I AM DAMARIS

I am a writer. I am a filmmaker. I am a storyteller. I am Damaris.  Purchase Ascent!: http://a.co/3hFNoKn

[simplydamaris]

Fantastical Me (Part 2 of 2)

It had grown. The spot was most definitely bigger, though I wasn’t sure how it was possible. Like a flame it was threatening to grow until consuming the entire mirror. Then again, it wasn’t that big. It just seemed bigger.

           The morning routine grew longer today as the crimson wave made its appearance. Aside from pain and discomfort, it brought with it blemishes to sprinkle my face. Not to mention irritability. For today’s deception a little more makeup would be needed but nothing I hadn’t dealt with before. Soon the blemish on the reflective glass was the last thing on my mind. Only I would see that imperfection but the entire world would see the blemished façade I had developed. That was priority one.

           The new reflective surfaces that covered modern buildings were definitely a favorite of mine. The surface captured the city scene within its grasp for a couple of seconds as it was forever evolving. Capturing and releasing, over and over again. I was glad I had chosen this place to meet-up, as I kept entertained while I waited.

           Then I noticed it, it was rather stranger. I ended up standing beside a reflective surface with the same mark as the mirror at home, in the same place too. What a quirky coincidence. I reached for it, feeling as though I could touch it but something caught my attention right before I could reach it. I turned around thinking he was here but the cab had brought someone else. It was foolish of me to think that he would show up this time, as he hadn’t the previous night we had made plans. There was no reason to try again.

               I was not imagining, the spot was growing. The entire corner was now gone. The burn-like look was gone now too and now that it was bigger I could make it out clearly. It resembled a shadow. It was a shadow the reflection was showcasing that was supposed to be behind me. But as I turned to see, there was no possible culprit to be found. Yet there it was, unmistakable and growing.

           The weight I had gained could now clearly be seen. No shadow or making on the reflection could hide the extra poundage that clung to my sides. But unlike the mirror over my table, the happiness from eating wasn’t accompanying me here.

           Why was my reflection so blunt all the time? It was slowly betraying me, showing me things I didn’t want to see, the flawed complexion that lay down beneath. Where was the perfection I could hardly help but seek?

           It was raining, which automatically elevated my mood. After a week of disappointments, losing the promotion was the icing on a cake that promised a sweet embrace but only brought guilt.

           It was a glorious Saturday indeed, as the rain tapped softly at my windowpane. It encouraged me to look out into the world as it washed it clean. It was as if the passing wind had carried my pleading message to the heavens and rain came softly to the rescue. The view was sublime, as the puddles grew larger in size. They each knew of the feelings I had pent up inside. But something was different on this gloomy day. My reflection below was only partially there.  

           The shadow that began to lurk in my favorite mirror now tainted my reflection below. It had grown. Now half of me was gone. There seemed to be no limit to its growth. My biggest worry was to where my fantasies would go.

           I thought I wanted to be rid of the ordinary taste my life had maintained but now I longed for those simple days. Now each morning I would wake up wondering how much more of my reflection would be gone. The shadow grew larger still, shrouding everything by half of my face.

           I could no longer tell if my makeup was in place. If my outfits hid my weight. If I could walk with my strongest warrior face. Most importantly I could no longer imagine myself a perfect human being. I had lost the fantasies I had worked hard to create. I had lost the happiness and glee of my reflective state. What was the point of only being able to see the reflection of my truthful stare? The sad eyes holding a frustrated glare…

           The fantastical me was all but gone I was stuck in a hopeless reality and the shadow clung to me promised to never leave me alone.    

[simplydamaris]

Fantastical Me (Part 1 of 2)

           Life was mostly ordinary. Sometimes giving less but never giving more. It wasn’t that I expected more, as I knew I wasn’t the fortunate kind, but I could dream. In the realm of dreams the boundaries of reality didn’t exist. In dreams I could be me. In dreams is where I lived.

           It was always a favorite pastime, watching the world pass me by through the reflections around me. A reflection wasn’t reality yet it had the ability to capture a part of it, if only for a second. Within these reflections I could dream up my world, a new world made just for me.

