optimum-discipulo-interpres:
“… well…” Barako begins as she rubs the back of her head and looks away apologetically.
“I guess the initial impetus was that I didn’t know we’d be in a killing game of all things,” Barako admitted, “and I assumed things would be over quick or wouldn’t escalate as bad as they did but… well look at where we are now.”
It was the truth! It wasn’t like Barako would know Lucian would get his legs paralyzed or that Reina, Katsumi, Keiko and Emiko would all die. Things as they were now were drastically different than when Barako made the lie… though partially she can’t help but still internally blame Lucian a bit for buying something very obviously fake.
It almost felt even more rude to have to treat Lucian as a child about these things but… well here we are.
“Lucian… I’m sorry about what happened. To your legs and about my suspicions of you at the trial. If I offended in that regard, that’s my own fault and I’ll accept that,” Barako sighed.
“And I’ll also accept that telling you all that was also not something I should have done so casually… but it does all stem from a larger issue I have with you. As an… acquaintance,” Barako inhales and lets out an exasperated sigh.
“Domnul Ravenholm… I can’t accept that you’re a vampire,” she states simply, “it just raises too many questions. Like… okay, say you are immortal and over 200 years old. Are you the only one? Or are there more? If there are more than… where are they? Why does no political or scientific establishment talk about them? Why aren’t there official newspaper articles and webpages dedicated to discussing what’s going on in the immortal undead creature community?”
“Do they hold a masquerade to keep mortals from knowing of them? If that’s so then… why do you walk into every room dressed as Lestat going ‘Hello I am vampire man I am undead and immortal let me suck your blood’! Shouldn’t they have stopped you by now!?” Barako’s pupils have dilated a bit and she’s gripping her head. The thing here is… she doesn’t even sound accusatory or desperate. Just confused.
“And if you’re the only one then… why hasn’t HPA’s associates or some medical study come out about you? The literal MIRACLE OF MEDICAL SCIENCE. Most movies and indeed anything have taught me that if there’s something that defies normal convention science would do all that they could to know more about it! And again, you’ve never once attempted to hide or cloud this fact so… why is there no agency looking to dissect you? And yes I say dissection because if what you say is true they would technically be opening up a dead body,” Barako continues with an exasperated tone.
“There’s just so many things your claim makes me question that I can’t really accept it without something… very hard and concrete on top of that,” Barako admits, “It’s not that I don’t believe you. It’s that I can’t believe you. Because to believe you would be to change my understanding of the world itself on faith alone which is… a lot to ask someone.”
This is Barako’s honesty. She might still think Lucian a fool, but a pitiable fool. She isn’t showing hatred or malice or… anything toward him other than the simple fact: she disbelieves. She disbelieves him just as much as if he were claiming to be Santa.
And then… she looks to Hoshimi. She certainly has a relationship with Lucian but given her talent… she’s not entirely sure WHY she’s so close to Lucian. Is there really something unique about him?
“Abe-san…. I don’t know what you think of me at this point. But…” she kind of just… shrugs and sits back and waits to see how these two react. IF these two react.
“Why does this even matter t’ ya?” Hoshimi cuts in, eyes narrowed as they look across the table at Barako. “Yer so wrapped up in yer own perceptions a what th’ world’s ‘supposed’ t’ be. So what if ya don’t believe ‘im? Ya don’t need t’ tell ‘im! Never mind provide all that stuff t’ try an’ prove ‘im wrong.”
They pick up a fork and angrily tear at the food they’d gotten for themself. Oh yeah, this type of stuff was why they had a problem with Barako.
“What yer doin’ shows no concern fer others. And what ya’ve done in th’ past shows that this’s more than just disbelief. Ya’ve gone out of yer way t’ make fun a him, and made comments that were incredibly innapropriate, ‘specially considerin’ the situation we’re in.”
They glance over to Lucian as they say that, avoiding being specific about those instances in an attempt to prevent him from getting more upset.
“Yer too quick t’ judge anyone ya deem ‘different’, and t’ be vocal ‘bout that judgement as well. Ya just… don’t treat people well, based off nothin’ but shallow judgement. As for what I think… I think yer a stuck up asshole that needs t’ realize that not everyone’s gonna fit yer ridiculous expectations. But… I also think ya have th’ potential t’ learn better, which is more than I can say ‘bout other people I’ve met.”
When Barako started off with ‘I’m sorry about your legs,’ Lucian was confused. That wasn’t what they had been talking about, it didn’t really have anything to do with anything. Except to be a cushion for what she said next.
An issue I have with you.
I can’t accept that you’re a vampire.
Lucian visibly flinched when Barako said that, and it just kept going from there. Getting worse. She was-- she was attacking him, mocking how he dressed and how he acted. This wasn’t like Ren saying they didn’t like him because he didn’t know boundaries, this was different. This was personal. And then she’s talking about dissection and lying through her teeth, right to his face, about it’s not that I don’t believe you.
He wasn’t sure when exactly the tears had welled into his eyes, or when the lump rose in his throat. Hoshimi spoke up, and he was grateful, really. She still had his back.
“... So you were... just making fun of me because... because why? Because I wasn’t like you? Just because I look different, just because I’m not human anymore?” Lucian’s voice trembles, but there’s an edge of hurt defensiveness there. "Are you jealous because I’m... I’m comfortable knowing who I am?” But he’s not comfortable being torn down. He’s not.
“I’m not the only one! I run several of the blogs! The vampire who turned me was part of the medical community! I don’t... I don’t know everything, I’m just-- I’m doing my best, okay? I got my title for a reason, because Hope’s Peak sees my research and sees that I’m making a difference!” Or maybe he wasn’t.
Maybe everyone who indulged him was just like Barako. Just like Yoshiro.
How many people were lying to him?
“Everyone else is just scared to come out of the darkness because of people like you.” His cheeks and nose flush a little and he is blinking back tears, keeping his arms wrapped tightly around himself.
“I’m dead. I don’t have a pulse. I’m not alive. And I don’t-- I shouldn’t have to prove I exist to everyone just to have you stop making fun of me!” Lucian’s eyes squeeze shut and he leans forwards, finally uncrossing his arms to put his face in his hands.
It hurt. Everything about what Barako was saying hurt. Several seconds pass as he takes a shaky breath before continuing, softer. “... You even... you said it was your blood. You didn’t have to. You could have... could have just...” But he trails off instead of finishing the statement. “And you were just laughing at me while I believed you.”
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