[auelisse-deactivated20260603]

“it’s gonna hurt the baby!!”

jjk men when you’re sick and sent a thermometer photo thinking it’s a pregnancy test.

various!characters, smau, classified as safe for work but with caution of dirty jokes & mature language, crackfic, ngl non-canon reactions (other than choso tbh), modern!au.

>> 𝓬hoso extra drabble

ⓘ 𝓪ll rights reserved, auelisse on tumblr.

[mimuju]

exbf!toji headcannons ᜊ𐔌๑ ´ ˔ ` ꒱੭

exbf!toji who still has a key to your apartment and uses it at 2 AM, letting himself in like he owns the place. 

you’re half-asleep on the couch when you hear the door click, and you sit up just as he steps into the living room, his frame filling the doorway.

"toji, what the hell are you doing here?" you hiss, pulling your blanket tighter around you. he shrugs, tossing his jacket onto the chair like he still lives there. 

"missed you. figured you missed me too." 

"i don’t," you lie, but your voice cracks, and he grins like he’s already won. 

"yeah? then why you still lettin’ me in, baby?"

exbf!toji who has no job, no money, and no shame about asking you for either. he’s leaning against your kitchen counter, arms crossed, watching you make coffee like he’s got all the time in the world. "you got twenty bucks? just till friday." 

you scoff, not even turning around. "toji, i’m not your fucking atm." 

he steps up behind you, his hands sliding around your waist, his mouth brushing your ear. "c’mon, baby. i’ll make it worth your while. you know i always do." 

you hate how your body reacts, how heat pools low in your belly at the promise in his voice. "you’re such a bum," you mutter, but you’re already reaching for your wallet.

exbf!toji who fucks you like it’s the only thing he’s good at, because it probably is. 

he’s got you bent over your kitchen table, your cheek pressed against the wood, his hand fisted in your hair. 

"fuck, you’re tight," he groans, his hips snapping forward, driving into you so deep you see stars. "missed this pussy. missed how you squeeze me." 

you’re moaning, your fingers gripping the edge of the table, and you hate yourself for how good it feels. "t-toji—fuck—slow downnnn!—" 

"nah," he pants, his free hand gripping your hip hard enough to bruise. "you like it fast. you like it rough. don’t lie to me, baby. i know you better than that."

exbf!toji who still knows exactly how to touch you, like your body never forgot him. 

he’s got two fingers inside you, curling against that spot that makes your legs shake, his thumb rubbing tight circles on your clit. "you’re so wet," he murmurs, his voice low and filthy. "you been thinkin’ about me? touchin’ yourself at night, wishin’ it was me?" 

you’re panting, your hips rolling against his hand despite yourself. "shut up," you gasp. 

he laughs, low and rough. "that’s not a no."

exbf!toji who refuses to leave after he’s done with you, sprawling across your bed like he still belongs there. 

you’re lying beside him, your body still humming, your mind already regretting everything. "you should go," you say, but there’s no conviction in it. 

he rolls onto his side, propping his head on his hand, his dark eyes watching you. "nah. i’m comfortable." 

"toji—" 

"c’monnn, baby. just let me stay the night. i’ll be gone in the morning. i promise." you know he’s lying. 

you know he’ll still be there when you wake up, and you’ll hate yourself for it. but when he pulls you against his chest, his arm heavy around your waist, you don’t push him away.

exbf!toji who gets jealous when he sees you talking to someone else, even though he has no right. 

you’re at a bar, nursing a drink, when a guy approaches you—tall, clean-cut, smiling. you’re laughing at something he says when you feel a presence behind you, a hand on your lower back.

"hey, baby," toji says, his voice deceptively casual. "who’s this?" the guy looks between you two, sensing the tension. 

"i was just leaving," he mutters, backing off. you turn to toji, furious. 

