JACK S. MCLAGGEN @silvertxngued - Tumblr Blog

A LINGERING SWEETNESS ╱ @claritxs

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HE HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS GOING ON. he felt anxious and confused, but surprisingly peaceful too ────── as if the words he had uttered had been suffocating him slowly and he was now set free. but with that REALIZATION, came a flurry of new thoughts and worries. had he scared her off? did she understand what he meant? and if so, could she explain it to him? he felt a need to be quiet, to be still, but he wanted to be anything but that. he wanted to pace or move; wanted to TINKER. he wanted to do anything he could to not reach FOR HER.

‘ OH- ’ HE DIDN’T? ‘ ────── I’M SORRY. ’ what had she just said? he chastised himself, nodding his head with relief and AWKWARDNESS. hands move again, from his pockets to the air in front of him, simply to fidget. when she came closer, he dropped them. he didn’t know quite what to do with them, staring at her and hoping she’d confirm she’d forgiven him. but when her small hands land on his chest, the scent of DAISIES, SUNFLOWERS and MEADOWS overwhelming him almost instantly, jack felt like he might have short-circuited.

THE INDIGO WAS OTHERWORLDLY, UNEARTHLY. it answered a question he would not ask aloud, as hands move to run through her hair ────── and azure follows, trying to steady his heart by focusing on what he could feel. the sunlight hidden in her hair, even here amid the dim lights; the way some strands were covered in a deep purple paint the reminded him of the NIGHT SKY. he heard her, but he wasn’t able to change his expression or answer her. his mind was SHUT DOWN, but fingers still moved. . . to play with her hair, rest at her jaw.

DID HE THINK? NOT AT ALL. NOT NEAR HER. jack wanted to tell her that. in fact, he almost wanted to be mad at her for it. he should have control of his own thoughts. he did not ────── he didn’t have CONTROL at all when it came to her. he shouldn’t be okay with that. he felt desperate to answer her questions; desperate to find words, reason, or LOGIC. gaze followed his hands again, as his thumb comes to rest at the pink of her cheeks. his mind reminds him to BREATHE when azure meets INDIGO, chest rising and falling slowly only once-

THAT WAS ALL IT TOOK. the moment he allowed himself to nod, he didn’t give her time; didn’t give himself time to breathe. the taste he had stolen before was there now, as lips touch to hers softly. he CRAVED IT, even if it unrested his stomach ────── jack even naively hoped the taste of HER would calm it, but the sweetness did anything but that. it only served to enrage him, as his big frame moved against hers; sought MORE. tongue slips past her soft lips with a hiss that sounded like prayer, and he REVELS in a feeling absolutely UNKNOWN. . .

────AND ENTIRELY OVERWHELMING. ‘ is this what we’ll do if we don’t talk? ’ please say yes. he kissed her again; sweetly, INNOCENTLY. ‘ i think this helps? ’

#claritxs #all threads #v: main #jatalie #t: natalie macmillan #ok do you know how different this is to the SIN that is on the dash?????#and yet omg broke me cRUSHED ME #the sweetness !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#the INNOCENCE #send help

A C.H.E.S.S. REGROUP ╱ @wxsdom

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HE WAS HAPPY TO HAVE SOMETHING TO KEEP HIM BUSY, even if the reason he had it made his skin crawl. between imagining that kowalski kid somewhere off with the likes of the gaunts and the words of the last letter he’d received, jack wanted to get lost ────── entirely and wholly, in anything that could actually be useful. the skin around his eyes hurt, whether from exhaustion or previous tears, he didn’t know. he’d stared at that chessboard FOR HOURS. what were they missing? what curses were they forgetting? books. they needed more books.

‘ WELL, THIS ISN’T WORKING EITHER- ’ he shut the last of the books the vances had brought from the hogwarts library. they were still there, trying to obtain more that could potentially be relevant, but jack was beginning to lose all sense of HOPE. darkness was winning, unashamedly and fast, and his world was crumbling with it. ‘ PLAYING IT WILL MOVE THE PIECES. ’ he had a feeling that would screw it all up ────── had a feeling that each piece was alive and meant to move by itself. smoke swirled in them: black, blue, green, red and gold.

JACK RAN HIS HANDS DOWN HIS FACE, sinking down into a chair beside her. he hadn’t looked her in the face since he got here ────── couldn’t find the strength to face another human being, including his family. but he did then, seeing the BROWN that was familiar and comforting, even if it always fuelled his competitive side, too. jack pressed his lips together for a moment; considered answering her with SILENCE. if he never said it, maybe it wouldn’t be real. azure stared blankly at the board, forcing the WORDS out. ‘ . . .no, we’re not together. ’

THEY HADN’T BEEN FOR A WHILE. his letters went unanswered, and so did his calls and texts. she hadn’t been home when he attempted to go over. no one had been. ' i don’t have any stories of hope. i don’t even know what we’re doing here right now. we’re hopeless. ’ and that, THOSE WORDS, caused his voice to break. azure watered momentarily, as his hand hovered over one of the gold and red pieces, before he brought them to his face again. ‘ i don’t know when we lost it, lee. ’ did he mean him and natalie, or the C.H.E.S.S. club?

