Shumailla Dar

London-based writer.

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Resuscitation

Here goes. The first of many new year’s resolutions. A lot of my recent social media posts have simply been about food. Instagram has well and truly taken over my life, just like Twitter once did - sucking all my creative energies out and reducing them to 140 characters (well, a bit longer nowadays, I guess). But in all seriousness. I have to write. I need to write. Those who write will understand the urgency of the written word.  It’s not something I can describe without using more than 140 characters, and that’s why today I resuscitate a long forgotten blog.

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Is Testing Four Year Olds Really Such A Bad Thing?

As parents we want the best for our children. For me, I want to know that the school my child attends has his / her interests at heart. I want to know that the school, and my child's teachers, know my child's specific needs and understand how to help them learn. Yesterday the government confirmed it's decision to go ahead with plans to introduce compulsory testing for children who enter Reception, starting from September 2016. The assessments, which will take place during the first four weeks of Reception, will give teachers a clear indication of a child's abilities at the point they enter the education system. It is hoped that this new baselining system will give a better indication of a school's overall performance by tracking the progress of a child's attainment from the moment they enter formal education.

Not surprisingly this announcement has been met by suspicion from parents and teachers who see it as another layer of bureaucracy, as well as being too early for children to be tested. Parents fear it will judge children unfairly, particularly those children born in the summer months, having only just turned four when they enter Reception. But the question is, are these tests something new or do good schools already have a way of measuring aptitude from the start?

Performance Indicators for Primary Schools (PIPS) created by the Centre for Evaluation and Monitoring (CEM) are currently used by many schools as a way of measuring a child's attainment from an early age. So are these tests a complicated and daunting process that a child has to go through? Educational Psychologist, and Founder of Homeschool Connect, Dr Sangeeta Silva, doesn't think so. Dr Silva says "done in the right way, assessments for children starting reception can be a good thing. It can give an indication about where a child is and can help track progress." So what are PIPS? Established in 1991, PIPS are a standardised assessment system designed to monitor pupils' educational progress during the Reception year. According to the CEM web site,

"PIPS provides an assessment of attainment in the areas of reading, mathematics and phonological awareness. By assessing children when they enter Reception and then again just before they leave, allows teachers to build a powerful profile of individual progress for every child throughout the Reception year.  Comparisons with national data also enables teachers to highlight gifted and talented/SEN pupils early on in their educational career."

The CEM clearly outline how the assessment takes place on their web site. Children are not expected to know their phonics, or solve mathematical equations - a misconception held by a number of parents. What we need to do is understand where a baseline assessment might take us, and what it could mean for each individual child. Speaking about what impact such assessments might have on children, Dr Silva comments "what the government are proposing is extremely useful, because as we know without basic skills there are huge attainment gaps. For every child that can access the test it is a good measure, schools have an obligation to educate everybody."

The new tests will mean that there will no longer be a hiding place for underperforming schools, and teachers will need to focus their efforts on the children identified as needing the most support. Resistance from parents may be from a lack of understanding, from not knowing what their child will go through - or indeed whether they will be measured against their peers. Dr Silva says, "I don't know how much parents understand about assessments and the different forms of it. I think parents are scared of the pressure. I imagine that it will be a twenty minute assessment, visual, conceptual and verbal reasoning, with children giving their answers orally, backed up with observational information. I think parents might be frightened of the image that they might get. Good schools do both, they might do a one-on-one twenty minute assessments, but then supplement it with observational information."

Some parents have commented that the tests will mean that children will be pressured to work harder from an earlier age. But is this necessarily such a bad thing? Having scored badly on PISA late last year shouldn't we be moving closer to improving educational attainment? Isn't it paramount that we instil a culture of learning from the very beginning? It seems simple enough, but as with any new policy, only time will tell. What parents need to understand is where these tests will eventually take us. Tests, whichever age they are undertaken, are not simply a pressure vault where children are expected to perform, but can over time improve the long-term chances of children, and hopefully, their overall quality of life.

This article first appeared on The Huffington Post.

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Christmas is great, just don't expect me to celebrate

I love how excited everyone becomes at Christmas, it has to be one of my favourite times of the year. Amidst the blustering winds, unpredictable downpour, and imminent travel disruption, all that festive spirit really does help make everyone feel a little bit better. But the truth is, I don't actually celebrate Christmas. I'm a second generation British Asian who was born and brought up in this country but I have never spent a single Christmas celebrating it. It's always been slightly bewildering to some of my friends, but in all honesty I haven't really felt like I've missed out on anything.

For me, festivities at Christmas are lovely to observe from afar, but that's where I draw the line. As someone who was born and brought up in Britain I have never had any problem embracing the cultures of this country when I was growing up, while at the same time holding on to my own values and customs. For me the two have never been mutually exclusive. I find it difficult to digest when people, especially new immigrants, tell me I need to celebrate Christmas to 'adjust.' In my house we never had a Christmas tree, we never exchanged presents, and we didn't feel bad about it. It wasn't our festival. We simply got together as friends and family and enjoyed our day, watching good TV and eating lots of food. We felt very grateful that we had the day off from work. I've always held a strong sense of patriotism and truly believe that whether or not you celebrate Christmas does not determine how loyal you are to this country. I shouldn't have to give up what I believe in to be British, and I'm certainly not going to give into the marketing ploy played out by many retailers at this time of year.

But if like me you don't celebrate Christmas you might notice the hype a lot more this year. I've never really found it off-putting, far from it, I love the warmth around me. It's as though the world that I live in changes into a dramatic film set for a few days, the lights, the music, all that glitter and glamour - it's a magical time. But what has put me off this year is how much it's all being shoved down my throat. Perhaps I'm just noticing it more having become a parent, but I shouldn't be made to feel guilty about not sharing the festive spirit with my young children.

I don't know how parents who don't celebrate Christmas are battling this out. It's hard enough to inform your children that there's no such thing as Santa, let alone explain to them why we don't celebrate Christmas in the first place. I mean surely I'm not alone in this. What makes it even harder is when they're being bombarded with messages about Christmas from TV shows and school. It's not an easy task. I've heard all sorts from people I know, from 'it helps children adjust to the cultures of the country' to 'we need to fit in'. It's utter nonsense. Why can't I teach my children to be merry all the time? Why can't I put lights up in my house all year round and give them presents when I think they deserve a reward (and not when Santa says they've been good)? I just don't get it.

