Not sure if you’re still here, but I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate your Anonymous/Fragmented series. Binge-read them from Christmas eve to Christmas day; perfect way to spend my holiday break lol. Anyway, I know I’m almost 2 years late since its inception, but still, thank you for sharing your work! Loved the angst most especially since I’m a sucker for one. 🖤
Awe, thank you my love! I don’t post here much anymore. But I do sincerely appreciate your kind words and I’m so glad you enjoyed the story 🖤
For the reverse mini bang event over @billybigbang -- thanks to @dragonflylady77 for picking my prompt and writing the fic along with it! [Read "pressing buttons" here] I'm so glad I got to draw our boys and the Party at the arcade.
Hi! Just stoping by to tell you I miss you and hope everything is ok!💗
Hello love! I am good! It’s been a super crazy October so far. I just got back from seeing the love of my life at Mayhem ☺️ The boys looked amazing, healthy, and so happy!
I appreciate you stopping in mi amor 🖤 I’ll be back soon.
put your music library on shuffle and write down the first line of the first ten songs that play, post the poem that results
ten times removed
what do you say to the child?
I'm shrouded in darkness
a measure of the soul
tonight, I could be with you
I ripped your heart out from your chest
all in all, it's no one's fault
falling out of sleep, I hit the floor
am I still speaking?
you can't
to forgive - the smashing pumpkins / waterboy - live / back door - clan of xymox / queen - melvins / spirit - bauhaus / incinerate - sonic youth / insignificance - pearl jam / B) hyperstation - sonic youth / rounds - the oh hellos / endless, nameless - nirvana
tagging @langdonsluxiouslocks @dearscone @ramblinguitar @antiquesintheattic @noreign if u want :)
thank you my loves for the cool tag!!! @h0lygh0sts & @l0st-d0gs <333
put your music library on shuffle and write down the first line of the first ten songs that play, post the poem that results
Somewhere a clock strikes midnight
Summer was long
Oh, girl, I've known you very well
Man made of stone
I was under the Calvary Cross
Said I want you here with me
You tried to kill me off
I, I built a wall
I-I want to know the reason why
I've been so many places in my life and time
i actually really like this, gothic romantic vibes perhaps?
night prowler - acdc / you know me too well - nothing but thieves / more than a woman - bee gees / shiner in the dark - royal blood / the calvary cross - richard & linda thompson / yearnin' - the black keys / acid bubble - alice in chains / yourfault - parcels / you make me wanna die - the shivas / a song for you - donny hathaway
tagging @stoneysponytail-2 @poneystoney @heavenknowsffs @blackccelebration @ramblinguitar @wvnjo @lovehate-love @spaceradars @noreign (no pressure obviously), much love pumpkins <3
@langdonsluxiouslocks @dearscone @l0st-d0gs thank you for the tags, this seems to be so cool 😍
Everybody
I'll never be your beast of burden
Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
You put the boom-boom into my heart
Stand up, you don't have to be afraid
Keep you in the dark, you know they all pretend
It's been a while since I've talked about it
Steve walks warily down the street
They're selling postcards of the hanging
I don't care if monday's blue
I want to thank Backstreet Boys, The Rolling Stones, Pearl Jam, Wham!, Kiss, Foo Fighters, Beabadoobee, Queen, MCR and The Cure for taking part in this beautiful composition
Thank you for the tag @stoneysponytail-2 😘 I like this one!
Hell-bound train, I’m on its track
Caught up in a whirlwind, can’t catch my breath
Singin’ the blues and hoping for nothing
Have mercy
Well, I’m feeling left behind
I shoulda left you where I found you
I can tell by the way you use me, you don’t need me
Every single day, I got a heartache comin’ my way
Well, I’ve got the shakes
You got the potion, yeah, you really do
“Hellbound Train” Savoy Brown, “Tightrope” Stevie Ray Vaughan, “I’m Gone” Vision Arcade, “Waitin’ on the Bus” ZZ Top, “Albatross” Corrosion of Conformity, “Love out of Lemons” Bones Owen, “Tired of You Leaving” Quaker City Night Hawks, “Fire and Water” Free, “The Whiskey Shakes” Jeremy & the Harlequins, “Fade Away” The Revivalists
This is really fun - and it's eerie how I used a playlist for something I'm working on and how it reflects the story.
No pressure tags going to @edgingthedarkness @katuschka @jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka @vanfleeter and @tripthedharmadivine
Put your music library on shuffle and write down the first line of the first ten songs that play, post the poem that results
Oh, silence is making me nostalgic
Mother, I don't wanna take my medicine
Sweet Creature
Strange light revolves around you
I'm still a fan even though I was salty
Baby, you were the love of my life, woah
Oh mama
As you promised me that I was more than all the miles combined
Am I more than you bargained for yet?
Every night I saw you there
New Perspective - Noah Kahan / S.O.S - The Glorious Sons / Sweet Creature - Harry Styles / Heaven - Niall Horan / Kill Bill - SZA / Love Of My Life - Harry Styles / Highway Tune - Greta Van Fleet / Stick Season - Noah Kahan / Sugar, We’re Going Down - Fall Out Boy / Leader Of The Landslide - The Lumineers
Okay… mine is giving mommy/abandonment issues😅
No pressure tags for @ninas-tearsofrain @broken0mens @do-it-jakey-baby
Gorgeous Nightmare - Escape The Fate. Animals - Architects. 1x1 - Bring Me The Horizon. Killing me Slowly - Bad Wolves. Beautifully Tragic - Escape The Fate. Gungrave - Erra. Your Betrayal - Bullet For My Valentine. Body Bag - Beartooth. The Death Of Peace Of Mind - Bad Omens. Someday - Nickleback.
dose no. 2 - the maine. where’d you go - illenium, said the sky. fireside - invent animate. lights out - fred again.., romy, haai. soft spine - spiritbox. concrete closure - rain city drive. medicate me - rain city drive, dayseeker. eternal blue - spiritbox. chihiro- billie eilish. lost - linkin park.
fear of dying - poppy | no surprise - turnstile | creature - half•alive | zipper - brockhampton | bloodshot - jack’s mannequin | harvey - her’s | (pls) set me on fire - enter shikari | long talks - the early november | sleepless deathbed - invent animate | the sound of settling - death cab for cutie
I've seen that look in your eyes
I tell myself you don't mean a thing
Low, a part of me now
Hey, you look pretty broken
Sorry I didn't kiss you
The way your body moves
Well I can't ever really believe
I've missed your calls for months it seems
I swear I never meant to erase you
The wall that I have built to keep you out is starting to rust
ruelle - madness / paloma faith - only love can hurt like this / novo amor - repeat until death / aurora view - lovesick / clairo - bubble gum / picturesque - holding me down / cold - no one / halsey - sorry / spiritbox - hysteria / motionless in white - sinematic
put your music library on shuffle and write down the first line of the first ten songs that play, post the poem that results.
I made another mistake
Some days i'm narcissistic
Sunshine, there ain't a thing that you can do
You break, you mend, blend in with the madness
Let me introduce myself
Arrogance, violence, world in disarray
Yeah, you've been alone
Lashing out the action
Spiraling inside my own disguise
Hear me spit on you
bad omens - death of peace of mind / motionless in white - headache / pierce the veil - caraphernelia / bad omens - IDWT$ / blind channel - phobia / slayer - repentless / avenged sevenfold - gunslinger / metallica - battery / motionless in white - disguise / deftones - bored
I tag @rottenpill666 @kaunisbaby @ebechnasheim @veronicaphoenix @hlurz
Omg thank you for the tag @dominuslunae ✨ this is cool!
Put your music library on shuffle and write down the first line of the first ten songs that play, post the poem that results
Time is always there to catch my fall
I respond to their calls
If I had my own world
Just wait and see, just sit and breathe
Another head hangs lowly
Cutting out the deadweight
Old friends, same disease
The sutures in my head keep getting ripped out
Floating free
Chemical, dripping dark, dark, out of my soul
Cellar Door - Spiritbox | Masterpiece - The Anchor | Secret Crowds - Angels & Airwaves | Under Denver - Asking Alexandria | Zombie - Bad Wolves | Deadweight - I Prevail | The Drain - Bad Omens x HEALTH x SWARM | Enough, Enough Now - Bad Omens | Black Hole - We Came as Romans x Caleb Shomo | For Your Sake - Too Close To Touch
Put your music library on shuffle and write down the first line of the first ten songs that play, post the poem that results
This is the end, hold your breath and count to 10
Coming out of my cage and I’ve been doing just fine
This world will never be what I expected
I could be the one or your new addiction
I thought I saw a man brought to life
I, I just woke up from a dream
Shakedown 1979, cool kids never have the time
Traveling in a fried out kombi
Kissing I hope they caught us
I don’t wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Adele- Skyfall | The killers - Mr.Brightside | Three Days Grace - Never too late | Chappell Roan - Hot To Go | Natalie Imbruglia - Torn | Bruno Mars & Lady Gaga - Die with a Smile | The Smashing Pumpkins - 1979 | Agora Hills - Doja Cat | P!nk - Sober |
Put your music library on shuffle and write down the first line of the first ten songs that play, post the poem that results
1- My boy’s being sus, he was shady enough
2- There’s no limit to your stupidity (Твоей тупизне нет предела )
3- don’t you tell me that it wasn’t meant to be
4- staring at the water looking like a bunch of satin
5- my ambitions as a rider is to drive right off a fucking cliff
6- just stop your crying, it’s a sign of the times
7- I’m always ready for a war again
8- *screams*
9- where did you learn that it means to reciprocate
10- oh girl I like you, I do
/ my boy by Billie Eilish / Conflict by Slaughter to Prevail / Clouds as Witness by $uicideboy$ / All my life I’ve wanted a Chevy by $uicideboy$ / Sign of the Times by Harry Styles / Cerebral Syphilis by Gutteral Disgorge / Tek it by Cafuné / I like you by Post Malone \
aka spending some time with a very sleepy noah at the airport
Pairing: Noah Sebastian x reader
The fluorescent lights overhead cast a sterile, harsh glow over the airport terminal, reflecting off the polished floor you were sitting on and highlighting the exhaustion that hung in the air like a thick fog. It was the middle of the night, and the bad weather outside showed no signs of letting up.
The storm had rolled in faster than expected, grounding flights for hours and leaving the terminal packed with travelers who all seemed to be in the same state of weary frustration.
You glanced around, noting the rows of filled seats, people sprawled across chairs, bags tucked under their heads or against their chests, trying to catch any sleep they could. It was a sea of tired faces, everyone resigned to waiting out the storm.
A few rows over, Jolly, Folio, and Nicholas had spread out on the floor, each of them settling in for the long wait. Jolly leaned back against his backpack, scrolling through his phone while tapping his fingers rhythmically against his knee. Folio and Nicholas, crouched by a nearby vending machine, were peering through the glass, trying to decide between stale pretzels and some kind of fruit bar.
You shifted your gaze to Noah. He was standing a few feet away, staring blankly at the departure board, his arms crossed loosely over his chest.
Even from where you sat, you could see the fatigue etched into every line of his body. The long tour had been relentless, every night spent pouring his heart out on stage, every day moving from one city to the next, barely catching any rest in between.
You knew how much he loved it—how much he lived for the music and the energy of the crowd—but it had taken a toll. Now, with the tour finally over and the promise of home so close, the flight delay was like the final straw.
Your phone buzzed in your hand, the notification you’d been expecting. You unlocked it to check the latest update from the airline. Another two-hour delay. The flight that was supposed to take you back home was now pushed even further into the early hours of the morning. You groaned softly, rubbing your eyes with the heel of your hand.
Noah caught the sound and turned to you, his brow furrowed.
“What’s the verdict?” he asked, his voice rough, like he was fighting to stay awake.
