Single Spirit In The City

An intimate insight into the life of a single 28-year-old trying to survive the London dating game and come out the other side

[singlespiritinthecity]

The Work Connection

Gosh it’s been a while hasn't it?! Since my last blog post, I don’t think I’ve had a single second date and a whole load of disappointing first dates. I’m not guna lie though, I’d been slightly distracted...

I actually met someone IN REAL LIFE and through work. We clicked instantly, and there was an undeniable connection. Conversation flowed very easily and whenever we saw each other flirting came naturally. The catch...? He wasn’t single. Not that he was bringing his girlfriend up in conversation at all, I happened to find out through his tagged photos on Instagram. 

Whether it was right or wrong, I decided to play it dumb, continue flirting with him, and seeing what would happen and whether he’d bring her up or not. He finally caved when I suggested we go for a drink. He said he’d love to but that I should probably know he has a girlfriend. This distanced us for a bit slightly, but wasn’t enough to put off the flirting via message as well as in person. We were undeniably into each other, he was acting as if he was single and there was no doubt he was hiding our messages and us speaking from her, judging by the things he was saying to me. On one occasion, he spontaneously suggested we go for drinks. I said I was keen and he started backtracking slightly saying he felt guilty, like it was some form of cheating. Continuing with my playing dumb, I said we were just mates so it would be fine, surely. We went for a drink, there was a lot of flirting, and it was nice knowing I was going to see him again soon through work. We’d even arranged to go for another drink after work the following week.

That was when things got a bit more complicated. I decided that was a good time to call him out on how he'd been speaking to me and what was going on between us. I was very straight forward and honest, and even told him I didn't think he and his girlfriend could be serious based on how we’d been interacting. He said he found me attractive and obviously we had some sort of connection and got on well, but that he loved his girlfriend, she made him happy which was a big deal based on how a previous relationship had made him feel, and that he thought he would be with her for a long time. At this point in my head I told myself it was probably a good time to step back - I’d always take things at face value, and if someone is telling me they’re happy and they love someone I will believe it. We tried to resume normal conversation (albeit still flirty, we didn't know any other way of interacting!) and had one more drink.

He stood outside with me whilst I waited for my Uber. We were messing around a bit and play fighting, and I jokingly tried to kiss him, assuming he'd playfully turn away or push me off. But he didn’t, and we ended up kissing quite a lot. Probably one of the best kisses I’ve ever had, it was like he knew exactly where I wanted him to go with his hands and his lips. My Uber arrived, he opened the door for me and got me in, told me to message him when I got home and that was that.

I saw him once after that in a work situation. It wasn’t awkward at all, we resumed the flirting and acted like nothing had happened. There was a slight allude to it via messaging at one point, but the kiss remained unspoken.

I decided for my own sanity, and because I wasn’t going to be seeing him in a work capacity again after that project had ended, to take a step back. I still thought about him everyday, and he still drifts into my head most days now, but it’s been about 2 months now and we haven’t properly spoken since. From the times I’ve glanced at his instagram profile, he’s sometimes with her. They went on holiday to Mexico together, she went out to Switzerland to see him at his parents’ chalet for New Year. It doesn’t look like they’re going to be ending anytime soon.

Ultimately, what I know that she doesn't is that he kissed me. No matter how happy she thinks they may be, something surely isn't quite right in their relationship. It will never be down to me, or anyone else, to break them up but it needs to be a decision or realisation that comes from him once the penny drops. I won’t be waiting, but the list of things we have in common and our similarities are endless. I don’t think I’ve ever had that same connection I had with him with anyone else which is a shame for me, but also for him.

[singlespiritinthecity]

The Summer Ones

I should probably now just be known as “First Date limit” - the ability to have a decent enough first date, but can never get a second.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a great summer... I went a bit mad in Hvar and had my first threesome, I had sex in St James’ Park, kissed a random boy on the tube after a Spice Girls gig, celebrated being offered a new job by drinking all the prosecco with a guy I’d just met... the common theme being that none of these events led to a second date.

As I’ve said several times before, I happen to be someone who knows exactly what they’re looking for which can work in my favour just as much as it can work against. Ultimately I’m not willing to settle for anyone, I want my next relationship to be my last which sort of excites me just as much as it terrifies me. 

I’ve recently started a new job working for a huge company, an opportunity (as everyone keeps telling me) to meet new people, and men to be precise. Whilst there’s a fair amount of eye candy, it’s not exactly the ‘done thing’ to just start chatting to someone you don’t know in a lift full of people you work with is it?! The thought of it alone makes me cringe and want the ground to swallow me up. Also I can’t help but notice that all eligible men I’ve come across recently seem to be taken already.

I’ve lost my confidence a little bit when it comes to group situations and speaking up/making myself known without going bright red, so that’s something for me to work on. And who knows - it might even work in my favour one day.

For now, I’m taking my time, easing into the new job and just seeing what happens. Not leaving it to fate, but not being forceful of any situation either.

[singlespiritinthecity]

The Summed Up Ones

So since my last blog post, I’ve been on quite a few dates. But the reason this post is so delayed is because there has literally not even been one worth rushing to write a blog entry about.

To sum up, since Valentine’s Day there has been...

