A wicked, wicked presence

I do not know my aesthetic. I'm sometimes poetic.  

[sinfuloldgod]

Nothing I find out about Edgar Allen Poe could ever surprise me. You could tell me that he committed several murders and I’d believe you. If you said he ruled a small country I’d say “seems plausible”. He’s what would happen if you crossed Jack Black with some crows, vultures, ravens and two ghosts

[sinfuloldgod]

Can we take a collective moment to acknowledge that doing subjects that you despise (in my case, maths) is utterly ridiculous? Past the basics, when will I ever need this? Circle theorem? Pythagoras? Trigonometry? It will all be useless in the future, and I will have suffered countless hours agonising over it for nothing

[sinfuloldgod]

What if we are all just someone’s OC, loved for our flaws and created out of pure imagination, existing of nothing more? Do we cease to exist when our creator does? Will we live on in someone else’s mind? Do we even exist at all if we are just a thought?

[sinfuloldgod]

My friend knows so many goddamn languages. She knows dead languages, living languages, dying languages. In a fight between her and the duolingo owl, she would win. I’m terrified of her. She’s what life before the Tower of Babel would have been like

[sinfuloldgod]

So this week I went into my maths class and my teacher was saying that my parents hadn’t raised me right and I said, “well they didn’t raise me at all” and he said “they’ll never have to see what a disappointment you are” seriously who hurt this man why is he so coldblooded

[sinfuloldgod]

My maths teacher came into class today and said to me, “your parents should not be allowed to name things. You have an awful name.” and ??? 

What did i do to this guy im so confused

[badjokesbyjeff]

I was desperate and I couldn’t get a date with a girl to save my life until…

I swiped right on a blind date, a profile picture. She asked me to pick her up, so i did, but I wasn’t expecting much. I went up to the door expecting 400 lbs of desperation, but she answer the door 5 foot 2 with baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde curls and all the right curves in all the right places. I said WOW and gave her my name. She gave me hers, so i asked what she did.

She said “I’m a Sunday school teacher.”

I said “Well, I Ain’t never been with a Christian woman before but I’m open minded about the whole affair.”

So we got in my Corvette and i was trying to impress her now. I headed to the fancyest place in town that didn’t take reservations. I asked her if she’d like to smoke a joint while we wait.

She said “Heavens no! What would i tell my sunday school children?” And I apologized.

I figure weed’s 50/50 some people do some people don’t, so i took a few puffs and then we got a table.

She ordered the lobster, I ordered the steak. I asked for the 2nd most expensive bottle of wine on the list, but when our waiter came to pour it, she declined saying “Heavens no! What would I tell my Sunday school children?”

I knew right then and there it was a bust. We ate our pricey meals. We talked and laughed. Had a great time at dinner but I drank that whole pricey bottle by myself thinking her Christ was one helluva cock blocker.

So I’m driving her home and we pass a cheap motel. I figure I’ve got nothing left to lose, so I say “Why don’t we get a room and fuck like bunnies?”

She says “I thought you’d never ask!”

I say “really? What will you tell your Sunday school children?”

She says, “The same thing I tell them every week…

YOU DON’T HAVE TO DRINK AND SMOKE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME!!!”

[sinfuloldgod]

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry