blunt. angst. satoru gojo. ryomen sukuna. chapter index.
Breaking your leg probably would've hurt less than seeing Satoru standing in your driveway so close and still so fucking far from being yours.
"Kuna, can you please take her inside?" You murmured to the man who was yours. Who raised her and loved her and loved you even when it was hard to do.
"Sure," He grunted, still glaring at your former husband before he readjusted your daughter on his hip.
He hadn't even made it halfway down the sidewalk before Satoru was stepping closer to you, bridging the distance of a few years in just a couple seconds.
"You had my baby," He breathed, like the four words were a miracle in themselves. Your lungs were giving out, all the air you sucked in evaporating, squeezed out by your organs apparently collapsing in on themselves. Your whole world was, all the shields and sticks holding your life up crashing and crumbling under the weight of his burning blue stare.
The front door to the house slammed shut.
"Yeah," You quietly answered, no matter how insufficient and small it sounded. You'd been fucking terrified to tell him. Actually threw up before you met him, wiping your mouth without being able to look at your reflection in the mirror and brushing your teeth ten times before you grabbed your keys and left. Sukuna said it was a bad idea, but didn't fight you on it, just fixed Saori's hair in pigtails and promised to give her snacks and put her favorite show on while you were gone. "Back at the coffee shop, I thought you weren't interested in her. Us."
"I thought you meant she was his," Satoru was half-whispering, his voice hoarse and shaky as he jutted a finger towards your boyfriend. And you recognized that expression on his face, even if it'd been years since you'd seen it. He was jealous.
"I said we," You reminded him, arms folded across your chest like it'd do anything to stop the conversation that was about to come. Glancing around and debating if it would kill your hydrangeas if you puked in them too.
"Why didn't you tell me before?" He asked softly, still without the blame you knew you deserved. He didn't hate you. Wouldn't shout or scream or throw his fingers in your face like he probably should.
"You didn't want to be married. Why would you want a kid with a wife you didn't remember?" You shrugged, but there was no apathy in it. It was painfully raw, the hurt you'd sworn you moved past still scrawled all over your face when you chewed on the inside of your cheek so he wouldn't have to see you bite your lip.
"That's-" He started, pretty nose scrunching up as he sucked in a sharp inhale. "I didn't-"
"I heard you and Suguru," You admitted, having to turn away because if you spent one more second staring at the man you thought you'd spend forever sleeping next to, you would start to cry. "At your birthday party. You said you wished you hadn't been married."
It was too late. A hot lump had already formed in your throat, one that bobbed up higher the harder you tried to swallow it. Tears already forming in the corner of your eyes that refused to be blinked away.
"Angel," He said it so softly, so much like the old him had, and you were already wiping underneath your eyes. "I'm-"
"You don't have to apologize," You preemptively said, sniffling more than you'd like. Struggling to swallow and say all the things that had gone unspoken for so long. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It's just, I knew you'd feel obligated to take care of her. But you weren't the man I made her with. You should get to pick your own life, you know, whatever makes you happy."
You still couldn't look at him. One arm wrapped tight around you while the other rubbed underneath your eyes. You wanted to be back in bed. Wished you were curled up on your side with Sukuna's chest pressed against your back and his mouth leaving lingering kisses along your throat, reassurances that whatever happened, he wouldn't go. That you were safe with him, secure in his arms, that the family you made for yourself wasn't fake and wouldn't fall apart even now that Satoru had shown up.
"I would've picked you," He murmured, and suddenly, he was right there, reaching out. A hand sliding up your arm to soothe you the way he used to. "The only reason I let you go was because I thought you weren't happy with me."
Why couldn't he just say he hated you? Push you away? Why did he have to be so goddamn sweet?
"But you said-" Your voice trembled, breaking off.
"Do you think I didn't notice how much I was hurting you? That there's been a single day where I didn't wish I was him because then you'd still be mine?" He asked, bitter and stinging, striking all your weak spots. It didn't change what you heard. Didn't erase the years of yearning for someone that didn't exist anymore.
But it made you wonder what would've happened if you stayed. If he spoke up. If you hadn't kept silent thinking you were saving all three of you the heartache.
"You should've said something," You weakly whispered.
"I know. You should've told me about her," He muttered, his hand still wrapped around your arm. And for a second, you thought he might tug you into his chest. To hug you like he used to, the ones where he'd squeeze you tight enough until you were giggling and gasping for air.
"I know," You echoed, sniffling again. But this was why you hadn't. Because the second he stepped back into your life, it went back to revolving around him.
He did hug you then. It was short. Almost awkward now. But then he leaned down, buried his nose into your neck and murmured your name into your collarbone. You didn't know if he was accepting your apology or offering one of his own. Strong arms pulling you into his sturdy chest while you got stuck on how he still smelled the same.
"I'm sorry," you whispered anyway.
"Not as much as me," he promised, pulling away to leave a faint kiss on the top of your forehead. It hovered over your skin, a ghost of whatever love was left for you.
"So," You swallowed, stepping away, makeup smearing across the back of your hand and wiping your face. "What now?"
"I'm not walking away from her or you," Satoru soberly said, brows furrowed and lips pressed in a serious line. "I want to be a dad."
"I'm not leaving Sukuna," You exhaled, trying to sound strong when all you felt was weak. "He's her dad too."
"I know, baby," He nodded, his eyes softening when you reluctantly met his. You scoffed, but it was hardly one, just a quiet puff of air.
"That means you can't call me baby," You reminded him, but he just chuckled, reaching out to drag his thumb underneath your eyes and show you the mascara and eyeliner that came off.
"I want to meet my baby. Saori. Properly, you know. At a playground or a park or something. Buy her ice cream and toys and-" He started, a hint of a smile curling up on his face. He said her name like it was special, something magical and magnetic, just to hear how pretty it sounded rolling off his tongue.
"Is next weekend okay?" You hesitantly asked, thinking about having to explain to Saori about the other daddy she had that you'd only told her about in kid terms before. That the one who had an accident was back and wanted to be in her life. You'd shown her photos of Satoru before - but he'd been smiling in all of those, didn't have the bags under his eyes or the frown lines by his lips.
"Sure, I mean whenever works for you-"
"I can text you," You nodded, stepping back towards the sidewalk. You'd bet ten bucks Sukuna was probably scowling through a window staring at the two of you.
"I'll wait for you."
| Toji with Satoru's baby daughter ( BUT SHE'S HIS BABY TOO ): |
FIC SO GOOD I HAVE TO DRAW IT.