Aside from not wanting to be bullied into celebrating Christmas by anyone, I'm a firm believer that Christmas has become a time for retailers to increase sales from naive consumers. The advertising industry spends even more each year during Christmas, convincing us that spending our hard earned cash will make everything better. Walking around Westfield London this week I've seen almost all of the major retailers offering up to 50% off - the sales start early so that people can part with their cash as quickly as possible. The fact that stores are relying so heavily on Christmas sales speaks volumes. The department store Liberty for example expects 20% of it's annual sales from Christmas alone, while John Lewis has spent £7 million on it's hare and bear advert, expecting high returns. It's hard to fathom the amount retailers are spending on advertising, and we as consumers are spending considering how many man made and natural disasters we're currently living through. Between last Friday until Christmas Eve alone, consumers are expected to spend up to £12 billion. That's a lot of money on clothes and gifts that we wouldn't spend at any other time of the year.

So whether you're organising a feast for many with all the trimmings or simply relaxing in front of the box on your own, stay true to what you believe in. Most of all, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Happy Christmas to those of you who celebrate!

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Education should not be a postcode lottery

This week Sir Michael Wilshaw, Her Majesty's Chief Inspector of Education, Children's Services and Skills launched Ofsted's 2012/2013 annual report. He claimed that "much needed to be done to address the persistent variations in performance that disproportionately affect some children in particular parts of the country." Sir Michael stressed that many low achievers come from white, low-income families, and described the situation as "a tale of two nations."

In contrast to popular belief Sir Michael's report claims that the worst performing schools are in relatively affluent areas of England, such as Nottinghamshire, Norfolk, and West Berkshire. Inner city areas such as Tower Hamlets in London have improved, an area where schools have traditionally failed. So how can we tackle the issue of providing a better educational standard for all? Pockets of deprivation are more likely to be missed in affluent areas, precisely because the overall perception of an area is good. All schools come with a reputation, whether that's good or bad. If a school is traditionally known as outstanding then parents are more likely to want their children to attend that school. It's simple, schools with a good reputation attract better teachers, and the school as a whole tends to perform well. But schools in disadvantaged areas are more likely to be stuck in a vicious cycle of deprivation - no one wants to be in a place where housing is shabby and education is substandard and this is reflected in bad behaviour. It's a zero sum game.

Recent statistics published by OFSTED this week stated that out of around 21,000 schools in England only 20% were rated 'outstanding'. The battle for excellent schools in Britain is a fierce one, and with so few outstanding schools to choose from equal access to high quality education seems almost impossible. So why is there such a shortage of outstanding schools in England, and why is the admissions criteria for state primary schools based purely on distance from school? Is it fair that where you live determines how well your child does in life?

Earlier this year The Nationwide Building Society conducted a special study into whether Ofsted reports influence a parents' decision to buy a new home and how high performing primary schools add value to property prices. The research showed that nearly a quarter of parents living in the UK with children aged between 5 and 16 were willing to pay around 2 - 10% more for their new house if it meant that they would be in the catchment area of a better school. This means that for a house worth £206,552 the premium that parents are willing to pay is £34,425. Richard Napier, Divisional Director for Nationwide commented "Choosing the right school for your child is possibly one of the most important decisions a parent will make and it appears league tables and Ofsted reports play a significant part in that decision." It's a difficult calculation to make, especially in the current economic climate, where purse strings are already tightened and many people are struggling to make ends meet. The choice is a stark one, pay extra for a house in a good catchment area, or face up to the reality that your child will end up in a mediocre school. Education has become a postcode lottery, and soon enough many parents will lose the will to play the game.

The answer seems like a straight-forward one to state but difficult to achieve, what we need is a multifaceted approach. Better teachers are not the only solution. We need a fairer system to judge the credibility of schools, and to help improve poorer areas as a whole. We can't change one part of the system and expect everything else to change. We need to consider the aspirations of families living in some of the poorest parts of the country. The possibility of a fair and equal society can only take place if we face up to the fact that success will only come if we tackle all aspects of deprivation.

First appeared on The Huffington Post.

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Is work-related stress still a taboo?

Jonathon Trott's decision to leave the Ashes this week due to stress-related illness has come as a shock to many England fans, shrouded in an air of weakness as some commentators have suggested. Earlier this month Sir Hector Sants, former Head of the Financial Services Authority, and more recently Head of Barclays, also resigned after just a month's sick leave caused by stress. It is an issue that is of increasing concern, especially in a world where people are expected to work longer hours, with heavier workloads, for little increment in pay. But is it really the sign of a lesser human being to admit defeat at the hands of pressured working conditions or does it take courage to stand up to a truth that affects so many in Britain today?

According to the Labour Force Survey over 80% of working days lost in 2011/12 were due to work-related illnesses. Stress accounts for around 40% of all work-related illnesses. Stress at work is more likely to take place in large organisations (with over 250 employees) compared to a small business (employing less than 50 people.) The majority of reported cases were due to workload, including tight deadlines, too much work and pressure. According toTHOR gP (The Health and General Reporting Network in General Practice), a large number of diagnoses of work-related mental illness was anxiety and depression. The greatest factors contributing to work related mental ill-health were changes in the workplace and interpersonal relationships.

There are currently no findings on job type and seniority. We still don't know who is more likely to be affected, someone with managerial responsibilities or a more junior member of staff. Since the financial crisis of 2008 there has been an unprecedented upheaval in the workplace, with companies downsizing and expecting more from members of staff. Why however, are there more cases of work-related stress in larger organisations? Could it be that worker's rights are brushed under the carpet and ignored in order to boost profitability? Is adequate regard given to the health conditions of staff? The recent squeeze on human resources and expertise in most companies has meant that roles have been combined and people have ended up working on projects that may have in the past been shared amongst a team of two, or three.

What is interesting to note however is that since 2001 the number of reported stress-related illnesses in the work place has in fact gone down. But these are the number of cases that have been actively reported by members of staff. Could it be that with the lack of job security and ethical work environment workers are afraid to come forward with their concerns? Do longer working hours inhibit people from seeking medical help and therefore being included in the statistics of work-related stress? It is difficult to find answers when people are afraid to come forward from fear of stigma.

Trott's is the latest in a number of high profile cases where stress has been the cause of lost working days and I am sure it won't be the last. In a time where jobs are harder to come by, and working conditions are faltering, the future seems bleak. What we need instead is to understand that when the working day now takes up most of a person's waking hours the conditions need to be tolerable, if not pleasant. Stress at work needs to be given the same consideration as any other physical illness, and measures should be taken to overcome problems in the workplace. What high profile people such as Jonathan Trott and Sir Hector Sants highlight is that stress is no longer the taboo it once was. The curtain is lifting and people are talking. Employers need to recognise this and step up to the job. In fact, we all have a moral obligation to recognise the plight of the person sitting at the next desk.

