Girl at Twilight

Write and Write

[kurniawangunadi]

Pintu yang Ditutup

Beberapa hari lalu, merasa sangat beruntung karena bisa mendapatkan perspektif ini saat ngobrol dengan salah seorang guru kami.

Tak akan ada seorang manusiapun yang pernah bisa mengambil rezeki kita. Mau bagaimapun caranya. Meski ia menutup semua pintu yang kita miliki, rezeki itu akan tetap datang dengan jalan yang lain.

Kalau saat ini, kita melekatkan rezeki pada pekerjaan, pada hal-hal yang sedang kita lakukan. Semua itu bisa tiba-tiba hilang entah karena bencana alam, karena kemalingan, karena kecelakaan, karena di PHK, dsb. Mungkin kita akan jatuh, keyakinan kita ikut jatuh. Pikiran kita kalut, berujung depresi. Berujung ketakutan untuk mengambil keputusan-keputusan besar yang baik. Dan berbagai macam hal yang tak mampu kita lakukan karena takut rezeki yang telah kita genggam, hilang.

Ketakutan yang membuat hidup terasa semakin sempit, menilai diri begitu kecil, hingga tidak lagi memberi arti-arti besar pada mimpi-mimpi sewaktu kecil. Tak mampu lepas dari keterpurukan yang berlarut-larut. Karena takut, hilang rezeki.

Jangan takut.

Mau dunia sebentar lagi berakhir. Jika ada sesuatu yang memang jadi rezekimu, ia akan datang menghampirimu. Selama kita memiliki iman dan islam, maka itu sudah lebih dari cukup.

Cukuplah untuk terus berpikir baik pada diri kita sendiri dan Sang Pencipta. Karena Ia yang mampu menciptakan alam semesta ini, apa yang kita mintakan di dunia ini tidak sulit sama sekali bagiNya. <3

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Mencintai Tuhan

lebih mudah

dibandingkan mencintaimu.

Dengan-Nya,

cintaku berbalas.

dihadiahi pelukan keabadian.

Denganmu,

ada takdir terentang tapi arah tujuannya mengabur.

Kemana? Aku tak tahu.

Dengan-Nya,

kesetiaan adalah perjalanan ringan,

karena Dia berlari menghampiriku saat kakiku melemah di persimpangan jalan.

Dan denganmu,

kau adalah fana yang kebingungan kemana kau akan melabuhkan jangkarmu.

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Aku berjanji aku akan mengucapkan selamat tinggal - pada sudut kedai kopi tua bernuansa cokelat hangat - pada cangkir espresso yang dulu begitu melekat pada bibirmu.

Aku berjanji aku akan mengucapkan selamat tinggal - pada halte bus untuk kita bertemu dari gerimis kala itu - pada dinding krem yang memeluk jejak gelak tawa kita.

Aku berjanji aku akan mengucapkan selamat tinggal - pada si mungil buah angan - hari ini ia bersatu dengan kemustahilan.

Ini untukmu, selalu.

Selamat tinggal…

[umtxqwa]

الدُّنيا مُتعِبة ... مُتعِبة جدًا، ولولاَ لُطف الله لهلكنا.

The world is exhausting... extremely exhausting, and were it not for Allāh's compassion, we would have been ruined.

[tentangtenang]

Hal-hal besar, perubahan, atau cerita-cerita bermakna yang terjadi di kehidupan kita pada akhirnya selalu hanya akan berakhir menjadi cuplikan-cuplikan peristiwa kecil di benak orang lain. Seiring berjalannya waktu, ia tidak lagi menjadi penting, tidak pula mengubah apapun pada hidup yang mereka jalani.

Saat kebahagiaan datang, beberapa mengucapkan selamat, beberapa menarik diri untuk menjaga hatinya sendiri. Lalu, hidup mereka berjalan lagi sebagaimana biasanya, seperti yang seharusnya. Yang tersisa adalah kita, bertarung dengan diri sendiri untuk menjalani kebahagiaan yang ada: apakah kita mampu mensyukurinya? Apakah kita cukup siap dan cakap untuk menjalani perubahan-perubahan hidup yang menyertainya?