           My favorite were rainy days. Rain made the surface below my feet a series of reflections. Driving through the city as a passenger in a moving car was the best way to experience it. The puddles below held captive the reflection of the cityscape. At the same time, the city was being cleansed by the water accumulating at its feet. As the dirt and grime was being washed away, the distorted image became what kept me grounded in reality. It was the way the city truly looked when we chose to really see it. Yet the city felt new, the air felt fresh and all the while the water made colors pop as they played alongside the rainbow after the rain’s cleansing stay.  

           From puddle to puddle I would jump, from a fictitious reality into another. Playing on the city streets, watching myself grow slowly within.

           As a human taking my shot at being an adult, the mirrors in my place were a treasured escape. I cleaned them daily, seeing within them the woman that I knew I could be.

           Of course I had a preference, my favorite mirror was the one in my room. It was where I put on my makeup, made-up my hair and made sure I was ready to face the day. Most days I felt best in comfy clothes and worn shoes but that wasn’t a warrior’s suit. Instead I wore a ‘stylish’ dress and uncomfortable pumps, to make sure the world knew I was trying.  I knew makeup made promises of perfection but its true premise was deception. It didn’t matter, because it made me feel closer to who I wanted to be. Most importantly it was unacceptable to face the day without a warrior’s face for the world to see. With imperfections gone and a suit of armor on, I was ready to enter the world around me.

           Yet on this ordinary day, there was something astray. There was a blemish on my favorite looking glass.

           It was quite small, almost indistinguishable but there was definitely something there. As most treasured things, I brought the tools I stashed to always keep it clean. I started by polishing the wood that framed the special glass. The center was next and I carefully began to wipe away the stubborn grime. I cleaned and cleaned yet the spot lingered in place. It resembled a burn mark brought by a careless incident. But I couldn’t remember when I could have caused it.

           It clung to the reflective surface with its furrowed outer edges, like a tick to a dog’s fur. No amount of cleaner would do the trick.

           After a couple of rough scrubs, out of breath, I decided to leave it alone. It didn’t matter, it was small enough to ignore. The day commenced and everything else fell into place.

           The shower was my favorite place. It allowed for the ordinary stench of the day to fall from my shoulders. It cleansed the pretense I had to portray of perfection to an unforgiving world. I could be flawed, without the mask that makeup provided. I could wear the comfy clothes that allowed my body to move in a more natural way. Most importantly, it removed the falsehood I prepped in the morning to allow me to simply be me.

           The mirror on top of my table was my second favorite. It made the small room look impossibly larger. Deceiving even the trained eye. Within it I could see the dinner I actually wanted to have. The one that was as fulfilling as it was tasty, unlike the usual calorie conscious plate in front of me. I could swear there was a blemish in the same place as the looking glass in my room, yet the enchanted dream held my attention long enough for me to forget.

[simplydamaris]

[simplydamaris]

Ascent (Persephone’s Trilogy)

I stopped in front of the large mirror that was placed at the entrance to the apartment. I was a simple looking girl, brown hair and brown eyes. Although I had never been overweight, I didn’t have a supermodel’s body. I was of average height. There was nothing remarkable about my appearance. I never bothered to wear make-up and my hair was always a mess around my shoulders. I was still trying to wrap my head around why Gabe had chosen me. I was not special in any way. The hatred in my eyes grew at my reflection in the mirror. I had to look away before I punched the mirror or worse, before I started crying.

-Chapter 4 Part 3 (Ascent)

[simplydamaris]

[simplydamaris]

Ascent (Persephone’s Trilogy)

I put the scroll back inside the cylinder and began to get ready for school. Yesterday hadn’t felt like my last day alive. I had gone to school and put up with all the usual crap. I had talked to Emily, the other lonesome student who gravitated to me since I was just as alone as she was. Our small talk was nothing out of the ordinary. I had gone through the motions I usually went through everyday, even though I knew I wanted to head to the roof that night, close my eyes, and finally be set free.

Today felt different. Gabe had told me that they had failed me. They couldn’t undo what was going to happen. I was going to either jump to fulfill the action I was set out to do yesterday, or I could take him up on his proposal. I didn’t quite understand why they couldn’t save me, although I knew that if I had been presented with that option I would have flatly refused.

But I wore the same shabby clothes I did daily. I had found my worn chucks in the trash bin a couple of time before and therefore now hid them in my room. The first day I had found them in the bin I had also arrived to a stack of new ones in my room. I took my old shoes out of the trash and replaced them with the new ones, without bothering to take them out of their boxes. Now there was a stack of shoes in my closet no one touched and I continued to wear my worn ones.  

