Main writing blog: Since0202 | Writer of Taking Time and A monster lives here | she/her | Follow back from outlivetheholdover | A collection of things I like
I slammed into him so hard that the force would have hurled me to the ground if his arms hadn't caught me and held me up. It knocked my breath out of me and snapped my head back. His dark eyes opened slowly as the clock tolled again. He looked down at me with quiet surprise.
"Amazing," he said, his exquisite voice full of wonder, slightly amused. "Carlisle was right."
"Edward," I tried to gasp, but my voice had no sound. "You've got to get back into the shadows. You have to move!"
He seemed bemused. His hand brushed softly against my cheek. He didn't appear to notice that I was trying to force him back.
Life is full of choices. Impossible ones. Easy ones. Choices with consequences more dire than what you realized. But that never stopped me from making them with my whole chest.
Paul left late the next morning citing a meeting somewhere up north with Jacob in Toronto. It was both a relief and filled Maya with a sense of dread as she tried to keep her face even when he kissed her goodbye for the fifth time in the brownstone’s foyer. When his hand grazed, then gripped her waist, she had to stop herself from flinching away.
And when the door finally shut behind him, Maya let out a long breath and closed her eyes tightly. There was no way. She was just stressed out, like last year, and must be recovering from that awful cold. It was just a stress response, it had to be. Still, Maya counted off the weeks since her last period over and over in her head. One, two, three, four, five, six, almost seven weeks. The number seven echoed in her mind as she fixed herself some oatmeal and then stared into the distance as she ate at the kitchen island.
Over the next few weeks, Maya practiced avoidance. She avoided Rosalie and Emmett as much as possible, which meant practically living in the library. She avoided Arden’s office, citing her ongoing cold that she wanted to shield him from until she was one hundred percent better, and instead had another TA ferry the papers needed from her hideout in the library, the coffee shop, anywhere else. Maya avoided friends and any sort of social engagement, bracing herself against the winter cold and opting instead to focus on her coursework and options for the summer for another internship.
But most of all, Maya avoided Paul, even though every waking moment she yearned for home, to see him, and smell him enveloping her. She avoided his calls, and only returned them when she knew he’d be out on rounds or in meetings per their shared calendar. She avoided lengthy texts and dodged questions about upcoming plans to see one another, swiftly changing the subject or ignoring it entirely.
The deprivation caused a different kind of ache to develop, almost a cramp in her sides and lower abdomen that had her nearly buckling over in pain on her way to the library once again, one icy February morning. Maya paused, her breath an icy fog in front of her as her nose dripped and eyes watered. Her heartbeat sped up and she felt every joint seem to light on fire at once and then quickly subside as she tried to get her bearings.
Each day was a bargain. Every morning a promise to herself that she’d wait just one more week, one more day, one more hour until she figured things out, or knew for sure what it was. She passed the campus clinic every day on her way to the library, the red signage like a bloody beacon begging her in. But still, she bargained.
She did not, however, avoid Becks or Keye. Instead, she kept her promise and refused to disappear on them. It was easy to avoid conversations about herself with Becks—she was juggling two babies—Ephriam and Novi—and keeping it about her and her day-to-day was no sweat.
Keye was a little harder to keep focused. Maya mostly talked about school, but she could feel in some small tense moments that Keye knew something was off. But she didn’t press it and Maya worked harder to stay light and positive in each new facetime. She assumed that’s why Paul wasn’t banging down her door because she was tangentially avoiding him—Becks was keeping him in the loop and he was practicing trust.
Maya almost felt bad about that.
She felt so much worse about the calls with her mother though. All thoughts about planning the wedding had left her mind with this new stress beating incessantly at the back of her head. Rish, for all her motherly goodness, did not seem to notice this new blooming anxiety in Maya however as she prattled on about colors, venues, and dress shopping. It was enough to just nod along, but it left her with a soft and sick feeling.
Her appointment with her gynecologist came and went without her putting in new birth control. She spent the hours tucked away in the library the week before the semester began, combing through reading and prepping for her upcoming classes. And just tried to keep breathing evenly.
Maya felt like a ghost, floating through campus, a hood up covering her head as she shivered against the biting January chill. Her limbs never felt warm, as if all the warmth was creeping inward protectively. She was so distracted on her way to the library that she didn’t even notice the arm that shot out and grabbed her’s, effectively stopping her in the middle of the quad.
“Maya?” the voice sounded muffled, as if it was underwater for a second. Maya’s gaze was glued to the hand on her cold arm. “Maya? Are you okay?” When she lifted her eyes, she was met with the warm, angled face of Arden. Fuck. She blinked a couple of times to clear away what she hoped was just the foggy look in her eyes before pasting on a hesitant smile.
“Arden, sorry, I didn’t see you.” her voice rasped on the end as if she hadn’t taken a drink of water in awhile. When was the last time she did, she wondered. Arden’s brow furrowed as he took her in quickly, scanning her from head to toe. Maya curled in on herself reflexively as her eyes darted to the side.
“Is everything okay? You missed the TA meeting and I thought—,” Arden sounded genuinely worried. Maya shook her head quickly and took a step away from him.
“Oh gosh, sorry. Yeah, I must have f-forgot. I’ve just been working in the library doing research and…” her voice trailed off, hoping that was sufficient enough of an answer. Arden didn’t seem convinced.
“Is something…has something happened?” Arden’s eyes darted around campus as if looking for someone. Maya’s eyes widened when she realized what he was alluding to.
“No! Oh, no, god no. I’m fine. Really. Just a little distracted. I’m fine. Paul and I are fine,” Maya nearly heard herself begging him to believe her and pulled back further. “I should get going. Sorry I missed the meeting. I’ll be at the next one. Promise!” She tried to give a more reassuring smile, but as she darted around him and hurried toward the library, she could feel his eyes on her back.
Maya closed her eyes as she briefly passed the health clinic this time on the way to the library.
“Hey babe. I finally caught you.” Paul’s warm timber sunk into her bones and made her shiver.
“Hey,” she breathed. Maya had finally answered one of his calls when she couldn’t bear not to hear his voice any longer. The ache abated almost instantly and it made her heart stutter briefly. She was still mildly irritated with the effect Paul had on nearly every part of her, but this time, the relief his voice brought was almost immediate and she couldn’t care to think about anything else.
“How are you?” he broached casually. Maya’s breath hitched and she looked off to the side. She was currently sandwiched between two rolling bookcases, deep in the library. As she pressed the phone harder against her ear she swallowed and nodded, trying to keep the tears from traveling to her voice as she said.
“Fine, yeah good. I just wanted to…” it was no use. She knew he’d hear her distress if she kept speaking. So she decided to try and change the subject. “Where are you?”
“Some roadside motel in Alaska. Jacob wanted us to keep a low profile while we try to scout some tracks.” Maya wrinkled her nose at that. She knew Paul was up north with Jacob off and on looking for something but she hadn’t bothered to ask.
“Do you know what you’re tracking?” Good. She sounded almost normal that time. Paul took a deep breath and Maya thought for a minute he wasn’t going to tell her. But then he said easily,
“Yeah. Another pack.”
Maya’s brows knit together in confusion, “Another pack? Like, a wolf pack?!”
“Yup. Jake has been trying to get in contact with them for the past year. He made brief contact after Novi was born by sheer accident but hasn’t been able to find them since. Quil might be our best bet. He’s got some distant family up here who might be able to tip us off in one direction or another, but Jake has wanted us to hide our presence as much as possible in case they’re spooked.” Maya’s mind was racing.
Why on earth would Jacob be looking for another pack? And how did she not even consider the fact that there may be more than just her tribe’s? A headache bloomed behind her eyes and she tried to will it away.
When she didn’t say anything further, she heard Paul’s voice echo, that faraway, underwater sound indicating that she had drifted away again, “My? You there?”
“Y-yeah, sorry. I…just didn’t realize,” she rubbed her forehead and licked her lips. That temporary relief Paul’s voice gave her each time he spoke abated quicker this time and she was desperate to clutch onto that warmth for just a bit longer.
“Maya?”
“Yeah?” she rubbed her cheeks realizing they were wet with tears.
“Baby, do you need me?” He said it so easily. And the obvious fact nearly made her knees buckle. She nodded her head violently, silently, before swallowing hard and saying:
“No. No, I’m fine. I’m just tired. This semester has been rough and it’s barely started. I’m okay, I promise,” she heard that begging tone creep into her voice again. Paul was quiet for a long time before he replied.
“I love you,” the words held the finality that signaled the end of a call.
“I love you,too.” she said quickly and hung up. When she bit down on her hand to help quell the tears, she knew there was nothing left to do now but the obvious.
For once, Maya called a cab. The snow had begun in earnest as she trekked across campus and she didn’t feel like walking or even taking the bus.
When she tucked into the backseat of the warmth and quiet of the cab, she let out a deep breath after giving the driver her address. He pulled out into the street and started driving carefully across the slick streets.
It had been less than twenty four hours since her call with Paul in the library, but every bit of stress felt washed anew. Maya laid her head back against the seat and closed her eyes, reliving the past hour of her life.