' EVERYTHING IS A MESS. ’ . . .and he wished he could shut down. wished he never felt at all. ‘ I DON’T KNOW HOW WE WIN THIS. ’

#all threads #v: older #wxsdom #t: leona scamander #c.h.e.s.s.#so i feel like leona came to jack looking for hope #none was found #only depression #welcs :)

A LINGERING SWEETNESS ╱ @claritxs

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A SENSE OF REVOLT HIT HIM ANEW, as jack remained frozen. grace tended to feel things ────── often shamelessly and with a level of gentility that only she held. maybe it was just him thinking it, since he had so much trouble with emotions and had no real way of measuring it or comparing it. if he was being truthful, she really was one of so little few that he paid attention to, how could he possibly know enough to understand the complexities that made up her every day feelings? AND YET. . . he knew then. he knew instinctively that the glistening on the top of her cheeks, making her under-eyes a gentle sea of almost glittering purple, was his fault. GUILT WAS STRIKING, and yet not unfamiliar. still, he did not ENJOY it.

‘ GRACE, YOU SHOULD BE MAD. ’ at least if she was mad, he could put a name to the expression ────── suffer the BLAME. how often had she been vulnerable? told him some of the cruel things that had happened to her? and yet now. . . he’d been the one to make it happen. that helped summon the LOGIC that so often went amiss when anything was about NATALIE. ‘ you’re not a freak. not in a bad way. you’re so much more than your visions or a bad sleeping schedule- ’ he wanted to be PRECISE. jack couldn’t handle another miscommunicated sentence; his brain felt FRAZZLED. she left him feeling completely and utterly frazzled. it was worse than those unsolvable mysteries the C.H.E.S.S. club toyed with for FUN.

AZURE TRAVELLED TO INDIGO, having searched the blankets and the movements of her hands. her trembling smile broke him ────── reminded him that, without a shadow of a doubt, whatever it was that he had done had caused it. guilt consumed him, as he moved as if to step forward, hands inching to move and fix something. he only got closer, because. . . he had no solution, or even CLARITY, when it came to HER. he knew his next words would be a part-lie, and jack didn’t like lying. ‘ grace, i want to be your friend. of course i want to be your friend. i don’t. . . i don’t want to lose you. that’s why i’ve stayed away. i just didn’t want to lose this. LOSE YOU. you will never LOSE ME. ‘ . . .maybe he should leave it there. he should-

BUT HIS CHEST DEMANDED MORE; DEMANDED TRUTH. so he began rambling, needing to set truth free. ‘ i’m just no good at this. at you. i don’t. . . i don’t know. you confuse me. always. i don’t like being CONFUSED. ’ he was constantly LOST in thoughts of her. why did he think of her so often? was it because he liked her? it made sense, and yet it couldn’t POSSIBLY? hands motion to his chest. ‘ i get. . . COMPLICATED FEELINGS. ’ honesty and confusion spilled from his soul in equal parts, as eyes met the INDIGO that so often haunted him. ‘ -about you. always about you. constantly. my mind is so FULL OF YOU. ’ even now, when his chest ached and he was part-furious, all jack wanted was to replace the SADNESS that tainted her features.

' AND I NEVER WANT TO HURT YOU. ’ . . .THAT, HE KNEW. ───── IF NOTHING MORE. ‘ I’M SORRY, GRACE. I’M SORRY. ’

#I DON'T UNDERSTAND HIS FEELINGS EITHER IT'S A MESS SJDFHDJGHD #can he just pls-#jatalie #claritxs #t: natalie macmillan #all threads #v: main #so much honesty tho the rest of my gang could never #my jatalie heart man

A LINGERING SWEETNESS ╱ @claritxs

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JACK AVOIDED HER THE FIRST DAY BACK. not properly, but he also hadn’t gone down to his workshop as normal. he couldn’t make himself face it not even after jamie’s words and josh’s advice. his chest had felt uncomfortably tight that night, as he wondered if she was there whilst he sulked in his room. that feeling hadn’t gone away, and now he couldn’t stop himself from going to see if she was there, even if he wasn’t sure what to hope for. was he hoping she was? was he hoping he’d fall down the staircase and not have to deal with this at all? . . .hard to tell. it was also hard to figure out why he couldn’t stop thinking about her, even during LESSONS. she played on his mind, worse than any machine he couldn’t fix.