“Two more hours,” you replied, shaking your head. “Looks like we’re not going anywhere for a while.”
He exhaled sharply, the sound part sigh, part groan. He walked over to you, his steps slow, like he had to remind his legs to move. When he finally reached you, he dropped down beside you on the floor without hesitation, his back resting against the cold wall.
The seats were long gone to other passengers, so the floor was the only option. He slumped there for a moment, his head tilting back to rest against the wall. His eyes drifted shut, his face a mask of sheer exhaustion.
“I don’t even have the energy to be annoyed,” he mumbled, half to himself.
You smiled softly, scooting a little closer to him. “I don’t think anyone here does,” you said, gesturing toward the scattered crowd around you, many of them in similar states of defeat.
He chuckled weakly, but it was a tired sound.
For a few minutes, you both sat in silence, the noise of the airport around you reduced to background static. You watched as his head slowly tilted forward, his chin dropping toward his chest.
He jerked awake once or twice, the familiar battle to stay conscious playing out in the slight twitch of his shoulders, the brief widening of his eyes. It broke your heart a little to see him like this, running on fumes.
Without thinking, you reached out and took his hand in yours, threading your fingers together. His hand was warm, his skin rough from years of playing guitar, but the contact seemed to ground him. His grip tightened around your fingers for a second, as if he was reassuring himself you were there. He glanced at you, a small, tired smile tugging at his lips.
“Hey,” he murmured, voice barely audible over the soft hum of the terminal.
You smiled back, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “Hey.”
Noah sighed, and his shoulders slumped even more, like just holding your hand had taken the last of his strength. He let out a breath, long and slow, and shifted closer, leaning into you slightly. You didn’t mind, scooting a little more to give him space. The floor wasn’t the most comfortable place, but it didn’t matter—not when he needed you like this.
After a few moments, Noah let go of your hand, moving to rest his head on your lap. He hesitated for just a second, his eyes flickering up to meet yours, almost like he was checking if it was okay. You smiled down at him, brushing a strand of his dark hair back from his face.
“It’s fine, Noah. Just rest,” you whispered, gently stroking his hair, encouraging him to relax.
That was all the permission he needed. His body seemed to melt into the floor, and he shifted slightly to get comfortable. His breathing slowed almost instantly, and within minutes, his eyes were closed, his face peaceful as sleep finally claimed him.
You looked down at him, your fingers still gently threading through his hair. He was always so strong, so full of energy when he was on stage, commanding the attention of thousands of fans with just his voice. But here, in the quiet of the terminal, he looked so vulnerable, so tired.
It was rare to see him like this, to see the weight of everything he carried so clearly written in the softness of his features. His features seemed softer in sleep, his lips parted just slightly as he breathed deeply, his body completely still.
The chaos of the terminal faded into the background as you focused on him. You kept running your fingers through his hair, slow and gentle, careful not to wake him. He shifted occasionally, nuzzling deeper into your lap, his breath warm against your leg.
Every time he moved, you smiled, feeling the quiet contentment that came from knowing you could be there for him, that you could give him this moment of peace when he needed it most.
Time seemed to pass in a blur, the minutes stretching into what felt like hours as you sat there, cradling Noah’s head in your lap, your fingers continuing their steady rhythm through his hair.
The sounds of the airport—the distant overhead announcements, the murmur of conversations, the occasional clang of luggage wheels on tile—became a distant hum, lulling you into a sense of calm.
Despite the uncomfortable floor and the exhaustion gnawing at your own body, you didn’t move. You didn’t dare disturb the fragile peace of the moment.
Noah shifted again, this time turning his face slightly toward you, his breath brushing against your thigh. His expression was so relaxed, so open in sleep, and you found yourself smiling down at him, your heart swelling with affection. It was moments like this—small, quiet moments—that reminded you just how much you loved him, how much you cherished these fleeting instants of vulnerability when he let his guard down.
After what felt like an eternity, you heard the faint ding of an announcement over the loudspeaker. The gate attendant’s voice crackled through the terminal, announcing that the weather was clearing and flights would soon be boarding. You checked the time on your phone—it had been almost two hours, just like they said. The wait was almost over.
You glanced down at Noah, who was still fast asleep, his breathing deep and steady. You hated to wake him, but you knew you didn’t have much choice. Leaning down, you brushed your fingers gently over his cheek, your touch light as you whispered, “Noah… Hey, it’s almost time.”
He stirred at the sound of your voice, his eyes fluttering open slowly. For a moment, he looked dazed, like he didn’t quite remember where he was. Then his gaze met yours, and a small, sleepy smile spread across his face.
“Sorry,” he mumbled, his voice thick with sleep as he shifted to sit up, rubbing at his eyes. “Did I fall asleep on you?”
“Yeah,” you said softly, “But it’s fine. You needed it.”
He smiled, his eyes half-lidded as he leaned into your touch for a moment longer before sitting up fully. He stretched, his joints popping as he groaned softly.
Then, without a word, he leaned in, his gaze flickering down to your lips just for a second before he closed the distance between you. His lips were soft, warm against yours, and the kiss was gentle, slow, like he was savoring the moment. His hand moved to cup your cheek, his touch tender as he pulled you just a little closer.
You kissed him back, the noise of the busy terminal fading away as the world shrank to just the two of you. There was no rush, no urgency, just the quiet, sweet feeling of being with him in that moment, connected after a long, exhausting journey.
When he finally pulled back, his forehead rested lightly against yours, and he smiled, his voice barely a whisper. “Thank you."
You smiled. “Always.”
As the gate announcement continued, you both stood, gathering your things, reuniting with the rest of the band, and getting ready to finally board the plane.
Despite the long wait and the exhaustion still clinging to both of you, there was a sense of calm between you—a quiet understanding that no matter how chaotic things got, you would always be there for each other.
Well guys, you let me write your delulu fan fantasies, and it was an absolute blast. I had the best time with it, and hope to open myself to doing that again someday. Thank you all for letting me bring some semblance of your fantasies to life. It means the world to me!
Now…I think it’s only fair that I write mine.
Rating: Mature
Warnings: None.
Breathe
The last three days had been a blur. They’d been exciting, exhilarating, and unbelievably fun…but they were so exhausting.
Flying all the way out to Grand Rapids…amid a cyber defect, no less…delayed flight, no one can take cards, two days at a rock music festival…I was beat.
Nicole and I had been planning this trip for months, and it felt like regardless of how many things we did right, we were fighting against some unseen force against us. Everything we tried to do was halted at each turn, and it had become rather annoying.
Despite all of the mishaps, we had persevered, determined to enjoy ourselves against any and all odds. We got to listen to great music, meet some bands, and ate the most disgusting food the festival had to offer.
It was a dream.
By the drive back to the hotel after day two of Upheaval, we were sitting in near-silence, the radio humming low in the vehicle.
"Babes?" I looked over to Nicole. "We need to eat."
I groaned in response, sinking further into my seat. "Sounds dumb. I want to sleep."
She chuckled. "Same, but if we don't eat, we're going to feel like shit tomorrow."
"Ugh," I rolled my eyes toward the pitch darkness outside the window of the rental. "you're right."
She smirked. "As always."
I sucked my teeth. "Can we at least shower first?"
Back at the hotel, we each took our time scrubbing the day off of us, erasing the sweat and makeup left from the weekend. I slipped into my heavy sweats and black crop-top, beads of water still falling from my long, dark hair. Nicole was rubbing moisturizer into her skin, standing in front of the bathroom mirror as I ran my fingers bluntly through my hair.
"I don't want to eat Taco Bell again." Her voice was pleading, and I snickered.
"Same, dude. But what else is open?"
She picked up her phone, opening Google Maps, and scrolling through.
"IHOP?"
I sighed. "It was so bad when we ate there on Thursday..."
She nodded, pursing her lips. "I know, dude. Let me keep looking." Her fingers swiped the screen. "That Denny's looked fucking scary."
I laughed, walking out of the bathroom and grabbed my wallet from my purse, stuffing it in my pocket.
"Oooh!" She stepped into the room, a smile on her face. "There's a TGIFridays open! Only for like, another hour? But if we eat fast, we can make it."
The restaurant was desolate, only one other large SUV in the parking lot. Before opening my door, I slipped my phone from my pocket and checked the screen.
No notifications.
"Have you heard from him?"
I just shook my head, re-locking the phone, and putting it in my pocket. Her look was sympathetic.
"He's an idiot. Don't even worry about it, babe." She put a hand on my arm. "That's a 'tomorrow you' problem."
I nodded, giving her a small smile. "I know. Thanks, Nic."
We walked into the restaurant, eyes glancing around and seeing only one table in the corner filled with no less than five men laughing and eating. Craning my neck around, I searched for the server.
"You think they'll even seat us this late?"
Nicole shrugged, eyes trained on the table with the patrons. "Don't know."
She was distracted, so I stepped forward toward the host stand, looking around toward the bar.
"October..." Her voice was small, just above a whisper.
I didn't look back at her, my empty stomach motivating me to keep checking for the employee. "Hmm?"
A hand gripped my wrist, which made my head snap back to her. "I need you to, discreetly, look over at the table of guys in the corner."
I furrowed my brows, looking her directly in the eyes. "What? Why?"
Her face was stern. "Just do it, but don't be obvious."
Exhaling a breath, I continued searching around the restaurant, letting my eyes fall on the table for only a split second longer than anywhere else.
I counted six men, all black t-shirts and hoodies. Three of them wearing black baseball caps. Half of them were sitting with their backs turned to me, but my eyes caught one of them facing our direction, hands air-drumming feverishly in front of him.
He looked so...familiar?
I stole another glance, and my eyes widened.
"Is that...?"
"Nick Folio." Her voice whispered to me.
I averted my eyes to the floor, hand rising to cover my mouth. "Oh my God."
"If he's here, that means it's them."
I couldn't process that.
Bad Omens was my favorite band. Nearly the entire reason I had flown sixteen hundred miles to a state I had never been. I ground my teeth together, shutting my eyes.
"No fucking way, dude. We just saw them at the festival." I let my eyes look up at her, and she smirked.
"Well, clearly, they're hungry."
"Mkay, well I'll be out in the car if you need me." My legs started for the door, but an arm hooked mine, swinging me back to my spot in front of her.
"Oh, no no no. You're not leaving."
My eyes blew wide at her. "I can't fucking be here while they are! They're my fucking heroes, Nic!"
She nodded. "Uh, fucking same! But when will we ever get an opportunity to be this close again?"
I rolled my eyes. "We're not at a zoo, Nicole. They're just guys."
I didn't even believe the words I was saying.
"Yeah?" She crossed her arms, and raised an eyebrow. "Then why leave?"
My face deadpanned, my lip pouting. "Cause I'm going to throw up."
She chuckled at this, eyes darting back to the guys, completely oblivious to our turmoil unfolding fifty feet away.
"We should talk to them."
My heart fell straight to my gut. "I beg your finest pardon?"
She shrugged, considering me. "Why not? What's the worst that could happen?"
"Uh, we interrupt their meal and I die of a stroke?"
This time, she rolled her eyes. "If you don't go say hello, I'm going to do it."
My brain short circuited. We couldn't have that. Who knew what Nicole's unhinged mouth would say to them...
"Can't I just eat and go? Pretend I didn't even see them?"
"And you'll never forgive yourself. You can't be this close to Noah Sebastian, and not tell him how much his music means to you."
I chewed on my lower lip.
"C'mon, babe. It'll be fine, and I'll be there with you!"
I steadied myself, wiping my hands on my pants. "Okay. Okay, I will."
I turned, looking directly at the table. The server had finally emerged, a tray full of plates in his hand. I waited as he set them all down, and he finally approached us.
"Sorry about that wait, guys. Just two?"
