the Monomachine, and I thought that it would be nice for Hayato-san to have. I can imagine it would be hard for him to find food around here so anything made specifically for him would be welcome indeed-if you would accept it anyway."

[shslfalconry]

Mayu smiled drily as Kikyo spoke.  Regardless of how the archer felt about her, she had always liked Ayase-san - enjoyed her rational, observant nature.  Of course that nature would not fail her now, as she analysed the behaviour of all those who had been key players at the trial - n ot that Mayu would call herself a key player.  More like an obstruction, if she was honest.  Her observations were definitely interesting, though, even if they weren't all new, and they gave Mayu some things to think about.

Before she could pick up the thread, though, Kikyo had quickly changed the subject.  Mayu's eyes flitted down, taking in the packet of bird rice in the same moment her eyebrows crawled up her forehead.  It was identical - down to the detail - to the rice Kumagae-kun had presented her with all those days ago (mentally, she ticked off the days she'd been reunited with Hayato - was it really so long ago?).  There must have been multiples of the rice in the Monomachine - but why, she wondered, frowning.

Kikyo's words snapped her out of it.  Slowly, she looked up, meeting the other girl's eyes - and there was a long, tense moment as she asked herself exactly what Ayase was doing here.  Why do you show so clearly you don't trust me, she wonders, and then sit beside me all the same?  Why point out the ways in which I've erred, only to offer me a gift?  What's your motive?

But it passed, and she smiled then, warmer than before.  If it didn't quite reach her eyes, then... so what?  "Thank you, Ayase-san," she replied, taking the rice, letting her hands hover over Kikyo's for just a moment too long.  "I'm sure Hayato will be very happy to receive this gift."  Mayu packed it away in one pocket - silently hoped her bird would appear sooner rather than later, to bring some relief to this awkward, awkward moment.

Then she remembered something

It felt like a long ago memory, the exact opposite of the last one; a lifetime ago, though it was only a few weeks.  The first conversation she'd ever had with Kikyo - before the Bear, before the murders or any of that - when the two of them had made something of a promise to each other: Maybe sometime we could teach each other, Ayase-san?

Mayu blinked, struck dumb by the intensity of it.  "Ayase-san, do you... remember when we first met?"  She wasn't sure what she was doing, but what the hell.  "When I asked you to teach me how to shoot?  And I said I would teach you how to hawk?"

She glanced over at the other girl, something distantly vulnerable in her expression.  She was giving Kikyo every opportunity now - every opportunity to shoot her down, if the archer was so inclined. 

"Would you... I mean, we have our opportunity, now.  Unless you don't feel comfortable handing me a bow and arrow.  I don't blame you."

[shslfalconry]

The Path [OPEN]

[shsl-funnyguy]

"…"

He wanted nothing more than to fully encase his hand around her’s, hold her close and tell her that no, this was not an errand for fools. He wanted her to see how important it was that he make his feelings clear, that she understands his words, so she could perhaps return them before he died—

And then, suddenly, he realized how selfish he was being. 

Akimitsu had came and inserted himself into Mayu’s private moment, only to make her uncomfortable and press his own feelings upon her. He truly was a fool, not someone worthy of her acknowledgement and trust. His eyes never left her reflection, even when her hand rested atop his, as he considered this. But now, he slowly turned to her, a light frown on his expression and his eyes searching. 

"…I know." He paused, looking down at his free hand, weary of her golden gaze. 

"Mayu… I’m so sorry about this, about all of this. I want nothing more than to be a friend to you."

God, that was a lie. It burned on his tongue and caught in his throat, and his expression wasn’t very convincing, either. But if it was a friend that she needed, it was a friend that he could be. Anything to see her smile again.

"May I continue to sit with you, perhaps a while more? We don’t have to speak, if you don’t want to. We don’t even have to say goodbye when it’s over. All I want is your company, if that would be alright."

[shslfalconry]

"No, please - " Why wouldn't he look at her?  Mayu wanted to shake him, or scream, or something - anything that would get his attention, snap him out of it.  He seemed to have some strange idea that he owed her apologies, that he was somehow unworthy of her, that she reacted this way because she didn't want this.  It didn't seem to matter how many times they came back to it; they couldn't speak straight to each other, and...

Honestly, she was so sick of it.