"you don’t get to do that, asshole! we’re not together anymore." 

he leans in, his mouth brushing your ear. "yeah? then why you still lettin’ me fuck you into your mattress every other day?"

exbf!toji who has a filthy mouth and knows exactly how to use it.

he’s got you on your back, your legs over his shoulders, his cock buried so deep you can barely breathe. "look at you," he groans, his eyes raking over your body. "so fuckin’ pretty when you’re takin’ my cock. you love this, don’t you? you love lettin’ me fuck you stupid."

you’re moaning, your hands fisting the sheets, and you can’t even deny it. "toji—fuckk!—" 

"say it," he demands, his thrusts getting harder. "tell me you love it." 

"i l-love it," you sob. "i love it, tojiii! please—"

exbf!toji who leaves bruises on your hips and bite marks on your neck, and you hate how much you like seeing them in the mirror the next day. 

you’re standing in your bathroom, your fingers tracing the purple marks on your skin, when he appears behind you, his arms wrapping around your waist. "sorry ‘bout that, sweetheart. i'll be gentler next time." he says, but he doesn’t sound sorry at all. 

"no, you won't," you mutter. he grins, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. 

"yeah. you're right."

exbf!toji who always comes back, no matter how many times you swear you’re done with him. 

it’s been three months since you last saw him, and you’re finally starting to feel okay again. then your phone buzzes. 

DO NOT ANSWER. [2:03 AM] : u up?

you stare at the message, your heart pounding. you should probably ignore it. you should definitely block him. but your fingers are already typing. 

You [2:07 AM] : the door’s unlocked. and you hate yourself for it, but when he shows up twenty minutes later, smelling like cigarettes and that damn cologne, you let him in. you'll always let him in.

exbf!toji who makes you cum so hard you forget your own name, and then has the audacity to ask if you want to get breakfast in the morning. 

you’re lying in bed, your body wrecked, your mind fuzzy, when he rolls over and looks at you. "you hungry? there’s that diner down the street. the one with the good pancakes." 

you laugh, despite yourself. "toji, you don’t even have the money for pancakes." 

he shrugs, pulling you closer. "i was hoping it'd be your treat." 

you know you should kick him out and finally end this cycle. but his arm is warm around you, and his heartbeat is steady under your ear, and for now, you just let yourself have this quiet moment

--

tags :

babygirl : @sadisticslut666

perm - @whorishminds @besidesjustmyamour @throatgoatgeto @go-go-gadget-autism @thecrazyfangirlthings@grignardsreagent @strawberryshortcakkitty @naammiii @liasacountgothacked @annicishana @my-starlights @error-racoon-404 @afreakforyautja @cupidstrace @iam-souless@sindulgent666 @chewiebee @tojisballhair @ex1acy @palanggaaa@yourlocalcatscammer @ehcilhc @gravecyte @restingoasis @satorupi@laburantesdoll @sxpernova @thethyri @lostgeto @lilytrn @mikaari0 @chososballhair @nanamissilkytie @iwasabs @tojis-juicymantitys @laitifly @farylfordaryl @bl1ndv3lvet @booboobear-12 @6arcxm @sleeplessdancer @chloeee20 @deartoru @neptunezxx @ash273819 @sketchbonked @vanillakirstein @valberryboos @itimisu @livviaaaaa@kebablover @babyluvlol @audreytoru 

[mikibagels-blog]

Once my baby, always my baby ⭐️🦋

[deartokki]

𓏲ּ𝄢 𓂃 𓈒 ˖ kento covers himself while eating u out . . ꒰ １８+ ꒱

kento is the biggest munch you've ever been with! he'll eat it for breakfast, lunch, & dinner if he could（and trust me, he absolutely tries to !）

but there's one little peculiar thing he always does . .

he always covers himself with a blanket over him while his face is buried deep in your sweet core. when he did it the first time you two ever got intimate, you just thought it was something he did out of respect for you and you wouldn't put it past him to do something like that so you let it be.

as time went on though, he continued doing this and so you couldn't help wonder why. so today you decide to find out just that.

while he's ever so sweetly lapping at your slicked folds, you very slowly lift up the blanket and peek in to see your beloved. he doesn't seem to notice at first since you're still letting out those cute whimpers of yours. but then, he soon hears a soft giggle from you and that makes his eyes shoot up to look at you.

and gosh, he looks so goddamn cute & sexy at the same time — so greedily suckling on your puffy clit and stretching you out with those thick fingers of his, it's like he's completely lost in the moment. then . . his eyes flit up to meet yours whose peaking so adorably with that pretty smile on your face.

kento stops like he'd just been caught doing something naughty（technically he had been!）and then his entire face flushes a shade of pink, smushing his cheek to your inner thigh. you'd never seen him get flustered like this & you genuinely feel your heart do flips at how cute he looks.