Saat kesedihan datang, beberapa orang berempati, beberapa seolah tidak memiliki hati. Lalu, hidup mereka pun akan kembali berjalan seoalah tidak ada apapun yang pernah terjadi. Yang tersisa adalah kita, berjuang melawan keterpurukan, sekuat hati mencoba bangkit kembali, dan berusaha menjalani hidup kita lagi meski masih banyak berantakan disana-sini.

Tapi, bukankah hidup pada akhirnya hanya tentang Allah dan diri kita sendiri? Tidak ada siapapun yang akan dapat mewakili kita untuk menjalani dan memberikan pertanggungjawaban kepada Allah atas apa yang kita jalani. Kebahagiaan, kesedihan, ujian, amal shalih, semua kitalah yang akan menjalani dan mempertanggungjawabkannya. Orang lain hanyalah penonton, kitalah pemeran utamanya.

Mungkin ini serupa kisi-kisi dari-Nya, bahwa pada akhirnya perjalanan hidup adalah tentang rahasia-rahasia di kedalaman jiwa kita yang hanya Dia saja yang mengetahuinya. Mungkin ini juga yang membuat kisah pertanggungjawaban, dimana kita akan menghadapinya sendiri-sendiri, menjadi lebih masuk akal.

Apapun, semoga Allah mengkaruniakan kejernihan bagi jiwa kita, agar bisa tepat bersikap dalam menghadapi apa saja. Wallahu 'alam bishawab.

[tentangtenang]

Berdoalah, Sampai Kita Lupa

Belakangan ini, saya sedang belajar memaknai bahwa doa adalah tentang proses-proses di dalam hidup. Menyampaikannya kepada Allah adalah proses dimana kita mengenali dengan baik apa yang menjadi kebutuhan kita dan alasan mengapa kita membutuhkannya, sampai jawabannya lurus selurus mungkin. Mengulang-ngulangnya adalah proses dimana kita belajar berprasangka baik, meski tidak pernah terbayang kapan doa itu akan menjadi nyata. Menunggu keputusan-Nya atas doa itu pun proses dimana kita akan dipertemukan-Nya dengan berbagai dinamika hidup hingga kita berpikir, "Apakah benar saya menginginkannya? Apakah benar ini adalah satu-satunya sumber ketenangan dan kebahagiaan yang saya cari? Apakah benar harus saat ini?" dan seterusnya.

Tentang berdoa, suami saya pernah bilang, "Berdoa aja terus, sampai kita lupa kalau kita pernah punya doa itu, sampai kita tidak lagi fokus pada kapan doa itu akan dikabulkan. Di saat-saat seperti itu, biasanya Allah berikan, bukan?" Ketika mendengarnya, saya sedikit bingung, "Bagaimana bisa kita lupa pada doa yang setengah mati kita harapkan? Kalau sesuatu itu penting bagi kita, bukankah kita tidak akan semudah itu untuk melupakannya?" Kemudian,

Perjalanan memaknai nasehat suami tersebut rupanya mempertemukan saya dengan sebuah pemaknaan bahwa lupa yang dimaksud bukanlah terlepasnya doa dan pengharapan kita itu dari ingatan, tetapi terlepasnya diri kita dari ikatan dan harapan yang tinggi terhadap kapan dan bagaimana doa tersebut harus dikabulkan.

Terus berdoa, tetapi lepaskan ikatan terhadap pengabulannya. Oh, ya Allah! Ini sulit sekali. Tetapi, saya jadi berpikir lagi, "Kalau kita meninggikan harap pada sesuatu yang kita doakan hingga terus-menerus diingat, dipikirkan, didambakan, sampai patah hati ketika belum dikabulkan, bukankah sesuatu itu mungkin sekali menjadi illah (sumber kecintaan) kita di dalam hidup? Satu-satunya illah kan hanya Allah. Lalu bagaimana jika dengan harapan yang tinggi itu kita ternyata sedang menghadirkan tandingan-tandingan-Nya di hati kita tanpa kita sadari?"