Mayu scooched over, putting herself as close to him as she dared - as close as she could go without scaring him off.  She didn't want to treat him like a child - she knew he wasn't stupid.  But... if it would force him to listen to her.  "Yuzu - Akimitsu.  Listen to me... I've tried to explain to you a dozen times.  Remember when I fled from you in the lobby?  Or our conversation in the library?  I've hinted at it, and... I've moreorless said it outright."

Her resolved wavered - her eyes flickered away, then back.  "Maybe I wasn't clear enough those times.  I'm going to be clear now."

Her stomach turning, her heart going like a jackhammer, Mayu removed her hand from Akimitsu's and reached up with both hands to cup his face, turning it towards her.  She held him still, gently but firmly, so he had no choice but to look her in the eye.

She remembered noticing his eyes when first they'd met - their unusual clarity, the honest look they gave him.  It wasn't so much the eyes she noticed now as the trepidation in them, the fear and excitement - just two sides of the same coin.  Mayu didn't doubt he would find the same feelings mirrored in her eyes, too.

Before she could give herself time to second-guess, she steeled herself, and closed the distance between them, pressing her lips against his.

She kissed the same way she carried herself - too uptight, almost defiant - like she was trying to prove a point.  Wasn't she?   One hand fell away from his face immediately, balling in to a fist so tight it trembled - but she held still as long as she could, pulling away only when she could bear it no longer.  

Turning bright, furiously red, she took her hands and folded them in her lap; bit down hard on her lip as she fixed on a particularly large rock in the distance.

"... I... didn't want this to go any further because I feared it would compound the pain, should one of us die.  You and I have no regard for our own lives, yet look at us - still alive." Now she was the one who couldn't look him in the eye. "Now I think, had I died not having done that... not having made sure you understood me -

"That would have been the greater regret.  I am sure now."

[shslfalconry]

The Path [OPEN]

[shsltformation]

After the trial, Monobear had left his usual gift of Monocoins on their stands. She had taken hers to the Monomachine-after all, there wasn’t much else she could do with them, and maybe she would find something that would cheer her friends up. She deposited the coin into the machine, and in return she was granted…a bag of rice? Was she expected to cook with these? Upon closer inspection, the rice was revealed to be Bird Rice and not really for human consumption, although the slip of info that came with it proclaimed that it was alright to eat it. She’d better not try, though. Better to be safe than sorry, after all.

There was really only one course of action to take after that. Holding onto the bag carefully, she began walking around the lodge, her eyes searching for the familiar red outfit belonging to the falconer-and her bird, of course. Of course, that wasn’t all she was keeping an eye out for. She was hoping to spot some familiar faces along the way, ones she could trust with certainty as well as those “clues” Monobear mentioned. She wasn’t sure how much of what he’d said concerning the clues-or Shuu- had been true or not, but it was worth looking into. It’s not like they had much else to do but wait for another motive, anyway.

She walked around the main building without encountering a single person, familiar of otherwise before deciding to head to the new area tat had opened up. Just by peering through the doors, she could tell she would like this section very much-she’d nearly dropped the bag of rice upon seeing the range in surprise and happiness-and even though the administration office piqued her curiosity, she decided to just take a quick look around before deciding on a place to start looking around. She passed by the door leading to the zen garden, when the familiar figure of Mayu caught her eye. Ah, there she was.

She nudged the door open with her foot and took in the beautiful surroundings for a moment, entranced by how such a peaceful and lovely place could be in the midst of a place where such horrible things had taken place. This reminded her too much of home-if she stayed here for very long, she would most likely succumb to the shameful thing called emotions. Best to speak to Mayu and get this over with; truth be told, she didn’t exactly trust Mayu. In fact, her feelings towards her had become quite complex ever since Shuu had been murdered.

She respected her a great deal; she was logical, level-headed, if a bit cold, and was always certain of her convictions. Even though it would have seemed that their talents would make them opposites, she had felt a quiet bond of kinship with Mayu-and Mayu, in turn had trusted her enough to tell her of a possible plan of escape as well as speak positively of her to Yukio.

However, she had also put herself out there as a suspect in this last investigation-and her intense dislike of Rai had not helped her. She also suspected that if Mayu ever found out she was one of the few that had still believed in Rai then she would be treated as untrustworthy. What she had done to Rai was…well, it was pretty horrible considering how stressful the situation must have already been prior and her actions really must not have helped…and if she was going to be honest, she didn’t exactly think she could ever trust her ever again. 