Nicole nodded, given I was nearly catatonic. The short, blonde man led us to a booth, only two away from the table I was dreading. He handed us menus, and took our drink orders.
"Before or after food?" Nicole asked as she scanned her menu.
"Can't you just do it?" I grimaced. "Without being a weirdo?"
She didn't even bother looking up at me. "Nope. Weird is built into my soul, sorry."
I sighed hard. "Before, then. If I eat, I will vomit all over them."
She folded her menu, and stood from the booth. "Let's go, then."
I closed my eyes, and took her outstretched hand, standing. Taking a quick second to right my hoodie - my Bad Omens hoodie - tied around my waist, I took in a hard breath.
"Alright." I squeaked out.
She led me carefully the few paces over to the table, moving behind me. I walked about four feet from them, likely looking pale as a ghost. I caught Folio's attention first, smiling awkwardly and giving a short wave.
"Hey! Can we help you guys?" His voice was upbeat and sweet as candy. Exactly how I expected.
"Hi." I cleared my throat, taking a careful step forward. My hands kneaded each other, and Nicole held a steady hand on my low back. "I'm s-so sorry to interrupt."
All heads had turned to me, and I didn't have the nerve to look to my left, where I knew Noah was sat.
"No worries!" Folio was smiling widely at me. "Are you guys fans?"
I nodded, looking down at my feet. "We are. We just saw you guys perform tonight, and I wanted to just-" My voice cut off abruptly, a catch in my throat. I swallowed hard. "We wanted to tell you how amazing you all were."
My eyes bounced to the other two men facing me. Nick Ruffilo and Matt Dierkes. They were both grinning.
"Thank you, that means a lot." Nick's voice was tired, but his smile was genuine.
Folio stood from his seat, pushing a hand out to me. "I'm Nick."
I took it with shaky fingers, feeling his grip mine tightly. "Folio, right."
He nodded. "And you are?"
Wow, I forgot my name. Smooth.
It took me a moment, but with a more certain voice, I was able to respond. "October." I let go of his hand to move to the side. "This is Nicole."
He shook her hand as well.
She smiled a toothy grin at him. "We flew from Las Vegas to see you guys."
Folio smiled wider. "Really? Wow! That's so fucking cool!"
Trying not to combust, I dared a glance slightly to the left, seeing Jolly and Bryan, who were both chewing food.
"I would introduce the rest of these guys, but I'm sure you already know who they are." Folio chuckled, and we both nodded.
"Yeah, we're familiar." I added.
"Well, that's great. Now, do you mind?"
The voice came directly from the left of me, where I had been avoiding. The tone made my blood run cold, and I felt all of my muscles tighten.
Finally, I looked over to meet his large, brown eyes. Noah looked anything but appreciative of us coming over to give our praise. In fact, he looked downright annoyed.
I couldn't process what he had said, and I stupidly asked, "Excuse me?"
He narrowed his eyes at me slightly, gesturing to the table. "Look, as much as we all appreciate it," His voice was dripping with disdain. "we're exhausted. We just want to eat so we can get out of here."
My heart had stopped beating. If I had anything in my stomach, it would have erupted out of me right then and there.
Maybe it was the jet-lag, or the fact that when I got home tomorrow, my life was actively in shambles, or maybe it was just being hungry...but I was enraged.
My hands balled into fists instinctively, trying to control my irritation, and I repainted my sweet smile.
"I'm sorry, we'll go. We just wanted to let you guys know you did great tonight. And you all are extremely talented."
He nodded, eyes now looking about as bored as they come.
"Great. Thanks." He snapped, turning his body back toward the table.
"Noah." Folio's voice was stern, and he turned back to me, an apologetic look on his face. "Don't mind him. He's cranky. You guys really aren't bothering us."
I heard the sound before I really registered what it was.
He sucked his teeth.
Oh, I see. He was a fucking child.
Now having lost all sense of nervousness, I could feel Nicole's hand tugging at my arm. "C'mon, babe."
I let myself be turned for a second, but my anger spun me back around, now facing directly toward him, which made him glance up at me like an inconvenience.
"You know," I started, sucking my own teeth in mockery. "you're not at all what I expected?"
He snickered, leaning back in his chair. "No?"
I shook my head slowly. "Nah. I expected someone with as much talent and success as you to be a decent person. Guess I was wrong."
Nicole's near silent gasp behind me was not lost, and I smirked.
"Well, sorry to disappoint, sweetheart." His voice was so nonchalant, it made my blood roar in my ears.
My hands twisted around the knot in my hoodie at my belt line, pulling it loose. I pulled it off with one hand, holding it out in front of me and let it go, leaving it to fall directly in his lap.
"Here." I caught him off guard, him looking up at me with wide eyes. "You probably want this back."
He picked it up, recognizing it was one of theirs. "Why would I want this?"
I smirked, a darkness in my eyes. "Well, you're pretty cold, Noah." I leaned down just to meet his eye level. "Might want something to warm you up before everyone realizes."
I heard a stifled snort come from the table, but I couldn't even begin to tell you who it was. Standing back up, I backed away from the table, and looked back at Folio.
"It was really nice to meet you guys. Have a safe night."
With that, I snatched Nicole's hand, and stalked away from the table, only pausing at the booth to grab my bag, before heading for the doors.
Once outside in the brisk night air, I took three large breaths, rounding the building and leaning down. My hands caught my knees, and Nicole stood in front of me.
"Holy shit!" She was nearly hysterical. "You just told off Noah Sebastian!"
Breathing hard, I fought the tears welling. It was too much all at once.
Was it that significant? No, not really. But after the year I'd been having, I couldn't handle that encounter at all.
"I want to leave. I want to go home."
"I know, babe. I'm sorry that went that way. I can't believe how much of a douche he was."
Shaking my head, I stood back up straight, wiping the moisture from my eyes. "Me either."
"Well," A voice came from behind us, and my eyes blew out, seeing him towering only a few feet away, hoodie in hand. "I don't know if I'd go as far to say douche."
My eyes squinted, jaw clicking. "I would."
He approached us slowly, holding the sweater out to me. "Take this. It's yours."
I held a hand up to him, shaking my head. "No, thanks."
He rolled his eyes. "You paid good money for this. And you made your point. Take it."
I considered him, counting my breaths. He was unmoving, so I reached out, gripping the fabric.
His foot kicked at the sidewalk, hands retreating into his sweater pockets. "Look, I'm sorry." I stood, shocked. "Folio's right. I'm just cranky. I haven't eaten all day, I'm tired. You just caught me on a bad moment."
My lips tightened, and I sighed hard. "So that makes it okay to be rude to someone who just wanted to tell you how great you were?"
His teeth chewed on the inside of his cheek. "I said I was sorry."
A hand touched my arm, and I looked back at Nicole, who gave me an amused smile. "Babe? I'm going to go back in. I'm also hungry."
I just nodded, letting her walk past the both of us.
He took two steps toward me slowly, eyes fixed on my face. "Nicole, right?" He asked, without taking his eyes off of me. She stopped short in her stride. "Pull a chair up to the table, dinner's on me tonight."
I caught the small smile on her lips before she continued her trek back into the restaurant.
"Well, you all enjoy that." And I turned, ready to get into the car, when I hand caught me by my purse. I stopped, looking back at him.
"Come eat."
Stitching my eyebrows together, I crossed my arms with my sweater between, considering him.
"Why?"
He shrugged. "Cause I was a douche."
I sat relatively silent at the table, munching slowly on the personal flatbread pizza I had ordered. It was one of the cheapest items on the menu, and I would be damned if I didn't somehow manage to slip him cash for it before we left.
Noah had loosened up substantially once he started eating. He was leaned back in his chair, flicking fries at Nick across the table, and participating in the conversations swirling around. Nicole, as she always did, melted into the group comfortably, sat next to Folio, and telling story after story of our trip and the festival.
"You guys seriously had to drive to an ATM to pay at the IHOP?" Nick asked incredulously.
"Yep. We sure did. The guy couldn't take card, and we felt bad. We could've just not come back, but that wouldn't be good karma."
I smiled at Nicole, the memory of two nights ago flooding in. An arm bumped mine, and I looked to my left to see Noah, eyes searching my face.
"You still mad at me?"
His voice was entirely different, soft as butter and warm like a fire. I smirked, leaning my elbows on the table.
"Haven't decided yet."
He nodded, sitting up so he was sat closer to me. "Yeah? Well, you shouldn't be."
Resting my chin on my hand, I gazed at him. "Why not?"
He smiled brightly. "Cause you came all this way to see me."
This made me snort, rolling my eyes. "Uh, no. I came all this way to see Bad Omens. Which I did."
"Why fly to Michigan? We were just in Vegas in April."
I nodded. "At Sick New World. I was there." He quirked an eyebrow. "Also at the show in October."
He looked confused. "So why come to Michigan?"
Shrugging my shoulders, I smiled a small grin. "Favorite band."
"We are?"
"Is that so hard to believe?"
He smiled, smug. "I mean, not really."
I laughed, leaning back from the table. I was wearing my hoodie now, having become chilly halfway through the meal.
"Bet I can guess your favorite song?"
My eyes darted to his face, amused. "Really?" He looked so sure of himself. "Go for it."
He pursed his lips and stroked his chin dramatically, like a Medium. I tried to hide my laughter.
"Just Pretend?"
Rolling my eyes, I shook my head. "You think I'm that basic?"
He chuckled. "Fair enough." He stared hard at me, trying to get a read. "Death of Peace of Mind?"
Nicole raised a hand. "That one's mine!"
Both of us glanced up at her, not realizing anyone else was listening. He turned back to me, still wracking his brain.
"Dethrone?"
I shook my head. "Nope."
"Nowhere To Go?"
"Nope, close third, though."
"Third?!"
I giggled, a blush flushing up my neck.
"Which album is it off of?"
"Nuh-uh, that's cheating."
He threw his hands up. "How is that cheating?"
I pursed my lips. "Second album."
"Limits?"
"Bingo."
He clapped his hands together in triumph. "Ha!" He pointed at me. "Knew I'd guess it."
Laughing, I pushed him with my arm. "Yeah, after you guessed half of your songs."
We both broke out in laughter, and it occurred to me that some of the other conversations had stopped. I caught Nick in the corner yawning hard, and my eyes met Nicole's. It was time.
"Well, Noah," I looked back at him. "thank you for the food. We should get going."
His lips downturned, but I was sure I was imagining it. "Oh," He looked back at the rest of the guys. "yeah, us too. Early morning."
I nodded, standing out of my chair, everyone else following suit.
As a group, we made our way out the door, pouring out onto the sidewalk. Nicole bid goodbye to the guys, and I did the same. We hugged them each separately, Noah being last.
I wasn't sure if hugging him was appropriate, given our encounter, so I just stood in front of him while everyone else headed for the cars.
"So," I let my lips turn up in a smile.
His face mimicked mine. "This was fun."
"It was. Despite how it started, it was really great meeting you, Noah."
"You too, October."
The bill in my hand was getting sweaty, so I stepped forward, pushing it toward him. His eyes looked down at my hand, and he put his hands up.
"Oh, no. Dinner was on me."
"Please take it, Noah."
He took a step back, as if what I was holding was poisonous. "Not a chance."
Scoffing, I stepped toward him, pulling my hand back. "I don't like people paying for me."
He pursed his lips. "I'm not taking money from you." I groaned, slipping the two twenties back in my pocket. "I will, however," He looked at me from under his lashes. "take your number, if that's okay?"
I froze, my mind stopping. "Oh, uh,"
He looked as though he may run in the opposite direction, eyes becoming panicked. "You don't have to. I totally get it."
"No, no. I can give it to you." His head snapped up to look at me. "I just, uh," My face fell to stare at the ground for a moment before I spoke. "I'm not really looking for..." I trailed off.