Astaghfirullah. Ya Allah, terimakasih atas makna berharga yang Engkau hadirkan ini. Ampunilah aku, yang dalam berdoa pun ternyata masih tidak tahu diri. Mampukanlah aku untuk tetap bersabar dan menjalani hidup sebagaimana arahan-Mu tanpa berfokus pada apa-apa yang belum ada dan belum termiliki.

Wallahu 'alam bishawab.

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Twenties to Thirties

Motivated to bring my hobby of writing alive, I decided to reactivate my Tumblr. Then, I went to the old posts I’d written years ago, in my early twenties.

Of course, you can guess my expression while scrolling down my old posts. I cringed. I was this silly and cringe twenty something back then. And.. I thought I knew everything about adulting then.

Turns out, I still have so much to learn. I’m learning adulting nearing the end of my twenties. I started to build my career in almost 30 years of age. According to appropriate age to start career in Indo, I’m starting later or should I say… “I’m too late to start now”

Reading my old post, I was also a dreamer, perhaps full of hope to bag any kind of success in my early twenties. I looked at life would always surprise me in exciting ways. Then, I started making some dumb choices that would affect me this deeply in my almost 30 years of my life.

I thought my twenties would be exciting, fun and full of opportunities to make my name. But I was met with depression, anxiety, heartbreak, anger, stalking, losing friends, procrastination and losing a parent.

I know God has His own ways ruling our life, I deeply believe in every experience we’ve had, He slipped in some learning and wisdoms. But, I can’t help but to feel guilty of making dumb choices when I was younger. Some nights, the ghost of “what-ifs” will come to haunt me, resulting I often haven’t been having proper rest.

On the other side, now I humbly accept that I will never fully know anything, I can never expect which storm will come to pour on me, and am still developing and learning. I know I came in so late to this “personal development” thingy, but at least, I made peace that I will still have to learn to becoming much better human.

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Oh, dear..

Jealousy runs deep. Like a wildfire, it swiftly consumes me whole.

Then comes ashore, waves of guilt. Guilty of falling, guilty of a brief vulnerability, guilty of being seen.

Oh dear,

Falling to your trap, no more…

[catchymemes]

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Remeh

Sudah setahun aku bekerja sebagai tenaga kontrak sebagai kataloger koleksi perpustakaan. Hari ini, aku engga akan bercerita tentang bagaimana pekerjaanku, tapi aku ingin bercerita seorang rekan di kantorku.

Kenapa?

Karena aku selalu kaget dengan perkataan dia yang satu ini.

“Ini pertama kalinya aku mencoba makanan ini. Terima kasih ya..”

Tepat hari ini, kedua kalinya dia mengucapkan hal itu kepadaku. Ini karena aku membawakan Pretzel Auntie’s Anne untuk rekan-rekan setim. Pertama kalinya dia mengucapkan kalimat apresiasi itu pada tahun 2023, ketika aku “mempromosikan” jasa titip ayam goreng Al Baik. Dia sangat antusias dan beberapa kali berterima kasih padaku. Dia juga berkata dengan senangnya dia akan memakannya bersama keluarganya dirumah.

Dia berterima kasih untuk hal yang kuanggap remeh. Jajan dan menyantap kuliner baru bukanlah sesuatu yang engga biasa untukku. Aku selalu punya tekad yang kuat ketika aku penasaran dengan jajanan tertentu, entah itu viral atau aku di dorong dengan firasat “Ini enak, kamu harus mencobanya”. Mahal atau murah, terkenal atau biasa saja, umum atau unik, kalau aku penasaran, aku akan mengejarnya sampai mulutku menyantapnya.