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Amsterdam - A very family adventure!

If someone had told me years ago that visiting Amsterdam could make a great family holiday I wouldn’t have believed them. My perception of Amsterdam was a sleazy city with little to offer families. After becoming a mother some years ago the last place I’ve ever wanted to visit was Amsterdam. However a recent visit proved me wrong. It is for this reason that I felt compelled to share my take on on how friendly Amsterdam can be for parents with young children.

Here are just a few of the things you could do when visiting with your family:

Visit to Vondelpark

Vondelpark is a place of immense beauty, home to a gorgeous canal and numerous pathways leading to a number of quaint cafes. Vondelpark is sure to delight anyone yearning a spot of  countryside in the urban space. There are two main children’s cafes, The KinderKookeKafe, where children can have a go at cooking their own snacks, and the Vondeltuin, a cafe with a large play area and where you can hire some skates - although it is only open during the summer months, so be sure to check before you go.

Discover Miffy

Miffy (Nijntje) is an iconic little dutch character which many of you may have heard of before. Created by author Dick Bruna in 1955, Miffy is an inquisitive little bunny rabbit who has a lot of creativity and adventure. You can learn all about Miffy, read books, and try out (and buy!) lots of Miffy memorabilia at the official Miffy Store in Amstel. It makes a great afternoon out, especially since there is a lovely children’s cafe just opposite.

Take a ride on a bike

Cycling around is the thing to do in Amsterdam. Most of the tourist places such as museums, parks and restaurants are fairly close to one another and tram lines are dotted all over the city, but if you fancy something a little more carefree, then renting a bike is the thing for you. You can get all sorts for hire, from adult bikes to children-carrying bikes (called a cargo bike), most of which are in the Dutch-style: comfortable upright riding position, sloping handlebars and a nicely-cushioned seat. It’s a safe and speedy way to get about with bike lanes on virtually every street and definitely a lot of fun.

Go on a canal ride with the family

This is a fantastic way to see the city quickly, and without getting too tired on your feet, especially if you have young children. It’s probably better to go on a canal ride when it’s not raining, and you will be guaranteed a relaxed and peaceful sight-seeing experience.

Visit the Museums of Amsterdam

There are a number of well-known museums in Amsterdam, but the two I found to be the most interesting for children are the Rijksmuseum and The Tropenmuseum.

Housing an extensive collection of paintings and Dutch artefacts, the Rijksmuseum is not to be missed. It includes paintings from famous artists such as Van Gogh, Rembrandt, Vermeer and Jan Steen. There is ample space for younger children to have a run around and for older ones to have a little quiet time to learn, reflect and sketch. A terrace cafe inside the museum makes life a little easier, and everything is accessible via lifts - all completely buggy friendly.

The Tropenmuseum is one of the oldest museums in the country. It was first used to showcase the lands and possessions taken by the Dutch overseas, and was very much used as a ‘colonial display’ for residents living in these countries. It later came under ethnologists who widened the scope of the museum to appreciate the culture and diversity of colonised States and includes the history of the Dutch. The museum is unique in that it has a dedicated ‘Tropenjunior’ section which is currently exhibiting ‘MixMax Brasilica’ which we were lucky enough to take our kids to. The exhibition is an enchanting South America town brought to life in Amsterdam through the use of Brazilian artists’ work, from a mangrove forest made from old t-shirts, to a room made entirely out of disused plastic bottles, it aims to demonstrate the infinite number of possibilities of recycling. Children can also have a go at creating their own ‘earth-friendly’ bracelet or keepsake box, and for boys, there is always wood-work to be done. This is another highly accessible museum, complete with lifts, ramps, and levelled flooring for families with buggies - and baby changing facilities are on site by the cloakrooms, where you can stash away all those can’t-live-without childrens’ belongings in multi-coloured lockers.

Discovering Cafes

Amsterdam is full of delightful cafes. But there is a catch, many family-run cafes have cats. If you’re allergic, you’ll run a mile, but for most children this can be a pleasant little surprise. Cats used to be commonplace in restaurants in Amsterdam due to a high population of rats caused by the close vicinity to canals. However, cats in restaurants are supposed to have been banned - but you can still find a cat or two sitting gracefully in some of the smaller cafes and restaurant windows.

One cafe which my family and I loved is called @Seven. This place is a breath of fresh air for any parent. Located on Scheldestraat in Amstel, opposite the Miffy Shop, @Seven serves some of the most delicious breakfast, lunch and tea options, but that’s not the only thing - they also have an indoor and outdoor play area for children as well as a kids snack area just by the till. It’s definitely worth a visit if you’re in the area.

There are also a few lovely places to eat with the kids, one particular family-friendly one is calledCafe De Jaren, located near the University of Amsterdam on Nieuwe Doelenstraat, the restaurant works as both a cafe and a place for fine dining. It is incredibly accommodating to children and also has baby-changing facilities.

For those seeking a natural, organic alternative I would thoroughly recommend a vegan raw food cafe called The Alchemist Garden on Overtoom, 409. This is worth mentioning for families with dietary restrictions, such as dairy or wheat intolerances. The cafe is open pretty much all day and serves the most delicious hand-made wholesome food. The earthy decor and ambient music reflect the values of the cafe. The people who run it have backgrounds in sciences and love to experiment with food and this creativity flows into the types of dishes they serve. They also hold regular lectures on spirituality, consciousness and sustainability.

If you’re looking for a something a little more upmarket then dining doesn’t come finer than theBridges Restaurant in the Sofitel Legend Hotel. This is the grand daddy of family-friendly fine dining in Amsterdam. The service was quick and considerate. As soon as we arrived we asked the waiter for a glass of warm milk for our crying baby which was served almost immediately. They then asked us whether our toddler needed anything, and repeatedly checked on us, making us feel completely comfortable and looked after. The food was of course amazing, but what was more interesting was that a restaurant of such exquisite dining credentials would at the same time be so respectful and accommodating to a family with young children.

Amsterdam Schipol

It may sound strange but the airport in Amsterdam is one to see. For children it is probably the most well-thought-out airport that could ever exist. Perhaps it is the meeting of international minds in one small city that has conjured such imagination and consideration for small children, but it truly is unique in it’s design and ambition.

Once you have gone passed passport control, the children’s play are, The Kids Forest is located between Piers E and F, a metallic and wooden indoor structure, The Forest is a free play area for excited little feet, allowing children to let off steam before getting onto a long flight. Next to The Forest is a Baby Care Lounge, between Lounges 2 and 3, which includes a baby changing and bathing area, microwaves, baby sleeping cots, and comfortable sofas for parents, within confined and curtained pods. But most of all it is a serene environment which gives babies and their parents time to think and recuperate.