- the one I basically just used for sex. He was good looking, but there was zero connection there. The type of date you know within the first 5 mins that no matter how much you drink, the connection still won’t be there. So I went round to his rather nice flat for our second date and had sex to a brilliant view of the city skyline

- the one who worked at Brixton prison and had so many good stories. But was ultimately a little bit dim, and as we just started dating before I went to Australia for 3 weeks, it very quickly fizzled out

- the one who seemed promising - but probably helped more so by the fact that it was a Saturday night and we drank a lot. He spoke French to me which made me go weak at the knees slightly and he even made reference to going to gigs together and meeting his mates. Very keen! But not necessarily in a bad way. I had my heart set on going back to his but he was insistent the place he owned in West London was currently a mess, so we ended up back at mine and ate pizza in bed and had lots of sex. He had a very girthy penis though - to the point where I was in a constant state of uncomfortableness and limited pleasure was gained

- the one who wouldn't let me eat pizza on his sofa. The first date was good, a Sunday night that ended up with McDonalds at 11.30pm and him staying at mine because he missed the last train. This one made it to a second date at his, but everything changed after I asked if I could put my pizza box on his sofa whilst I ate watching TV with him. And he replied “actually I’d rather you didn’t, it’s a brand new and really nice sofa and I don’t want any grease marks on it”

- the one I watched the Love Island launch with at a pub. I wasn't overly attracted to him initially but he had great chat and was super confident. I would have seen him again but I got the below message from him after I asked when he was going to ask me out again (even though he was the one who made reference to a second date telling me I should come closer to him next time) 

In hindsight, it wasn't a great sight when he got out his AMEX and suggested we go dutch for a £20 round

- the one who told me I wasn't marriage material because of my nose piercing and 3 tattoos. He also told me I was probably too “nice” for him, but this was after I said I didn't see us going anywhere really but that I’d probably sleep with him. He seemed pretty chuffed about this, and we left it as a ‘maybe see you soon for some mutual benefits’

To sum up all of the above, I’ve basically been enjoying myself and having quite a lot of sex. Ultimately, if I can get something out of a situation without getting hurt, I’m always going to go for it. 

I’ve also realised the importance of two-way effort. How much do you actually have to like someone to suggest a second date?

Personally, even if I don’t see a realistic future with someone from the initial meet, I would always consider a second date if we got on well enough. However, there seems to be a bit of a consistent pattern of things fizzling out all too quickly before giving things a proper chance. It’s a shame, but I’ve also realised the type of person I would like to end up with will be assertive and put as much effort into seeing me again as I would with him.

[singlespiritinthecity]

Curly Sue, Bournemouth Nomad and lessons learnt

A lot has happened since my last post: Comedback Kid is no more (we actually had a great third date and slept together, but let’s just say his new nickname is Floppy Phil, and happy to break my anonymity rule in this case) but what made me hesitant beforehand, his lack of flirty banter and ability to return a compliment, returned, along with my anxiety, so I deliberately removed myself from the situation somewhat and let whatever we had going on run its course.

Obviously sensing this, I then received the below message from him...

So that was that, a simple, clean-cut and mutual ending. 

My fourth Dry Jan date I mentioned in my previous blog post ended in the ‘ick’, it was just a bit too much and didn't feel right. I made up an excuse not to go on a second date we had arranged, and I think he probably got the underlying message so it just fizzled out naturally.

After things with Floppy Phil ended, I decided Hinge just wasn't working for me. I’d had it for months now, and I was getting minimal likes a day if any, the guys I liked very rarely liked me back, the chat was very basic, they limited you to only 15 likes a day and clearly nothing good was coming from these dates. I decided it was time for a fresh start, so I deleted Hinge and re-downloaded Bumble. 

The last time I was on Bumble was the summer, and it had certainly updated since then. It was more like Hinge in that you could include information such as height, star sign, whether you were looking for something casual or a relationship etc

It was a welcome change, so I started swiping and two prospective boys popped up. 

Let’s call the first one Curly Sue.

Although he took a while to warm up via messaging, I had a good initial feeling about this one and for the first time in a long time I was actually looking forward to meeting him and having our date. Our conversation got progressively flirty, and we would message on and off all day every day for the week before we met.

The date itself was so much fun, and my first non-sober date since December! He said all the right things including all of the below:

“Did you deliberately put shit pictures on your Bumble because you look so much better in real life?”

“You’re so beautiful and I’m so happy right now”

“I’m going to take you abroad somewhere”

“One of the things I like most about you is that you’re actually really cool”

“I feel so lucky to be on a date with you”

He ended up staying the night and needless to say it was 1000x more satisfying than Floppy Phil. Saying that, he farted once or twice in his sleep and also when he went to the toilet and couldn't figure out how to lock the door... a bit awkward, but tried to overlook it as a natural bodily function (!) 

He asked me the next morning if I thought he’d earned a second date, to which I obviously replied yes. He said he was free on Thursday, which also happened to be Valentine’s Day. I felt super happy after he left, completely confident in myself and in the date that was to follow. Finally, I felt I had met someone I could potentially see something with who I could also be myself with totally and who actually seemed to like me a shit tonne. 

The next day we spoke loads and mulled over the previous night and how good it was, but over the weekend I started to sense he was becoming more and more distant. My instinct was telling me he was having second thoughts and panicking about it getting so intense so quickly, even though I told him I was looking for something serious and he said the same, despite only breaking up with his months a couple of months prior to that. They had been living together but he explained the relationship had been over long before they moved out.

Something in me told me to bite the bullet on Monday and ask if we were still on for Thursday, to which he replied...

So that was that. To be honest, the worst part was getting the instinct but not having full clarity on what was actually happening and how he was feeling. After the conversation above, I felt like a weight had been lifted slightly. Yes, it was disappointing because we got on well, I thought we were on the same wavelength and that it could have gone somewhere, but also we had only been on one date and I thank god it wasn't anymore.

The second date I want to tell you about was with a freelance cameraman living at home in Bournemouth but also semi based in London for his job, and looking to move to the capital asap. Let’s call him Bournemouth Nomad. 

We had so much in common, but had originally agreed to meet on Sunday when I was at the height of my angst with Curly Sue so decided it wouldn't have been fair to meet him then when I knew I wasn't going to be on great form. So we agreed to rearrange for Wednesday when he was next back in London.