BUT COULD HE FIX IT? HUMANS WERE NOT METAL. humans were complicated, which he proved by being like this. his feet took the final steps down to the basement, his mind too familiar with the path for him to think about it and his eyes searched the place casually. at first, he saw nothing. disappointment coursed through him, and answered his earlier conundrum over what he had been hoping for. but then he saw it. a flash of SUNSHINE HAIR, resting lightly against marble. his heart accelerated like an old engine that he wasn’t entirely sure would make it, but after wiping his hands nervously against his trousers, he walked in. the light was dim, and cast shadows on her face. still, she looked. . .

‘ HEY. ’ WORDS HE SPUTTERED, before he lost his nerve completely. after days and days of guessing at what she might feel or what he might feel, he wasn’t sure what he saw on her face now. EXHAUSTION, definitely that constant state of tiredness she was constantly stuck in, even if she wore it so well. it tore at him, and it was the only thing he’d change if he could, even if he was sure she was a MASTERPIECE that he could not touch. ‘ are you doing okay? ’ in hindsight, maybe he should have asked something less direct, or more precise. what if she told him she hated him? she could. he’d get it. he wouldn’t very much like it if his friends went around kissing him just because they FELT LIKE IT.

REALLY, HE JUST WISHED HE WAS BETTER AT READING HER. he hadn’t really minded not being able to before. humans were interesting, but not enough. not like her. the other people he cared about were already used to him; not to mention BIOLOGICALLY programmed to LOVE HIM. he felt his pulse rush, as he tried to look away from the soft indigo and the sheer rose tint of her cheeks but instead, he only managed to look downwards for a moment, arms crossing as he inhaled the familiar scent she brought to the sawdust covered room. it reminded him of the faint taste of SWEET TEA on her lips. as much as he wanted it again, he felt nothing short of DOUBT as he faced her.

' ARE YOU MAD AT ME? I’M SORRY. ’ WAS SHE? HE DIDN’T WANT TO LOSE HER- ‘ I REALLY AM. ’

#all threads #t: natalie macmillan #jatalie #v: main #claritxs

HOME AND AWAY ╱ @entitlcd

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THAT WAS SWEET OF HER. TRUE, IN ITS WAY. but also not true, since jamie had to get the inside scoop on absolutely everything. ‘ you’ll take it too far. you always take it too far, and get way into my business our business. ’ jack pointed out his brother, who was looking at them as if they were playing an exciting game of ping pong. truly, jack did not understand how he was related to the pair of them. josh wasn’t even useful at distracting jamie so that jack could escape, which jack had done for his brother COUNTLESS times. ‘ please talk to him instead. he’s the one who won’t shut up about girls or whatever. ’

GIRLS, PLURAL, WAS A BIT FARFETCHED. but maybe if jack planted the seed of discord onto jamie’s brain, she’d move onto josh and leave him alone. ‘ i don’t think cute is what guys want to be? ’ that’s what josh had said although, really, what did josh know? his brother’s shrug answered jack’s unspoken question, as he began to grow more and more worried. maybe he had done something WRONG. maybe. . . maybe he’d screwed up. jamie knew girls, at least, so... it might help. ‘ look, i’m not answering that question, but. . . i don’t know. it was an attack, and we might die, and i just thought WHY NOT, you know? ’

OH YEAH, THAT SOUNDED ROMANTIC. his head dropped onto the table loudly, for once not caring about destroying brain cells since they were USELESS. jack let out a nervous breath, leg bouncing as he gazed back up. ‘ I WANTED TO KISS HER, BUT- ’ he raised his hands as if that would help him explain. ‘ -i don’t know if that’s what she wanted. i don’t even know if she likes me like that. to be honest, i’m not entirely sure i’m capable of liking someone like that. have you met me?! ’ his closest thing to a crush before was on a girl that worked for jaguar and had let him ride in a classic e-type when he was FOURTEEN.

‘ ACT LIKE WHAT?! WHAT D’YOU MEAN, ACT LIKE I CARE AND LIKE I DON’T? ’ what kind of logic did her brain use?! ‘ you’ll be lucky if i don’t just leg it. i won’t have time to act like two bloody things at once! ’ he was going to embarrass himself. how did he act like he didn’t care? he wasn’t any good at that. which, coincidentally, was evidenced by the fact the mention of LUPIN and ROSIER made him scowl; especially the latter. he would blame the simmering rage on the fact he was natalie’s friend, and not. . . anything else. ‘ you’re right. i don’t even know any jokes and she’s dated them. ‘ they were. . . well, BETTER THAN JACK.