"Oh! No! I just had a lot of fun talking to you. Figured we could keep talking? Like, friends?" His smile was nervous, and it warmed me.
"Okay."
"He asked for your number?!" Nicole nearly screamed at the windshield as she drove us back to the hotel.
I cackled. "Yeah."
"And you gave it to him?!"
I didn't verbally respond, only dropped my head in my hands.
"Holy fuck!"
"He said he just wants to be friends."
"Oh, bullshit. He fucking liked you. I could tell he was into the attitude."
I gasped. "Not true!"
"So fucking true."
"No way, dude. He's Noah Sebastian. And I'm...me."
"You're fucking amazing, I don't know what you mean." Nicole looked nearly offended.
"I know. But he just wants to talk."
She smirked. "With his dick, maybe."
The shrieking laughter that exploded out of me was a mix of shock and hilarity at her comment.
"We'll know for sure if he texts you."
I sighed, leaning back in my seat. "We'll see."
As fried as my nerves were, nothing was stopping me from passing out the moment my head hit the pillow of the hotel room bed. I was absolutely cooked, ready to return back to my normal life.
I had received no messages before I knocked out, so I put it out of my head. It was a fun experience, and a sweet gesture of him to take my number, but I knew the likelihood of ever hearing from him again was so slim, it wasn’t worth hoping for.
He didn’t know me, and from what I knew about Noah Sebastian, he was an extremely private person. How did he know I wouldn’t give out his number or share our messages online? I would probably pause before I did anything if I were him.
When my eyes finally cracked open, the fog settled behind my eyes slowly evaporating, I saw Nicole sat up on her bed, looking down at her phone. I grunted, rolling onto my side and pulling the blankets up to my chin.
“What time is it?”
“Nine. We don’t have to leave for the airport for another hour.” She didn’t look up at me, but she smirked when she spoke.
I yawned, letting my eyes fall closed again. “I should go back to sleep, then.”
“You could.” She set her phone in her lap. “Or, you could check your phone.”
Snuggling deeper under the covers, I stretched my legs.
“He hasn’t texted me, dude.”
Nicole raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know. Your phone went off twice about half an hour ago.” She leaned back on her hands. “I already looked at the screen, and it wasn’t your Dad or…anyone else.” She spoke the last words carefully. I knew who she was referring to, and my chest squeezed at the idea.
My hand carefully reached onto the nightstand, gripping my phone. I pulled it in front of my face, tapping in the code, and letting it open. My messages icon showed two red notifications, which I opened hastily.
The messages came from an unknown number. When I opened the thread, my heart halted all its movements.
+17475558326: Hi.
+17475558326: It’s Noah.
My breathing picked back up, and I shot straight up in bed.
“Was it him?!” Nicole was bursting.
My eyes slipped over to look at her, my mouth fallen open. “It was.”
She squealed. “I can’t believe he texted you!”
My fingers shook while holding the phone, threatening to drop it in my lap. “What do I do?!”
“Fucking respond!”
I nodded, my thumbs hovering over the screen but freezing. “What do I say?!”
“Hi? I don’t fucking know?!” She looked amused. I was not.
Me: Good morning.
My finger hovered over the send button for a moment before I finally sent it. Instinctively, I tossed my phone on the bed, pulling my knees to my chest,
“Holy fuck, dude.”
She stood, walking over to my cell and checking the screen. “He’s already read it.”
“Give it.” I held my hand out, and she placed it in my palm.
His type bubble was already up. I took a second to save his name into my phone.
Noah: Sleep okay?
Was this real life?
Me: I did, how about you?
Noah must’ve had the chat open, because my message was read instantly and he started texting back quick.
Noah: Eh, yeah. Hotel beds aren’t my favorite.
Me: Me either. I was so tired, though.
I stood off the bed, stretching my arms over my head. Nicole had disappeared into the bathroom. I pulled my hoodie over my head, and looked at my messages again.
Noah: I’ll bet. You had a busy weekend. Excited to go home?
I thought about my response carefully.
Me: I am. I’m sure my kids are missing me almost as much as I miss them.
It shouldn’t be any big deal to admit that I’ve got kids casually, right? We’re just friends…
The thread indicated he read the messages, but it took him a full five minutes to start typing. My breath held what felt like the entire time, waiting for his text to come through.
Noah: How many kids?
My pulse raced, and I sat down on the edge of the bed.
Me: Two.
Noah: How old?
I raised an eyebrow.
Me: Why do you ask?
He responded slowly.
Noah: Just curious. Making conversation.
I sighed, now slightly concerned.
Me: 9 and 5.
Noah: Boys?
Me: Boy and a girl. My son is older.
Noah: Big brother, huh? Very cool. What’re their names?
I bit my lip, and Nicole was now stood next to the bed staring at me.
“What’s wrong?”
“I told him about my kids.”
She eyed me, confused. “And?”
“He’s asking about them.”
Quirking an eyebrow, she sat down next to me. “Are you not comfortable telling him? That’s a valid feeling, babe.” She put a hand on my knee. “You just met him.”
I nodded. “It’s just kind of…I don’t know, strange? Why would he care what my kid’s names are?”
She pursed her lips, staring down at my phone. “Maybe he’s trying to get to know you?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. Maybe I should just tell him?”
“It’s up to you, babe.”
I sent back a quick response.
Me: Michael and Willow
Noah: Nice.
I was brushing my teeth, so I didn’t immediately respond before his next text came in.
Noah: So, if you’ve got kids, does that mean you have a husband?
I scoffed, rolling my eyes.
Me: Don’t have to be married to have kids, Noah.
His text that came through almost made me spit my toothpaste all over the mirror.
Noah: Children out of wedlock?! Unacceptable!!
I cackled, and I knew Nicole was wondering, but she didn’t ask.
Me: What can I say? I’m a heathen.
I followed it up quickly.
Me: But, no. Not married. Their Dad is around, but we’re not together.
Noah: I see.
I sighed, not really sure where to go from here. Resolving to changing the subject, I was also packing up my things into my duffel to prepare for our journey to the airport.
Me: Anyway, enough about me. What’re you up to?
Noah: On the bus headed to Mansfield. We should be there in about an hour.
Me: Oh, that’s right. You play Inkcarceration tonight, right?
Noah: Yup. Surprised you won’t be there. 😜
I laughed out loud.
Me: Well, I can only stalk you so much. I have work tomorrow.
Noah: What do you do?
Me: I work for a law firm as a paralegal. It’s a mostly remote gig, so I work from home most days.
Nicole and I loaded our bags into the car, dropping our key cards off at the desk.
Noah: Oh that sounds fun.
Me: It’s not, but it pays the bills.
We made it to the rental car return, and I waited outside while Nicole dropped the keys in the box. We made our way into the airport, now having to pay full attention to the tasks at hand.
Check in, move through TSA, head to Starbucks, find gate.
Nicole had stopped at a gift shop that had an impressive bookstore inside, where I opted to go find seats at the gate. It wasn’t until I was settled in that I was able to check my phone again.
Noah: Well, what would you rather do for a living?
I chewed my bottom lip thinking about this.
Me: I don’t really know, honestly. Thats a tough question.
Me: I’d have to think on that.
Noah: Great, I expect a report back in 3-5 business days. 👍🏻
I cackled at the message, and Nicole sat next to me right as I did.
“Still texting the love of your life?”
I scoffed, locking my phone and looking at her. “Oh, stop. He’s just a guy.”
“Yeah, mhm, sure.” She opened her crispy new novel and began reading the first few pages, successfully ending the short conversation.
Noah: What time’s your flight?
Me: We board in about ten minutes.
Noah: Sweet. You’ll be home soon, you must be relieved.
Me: I am, but I hate flying…
Noah: Really? I’m the same way. It’s the worst.
Me: Any tips for me?
Noah: Depends. Is it the small spaces, or the fear of crashing?
Me: Crashing.
Noah: Oh, yeah…no. Can’t help you there. I have an insane irrational fear of being in a plane crash.
I audibly groaned, sinking into my seat.
Me: Awesome, thanks.
Noah: LOL you’ll be fine. It’ll be a smooth flight and you’ll be home to your kids in no time.
Noah: I usually blast music through the whole flight and just tune everything out.
Me: I’ll try that.
The call for our boarding came, so Nicole and I stood, headed for the line.
Me: We’re about to board. Talk later?
Noah: Yup. Fly safe. Text when you land.
Noah: If you want.
Smiling at my phone, I typed back swiftly.
Me: Will do.
Falling into my bed, I took a moment to stare up at the ceiling.
It was over. I was home. All that was left to do was gather myself, pick up my kids from their Dad, and return back to my regular life.
The thought consumed me. I only had an hour until I was due to pick them up, and as excited as I was to see my babies, I was absolutely floundering at the idea of seeing their Dad…
Things had not ended well between Sean and I. Earlier in the year, we had finally called it quits after nearly a decade. Although we tried hard to amicably end things, it just wasn’t in the cards for us. There was too much history and hurt to let it die peacefully.
I gave myself a few minutes to gather myself before I took my phone out, shooting him a quick text to let him know I’d be there at 5PM, as agreed.
Sean: K.
Sounds about right.
I then realized I had forgotten to text Noah, so I opened our thread.
Me: I got home okay. Did you make it to Ohio safely?
Heading for the backyard to let my dog, Steve, out to use the bathroom, I sat at the table, staring out at the grass.
My phone chimed.
Noah: Nope. Bus crashed. Fiery mess. Blood everywhere.
I smirked.
Me: Damn. RIP.
Noah: We’re at the festival, just hanging for now. We’ve got about an hour before they set up the stage.
Me: Same setlist from last night?
Noah: Probably. We haven’t taken the time to make a new one.
I sighed, making my way back into the house and moving around the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.
Me: You should.
Noah: Yeah, how so?
Thinking for a moment, I leaned against the counter, and typed on the screen.
Me: Maybe add in something different? Something you haven’t played in a long time?
Noah: Such as…?
I snorted.
Me: Isn’t that your job to decide?
Noah: You can tell me, as a listener, what you’d want to hear.
Noah: What’s your favorite song off the first album?
Me: The Fountain, but that’s too slow.
Noah: I doubt I even know the words to that anymore, dude.
Me: Exit Wounds?
Noah: Meh.
Me: OMG…
Noah: What else?
Me: Worst In Me?
Noah: Hate that song.
Me: Jesus actual Christ.
Noah: Second album? Other than Limits?
Me: Burning Out?
Noah: …
Noah: That might not be a bad one…
Me: Oop?
Noah: I’ve got to talk to Nick. I don’t have a lot of time. I’ll text you later?
Me: Yup. Have a great show!
Noah: That you should be at…
I ignored his last message, sipping my coffee, and steadying myself. He was a little flirty, sure. It didn’t mean my heart didn’t jump each time he did it.
My knuckles tapped the door, and I was greeted by my son Michael, his smile huge.
“Mom!” He rushed me, wrapping his arms around my waist.
“Hey baby!” I knelt down, pulling him into a tight squeeze.
Behind him, inside the house, my daughter came running as well. “Mama!”
I pulled an arm open for her, encapsulating them both. “Ugh, I missed you guys so hard.”
Letting them loose, I noticed they already had their backpacks on.
“Where’s your Dad?” I looked around inside the apartment, but Michael just waved a hand.
“In his room. He told me to tell you he’ll see you next week.” He was so nonchalant, and although I knew it was forced, I was thoroughly impressed at how strong my young man had been throughout this difficult process.
Silently, I thanked the universe that Sean and I didn’t have to come face to face, and we made our way out of the apartment and down the stairs.
“How was Mushygen?” Willow asked, and I laughed at her pronunciation.
“Michigan was good. Auntie and I had fun, but I’m so glad to be home with you both.” I buckled her in the back of my minivan while Michael climbed in his seat next to hers.