Pretty much as soon as we met, I knew there wasn't anything there. He was a bit awkward, the conversation didn't feel genuine on his part and it was a bit stilted. I knew he was nervous, but when he did ask questions it was almost too try hard. The conversation didn't have a natural flow and I didn’t want to waste my evening with someone who seemed perfectly nice but I knew there wasn’t going to be any sparks with.

When I returned with our second drink (he bought the first round, I thought it only fair for me to buy a second), he said something about how great it was to finally meet at which point I knew it was my chance to say I was feeling more of a friend vibe. I also ended this sentence with “not sure but you probably feel the same?”

What could the poor boy do but agree with me.. so we finished our second drink politely and said our goodbyes, and I got my evening back. 

One thing I’ve learnt is that our time is precious, and honesty is everything. It certainly avoided the awkward text conversation that would have proceeded. 

So, I’m writing this on Valentine’s Day 2019, and this is where I’m currently up to. I’m kinda happy just doing me for the moment, I like having a few swipes here and there and flirting with boys I might never meet, I like going home straight after work and having dinner, watching crap TV and kidding myself I’ll be getting an early night.

I like going to the gym on my lunch breaks and not having to worry about wearing clothes that aren't gym leggings or putting make-up on.

I’ve learnt that if something is right, it’s also easy. There will be no anxiety, whether that’s before or after I meet “the one”, and I will still be able to be myself 100% which I always feel I have done. But with the right person, I won’t worry about saying the wrong thing or being too forward.

What makes me unique is the mistakes I’ve made, the insecurities I feel, the pain I’ve been caused and everything I’ve been through in the past and the right person will accept the whole package. 

[singlespiritinthecity]

The Dry Janners

Right guys, I’ve got some good news. I’m in a much, much better place than I was pre-Christmas. Happy New Year 2019!

I’m also a Dry Jan dating convert. There are SO many benefits to it... no foggy head the next morning, no drunken kissing (occasionally sex) regrets, I don’t eat loads of crap post-date (or order an Uber Eats McDonalds so it’s there by the time I get home) and it’s SO much cheaper (did you know soda limes are actually only about 20p?!) Not to mention the fact that I actually get a vague idea of whether or not I genuinely fancy the person with a sober perspective.

I’ve been on Dry Jan dates with four separate boys and I’m about to tell you about them now. 

The first one was with someone who’s from the same neck of the woods as me. He also sounded quite funny over messaging, but... he was a teacher. Normally this is one of my dealbreakers (there’s a few reasons for this, the main one being that I just don’t think I could handle the amount of holiday they get. Jealousy would turn to resentment, I’m sure of it) but we got on well enough so I tried to push that to the back of my head.

The date itself was good as far as dates go - we had a hot chocolate at the Southbank market (trying to soak up the remaining Christmas cheer) but he had a lot of opinions. We ended up talking about gender fluidity, Brexit, “kids of today”.. it all got a bit intense. He feels very strongly about things, and I didn’t agree or disagree with anything he said, but I just didn’t have that same passionate views he did.

We ended the night with a kiss, made reference to doing something for a second date but I never heard from him again. I was a bit bothered by the lack of effort, but not about never seeing him again.

My second sober date I’m going to call ‘Comeback Kid’, the name my best friend gave him. 

We started speaking between Christmas and New Year, and had a good back and forth conversation for a day or so. After which, one of us said goodnight and then we didn't speak for a week. I obviously assumed this meant our date we had arranged was no longer going ahead, until...

And that is why he’s the Comeback Kid. He managed to turn it round from that, put no pressure on me to rearrange, carried on chatting to me and left it up to me to rearrange for when I wanted/felt comfortable to.

So we went on a date, I drank a lot of orange juice and I would have said it was an all round great date (blocking out him shushing everyone around us when someone who’s 30th it was wanted to make a speech and also a small dose of him imitating me) and he’s a very good kisser.

We’ve actually been on a second date since - a very wholesome walk around Wimbledon Common. 30,000 steps and 1,150 calories burnt later, it ended the same way as the first one with a kiss. The only thing that was bothering me was that over WhatsApp and sometimes in person, I felt like he was on the defence a bit. So when I tried to say something nice, it wasn’t often acknowledged or replied to with a joke of some sort. I tried to address this over WhatsApp...

He read the last message and just didn’t reply. Bearing in mind it was his birthday the next day, I just wrote again and said the typical girl thing “forget it” followed by a happy birthday. The waiting was excruciating and seeing he was online the whole time and completely ignoring me, I couldn't take it any longer.

The next day he messaged me but didn’t make any reference whatsoever to what I had last sent or what I was trying to have a conversation about...

I didn’t reply on his birthday (I was still disappointed, angry, upset about him ignoring me when I was trying to speak to him the previous night) and was planning on calling him to chat about it but knew he was in Paris for work so it was going to be a busy couple of days for him. He wrote to me again yesterday asking how my week was going, so I thought I’d try and readdress the situation again

He never ended up calling me, said his day was too hectic, but suggested a walk and talk on Saturday (tomorrow) which I’ve agreed to, even though we had originally said we’d do something Friday night (tonight) but he’s probably got the hint I’m not too impressed. I appreciate the effort (although some may say too little too late) so let’s see if what he has to say makes him Comeback Kid x2.