Amsterdam is a wonderfully interesting place. It has everything you could imagine from an international hub of minds and cultures, it is a pit stop for fun and creativity, of new experiences and impending adventures.

Worth a visit, at least once as a family!

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BBC Radio 4 - Woman's Hour, The Economics of Childcare (Part 3)

In the early hours of this morning I was contacted by Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour to take part in a discussion about the economics of childcare and my experience of how I juggle work with childcare arrangements. The word complicated seems to be an understatement when trying to describe exactly what I do and how I manage. My children are patient, their grandmother (my mother), even more so. I am one of the few lucky ones. But I know that it won’t last forever and I will have to think of an alternative sooner or later.

This is a question millions of parents ask themselves every day. What shall we do with the children? If you’re lucky enough to work for yourself you can devise a system where you can be flexible. But if you work for the ‘man’ as many of us do, what do you do? Do you rely on after school clubs? Full time day care settings? Extended families members? Or friends? It is a dilemma that we all face at some point or another. Follow the debate on Woman’s Hour this week, part of a series on 'The Economics of Childcare'.

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Finding a natural alternative to traditional medicine: Homeopathy - An Interview with Kiran Grover

As mothers we are always concerned about our children’s health, constantly on the look out for the best treatment for our little ones. Traditional medicine can have their benefits but for some this may be a tried and tested route, with little or no success. Natural alternatives have existed for years in many cultures and societies around the world, and we are now seeing all kinds of therapies available on our local high street as a healthy substitutes. One such alternative is homeopathic medicine

As someone who has been a staunch believer in homeopathy for many years I decided to take this route with both my children, from teething to night-waking, behavioural problems to allergies. Homeopathy seemed to be the one thing that has always worked for my family and me. It is for this reason that I decided to interview Kiran Grover from Healthy Homeopathy, a North West London based homeopath, and Director of the Society of Homeopaths.  In her interview Kiran tells us about her experience of working as a homeopath and how it could be a worthwhile alternative for all of us.

Hi Kiran, tell us a bit about yourself, your background?

I am born and brought up just outside of London and I worked in Whitehall for several years as a policy adviser. I have two young children and as well as running a busy clinic in north west London, I am a Director for the Society of Homeopaths, a Trustee of Foresight and the Chairman of a School PTA!

Was homeopathy your first line of study?

Far from it! I first studied History of Art and Archaeology at SOAS, London University, as I have a great love of Indian art. I then went on to work as a civil servant for a few years and then decided to study homeopathy.

Who or what inspired you to take up homeopathy?

Many years ago my grandfather was diagnosed with appendicitis, so as a practicing homeopath he treated it successfully himself. He practiced in New Delhi philanthropically, helping the sick and poor for free. My grandfather was recognised for his good work and received an OBI (Order of British India). After that my great uncle and mother followed in his footsteps, and so when I was born homeopathy was second nature to me.

There are many myths that surround homeopathy, how would you dispel any concern parents have?

Homeopathy has been around for over two hundred years and is a complete form of medicine, it is safe, natural and free from side effects. It can be used alongside anything prescribed by the GP - in fact I often treat patients who have been referred to me by their GP with conditions they are unable to treat. Homeopathy can be simple and it is a great way for people to be in control of their own health.  There are remedies that you can buy at most chemists for common complaints like coughs, colds and tummy aches. BuT for more chronic issues, like hay fever, skin complaints, stress etc then it is important to contact a registered and qualified Homeopath.

What makes homeopathy different to other alternatives out there such as Bach flower remedies?

Bach flower remedies are an off shoot of Homeopathy and things like Rescue Remedy can complement Homeopathic treatment well.

In your opinion, what is the best thing about homeopathic medicine?

The best thing about Homeopathy is that it addresses the underlying causes of the patient’s symptoms and moves them towards better health and vitality. Homeopathy has long been used in countries such as France and Switzerland and can be safely used alongside traditional medicine making it an attractive option for those seeking a natural alternative.

Homeopathy doesn’t come cheap. How can homeopathic treatment be more accessible to all types of families, especially in the current economic climate?

At my clinic as well as having child and adult consultations we have family consultations too, which help saves money and we also have a low cost clinic which my students run under my supervision.  In some cases homeopathy can also be available on the NHS by referral through your GP, although there may be a long waiting list. 

It was lovely to talk to you Kiran, thank you for taking part in this interview.

If you’d like more information about homeopathy you can contact Kiran Grover at:www.healthyhomeopathy.co.uk

Or to find your nearest homeopath visit: www.homeopathy-soh.org

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Money, money, money - It's an informed kids' world

Last week I was listening to a programme on the radio about teaching school children the importance of money. The debate came after the Government’s announcement earlier this year to include personal finance into the national curriculum for secondary school children. The panel on last week’s programme discussed the pros and cons of teaching the value of money in primary schools. I listened carefully to their debate and it made me wonder whether or not I’d want to teach my child the importance of material things at such an early age. The truth of the fact is that no matter how much we try to shy away from the rather crude reality of money and it’s importance, money is a big player in our lives, and learning about it at such a young age might not be such a bad thing. What I wanted to know is how can a young childs’ buying behaviour at primary school age determine what they’ll eventually become as adults.  I for one want my daughter to know the worth of how hard her parents work to put food on her plate, and be able to appreciate the finer things in life without, as so many children do, taking it for granted.

So, to test out whether children ought to be taught the monetary value of things I decided to take my three year old daughter and my nephews (four, seven, and nine years old) on a little ‘shopping trip’ this weekend.

Our first stop was a rather high end children’s boutique, where naturally the children’s eyes lit up, they ran from one end of the shop to the other, happily choosing their favourite item to purchase. My three-year old daughter came running up to me with a magic wand and requested I buy it for her. My four year old nephew had bigger plans, “well, I don’t have a bike, maybe we can get this one?” he said, puppy dog eyes looking at me pleadingly (by the way, he has about three bikes at home, in various colours and sizes.) For my nine year old nephew, a rather sophisticated novel was on the horizon. As for the seven year old, he just kept wandering around, looking at things, putting them back down again, playing a little, and then starting the whole process over again - this guy wanted to be more cautious in his approach. The price tags on all these ‘little’ items were rather dear to say the least, so I smiled at them all and gave them a firm “no.” Obviously, the whinging and crying started, and it took all sorts of convincing arguments to finally get them out of the shop.

