just a random artist

Hello!! he/it pronouns please. I post about a lot of things but rn its mainly malevolent!

[liminalhumanoid]

Anti-endos, don’t interact. Just block & keep scrolling.

Endo-friendly folks, hi! I’m new(ish) here and have some questions! Kind of a big post though so you’ve been warned lol.

I’m still somewhat new to viewing my internal experiences through a plural lens (or at least a plural-open-minded one) and I have some questions but don’t really have anyone to ask other than my boyfriend (who is also plural), but I feel awkward talking to him about it, at least for now. So, I’m writing here.

Like I said, I’m still in the early stages of feeling things out from this perspective and I’m approaching everything with gentle skepticism. If I had to label myself, I feel like mixed-origin median system sums it up pretty well. Anyway, the questions! Feel free to answer or give suggestions, but of course you’re not obligated to do so if you don’t want! <3

How common is it to struggle telling who/what is a headmate? Some specific emotions and sensations feel closely tied to some distinct version of myself separate from the usual “me” if that makes sense. This also applies to specific ways of speaking/thinking, which I usually dismiss as just bouts of the urge to improv or be dramatic but now that I think about it, it’s more like the emotions thing, just easier to cover up.

Do headmates sometimes front while dreaming? I only just considered this recently because of one of those specific emotions I mentioned in the previous paragraph being felt in a dream. That specific emotion hadn’t been felt in a very long time.

To what degree do folks experience depersonalization, derealization, and/or identity confusion (esp. the first two since I’d consider the latter tied to the first question)? It’s been almost constant for me since around 2013, worsening with anxiety & migraines and really worsening with panic attacks & tiredness, and very rarely easing up. I try to ignore it but it’s difficult sometimes. I know it’s not a plural exclusive thing but I’m curious.

I’ve heard that younger systems tend to have higher headmate counts than older ones. Is this true? I know there’s more people in here than the ones whose names I know or have given nicknames, but like. I’m 27 (as of today actually lol). This ties into my first question.

Do some systems have headmates that don’t have or want names, or that don’t have much (if any) interest in fronting or otherwise interacting with the host or greater systrm in the usual headmate ways? There’s a group of individuals here, and while some have cofronted or been co-conscious (to my knowledge I [host] haven’t ever fully “swapped out”), others in the group haven’t and seem to be disinterested in such things and stick with their group.

Are there different types of plural-related amnesia other than the kind where you don’t remember anything at all? What are those like? That I’m aware of, I haven’t ever had an episode where I lost time & had zero idea what I was doing for a period of time. However my memory is often spotty, which I know isn’t exclusive of systems but I’m curious about some of y’all’s experiences if you don’t mind sharing.

Hopefully those made sense, I’m sleep deprived and at work at the moment so if something reads weird, just ask me to clarify. Thank you in advance if anyone reads this & responds! ^^

[sillylilguystehe]

Hello!! I have answers to a few of these. (Mainly based off our own experiences and those of others I've read!)

Starting w question 6 there are actually several different types of amnesia related to plurality! I recommend looking up the terms grey amnesia and emotional amnesia. (Grey amnesia can be summarized as technically remembering something but the details are blurry or you're messing a few things. Emotional amnesia is when you know something happened, you know most of the details. But you feel no emotions about the event.)

For question 5, especially in bigger systems it's fairly standard to have alters who dont want to/rarely front! For us at least we tend to have a group of alters who front often, some who front every once in a while. And those who dont front at all.

Identity confusion varries a lot system to system! Some systems dont really struggle with it. Some do. For us we vary between having a fairly strong sense of identity to being unsure at times.

Especially when first during syscovery not knowing what exactly is a head mate is fairly common! What works for us is noting certain things down and if those things happen consistently enough then that might be worth investigating as a headmate.

We hope this helps! This is mainly based off our own experiences and experiences we've seen online. Goodluck w everything!

[sillylilguystehe]

So. The mechanisms and tales of Arcadia crossover au where lyf crashlands on earth a good bit before the start of trollhunters and becomes a English teacher at the highschool. Sillies ensue.

[sillylilguystehe]

Thinking about kayne malevolent in relation to like. A deal with a demon as a troupe.

I think something that's interesting about kayne when compared to characters who fill a similar role is that he does just straight up lie and not follow along with the deals and promises he makes.

Normally its always the demon finding loopholes but still fulfilling their end. But with kayne he simply does whatever he wants.

He told arthur that he'd give john and instead he shoved yellow into Arthur's head. All while making a separate deal with john.

He gave Arthur the dagger, and implied thatd help. When all it did was lead them straight into Kaynes hands.

In the Christmas special theres a implication that if Arthur and john can do well enough they'll win- yet kayne kills them anyways.

Kayne asking if john wants to wipe Arthur's memory. Just to not do it.

This personally makes kayne feel actively more powerful than other similar villains to me. He's held to no standards and just does whatever he wants.

And this, leads me to think that even if everything goes perfectly. And Arthur and john do get the Blackstone. Kayne wont bring back faroe. Its simply a extra carrot on the stick kayne has, something to keep Arthur motivated beyond survival.