I picked up my worn backpack without bothering to check if I had everything that I needed for the school day. Even if it felt as thought the day needed to be different I knew everything was going to be exactly the same.  

Walking through the large apartment, I caught myself looking at my reflection that appeared on many of the surfaces of the furniture in our home. We had an ‘open floor plan’ that my dad had picked out because he wanted us to feel like we were not living in the city. When we were smaller my mom had picked out a quaint home in the suburbs because she never truly liked the city life. When my father started working nonstop he thought that by moving closer to work we would be able to spend more time together. Instead we resided in a cold apartment where I always found myself alone. The openness of the room encouraged the designer my father hired to decorate with modern pieces, which apparently meant furniture that was very reflective. The mirrors and sleek decor was supposed to make the room look even more spacious. I thought the designer was full of crap when he kept boasting these facts to my father. Now walking through the room I realized that I was right.

-Chapter 4 Part 2 (Ascent)

[simplydamaris]

[simplydamaris]

Ascent (Persephone’s Trilogy)

Chapter 4

I woke up in a sweat. It had all just been a dream. It must have been. There was no way that something like that could be anything but a wishful dream that I conjured up because of how I was feeling. I tried to catch my breath as my heart beat loudly against my chest.

It was an odd sensation. The entire night felt hazy much like a dream feels after waking up. It was one of those dreams you want to remember but is gone within a couple of seconds after waking up. I couldn’t quite remember how I had made it back to my room. I could see Gabe clearly in front of me. I could hear his voice perfectly. Yet the night was out of focus. The obscurity made me wonder if it had actually happened.

My room glowed softly in the morning light. I turned to lie on my side, trying to fall back into the oblivion that sleep gifted. As soon as I turned I was staring straight into my mother’s eyes. Her picture was framed on my bedside table. It was one of my favorites, with dad staring at her instead of the camera. The morning light made her face look dreamy in the picture. She was so beautiful. I couldn’t remember her not smiling, even through her treatments that last year. I sighed and turned around, I couldn’t bear to think about her since it just brought up the feelings of emptiness that deepened with each thought.

As I turned, I spotted it. It glistened over the chest of drawers that stood in the corner of my room. The gold looked out of place against my simple decor. My father always wanted to buy me expensive furniture. I knew that he was just trying to make up for not being there. He busied himself with work, which had paid off greatly in his monetary value, but he had discarded us like an old used paper towel. Decorating my room so plainly felt like a defiance to what he had become.

Sluggishly, I approached the gold cylinder. I needed to touch it to make it real. It felt heavy in my hands and the cold metal sent shivers down my body that was still warm from sleep. The cylinder was decorated with ornate leaves and vines. I opened it, vaguely recalling the instructions that Gabe had given me the night before. The top of the cylinder popped open. Within it was as scroll. I slid it into my hands and gingerly unfolded it. The script was written in elaborate calligraphy I would never be able to replicate.

 Assignment:

Persephone Soule.

Present her with her choice.

It had been Gabe’s assignment last night. He knew I was going to need convincing that it had actually happened. He had given me a choice and I didn’t have a long time to decide what to do. Tonight I would either join his cause or I would die. I had asked what would happened if I died but he wasn’t inclined to answer. It was an adventure I had to encounter on my own if I chose to go down that road.  

-Chapter 4 Part 1 (Ascent)

[simplydamaris]

[simplydamaris]

Ascent (Persephone’s Trilogy)

I took my hand away and stood up. I had had enough of this game he was playing when I never even wanted to play it. I was done, even with all of the burning questions still flowing through me. I went to the corner and stood on the ledge.          

           “Wait!” Gabe exclaimed, landing behind me quicker than I was able to turn. “Just let me finish.” His eyes expectantly searched my face for confirmation that I would let him continue. “The demons are growing in numbers. They are getting smarter, faster, and better in battle. We failed at helping you. Although we usually count that as a failure, you, Persephone Soule, you are different.”

           I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I’m sure it was because I didn’t fit in. They were taking pity on me. “So what? This is like a sorry we failed, here is a second shot at life?” My eyes brimmed with tears. “Thanks, but no thanks. I don’t want a do-over. I just want to stop feeling.”