Our next stop was a seemingly more affordable setting. A well-known children’s toy shop. I reached out into my bag and explained to them the process of what was about to happen, they would be given one pound an they would have to spend it wisely. Now the two little ones, the three and four year old went about looking at all the numbers on each of the toys trying to figure out where the “£1” sign was. Although no matter how many times I showed them they still couldn’t really grasp the concept. Once again my four year old nephew chose a bike, then a guitar, and then a ball pit. He didn’t really seem to know what “£1” meant. My daughter on the other hand chanced it at every opportunity “if you give me two more pounds, then I can get this!” she squealed excitedly holding a £3 baby’s milk bottle in her hand. My two older nephews on the other hand wandered around the shop, playing with all the toys, whilst moaning miserably about the lack of spending money they had. We slowly realised that our one pounds would not get us very far in this shop. Once again, we got our things and made a swift exit.

Convincing the children to leave the shop was not hard, especially since a more humble toy shop was ready to welcome us just next door. This shop had it all. Large £1 signs, bargain offers, pretty banners everywhere, and discounts galore. I knew they would all find something in this shop. Now this is where it got interesting. As soon as we entered, my three year old and her nine year old cousin ran up to the bargain basement and chose the first thing they saw for a pound. A bubble wand for the three year old, and a pack of water balloons for my nephew. They didn’t even look around further. They were so tired of looking around for something that cost a pound and realised that it wouldn’t take them very far that they chose the first thing they set their eyes on. They were just glad to have  found something. Grateful, they queued up to pay for their goods.

My opportunist little four year old nephew searched around again, unaware of the one pound sign, trying to convince me to buy him something a little more ‘worth’ the money in his pocket. I refuse and explain the concept to him again. Finally we came across the ‘children’s pocket money treat’ zone. This is where his eyes lit up and he happily picked up two kinder eggs for the price of one. This kid couldn’t believe his luck. Not only did he wait it out, but in the end he got two things!

My last protege, my seven year old nephew continued his search, mulling over various objects, calculating the cost of things in his mind. This kid wanted to wait it out. “Time’s up!” I called out. The clock was ticking and we’d already spent two hours in search of something for one pound. He quickly grabbed something and walked to the till. When he got to the cashier he didn’t look too pleased. He wasn’t very happy with his choice but decided to go along with it because time was running out. The cashier noticed his unhappy face and asked him if he’d like to see some more goods from the store cupboard. My nephew’s eyes lit up and he followed the cashier to a different part of the store. He came back delighted. A pack of animated cards. Hooray! He finally found something. My seven year old nephew was the most cautious of them all. Waiting it out, hoping something better would come along to stretch his money as far as it would go.

As we were about to leave my nine year old nephew spots a discount ‘piggy bank card’. Get one today and the store will automatically put £1 in there for you. All you have to do is save your money with them. He’s got it. It’s the first rule of banking and he wanted to play the game because in the long run it’d help him next time we visited the shop. He took two, one for himself and one for his brother.

The test was an eye opener. What it revealed about my four little guinea pigs was that the value of money can and should be taught at an early age. They all realised that ‘mummy’ or ‘auntie’ won’t buy everything they want, and most importantly it taught them that although money might be hard to earn, it’s equally difficult to spend.

A great challenge for all kids and parents, have a go! You might even discover a side of your child you never knew they had.

[shumailladar-blog]

The beginnings of Islamic architecture in Cairo

I’ve been meaning to write something on Islamic art and architecture for a while now. A couple of weeks ago I wrote that I would be sharing what I learn on my blog. The problem with this is that firstly I have very little time to squeeze in my reading, with two beautiful but demanding children, and secondly once I’ve managed to do my reading there is so much I want to say that I really don’t know where to begin. But a couple of nights ago I started writing again and this time I’ve decided to share.

The thing to remember about the study of art is that the language used can often be quite technical, and unless you are familiar with the terminology you will forever be misunderstanding the text or googling your way through my post. So I’ve tried to keep what I’m saying as simple and ‘non jargonistic’ as possible. This may, for those of you who are more in tune with the intellect of art history, at times oversimplify traditions and techniques. I do however welcome comments (look above) and you can always pop me a line - I’m a student so I’m open to discussion.

I’ve been wondering where to begin my journey and a great place to start, in my opinion, would be to visualise the period we are looking at. This timeline is a fantastic way to get an idea of the great Islamic empire and how vast it was.

Chronology of Islamic Art (click on this link for a detailed version of the chronology, highly recommended to get an idea of the different empires.)

The ‘Gates of Cairo’

This week I want to share with you the history of one of the Islamic world’s most influential dynasties, the Fatimids. I begin here not because of any chronological link but because it seems a suitable place to introduce some of the architectural structures we’ll be seeing along the way and how far the Muslims took structures and ideas from previous civilisations to make their own mark in art history as well as the astrological influence on Islamic art. We will also note how important art and architecture were used as tools to propagate the message of leadership, caliphate, religion, and most notably, dominance.

The city of Cairo was first established by the Fatimid dynasty in 969AD. Under the Shia’ branch of Islam, the Fatimids wanted to establish a capital for themselves having traveled from and conquering Ifriqiyah (which is the area of modern day Libya, Tunisia, and Algeria.) The Fatimids settled in Fustat, as Cairo was previously called, and made it the centre of their rule, they built a wall around the city to prevent attacks from invaders, which were built from brick and had several gates on each side. These magnificent gates were further developed in 1092 when Badr al-Jamali, a visir under the Fatimid Caliph al-Muntasir, built a second wall around the city and in effect fortified it.

This second wall was built from stone and some of the stones were taken from Pharaonic temples. Much of these pharaonic inscriptions and motifs are still visible on the gates. The new fortress had a number of gates called ‘Babs’ (meaning ‘door’ or ‘gate’ in Arabic) and today only three of these gates exists, Bab al-Futuh, Bab al-Nasr, and Bab al-Zuwayla. We will be looking at the construction of these gates.

As the purpose of the fortress was the prevent attack from outsiders the walls of Cairo were built on three levels; firstly the street level, with the entrances being slightly elevated and being reached by ramps. The second level contained galleries and rooms and the third level is a terrace, which could have been a viewing point. The stonework on the gates is unparalleled anywhere in Cairo and the gates are heavily inscripted in Shia verses in Kufic script and references to ‘Ali. There are some Byzantine elements in the architecture of Bab al Nasr, such as the swords and shields, these signify the fortification of the city, images of protection, which were popular in Christian artistic culture before Islam.

