she is the light ;

Some people are just born with tragedy in their blood. Shay Tully Indie OC 

[shxyme]

shay tully - an indie self based witch shifter oc with many verses in different fandoms. written by zep/shay, she/they, 28, EST. willing to write in any fandom. private and selective. must be 18+ to follow. do not follow if not comfortable to mature themes as well. please read rules before following.

this blog is a study in: the smell of old books. hot chocolate on cold mornings. moments of feeling like you’ve been in the exact same situation before. wondering what you did to never get your fathers love. 

blog roll: @guntrophy​ @sisinclair​ @balltruster​ @pcclstuck​

                                        xx  carrd  xx  headcanons  xx  musings  xx  visage  xx 

[stabhost-deactivated20260510]

❝  when i'm good i'm very good, but when i'm bad i'm better.  ❞

good girls, bad girls, makes no difference to him. he likes any girl. long as she has a PULSE and a warm mouth. he knows he can't afford to be picky. he's a greasy loser, even though he tries to be anything else. he smiles, DEVILISH, 'cause he can act bad too. maybe he wants in on whatever she's up to. "what kinda bad things do you do?" he asks. "can't imagine it's much more than, what, shoplifting from the mall?" he leans forward, ready to listen. prove me wrong, his curled lips say.

[shxyme]

of course he didn't think she was capable, and that's exactly how she'd been taught to seem. it would blow her and millers perfect disguise here. she was supposed to be the only living member of her immediate family who had survived some croak of shit traumatic car accident. miller said it'd make people feel bad for her, and if they started pushing just pretend to cry. easy enough. miller was pretending to be her godfather, her fathers best man at his wedding. they'd been friends for years and he'd taken on such the hard responsibility of caring for her. all of it was bologne.

but no one here knew that. and no one here knew they were just lingering for intel. someone wanted SOMEONE dead. and that was the job. shay never asked too many questions. and she never went by shay either. here, in this town, they called her charlotte. or lottie for short. miller thought a cute little nickname would keep the sweet innocent traumatized girl theme going. she'd said what she did in a teasing manner, in a way to see if maybe he'd look through the outer appearances. but then she remembered, people are only people. not everyone got trained from the age of thirteen by a ex military sniper. this is the guy who runs a film club and thinks he's actually a critic people listen to.

" i bet shoplifting is even a little TOO hardcore for you. " she should have let him have his comment. she should have blinked up at him with her brown doe eyes and confessed she'd never even shop lifted. which, wouldn't be a lie. miller made enough from his hits to buy what they needed. but maybe, just maybe she could skirt around the edges and get away with making him rethink the new girl.

[shxyme]

am i giving shay a verse set in the pitt where shes a psychologist? oh absolutely

[shxyme]

like this for me to send u meme's! trying to get back here and writing <3

[shxyme]

hey guys, i want to make a very personal post on why i've been gone. tw parental death under the cut

in febuary, my mom had a massive stroke. this made her ineligible for a liver transplant. which means, that slowly, over a few weeks, she got to the point where she had to come home on hospice. within three days of coming home, she passed away peacefully. but this has thrown me into a whirlwind. my dad passed three years ago and neither of my parents had wills. which means i wasn't left anything directly. i was also my moms caregiver full time for two years. so i didnt have a job when my mom passed, and the mobile home we've lived in that was in my dads name (now in his estate) is falling down around me. i'm barely getting by with my grief, and also with financial problems, and getting a job fast enough. then ill have to find somewhere to move, rehome some of the cats that my parents had (which is horribly hard for me, i love all of them) and try to start a life now that i have no one else to take care of.

i'm going to try to be on sometimes, but please just be patient with me, thank you all.

[whatichose-deactivated20260427]

Edward bites back a laugh that threatens to ripple past his lips. The curse of living a thousand lives means he's well-versed in any and every subject. He shrugs, taking a quiet moment to consider her offer. "I'm not very good at history," he offers with a lazy shrug. It's funny to him, and he makes an honest effort to mask his amusement. There's a vague sense of Shay's underlying instability with asking for help. Edward burns to know what exactly provokes such a habit. It's a mirrored image of his own shortcomings. Far too stubborn to be bothered to ask for a hand. He'd suffer in silence before choking out a plea. "Nope. Not many at all," he laughs. He's learned to ignore the pointed stares and suffocating curiosity. He's blocked it out. No sense in sifting through thoughts he's heard a thousand times before.