JACK WAS USELESS AT THIS STUFF. GRACE WASN’T- ‘ I THINK I FUCKED UP. I FUCKED UP, DIDN’T I? ’

#all threads #v: main #t: jamie mclaggen #entitlcd

millionsknives

#DAVID IS 100% JACK AND I LIVE FOR IT OK #aesthetic #mood

HOME AND AWAY ╱ @entitlcd

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JACK DIDN’T LIKE SWEARING, BUT FOR A MOMENT? swearing may have been considered, as azure stared at the doorway his sister had appeared from. she looked like something out of a book, all breathless and aghast as if jack had just confessed to being a murderer or something. ‘ jamie, just. . . DON’T. ’ unhelpfully, he heard josh start to chuckle, and then a crunch as if he’d gone back to eating whatever it was he’d been eating. jack didn’t even have it in him to be mad at his brother this one was definitely on him. jack should know better than to whisper anything related to romance and not expect her to come running. ‘ i’m not comfortable and i do not consent to this conversation. ’

LIKE THAT WOULD WORK. he pretended to go back to his food, but his plate was empty, and he was afraid she would tackle him to the ground if he moved from his seat. in the background, josh was still laughing as jamie asked questions; MURDER was not off the table. jack was smart he could make it look ACCIDENTAL. ‘ what i did or didn’t do is none of your business. ’ yes, that was MEAN, right? that would stop her questions? WAIT. . . DID SHE JUST- ‘ did you just ask me if i liked it? ’ at that, he had to look at josh for back-up, but his brother was only doubling over in LAUGHTER. twat. jack stared at his sister, wishing he trusted himself enough to perform the memory charm.

BUT SHE WASN’T THAT BRIGHT TO BEGIN WITH. . . and messing with his sister’s brain felt like a step too far. so instead, he pretended to ignore her. he twisted away from her comically. WAS IT HIS FIRST? . . .no? kind of. not really. but did he feel like he needed help? YES. josh was still cackling with his mouth full of food, so how wise could HE really be? jack chanced a look at jamie. she was crazy, but. . . ‘ FINE. YES. I KISSED HER. ’ he raised his wand, closing the door and charming it so his mother wouldn’t hear. he then widened his eyes at her. ‘ but you’re right, it was an attack, so i shouldn’t have? I WANTED TO, but. . . crap, did i mess it up? i messed it up, didn’t i? ’ . . .NOW BLABBERING?

HE WAS GOING TO TRANSFER. ‘ JAMIE, WHAT DO I DO? ’ HE NEEDED ANSWERS. ‘ DID I MESS IT ALL UP? ’

#all threads #t: jamie mclaggen #v: main #entitlcd

HOME AND AWAY ╱ @entitlcd

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‘ I’M JUST GLAD YOU’RE ALL HOME, SAFE AND SOUND. ’ his mother patted him on the back and dropped a plate of food in front of his brother who jack now understood had been asleep for most of the ATTACK, which sounded. . . not exactly untrue, but he wasn’t sure he believed it either. josh could SLEEP, but that deeply? ‘ the cards told me i’d get an unexpected surprise, and here you three are, HOME way ahead of your half-term break! ’ she rambled on, shaking her head as she cooked and fretted about. not that jack was complaining about that, but he certainly wasn’t. . . IN HIS RIGHT MIND.

NOT BEING IN HIS RIGHT MIND IN FRONT OF HIS MOTHER? it always led to awkward questions, and he tried to hide it, but- ‘ i will be speaking to your father about this. look at you jackie, all rattled. maybe you can commute or study from home. muggle children did it just last year, and they’re. . . well, not fine, but ALIVE. ’ lizzie mclaggen’s hair flew all about the kitchen in her nervous ramblings, and so she missed him shaking his head. JOSH DIDN’T. ‘ alright nerd, chill. ’ he said between mouthfuls, ‘ let the rest of us miss school then. i can still see my friends though, right ma’? ’ MISSING SCHOOL would be highly inconvenient.

‘ OH NO, YOU’LL BE GOING. YOU NEED IT. but jackie, dear- ’ jack’s blue eyes met his mother’s green ones, as josh began to protest, and he knew he needed to look more composed. he wasn’t about to tell her the TRUTH, though he kissed grace. did he want to face her now that he’d done it? no. did he want to quit hogwarts due to it? . . .ALSO NO? ‘ i’m going back to hogwarts, mum. ’ she clicked her tongue and looked annoyed, but luckily his father called her from the other room. when she didn’t argue it further, he felt RELIEF. however, he also felt kind of confused. so, he turned to his brother. . . ‘ JOSH? ’

‘ IF I HAD KISSED NATALIE, WHAT. . . WOULD I DO NOW? ‘ A NOISE. JAMIE? ‘ -YOU DIDN'T HEAR THAT. ‘