Bab al-Nasr

Bab al-Futuh

The names Bab al-Nasr (gate of victory), Bab al-Futuh (gate of conquest) are seen to be talismanic with the purpose of protecting the city and therefore the significance of imagery, and using the right symbols to portray and display military might was important. Interestingly enough these walls were never invaded or challenged. The towers of Bab al-Nasr are rectangular made of solid stone up to the second level whereas the towers of Bab al-Futuh are semi circular and greatly different in decor. The inner flanks of the towers have round arches with cushion voussoirs (a large semi circle, arch like structure), these echo Byzantine architecture, for example, you may see this type of ‘arch’ on the portal or entrance of a church. Unfortunately I can’t seem to find any pictures of the inner part of these wonderfully majestic towers, which is why you really have to try and visualise what this grand inner structure must have looked like in detail. Here’s an image of a voussoir to illustrate what I mean (although you can roughly see it in the pictures):

On top of this arch are carved brackets on either side, as well as bearing the traditional and popular islamic eight pointed star, two of the carved brackets bear a rams head. What is interesting to note is that the ram is the zodiac sign related to the planet mars, al-Qahira (the Arabic for ‘Cairo’), and it is not coincidental that as the city was founded during the ascendancy of this sign, the ram’s head appears on the carved bracket of one of the gates. The rams head has a talismanic meaning in Egyptian culture, signifying authority and importance. As you can see the towers are covered with shallow domes, and something is needed to hold up these large domes. These domes are formed by pendentives - simply put, this type of architectural tool allows a circular structure to rest on a square room. Pendentives were mainly used in Byzantine dome architecture and can be seen in many renaissance and baroque churches. Their purpose, in a square structure or base, is to take the weight of the dome. One very famous place you’ll be able to see such a structure is in the Hagia Sophia in Istanbul, Turkey, which is highly decorative and elaborate.

The final gate is the Bab al-Zuwayla and it was the last gate to be built. It is named after a Fatimid soldier who was originally from the North African, Berber tribe, Zuwayla. The gate consists of two semi circular towers made of solid stone. Most of the inscriptions on the towers are the only Islamic part of the design whereas most of the architecture is foreign to Islamic art. The gate was a site often used for great Mamluk ceremonial processions during their reign, and was later used for executions.

Bab al-Zuwayla

By simply taking a short journey into the past and looking at the three gates of Cairo we can already see how how much Christian art and architecture has influenced Islamic art and how the Muslims have so creatively adapted Byzantine design in both religious and secular buildings.

[shumailladar-blog]

A world where every call brings misery

These days I am becoming increasingly afraid of my phone. It seem every week I receive some bad news about a shocking incident or another. Each time I think ‘there can’t be anything worse than this’ something even more tragic happens. Life is really changing around me. It isn’t the same as it used to be when I was growing up and the nature of death, sadly, is becoming more and more devastating and unimaginably grotesque.

This week I learned of a distant relative going through one of the most disturbing and tragic incidents I have ever come to know. As a parent I am constantly fearful of my children’s health and safety. Not a moment goes by during my day when I am not concerned about the welfare of my children. To lose your baby, and that too at the hands of someone who you thought you could trust is something I cannot comprehend. The pain, the suffering, the shock. It is something I hope and pray no parent goes through. But these days it seems that death is becoming ever more violent and alarming. Little babies and children who dress themselves for a lovely day at school walk into a caring environment expecting nothing but happiness and fun. Their curious little minds were built for learning and joy. Babies who are left in their care of nannies, au pairs and childminders don’t ever leave their parents without a struggle. Every parent I have spoken to who has left their child with a nanny (so that they could work, mainly) has told me how utterly difficult it is and how emotionally upset they feel at having to impose separation on their child at such a young age. Parents leave their most prized possession in the trust of someone else. A baby goes to this person hoping for love, expecting nothing but care. They don’t go to be abused, hurt, upset, or worse, brutally murdered.

What is happening to the world? There is something seriously wrong with the world we live in when it’s not burglars and car thieves, bank robbers and terrorists that we need to be afraid of, but the people we are voluntarily asking to help look after our family and paying them to do so. Are people becoming so deranged that even the crying of a year old baby is enough to tick them off, sending them into fury and an abusive killing spree?

Truth be told my phone is simply the messenger through which this bad news seems to trickle into my life every week, making me wonder how long I have got, or worse, for how long my children are with me. I am under no illusion that life will always be the same, my family will remain happy forever. I try to be realistic and prepare my mind for the worst to come, but no amount of preparation of realistic mind can ever prepare you for the shock of losing a child. Unfortunately the sorry nature of the world these days means that some of us will have to. God forbid any of you ever have to go through anything remotely like this.

Pray for those around you and those who aren’t for we are completely bound by our fate, living in a bizarre world where war zones are protected and the innocent are left unprotected.

Rest in peace little souls who have departed. You are in a sanctuary now where no one can hurt you.

[shumailladar-blog]

When I first enrolled onto my course in World Art and Artefacts one of the most common reactions I got was people wondering whether I was doing it to enhance my career. My career path has no shred of artistic appreciation so to suggest such a thing is almost absurd. Another question people ask (my cousin asked me this earlier this evening, actually) is whether I am attempting a career change. It seems most people I have encountered associate learning with career progression. Maybe it is for some, but not for me. I still haven’t decided if I’m going to one day take a giant leap and start off fresh, but presently the thought off jumping off into the ‘creative unknown’ to pursue a career change certainly isn’t on my mind. At the moment my ambition is that of a student and nothing more.

As a child I have always been surrounded by artists; brought up with a sibling who has nurtured her intellect and ambition in the very substance of artistic impression, and by extended family members who either choose to paint, draw, shoot, or even write. In my family I was the child who wrote. From an early age, perhaps six or seven, I kept a diary. It wasn’t unnatural for me to chronicle my life and all that surrounded me. This habit, to me, was both interesting and therapeutic whilst growing up. I’m not quite sure what I was thinking when I first started my somewhat childish interviews of friends and family, all I knew was that I was interested in learning about people, their lives and the environment that surrounds them.

Leaning about society can tell you so much about personal relationships, the impact they have on the world around us and the changing face of our society. My eagerness to learn about the expression of art, through both practical craftsmanship and the history of art stems from a deeper yearning to learn about the world. For me the journey to understand the history of the world begins with one of the most beautiful ways you could, through the medium of art.