The doctor shut the door behind her and sat at the low stool in front of Maya as she perched on the exam table, her heart thudding loudly in her chest. The doctor gave her what she hoped was a reassuring smile, but it was as if Maya knew the words before she even opened her mouth.
Pregnant. She was, in fact, pregnant.
The doctor glanced down at the clipboard in her lap, rattling off some options but Maya heard none of them. That rushing sound filled her ears until she felt the cool hand of the doctor on her shoulder.
She was standing in front of her. When did she stand up?
“Take your time and come to the front when you’re ready. The nurse will have some paperwork you can take with you to mull everything over. Just let me know if you have any questions, okay?”
Maya felt herself nod and then, she was alone.
Well, almost.
She had looked down at her abdomen and just took several deep breaths. No tears came. No dread, or fear, or upset. Just relief.
Maybe that was the most surprising of all—the immense relief she felt at just knowing.
At some point Maya had gotten up, her legs numb from sitting up on the high exam table and wobbled uncertainty toward the front desk where the nurse gave her paperwork and pamphlets.
The sound of wet tires slowing to a stop in front of the towering brownstone brought Maya back to herself. That relief had stayed with her after she’d left the clinic, but as she paid the driver and ambled up the steps to unlock the front door, she was hit with a wave of exhaustion.
As the door clicked shut behind her in the low light of the foyer, she had only just stuffed the remaining paperwork she had desperately clutched on the drive over down into her bag before she heard that soft, reassuring voice that would find her in every life.
“Maya,” Paul stood next to the foot of the stairs that led upstairs to her room. Her mouth fell partially open as she took him in. He was actually here, dripping from the snow that had instantly melted as it met his too hot skin. His hands were shoved into the front pocket of his dark jeans and his black shirt did nothing to hide his broad, muscular frame.
Maya took three quick steps toward him, the tears already halfway down her cheeks as she crashed into his chest. His hands came up to rest on the back of her head as he leaned down to kiss the top of it. Maya gulped in air as she tried to quiet her sobs but she just couldn’t stop.
“It’s okay, My, I’m here,” he said softly.
For the first time since New Years Eve, she actually felt warm. That aching cold that plagued her limbs melted away instantly as she was enveloped by his warmth, his scent, everything.
Paul’s other hand rubbed against her back gently letting her take her time. It was a good ten minutes before she could pull her head away from his chest and gaze up at him without gasping through her tears. The relief pulsed in her like a new heartbeat.
“What are you doing here?” she breathed, unable to ask anything else. Paul’s gaze changed to studying her, his eyes darting around her face as if he was reading something new. It took everything in her not to dip her face away so he couldn’t see what she felt was written all over it now.
His hand crept to cup her cheek, the cold flush now infused with searing warmth from his hand.
“I needed to see you,” he said simply. “Our last conversation was…” he didn’t finish and Maya just nodded. “You look exhausted, babe.” Worry coated his eyes as he said it.
Maya nodded again, knowing if she spoke for too long, the truth would tumble out. She would tell him, eventually she knew she would, but right now, she just needed to sleep, preferably wrapped around him. Paul took his cue and picked her up under her knees and bridal-style carried her up the stairs to her room.
He undressed her carefully, found soft pajamas in her dresser and pulled them on her with ease. Maya was sobbing quietly, holding onto his biceps as she stepped into the long pajama bottoms he held out for her. He kissed the tears on her cheeks and pulled back the mess of covers for her so she could crawl in.
Paul wasn’t far behind her after he stripped down to his briefs and pulled her quickly into his arms as Maya cried until everything in her fell under to the sweet relief of sleep. All the while, Paul continued to whisper reassuring words against the top of her head.
Maya woke with a start and glanced around. The bed was empty and it took her a minute for things to come into focus. How long had she been out? The room was dark and void of sound except for the occasional cricket outsides. Crickets?
As the fog slowly cleared from her mind, she got out of bed, her feet touching the soft squishy bed of moss that sprawled out in every direction. Glancing toward the window, Maya realized that the moon was full, shining bright and eerie through her french doors that had pushed themselves open. A small, cold wind pushed around the white mist that hung just above the moss, causing it to curl and creep toward her as she padded quietly over to the balcony that lay beyond.
Maya swallowed thickly, a great unease growing in her stomach as she walked slowly toward the open double doors. As she looked around her dark bedroom, the damp smell of earth invaded her senses, and suddenly there were wide trunk evergreens and ferns growing around her armoir, her bed, and vanity. This forest was familiar, but it didn’t feel like the one from home. And still, that unease grew. It didn’t help that as she approached the doors, a deep rumbling became to sound throughout the forest.
When she dared to take a breath, her exhale came out in a fog around her. The tips of her toes touched the threshold of her balcony doors that now rested in the middle of the forest, and beyond it, it was simply pitch black. Maya squinted into the darkness as the rumbling grew louder from the other side, her breath coming much quicker now.
She knew she should be scared, and that something was coming. But she couldn’t find it in herself to run or let herself be afraid. The dark beyond the threshold of the door was beckoning her, a soft whisper pulling her closer to hear. And Maya wanted to know what it was saying.
Chills ran down her arms and legs, exposed to the drifting cold coming in through the doorway. The rumbling grew louder, as if the sound of great large feet pounded on the forest floor and were headed straight toward her. Still that sound beckoned her, knew her name even.
She took one step onto the threshold, a deep and sharp cold covering her foot as the sound grew:
‘Mayaaa, mayaaa, maya, maya-maya-maya-maya!’
“Maya!”
Strong, warm hands gripped around her stomach and pulled her back against a warm body. Maya’s eyes had shot open at the sudden warmth with a gasp and she began to pant, as if realizing she had been holding her breath.
She was standing in front of her balcony doors. They were pushed wide open to the cold wind and snow that had started to fall in the middle of the night. A single footprint in the thick snow just past the threshold of the double doors showed how far she had made it in her sleep. Paul gave her a moment to catch her breath, still holding her tightly to him, his hand absently rubbing across her belly and sides.
“You were sleepwalking,” he said, the concern evident in his voice. Maya closed her eyes a moment and rested her hand over his as it stilled on top of her stomach. “Has this been happening a lot?”
“I–,” her voice seemed to crack some then and Paul’s hands instinctively tightened on her. Maya was so tightly wound with the weight of everything that she thought she’d burst.
“Baby, please,” he was almost begging now, his lips coming to kiss the expanse of her shoulder, “What is it? What’s wro—”
“I’m pregnant,” she whispered. He’d heard her. His lips had stopped their journey toward her neck and she felt his body go stiff. His hands twitched ever so slightly against her stomach and the quiet was all of the sudden deafening. Maya focused on the snowflakes that started to fall gently onto her balcony. But he turned her slowly to face him, and cupped both of his hands on either side of her face and lifted it slowly up and up to look at him.
“You’re..” his words seemed stuck, a slight sheen of tears in his overwhelmingly hopeful eyes. Maya was trembling in his hold though and the immense weight of everything still sat heavy on her heart. He tried again: “You’re pregnant?”
Maya couldn’t hold it in any longer, a sob of relief broke from her throat as she nodded, tears streaming wetly down her cheeks. Paul still held her face in both of his hands as she frantically nodded. Just admitting it to him relieved the weight of that stress she had been carrying for weeks. She couldn’t see him clearly through the tears but she felt him start to tremble. Maya let her hands fall to his waist as he brushed the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs.
It felt like forever, the dam of stress breaking and washing relief through her body as she sobbed into his hands but when she could finally breathe, the sobs still hiccuping from her chest involuntarily, she saw him smiling around his own tears as he gazed down at her with so much love and concern.
“Really?” His voice was a deep well of emotion and it pulsed through her, filling her with warmth and relief. She nodded fervently again and managed to squeak out a barely audible,
“Yes.”
His lips pressed firmly to her mouth, his hands still cradling her face as bubbling laughter broke free from him.
“It’s going to be okay,” he murmured against her lips, his arms falling to wrap around her tightly. He pulled back just enough to meet her eyes, “It’s going to be okay. You’re okay,” Paul’s voice soothed.
Maya gulped down air trying to quell the tears that continued to fall in earnest, but it was no use. Everything she had been trying to hold together for the past month had broken open and there was nothing left to do but let it all spill out. And Paul was there to catch her.
He was always there to catch her.
Maya’s body shook against his as she continued to cry, letting each wave of relief his calming voice gave her seep deep into her bones. She sank further against his chest, letting herself relax as he swayed her gently from side to side.
“Everything’s going to be okay, My,” he whispered into her hair.
And it would be, wouldn’t it?
Maya woke up groggy the next morning. The light filtering in from the windows was low enough that she couldn’t really tell what time it was, but snow was still falling steadily outside. As she turned over, she let her hand automatically reach for Paul next to her, but he wasn’t there.
She sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes and looked toward her bedroom door where it sat partially open, a shadow walking back and forth slowly on the landing as he spoke in low tones.
He must be on the phone, she thought. He was speaking in a calm, quiet way that set her belly warming. Paul was here. And he said everything would be alright. And he knew now.
There was so much relief in him just knowing that she was pregnant. Was that normal?
