just really silly

20+| wannabe voice actor | amateur poet

[jun-hug]

Sun and Star in their little winter outfits catching snowflakes :)

[sillybeesu]

you were meant to do great things, just without me cheering you on like i used to. i never stopped, i just don’t think you’d ever hear it.

i don’t know why you left, i won’t ask. i don’t think i deserve to.

i just wanted to say i miss you.

maybe the random day you come across my words, i’ll be in a better place.

maybe. if i choose to live long enough to stick around and see.

[sillybeesu]

sorry i’ve been absent,

i just can’t quite get a grip on reality right now.

i feel like i’ve been

slipping

falling

descending

spiraling into a comfortable madness.

its hard to explain,

old habits i thought ive out grown

new habits i never thought i’d know

every day my heart feels more entangled

veins and nerves

pulling and stretching

its beating, although with a strain,

its still beating.

sorry for not talking, messaging, communicating;

its hard to when i have a knot in my throat,

where a steady breathe is difficult to maintain.

ive been angry, seething with a hostile discomfort

i can’t contain.

i’m sorry i haven’t been me,

i’m sorry.

please

please

please

please forgive me

[sillybeesu]

i’m sorry i can’t be fine all the time

but every time there’s quiet, the tapes rewind.

i spiral through my memories

remembering the time i could breathe

now i sit in my room all alone

hoping for somebody to take me home

oh i wish i was gone

but your smile is what i hold on to

and if you walk away

i’ll slowly go back to grey

waiting for the day to rot and decay

no i don’t wanna leave you

that will make me insane

but this pressure is taking my breathe away

turns out i can’t have a good day

this is a poem from when i was 15-16.

please dont judge my fetus brain

[sillybeesu]

hai everyone; i made a playlist of music i like to listen to when im in a writing mood.

ill be adding more songs when i can!

[sillybeesu]

ive hated my reflection

since the earliest i remember

but yours seems like perfection

i hate myself

but i wish i was a prodigy

fuck this

nothing shakes the feeling

ill float up the ceiling

and never touch the ground

again

[sillybeesu]

lost in the shades of grey

i find solace in the rain

so i keep hiding my tears

in the nimbostratus clouds

Each droplet holds a secret

a great deal of pain

looking for answers,

looking for clues

to figure out why i feel so blue

each day, my mind is shrouded with fog and different shades

give me a reason why i should stay

“im begging for you to change”

i keep saying that to my brain

constantly wishing i was okay

if i fell in love with my sadness,

would it leave me too?

like my childhood innocence

gone so soon.

i keep hiding myself away

[sillybeesu]

my heart wishes it can mend yours

its knows the pain all too well, it wishes it can be of help

bring you peace when your brain is at war

but frankly, all it can do is keep you company with every beat

we got our issues, but we got love too.

[sillybeesu]

stuck in the middle

stuck in the rain

i’m feeling so hopeless again

i’m sick and tired of playing pretend

life is full of fucking pain.

[sillybeesu]

water rot: doing absolutely nothing in the bath/shower for an undisclosed amount of time.

[sillybeesu]

So i’ll scribble my thoughts

in the margins of night.

Each word a reflection,

a piece of my soul.

Unearthing fragments

that yearn to be whole.

As silence chokes me,

I pour out my heart,

I cry,

I weep,

remembering moments

that caused me pain.

keep looking for comfort,

searching to be repaired.

i should learn to stop crying in the rain

[sillybeesu]

emotions are scary. especially the ones we were taught to steer away from and fear.

guilt is natural when you’ve done something wrong, we’ve just been wired to think everything we do is wrong.

[sillybeesu]

i had someone question my depression saying “you seem pretty okay for someone that’s depressed”

thanks, ive been masking for 15 years now.