In some of my next few blog posts I want to invite you on this journey with me. Currently the subject is Middle Eastern art history, also known as Islamic art history. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

[shumailladar-blog]

Parents as first teachers and supplemental teaching at home

About a year ago I met a lovely little (then three year old) girl called Anna*.  This girl, in my opinion, was no ordinary young girl.  Her favourite book was a children’s popular classic and at the age of three she was able to memorise the entire book.  Over tea, her parents asked her to ‘do her performance’ of the book.  It was amazing.  Anna ‘read’ the book for us; she pointed to every illustration and turned the pages at the correct point.  Anna was using her memory to assist her narration of the book in a way that I’d never seen a three year old do before.  I was genuinely shocked at how many complicated words little Anna was able to memorise and narrate.  There was no doubt in my mind that Anna had a gift.  I told her parents what I thought and that they should help Anna explore this talent for the better and help her learn more information quickly to get a head start.  My suggestion was to move straight to the alphabets and words.  I knew Anna would do well.  A few months ago I revisited Anna and her parents.  Anna is four, going on five.  Anna cannot read.  When I asked her parents why Anna cannot read their answer was simple; “we do not want her to know too much information or she will become bored at school.” Anna’s parents were purposefully dumbing Anna down.  I was shocked.  A bright and gifted little girl was being drawn back so that the rest of the population could catch up with her.  It was a shame that Anna’s parents, who themselves are highly intelligent, felt this was the only way to curb Anna’s enthusiasm and gift for learning, but it is a story that resonates in many households and many people find it bizarre if a child ‘below the average age’ can read.  This shocks me.  Not only because it is now manipulating the way we think, but also because it goes against our natural tendencies as human beings to learn.

The problem of overcrowding in state schools and lack of attention given to individual pupils who perform well has always bothered me.  If, as a parent, you are earning enough to afford a public school education for your child, then great, but what if you cannot?  Do you adhere to the system’s standardised nurturing programme of literacy and numeracy or do you take matters into your own hands and homeschool?  The answer is not as straight-forward as we’d like to believe.  A while ago I was involved in the setting up of Children’s Centres across England, these were seen as community hubs for parents and children under five - from antenatal and postnatal classes, to their inventive ‘Parents as First Teachers’ programme.  Children’s Centres were the previous government’s pledge to educate from birth and focus on the early years.  I visited several Children’s Centres whilst working on the programme and I felt proud that we were working on such a brilliant policy.  However, when I later had my baby, left work and started using the centres I saw the reality of the situation.  The ‘Parents and First Teachers’ programmes that I attended with my daughter were highly informative, but they were not something I could not have done at home.  All it took was a little confidence in myself and the recognition that I did not need the government to tell me that I was responsible for my child’s learning.  I should have already known it.  I did after all give birth to her.  Although this was a great initiative, the ‘system’ had become so ingrained inside me that I’d forgotten that I already was a first teacher - I didn’t need a certificate to tell me that I was.  

I have always been drawn to teaching methodologies and thinking of new ways to learn.  Needless to say I was never the conventional learner, nor am I prepared to let my child learn rote fashion in any state or public school.  In my opinion there must be plenty of creative ways to help children achieve more by teaching them the techniques to learn in a skillful way.  A few years ago I was introduced to a book called ‘The Well Trained Mind - A Guide to Classical Education at Home’ by a homeschooling friend.  The book follows a pattern of learning based on the ‘trivium’ methodology, which means ‘three roads’. The trivium system of learning uses grammar, logic and reasoning to learn all subjects in the curriculum.  The great thing about this form of education is that we tend to use this method of understanding, reasoning and conversation in every day life, whether we realise it or not.  Many grammar schools still use this way of teaching, which is why the race for grammar school entry is so ferocious, but there is no reason why parents cannot teach these learning principles at home.  Many parents believe they do not have the time or knowledge to teach their children, but the great thing about this form of learning, is that you do not need to be an expert in any subject, nor do you need to have a qualification in teaching to help your child.  The emphasis of teaching is on learning methodolody - teaching your child howto learn - not what to learn.  Although the basic curriculum is set out for the child, the child is responsible for researching the subject, writing about it and then explaining what they have learnt.  The Well Trained Mind contains an entire curriculum from preschool up to twelfth grade (which we in the UK know as sixth form) in preparation for university.  Here is an excerpt from Chapter 4 - Unlocking the Doors: The Preschool Years,

“Turn off the television—half an hour per day is plenty for any child under five. Talk, talk, talk—adult talk, not baby talk. Talk to her while you’re walking in the park, while you’re riding in the car, while you’re fixing din­ner. Tell her what you’re doing while you’re doing it. (“Now I’m going to send a fax. I put the paper in face down and punch in the telephone num­ber of the fax machine I’m calling … and then the paper starts to feed through like this.” “I spilled flour on the floor. I’m going to get out the vac­uum cleaner and plug it in. I think I’ll use this brush—it’s the furniture brush, but the flour’s down in the cracks, so it should work better than the floor brush.”) This sort of constant chatter lays a verbal foundation in your child’s mind. She’s learning that words are used to plan, to think, to explain; she’s figuring out how the English language organizes words into phrases, clauses, and complete sentences. We have found that children from silent families (“We never really talk much during the day,” one mother told us) struggle to read.

Read, read, read. Start reading chunky books to your baby in her crib. Give her sturdy books that she can look at alone. (A torn book or two is a small price to pay for literacy.) Read picture books, pointing at the words with your finger. Read the same books over and over; repetition builds lit­eracy (even as it slowly drives you insane). Read longer books without pic­tures while she sits on your lap or plays on the floor or cuts and pastes and colors. Read books onto tapes, along with the child’s comments, so that she can listen to you read over and over again. Get an infant-­proof tape recorder so that she can listen to you reading, singing, talking, telling stories, and reciting poems while she plays in her crib.

After you read to your toddler, ask her questions about the story. What did the gingerbread boy do when the old woman tried to eat him? When the dogs got to the top of the tree at the end of Go, Dog, Go, what did they find? What happened after Bananas Gorilla stole all the bananas?

…

Prereading preparation works. Susan was reading on a fifth­-grade level in kindergarten. Her son Christopher was checking out fourth­- and fifth­-grade books halfway through his first year of school at home. We’ve seen these results duplicated by other home schoolers. If you create a language­ rich home, limit TV and videos, and then teach systematic phonics, you will produce readers.”

We’ve all heard that children’s minds are like sponges; they soak up all sorts of information that is placed in front of them.  Why then do we not insist on only exposing them to knowledge that will nourish them and nurture them in the future? The answer is not time but effort.  I do not claim to have all the answers, and I am sure I will get to that ‘hair-pulling-out’ stage most parents go through, but by keeping a chronicle of my experiences I hope to share some of the resources and techniques we have been using.