My third date this month won’t take me long to tell you about. I had regrettably got my hopes up a bit about this one. He was quite beardy (there was me thinking that was a guaranteed sign he was going to be cool) and had dark hair, blue/green eyes, my type all over. But in person, he was a bit awkward, a bit geeky (but not in an endearing way) and I got the impression I sort of intimidated him at times. This was an absolute milestone of a date because... for the FIRST TIME EVER... I told him on the date that I wasn’t feeling it. The thought of heading home and having to send the cliched text that makes me die a bit inside every time was enough to make me go for it, there and then. So I told him I was feeling more of a friend vibe, which he said he was disappointed about but took well. However, he still pulled me into him to say goodbye and gave me a lingering kiss on the cheek... lucky escape, there.

My fourth and final Dry Jan date was just a few days ago. He was attractive, definitely my type, but I sensed he was quite nervous and maybe wasn’t quite himself because of that. He seemed so confident over WhatsApp I was expecting someone who was going to fully take the reins on the date, but I didn’t quite get that, I felt I probably steered most of the conversation. After about an hour and two pints (for him), he started to settle into the date a bit more and told me lots of personal things which I really appreciated him sharing with me. I would consider myself a pretty open and straight forward person (could you guess from the blog?!) so warm more towards those who can be open with me, so felt the date definitely improved with time.

He was very sweet and complimentary (basically said it was game over for him after we matched), and we kissed (even though it was on the tube platform, the worst possible location for a first kiss). He said he was going to send me through suggestions for our next date which I could pick from, an idea I LOVE (oh the effort!).

I’m not sure I’ve found my future husband just yet, but dating sober has been an eye-opening experience that’s for sure. And one I would actively encourage if you’re ever feeling a bit insecure and down on yourself. It doesn’t feel like a waste of money, time or effort because, let’s face it, there’s only so many pints of soda lime one can drink in a sitting! 

[singlespiritinthecity]

The Pre-Christmas Comedowns

Since deleting Bumble and Tinder in September, I’ve been on a few Hinge dates and they’ve all sort of ended in the same way - with me asking whether they think this is realistically going to go anywhere. We both then mutually agree we’re not really feeling it, and tend to leave it there.

All perfectly pleasant guys, but I never felt fully confident they were attracted to me, and always felt a bit apathetic at the thought of seeing them again. No sparks basically.

I’m not sure where this version of me came from - it may have had something to do with the last two dates I had that I actually felt a connection on.

One was someone I fell for quickly (classic me) who was probably the only guy to ever tell me that he was genuinely really looking forward to getting to know me, and that he wanted it to go somewhere. He said he was 100% ready for a relationship, and I really felt we were totally on the same page and after the same things.

We had our first date which went brilliantly and set a time and day for the second one. Then... his grandad died. He went totally offline for 3 days and I didn’t hear from him at all. He finally got in touch and explained the situation to me, said he wasn't in a good frame of mind and that he wasn't able to offer up much conversation, so I felt like I didn't have any choice but to offer my sympathies, say I was there if he wanted to talk, and leave him to grieve with his family.

And I haven’t heard from him since. 

The second date was with someone who I clicked with over messaging, and in person it was just as good if not better. We spent hours and hours chatting, drinking and laughing and as we were out for drinks near where he lived, I went back to his. We slept together, and I left the next morning after we agreed on a second date. 

Then the messages started to seem a bit more distant, so I trusted my instinct and basically had to confront and force out of him that he thought we were after different things, and that some of the stuff we were talking about on our date he wasn't ready for. 

This is probably one of the worst things that can happen to someone - having to force out of the person you dated that they’re not keen on you, when you already know deep down but have no confirmation of it, resulting in zero closure. Would he ever have told me if I hadn't asked him out right? Or was he just hoping it was going to fizzle out, and do the cowardly thing of backing away slowly?

I think the latter date was the final blow, but both dates were two major (but different) disappointments in the space of no time at all. 

Unfortunately I can’t say I’m in a much better place now. I’ve got really low self-esteem and confidence, I can’t comprehend the idea of any boy ever finding me ‘desirable’, and for this reason have taken a break from dating to work on myself for a bit. 

Perhaps the pre-empting predictions from the latest Hinge dates was a defence mechanism, but it worked and I didn’t get hurt. What they were though was a waste of time and money. And probably didn't help with this empty feeling that I currently have. The promise I’ve made to myself is that I won’t go on another date until I’m feeling comfortable and confident.

[singlespiritinthecity]

The Footnotes Part 2

-The one who gave me the most romantic first date of my life. The setting was by the South Coast which is where I’m from originally. He drove to mine, and came prepared with a blanket, glasses, prosecco and chocolates. We walked along the beach for a bit, set up and watched the sunset followed by fireworks. He was a brilliant kisser as well and it got quite frisky the darker it got. Despite my date putting all the effort in and being so thoughtful, I was only down for the weekend and when I got the train back to London I think it dawned on us both that it just wasn't going to work long distance

-The one who was studying physiotherapy and gave me a massage on the date, in a pub. This was also a weekend date on the South Coast, he was very sexy and a brilliant kisser.

-The one who was too good to be true. We dated for a few weeks and I couldn't get enough of him. We would lie in bed for hours listening to all the pop punk classics and had sex to the Angels & Airwaves album. When I told him later on down the line that I wasn't interested in dating anyone else, he freaked out and told me he wasn't ready to commit. He told me this at 1am when he was in my bed, and he was living in Leicester at the time so he had no way of getting home. 

In hindsight, I think his belt buckle (hideous, also who wears belt buckles these days?) and the amount of time he took to do his hair in the morning (at least an hour, and it still didn't look great) would have put me off eventually

-The one who took me to see Wicked on our third date. Best third date ever!