Tapi, rekan kerjaku yang satu ini, bukanlah orang dengan hobi maupun memiliki tekad kuat untuk menyantap kuliner. Mendengar ceritanya, aku menyimpulkan bahwa makanan adalah objek yang menunjang hidupnya, bukan sesuatu yang bisa dianggap kesenangan. Mungkin untuk mencoba beberapa jajanan tertentu pun dia harus merogoh uang dengan nominal yang lebih besar dari apa yang dia mampukan. Mungkin berjajan ria di mata dia adalah kebiasaan menghamburkan uang yang seharusnya bisa disimpan.

Terlepas dari kemungkinan-kemungkinannya, aku merasa tersentuh dengan betapa dia sangat mengapresiasi ketika aku membawa jajanan yang kuanggap biasa saja, ternyata dimatanya luar biasa. Kupikir, kebiasaanku jajan adalah hal remeh dan sangat mengganggu. Namun, bagi seseorang, kebiasaan ini membawakan cita rasa baru untuknya, sebuah keberkahan, dan sebuah rezeki yang patut disyukuri tanpa tapi.

Terima kasih, darimu aku merasa inilah saatku untuk belajar bersyukur atas besar atau kecilnya sesuatu yang kudapat…

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I Care, but....

My friend told me that I'm not someone who cares about people around me.

I care, but...

I don't like to show it..

I don't want they know it..

Why?

People in my life, mostly exploiting it. Some of them had me dragged to unwanted problems. Even some of my big family and friends exploiting it.

People in my life, mostly don't really care about what's inside my head. Probably they already knew that I am an overthinker, and they told me to shrug it off like it never happened nor affected me in the first place.

Most people in my life are untrustworthy when given this attention.

So I never ask, I make it like I turn a blind eye towards them.

It seems, I am good at covering it.

And I'll keep to cover it..

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What I Learn in 20s

Hello Pals.

I know i am not even reaching 25 of age, but it might helpful if I begin to look my surroundings, my past, and my present.

Why not future? I began to believe that my future is depending on what I do now.

Two years ago, I reached 20 of age. Reaching 20 is considered the crucial time. Why? In twenties, you’ll be faced everything you never saw in your teen years. Reaching 20 means you transformed into a young adult, which means, there would be a lot responsibilities and obligation you need to fulfill. Also, it means you need to change “your-so-naive-perspective” about what you already knew.

Growing up is so scary, right?

These past 2 years has taught me lots of things. At first, it was hard to adapt with changes and incoming responsibilities. I even checked myself to psychologist because I knew there was something wrong with me. Come to think of it, I wasn't ready with changes and fast-paced activities around me. I was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder and Depression, also there was a little chance I had Bipolar too. In the end, like it or not, i have to do a self-instropect of what to do and what not to do. I don’t want to go on living like I did.

At the time I was recovering, I did notice my surroundings and its event. Well, I can't say it didn't hurt me, but I learned in the end.

So, here are they, what I learned in these two years.

People come and go. You might lose everyone you thought they wouldn't hurt you or leave you. Someday, at certain time, if it’s time for them to go, they will. Chance they come back is small. Most people we met in 20s either they will stay or they will pass (Most of them have passed). 

The world won't go any softer on you. It would be useless for you go on cursing on it. You have to toughen yourself up or it kills you multiple times.

Expand your networks, but when it comes to friends, be picky. It will be helpful in future if you have lots of acquaintance...for job seeking. However, when it comes picking whom you want to be friends with, you should be extra careful. Friendship in 20s is challenging yet dangerous. This time, we wouldn’t be dealing with b*tch queen or jocks in high school, you’ll see crafty, calculated and cunning people here and there. Once you show them your weakness, they would do anything to strike you down until you think your existence is no use. Friends are rare for us in 20s. Therefore, once you find yourself with someone who can teach and empower you, keep them. They are worth your time and energy.