Maya ran a hand through her disheveled hair and blew out a breath. Somehow telling him made it all the more real. She knew it would but now that relief started to be eaten away by the worry of what would come next.
Would he try to take her back to the rez? Would she essentially be put under house arrest? He had been getting so much better with giving her space and trusting her and their relationship despite the distance and now…this.
Maya looked down at her flat stomach and swallowed thickly. She heard the warm murmuring of Paul on the phone cease and the door creak open softly. As she looked up at him, she couldn’t help but gasp softly.
He always seemed to take her breath away, this beautiful man who had chosen her in so many ways outside of the imprint and now they were hurtling toward an all too certain and serious future. But still, Maya just felt relieved that he was here. He placed his phone in the backpocket of his jeans as he walked slowly toward her and sat on the bed.
Maya smiled softly as he reached out and touched her cheek, letting his thumb swipe back and forth across her jaw for a moment before letting it fall to the bed.
“How are you feeling?” his voice was gruff and sleepy. Maya nodded and said just as softly,
“Good. How are you?” she paused and then, “Feeling, I mean.” She unnecessarily clarified. He was watching her intently as if one wrong move and she would flee like a startled doe.
But Maya had never felt more solid under his wary gaze.
“Good,” he said. And then, a smile like the New York City sunrise broke over his face as he looked down at the bed, sheepish even, and let out a warm chuckle, “Really, really good.”
When he looked back up, Maya was smiling wide now and nodded her reassurance. He let himself soak in that joy for a few more seconds before schooling his face into one of serious reassurance and said, “My, look, I know this is bad timing and I’m not asking you to decide anything, but I—”
“Paul,” she cut him off, reaching across the mattress to place her hand on his. “It’s okay. This is good.” He watched her again carefully and then let loose a long sigh before collapsing fully on the bed staring up at the ceiling. And then, he just started laughing.
The sound filled Maya up, causing butterflies to fill in her stomach and run goosebumps down her arms. He was happy and that realization filled Maya with so much joy she thought she’d burst.
Maya’s smile stretched wider as she laughed softly shaking her head as he wiped an errant tear from his eye and took a deep breath, settling his laughter after a couple of minutes.
“Fuck,” he breathed out softly, turning his head on the bed to look at her to make sure she hadn’t disappeared on him.
“Fuck is right,” Maya sighed, not quite letting go of her smile. She was terrified, she couldn’t negate that fact as it bubbled somewhere beneath the surface, but right now, that worry was smoothed over with the salve of Paul’s joy.
“Can we talk about it now?” he said slowly. Maya took a deep breath and leaned up against the headboard, nodding her head and running a hand through her disheveled hair. Paul leaned up on his elbow and set his other hand on her exposed thigh, stroking gently.
“Yeah, let’s talk,” she said with some finality in her voice.
“Have you been to the doctor yet?” Paul’s tone was gentle, so gentle. And Maya knew he was treading carefully.
“Not yet, no. I had it confirmed at the campus clinic, but…nothing officially looked at,” she looked down at her stomach and raised her eyebrow.
“Can I come with you, then?” Maya looked up quickly, her face filled with loving surprise. He seemed unsure.
“Of course. Yes, I want you there,” she replied earnestly. He had to know she wanted him there. Here and now and into their future. “I’ll call today and see about getting something scheduled this week.” Maya reached for her phone and then paused to look at him. “You’ll be here this week, right?” Now it was her turn to be uncertain.
“Yeah, I’m not going anywhere,” he responded quickly. They were trading reassurances and something about that made Maya glow.
“Good,” she opened her phone and checked her calendar briefly before setting it in her lap to look at him again. “I’m not going back to the rez until the end of the semester.” She needed to say it now, before he got any ideas.
She saw his jaw tick with tension but he nodded, “Of course. I won’t make you leave, but I need to stay here with you. We can go back together when the semester is over.”
“Right,” she nodded and felt a flush of relief. At least that felt good. “What about pack duties? Won’t Jacob need you?”
“He can deal for awhile. And he’ll understand,” Paul said firmly, “When we decide to tell him, that is.” That made Maya smile. It felt like he was choosing her all over again. She tried to hide the blush that came over her cheeks and then took another deep, steadying breath.
“Wait, who were you on the phone with just now?” her curious gaze followed his as he looked toward her open bedroom door for a moment.
“Rosalie,” he said with not much regret in his voice as he normally held for her, “She and Emmett are on their way back to keep you company while I take care of something up north for a couple days.” His tone was casual, but he seemed anything but. The tension holding onto his body made Maya’s pulse tick with worry.
“I thought you were staying here,” Maya let out a laugh of surprise and couldn’t help placing a hand over her stomach. Paul’s eyes zeroed in on the movement and stared at her hand for a half second longer than he probably meant to before looking back up at her. She let her hand drop to her side as she stared at him.
“I won’t be gone very long and it’s something that needs to be done. Don’t worry, I won’t miss anything,” he promised. Maya made to stand but he grabbed her wrist and tugged her toward him. Maya crawled toward him up on her knees and braced her hands on his broad shoulders.
She leaned down to place a soft kiss to his lips and he wrapped his arm around her pulling her closer, sitting up and making her straddle him across his lap. When he finally broke free from the kiss, Maya took a deep breath. He was smiling that crazy affectionate smile at her again and it made something tighten sweetly in her belly.
“Pregnant, huh?” he said in a low tone, his warm breath fanning across her face.
Maya rolled her eyes playfully and he tightened his arm around her, “Yeah, how’d that happen, I wonder?” she teased.
“I didn’t mean to,” he chuckled, shaking his head and brushing the tip of his nose against hers.
“Uh huh,” her tone dripped with sarcasm.
“I am happy though,” his lips brushed ever so lightly across her own, teasing her, making her start to feel so very warm at the apex of her thighs.
“I am too,” Maya replied after a moment.
“Are you?” he asked with that same edge of uncertainty in his voice. Maya rolled her hips against his and he let out a groan. When she just nodded, he nipped at her lower lip and said in that warm, gravelly voice that sent sparks shooting down her spine, “Show me how happy you are then.”
His lips were on her throat, sucking and nibbling making Maya squirm on his lap. She tipped her head back to give him more access and let loose a self-satisfying moan that she felt vibrate the skin of her throat against his warm lips.
Paul’s hands gripped her waist tightly under her sleep shirt, trailing kisses down her collarbone and back up her throat. She could already feel how hard he was beneath her and she rolled her hips again seeking friction against him. Maya’s hands coasted down his chest and pulled up his shirt over his head quickly before diving toward him. He fell back onto the bed, taking her with him as she sat on top of him.
There wasn’t much left to remove between them and in a flurry of quick movement and a rustling of sheets, Maya was suddenly naked atop him and lowered herself slowly onto him, tipping her head back in a moan of relief.
There was no more avoidance, no need to keep anything hidden. She felt blown wide open with the realization that they—she—was pregnant. Her whole life had changed in a matter of years and all that mattered now was having Paul with her in this moment.
She looked down at his face, open and vulnerable in his own relief and exaltation. Their eyes connected and that familiar anchoring feeling that she knew was the imprint cinched inside her. Maya braced her palms on his bare chest as she rocked herself up and down his length, panting and reveling in the thrill of connection between them.
The unknown used to terrify Maya, and in some ways it still did. But right now, this made sense and she was going to chase that feeling to help keep her afloat these next seven months and beyond.
Paul gripped her hips in his hand, rolling his hips up to meet hers firmly as a groan of appreciation spilled from him. Maya leaned down to connect their mouths in a soft and heady kiss letting the morning take them in in all it’s slowness and quiet.
Maya shuffled precariously on the icy sidewalk, Paul’s hand gripping hers, as they made their way toward the OBGYN’s office. Carlisle had recommended them and made sure Maya was able to see them within just a few days of Paul returning from his “last” excursion up north in search of the elusive pack he and Jacob had been tracking for months.
Maya hadn’t even tried to ask any more questions around that little sidequest, she was too engrossed in her world tilting and shifting as she came to grips with her new reality. It didn’t help that Rosalie had been a flurry of excited activity in the house since Paul had let them know the other morning. With all of the attention and talks and excitement brewing in their townhome, Maya was happy to have a moment’s reprieve alone with Paul, as they made their way to their ultrasound appointment.
The office was extravagantly comfortable and although Maya had long ago given up on feeling out of place when being taken care of by the Cullens, or Paul for that matter, she was still nervous when the well dressed (and frankly well rested) nurse guided her and Paul back to their private examination suite.
The whole experience felt more like a trip to the spa than anything, wrapped in a soft terry cloth robe, on top of a warming medical bed that smelled like a calming blend of eucalyptus and rosemary.
Her doctor—Dr. Franklin—was overwhelming kind and talked her through everything as she ran some diagnostics, completed her exam and slowly set up the ultrasound machine. Paul was determinedly asking his own questions, his brow furrowed as if he was taking notes to every answer he was given. Things like: “When will she experience morning sickness? What can I do to make her more comfortable? Are there therapies that we should be considering or treatments that will help her body transition more comfortably as she progresses?”