-The one who convinced me to come back to mine after the first date so he could watch the rest of Black Mirror S3. I also didn't fancy him when I first met him, but his chat and humour won me over and we ended up dating for a few months. One of our dates that sticks in my mind most was we went to a late night opening of the Science Museum with unlimited free drink. Things ended because he had some underlying issues and a bit of a temper, and it took it’s toll

-The one who arranged a second date with me, only to tell me when I asked what the plans were that he was actually considering going home for the weekend. I should have known he wasn't the one on the first date when we were buying G&Ts in Waitrose and he asked whose round it was

-The one who insisted it was more than just a bang... before proving himself wrong. This was someone who I decided to believe when he told me he had never “done casual” and was looking for something more substantial. The reason I originally doubted him? Because the majority of our conversations revolved around sex. Yes, I was the one who started these chats, but a girl’s gotta know what she’s working with! Anyway, we had planned our first meet to be drinks, followed by him coming back to mine.. after him hardly asking me any questions for the next few days, and asking for pictures instead, I decided it might be a better idea just to go for drinks (even though I sort of had the intention of inviting him back anyway - this was more of a test). A test which he failed - he agreed to the drinks, then a few hours later came out with excuses (see screenshot) TEST FAILED.

-The one who bought me a G&T I really didn't want. I wasn't having a great time, and I met him quite late on a Saturday (after having dinner and a few drinks with a friend first). So instead of forcing it down, I caught the gin in my straw by putting my thumb over the end of it, moving it subtly to my side, and emptying the contents on the floor (we were sat outside so I didn't feel like I was making a mess). I apparently thought I was being more subtle than I actually was, my date caught me in the act and said if I hadn't wanted the drink I should have just said.. eek. Think I covered it up pretty well by saying it was a subconscious thing I did. After all that, he still kissed me and asked me on a second date! Needless to say I politely declined the latter.

-The one who turned out to be like all the rest.

We started speaking on Bumble, our messages got quite lengthy and I was speaking to a couple of other guys so forgot to reply to one of his messages. Rather than leave it, he double messaged me asking if I wanted to go for a drink. I was pretty flattered that he’d bothered to chase me up, so we swapped numbers and carried on speaking over WhatsApp. 

We were meant to go on a date recently, but the biggest spot came up on my chin so I decided to make up a believable excuse and postpone it a few days. My excuse was that our house had been burgled... he was actually really sweet about it, tried to call to check I was ok.. things I took as all being good signs. 

One evening though, our conversation took a bit of a turn - he became quite suggestive without my prompting. I called him out on it, suggested he was after one thing and basically said thanks, but no thanks. I was looking for something more... He said sorry if he made me feel uncomfortable, that he was looking to meet someone special (but never actually tried to correct me). I didn’t reply, my instincts were telling me this probably wasn't the thing I was looking for. I then received the below message from him the next morning... always trust your instinct!

[singlespiritinthecity]

The Dominant

This was probably more of an experiment than anything else, to test myself, what I wanted and how I was feeling.

I joined a website called Seeking Arrangement - I wasn’t really sure what to expect, or even what I was looking for but if I’m being completely honest I was hoping to find an arrangement involving money, where I could be paid for offering some sort of non-sexual service. Funds were pretty low, and I was looking for ways to make a bit more money.

I’d read stories from other girls who had joined the website and entered into “online relationships” with rich, busy, lonely men who were just looking for some company and wanted to exchange messages and photos etc. The girls were called “Sugar Babies” and the guys (you guessed it!) Sugar Daddies.

I spoke to some men, but nothing really felt right for me. Until I came across one guy, The Dominant, who was in his 30s, German and very good looking. We started talking and he told me the arrangement he was after - a “submissive”, someone he could see when he was in London as he travelled a lot with work, someone he could buy clothes for (it had to be what he chose), and have sex with, all on his terms. I was intrigued, I found him very attractive and I loved how demanding he was so decided to go for it.

We swapped numbers and his dominant, controlling side started to come through immediately. He would tell me when he was going to call, and that if I didn't answer I would be “punished”. When we spoke it felt quite natural, he asked me lots of questions about myself but didn’t tell me much about him. 

We agreed on a time and a place to meet up, King’s Cross by the river. I was so nervous - he told me I should refer to him as Sir, but he said we would just be meeting up to discuss arrangements, and what I could expect from our “relationship”.

We chatted and walked along the river, he made a point of telling me where I should walk and that he was to walk on the outside at all times. He also grabbed the back of me neck at one point in a seductive but strong manner, which I surprisingly really liked. He told me that within our arrangement, he would buy me clothes that he picked out for me to wear when I see him, and that he would expect me to drop everything to see him when he’s in London.

Despite getting a kick and thrill out of everything with the Dominant, I think he probably sensed my slight hesitation when we met so told me after a few days that it wasn't going to work. 

I was a bit disappointed because I felt like I wasn't good enough for him, but ultimately it was probably a lucky escape as it sounded like an arrangement you couldn't get out of easily.

[singlespiritinthecity]

The Christmas Coincidences

I’ve been putting off writing this one as it was a bit of a double shocker whammy, but it’s one I definitely felt I should include in this blog. 

I was speaking to two guys over the Christmas period, lets call them Coincidence 1 and Coincidence 2.

I went on a date with Coincidence 1 before Christmas, which was brilliant. We work in the same industry so felt like we had lots to talk about and a lot in common. The mix of mulled wine and Christmas Spirit meant that he ended up back at mine. 

I can’t say the sex was any good or lasted very long (not to give too much away here but it was probably a couple of thrusts if that) but it didn't put me off seeing him again. We carried on speaking over Christmas, a few very long messages a day, and arranged to do something again when we were both back in London in January.

Coincidence 2 was someone who caught my eye on Instagram. I was out with my friend and her brother, who happens to be part of a skating scene in London, and he was showing me pictures on his instagram. Coincidence 2 stood out to me, so naturally I asked whether he was single. My friend’s brother said he was very much single, and that I should drop him a message on Instagram.