In other words, she was about to approach a girl she respected but didn’t trust and give her rice made for birds. 

She walked up towards where Mayu was sitting almost absent-mindedly and quietly coughed to get her attention and not scare her.

"Ah…Takagi-san? I hope I am not bothering you. I, uh.."

Oh dear.

"I see Hayato-san is not with you presently. Has he gone out on a flight to stretch his wings? I would imagine a bird of his size would feel rather cramped in that small…courtroom…"

She could feel the awkward mood she was putting out there. What was she going to do…Ah! Back when she attended public school, her classmates would always dispel an awkward impasse with a remark about the weather. That was worth a try-and the worst that would happen was that she would embarrass herself in front of Mayu. Nothing to lose, really. She took a deep breath, trying to remember what the exact phrasing was before grinning comically and speaking in a false upbeat tone.

"So,how about that trial, huh?"

Oh my god, that was the worst thing she’d ever said. She immediately hid her face behind the bag of rice to hide the burning shame and embarrassment she was sure was showing itself on her face.

Nice going, Kikyo.

[shslfalconry]

Wasn't she just Miss Popular today?  Visitor after visitor, and all of them wanting something different; Mayu imagined this was what an important politician must feel like, navigating all these difficult waters, trying to rebuild bridges... while sitting on a bridge.  So far today she'd been suspended by the throat, dunked in the pond (her shoes and jacket were still drying by her side), and... well, how did she put words to what had happened with Akimitsu?  The memory of his face, scared but hopeful, rattled around fresh in her head.

Still, it was much better than being cast a social pariah - the outcome she had fully expected, and was still surprised she hadn't received.

The latest in her long line of guests cleared her throat politely to draw her attention.  Mayu looked up in to the face of Kikyo Ayase, the girl who had been foremost in her thoughts as the falconer had explored the new area.  Though Ayase-san had given voice, in the trial, to a lot of what she wished she had been able to say herself, Mayu wasn't certain it had been for her benefit: in her presence now, the archer looked nervous, distrustful.  Not that Mayu could blame her - she would have been wary of Kikyo too, in the same circumstances.

"Certainly you aren't bothering me - " She patted the stone next to her, companionably. "I was thinking of nothing important.  Are you looking to speak with Hayato?"  Mayu smiled a little, trying to put Kikyo at ease.  "He's gone for a bite to eat, but I think he ought to be returning soon - "

The way in which the other girl blundered directly to the heart of the matter put her on the back foot - Mayu's eyebrows crept up her forehead, and her small smile faded.  "Or perhaps your interest in my bird is only so much small talk, and you have really come here to question my behaviour this morning."  Sighing, she looked out across the pond and garden, reaching up to fiddle with one leg of her glasses as she often did when she was nervous.  Somehow, she managed to miss the rice, not being close enough to read the name on the packet.

"First of all, I'd like to raise a minor defence of myself: much of what I said back there was in anger.  Admittedly, I should have tried harder to hold my tongue.  But I meant very little of it."  Mayu folded her hands neatly in her lap, preparing for the lambasting she knew very well Kikyo was capable of giving.

"Go ahead, Ayase-san.  I'm interested to hear your opinion." 

[shslfalconry]

The Path [OPEN]

[shslspeed-skater]

One second Mari was standing, trying to help Mayu up from the pond, and the next thing she knows she was flat on her ass, completely soaked in pond water, coughing and sputtering as her hair had come to cover her eyes. Soon she heard an apology directed her way along with a pair of hands on her body, helping her up from the water.

"N-no it’s alright Takagi-san, it was all my fault I— Nah I’m alright, Are you alright? I’m so sorry—" Mari quickly brushed her wet and dripping hair from her eyes, and the first thing she saw was Mayu, blushing and looking genuinely sorry. Blinking as the other girl suddenly burst out laughing, Mari stared at the other for a moment before she herself couldn’t help but burst into laughter herself.

It all felt so surreal, the both of them apologizing profusely whilst standing in a pond— It wasn’t really anything to laugh about, but Mari couldn’t help but laugh until tears came to her eyes, doubling over slightly gasping for breath.