Watch your actions, there will be consequences soon or later. I had a friend who treated people she considered her “best” friends like sh*t. She also hurt his ex-boyfriend by constantly making him jealous. The consequences struck her down all of sudden. She was left behind by people and his ex broke things off with her because he couldn't stand of her “insanity.” How is she now? I don’t know, maybe she’s licking her own wounds. 

Travel more, you’ll discover something. Last year, I tried myself to travel farther with motorcycle. It was really scary but when it was done, I would do it again. It gave you a sense of “I got out from comfort zone and I love it!”

Read printed books. Because it’s more healthy for your eyes and you can understand fully the book the way e-books cannot.

Lessen your complaints. Everyone has their own problems and they don’t want additional problem; your complaints about life, love and your sorrow. Be mindful next time or else, they’ll roast you.

Love your parents, even though they’re not perfect. No parents can be as perfect as we ever wanted, but love them, you might be grateful of their showering love on you someday. (Some of you may have abusive parents, some of you may have dysfunctional parents, whatever it is, don’t be as bad as they are. Keep learning to be a better person)

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Bijak Bermedia Sosial

Selamat Siang!

Hari ini, saya mengikuti seminar mengenai “Bijak Bermedia Sosial.” Seminar ini diadakan oleh Kementerian Komunikasi dan Informatika yang bekerja sama dengan  pihak Fakultas Ilmu Komunikasi Unpad. 

Pembahasan seminar ini berfokus pada fenomena bermedia sosial pada saat ini, ditambah pembahasan mengenai Hoax, yang kerap kali menyerang pengguna-pengguna dunia maya. Yang menjadi pembicara hart ini adalah: Bapak Nukman Luthfie, Bapak Dadang Rahmat Hidayat, serta Bapak Gungun Rismadi.

Masing-masing pembicara membahas tiga hal yang berbeda. Bapak Gungan membahas mengenai UUD terkait media sosial, Bapak Dadang berfokus membahas Hoax, sementara Bapak Nukman membahas pengaruh media sosial setta memberikan tips-tips bagi anak muda dalam menggunakan media sosial.

Dari ketiga pembahasan yang di berikan oleh tiga pembicara tersebut, saya hanya akan membahas kesimpulan yang saya dapatkan selama acara tersebut berjalan. Walau berbeda, inti dari tiga pembahasan ini masih täta mengenai bijak barmedia sosial.

Bijak barmedia sosial disini adalah bagaimana kita menggunakan sosial media sesuai etika dan UUD IT 2008. Bijak barmedia sosial salah satunya adalah untuk menghindari pengaruh Hoax. Saat ini, banyak sekali Hoax-Hoax yang berseliweran di sosial media, sehingga banyak sekali orang-orang yang terkena dampak buruknya, salah satunya sepeti banyaknya antar kelompok ataupun individu terkena konflik dikarenakan informasi yang belum tentu terjamin kebenarannya. Hoax, menurut Bapak Dadang, paling sering muncul dalam bentuk tulisan, gambar serta video. Hal ini banyak terjadi di Instagram, Whatsapp, serta Facebook. 

Penyebab Hoax menurut Bapak Dadang adalah : 1) Pengalihan Isu. 2) Ditunggangi Kepentingan (Ekonomi, Politik, Dsb). 3) Kurang Informasi. 4) Delegitimisasi media massa arus utama. 5) Kurangnya Penegakkan Hukum. Menurut beliau, diperlukan lembaga yang netral untuk mengkaji kebenaran-kebenaran sebuah berita yang tersebar.

Lalu, Bapak Nukman menambahkan agar kita dapat bijak dalam bermedia sosial, terutama untuk menghindari Hoax, contohnya, kita dapat menggunakan Instagram sebebas-bebasnya, namun jangan lupa untuk mencari isu-isu hangat agar tidak ketinggalan, seperti Twitter. Bapak Nukman juga memberikan tiga tips bagaimana penggunaan ideal media sosia, yaitu: 1) 1/3 penggunaan untuk bisnis serta promosi; 2) 1/3 sharing-sharing mensenai ide dan pikiran-pikiran para tokoh-tokoh maupun pengusaha; 3) 1/3 penggunaan media sosial harus mengenai interaksi personal serta merek diri.