“Did you get to meet any cool bands?” He asked me.
This made me smile as I slid into my seat, starting the vehicle.
“I did. I actually got to meet my favorite band.”
“Bad Omens?!” His voice cracked, and I smiled bigger.
“Yes! We ran into them at a restaurant last night!”
“What were they like?” He was curious, being a bit of a fan himself.
“Super nice, really cool guys.” I skipped over mine and Noah’s introductory debacle.
“That’s so cool, Mom!” Willow chirped from her seat.
“How was your weekend at Dad’s?” I asked them.
They proceeded to give me the full rundown of their three days with their father. They went to the park, out to dinner, but mostly stayed in at the apartment, given how hot it was. They couldn’t wait to go back next weekend.
Sean was a lot of things, but I’d never lie and say he wasn’t a good father to his kids.
Once back at home, I began working on dinner. Spaghetti, per the children’s request. After dinner were baths/showers, two hours of hangout time, before they had to go to bed. It was summer, so bedtime was midnight.
About 8:30PM, while I was sat on my Chaise lounger curled up with Willow watching Inside Out, my phone buzzed next to me.
Noah: That was a good choice. Turns out, a lot of people know that song.
Me: I’m glad it went well! Did the rest of the set go smoothly?
Noah: Sure did. It was tiring, and I’m ready to go home. But festivals are fun.
Me: When do you head back home?
Noah: Tonight. We’ve got stuff coming up on Thursday, so we’ve got to get going ASAP. Takes three days to make it back to LA.
I felt Willow shift next to me, and I noticed she was snoozing comfortably. It was already after 9PM, so I decided it was time to carry her into her room.
Laying her small body in bed and tucking her pale pink blanket over her, I left her with a kiss on the forehead and turned on her nightlight.
When I made it back to my spot, I flipped to SVU, and responded to his text.
Me: That’s a long drive. I don’t envy you.
Noah: You’ve got work tomorrow, I don’t envy you.
Smiling, I leaned back in my seat and covered up with my throw blanket.
Me: Fair enough.
The days passed tediously. Two weeks had gone by since I came home from Michigan. Every day, like clockwork, Noah texted me. Not the entire day, but most of it. We talked about a lot. My job. His music. Our favorite movies. Favorite places. Our hobbies. Our tattoos.
I was working in-office today, smiling at my phone because of the messages we were exchanging.
Noah: How big is it?
Me: Hip to knee.
Noah: WOAH.
I smirked. I was referring to a tattoo of an octopus I have on my left thigh.
Noah: Pic?
Me: I don’t have any off hand.
The flirting had been mild at best, but once in a while, he would say something suggestive, and it made me smile. Still, I would typically change the subject.
Noah: Damn. I’ll just have to see it in person.
This made my stomach twirl. In person? Throughout these last couple weeks, at no point had we discussed meeting in person again. I mean, it was possible, I’m sure. But it hadn’t really registered as a possibility.
While talking to Noah over text only, it almost made the entire experience feel unreal.
Me: I don’t remember seeing any Vegas tour dates on your website, sir.
His text took a few to come through.
Noah: Sir…?
Whoops. Maybe that was a bad move.
Noah: Vegas isn’t far. And didn’t you say you’re going to be in LA in September?
Chewing the skin off of my lip, I clutched my phone.
Me: To see Falling in Reverse and Black Veil Brides.
Noah: Maybe I could go.
Me: I didn’t think you listened to them?
Noah: Not so much, but if you’re going to be there, I think it could be fun.
That made my insides twist. He wanted to see me?
Me: Well, guess I’ll see you there, then?
After work, I dropped the kids at Sean’s. He had requested we do contactless drop off now, to try and avoid any arguments…like my children were a fucking Uber delivery.
He would stand outside, I’d let them out of the car, and they’d walk up to the apartment. It was fucking childish, but I didn’t argue. I had no energy left for Sean anymore. He had taken it all.
At home, I began the process of decompressing for the week, still fuming over my ex’s immaturity. First order of business was to uncork my Rosé, and fill my tallest glass.
I stood at the counter, heels kicked off to the floor of the kitchen, and chugged a few gulps of the drink.
My phone began chiming in my bag, and I fished it out. Someone was FaceTiming me?
Noah…
Noah was FaceTiming me?
I swiped the call open, not bothering to check my appearance first, and his face looked back at me. He was sitting at a desk, bed behind him, wearing a t-shirt and his hair was messy.
“Hey.” I said, apprehensive.
“Hey, sorry, is this a bad time?”
I shook my head, taking another long pull from my glass. “Not at all. Just got home from dropping the kids off.” My tone contradicted my words, my agitation still leaking in.
“You sure? Lookin’ a little stressed there, October.”
I snorted, propping my phone against the stove, and refilling my glass.
“Long day. What’s up?”
He sat back in his chair, hands folded over his chest. “Just wanted to see you.”
My fingers gripped the counter. “You did?”
“Yeah, texting gets old.”
I nodded. “It does.”
“Want to talk about your day?”
I groaned, the alcohol already softening the edges of my brain slightly. “You don’t even want to know.”
He pursed his lips. “Try me?”
Waving a hand in front of me, I swallowed the last of my second glass. “It’s just my children’s father being a dick. Nothing new.”
Lifting a brow, he cocked his head to the side. “What’d he do?”
As messy as ever, I poured a third and final glass, emptying the bottle, and dropping it in the trash can. Lifting my hand to my hair, I pulled the clip loose, shaking my hair out.
“He asked for contactless delivery with the kids.” I said as I lifted the glass to my lips.
He looked taken back. “Like…a pizza?”
“That’s what I said!” I shook my head. “He’s a fucking coward. He can’t even fucking face me without being an asshole.”
“Then maybe it’s better you don’t see each other?”
Shrugging, I ran a hand through my hair. “Fuck, probably.”
Looking at him, I noticed he was walking now, phone in hand.
“Anyway, fuck that guy. How was your day?”
He set the phone back down, and he was clearly in his kitchen. “Uneventful. Played with some beats. Caught up on some of the shows I’d been missing.”
I walked to my room, pulling a t-shirt from the hanger. “I’m going to set you down a sec so I can change.”
He just nodded. “Should I make pasta or tacos for dinner?”
I shouted at the phone as I pulled my shirt over my head and slipped my pants off. “Pasta, always pasta.”
Satisfied, he began pulling items from the cabinet.
“Oh, Noah!” I stood, only in my shirt covering my underwear. He turned to look at me as I lifted the phone. “Did you want to see the tattoo now?”
He padded back to where his phone was at, and leaned down close to the screen. I set my phone on my dresser and stepped backward to get myself in the frame. Feeling sheepish, I carefully worked to only show my ink, and not my crotch.
“Hmm,” He mused. “Cant see it. Better take the shirt off too.”
My eyes rolled, and I grabbed the phone. “Perv.”
He snickered, smiling at me. “What? Beautiful tattoo on a beautiful woman? Can you blame me?”
My cheeks reddened, and I quickly slipped my sweats on. “Guess not.”
He placed a pot of water on the stove to boil, and stepped back, twirling a wooden spoon in his hand. His eyes considered me as I moved back into the kitchen to start working on my own meal.
“Can I ask you something, October?”
Distractedly, melting some butter, scallions, and garlic in a pan, I responded. “Sure.”
“When I asked you for your number, back in Michigan, you acted like you weren’t looking to date anyone.”
My eyes shot over to the phone, my hand stopping its stirring. “Mhm…”
“That’s true? You’re not looking to date?”
Trying to concentrate on my task, I added the cream to the roux I had made. “Not right now, why?”
He shrugged his shoulders, dropping his pasta in the boiling pot. “Curious.”
“Yeah? Cause that’s a super pointed question for just curiosity.”
He smiled to himself, not looking at the camera. “Alright, maybe I’m a little more than curious.”
I turned my full attention to him, adding Parmesan to my Alfredo base. “What’s ’a little more than curious’?”
He looked at me then, eyes piercing me. “Interested?”
Death. That’s what I felt right then. Heart rate explosive, mind racing, eye twitching. No words can describe the feeling when someone as unbelievable as Noah Sebastian tells you they’re interested…
“Y-You’re…interested?”
He nodded slowly, stirring his pot. “I am.”
Stuttering like a cat, I nearly dropped my spoon. “Why?” I managed to choke out.
His face was bewildered. “Why not?”
Biting my lip hard enough to draw blood, I nearly let my sauce boil over.
“Uh,” I moved the pan from the burner and poured my pasta in the water. “I mean, it’s a valid question.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Noah…” I sighed hard, scrubbing a hand over my face. “Have you seen you?”
“A few times.” He laughed as he strained his noodles. “And?”
“I’m not,” I pointed toward him. “that.”
“A dude? Yeah, I didn’t think so but I didn’t exactly want to ask.”
I narrowed my eyes, smirking. “Smart ass.”
“I don’t see the confusion here.”
“You’re being willfully ignorant.” I raised my eyebrows at him.
“How so?” He answered as he threw butter and seasonings into the pot.
Sucking my teeth, I rolled my eyes. “Noah, you’re an actual rockstar.”
“Kay, and?”
“And I’m a normal person.”
“I’m sorry,” He held up the spoon that was scooping noodles into a bowl. “Am I not?”
“I have kids. A job. Baggage. We live in different states. You’re,” I gestured to him again. “far out of my league.”
He shook his head. “I disagree.”
He moved to his table, propping me up on something I couldn’t see.
“Well, you’re wrong.”
He shoveled food into his mouth, taking a moment to chew. I strained my own pasta.
“How do you figure? You’re funny, interesting, fiery, beautiful…”
My throat went dry.
“What’s the issue?”
Putting my pasta together and getting it onto a plate, I walked over to my own table. “You’re forgetting the baggage part.”
He waved a hand. “You’ve got kids. So what?”
I dropped my fork. “So what?”
He rolled his eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean, what’s the big deal?”
“Uhh,” I drawled. “you don’t? And probably don’t need that in your life right now.” I sighed. “Or someone who has them. They’re always first priority.”
Nodding, he continued eating. “As they should be.”
Biting into my food, I stared at him, no words coming to mind.
“Look,” He set his fork down. “I’m not saying I want to marry you.” I choked at the word. “I just like you.”
My eyes widened, my jaw stopping mid-chew.
“I just want to take you on a date or something. See how it goes when I’m not super cranky.” He smirked.
Oh God. It was so enthralling, hearing the words come out of his mouth…
The temptation was strong.
But…
“I can’t, Noah.”
He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. “No?”
My head hung in frustration.
“I like you, too. A lot. But,” I pushed my plate away, suddenly losing all of my appetite. “I’m still dealing with a lot. I’m trying to get back to a sense of normalcy here. Sean just moved out three months ago. My kids are my entire life. I feel like I’m living in a storm at all times. I’ve got to get a handle on that for now.”
He was silent as I spoke, and I knew I had blown it.
“Are you mad?”
His tongue rolled around in his mouth before he spoke. “No. I won’t lie, I’m disappointed, but your reasoning is valid. I respect that.”
A man? Respecting me? Wild concept.
“I understand if you don’t want to talk anymore.”
He looked perplexed, taking a drink from his water bottle. “Why would I want that?”
I didn’t verbally respond, I just stared at him.
“I like you for more than a date, October. I like talking to you. If it’s alright with you, I’d like to keep doing that.”
My face warmed, and I couldn’t stop the smile spreading. “I’d like that, too.”
“Alright.” He slapped a hand on the table. “That settles that. We’ll stay friends.” He picked his fork back up and kept eating.
I almost didn’t catch the last words come out of his mouth.
Here we are, folks. The long, highly anticipated Part 2 of Can You Feel My Heart...
