SilentShadowAngel

tw: €d

[silentshadowangel]

Call me Doll <3 // 22y.o.

TW: wl

height: 167cm

hw: 82kg

cw: 73kg

gw: 55kg

ugw: 49kg

[silentshadowangel]

Was supposed to have life-changing surgery today. Woke up at 5a.m. to get ready and be at the hospital at 7a.m.. No water or food intake before the surgery was allowed. I waited seven fuckass hours just to get told I won't be having surgery today. Everyone else that came at the same time as me got their treatment. Everyone else that even came AFTER me got their treatment. I was the only person left.

Even sum fucking bitch that was making a scene, shouting, arguing with the staff simply because she had to wait like everybody else and even tried to get into the surgery room got her treatment after only 2h of waiting. SHE WAS WHINING ABOUT 2H WHILE I WAITED FOR 7H JUST TO GET SEND BACK HOME.

That shit made me so fucking depressed, I don't want do to anything anymore. I just want to rot in bed and only get up once it's finally my time to get my treatment. It's not even just about those 7 hours. I've been waiting YEARS and I was so close, I was only one door away to finally get the surgery I've been dreaming of for years. Rn I'm so mentally drained idk what to do with myself anymore.

[silentshadowangel]

Living in Germany rn is hell. I feel so helpless seeing the very privileged life I used to know, be stripped away little by little. My safety and rights as a minority being in danger. Prices are getting higher, the wage becomes less liveable, support systems like getting a therapist are supposed to get reconstructed so it's even harder to get a help, we're getting told to work more, even though the elders right now are getting less and less pension, by 2028 they want to monitor and scan everything you do on your technical devices, even messages you deleted before you were able to send them.

I'll try to enjoy the good life that I still have for now, because this could change with just one vote for the wrong side. But it's just getting harder to just not kms at this point. I'm just 22 and still don't know where I want to work after my training. I have to share the little money I get with my family so they have something to eat. I want to do something but idk what. If this goes on any further we'll be back to the Germany's roots, where you'll be hunted down simply for being a little bit too tan. I wish I could have the power, money and voice to change things for the better like Dolly Parton or CDawgVa. To stop this dystopian doom that's right infront my door and also help others in need.

[silentshadowangel]

Yesterday's b1nge and purg3 didn't make my number go up! Yippie! >:3

[silentshadowangel]

Phone was dead the WHOLE DAY. COULDN'T TRACK SH!T. My fasting, my steps, my Tumblr. I held back as much as possible but couldn't resist a lil binge on Mac and cheese, purged most of it tho :(

Luckily I didn't break my sugar free streak, 3 Days going strong >:3

I'll drink as much water as I can and manifest for the numbers to not go up by tmrw.

[silentshadowangel]

Log 15/07/26

no f00d pics, I forgot :(

f@sting time:

Lunch: 4x figs and a tomato

Dinner: Proteinshake

Total cal intake: 520c

Total water intake: 3L

Steps:

[miia8a]

low c@l Chinese egg drop soup ⋆˙⟡ —

100 cals 6g protein

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅

1 egg

250ml water

1 tablespoon veggie stock seasoning

1 teaspoon corn starch

1 tablespoon soy sauce

seasonings of choice ( garlic, pepper etc)

some spring onions to top off

[silentshadowangel]

Log

Breakfast: Protein Shake, Harzer Cheese

Dinner: Baked Veggies, Salad

Steps:

Total cal intake: ~1000c

Total water intake: 3L

[icedddcoldfoamss]

Can’t wait for fucking soup season.

[lolononomomo]

my rules

always leave at least one bite behind

chew + spit if I'm really craving something

always under 800, preferably under 500

minimum 16 hour fast

no alcohol except on special occasions

no processed sugar (gum/0-cal drinks don't count)

no drink above 100

walk all the time and at every opportunity (it's free)

iced americano for breakfast

track all calories

min 1L of water

craving? have some water, then gum, then tea, then 0-cal soda, have a bite and spit it out, and brush your teeth after

[silentshadowangel]

I'm struggling so hard rn with bed and sugar add1€tion. I want to go back to barely eating at all, but I everytime I try I fail tremendously. Pls someone help me and give me some tips, if I go back to my hw then I might actually km$. 😭