Some of the questions truly had Maya floored. What did Paul know about imprint pregnancies that she didn’t just yet? She’d have to ask Becks.
Becks. And Keye. Fuck. Maya needed to tell them and soon. She and Paul weren’t planning on returning to La Push until spring break, which wasn’t until the end of March. But there was no way she could go that long without telling them what was up.
She made a mental note to facetime them this week to let them know when she heard the Dr. Franklin’s voice pull her from her reverie.
“Ready, Maya?” she said softly, holding the wand aloft.
“Oh! Yes, sorry. Was lost in my thoughts for a second there. The to do list is getting long,” Maya laughed to herself and she undid her soft robe to expose her belly. Paul stood next to her, refusing the comfortable rolling stool they’d offered him earlier. He gripped her hand in his and smiled down at her.
Her stomach still looked relatively flat but she was starting to feel a small rounding below her belly button that had given her a moment of pause.
The warm gel was smoothed gently across her belly followed by the warm pressure of the ultrasound. Dr. Franklin found the image she needed with ease and smiled at the display as the little shape came into view. She learned over and touched the screen to turn on the speakers and a reassuring wet thumping sound filled the room.
It was like the sun sparkling through gentle rain in Maya’s vision, as she listened, enthralled by the small, echoing sound and the fluttering heart on the screen.
“Looking good, you two. I’d say preliminary measurements are putting you at about 8 to 10 weeks. Heartbeat is strong and the sac around looks good. All signs point to healthy, but we’ll get a much firmer picture with your results here soon,” Dr. Franklin smiled up at them and Maya just sucked in a sharp breath.
Her own heart was racing and she had been flooded with so much joy that time had seemed to stop. Only Dr. Franklin’s soft voice reached her in that room with the reassurance that their baby was there, healthy, perfect probably.
Maya tore her eyes away from the screen to look up at Paul. His own eyes were glued to the fluttering image, his mouth slightly open and tears gently rolling down his cheeks. He was stunned, just as Maya had been just a moment ago. Completely glued to the realization that this was real, and they were on their way to becoming parents.
“Paul,” Maya barely said above a whisper. He blinked suddenly as if he was coming out of a trance and looked down at her. There was something new there, but the feeling was the same. Joy, unfiltered, unfettered joy. He let out a wet laugh and leaned down to kiss her before turning his head to look at the screen again.
“I’ll get these printed out,” Dr. Franklin said with a knowing smile on her face as she took more pictures with her wand.
Maya was tucked into the oversized armchair within the study biting her fingernails as she tried to get up the courage to begin the facetime call with Keye and Becks. She’d coordinated a call earlier that week, just a few days after her ultrasound, and had been putting off the call in her mind so that she could catch up on some school work.
Everything had been put on hiatus, her pending internships, her summer plans, even the wedding. And now she was trying to come to grips with telling….everyone.
It had been somewhat easy, just having Paul, Rosalie and Emmett knowing. It felt quieter, more contained and Maya was able to enjoy the small moments of realization that this pregnancy had on her as they came without the onslaught of everyone’s emotions and excitement. She knew it might be selfish, maybe even a little unfair, but this moment was something she’d never really truly have again and she had just wanted to hold onto it for a bit longer before opening it up to everyone else.
But that time was quickly coming to an end. Her mother had been calling her nearly non stop wanting to finalize some decorations and venue ideas for the wedding. And get her fitted for a dress.
There was no way she could do a wedding while managing school and her very first pregnancy. So she had to tell them.
Paul was tucked away in the enclosed office within the study, separated only by two glass french doors. He was on the phone with Michael, rearranging projects and setting up new ones based on Maya’s delivery date.
August 22nd. She was due to give birth on the first day of her final year at Columbia. The irony was not lost on Maya.
Paul had been as buoyant as a newly inflated balloon, happy and nearly bouncing from task to task as he managed his client meetings, ferried Maya to and from campus, took her out to lunches and dinners, and made sure every spare moment they had was spent reconnecting.
Maya sank deeper under the warm blanket and stared at her phone screen. It was now or never. She hit the video icon and watched as her face filled the screen.
Keye was first to pick up, munching on chips and walking to a different room in the apartment she shared with Leah.
“Bout time! Thought you were never going to call me back,” Keye said with only a small joking tone. Maya rolled her eyes.
“Some of us stay busy. Not my fault I've been buried under a mass of new papers since the new year,” Maya gave the excuse so easily. Keye took another bite of her chips as Becks beautiful round face filled the screen.
“Hi, hi! Sorry! Just got Novi down,” Becks said nearly breathless as she wandered into her expansive kitchen, “My, jesus you look gorgeous.” Maya’s eyebrows shot up.
“Do I? I mean, I’ve been sleeping a bit better, but I just assumed that’s because Paul is here,” Maya rubbed her cheek self consciously.
“I dunno, maybe it’s the light, but whatever you’re doing, it's working,” Becks replied sweetly as she busied herself putting away dishes. She had propped her phone up on the counter and Maya’s eyes wandered around the backdrop to see if there was any sign of Jacob.
“What about me, Becks? Where’s my gushing complement?” Keye bemoaned. Becks scoffed and rolled her eyes at that.
“As if I need to inflate your gorgeous, fabulous, head any more. You always look radiant,” Becks soothed.
“Thank you!” Keye proclaimed before shoving another handful of chips.
“So what’s going on with you two? Fill me in,” Becks said wiping her hands on a dish towel.
“Well—” Maya started, trying to keep her voice even.
“DUDE! I was gonna tell you the other day but you had to jump off the call because Ephi had like, pooped a pants load or something but, do you remember Janie Shortfeather?!” Keye cut in. Maya took a deep breath and played with her lower lip as she watched Becks eyes widen at Keye’s gossip.
“Yeah, didn’t she run off with that one guy—” Becks squinted her eyes trying to remember.
“Mike Waterfield!” Keye proclaimed, “YEAH! She did, but guess what?!”
“What?” Becks said as she pulled some fruit near her and started chopping. This was easy, Maya could let them banter and she could just casually drop it in. No need to drop the bomb right away. The nerves fluttered endlessly in her stomach as Keye rambled on about the scandal that was Janie Shortfeather and Mike Waterfield’s older brother Trevor who had apparently sleeping with Janie on the side. How Keye knew this rez-only information while not being on rez was beyond Maya.
After about twenty minutes, Keye’s gossip had come to a close and she scrunched up her face in disgust.
“Oh fuck, I’m sorry Maya, I cut you off earlier. What were you going to say?” Keye said. Maya’s eyes widened again and she sat up a little straighter. Her heart thundering in her chest.
“No, it’s fine, I just…wanted to talk to you guys about the wedding and tell you that, um—” Maya paused for just a few seconds before Becks’ gasp filled her ears. “What?!” Maya asked in a hurry. Had Becks just seen it written all over her face? How did she know?!
Becks face was close to the screen as if she was reading something intently.
“Oh. My. God. OH MY GOD!” Becks squealed.
“What?!” Keye asked only a little annoyed.
“Guess who’s pregnant!?” Becks said, her face a shining beacon of pure elation. Maya’s mouth dropped open in shock and she looked toward the double french doors. Paul was still on the phone but he glanced over at her and raised a concerned eyebrow. She must have looked terrified.
When Maya looked back at the screen, Becks’ eyes were welling with tears.
“I wanted to—” Maya began to apologize.
“Sadie and Seth!” Becks said at the same time as Maya began to explain.
“WHAT?! THAT LITTLE TWERP!” Keye got up from her bed that she had been lounging in and ran toward the other room, no doubt to include Leah.
Maya let out a sigh and then her own brows knit together.
“THIS IS SO EXCI—,” Becks was dancing around her kitchen.
“LEAH!” Keye was nearly breathless, “Did you know that—”
“He just called me,” Leah reassured her, her own face beaming.
“Oh my god!” Keye proclaimed as she tumbled into Leah’s lap in a giggling heap.
“I gotta call you back, Sadie’s calling me,” Becks said as she quickly toggled offscreen.
“Dude, this is so like him,” the muffled voices of Keye and Leah floated out to Maya. Keye had dropped her phone and it had sunk somewhere in the couch. No doubt Keye had completely forgotten she was on the phone.
Maya ended the facetime and let out a long sigh.
“How’d it go?” Paul was suddenly there, leaning against the now open door frame to the office.
“Sadie’s pregnant, too,” Maya said slowly, “I didn’t even get a chance to tell them.” Maya wasn’t even upset, she was just simply floored by the flurry of excitement.
Paul’s face was pure laughter as he shook his head at her. “Try again tomorrow, they’ll be just as excited for you I bet.”
“We’re gonna give the council a heart attack. Two pack pregnancies?” Maya joked. Paul had his arms crossed over his chest as he chuckled and nodded.
“Yup, dream come true,” he looked down at the floor and froze for a half second as if realizing something and his eyes glazed over with confusion.
“Paul?” Maya asked, “You good?”
He looked up at her and smiled reassuringly, but that strange look was still there, “Yeah, fine. Just thinking. Anyways, call them back tomorrow and tell them.”