"honey . ." he mutters, squishing his face even more into the plush of your thighs. ". . what are you doing?"

"just looking at my lovely boyfriend." you muse, running your fingers through his hair. "because he's always hiding himself when he's eating me out."

the flush on his face gets darker as he lets out a tiny groan, embarrassed & bashful. ". . i just get shy about it, sweetheart. i don't know why but i just do."

your heart flutters at his adorable admission, and with that, you lower the blanket back down & you can hear kento hum in delight as he dives right back in to devouring you ❤︎ !

[mnmscribbles]

[darkestbrook]

I hope they pirated Minecraft on those computers. I think Rocky would like it

[millionfish]

[ravmycupine]

The more things change, the more things stay the same....

[sugawarassoulmate]

asking them if they've ever...you know... ft. stoner!sugawara, enemies to lovers!kita, loser!kuroo, and bully!osamu

(uhhh hi im alive lol)

[podcastwizard]

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

[doodle-notes-01]

‘A Stolen Kiss’ by Ron Hicks.

[for-those-who-wait]

You send people to space to save the literal entire world and you still don't trust them to dispense their own drugs

I didn't see any art of this scene so I decided to throw this in the ring because I thought it was very funny

[status-quo-hater]

I think one of the funniest abortion stances I've heard was from my parents neighbor. He's a like, hard-core libertarian viking larper guy who is very tall and very fat and very bald.

He believes a fetus is human with a soul, but also its "basically attacking the woman's body" so if she wants to get rid of it, that's "basically self-defense". He compared it to shooting a home invader. So he supports abortion not as healthcare, but as killing a baby in self-defense

[status-quo-hater]

Y'know I'm so glad someone reminded me of this. Because this was also discussed.

My stepmother did NOT like the way her Libertarian Viking Neighbor framed pregnancy as the fetus "attacking the woman". She incredulously told him this was extremely disrespectful to expectant mothers to portray pregnancy as so violent and negative.

Libertarian Viking Neighbor's response was that people consensually hurt each other all the time, and "there's like a whole community about that, with the acronym the one that starts with a B" And his reasoning was that if the mother was consenting to bring attacked by the baby, it in fact wasn't violent and negative because there was consent.

He brought up people consensually hurting each other, didn't go for one of the obvious answers like boxing or body mods or something, no he went STRAIGHT TO BDSM and he DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE ACRONYM

[dsmsix]

[dsmsix]

[naamahdarling]

"In the same way that your heart feels and your mind thinks, you, mortal beings, are the instrument by which the universe cares. If you choose to care, then the universe cares. If you don't, then it doesn't." -- Brennan Lee Mulligan, D20, Fantasy High

[defilerwyrm]

[animentality]

[ranfordgallus]

The pug-ification of toothless' face is actually unreal dude what the fuck did they do to my aerodynamic dragon

[doberbutts]

Another point that reminds me of my privilege in this world is when I think about the fact that we sell the cure for tuberculosis to people to give to their dogs for a UTI. Millions of people literally die every year because they can't access this medication and I'm giving it to people to shove down their dogs' throats to make them stop peeing in the house. It's one of the more expensive antibiotics and people always whine about the price but then it's not their daughter they have to watch slowly suffocate as bacteria turns her lungs into swiss cheese. It's not their father that coughs and coughs and coughs until he's spitting up blood.

The deadliest infectious disease in human history is cured by the same packet of chewable tabs individually packed in foil. It comes in beef flavor so your dog won't resist taking its meds as much. It's like a hundred bucks for 30 tablets on pretty much any pet pharmacy.

It makes me think about medicine scarcity and how it's all fake in order to get enough capital that you can have individuals with higher net worth than entire countries. And in the mean time, hundreds of millions of people are dead because they don't drive the bottom line.