"I was figuring somewhere down south. I never spent much time around those parts. I'm not a huge fan of the heat. Or the sun," he says with a shrug. It's not a lie, is it? "Did you like it there?" He asks, genuinely curious. He's consumed by his own curiosity about her. It's not as simple with anyone else. He couldn't quite sift through her thoughts and collect fragments of her to deduce any information of value. "Why did you move?" He adds the question. He grows aware of how pressing he may come off to her. He laughs, his head shaking. "Sorry. I guess I am no better than everybody else with all of these questions."

Edward is content with the fact that he hasn't been bothered to open up to many people about his past. He's not sure if he could suffer through explaining himself a thousand times over. Conversation was always kept minimal, with very little being let on about him. "No, I've moved around a bit," he offers. It's best to keep it as simple as he can for the sake of keeping up with the lies. He laughs at her words, but is quick to reel it in. "People have a sort of peculiar interest in me. Your guess is as good as mine as to why," he offers with a shrug. He gives her a pointed look, a smirk curled at the ends of his lips. "No, I'm not in the business of cannibalism, actually."

[shxyme]

"Great, history actually is a subject I'm very good at ", she says to him as she watches his face. Flashes of history books she'd read, highlights of her favorites in her mind. But she has a sneaking feeling perhaps he's only being kind to her. Maybe to ask more questions, or maybe simply because shes new. " I enjoy it in a way. There's hardly any spring or fall, you get two weeks of each if you're lucky. The summers are suffocating. But there's nothing like a cold glass of sun tea when you've almost died of heat exhaustion. " There's a pull to the corner of her lips that show a real smile. Her thoughts full of what is almost a movie clip. Her remembering being small, her grandmother with the tea and the way the butterflies flew to the camellia's that grew in her yard. The smell even comes back to her, as if she's standing there all over again.

"But the mosquitos, now that's something I could do without. The south has it's good and bad, but I think us southerners always hold a little space for it. Maybe it's the hospitality, or the chicken. Or something -- but it holds a place in my heart. " Her eyes shift again to look at his face. " My mother and my father got a divorce. My dad is, well emotionally unavailable at best. He gets some time during the summer with me but he'll find some excuse. " Thoughts move to the scenario her mother told her about with her friends. Images of a younger version of her mother in forks runs through her mind. Something she's mostly made up from what her mother said. " When my mom was younger, she visited Forks. She fell in love with it, and wanted to move here. So, we did. "

"The questions are only surprising me because you don't necessarily seem like you're someone who has a lot of friends " It comes out harsher than she expected it to sound. " I just mean, you're alone. I didn't really see you hanging out in a group in the parking lot like everyone else was doing this morning. And no ones stopped you in the hall or said hello yet. " Observations, all observations that she's made. " But, I'm sure you're attractiveness has nothing to do with all of the attention. I mean, you're -- well you have attractive features. Your eyes, there's just something about them..and if you're quiet, then that only makes people speculate more. It only makes their interest grow. People always want to know--want to understand. I think it's part of being human."

[whatichose-deactivated20260427]

It's righteously humbling to be utterly stumped by something as boring as a human, and he'll bite back the demand to feel his frustration. His smile remains constant as she speaks, a quiet breath of laughter parting his lips. "I can show you where it's at," he offers. He wants to know more, and if it meant having to pull it out of her by word of mouth, then he'd begrudgingly do so.

An amused grin gently coils at the ends of his lips. Her distaste for math is grossly evident; the thought of her slamming a math book in the garbage floods his psyche. "It's not that bad," he shrugs. Granted, he's had nothing but time to master the tedious subject. "I can help you, if you want," he adds. It would give him the space to pry even further, even if it's truly the last thing he would like to do in his spare time.

"There are worse things, you know?" He teases, tongue gliding against the expanse of his lower lip. He's poking fun at her in the most subtle of ways. He's quiet for a moment, a smirk at his lips. "Like, imminent death and being the new girl in a very boring and very small town," he hums, matter-of-factly. His hand finds solace at the small of her back, leading her towards the office. The thoughts of the world around them are all befuddled and perturbed by the fact that Edward had extended an act of kindness to anyone but them. Inquisitive minds ponder on what could be so special about the new girl to have garnered his peculiar attention. He bites back a laugh, finding their thoughts utterly amusing.

"Where are you from originally?" He asks, a brow quirked.