(And I personally also think faroe being brought back would honestly just be really unsatisfying plot wise. Especially after 45. I just dont think it fits the themes of malevolent and Arthur's arc)

[judiops]

I've been thinking a good deal about this, and about how Kayne fits into that same character archetype as Bill Cipher/Discord/Q/The Devil/etc, etc, etc.

And one of the things I keep coming back to is that the rest of them love making deals, and they very rarely actually lie.

They might tell one or two Important Lies, but most of the time they can be counted on to be weirdly truthful for their Chaotic Evil(ish) status (often significantly more truthful than the protagonists, let's be real). Meanwhile Kayne is just lying casually with every other sentence. You already touched on the false deal he made switching John and Yellow-- also the number of times he asks a question, insists there are no wrong answers, and immediately shoots down the given answer as wrong.

(If anything, it feels like the only time what he says feels at all true is when he's talking to himself in one of those little rambling asides, rather than talking to anyone else directly. The vibe I get is that in those moments he doesn't feel motivated to lie, and he doesn't hold anyone else in the room with enough regard to think they can understand what he's saying.)

And there's a lot of him going on about being uninterested, not having a dog in the fight, etc, and then very specifically steering them in certain directions. You already mentioned the knife; I think it's also safe to say that Kayne mortally wounded Lilly specifically because Arthur and John were dragging their feet about confronting the King in Yellow, for all that Kayne went on about not having a vested interest in their choice. I see the same in the way he forces very extreme deals with super stressful time limits-- the fake deal to bring back John without his memories is a big one, the offer to wipe Arthur's memories is another.

What's interesting to me is that in all of those situations, the deal itself is the least important element. With the standard Chaotic Dealmaker, the Deal is treated as a major cornerstone of their power, and they're trading for the thing they want. Neither of those is actually true with Kayne.

Like with the offered deal to erase Arthur's memory-- he wasn't asking for anything and he had no intention to go through with it. The only thing he actually wanted was for John to lose Arthur's trust. I don't know how many other ulterior motives were involved in the deal to put Yellow into Arthur's head, but at least one is that it kept Arthur from asking inconvenient questions about how he got John back once John made his own deal.

All of which is to say: the deals themselves are a lie.

And as a character who repeatedly breaks the fourth wall and acknowledges the audience, it feels more than anything like he's deliberately invoking with the trope of the demon/fae who makes deals and is actually bound to them, and letting the audience and the characters both trip themselves up with their own expectations of how the rules actually apply to him.

[sillylilguystehe]

Thinking about kayne malevolent in relation to like. A deal with a demon as a troupe.

I think something that's interesting about kayne when compared to characters who fill a similar role is that he does just straight up lie and not follow along with the deals and promises he makes.

Normally its always the demon finding loopholes but still fulfilling their end. But with kayne he simply does whatever he wants.

He told arthur that he'd give john and instead he shoved yellow into Arthur's head. All while making a separate deal with john.

He gave Arthur the dagger, and implied thatd help. When all it did was lead them straight into Kaynes hands.

In the Christmas special theres a implication that if Arthur and john can do well enough they'll win- yet kayne kills them anyways.

Kayne asking if john wants to wipe Arthur's memory. Just to not do it.

This personally makes kayne feel actively more powerful than other similar villains to me. He's held to no standards and just does whatever he wants.

And this, leads me to think that even if everything goes perfectly. And Arthur and john do get the Blackstone. Kayne wont bring back faroe. Its simply a extra carrot on the stick kayne has, something to keep Arthur motivated beyond survival.

(And I personally also think faroe being brought back would honestly just be really unsatisfying plot wise. Especially after 45. I just dont think it fits the themes of malevolent and Arthur's arc)

[sillylilguystehe]

Hear me out. Perfect wife by amigo the devil is kayne vibes.

[sillylilguystehe]

Ngl now that I've finished malevolent I can read posts without worrying about spoilers and. I am so happy that aroallo Arthur is such a popular hc!! Aroallo arthur beloved<3

[caninite]

hi weird isat tumblr i dont know if this is cool but siffrin and/or loop with like hooves? no drawing soz

[sillylilguystehe]

Op i. Hope you dont mind but I took the liberty of drawing hooved stiffrin

[sillylilguystehe]

So I'm listening to malevolent for the first time and ough. Episode 20 piano man. I have a type yes but god he's just so silly. He's so silly!! Kayne I love you.

[sillylilguystehe]

JUST FINISHED THE EPISODE CRYING NOW.

[sillylilguystehe]

So I'm listening to malevolent for the first time and ough. Episode 20 piano man. I have a type yes but god he's just so silly. He's so silly!! Kayne I love you.

[sillylilguystehe]

Not fanart, just a silly lil oc of mine! His name is misellus

[sillylilguystehe]

So I drew cyrus in one of his outfits from TACO salad!! A amazing fic by Lady_Sandry on ao3. Some close ups under the read more and notes in the tags!

[sillylilguystehe]

My favorite type of character