I told you all I had a surprise for you, didn't I? Well, naturally, I wasn't lying.
This piece of work was actually not written by me...
Rather, it was written by the Smut Master herself, @notyourmomsromancenovel.
After much discussion and careful consideration, we decided this story is going to be a series with an undetermined number of parts, every chapter bouncing between her and I. I'm going to warn you now, friends, we're going to get dark with this one...
Now, without further ado...we sincerely hope you enjoy.
xo
-Glass & Romance
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: angst, crime?, smut, rough sex, bondage, kinks (slapping, choking, etc.), mild violence, gut wrenching fuckery that will have your jaw on the table.
I hope I got everyone on the taglist, but if I missed you - let me know!
Silence Speaks
The toothbrush fell from my open mouth and clattered in the sink loudly. I frantically hung up and tried the call again, fingers shaking as I held the phone to my ear.
“The number you have reached is not in service. If you feel you have reached this message in error, please hang up and try your call again.”
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This can’t be right.
I thought back to our night together. The confession he made about his feelings toward me. The sex. Falling asleep together. The way he whispered to me as I fell asleep. Nothing about this is adding up.
I take a deep breath, close my eyes and try to clear the panic that is threatening to close in on me. I can feel my fingertips start to tingle, my ears are starting to ring. It feels like I can’t breathe and I know I’m on my way to a full blown panic attack if I don’t calm the fuck down. In through the nose, out through the mouth. One breath at a time. I can do this.
What the actual fuck is happening here?
My eyes fly open as I remember the last thing I heard Noah say as I drifted into unconsciousness.
“I’m so sorry. I wish things were different…”
I feel the bile make its way up my esophagus leaving me just seconds to make it over the toilet before I’m throwing up what little I could get down after the concert last night. Tears sting my eyes as I heave over and over again, with nothing left in my stomach but dead butterflies.
I lay my head against the cool toilet seat as I spit the last of the vomit from my mouth. Tears flow freely into the water, snot leaks continuously from my nose and I don’t even bother trying to clean myself up yet.
What’s the point anyway? What’s the point of anything?
My mind spirals to a dark place, wishing to be anyone but me. Losing Noah the first time was hard and took me years to recover from, and that was before he admitted he loved me.
This time...
This time might kill me.
I hear my phone start to ring and my heartbeat picks up thinking it’s Noah. He’s got an explanation for why his phone was turned off, maybe a crazy fan got ahold of his number and he had to change it so he just got a new one. I scramble away from the toilet over to the corner, where my phone landed in my haste to not get vomit all over my bathroom sink.
A picture of a smiling Ray and me at Knott’s Scary Farm last year looks up at me, and I think I might throw up again.
I let the call go to voicemail and sit on the ground, knees drawn up to my chest, arms wrapped around them, and lay my head down. I feel numb, light, like time means nothing anymore.
I hear a text notification come through once, twice, and then another phone call. As soon as that phone call ends, a text comes through again.
I groan and pick my phone up, intending to turn it off and pretend I don’t exist. I’ve been sitting like this for twenty minutes already, and I have no intention of moving any time soon.
As I swipe down the notification bar to power off my phone, I see the texts from Ray.
Ray: Hey babe, you good? You don’t usually call like that without saying something first.
Ten minutes later.
Ray: Babe? Raccoon if you’re alive or I’m going to show up at the house. I’m worried and I know you’re not asleep.
Ten more minutes before the final phone call and the last text.
Ray: Mkay well I’m on my way, see you in 15.”
I lean my head back against the cool wall. Fuck. How do I get Ray not to come home? I shoot her a quick text.
Me: Hey babe, I’m good. I think I might be coming down with something though, I don’t think you should come home. I’ll text you later.
My phone starts to ring and I see the picture of me and Ray. Double fuck. I fight for my life to sound semi-normal as I answer the phone.
“Hey.”
Not doing great so far.
I hear Ray scoff into her headphones, “Yeah, that’s real convincing. Here’s the deal, I’m already on my way so you can fuck right off with your sick act. We’re practically soul mates and I know something is up. Unlock the door so I don’t waste time with the key. I’ll see you in 10.”
I don’t even get a chance to respond before she hangs up. There’s no chance in hell I can hide this from Ray once she’s here. I’m going to break down the second she walks through the door, so I send her a text.
Me: Bring the Stella Black and some ice cream.
Almost immediately, I get a response,
Ray: Bringing the shovel too.
I almost smile.
I get up and unlock the door, returning to the bathroom to brush my teeth for the second time this morning while I wait for Ray to get here.
Two big bottles of Stella Black, a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food, a pint of Rainbow Sherbet and an entire box of Kleenex later, and Ray was caught up. We sat in silence now on my couch watching Scream, the original. 'Something happy' she said as she put it on. I was barely paying attention.
By the time we learned Billy Loomis and Stu Macher were the killers and I hadn’t laughed once or mimicked the way the actors were saying things, Ray turned it off with a sigh. She turned to me and took one of my hands in hers.
“Babe,” She started. I looked at her as she continued. “I know this sucks, I mean really fucking sucks, but you have two options here.”
I just blinked in response.
“You can let this consume you - eat you alive like you did before. Or you could enter your villain era. Show him what he walked away from, what he’s been missing out on all these years. Fuck him and his band.”
“My villain era?” I questioned.
Ray smiled. “It’s not like we don’t know when he’ll be here again, or when he’ll be close. We can show up at his show and...I don’t know, throw tomatoes at him or something. Or boo him when he comes on stage? That would make you feel better, right?”
The gears in my head started turning. A villain era might be nice. A little side of crazy to keep him guessing. Show him that he fucked me over and used me for sex for the last time.
I felt a smile spread across my face as I answered. “Yeah, I think that would make me feel better, babe.”
As long as things didn’t get out of hand.
Seven months is a long time to plan revenge when you think about it. It gives you plenty of time to plot, come up with ideas, change them, scrap them for new ones, all in the hopes of executing the perfect way to get back at someone. And I have it now. Once I was done with Noah, he’d never even think of anyone but me.
This was how I made him pay for his actions.
Unfortunately, there had to be some collateral. Tyler and I split the day after Noah left. I confessed immediately to cheating on him and I was so numb from the after effects of Noah’s departure, I didn’t even have it in me to cry over Tyler. Watching him quietly sob while processing my infidelity should have broken me, but I had nothing left in me, at the time, to offer him the reaction he deserved. I should have had more remorse. More tact. Shouldn’t have been so blunt.
“I fucked Noah Sebastian.”
No apologies, no tears. Just stating facts.
“Y/N, we should talk about this.”
I sat staring at him without saying another word until he left.
Tyler never spoke to me again, not that I can blame him. He wouldn’t like what I was planning anyway.
Sitting at a hotel across the country in New Mexico, I wondered if I was really doing this. I took a deep breath, in through the nose, out through the mouth. There was no backing out now. Hotels were already booked, tickets were bought. New Mexico, then Arizona, followed by Oklahoma, and ending with Texas. Five shows. Four cities. That would be plenty to get my point across. I thought about going to Sick New World in Las Vegas, but tickets were pricier than I would have liked and a festival didn’t have the same intimacy I was looking for.
I checked my phone to see a message from Raylene.
Ray: Hey babe, just checking in. Let me know you made it to your mom’s!
I sent back a quick -
Me: Made it! The flight took a lot out of me, I’m gonna crash for the night, I love you.
It was way too early for bed, but not if you factored in being jet lagged like I claimed. Besides, I wasn’t going to bed, and I wasn’t at my mom’s in Florida. I was in Albuquerque getting ready to head out to the first concert to enact the revenge I so desperately needed. I felt a quick stab of panic for not telling Ray what I was doing, or where I really was.
What if something happened to me? I was alone in an unfamiliar city, after all. I swallowed the panic as I had every time I thought of these moments the last seven months, and instead I focused on the rage I had for Noah. I focused on making him pay for all the hurt he caused.
Doors were at 6PM with I See Stars starting at 7 as the opening act. After their set, Invent Animate would play theirs. I figured I had about three hours from the time doors opened to Bad Omens going on stage.
Easy enough.
I waited out in the lot in my rental car as I watched the crowd start to go inside when they opened the doors. Minutes ticked by as the crowd got smaller and smaller. Soon, there were only a few stragglers left as late comers hurried to enter the venue before the bands went on.
It’s now or never.
I glanced over to the fenced area that contained the buses for the bands. No security. Perfect. A small venue like this probably didn’t have the manpower to house security outside as well as inside for the concert. I double checked the alarm I had set on my phone and got out of the car before I could change my mind.
I walked as quickly as I could over to the side of the building where the buses sat while trying not to draw any extra attention to myself. Getting over the fence was the hardest part, but I managed with just a couple of muttered cuss words. Spotting the bus for Bad Omens was easy, as it was the biggest one there.
“Show offs.” I muttered under my breath and walked at a brisk pace to close the gap between me and the bus.
I shrugged the backpack I carried off and placed it on the floor, crouching next to it and looking both directions before unzipping it, pulling out my first weapon of choice; spray paint.
Red, of course.
I shook the canister, willing the can to stay quiet and began spraying the side of the bus. Letter by letter, I covered one whole side of the bus in spray paint. Once I finished the sentence, I stood back to get a good look.
My heart was racing with adrenaline, and I could feel the maniacal grin plastered on my face.
NOAH SEBASTIAN IS AN ASSHOLE
Childish? Sure. Satisfying? Fuck yes.
Up next, the inside.
I walked up to the door of the bus and tried it. Unlocked. 'Cocky', I thought.
I made my way up the steps and closed the door behind me. I froze in my spot, awe-struck by the luxury this bus had.
It was a shame I was going to ruin it.
I reached in my backpack and grabbed another can of spray paint; black. I looked around. Driver’s seat to my right. Nothing to really do there. To my left was the living area with a pull out couch, a loveseat, a coffee table, and a TV. Just past that was the kitchen area which had a fridge, stove top, microwave, and dining table. Beyond that, behind a closed door, were what I assumed to be the bedrooms and bathroom. I’d save those for last.
The spray paint got used up first. Black and red X’s painted various parts of the living space. A couple of 'FUCK YOU’s were written on the fridge and the TV. I pulled out my pocket knife next and went to town on the couch and loveseat, gouging holes in them, stabbing them dozens of times each. It was gratifying, watching the stuffing fly around as I unleashed all of the pent up aggression I had for Noah on these inanimate objects.
I took a deep breath and admired my handiwork so far, noting the destruction the boys would walk into after their show. I might have gotten carried away as the TV lay broken on the floor, but the end result was the same. I was starting to feel better.
I made my way toward the back of the bus and opened the door leading to the bedrooms. It was easy to tell which was Noah’s, the last one on the right with the Bring Me The Horizon posters lining the walls above his bed. I knew I was running out of time so I wouldn’t be able to savor this as much as I’d like, but it was more important than everything else that I get this done, so I would get it done as fast as I could.
Just as I stepped into the room, I heard footsteps stomping on the stairs to the bus, and the doorknob began to turn. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest as I closed Noah’s door quickly behind me and dove under the bed.
“What the fuck?!” I heard Noah’s voice scream as it echoed throughout the bus.
Folio wasn’t far behind as he said, “Noah hurry up we’re about to go-” His voice cut off as he stepped onto the bus. “What the fuck?!”
Nick’s voice carried from outside as he chuckled, “What are we what the fuck-ing?” Followed quickly by, “Oh, what the fuck?!”
I guess they must have missed the writing on the outside of the bus with the sun having set, making the inside of the bus the first thing they saw that I had done.
I was panicking. This was not supposed to happen. I was going to be out of here thirty minutes before they went on, and no one would ever know it was me. Trying not to hyperventilate as I hid under the bed became my biggest priority. I had to focus on calming down because I couldn’t hear the boys over the sound of my own blood rushing through my veins. Deep breaths, slowly. In through the nose, out through the mouth.