“Right,” Maya said looking down at her phone. The imprint group chat was exploding with messages of congratulations for Sadie and already they were throwing out ideas for a celebration.
Maya, when are you and Paul going to rez-side again? Emily asked in the groupchat.
End of next week. Maya responded.
She had one more ultrasound scheduled before they left for spring break. And then all hell was bound to break loose at the news.
Life is full of choices. Impossible ones. Easy ones. Choices with consequences more dire than what you realized. But that never stopped me from making them with my whole chest.
Paul left late the next morning citing a meeting somewhere up north with Jacob in Toronto. It was both a relief and filled Maya with a sense of dread as she tried to keep her face even when he kissed her goodbye for the fifth time in the brownstone’s foyer. When his hand grazed, then gripped her waist, she had to stop herself from flinching away.
And when the door finally shut behind him, Maya let out a long breath and closed her eyes tightly. There was no way. She was just stressed out, like last year, and must be recovering from that awful cold. It was just a stress response, it had to be. Still, Maya counted off the weeks since her last period over and over in her head. One, two, three, four, five, six, almost seven weeks. The number seven echoed in her mind as she fixed herself some oatmeal and then stared into the distance as she ate at the kitchen island.
Over the next few weeks, Maya practiced avoidance. She avoided Rosalie and Emmett as much as possible, which meant practically living in the library. She avoided Arden’s office, citing her ongoing cold that she wanted to shield him from until she was one hundred percent better, and instead had another TA ferry the papers needed from her hideout in the library, the coffee shop, anywhere else. Maya avoided friends and any sort of social engagement, bracing herself against the winter cold and opting instead to focus on her coursework and options for the summer for another internship.
But most of all, Maya avoided Paul, even though every waking moment she yearned for home, to see him, and smell him enveloping her. She avoided his calls, and only returned them when she knew he’d be out on rounds or in meetings per their shared calendar. She avoided lengthy texts and dodged questions about upcoming plans to see one another, swiftly changing the subject or ignoring it entirely.
The deprivation caused a different kind of ache to develop, almost a cramp in her sides and lower abdomen that had her nearly buckling over in pain on her way to the library once again, one icy February morning. Maya paused, her breath an icy fog in front of her as her nose dripped and eyes watered. Her heartbeat sped up and she felt every joint seem to light on fire at once and then quickly subside as she tried to get her bearings.
Each day was a bargain. Every morning a promise to herself that she’d wait just one more week, one more day, one more hour until she figured things out, or knew for sure what it was. She passed the campus clinic every day on her way to the library, the red signage like a bloody beacon begging her in. But still, she bargained.
She did not, however, avoid Becks or Keye. Instead, she kept her promise and refused to disappear on them. It was easy to avoid conversations about herself with Becks—she was juggling two babies—Ephriam and Novi—and keeping it about her and her day-to-day was no sweat.
Keye was a little harder to keep focused. Maya mostly talked about school, but she could feel in some small tense moments that Keye knew something was off. But she didn’t press it and Maya worked harder to stay light and positive in each new facetime. She assumed that’s why Paul wasn’t banging down her door because she was tangentially avoiding him—Becks was keeping him in the loop and he was practicing trust.
Maya almost felt bad about that.
She felt so much worse about the calls with her mother though. All thoughts about planning the wedding had left her mind with this new stress beating incessantly at the back of her head. Rish, for all her motherly goodness, did not seem to notice this new blooming anxiety in Maya however as she prattled on about colors, venues, and dress shopping. It was enough to just nod along, but it left her with a soft and sick feeling.
Her appointment with her gynecologist came and went without her putting in new birth control. She spent the hours tucked away in the library the week before the semester began, combing through reading and prepping for her upcoming classes. And just tried to keep breathing evenly.
Maya felt like a ghost, floating through campus, a hood up covering her head as she shivered against the biting January chill. Her limbs never felt warm, as if all the warmth was creeping inward protectively. She was so distracted on her way to the library that she didn’t even notice the arm that shot out and grabbed her’s, effectively stopping her in the middle of the quad.
“Maya?” the voice sounded muffled, as if it was underwater for a second. Maya’s gaze was glued to the hand on her cold arm. “Maya? Are you okay?” When she lifted her eyes, she was met with the warm, angled face of Arden. Fuck. She blinked a couple of times to clear away what she hoped was just the foggy look in her eyes before pasting on a hesitant smile.
“Arden, sorry, I didn’t see you.” her voice rasped on the end as if she hadn’t taken a drink of water in awhile. When was the last time she did, she wondered. Arden’s brow furrowed as he took her in quickly, scanning her from head to toe. Maya curled in on herself reflexively as her eyes darted to the side.
“Is everything okay? You missed the TA meeting and I thought—,” Arden sounded genuinely worried. Maya shook her head quickly and took a step away from him.
“Oh gosh, sorry. Yeah, I must have f-forgot. I’ve just been working in the library doing research and…” her voice trailed off, hoping that was sufficient enough of an answer. Arden didn’t seem convinced.
“Is something…has something happened?” Arden’s eyes darted around campus as if looking for someone. Maya’s eyes widened when she realized what he was alluding to.
“No! Oh, no, god no. I’m fine. Really. Just a little distracted. I’m fine. Paul and I are fine,” Maya nearly heard herself begging him to believe her and pulled back further. “I should get going. Sorry I missed the meeting. I’ll be at the next one. Promise!” She tried to give a more reassuring smile, but as she darted around him and hurried toward the library, she could feel his eyes on her back.
Maya closed her eyes as she briefly passed the health clinic this time on the way to the library.
“Hey babe. I finally caught you.” Paul’s warm timber sunk into her bones and made her shiver.
“Hey,” she breathed. Maya had finally answered one of his calls when she couldn’t bear not to hear his voice any longer. The ache abated almost instantly and it made her heart stutter briefly. She was still mildly irritated with the effect Paul had on nearly every part of her, but this time, the relief his voice brought was almost immediate and she couldn’t care to think about anything else.
“How are you?” he broached casually. Maya’s breath hitched and she looked off to the side. She was currently sandwiched between two rolling bookcases, deep in the library. As she pressed the phone harder against her ear she swallowed and nodded, trying to keep the tears from traveling to her voice as she said.
“Fine, yeah good. I just wanted to…” it was no use. She knew he’d hear her distress if she kept speaking. So she decided to try and change the subject. “Where are you?”
“Some roadside motel in Alaska. Jacob wanted us to keep a low profile while we try to scout some tracks.” Maya wrinkled her nose at that. She knew Paul was up north with Jacob off and on looking for something but she hadn’t bothered to ask.
“Do you know what you’re tracking?” Good. She sounded almost normal that time. Paul took a deep breath and Maya thought for a minute he wasn’t going to tell her. But then he said easily,
“Yeah. Another pack.”
Maya’s brows knit together in confusion, “Another pack? Like, a wolf pack?!”
“Yup. Jake has been trying to get in contact with them for the past year. He made brief contact after Novi was born by sheer accident but hasn’t been able to find them since. Quil might be our best bet. He’s got some distant family up here who might be able to tip us off in one direction or another, but Jake has wanted us to hide our presence as much as possible in case they’re spooked.” Maya’s mind was racing.
Why on earth would Jacob be looking for another pack? And how did she not even consider the fact that there may be more than just her tribe’s? A headache bloomed behind her eyes and she tried to will it away.
When she didn’t say anything further, she heard Paul’s voice echo, that faraway, underwater sound indicating that she had drifted away again, “My? You there?”
“Y-yeah, sorry. I…just didn’t realize,” she rubbed her forehead and licked her lips. That temporary relief Paul’s voice gave her each time he spoke abated quicker this time and she was desperate to clutch onto that warmth for just a bit longer.
“Maya?”
“Yeah?” she rubbed her cheeks realizing they were wet with tears.
“Baby, do you need me?” He said it so easily. And the obvious fact nearly made her knees buckle. She nodded her head violently, silently, before swallowing hard and saying:
“No. No, I’m fine. I’m just tired. This semester has been rough and it’s barely started. I’m okay, I promise,” she heard that begging tone creep into her voice again. Paul was quiet for a long time before he replied.
“I love you,” the words held the finality that signaled the end of a call.
“I love you,too.” she said quickly and hung up. When she bit down on her hand to help quell the tears, she knew there was nothing left to do now but the obvious.
For once, Maya called a cab. The snow had begun in earnest as she trekked across campus and she didn’t feel like walking or even taking the bus.
When she tucked into the backseat of the warmth and quiet of the cab, she let out a deep breath after giving the driver her address. He pulled out into the street and started driving carefully across the slick streets.
It had been less than twenty four hours since her call with Paul in the library, but every bit of stress felt washed anew. Maya laid her head back against the seat and closed her eyes, reliving the past hour of her life.
The doctor shut the door behind her and sat at the low stool in front of Maya as she perched on the exam table, her heart thudding loudly in her chest. The doctor gave her what she hoped was a reassuring smile, but it was as if Maya knew the words before she even opened her mouth.
Pregnant. She was, in fact, pregnant.