If we want our children to do well we need to wise up.  The system, any system will not teach our children everything they need to know - we will.  A public school education or homeschooling are not the answer to all our problems.  There are benefits and disadvantages to both systems.  We all know the problems of the apparent ‘demon state school’ but our children’s education does not need to start and end with the school teacher.  Regardless of which school our child attends, a form of supplemental learning and teaching should and must take place if we want our children to excel in the best possible way they can.  I know many parents whose children study at state schools and still need additional tuition in the three core subjects, as well as extra curricular activities and after school clubs, and I also know many children who attend public schools whose calendars are full of after school classes and activities.  The difference between them is quality of education within the classroom - smaller class sizes means more attention, fewer children means fewer distractions.  A plethora of resources exist on the internet and in our libraries, frankly we do not even need to leave our homes if we want to learn something new or find out some information, so why do we not use it?  It is up to us to help our child where and how we can - This does not include conformity or willful negligence (or unintentional, well-meaning negligence for that fact!) It is every child’s birth right to get the best possible education, and education, in my opinion, is not restricted to the classroom. 

*Name has been changed for the purposes of this article.

[shumailladar-blog]

While the cat's away the mice will find a new-found respect for single parent families!

This weekend has got to have been one of the most tiring weekends of my life.  While my other half went away for the weekend I was left alone with our (near) three year old daughter and three month old baby boy.  And it was hard.  Hard, hard, hard.  To tell the truth I only had to spend one night on my own without anyone (which, by the way wasn’t terribly difficult) and I did have adult company around me most of the time, but I honestly haven’t a clue how single parents do it all by themselves.  I had already planned quite a few ‘fun’ activities; slumber party with the cousins, movie night, golfing, spending time with the grandparents, etc., but it just wasn’t the same without their Dad.  I don’t think it ever is the same when one parent is missing.

Today I had a family friend of the in-laws come over for tea / late lunch, and her lifestyle was a bit of an eye-opener for me.  Single parent, one daughter, working all hours, totally dependent on childminders, and barely any family members to ask for support.  Her daughter was totally reliant on her and expected (quite rightly so) her mother’s undivided devotion.  Consumed by guilt that the absence of a father or male role model may lead to an inadequately adjusted young girl, this family friend had perhaps over-compensated her love towards her daughter (if there ever were such a thing as to overcompensate a parent’s love towards their child); the little girl was attached to the extent of burdensome.  It suddenly dawned upon me how naive and cocooned I have been for such a long time.  Life is so unimaginably difficult for so many families out there and yet somehow, even with family surrounding me completely I can sometimes become so restricted in my view that I can’t see beyond my own little world to realise how utterly insignificant and trivial my so-called ‘problems’ can be.  I felt bad for her, and yet in a way I felt very grateful that I still have so many people I can talk to and rely on.  People who love me and my children very much and who I can trust to help out as often as I like. 

I have suddenly have a new found respect for all lone parent families.  I salute you all.  What you bring to society is immeasurable, and I truly hope that your children take care of you in the same way you have looked after them.

[shumailladar-blog]

Felcia Boots - A sorry tale for all mothers

This morning 34 year old Canadian born Felicia Boots accused of killing her ten week old son and fourteen month old daughter will appear via videolink at The Old Bailey.  The story of Felicia has haunted me no end, not least because I can’t stop thinking about how a well to do, successful young mother could have allegedly killed her own babies.

I can’t help but see a part of Felicia in myself, or any other mother for that fact; drawing similarities between her ordinary, middle class lifestyle with that of many others in almost the same situation - educated and qualified, talented thirty-something-year-olds whose lifestyle has taken a sudden turn from the usual fast-paced life of the city, to housewife and mother. These women are perfectionists, they do not know failure.

What perplexes me is how this Wandsworth-based mother ended up at a place of no return, all because she had no-one to confide in and no place to release her pent up frustration. Mothers tend to forget their time, and it is amazing that although women go through so much pain during childbirth the second the baby is born our minds somehow block the pain, and as happy hormones flood our system, we hold our babies in our arms and forget all the hard work and anguish we felt just minutes ago. Indeed, newborns come into our lives like tiny bundles of joy, but they also bring with them all sorts of frustrating problems, breastfeeding, colic, cradle cap, to name but a few. That along with an inquisitive toddler, the most depressing weather we have seen for years, a husband who probably didn’t get much more than two weeks paternity leave from his grueling city job, and moving house with a newborn; Felicia’s situation seems like a recipe for disaster.

As the mother of a newborn who is probably the same age as her newborn son, Mason, I can completely understand the physical exhaustion and mental turmoil Felicia must have felt. I am not condoning what she did, but I am saying that one could empathise with her situation. I remember when my eldest daughter was fourteen months, those were great times, but we also went through weaning, teething, teaching our baby how to walk and how to speak, and basically her getting up to all sorts of mischief! It was hard work. I can’t begin to imagine what I would have done if I had a young baby who was completely reliant on me during that time.

I have read numerous articles and been on chat rooms where people have demonised this woman in a very crude way. my question is why are women so afraid to talk about postnatal depression and postnatal psychosis? You’d think that in this day and age it would be easy to talk about such issues with mothers, but from personal experience I can certainly say that other mothers can actually be your worst enemies, making you feel worse than you did before you even brought up the subject. You feel ashamed; you feel guilty. It is saddening to think that Felicia felt such abandonment and despair in a split second that it provoked her to attack her own children and then attempt to take her own life.

Most women will go through the baby blues at some point or another, it might be mild, lasting only a few days, or it could linger on for weeks, months, or even a few years. The important thing is to recognise it and to say yes, it does exist. Postnatal depression is not our enemy, it is a part of us, we are human and we have to deal with it - as a community. What can we do to stop something like this happening again? We must not blame our ‘services’ for allowing this to slip through the net. Of course it is easy to slip through the system; social services cannot be blamed for everything - especially if the couple had recently moved home and were between GPs. What we must instead do is create an environment that is conducive to new and second, or third time mothers; encouraging each other to be open and talk. We have a duty as fellow mothers, sisters, daughters, friends to be there for those who have just been through the joy and ordeal of having given birth - by reaching out and listening.

There are a number of support groups and organisations in the UK who deal with women suffering from postnatal depression and psychosis. Please contact someone if you need to talk.

MIND - www.mind.org.uk

Post Natal Illness - www.pni.org.uk

The Association for Postnatal Illness - www.apni.org

My thoughts and prayers go to all the people involved in this tragic ordeal, but especially the two survivors who will forever be haunted; Felicia and Jeffery Boots. RIP Lily and Mason xx

**UPDATE 12:00pm**

Following a short hearing this morning, Felicia Boots will be sectioned under the Mental Health Act later today and transferred from Holloway Prison to a psychiatric hospital. She will be remanded until her next hearing on 10 August 2012