Their voices came back as I began to get control of my breathing.
“... would do such a thing?” Nick asked incredulously.
“.... call the cops.” Folio was saying over Nick.
The two of them continued talking over each other before Noah shushed them. “Did either of you or Jolly leave the door to the rooms open?”
Oh, fuck.
Everything got deathly quiet. My heart was beating loud enough that I’m sure all of them could hear it at this point.
I could hear their footfalls getting closer to the hallway. The door to the far left was flung open, banging against the wall. A moment of silence passed as I assumed Jolly’s room was cleared. The door next to it, next to Noah’s, crashed against the wall as one of the boys opened it harshly. Another beat of silence as they cleared Nick and Folio’s room. Noah’s room was next. I knew I had mere moments before that door crashed open and they found me in here.
My fingers began to tingle. My breath came in short gasps. I could feel my heartbeat in every inch of my body. The door slowly opened. The boys knew this was the last room. If anyone was still on the bus, they were in here.
Double fuck.
I could see two pairs of shoes clearly from my position under the bed. Noah’s Converse at the front, Nick’s combat boots right beside him, and beyond them I could make out Folio’s Docs. They took slow, deliberate steps into the room, making sure there was no one to be found. I was seconds away from giving myself away before they ever even got the chance to see me. I held my breath, trying to slow my heartbeat that I just knew was echoing throughout the bus.
“Hey guys,” Folio whispered from the doorway. “I know you’re obviously in the middle of something, but we have to go. We need to get ready on stage. We’re going on in about thirty minutes.”
Noah cursed under his breath as he gave up his search before getting the chance to check under the bed. He let Nick walk ahead of him as both of them turned to leave the room.
Oh thank fuck.
Saved by the bell. I never thought I’d be so happy to know they were about to go on stage. Now I just needed to wait until they got off the bus and were heading into the venue before I got the fuck out of here.
The door began to close behind Noah as I thought about what Folio had just said. They had to be on in about thirty minutes.
I’m so fucked.
No sooner had the thought crossed my mind, my alarm began to blare out of my phone signaling it was 8:30PM.
In a panic, I tried to silence my phone before they heard it, scrambling to get it out of my jeans pocket and hit the snooze button. I was so busy trying to quell the noise, I didn’t hear the door open again, nor did I hear Noah crouch down in front of the bed. And I certainly was taken off guard when he grabbed a handful of my hair and began to pull me out from underneath his bed.
I dropped my phone, alarm still going off, and grasped at his hand in my hair, trying to get some reprieve from the pressure. I sucked in air through my teeth at the pain, and tried to gain traction with my shoes against the carpeted floor to delay the inevitable. After a few moments of struggling, Noah was able to get my head and arms out from under the bed. As if on cue, Nick and Folio each grabbed one of my hands and pulled me the rest of the way out.
Once I was fully out from underneath the bed, Noah snatched me up onto my feet by my hair. He looked at me with anger, followed quickly by recognition, then confusion, before settling back on anger.
He let go of my hair just long enough to grip my neck and throw me against his wall. “Y/N?! What the actual fuck?!”
I wrapped my hands around his wrist as his fingers dug into my throat, uselessly trying to get some air.
Folio placed a hand on Noah’s shoulder, “Hey man,” He started. “You've got to let her breathe.”
Noah’s hand loosened just enough for me to gasp in a breath of air that ended in a sharp cough. “You can breathe, so you can talk. I’ll ask again. What the actual fuck?”
Noah’s voice was calm, low, deadly. I’d never seen him like this, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of talking, not when he couldn’t give me the satisfaction of an answer to his transgressions. Instead, I just stared defiantly at him.
“Fuck, man,” Nick said, hands running through his hair. “We've got to go dude. Like, we've really got to go.”
“Cancel it.” Noah didn’t even glance back at Nick as he said it.
Nick physically flinched at the tone of Noah’s voice.
Folio tried next. “Noah, seriously. We can’t cancel less than thirty minutes before the show. We have to go.”
I wasn’t sure if they were trying to convince him to leave for their benefit or mine, but I was grateful either way. The look in Noah’s eyes was terrifying, but it was also causing heat to pool low in my abdomen, and I had no interest in unpacking that feeling, so I needed him to let me go and leave.
As if he could read my mind, he sighed and turned back to Nick and Folio. “Fine.”
I could have cried.
“Grab me the rope from the utility closet. We’ll make her nice and comfortable, and then we’ll go play our show.” Noah looked back at me. “She can answer my questions when we’re done.”
Well, fuck.
An hour and a half passed while I sat there tied up. The longest hour and a half of my life. I assumed they would be back quicker, but apparently having a hostage tied up wasn’t a good enough reason to hurry things along.
I was laying on Noah’s bed, wrists zip tied together with rope connecting the zip ties to the bed. My feet were spread, each being tied to one metal post by rope. Of course, Noah got sick of me mouthing off about what a dick he was so there was a bandana in my mouth, tied around the back of my head.
“You’re so pretty when you’re bound and gagged.” Noah had whispered into my hair as he finished tying the knot behind my head.
I had shuddered, and I’d like to think it was from revulsion, but my body had other ideas.
That was then, though. Me and my body were on the same wavelength now. We were pissed. He had kept me here for far too long. I was irritated, my wrists were sore, and I had to pee. I swear the people being kidnapped in the movies never have to pee.
I had half a mind to wet myself in Noah’s bed, just to see his reaction when he came back. I had almost talked myself into it when I heard the bedroom door open.
Looking over, Noah stood silhouetted in the doorway, one hand on the doorknob and the other on the door frame. He looked out of breath, chest heaving rhythmically. I just glared at him.
“Oh good, you’re still here.” He smirked. “I’m going to go take a shower. Wash the funk of the show off me. Then, we’ll talk.”
I was screaming beyond my gag, which was pointless as he had already shut the door and started the shower. What an insufferable asshole. Being riled up again made me completely forget about my full bladder as I thrashed around, which really only made things worse for me.
By the time Noah emerged again, shoulder length hair dripping onto his shirtless chest and a towel wrapped around his lower half, I was exhausted. My wrists were throbbing, my throat hurt, my mouth was dry, and my ankles were starting to burn from where the rope rubbed them. He looked like a pornstar, and I looked like a mess.
I watched Noah reach into his dresser to grab a pair of gray sweatpants and a black tank top. Then, he turned and faced me, and dropped his towel.
I wish I could tell you I looked away - or at the very least closed my eyes - but I didn’t. My gaze quickly fell to the towel as it came unraveled from around his waist, and then locked intently at what it was covering.
As if he had all the time in the world, Noah bent forward and slowly began to put on his sweatpants, and I followed his every move until he tucked himself inside of them. His shirt was on much quicker, but I couldn’t help but notice how much drier my mouth seemed after watching his arms flex as he pulled it over his head.
Noah slowly prowled towards me, a fire blazing in his eyes, and I couldn’t tell if it was lust or hatred that was behind them.
Once he reached the bed, he dropped to his knees beside me and untied the bandana from behind my head, letting his fingers graze my cheeks as he removed it from my mouth.
“Are you ready to talk?”
“Go fuck yourself, Detective Asshole.” I spit. “This isn’t an interrogation for me. It should be one for you.”
Noah looked amused at my remark. “For me? I didn’t realize I was the one that had broken into my own tour bus and vandalized it. You realize you caused tens of thousands of dollars in damages right?”
I had realized that, but hearing it said out loud made me feel small. “I’m aware of what I did, Noah, but are you?”
“Tell me, Y/N, what did I do?”
All those months of anger, all those months of planning, all the pain - it came down to this right here, this confrontation. It wasn’t happening as I had expected it to, but I’d take what I could get.
Just as I had begun to formulate my verbal attack against him, tears welled in my eyes, and the first word I tried to say turned into a sob.
Noah’s face fell. The hardened criminal persona I had tried to portray crumbled as the hurt he had caused washed over me.
“You...” I had to pause as the sobs wracked my body. “You left me, Noah. You broke my heart. Not just once, but twice. You broke my soul. Shattered it and left me in pieces. And then you came back into my life, just to give me a second of hope. Of happiness. And then you stole it away. You took everything I had to live for. You took every chance I ever had of loving anyone ever again. You were it for me, Noah. The only thing that kept me going day in and day out, and losing you the first time, I had to learn to live with only half of me.”
Tears flowed silently down my face as I continued. “Leaving me the last time? You took the rest of me with you. The damage I’ve caused to your bus is the smallest glimpse of the pain you’ve caused me. It doesn’t even scratch the surface, and you deserve so much more for what you’ve done!”
I watched as tears tracked lines down Noah’s face. I watched as the fire he had when he came into the room was smothered. I watched as the boy I fell in love with, the one I knew all those years ago, resurfaced. Gone was the hardened Noah Sebastian. This, this was Noah Davis; the love of my life, my soul mate, my reason for being. And I watched as he crumbled as he realized how badly he had hurt me.
“Y/N, you don’t understand.” He started, choking up and having to clear his throat as he continued. “I had to.”
“You didn’t have to do anything, Noah.” I couldn’t back down now. “You could have let me in! You could have let me love you. You could have done anything except fuck me over, but you’re selfish and it’s all you know how to do. All you’ve ever done is shut out anyone who got too close. I don’t even think you know what the meaning of love is at this point.”
He looked so broken, his eyes mirrored the pain I had been feeling these past seven months. “I couldn’t bring you into this life, Y/N! Not like this. I changed, I was different, there was no way you could ever want who I became. I was saving you from me!”
There it was. The reason Noah left. He was trying to save me from him?
“Noah, that’s not your decision to make! You should have given me a chance to decide for myself if I could be with the person you became. Spoiler alert, I can! I love you, Noah Davis. With every fiber of my being and every inch of my soul. There is no one else for me. Why can’t you see that?”
I watched as realization dawned on him, watched as he realized how big of a mistake he made, and it was almost satisfying enough to make up for everything he did to me.
“Oh, fuck.” He whispered. “I fucked up. I fucked up worse than I could have possibly imagined. How could I have been so stupid?”
“All I’ve ever wanted was you, Noah, in whatever version of yourself that you are. It’s just you.”
He lowered his forehead to mine and closed his eyes, “What can I do to make this up to you? What can I do to begin to earn your forgiveness? You’re all I want Y/N, if you’ll still have me.”
I shut my eyes and tried to think, my mind working furiously to try to come up with something, anything to say. This was going so far differently than I had ever imagined, but maybe it would have the same outcome?
“You could start by untying me?” I asked softly, and even I heard the seductive edge in my tone.
Noah’s head snapped up, and he reached up to undo the rope that bound my zip tied wrists to the bed. He stopped short, though, glancing at my face and then running his eyes down my body to where my legs were spread, tied to his bed. He took his time staring before slowly meeting my gaze again.
There was that fire again.
“I don’t know.” He stood then, and I looked to see his growing erection pressing against his sweats. “I did say you were so pretty when you were bound and gagged. I meant it.”
I felt wetness at my core and desperately tried to rub my thighs together, anything to get some friction where I desperately needed it. I hadn’t had sex since that fateful night with Noah all those months ago, and I was definitely feeling the effects of that loss now.
Noah’s eyes glanced at my thighs, and a grin spread across his face,
“Do you like the sound of that? Does my girl want to get fucked while she’s tied up?”
I could only whimper in response, but Noah took that as all the invitation he needed to push his sweatpants down, freeing his erection. He slowly stroked his shaft, once, twice, making sure my eyes were watching his hand as he worked himself. I could feel my breath quicken as I licked my lips, desperate to feel him.
