TheSingleCityGuy

I write about my dates, the lessons I'm learning and my search for love. Im a professional guy living in the City. My posts are about my experiances as a single gay guy also offering advice and humour. Don't follow if you're easily offended by crude and rude humour.

[singlecityguy]

Can you remain friends with an ex? Or is it really just sex with an ex?

We all go through different types of relationships. From ones that only last a week or so to ones that last months or even years. When you have emotionally invested in someone so deep and intensely I often wonder is it possible to just shut that part of your heart off? Is it possible to remain friends and be generally happy to watch the one person you once gave your heart to find happiness with someone else while still remaining close? Or are we simply covering the whole 'sex with an ex' thing with a more PC friendly name tag? I tried it, and I also found it to be the hardest part of the whole breakup. After all you've been through as a couple to the ultimate heartbreak when it all ends, is friends really the best option? I remember trying so hard to keep that boundary within the friend zone but I knew we had so much history and chemistry to stop the inevitable. We had sex on every occasion, often wild and spontaneous, but it still managed to break my heart all over again as soon as I'd leave. Then of course there is the jealousy, the  keep track on who you've friended on Facebook to who is liking your latest profile photo update to who is writing on their status. Then there's the reading into wrong lines, the hope that there is still something there but you're soon floored with the confusing comments he makes putting you right back in your new found place...The Friend Zone. I've heard stories of couples you since parted became great friends, best friends even. But somehow I just don't think that is an option for me. What I decided to do was forget all of that bad stuff that happened during the relationship, instead remember and cherish the good things and leave the rest in the same spot where it ended...the past. I can say since we decided to stop trying to be friends, my life became more positive and my outlook became fresh and exciting again. Could the person I once loved so deeply also have been the one holding me back? It was a possibility but one that I wasn't going to let overtake the rest of my life. It was a lesson learnt. When the love is over, bury it. Don't try and build a foundation out of rubble and dust. I was talking to a girlfriend who also shared this same view as me. She explained how trying to become friends resulted in her using her ex for "mates dates" which where pointless dinners out and road trips that would result in pity sex and false hope...on his behalf. For she knew she had no intention of rekindling that flame but couldn't quite stop herself from making the same mistake over and over. We called it "vacant sex". The type where you're present in the moment but your heart and mind are elsewhere. Every couple are different, every relationship has faced its own trials and tribulations. But from my experience, trying to remain friends was prolonging the heartbreak and as soon as I was free from all of that, I began falling in love with my life again.

[singlecityguy]

Does distance really matter?

From time to time I often wonder if the right person came along (and I use the word person because love is a universal thing) would we be willing to actually take the fall and pursue happiness...even if it meant it had to be long distance? I've had relationships in the past where its worked purely on extra effort because said relationship had been based upon the other persons career which included travelling a lot. Does distance matter if your feelings are strong? And if you were brave enough to go into a relationship which consisted of more dates over FaceTime and Skype would that affect the way you loved that person? I remember the days when we were together, in person, and they were amazing but I'm also not disillusioned and I can remember the days when we were apart and they were difficult and straining. The different time zones for instance, the jet lag, the emotions spared on because you miss each other, the lack of intimacy, the no communication for hours due to travelling and being on opposite sides of the world. There was so much love involved that I sometimes wonder will I ever experience something like that again, but there's also the realization that comes with what I learnt following the breakup. I became a masochist, knowing that the relationship was hurting me over and over but wanting to keep it going, pushing for a flame that had already burnt out. The quotes about 'Distance makes the heart grow fonder' became bullshit to me, all distance did was make me hate everything about the relationship. And undoubtedly the relationship came with the usual fucked up long distance scenarios such as cheating, lying, betrayal and jealously. Four things that become a toxic mix when your relationship has more notches in air mile tickets than it does on your bedpost.  So after going through all this would I go there again if the right person came calling? The answer is, yes probably.

[singlecityguy]

Is dating dead?

Ever been on one of those dates where prior to meeting up everything seems promising and there appears to be some sort of connection or chemistry? Then after the date you wonder why the texts become few and far apart or there is no date number two? Just read an article which pretty much sums up what is the sad but honest truth. Dating these days merely consists of, and I quote, "Textual Chemistry" the sort of thing that lacks face to face but lives on in text messages. Gone are the days when meeting someone and getting to know someone would take place over dinner and face to face, instead its replaced with 150 characters and an emoji symbolising they're wet, lusting after you or excited in the shape of a purple aubergine. Would dating even exist these days if it wasn't for Tinder, Grindr, Plenty Of Fish or the other countless online dating sites that promise to find you love but instead set you up with a share of the bill and the feeling of low self esteem or if you're lucky the walk of shame?

[singlecityguy]

j'adore Paris 

[deeplifequotes]

Nothing I hate more than wasting my time with someone I had good intentions with.

(via deeplifequotes)

[painfulblisss]

[singlecityguy]

When it rains it pours.