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Winona Ryder

Hello pals.

In the skripsi madness, I decided to continue watching Stranger Things. You know that latest horror/mystery series? If you are a Netflix maniac, I think you know the series. Can't go wrong with a little entertainment.

Stranger things has been starring Winona Ryder as one of main role. I have heard so many things about her but rarely have I watched her movies and series, but yeah, she's quite popular.

I finished all 8 episodes in one night and I instantly fell in love with her acting.

This morning, I happened to stumble upon Ryder's Wiki. In her 46 years, she's never had the kids of her own, even tho' she is currently in a relationship with a guy. After that I browsed all articles related to her. She stated "I'd rather have never been married than been divorced few times." Whoa....what a tough woman.

OK, back to Stranger Things. Well, like I said before, she doesn't have kids, while her role in the series as a mother, Joyce Byers, who struggled to find his younger son that had been lost without any enough trace. Her kid was dragged and kidnapped to the upside down, the other dimension. Joyce is a divorced woman and is working hard to support her sons lives. When her younger son was lost, she was trying to find a way finding him. At first, nobody believed her that she reached her son in the other dimension by lamps and telephone. Everyone considered her as a crazy woman who just lost his son. Even after she was informed that her son's body floating at the lake, she refused to believe her son was already dead and he was still trapped. Eventually, the son's body revealed to be fake.

I love how Winona Ryder portrayed Joyce Byers. She is definitely absorbed to her role. She perfecly makes audiences believe that she has children so that she totally acted out like a real mom who's been trying so hard to find her kid.

So what's the secret? Well, she learned it from her own mother. She learned things related on what a mother would do when her son was just lost into thin air and how a mother would feel. But I think that was only a little factor of her greatest acting in this series. Like I said, she was absorbed to the character perfectly.

No wonder why she is a top actress in Hollywood. She is already in her 3 decades in this business. Also, only certain movies she'd been starring at, like Black Swan. You know? Black Swan has got huge positive critiques.

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Pain is something you need to be grateful of. It will be your reminder that your heart is well-functioned.

SKK

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Dear Ex-Friend

Dear Ex-Friend, How are you?

I hope the mess you used to tell me is getting smaller.

My life? Well. not so much. I have thesis to fight for. I’m getting closer to both our friends and I’m still talking to your ex-boyfriend, he has been doing great lately.

Dear Ex-Friend, I hope you would take a look on this open letter someday. As much as I want nothing to do with you, you deserves an explanation and I have to tell you the truth of why I shooed you away from my life.

I know you’re not a bad girl, but you’re a complicated person. Also, there’s something in you, a negativity, that kept me doing wrong. Also, you lied so many things to me, which led me to confusion. I couldn't decide every words that came from your little lips, were lies or truths. 

You also kept hurting your ex-boyfriend, that happened to be my close friend. You never knew how hurt he was because of you. How he frequently texted me at nights because you blamed him, you hung out with other guys and texted other guys with flirtation in it. You can blame him for his infidelities, you can blame us for talking behind your back, but you have to reflect yourself. If it wasn't because of your reckless actions, it wouldn't have ended this way. 

You hated me because you thought I have everything you ever wanted. Some of  the time, you exploded out of nowhere and you slipped those words “I envy you because you are not alone”. or “your problems are not bigger than mine.” I. seriously. hate. those. words. You never knew what I’ve been through since childhood. Your attention was only to yourself and underestimate other’s problems. You used that as justification that you need more attention for yourself. You forgot that I have problems too, there were long nights where I couldn't sleep because of the trauma I never speak to anyone else. 