The doctor glanced down at the clipboard in her lap, rattling off some options but Maya heard none of them. That rushing sound filled her ears until she felt the cool hand of the doctor on her shoulder.
She was standing in front of her. When did she stand up?
“Take your time and come to the front when you’re ready. The nurse will have some paperwork you can take with you to mull everything over. Just let me know if you have any questions, okay?”
Maya felt herself nod and then, she was alone.
Well, almost.
She had looked down at her abdomen and just took several deep breaths. No tears came. No dread, or fear, or upset. Just relief.
Maybe that was the most surprising of all—the immense relief she felt at just knowing.
At some point Maya had gotten up, her legs numb from sitting up on the high exam table and wobbled uncertainty toward the front desk where the nurse gave her paperwork and pamphlets.
The sound of wet tires slowing to a stop in front of the towering brownstone brought Maya back to herself. That relief had stayed with her after she’d left the clinic, but as she paid the driver and ambled up the steps to unlock the front door, she was hit with a wave of exhaustion.
As the door clicked shut behind her in the low light of the foyer, she had only just stuffed the remaining paperwork she had desperately clutched on the drive over down into her bag before she heard that soft, reassuring voice that would find her in every life.
“Maya,” Paul stood next to the foot of the stairs that led upstairs to her room. Her mouth fell partially open as she took him in. He was actually here, dripping from the snow that had instantly melted as it met his too hot skin. His hands were shoved into the front pocket of his dark jeans and his black shirt did nothing to hide his broad, muscular frame.
Maya took three quick steps toward him, the tears already halfway down her cheeks as she crashed into his chest. His hands came up to rest on the back of her head as he leaned down to kiss the top of it. Maya gulped in air as she tried to quiet her sobs but she just couldn’t stop.
“It’s okay, My, I’m here,” he said softly.
For the first time since New Years Eve, she actually felt warm. That aching cold that plagued her limbs melted away instantly as she was enveloped by his warmth, his scent, everything.
Paul’s other hand rubbed against her back gently letting her take her time. It was a good ten minutes before she could pull her head away from his chest and gaze up at him without gasping through her tears. The relief pulsed in her like a new heartbeat.
“What are you doing here?” she breathed, unable to ask anything else. Paul’s gaze changed to studying her, his eyes darting around her face as if he was reading something new. It took everything in her not to dip her face away so he couldn’t see what she felt was written all over it now.
His hand crept to cup her cheek, the cold flush now infused with searing warmth from his hand.
“I needed to see you,” he said simply. “Our last conversation was…” he didn’t finish and Maya just nodded. “You look exhausted, babe.” Worry coated his eyes as he said it.
Maya nodded again, knowing if she spoke for too long, the truth would tumble out. She would tell him, eventually she knew she would, but right now, she just needed to sleep, preferably wrapped around him. Paul took his cue and picked her up under her knees and bridal-style carried her up the stairs to her room.
He undressed her carefully, found soft pajamas in her dresser and pulled them on her with ease. Maya was sobbing quietly, holding onto his biceps as she stepped into the long pajama bottoms he held out for her. He kissed the tears on her cheeks and pulled back the mess of covers for her so she could crawl in.
Paul wasn’t far behind her after he stripped down to his briefs and pulled her quickly into his arms as Maya cried until everything in her fell under to the sweet relief of sleep. All the while, Paul continued to whisper reassuring words against the top of her head.
Maya woke with a start and glanced around. The bed was empty and it took her a minute for things to come into focus. How long had she been out? The room was dark and void of sound except for the occasional cricket outsides. Crickets?
As the fog slowly cleared from her mind, she got out of bed, her feet touching the soft squishy bed of moss that sprawled out in every direction. Glancing toward the window, Maya realized that the moon was full, shining bright and eerie through her french doors that had pushed themselves open. A small, cold wind pushed around the white mist that hung just above the moss, causing it to curl and creep toward her as she padded quietly over to the balcony that lay beyond.
Maya swallowed thickly, a great unease growing in her stomach as she walked slowly toward the open double doors. As she looked around her dark bedroom, the damp smell of earth invaded her senses, and suddenly there were wide trunk evergreens and ferns growing around her armoir, her bed, and vanity. This forest was familiar, but it didn’t feel like the one from home. And still, that unease grew. It didn’t help that as she approached the doors, a deep rumbling became to sound throughout the forest.
When she dared to take a breath, her exhale came out in a fog around her. The tips of her toes touched the threshold of her balcony doors that now rested in the middle of the forest, and beyond it, it was simply pitch black. Maya squinted into the darkness as the rumbling grew louder from the other side, her breath coming much quicker now.
She knew she should be scared, and that something was coming. But she couldn’t find it in herself to run or let herself be afraid. The dark beyond the threshold of the door was beckoning her, a soft whisper pulling her closer to hear. And Maya wanted to know what it was saying.
Chills ran down her arms and legs, exposed to the drifting cold coming in through the doorway. The rumbling grew louder, as if the sound of great large feet pounded on the forest floor and were headed straight toward her. Still that sound beckoned her, knew her name even.
She took one step onto the threshold, a deep and sharp cold covering her foot as the sound grew:
‘Mayaaa, mayaaa, maya, maya-maya-maya-maya!’
“Maya!”
Strong, warm hands gripped around her stomach and pulled her back against a warm body. Maya’s eyes had shot open at the sudden warmth with a gasp and she began to pant, as if realizing she had been holding her breath.
She was standing in front of her balcony doors. They were pushed wide open to the cold wind and snow that had started to fall in the middle of the night. A single footprint in the thick snow just past the threshold of the double doors showed how far she had made it in her sleep. Paul gave her a moment to catch her breath, still holding her tightly to him, his hand absently rubbing across her belly and sides.
“You were sleepwalking,” he said, the concern evident in his voice. Maya closed her eyes a moment and rested her hand over his as it stilled on top of her stomach. “Has this been happening a lot?”
“I–,” her voice seemed to crack some then and Paul’s hands instinctively tightened on her. Maya was so tightly wound with the weight of everything that she thought she’d burst.
“Baby, please,” he was almost begging now, his lips coming to kiss the expanse of her shoulder, “What is it? What’s wro—”
“I’m pregnant,” she whispered. He’d heard her. His lips had stopped their journey toward her neck and she felt his body go stiff. His hands twitched ever so slightly against her stomach and the quiet was all of the sudden deafening. Maya focused on the snowflakes that started to fall gently onto her balcony. But he turned her slowly to face him, and cupped both of his hands on either side of her face and lifted it slowly up and up to look at him.
“You’re..” his words seemed stuck, a slight sheen of tears in his overwhelmingly hopeful eyes. Maya was trembling in his hold though and the immense weight of everything still sat heavy on her heart. He tried again: “You’re pregnant?”
Maya couldn’t hold it in any longer, a sob of relief broke from her throat as she nodded, tears streaming wetly down her cheeks. Paul still held her face in both of his hands as she frantically nodded. Just admitting it to him relieved the weight of that stress she had been carrying for weeks. She couldn’t see him clearly through the tears but she felt him start to tremble. Maya let her hands fall to his waist as he brushed the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs.
It felt like forever, the dam of stress breaking and washing relief through her body as she sobbed into his hands but when she could finally breathe, the sobs still hiccuping from her chest involuntarily, she saw him smiling around his own tears as he gazed down at her with so much love and concern.
“Really?” His voice was a deep well of emotion and it pulsed through her, filling her with warmth and relief. She nodded fervently again and managed to squeak out a barely audible,
“Yes.”
His lips pressed firmly to her mouth, his hands still cradling her face as bubbling laughter broke free from him.
“It’s going to be okay,” he murmured against her lips, his arms falling to wrap around her tightly. He pulled back just enough to meet her eyes, “It’s going to be okay. You’re okay,” Paul’s voice soothed.
Maya gulped down air trying to quell the tears that continued to fall in earnest, but it was no use. Everything she had been trying to hold together for the past month had broken open and there was nothing left to do but let it all spill out. And Paul was there to catch her.
He was always there to catch her.
Maya’s body shook against his as she continued to cry, letting each wave of relief his calming voice gave her seep deep into her bones. She sank further against his chest, letting herself relax as he swayed her gently from side to side.
“Everything’s going to be okay, My,” he whispered into her hair.
And it would be, wouldn’t it?
Maya woke up groggy the next morning. The light filtering in from the windows was low enough that she couldn’t really tell what time it was, but snow was still falling steadily outside. As she turned over, she let her hand automatically reach for Paul next to her, but he wasn’t there.
She sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes and looked toward her bedroom door where it sat partially open, a shadow walking back and forth slowly on the landing as he spoke in low tones.
He must be on the phone, she thought. He was speaking in a calm, quiet way that set her belly warming. Paul was here. And he said everything would be alright. And he knew now.
There was so much relief in him just knowing that she was pregnant. Was that normal?
Maya ran a hand through her disheveled hair and blew out a breath. Somehow telling him made it all the more real. She knew it would but now that relief started to be eaten away by the worry of what would come next.
Would he try to take her back to the rez? Would she essentially be put under house arrest? He had been getting so much better with giving her space and trusting her and their relationship despite the distance and now…this.