It took me a couple of months, but over Christmas when I had a bit more time on my hands I decided to message him. Turns out, we got on really well and had quite a lot to say to each other. One thing that stood out to me was that he seemed quite sensitive, I guess being a creative type it was to be expected (he was a designer, skated, wore Vans, had a beard...)

We met up pretty much as soon as I was back in London and although he seemed quite shy at first, after a few more beers the date was in full flow. He even leaned over the table to kiss me. He insisted on walking me back to mine.

I remember being pretty adamant I wouldn't sleep with him on the first date, but he was heavily hinting at coming in and staying over. I guess in hindsight I might have felt a bit pressured. But he ended up staying and although we didn't sleep together, stuff happened. 

He left in the morning after a few affectionate hours, and we carried on messaging and I said to let me know when he could do a second date, assuming he wanted to.

So now I had Coincidence 1 and Coincidence 2 on the go, and I was feeling pretty happy in this London dating triangle. 

But then a few days after the Coincidence 2 date, on the same day. literally within an hour of each other, they both sent me the longest essay of a message explaining how much of a “lovely” girl I am, but that they weren’t in the right frame of mind for commitment. Coincidence 2 even went on to say he was having therapy for some deeper issues, and Coincidence 1 had some stuff going on with his dad who was ill.

I’ve had the impression before that I give off an air of “I know exactly what it is I want, I’m 100% ready for commitment” and that has scared guys off previously.

The worst part about this situation though was going from having two boys to speak to, to none. And both for the same reason. I had taken two steps forward, but was now two steps behind again.

In hindsight, there were certain things that I now realise meant we weren't compatible and that we wouldn't have worked out in the long run. Coincidence 1 was very posh, he had weird shoes and was a bit too close to his sister. Coincidence 2 was probably too East London edgy/sensitive for me. Ironically, I bumped into Coincidence 1′s sister at a work event this week. I’m pretty sure she had no idea who I was, and all I could think about whilst speaking to her (about work related things), was that I’d shagged her brother. And she would have probably been jealous. 

Coincidence 2 still follows me on Instagram, and is pretty high up on viewing my insta stories (I’m going to add here that I don’t follow him anymore), and we used to DM each other about random stuff, but ever since I suggested we do something and he said yeah sounds good “but maybe just as friends”, I’ve avoided messaging him through pure embarrassment. Even though I hadn't necessarily meant in a dating capacity, the fact that he had replied with that makes me cringe so much I don’t think I can face ever speaking to him again.

They are both nice guys and never intended to hurt me (as they both emphasised in their messages) but the fact that those heart-dropping messages came one after the other meant this has left a bit of a scar in my dating life.

[singlespiritinthecity]

The Hopena (fate in Hawaiian)

It was at Honolulu airport after spending two weeks in Hawaii that I overheard two English accents. Being by myself, I soon struck up conversation with both boys. One was more my type than the other (The Hopena) - he had dark hair with a bit of stubble, he was really tanned (obviously even more so having been away) and had green/blue eyes. There was a pretty friendly vibe between us all, and I soon found out The Hopena had a girlfriend anyway - conveniently through him talking about buying her some cute souvenirs. Cue slight pang of jealousy.

There was a 10 hour stopover in Vancouver before our end destination of London, so we left the airport and went and explored together. By explored, I mean went and found a park and fell asleep on the benches there before having a Canadian beer and grabbing some food.

We got back to London and swapped names so we could add each other on Facebook to keep in touch. It was probably the most surreal 24+ hours of my life, and I left knowing that these guys had seen me at my best (post holiday, sun-and-sea-kissed high) and my worst (sleeping on a park bench, jet lagged, no shower or make-up).

Almost a year later, I came across The Hopena on Tinder. We matched and he said he reckoned he owed me a date. The catch? He was now working on an oil rig in Turkey, 6 weeks on followed by 6 weeks off which he would spend travelling.

We hadn't set an official day for a date, but the day he flew back from Turkey he was at a pub with mates in London and drunk chat meant he ended up coming over, turning up with his life in a suitcase. He stayed for a couple of nights, with a good balance of him spending time catching up with mates and spending time with me. 

He left to go back to Turkey and suggested we hang out again when he’s next back in London - in 6 weeks! Luckily for me, I had a 2 week trip to Vietnam planned to keep me busy, and he was back in London the day I landed. 

It was something that kept me going, although in the back of my mind it was always a worry that I was falling for him but our different situations and locations meant this couldn't really work. 

Despite this, I was so excited to see him again. He was really easy to be around and it felt natural to act “coupley” with him. 

Ultimately, there were two sides to him - the side that was work-focussed, and on the boat out in Turkey for 6 weeks at a time, and the other side that wanted to make the most of the remaining 6 weeks he had off and go travelling anywhere and everywhere. Visiting London was occasionally part of making the most of the time off - but I wasn't ever a priority and I never thought otherwise.

We don’t really talk anymore which is a shame but maybe he could feel I was getting quite attached, and I can now appreciate it’s probably for the best now. If fate plays another part in this story, then who knows - I may even see him again one day.

[singlespiritinthecity]

The RL Example

This is about a boy I met IN REAL LIFE and went on a few dates with.

Yep, that actually still happens sometimes. Can you believe it?

My friends and I were out for a few drinks one Friday evening, it was my round so I was up at the bar waiting to be served. In came The RL Example and his best mate. He sidled up next to me and sparked up conversation. At first glance, I wasn't massively blown away by him. It was nice to be chatted up, but he wasn't my type. He was blonde, probably about 5′9 and younger than me at the age of 25. But he was very confident, really easy to talk to and funny. 

We swapped numbers and carried on chatting. It turned out he didn't live far from me, so we arranged a date exactly a week after we first met. It was a great first date, the conversation flowed really easily, we laughed and flirted outrageously and he asked if I wanted to go back to his. 