[shxyme]

" Oh, well maybe there's a subject I can help you in too then? ", she says it kindly, as if she doesn't want to take up his time without having something to give in return. She'd always been a bit like that. Shay found it hard to ask for help. All the times her dad had told her that she was stupid if she couldn't figure it out on her own, flashed through her head quickly. But she gritted her teeth and wiped them away back into her memory. " I think I'd take the imminent death, seems like you guys don't get many new kids. " There's been a change however. In the way that her new fellow students have been looking at her. Now, there's something a bit less curious, and now it's much more pointed. Taking a look toward the boys face, she knows that it has to be because of him. " I'm from Mississippi, should be at least a bit evident by the accent. " She doesn't hate it like she did when she was younger. She's grown into the believe that it doesn't matter what you sound like. Your accent doesn't mean stupidity. Like her elementary and middle school teachers had said. Using the word ' aint ' didn't mean she had a low IQ -- and if someone believed it did, then chances are they were dumber than she was. " Little town actually, probably smaller than Forks even. " The sights of her town move around her brain. The grocery store, the one fast food restaurant. The high school that the whole county went to.

" So, did you grow up here? And can you tell me why everyone is staring so hard at us? Seems maybe if I didn't want to be stared at, I should have told you to go away. " She's observant, and sometimes even hypervigilant. Growing up in a house hold that gave you post traumatic stress -- well it sometimes taught you the wrong things. " Are you going to eat me or something? "

[kniightharrington]

The trailer park creeped Steve out- he couldn't exactly explain why but he thought it might have something to do with the fact that someone had been horrifically murdered. How had shit come down to this? He was working for like 4 dollars an hour at a family video and his best friends included his coworker and the closest thing to a little brother that he had.

Nancy had sent him back in to grab something when he noticed that someone else had come in while they were gone. "Who the hell are you? What are you doing in here??" he asked curiously, raising an eyebrow. "That? That is... a special effect for a uh... movie. We're shooting a movie, y'know? I'm working on that and you're kinda in the way so... why are you here?"

[shxyme]

Shay took one more glance at the ceiling before she looked back at Steve. " I'm Shay -- and that's complete and utter bullshit. That things practically breathing. " Shay moves closer, but it's too far up to the ceiling for her to touch. " And there's no way, you made something so realistic. No offense, everyone's heard of Steve Harrington, but none of what they hear is about his intellect. So spill or the cops will be back out here, trying to figure out exactly what that weird breathing hole is with me. " Her eyes say she isn't bluffing, and when she points them at Steve again, she hopes he can tell. Hawkins has been getting weirder since she moved here, and this certainly could be an answer as to way.

[whatichose-deactivated20260427]

"I'm fine, I been through worse," River scoffs. He's deserving of her violence, which is why he wasted no energy trying to fight it. The memories regarding their relationship in past lives come in such short waves and bursts. He has tried his hand at making sense of it, but always falls short. Even with the helping hand of the undead, he feels utterly at odds about what truly conspired between the two of them. He simply knows what he knows, and has accepted that he won't ever know what doesn't come to him. The history was strong enough to strike him every time he looked her in the eye. Whatever it was that happened between them, it was stronger than anything he had ever felt before.

"I didn't expect this outcome, no," he admits, a shrug of his shoulders accompanying his words. Honestly, he hadn't expected anything, really. It comes as such a horrendously unfortunate surprise that he holds his breath and waits to wake up from whatever horrific dream he was having. It was an unfortunate conclusion to realize that this was, in fact, reality. "I just can't believe you were with child," he sighs. His voice is quiet, folding into himself. It hurts him beyond what he could ever verbally begin to express.

"I don't need to know," he's quick to say, his eyes darting towards her. Ignorance may be bliss in this situation. The questions would die inside his mind and never see the light of day. He's unsure if he could continue to live with himself if he knew the total truth about their child. "I don't know. I don't remember. All I remember is feeling like it had to be done. I can't explain anything else beyond that."

[shxyme]

Shay slumps further into the chair, afraid this might simply be where she sleeps for the night if she can't manage the strength for the stairs. Her head aches, her body aches, and almost certainly she can say -- her soul aches as well. It aches to understand exactly what she had meant to this man and he to her. Once a long time ago, of course. But something in her chest longed for her to try to make things right. Whatever that right might have been. But, for now he seems tired. And perhaps he has a right to be.