Maya looked down at her flat stomach and swallowed thickly. She heard the warm murmuring of Paul on the phone cease and the door creak open softly. As she looked up at him, she couldn’t help but gasp softly.
He always seemed to take her breath away, this beautiful man who had chosen her in so many ways outside of the imprint and now they were hurtling toward an all too certain and serious future. But still, Maya just felt relieved that he was here. He placed his phone in the backpocket of his jeans as he walked slowly toward her and sat on the bed.
Maya smiled softly as he reached out and touched her cheek, letting his thumb swipe back and forth across her jaw for a moment before letting it fall to the bed.
“How are you feeling?” his voice was gruff and sleepy. Maya nodded and said just as softly,
“Good. How are you?” she paused and then, “Feeling, I mean.” She unnecessarily clarified. He was watching her intently as if one wrong move and she would flee like a startled doe.
But Maya had never felt more solid under his wary gaze.
“Good,” he said. And then, a smile like the New York City sunrise broke over his face as he looked down at the bed, sheepish even, and let out a warm chuckle, “Really, really good.”
When he looked back up, Maya was smiling wide now and nodded her reassurance. He let himself soak in that joy for a few more seconds before schooling his face into one of serious reassurance and said, “My, look, I know this is bad timing and I’m not asking you to decide anything, but I—”
“Paul,” she cut him off, reaching across the mattress to place her hand on his. “It’s okay. This is good.” He watched her again carefully and then let loose a long sigh before collapsing fully on the bed staring up at the ceiling. And then, he just started laughing.
The sound filled Maya up, causing butterflies to fill in her stomach and run goosebumps down her arms. He was happy and that realization filled Maya with so much joy she thought she’d burst.
Maya’s smile stretched wider as she laughed softly shaking her head as he wiped an errant tear from his eye and took a deep breath, settling his laughter after a couple of minutes.
“Fuck,” he breathed out softly, turning his head on the bed to look at her to make sure she hadn’t disappeared on him.
“Fuck is right,” Maya sighed, not quite letting go of her smile. She was terrified, she couldn’t negate that fact as it bubbled somewhere beneath the surface, but right now, that worry was smoothed over with the salve of Paul’s joy.
“Can we talk about it now?” he said slowly. Maya took a deep breath and leaned up against the headboard, nodding her head and running a hand through her disheveled hair. Paul leaned up on his elbow and set his other hand on her exposed thigh, stroking gently.
“Yeah, let’s talk,” she said with some finality in her voice.
“Have you been to the doctor yet?” Paul’s tone was gentle, so gentle. And Maya knew he was treading carefully.
“Not yet, no. I had it confirmed at the campus clinic, but…nothing officially looked at,” she looked down at her stomach and raised her eyebrow.
“Can I come with you, then?” Maya looked up quickly, her face filled with loving surprise. He seemed unsure.
“Of course. Yes, I want you there,” she replied earnestly. He had to know she wanted him there. Here and now and into their future. “I’ll call today and see about getting something scheduled this week.” Maya reached for her phone and then paused to look at him. “You’ll be here this week, right?” Now it was her turn to be uncertain.
“Yeah, I’m not going anywhere,” he responded quickly. They were trading reassurances and something about that made Maya glow.
“Good,” she opened her phone and checked her calendar briefly before setting it in her lap to look at him again. “I’m not going back to the rez until the end of the semester.” She needed to say it now, before he got any ideas.
She saw his jaw tick with tension but he nodded, “Of course. I won’t make you leave, but I need to stay here with you. We can go back together when the semester is over.”
“Right,” she nodded and felt a flush of relief. At least that felt good. “What about pack duties? Won’t Jacob need you?”
“He can deal for awhile. And he’ll understand,” Paul said firmly, “When we decide to tell him, that is.” That made Maya smile. It felt like he was choosing her all over again. She tried to hide the blush that came over her cheeks and then took another deep, steadying breath.
“Wait, who were you on the phone with just now?” her curious gaze followed his as he looked toward her open bedroom door for a moment.
“Rosalie,” he said with not much regret in his voice as he normally held for her, “She and Emmett are on their way back to keep you company while I take care of something up north for a couple days.” His tone was casual, but he seemed anything but. The tension holding onto his body made Maya’s pulse tick with worry.
“I thought you were staying here,” Maya let out a laugh of surprise and couldn’t help placing a hand over her stomach. Paul’s eyes zeroed in on the movement and stared at her hand for a half second longer than he probably meant to before looking back up at her. She let her hand drop to her side as she stared at him.
“I won’t be gone very long and it’s something that needs to be done. Don’t worry, I won’t miss anything,” he promised. Maya made to stand but he grabbed her wrist and tugged her toward him. Maya crawled toward him up on her knees and braced her hands on his broad shoulders.
She leaned down to place a soft kiss to his lips and he wrapped his arm around her pulling her closer, sitting up and making her straddle him across his lap. When he finally broke free from the kiss, Maya took a deep breath. He was smiling that crazy affectionate smile at her again and it made something tighten sweetly in her belly.
“Pregnant, huh?” he said in a low tone, his warm breath fanning across her face.
Maya rolled her eyes playfully and he tightened his arm around her, “Yeah, how’d that happen, I wonder?” she teased.
“I didn’t mean to,” he chuckled, shaking his head and brushing the tip of his nose against hers.
“Uh huh,” her tone dripped with sarcasm.
“I am happy though,” his lips brushed ever so lightly across her own, teasing her, making her start to feel so very warm at the apex of her thighs.
“I am too,” Maya replied after a moment.
“Are you?” he asked with that same edge of uncertainty in his voice. Maya rolled her hips against his and he let out a groan. When she just nodded, he nipped at her lower lip and said in that warm, gravelly voice that sent sparks shooting down her spine, “Show me how happy you are then.”
His lips were on her throat, sucking and nibbling making Maya squirm on his lap. She tipped her head back to give him more access and let loose a self-satisfying moan that she felt vibrate the skin of her throat against his warm lips.
Paul’s hands gripped her waist tightly under her sleep shirt, trailing kisses down her collarbone and back up her throat. She could already feel how hard he was beneath her and she rolled her hips again seeking friction against him. Maya’s hands coasted down his chest and pulled up his shirt over his head quickly before diving toward him. He fell back onto the bed, taking her with him as she sat on top of him.
There wasn’t much left to remove between them and in a flurry of quick movement and a rustling of sheets, Maya was suddenly naked atop him and lowered herself slowly onto him, tipping her head back in a moan of relief.
There was no more avoidance, no need to keep anything hidden. She felt blown wide open with the realization that they—she—was pregnant. Her whole life had changed in a matter of years and all that mattered now was having Paul with her in this moment.
She looked down at his face, open and vulnerable in his own relief and exaltation. Their eyes connected and that familiar anchoring feeling that she knew was the imprint cinched inside her. Maya braced her palms on his bare chest as she rocked herself up and down his length, panting and reveling in the thrill of connection between them.
The unknown used to terrify Maya, and in some ways it still did. But right now, this made sense and she was going to chase that feeling to help keep her afloat these next seven months and beyond.
Paul gripped her hips in his hand, rolling his hips up to meet hers firmly as a groan of appreciation spilled from him. Maya leaned down to connect their mouths in a soft and heady kiss letting the morning take them in in all it’s slowness and quiet.
Maya shuffled precariously on the icy sidewalk, Paul’s hand gripping hers, as they made their way toward the OBGYN’s office. Carlisle had recommended them and made sure Maya was able to see them within just a few days of Paul returning from his “last” excursion up north in search of the elusive pack he and Jacob had been tracking for months.
Maya hadn’t even tried to ask any more questions around that little sidequest, she was too engrossed in her world tilting and shifting as she came to grips with her new reality. It didn’t help that Rosalie had been a flurry of excited activity in the house since Paul had let them know the other morning. With all of the attention and talks and excitement brewing in their townhome, Maya was happy to have a moment’s reprieve alone with Paul, as they made their way to their ultrasound appointment.
The office was extravagantly comfortable and although Maya had long ago given up on feeling out of place when being taken care of by the Cullens, or Paul for that matter, she was still nervous when the well dressed (and frankly well rested) nurse guided her and Paul back to their private examination suite.
The whole experience felt more like a trip to the spa than anything, wrapped in a soft terry cloth robe, on top of a warming medical bed that smelled like a calming blend of eucalyptus and rosemary.
Her doctor—Dr. Franklin—was overwhelming kind and talked her through everything as she ran some diagnostics, completed her exam and slowly set up the ultrasound machine. Paul was determinedly asking his own questions, his brow furrowed as if he was taking notes to every answer he was given. Things like: “When will she experience morning sickness? What can I do to make her more comfortable? Are there therapies that we should be considering or treatments that will help her body transition more comfortably as she progresses?”
Some of the questions truly had Maya floored. What did Paul know about imprint pregnancies that she didn’t just yet? She’d have to ask Becks.
Becks. And Keye. Fuck. Maya needed to tell them and soon. She and Paul weren’t planning on returning to La Push until spring break, which wasn’t until the end of March. But there was no way she could go that long without telling them what was up.