           “Don’t you see, Persephone?” Gabe pulled me down from the ledge. “You feel everything so strongly because you are special. You are shrouded in dark clouds. Your aura is clouded and yet we could see you. Humans who are dark stay dark until they are either taken by the demon that branded them or they regain their light, sometimes with the help of a Guardian and sometimes by helping themselves through the dark times. But you…” He shook his head and chuckled. “You were shining within your darkness. We hadn’t encountered that in so long!” He was happy again, his voice cheery. “Rarely do we ask a human to become a warrior alongside us. It has happened a few times in our history, but we have such a hard time finding a human capable of what the task entails. I am here because we found you. We found you and we need you.”

-Chapter 3 Part 4 (Ascent)

[simplydamaris]

Ascent (Persephone’s Trilogy)

“Well…” He was in a sort of daze. “I know your first instinct is to go through a religious route.” He cleared his throat as he regained control of his thoughts. “They have recorded some of our history, not because we are associated with a specific religion or group, but because religious people are more inclined to believe with no proof. The best way to describe what we are is to say that we are warriors. We fight battles that human beings cannot fight since they cannot see them.”

           I opened my mouth to ask another question but he stopped me with his finger again. This game was hard for me to play. With each answer came more questions. “What happened to your mother?”

           I wondered if he knew which questions were going to sting the most and made it a point to ask those. “She died.” I answered dully. “She passed away when I was very young. She always took care of her health, we would have never guessed she was ill. It took us by surprise when she told us that she had cancer. The first time she had it I was only 5 years old but I still remember her fighting it. She was the most courageous person I knew. Two years later it came back again but was more aggressive. She assured us that she would beat it like the first time but she lost the battle.” I looked at my feet. My worn converse strangely comforting the uneasiness I  felt. “There are so many questions that I have for you.” I looked up to see that Gabe’s face was almost pained and I wondered if along with the thought reading he could also feel my emotions. I almost asked but there was a more important question I wanted answered once and for all: “Why are you here? Why did you stop me?”

           Gabe’s smile returned. “That is two questions.” He shifted his body, swiftly finding a comfortable position before looking directly in my eyes. “I want to apologize, for we have failed you.” He took my hand into his to bring comfort. I knew what he was about to say was going to hurt. “As I was explaining before, we are warriors that fight against demons that attack humanity daily. You can think of it as a never-ending battle between light and dark. Unfortunately, you are clouded in darkness, which is why you jumped. We were unable to protect you from the demon that infected you with suicidal thoughts. Instead, they reached you, branding your soul to a demon that feeds on humans that commit suicide.”

           I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I was branded? I never had a chance? But I had my own thoughts, my own ideas. I decided my actions, no one else did. I decided what happened to me. I had decided to end my own life. This was ridiculous.

-Chapter 3 Part 3 (Ascent) 

[simplydamaris]

[simplydamaris]

Ascent (Persephone’s Trilogy)

“Does it bother you that he works nonstop?” Gabe asked.

           “How…”

He stopped me before I completed my question. “Let’s make a deal.” He hopped off the ledge. He towered over me. When he stood directly in front of me, I managed to feel more insignificant. “For every question I answer, you answer one in return.” He was talking as though this was all a game. I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. I wanted answers, not a guessing game.

           We stared each other down. I knew we were both trying to feel each other out, though if he could read my thoughts I didn’t know why he wanted me to answer questions of his own.

“Fine,” I finally said. “But I would feel better if you wouldn’t pry too much into my head.”

           Gabe chuckled. “I will try, but you are only human.” I was about to ask another question but Gabe held a finger up. “I answered your question, it is my turn.” He sat next to me again and looked up into the skies. He finally looked down and spoke in a serious voice, “Why did you jump?”

           I should have guessed that he was going to ask this but the question still caught me off guard. I stared at him and could feel my face become darker and darker. “You would call me a coward.” I stayed silent while I thought of the best way to explain myself. I doubted I could put it all into words. It was more than a reason. It had been a feeling that grew from deep inside.

           He spoke before I continued. “Death has always been mysterious to human beings. Humans turn more to religion when they feel like their time is near. They hope to cleanse their souls to move on to a better place. There are also humans throughout history that have surrounded themselves in knowledge, hoping to find truth and reason about life in order to better understand death. Now science evolves and prolongs life as much as possible to delay reaching the unknown.” He turned to look into my eyes, which he found staring intently at his.       “Immortality is something humanity longs for simply because of fear. Fearing death is in humanities’ DNA. You on the other hand, jumped straight into it. You faced it, willing to step into the unknown. Some might call it cowardice to not face your reality here on earth but it can be seen as an act of bravery to face the inconceivable.”