" I know, that you seem eager to get away from me. Away from my shop, and go on living this life like perhaps the other wasn't even real. And sure, I commend you to do what it takes to have a good life. But can you say you'll never turn around? You'll never think of me, or this shop, or the way you loved me once. " With a soft movement, she pushes herself from the chair. Her footing isn't necessarily even, and her movements aren't ones done with grace as she moved to the stairs. " If so, then simply unlock the door and walk off into New Orleans. I won't look for you. I give you my word. "

As she slowly takes one stair at a time, she waits to hear his movements. To hear the door close behind him. " But, if you want to know answers -- why I didn't tell you about the child..what would have happened if you hadn't made the choice you did..then you can follow me. My apartment is upstairs, with a lot of my cards and such. And the Langley book, where everything was documented long before that life of ours. Maybe there are even some journal entries in it from -- well, old me. "

[shxyme]

memee call, like this and i'll drop a meme or two into your inbox!

[shxyme]

decided I’m gonna write some in shay’s ST verse. so if you’d like something, smash my like button and I’ll pop some up tonight after I queue up things on barb

[shxyme]

@facepeeled liked for a st verse starter !

' i wouldn't do that if i were you ", shay tries not to raise her voice too loudly. best not to attract anything that's slipped through that gate. ' what you'll find on the other side might literally eat you -- and not in the pleasurable way. " shay looks at the girl, then down at the gate in the middle of the highway. surely people would find this quick, and that's why she's hoping the group manages to fix things. they didn't need more people snooping around in their business. " there might be enough room to just drive around it if you don't mind the ditch. " shay's trying to politely give this girl a way out of this town. and away from the shit happening in hawkins.

[shxyme]

@kniightharrington liked for a st verse starter !

shay had been watching them from a few trailers away. after the incident, she thought maybe some people would come to see the trailer. but this group had been back and forth a few times. and she knew some of them. well -- not knew, but knew of. steve harrington, nancy wheeler, and then she thinks maybe she'd had a class with dustin henderson. either way, she now, needed to see exactly what they kept sneaking into that trailer for. it was late, and shay wasn't the best at sneaking, but it didn't appear anyone else was in the trailer. so it was smooth sailing to get in. and everything looked fine, for a moment. until she looked up at the ceiling. " what the absolute fuck is that..", she says as she hears someone come in through the door behind her. " what the ABSOLUTE fuck is that", she questions Steve.

[shxyme]

hey! if you just got a follow from me, it's probably because i write with you on my barb -- and i have a lot of muse for shay in her st's verse!

[whatichose-deactivated20260427]

There are silent flashes of a barren state, and a vague sense of misery that comes quietly when his gaze meets her own. He knows that very little good could come from his innate curiosity about her. A sigh parts his lips, a quiet signal of his own internal frustration. It is quite a frustrating affair to know very little about someone who has sparked such an interest in the small world around them. He sifts through neighboring thoughts, all spiked with curiosity and bewilderment to see a new face in a sea of familiarity.

He has to laugh, finding some amusement in the way these people seem to tear apart every minor detail about a new face. He cannot shake the urge to feel almost protective over this new girl. The thoughts of her peers are slightly unsettling, setting his teeth on edge. His jaw clenches, irritation evidently written across his face. He knows better than to let his emotions display themselves so casually, but it's not as if anyone was paying him any mind. His charm had completely subsided the second he made himself appear utterly unapproachable.

He's careful with his approach, following in her trail of footsteps. It doesn't take him very long to catch up, their shoulders gently brushing. He's partially hopeful that such a casual touch may make it easier to peer into her thoughts, but it still comes up short. He has to fight the frown that threatens to pull at the corners of his lips. It is a great disappointment to have no real insight into the sudden object of his curiosity.

"Sorry," he breaks the bubble of silence, offering an apologetic smile. His gaze takes her in, the darks of his eyes polluted with an underlying hunger he had suppressed for the sake of blending in. It is such an awfully insatiable feeling that prickles at the edges of his skin.

"You are new, aren't you?" He asks, the politeness in his smile still fervent. "Welcome," he offers. It feels like such a feeble attempt to open communication with her, but he's awfully desperate for some resolve to this subtle infuriation that wells in his chest.

[shxyme]

Shay believes she's heading in the right direction to the school's office. Flashes of the map she stared at for thirty minutes last night ran across her mind. Too many buildings is what she had originally thought. Her high school back in Mississippi was one indoor building with many classrooms spread around. But here, she would have to go from building to building. All of that seemed like far too much work, but maybe she'd get -- well, no, she wouldn't get much sunlight here. Flashes of websites about forks and it's weather flash around. She'd tried to do some research before she moved, and august was apparently the clearest month in term of the skies. Somehow, this morning has still managed to be cloudy.