She made a mental note to facetime them this week to let them know when she heard the Dr. Franklin’s voice pull her from her reverie.
“Ready, Maya?” she said softly, holding the wand aloft.
“Oh! Yes, sorry. Was lost in my thoughts for a second there. The to do list is getting long,” Maya laughed to herself and she undid her soft robe to expose her belly. Paul stood next to her, refusing the comfortable rolling stool they’d offered him earlier. He gripped her hand in his and smiled down at her.
Her stomach still looked relatively flat but she was starting to feel a small rounding below her belly button that had given her a moment of pause.
The warm gel was smoothed gently across her belly followed by the warm pressure of the ultrasound. Dr. Franklin found the image she needed with ease and smiled at the display as the little shape came into view. She learned over and touched the screen to turn on the speakers and a reassuring wet thumping sound filled the room.
It was like the sun sparkling through gentle rain in Maya’s vision, as she listened, enthralled by the small, echoing sound and the fluttering heart on the screen.
“Looking good, you two. I’d say preliminary measurements are putting you at about 8 to 10 weeks. Heartbeat is strong and the sac around looks good. All signs point to healthy, but we’ll get a much firmer picture with your results here soon,” Dr. Franklin smiled up at them and Maya just sucked in a sharp breath.
Her own heart was racing and she had been flooded with so much joy that time had seemed to stop. Only Dr. Franklin’s soft voice reached her in that room with the reassurance that their baby was there, healthy, perfect probably.
Maya tore her eyes away from the screen to look up at Paul. His own eyes were glued to the fluttering image, his mouth slightly open and tears gently rolling down his cheeks. He was stunned, just as Maya had been just a moment ago. Completely glued to the realization that this was real, and they were on their way to becoming parents.
“Paul,” Maya barely said above a whisper. He blinked suddenly as if he was coming out of a trance and looked down at her. There was something new there, but the feeling was the same. Joy, unfiltered, unfettered joy. He let out a wet laugh and leaned down to kiss her before turning his head to look at the screen again.
“I’ll get these printed out,” Dr. Franklin said with a knowing smile on her face as she took more pictures with her wand.
Maya was tucked into the oversized armchair within the study biting her fingernails as she tried to get up the courage to begin the facetime call with Keye and Becks. She’d coordinated a call earlier that week, just a few days after her ultrasound, and had been putting off the call in her mind so that she could catch up on some school work.
Everything had been put on hiatus, her pending internships, her summer plans, even the wedding. And now she was trying to come to grips with telling….everyone.
It had been somewhat easy, just having Paul, Rosalie and Emmett knowing. It felt quieter, more contained and Maya was able to enjoy the small moments of realization that this pregnancy had on her as they came without the onslaught of everyone’s emotions and excitement. She knew it might be selfish, maybe even a little unfair, but this moment was something she’d never really truly have again and she had just wanted to hold onto it for a bit longer before opening it up to everyone else.
But that time was quickly coming to an end. Her mother had been calling her nearly non stop wanting to finalize some decorations and venue ideas for the wedding. And get her fitted for a dress.
There was no way she could do a wedding while managing school and her very first pregnancy. So she had to tell them.
Paul was tucked away in the enclosed office within the study, separated only by two glass french doors. He was on the phone with Michael, rearranging projects and setting up new ones based on Maya’s delivery date.
August 22nd. She was due to give birth on the first day of her final year at Columbia. The irony was not lost on Maya.
Paul had been as buoyant as a newly inflated balloon, happy and nearly bouncing from task to task as he managed his client meetings, ferried Maya to and from campus, took her out to lunches and dinners, and made sure every spare moment they had was spent reconnecting.
Maya sank deeper under the warm blanket and stared at her phone screen. It was now or never. She hit the video icon and watched as her face filled the screen.
Keye was first to pick up, munching on chips and walking to a different room in the apartment she shared with Leah.
“Bout time! Thought you were never going to call me back,” Keye said with only a small joking tone. Maya rolled her eyes.
“Some of us stay busy. Not my fault I've been buried under a mass of new papers since the new year,” Maya gave the excuse so easily. Keye took another bite of her chips as Becks beautiful round face filled the screen.
“Hi, hi! Sorry! Just got Novi down,” Becks said nearly breathless as she wandered into her expansive kitchen, “My, jesus you look gorgeous.” Maya’s eyebrows shot up.
“Do I? I mean, I’ve been sleeping a bit better, but I just assumed that’s because Paul is here,” Maya rubbed her cheek self consciously.
“I dunno, maybe it’s the light, but whatever you’re doing, it's working,” Becks replied sweetly as she busied herself putting away dishes. She had propped her phone up on the counter and Maya’s eyes wandered around the backdrop to see if there was any sign of Jacob.
“What about me, Becks? Where’s my gushing complement?” Keye bemoaned. Becks scoffed and rolled her eyes at that.
“As if I need to inflate your gorgeous, fabulous, head any more. You always look radiant,” Becks soothed.
“Thank you!” Keye proclaimed before shoving another handful of chips.
“So what’s going on with you two? Fill me in,” Becks said wiping her hands on a dish towel.
“Well—” Maya started, trying to keep her voice even.
“DUDE! I was gonna tell you the other day but you had to jump off the call because Ephi had like, pooped a pants load or something but, do you remember Janie Shortfeather?!” Keye cut in. Maya took a deep breath and played with her lower lip as she watched Becks eyes widen at Keye’s gossip.
“Yeah, didn’t she run off with that one guy—” Becks squinted her eyes trying to remember.
“Mike Waterfield!” Keye proclaimed, “YEAH! She did, but guess what?!”
“What?” Becks said as she pulled some fruit near her and started chopping. This was easy, Maya could let them banter and she could just casually drop it in. No need to drop the bomb right away. The nerves fluttered endlessly in her stomach as Keye rambled on about the scandal that was Janie Shortfeather and Mike Waterfield’s older brother Trevor who had apparently sleeping with Janie on the side. How Keye knew this rez-only information while not being on rez was beyond Maya.
After about twenty minutes, Keye’s gossip had come to a close and she scrunched up her face in disgust.
“Oh fuck, I’m sorry Maya, I cut you off earlier. What were you going to say?” Keye said. Maya’s eyes widened again and she sat up a little straighter. Her heart thundering in her chest.
“No, it’s fine, I just…wanted to talk to you guys about the wedding and tell you that, um—” Maya paused for just a few seconds before Becks’ gasp filled her ears. “What?!” Maya asked in a hurry. Had Becks just seen it written all over her face? How did she know?!
Becks face was close to the screen as if she was reading something intently.
“Oh. My. God. OH MY GOD!” Becks squealed.
“What?!” Keye asked only a little annoyed.
“Guess who’s pregnant!?” Becks said, her face a shining beacon of pure elation. Maya’s mouth dropped open in shock and she looked toward the double french doors. Paul was still on the phone but he glanced over at her and raised a concerned eyebrow. She must have looked terrified.
When Maya looked back at the screen, Becks’ eyes were welling with tears.
“I wanted to—” Maya began to apologize.
“Sadie and Seth!” Becks said at the same time as Maya began to explain.
“WHAT?! THAT LITTLE TWERP!” Keye got up from her bed that she had been lounging in and ran toward the other room, no doubt to include Leah.
Maya let out a sigh and then her own brows knit together.
“THIS IS SO EXCI—,” Becks was dancing around her kitchen.
“LEAH!” Keye was nearly breathless, “Did you know that—”
“He just called me,” Leah reassured her, her own face beaming.
“Oh my god!” Keye proclaimed as she tumbled into Leah’s lap in a giggling heap.
“I gotta call you back, Sadie’s calling me,” Becks said as she quickly toggled offscreen.
“Dude, this is so like him,” the muffled voices of Keye and Leah floated out to Maya. Keye had dropped her phone and it had sunk somewhere in the couch. No doubt Keye had completely forgotten she was on the phone.
Maya ended the facetime and let out a long sigh.
“How’d it go?” Paul was suddenly there, leaning against the now open door frame to the office.
“Sadie’s pregnant, too,” Maya said slowly, “I didn’t even get a chance to tell them.” Maya wasn’t even upset, she was just simply floored by the flurry of excitement.
Paul’s face was pure laughter as he shook his head at her. “Try again tomorrow, they’ll be just as excited for you I bet.”
“We’re gonna give the council a heart attack. Two pack pregnancies?” Maya joked. Paul had his arms crossed over his chest as he chuckled and nodded.
“Yup, dream come true,” he looked down at the floor and froze for a half second as if realizing something and his eyes glazed over with confusion.
“Paul?” Maya asked, “You good?”
He looked up at her and smiled reassuringly, but that strange look was still there, “Yeah, fine. Just thinking. Anyways, call them back tomorrow and tell them.”
“Right,” Maya said looking down at her phone. The imprint group chat was exploding with messages of congratulations for Sadie and already they were throwing out ideas for a celebration.
Maya, when are you and Paul going to rez-side again? Emily asked in the groupchat.
End of next week. Maya responded.
She had one more ultrasound scheduled before they left for spring break. And then all hell was bound to break loose at the news.
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