           I couldn’t hold his gaze any longer and instead turned up to watch the stars. My heart ached. Not from sadness, but for a longing for more. I yearned to hear everything he wanted to say. I yearned to finally break the walls that my ordinary life had placed around me. I needed to be extraordinary.

“There were many things that pushed me towards that edge. But the biggest reason was because I was alone. When I wasn’t being picked on, I was simply ignored. I moved day to day, going through the motions, but that was not a life to live. There are no people that truly care for me. I have no friends at school since I just don’t fit in. It was easier to completely disappear for good since I have become almost nothing.” I let the words grow stronger as they lingered between us. I was nothing. “What exactly is a Guardian Angel?”

-Chapter 3 Part 2 (Ascent) 

[simplydamaris]

[simplydamaris]

Ascent (Persephone’s Trilogy)

Chapter 3

Gabe quickly threw his left leg over the ledge, straddling it. His face was animated with amusement.  “I hope that makes me neither a scary monster alien nor a cute animated one.”

           “I don’t even think I would categorize you as an alien in general.” My mind tried to make sense of everything.

            “Technically I could be categorized as an alien since I am ‘alien’ to this world and I am not a human being.” He said while performing air quotes when saying the word alien. “I am also ‘alien’ to this country since I am not a permanent resident here.” I looked at him as his smile impossibly grew larger and larger. “But I guess if you felt inclined to restrict my identity and place me in a more specific category, I am a Guardian Angel.” He patted the space in front of him, inviting me to sit down.

           I sat on the ledge but kept both of my feet grounded on the rooftop. “So you are an angel sent from heaven, coming to give me the spiel on why I shouldn’t do what I was about to do? Are you just a glorified salesman trying to sell me religion? Purpose? Salvation?” I didn’t mean to come off quite that bitter but life had been unkind and I wasn’t really in the mood to receive a scolding.

           “Not exactly,” Gabe responded, his face losing some of its delighted nature. He still gleamed with happiness even if stifled for the time being. “Religion is muddy. Humanity is very opinionated and passionate when it comes to religion. This is much simpler than that. This is about good vs. bad. Light vs. dark.”

           He stood up and began to walk on the ledge towards the corner of the rooftop. When he reached it he stood there staring down into the city. I hadn’t noticed when time had begun again but the city below buzzed with life. Only in big cities like this one did life after sunset blossom with more vigor. People always managed to find activities that needed to be completed before going to bed. I knew this all too well. I was sure my father wouldn’t be home for another couple of hours.

-Chapter 3 Part 1 (Ascent)

[simplydamaris]

[simplydamaris]

Ascent (Persephone’s Trilogy)

I turned around. A tall man stood before me. His skin glowed softly into the night. His hair was a brown mess above his head and he stood as if in battle pose, ready to fight at any second. He wore only a skirt looking cloth around the lower part of his body and his torso was decorated with what looked like black war paint. He had tied two pieces of long cloth around his biceps. He carried a sword around his waist and a bow around his back. The most striking thing were the large wings on his back. I could only see the tops of them above his shoulders and the bottoms behind his legs.

           “Good evening,” he repeated, after I had probably stared at him longer than was polite. His smile reached from ear to ear with a genuine happiness. “I should probably formally introduce myself. I’m Archangel Gabriel.” He extended his hand for a handshake. “But like I said before, please call me Gabe.”

           I wasn’t sure what to do. I wanted to shake his hand but it felt like my body was still frozen. My brain signals were getting lost, making me immobile.

           “You aren’t frozen in time anymore.” He lowered his arm. “I know it is a lot to take in. Please take your time.” He made his way to the roof’s edge behind me and sat down, his legs dangling from the side of the roof.

I couldn’t help but stare. I had a clear view of his wings and they were spectacular. The feathers were quite large and flowed with the arching angle of the wings. Their color was a deep honey, making them feel as thought they could radiate warm sunshine.

           I finally regained control of myself. “You are an Archangel?”

-Chapter 2 Part 3 (Ascent)