But, suddenly someone brushes against her, and those pictured thoughts flood away. It's the boy from the parking lot, the one with the eyes she felt were different. In her mind, there's a playback through her point of view. Her staring at his eyes, focusing on how part of them look a bit darker than the rest. Then flashes of the eyes she knows the best pop up in comparison. Her mothers deep green ones. Her friend from Mississippi, whose blue eyes that were so blue they looked like a lake on a sunny day. Shay had always been jealous. And then, finally her own. In the mirror this morning as she tried to get her hair to do something short of look presentable, she's caught sight of her chestnut brown eyes.

And her mind wandered to her father. Flashes of his face in her mind that she quickly pushes away again to focus on his eyes. " Oh, yeah, today's my first day actually. And I think I might already be lost. Do you think you could point me toward the office so I can get my schedule..I'm just hoping there aren't more math classes. " In her brain, an image of her throwing a math book in the garbage. "Math, might be my biggest nightmare. Scarier than the fact that my mom thinks we just have to go to that Carver Cafe place tonight for dinner. "

[shxyme]

decided I’m gonna write some in shay’s ST verse. so if you’d like something, smash my like button and I’ll pop some up tonight after I queue up things on barb

[whatichose-deactivated20260427]

His feet hit the ground, and he's quick to run a hand through his disheveled mess of hair. There is no explanation for the feelings that well up in the core of his chest. He cannot seem to get a grip on his own emotions, and it becomes dauntingly clear the more that he opens his mouth to speak. In a moment in which silence could be the best method, he falls short, letting his spew of emotions come crawling out of his mouth. Guilt thrashes around within him, and he knew that once he met his own solitude, it would be quick to swallow him up whole. Flashing thoughts of what could have been came without warning and without mercy. "You have no idea the fucking strength it took me to do what I did," he spits. It was never something he wanted, but something he felt had to be done.

"I have had to live with what I have done in every life. You ain't got a right to speak on behalf of how all of it made me feel. You kept a secret from me that could have fucking changed everything," he continues through a clenched jaw. He cannot get into the specifics of why he had to do what he had done, because his head throbbed with a pain so familiar and just as foreign. Distress plagued his body, manifesting in physical pain that demanded his body's attention. "You will never understand, and I made peace with that. Hate me all you want, 'cause I know I deserve that," he continues, a finger pressed into his chest. She could resent him as long as she lived, and he would be forced to make peace with such a harsh reality.

"But you," he scoffs, shaking his head. The finger at his chest is pointed to her, accusatory and filled with anger. "You held something from me that would have changed fucking everything. That is your cross to bear. I don't give a fuck if you hate me, if you wish me dead. I can live with that," he continues, his arms now crossed before his chest. "But to keep my child from me for what? What was the sense in hiding it from me? You knew that was the one thing I wanted more than anything. I would have never ––," he chokes down his words, feeling anything said from this point would be a waste of his own breath. He throws his hands up in defeat. "I don't want to have this conversation anymore. I can't do it."

[shxyme]

Shays finger slowly falls from his chest as he speaks on if she wants him dead. There's a soft whisper in the back of her mind that says never. We could never want him dead. She feels herself losing the willpower she had to keep pushing through the exhaustion from the shift. And not to mention the exertion to use her powers afterward. Lips pale a bit, and her complexion is less of pale pink glow and more the washed out white in monochrome. Perhaps she had been the bad guy in this past. Perhaps she had done something to him instead. But she knows she has to get some type of answer.

" If you hadn't wanted to have some type of conversation with me, you would have turned around and walked out of the door of my shop long before we got this far --", it's said calmly. With deathly certainty. Shay moves very gently to the antique high back reading chair she'd chosen in case anyone needed a peaceful place to read. " Something inside of you wanted an interaction. Perhaps not this one, but you yearned for something. " She slowly pulls her legs into the chair with her, back slumped a bit while she gathers the strength to get up the staircase to her apartment.

" Honestly, I don't know why I kept it from you. My memory hasn't shown me that yet. " There's a thumping. Shay realizes as she speaks and it isn't completely foreign to her. It's the thumping her body picks up when someone's in pain. But this isn't her own body, no she thinks it's his as well. A soft whisper of ceadaichte, and her counter begins to glow from within. " Step behind the counter, in the third drawer on the left there should be small bottles. A few should say leigheas, drink one of them..it'll help with the pain. And no, I do not wish you dead. Only to understand exactly what was happening that lead us -- well, me into dying. "