When we woke up the next morning, he made me scrambled eggs on toast. I was pleasantly surprised - that’s a pretty mature thing for a 25 year old to offer someone the morning after the night before?! We ate breakfast watching the new series of Ex On The Beach and I left around 1pm.

We went on a few more dates after that - but his age and maturity gradually shone through. He would take ages to reply, wouldn't commit to another date, blew a constant hot and cold. I wasn’t impressed and decided enough was enough - we never even ended things officially, just gradually stopped talking.

Fast forward a month later, and one of my friends told me about how she met a boy out who came back to hers and they just cuddled and spooned all night after she insisted on them not sleeping together. They swapped numbers, so being a typical girl I asked to see his WhatsApp picture... It was the RL Example’s best friend I met at the bar the first night. Who had a girlfriend. Who he lived with. Who he had been with for a long time. Who happened to be away that weekend.

I obviously told my friend this straight away, we agreed on how much of a prick he was, and she deleted his number.

[singlespiritinthecity]

The Pinky Ring

This is an important one - my first proper heartbreak after my ex. And an experience that I learnt A LOT from. 

The Pinky Ring and I matched on Bumble, and his first message was that he’d be taking me for a drink the next day. I was taken aback but also quite liked the forwardness. He went to an “agricultural uni” which I didn't quite understand, and still don’t fully. I soon learnt that it basically means he’s very posh, wears a pinky ring, goes to the races and shoots and eats pheasants on the weekend. This aside, he was and still is the most attractive guy I’ve ever been with. He’s about 6′1, has dark floppy hair, a good amount of stubble, big brown eyes and is constantly tanned. Think Aladdin, but slightly better dress sense and with not as much of an edge.

We met at Udderbelly on the Southbank, and it was a great first date. He was cocky but in an endearing, confident way and still made me feel special at the same time.  We kissed on the escalators going down to the tube, and he text me almost straight after we left each other asking what I was doing the next day.

I had plans the next day, but invited him to one of my colleague’s leaving drinks the day after. He came along, met everyone I worked with and we flirted and kissed a lot. That was pretty much it, I was hooked on him.

We carried on dating for two months after that. We watched the Euros, we fought about Brexit, we cooked together, we went for runs, I questioned his choice of trousers (bright red chinos, harem pants), we had a lot of sex and he’d stay over for two nights in a row. 

One thing I should probably mention, is that The Pinky Ring had a bit of an itching skin condition. It was summertime so when it was hot at night he would keep himself and me awake itching. He said he’d been to the doctors, had tests, but no one could tell him what it was. It didn't really bother me at the time - it didn’t look like anything contagious and I thought it would just go of it’s own accord.

Whilst we were still dating, I went to Hawaii on holiday for two weeks and found myself starting to itch. This time small red bumps started to form, and it was worse at night. I told him about this and, having done a bit of research, I suggested it might be scabies. He adamantly denied it, saying he’d been tested for that previously and it had come back as negative.

As soon as I got back from holiday, I went straight to the doctors and they gave me a scabies cream to treat myself with. The itching disappeared the next day, confirming the Pinky Ring had indeed given me scabies. 

For those of you who don’t know, scabies is caught through having close physical contact and sharing bedsheets with someone infected. It had to be it.

The thing is, this didn't even put me off him. We spoke about it and he was really apologetic for giving it to me (although still partly stubborn about it being scabies), and despite how gross it sounds it didn't stop me wanting to see him at all.

Soon after I got back from Hawaii, I went away for a weekend whilst he was back home and catching up with friends at a house party. I didn't hear from him all day Saturday which wasn't the norm and sent me into a panic, so I double messaged asking if everything was ok. The message I got in return went along the lines of “I feel like this isn't working out, probably best we end things” etc 

I was so devastated I couldn't even reply, I jumped straight to the blocking and deleting off everything, trying to erase him from every aspect of my life. Not only  had this guy just given me scabies, but he was now ending things with me?! I would have laughed if I hadn't been crying so much.

He iMessaged me the next morning (the only platform I hadn't blocked him on) saying he hadn't meant for it to come out like that, that he was sorry. But the last thing I wanted to do was hear anymore of what he had to say.

For the next few weeks, I tried to push it out of my mind and get over him. It took me a lot longer than I thought, but eventually I realised we weren't compatible for each other. He needed a toff farmer girl who understood his lifestyle and had friends who could go to the races with his jockey friends. I was definitely not that girl.

When I thought I was over it enough to get back in touch, I reached out asking for answers. Where had it all gone wrong? What had I done? 

His response? One of his girl mates had sent that message to me at the house party without him knowing.

I’m not sure whether I ever believed him, but one thing was for sure - if that was the case, he could have tried a lot harder to get in touch with me afterwards to explain the situation and make things right. Yes, I’d deleted him off most of the platforms, but he still managed to text me. He could have Facebook messaged my best friend who he’d met on multiple occasions. He knew where I lived, he could have turned up there.

One thing is for sure, I’m a realist, and this wasn't adding up. 

We both eventually moved on, and I finally accepted that it would have never worked out between us. It was only when I truly acknowledged and realised this, that we started sleeping together on a casual basis.

It was actually pretty empowering - I would go round to his, we’d have great sex, and I’d leave at 2am so I could still wake up in my own bed. And I wasn't getting hurt. Don’t get me wrong - it took a long time to reach this point, but eventually something just clicked.

I guess the lesson I really learnt from this is that no matter how attracted you are to someone, you really need to be on the same wavelength for it to work. 

His friends sounded awful - really immature and a bit like bullies. There was no way I was going to get on with them, and that’s something that’s since become a really important thing for me, just like how I’d want the person I’m with to get on with my friends.