When you became his girlfriend, all you ever talked was about him and him and him. You didn't care how i was doing or how stressed I was. I had crappy days back then, you never asked. Funny thing was, you kept saying “you are the best friend I ever had.” but you acted the opposite of those words. This was one of my wake up call that you didn't really care at all about others and I was beginning to realize that I had to be available every time you need me, and you could be unavailable for me. One day, you realized I stopped spilling my stories and you asked me why. I didn't feel the urge to tell you the truth, because I grew tired of you. All you ever cared was your relationship with him, his infidelities, your alibis and your life. 

It reached its peak when you locked three of us out of your room. We begged you to open the door. You kept pushing us away. That was your true colors, you said you hate me. I realized, what you had just spilled was the truth, the answer I was never expected. From that moment, I decided to not trusting you. I decided to stay away from you. When two of us had gone, you opened the door only to your ex. Hours after, you texted me, and your reason was “I envy you because you never be alone and I’m alone.” I was already tired with your shits and lies. I wanted nothing to do with you.

Then, you hurt my good friend, your ex-boyfriend. He often texted me at nights and telling me how broken he was because you kept doing that to him. I was slowly hating your existence. 

Remember the night you got hospitalized and three of us waiting your parents to come? Well, both of us did that for our friend’s sake, not for you. We were and always loyal to him, not you. You know what? I didn't feel anything when I saw you there, laying helplessly. I felt nothing but disappointment. 

The guys are like my older brothers I never had. I wouldn’t let anyone to hurt them, like they wouldn't let anyone hurt me. So, I braced myself to be more vocal and bravely pointing at your mistakes. You grew to resent me more, I knew that. You didn't want to be the one whose faults are pointed at. You didn't want to be criticized. You’ve always wanted to be “she was always right because she is a girl.” Boys and girls are always making mistakes, so do I, so are they. We’re always equal in making mistakes.

I knew what he did was wrong, I knew what I did was wrong, but like my twin sister said to you, I would never talk about the person behind their back if it has no reason. 

And you should know too. The person who had been warning me to stay away from you was my twin sister, not the guys. She warned me because she smelled something wasn't right about you and it was dangerous to be your friend. I didn't listen to her, until what she told me became reality. My twin and I were really trying to help you, but you always shrugged them off as if our words weren't really important, but you kept asking for help from us. She finally told me “Why should you help a person who doesn't need helping, but keep asking for help? The words are useless and you waste your time for a person like that.”

Now, you keep talking behind my back about what I did, keep blaming me and show the world that you are obviously the person with full of miseries in life and you deserve attention. Well, you do need blame yourself first for the bad things that ever happened to you. No smoke would ever spread if there wasn't the trigger, Fire.

I don’t need someone like that in my life. I hate such negativity filling my life. I already have my own drama and problems, so I saved myself by staying away from you.

I dont hate you, I nothing you.

Because you made me disappointed. It cut me deeper.

So I want nothing to do with you anymore. I let you live and I keep living my own life.

Thanks for the lessons.

[sifakikan-blog]

Sekarung Sampah Di Tanganmu

Kulihat kau terduduk layu dengan sekarung sampah ditanganmu. Tatapan kosong kau lempar ke segala arah. Wajah mungilmu yang lusuh itu kosong dari ekspresi. Jalan raya di depanmu ramai, tapi kesenangan ramai itu tidak kau temukan di hati polosmu.. ataupun kedamaian.

Mataku terpaku melihatmu tetap menatap kosong ke jalanan. Apakah kau sedih saat itu? Aku tidak tahu.

Apakah kau muram saat itu? Aku tidak tahu.

Tapi satu realita yang kuimani, kau lelah menjadi orang dewasa. Kau ingin menjadi anak kecil. Sayangnya, hidup memaksamu berdewasa sebelum waktunya.

Malam merambat semakin pekat, kau masih terduduk layu. Dengan sekarung sampah digenggamanmu yang tak kau lepas.

Jatinangor, 31 Mei 2017 Pukul 20.50

(Diedit kembali di Bekasi, 6 Agustus 2024)