The Confused Darkness

Shenaningans and Debauchery 26

[haelxtii]

The taste of death sounds sweet

not because I want to disappear

but because I am tired

tired in a way sleep does not touch

There is a softness imagined there

a quiet

a release from the weight

this human world lays across my chest

like a blanket too heavy to lift

yet impossible to escape

Pain teaches the mind dangerous metaphors

it whispers that leaving would be gentle

that letting go would finally mean rest

that silence would be kinder than staying

But this sweetness is not death

it is relief

it is the longing to stop hurting

to stop carrying grief in my bones

to stop feeling buried while still breathing

I do not crave the end

I crave peace

and I am still here

learning the difference

[siddhic]

Penetrate

[siddhic]

Lina

[siddhic]

Watercolor practice

[siddhic]

Que Sera Sera

[freelance-philosopher]

“In art, man fights his fears, he wants to live forever. He is like a child afraid of death. The child is afraid of death, of darkness, of solitude. Such simple fears as hunger for light, warmth, love. Such simple fears behind the elaborate constructions of art. Examine them all gently and quietly through the eyes of a boy. There is always a human being lonely, a human being afraid, a human being lost, a human being confused. Concealing and disguising his dependence, his needs, ashamed to say: I am a simple human being in a too vast and complex world.”

— Anaïs Nin, Children of the Albatross

[siddhic]

My art

[siddhic]

Eternal Descent

All companionship can consist only in the strengthening of two neighboring solitudes, whereas everything that one is wont to call giving oneself is by nature harmful to companionship: for when a person abandons himself, he is no longer anything, and when two people both give themselves up in order to come close to each other. there is no longer any ground beneath them and their being together is a continual falling. -Rainer Maria Rilke

[siddhic]

Unveiled freedom

Show yourself to your beloved; show them your immoral ways, show them your terror, show them your beauty and show them your ecstasy. Do not pretend when it comes to love. I should have taught you one last thing; in love there are no secrets, no hidden self and no restraints. I say it to you now, live unveiled, hide nothing and most of all be free. 

[soracities]

from I Am the Beggar of the World: Landays from Contemporary Afghanistan

[Text ID: “Separation followed me with an axe. Wherever I laid love’s foundation, the axe smashed it.”]

[facinaoris]

Registers of Illuminated Villages, Tarfia Faizullah

[siddhic]

"What do you want from me?" From you, nothing. For you, everything.

[quotemadness]

“Perhaps, somewhere, some day, at a less miserable time, we may see each other again.”

— Vladimir Nabokov

[stay-close]

I close my eyes, but I can't fall asleep, my body dying for rest while my mind's wide awake.

— Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

[freelance-philosopher]

“What does your conscience say? — “You shall become the person you are.””

— Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science

[siddhic]

Holding

How could I take myself back from you You who held me while I had more thorns than petals You whose hands I bruised You who stroked my blossoming petals Who am I to leave after a few of your thorns pierced my skin Must I not embrace your thorns and stroke your cheek in the same moment

[siddhic]

In the light of the Moon

I find myself thinking of you.  Yet, when I find myself I want to give myself to you To hand myself off to you so you can feel every corner of my being Be careful when you touch me there are still sharp edges here.  Sharp edges that wax and wane with the moon Approach me slowly and steadily.  Show me that there is nothing to fear.  Stroke my cheek and kiss me lightly  Will you love me if I am capable of terror as well as beauty? Will you shudder when the moon rises and you see a wolf? Or will you approach me slowly and steadily?  Will you look into my eyes And know that behind the claws and the fangs A man howls.