"Ahaha— Ahaha— Ah— … ha… M-mayu-san, I’m sorry but— pff—" Slowly, almost stumbling again as she tried to regain control of herself, Mari climbed back onto the bridge, reaching an arm out to help pull Mayu up from the water back onto dry land. Sitting there on the bridge, Mari breathed heavily as she smiled from ear to ear. It’d… Been what felt like an eternity since she’d laughed so hard. It felt as if a weight had been lifted from her as she closed her eyes, breathing in the fresh air of the garden.

Wringing out her hair, letting the water drip back into the pond, Mari took off her bandanna, doing the same as she did with her hair before placing it beside her on the bridge. She looked to Mayu next to her, her eyes once again clear and full of life. She… Wanted to thank Mayu for whatever she’d done. She wasn’t even sure what she should thank the other girl for, but… If anything she was glad for that laugh. Really glad.

"Hey… Mayu-san— Oh, uh is it alright if I call you that?" She smiled sheepishly as she reached up and picked a piece of what looked to be some sort of aquatic plant from Mayu’s hair, casually tossing it back into the pond. "… Ahah, well no use apologizing now, you got back at me so we’re even."

Looking back towards the still ripple filled pond, Mari let out a sigh, reaching down to take off her now soaked through shoes along with her socks, tossing them next to her. “I guess it also serves me right for what I did.” Her smile remained as she looked back towards Mayu, however Mari’s eyes gave her a silent apology as they filled with sadness.

"Hey… It’s alright if you hate me now. My actions are unforgivable… I doubt there’s much I can do to atone for all I’ve done, but… I’m gonna do whatever it takes to get us outta here. I swear on my life I’ll do it… Even if no one else believes my words, that’s alright. I can’t make anymore promises to others without breaking them. So I’ll make this one to myself— Ah. Sorry, I’m rambling…"

Turning her head towards the open expanse of the sky, Mari gazed at the passing clouds, her smile slowly fading from her face. Though she couldn’t ask for Mayu’s forgiveness, she at least hoped the other girl would be willing to cooperate with her in finding the ‘clues’ Monobear had mentioned in an earlier announcement… Perhaps then they would be able to find a way of escape or maybe even an explanation as to why they were here to begin with. Any clue right now would be great, since they had gotten nothing at all up till this point.

[shslfalconry]

Mayu's laughter intensified as Mari joined in, reaching a near-hysterical pitch as the other girl giggled along with her.  How long had it been since she'd laughed like this?  Certainly it must have been many years... not since long before she'd agreed to attend Hope's Peak.  It felt amazing - liberating, almost, to cast off her stoic facade and just laugh for the pure joy of the thing.

So she couldn't stay annoyed as Mari helped pull her out of the pond, and the two of them sat side by side drying, slowly, in the weak sunshine.  Mayu shrugged off her jacket, reached up to pull out her ponytail and let her hair fall down loose, waist-long and straight as an arrow - it would dry faster this way.  She almost turned bright red all over again as Mari plucked a long green plant fibre from her head, but managed to just smile and thank her.

The atmosphere was light and cheerful, despite everything left unsaid between them, and she found she just wanted it to last that way; that she was happy for Mari to call her by her forename, if that was what the speed skater wished.  But all good things, et cetera, et cetera.  She didn't meet Mari's eyes as she spoke, reaching down to pour water out of her shoes with a reinstated sombre expression. "I don't hate you.  To be honest, I'm grateful to you."

Mayu set her shoes next to her jacket and stared out across the garden.  "Perhaps that's odd.  But I'm grateful you came to see me.  I wasn't really feeling up to confronting anyone right about now.  I would have thought you... I mean, please don't get me wrong, but with you being so close to Kyou-san, I was sure - "

She reached up to touch her hair, pushing it back behind her ears. "I was very cold in that trial.  I didn't mean much of what I said.  And I'm admittedly a little touched that you, at least, seem to have realised that.  Perhaps I ought to treat you too with disdain and coldness - but maybe I've changed.  I can't say for sure."  Mayu finally turned her gaze on Mari, sharp yellow eyes meeting blue in that peculiar way she had of looking for something.

"Kyou-san did not give us much of a chance to understand why exactly you did what you did, Ikemizu-san.  If you are interesting in telling, I would be interested in hearing."