“Would you like a taste, princess?” I nodded and locked eyes with him as he moved closer, lining his cock up with my lips. I gently licked his tip, where a bead of precum had formed. This caused his head to tilt back, which gave me the opportunity to wrap my mouth around his head, using my tongue to caress the base of his cock.
He pulled away from me, and I whined at the loss of him. “Not so fast,” He chuckled. “I’m in control here, isn’t that right?”
“God, yes Noah.” I groaned.
“That’s a good girl." He stated as he lined himself up with my lips again. “Are you going to let me fuck that pretty mouth of yours the way I want?”
“Yes.” I whispered against him, and as soon as my mouth opened, he forced his cock inside, slamming all the way to the back of my throat. I gagged harshly, and he used the momentum to shove even further down my throat, cutting off any air supply I had and making me try to jerk back reactively.
His hand wrapped tightly in my hair. He held me down, face flush against his stomach, as my throat worked to swallow his entire length.
He moaned above me. “Fuck Y/N, you feel so fucking good gagging against my cock.”
He held me down another few seconds before giving me reprieve, and I gasped in air as he pulled back.
“You’re such a fucking good girl.” He muttered as his free hand lightly caressed my cheek. I savored the gentle touch for a moment, eyes closed before he pulled away. I had just a second to mourn the loss of his hand before I felt him smack me, just hard enough to surprise me.
I gasped at the contact which gave him another opportunity to force himself down my throat. He continued relentlessly fucking my throat until it felt raw. Tears were streaming down my face and my makeup was far from ruined. His hand remained tight in my hair, causing a soreness to build on my scalp.
After what felt like an eternity, but was likely no more than fifteen minutes, Noah removed his cock from my mouth and his hand from my hair. I took in big mouthfuls of air, luxuriating in being able to take full breaths, in comparison to the small reprieve I had earlier.
I focused on calming my breathing, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Same as always.
Noah looked down at me hungrily. “Ready for more baby girl?”
“More?” I croaked.
A dark chuckle escaped him as his hands reached for the button on my jeans. “We’re only getting started.”
Getting my jeans down far enough proved to be a very un-sexy task filled with a lot of curses from Noah as he tried to figure out how to maneuver them down. He settled for untying my legs one at a time, and pulling each pant leg off before tying my legs to the bed posts again.
Once he had me repositioned the way he wanted me, he nestled himself in between my legs, looking up at me briefly before clamping his mouth around my clit, his tongue circling it relentlessly. My back arched off the bed and a moan that sounded more like a scream escaped my lips.
“Fuck, Noah.”
He hummed with his mouth still pressed against me, causing my body to convulse at the sensation. It had been far too long, and I was going to come long before he was finished, I just knew it.
As if he had read my mind, Noah slipped a finger in between my lips, teasing at my entrance before plunging first one, and then two fingers deep inside of me.
“Oh, God!” I groaned, feeling the orgasm building low in my abdomen.
He curled his fingers inside of me, reaching up to the spot that he knew would have me coming undone in seconds. His fingers worked inside of me, and his mouth worked at my clit, guiding me closer and closer to the edge. Not a minute later, my orgasm crashed into me, a scream in the form of Noah’s name leaving my lips.
Noah’s mouth and fingers slowed as he coaxed the last of the spasms out of me, and I came down from the high of my orgasm.
I looked down at him as he withdrew his fingers from inside of me, making eye contact as he licked them clean, which caused another shudder to run through me.
“Fuck, you taste amazing, princess.” Noah pulled himself up, pushing himself onto all fours and crawling up towards me. His mouth hovered over mine as he whispered. “Would you like a taste?”
I didn’t get to answer before his mouth was on me, and his tongue was dancing with mine. His hand reached down between my legs and his fingers made contact with my sensitive clit, making me groan beneath him.
I felt him smile against my lips. “Sensitive, sweetheart?” I could only whimper in response.
He continued circling my clit lightly as I fought against the restraints,
“Please, Noah.” I couldn’t take it anymore.
“That’s right, princess. Beg me.” His fingers left my clit, granting me my request.
I had enough time to sigh in relief before his cock slid deep inside of me. He pushed into me as deep as he could before pausing, a tremor running through his body. “God, you feel so good baby girl.”
My hands itched to run through his hair and I longed to rake my nails down his back.
This was what torture felt like.
Noah rose up onto his knees, his cock never straying from inside of me and began to fuck me. This wasn’t the awkward sex of our youth, or the passionate lovemaking of our young adulthood. This was raw, fiery fucking.
The slap of his skin on mine was deafening, nearly drowning out my screams of pleasure.
“That’s it, Y/N. Take all of me like the good girl I know you are.”
Noah leaned over me and placed his hand over my mouth, “Take a deep breath, love.”
I glanced at him, begging my eyes to come into focus to try and make out what he was asking me to do. I took a deep breath just seconds before his hand inched up to cover my nose along with my mouth. His other hand snaked around my neck and began to squeeze.
He began to pound into me harder, and I tried to gasp against his hand and the pressure on my throat. I felt my lungs begin to burn and my eyes widened in panic. I started to thrash against the restraints, but fuck I was so close to coming.
Just as I thought my lungs could take no more, my orgasm hit me like a ton of bricks, and Noah removed both of his hands causing the blood to rush back into my head, and giving my orgasm an extra boost that had me screaming his name over and over.
Noah leaned back again, cock thrusting deep inside of me and never losing stride as his thumb started to circle my clit again.
I was so far gone that it was no longer too sensitive to touch, and I was on my way to chasing another orgasm.
Noah could tell I was getting worn out. “Just give me one more, baby. I know you can.”
“Please, Noah.” I didn’t know what I was begging for any more. For him to finish? For more? I couldn’t tell.
His thrusts became harder, faster and his breath came in quick gasps. He was getting close.
“Do you know why your pussy is so wet, Y/N?” He asked me.
It took a few tries and I had to wet my lips with my tongue before I could answer weakly. “Why?”
He was pounding into me harder than he had before, and I could feel my orgasm building, taking me higher and higher.
“Because it’s mine, baby girl.”
That was all it took to send me careening over the edge into oblivion. A myriad of curses left Noah’s lips as he thrust into me, once, twice before stilling as he finished inside me.
Noah took a few minutes to slow his breathing before he began the work of untying me. He carefully removed each zip tie and the ropes before beginning to massage my wrists and ankles where they were rubbed raw from the abuse. He kissed me lightly before picking me up and carrying me into the bathroom. He finished undressing me before guiding me into the hot shower, steam rising around me.
He joined me in the shower, and started washing my hair, my body, taking great care around the places that were sore. I had no use of my arms and legs and my body felt disconnected from my mind.
Is this what heaven felt like? I felt so free, so loose. God, I missed this.
Noah turned off the shower, the cold wrapping around me. I sighed. Why did it have to end so soon?
I felt a towel rubbing against my skin as Noah began to dry me off. He grabbed hold of my hand and walked me back to his bedroom after tucking the towel tightly around my body.
“Sit.” He commanded, pointing to his bed.
I immediately obliged and he crawled in behind me, sitting up against my back as he began to brush my hair.
I moaned and leaned into his touch, which caused him to chuckle lightly. “Did I wear you out, my love?” He asked.
“You know you did, you cocky asshole.” This garnered a full belly laugh from him, which vibrated against me.
Noah put the brush down and buried his face into my neck, his arms wrapping around me, “I missed you so much, Y/N.”
“I missed you too, Noah.”
With a sigh he got up from behind me, going to his dresser to grab one of his t-shirts and a pair of his boxers for me to wear. I swam in his oversized shirts, and I loved it.
He slipped back on his sweats but remained shirtless.
“We have to get on the road in a few hours.” Noah started. “Should I take you back to where you’re staying?”
I shook my head and smiled. “I have tickets to your next four shows.”
Noah blinked at me, before the biggest smile plastered his face. “You do?” He looked uncertain as he asked. “Maybe you could ride with us then?”
I took a moment to contemplate, “Are you sure that would be okay? I don’t want to intrude.”
“You could never intrude, Y/N. I would love it if you stayed. I want to spend every day with you.” Noah grasped my hands in his. “I want a life with you.”
I stared deeply into his eyes, it was everything I had wanted to hear all those months ago. To save myself from another fit of crying, I just nodded in response. Noah leaned down and kissed each of my fingers, one by one.
“Let me update the guys. Get dressed, make yourself comfortable. Maybe grab a snack from the kitchen and we can watch a scary movie until we fall asleep when I get back?” Noah was already up and heading out the door as he finished his sentence.
It wasn’t thirty minutes later I heard the rest of the boys quietly conversing in the living area, and Noah bidding them a good night before walking towards his room. I was curled up on his bed, a bag of Hot Cheetos on one side, and Watermelon Sour Patch Kids on the other.
“How did that go?” I smiled up at him.
He crawled in bed next to me, laying his head on my lap and moving the bag of Hot Cheetos out of his way. “Better than it could have gone. I told them I’d pay for the damages to the bus, but they were all happy to hear you would be joining us on the tour. At least for a little bit, right?”
“Yeah, you’ve got me for now.” I ran my hands through his hair. “Mind if I put on Halloween?”
I didn’t give him the option of an answer before pressing play. He just snickered and traced his fingers up and down my calf.
By the time we made it halfway through Halloween 2, Noah was on his side next to me and I was laying on his chest. His fingers ran idly up and down my back and I listened to the steady beat of his heart.
Noah’s fingers started slowing and his breathing became steady.
“I love you, Y/N,” He whispered before he drifted off to sleep.
I smiled. “I wish we could stay like this forever, Noah.”
Noah
I was dreaming about her, like I did most nights. These were happier dreams than usual. Her and I were sitting in the grass, mountains behind us and a lake in front of us. It was perfect. Just like her.
I looked over in my dream and she was smiling, laughing, looking more beautiful than I had ever seen another human being look. I placed my hand on her stomach, round with our child, my wedding band glistening in the early morning light. This is what true happiness was. Me, my wife, and our child - our daughter, just about to enter this world where she would be loved and cherished more than any other child had ever been.
This was our happily ever after.
I woke slowly, hesitant to leave my dreamscape, but eager to wake up next to the woman of my dreams. I stretched, feeling my back pop and groaning at the relief it brought me. Shows always made me so sore the next day, and last night’s activities sure didn’t help with that either. My cock twitched in my pants at the thought, and I was excited at the prospect of round two.
I reached over, searching for her with my eyes still closed, but found the bed cold and empty where she should be.
My eyes flew open and I jolted upright, scanning the room.
Where was she?
Panic filled my veins as my breath came in short gasps, and my lungs felt like they couldn’t get enough air.
Other sounds started to filter in as my pulse quickened, and I heard the shower running. My body relaxed instantly, sagging as a low chuckle escaped me.
Of course she was in the shower. Where else would she be?
I took my time getting out of bed and leaving my room, heading towards the bathroom to join her.
I tried the door, but it was locked. Smart, there were three other men on this bus.
I knocked. “Y/N? Can I come in?”
I heard the shower turn off and wet footsteps make their way across the room before the door opened.
I smiled as I looked into the eyes of the woman I love, and fixed my mouth to tell her good morning...before realizing it was Folio standing in front of me.
“Uh, Noah?” Folio looked confused. “Y/N is definitely not in here with me, I swear dude.”
My face fell, glancing around him. I almost wished she was in there with him. A pit formed in my stomach and I stumbled back into my room, frantically tearing it apart looking for my phone. As soon as I found it, I dialed her number by heart. I placed the phone to my ear, heart pounding so loud I was afraid I wouldn’t hear when she answered.
“The number you have reached is not in service. If you feel you have reached this message in error, please hang up and try your call again.”
I just woke up and you scared the shit out of me with that post about Can You Feel My Heart part 2.......what do you mean we're not ready I'm gonna cry and possibly faint 😭
All the fainting babes 😗💅
xo
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