And in hindsight, he was really self centred. He never once considered how I was feeling in anything, and couldn't see things from my point of view.

Our lifestyles were so completely different, we didn't have that thing in common that really tied us together. 

The Pinky Ring made me realise what I was looking for in a relationship, and what I really didn't want or need.

[singlespiritinthecity]

The Try Hard

This started off so promising. Our messages moved from Bumble to WhatsApp where they became actual essays - finding out we had one thing in common led to another discovery, followed by another and another. We had endless questions, anecdotes, opinions and song recommendations that we were keen to share. On paper, it should have 100% worked. He fit my type perfectly.

Then came the date itself. He was awkward, didn’t really smile much and couldn't look me in the eye properly. I got my friend to bail me out of the date early so I didn't have to face any awkwardness, then confronted him afterwards about how different he came across in person.

He said he was nervous and that there had been some stuff going on with his mum recently that meant he may not have come across as completely engaged. It almost made me doubt my decision not to give it another go, but decided my instinct was telling me something for a reason. 

Some time passed and we got back in touch again - maybe I hadn't given it a proper chance? 

Nope, turns out I had. 

We met up again a few months later and went on a date to play Junk Yard Golf (I won and he didn't even let me). I even kissed him towards the end of the date thinking that if I was going to get fanny flutters at any point, that was going to be it. But nope... nothing. Just an unwanted tongue down my throat. 

Other things that put me off The Try Hard:

-He constantly made reference to money and how he would always picked breaded goujons over chicken breast as it was cheaper. 

-He doesn't like any Asian food

-He only talked about hanging out with his housemates, that he had literally just moved in with. Where are his other friends?

-He had an obsession with infernos

-He used to always message me at 2am with things that didn't really make sense NB getting drunk and dancing/singing to Westlife with Irish friends is a regular Saturday occurrence for me

-He never got the hint

[singlespiritinthecity]

The Footnotes

This is for the dates that don’t deserve a full blog post, but are still worth a mention:

-The one that I was convinced could be on the Undateables. He couldn't look me in the eye when he spoke to me, had the most forced, false and loud laugh which came at completely random moments and made me feel very uncomfortable. I had to get my friend to bail me out saying she was locked out of the house - she even text me it so I could show it as “proof”.

-The one who shared his name with one of the One Direction boys, and insisted he had been told there was a physical resemblance between them too. There wasn’t.

-The one who caught my eye when I was out on another date and then who I matched with later on Bumble (absolutely delighted!) He was pretty cool, with an edgy streak, cycled everywhere but had ADD which meant he was very twitchy and couldn't really sit still. On a cinema date, we were holding hands and he spent the whole time pushing his fingernails under mine and clicking them. When we kissed he also kept caressing my boobs in a very obvious manner, particularly to the couple next to us. Very strange.

(Also worth noting he was also probably one of the most selfish guys I’ve ever slept with - I don’t think he touched me once. Which was ironic considering the amount of inappropriate boob grazing going on in the cinema!)

-The one I found out had done a social stalk of me when we met on the date. I actually ended up dating this guy for a month or so - he was VERY good with his hands, probably the best I’ve had. But towards the end of our first date, we were doing a Google search on his phone for places nearby that were still open and what came up as his most recently searched item? Why, my full name of course.  The embarrassment was pretty clear - but it was worth getting over for! Terrible trainers though.

-The one who lived round the corner. We matched on Bumble at 4pm on a Friday, went on a date at 7pm, ended up in McDonalds at 1am, back to mine for 2am. We then found out he lives on the parallel road to me - convenient, but creepy.

-The one that I thought wasn't a date that actually was. This was someone I knew within a work capacity who I always flirted with, and flirted back with me but had a girlfriend. One day we came across each other on Bumble and he suggested a drink, which I still assumed was a friendly one. Half way through the “date”, he told me how much he always fancied me and felt bad as he was thinking about me constantly when with his girlfriend. He “missed his last train” so ended up back at mine, and fell off the bed quite spectacularly. I couldn't see him in any kind of sexy way afterwards.

-The one I dated because I remembered him from First Dates. And he was more tanned than me, and that really is one of my bonus boxes. He was VERY LOUD though, which made me feel so conscious. 

-The one who was a friend of a friend. He was Spanish and couldn’t really understand what I was saying. I had to put on a bit of a foreign accent myself when speaking just so he could keep up.

-The one who turned up with a book in his hand. Our first date was in a park in the summer, I paid for all the ciders and he’d travelled on the tube so had a huge novel with him that he’d been reading and was planning on finishing on the way back. I actually went on a second date with this guy, but was less than impressed when he suggested we split the dinner bill after I’d paid for the drinks on the first date (yes, they were just a few bottles of cider from Tesco but STILL)

-The one who came on far too strong. After the first date he messaged me saying “Was not easy letting you go then! I already can’t get enough of you this is definitely going to be dangerous.” EEK. We were watching a World Cup game for our second date which I reluctantly agreed to, and I insisted my best friend just had to come and watch the second half the match with us. He soon got the hint... and I came home and ordered Dominos chicken strippers.

-The one I regretted inviting to stay over before actually meeting. We FaceTimed whilst he was on holiday and seemed to get along well and I fancied him, so thought it might not have been the worst idea in the world to tell him he could stay over after our first date as he lived outside the M25. He turned up at my door with his overnight bag and my heart sank, but I made my bed so I had to lie in it... Lesson learnt.

-The one who had me fooled. He arranged a date for us at the OXO tower and bought bottle after bottle of prosecco for us. He even ordered us posh cheesy chips when we felt a bit peckish half way through. The clock struck 1am, and bearing in mind it was a Wednesday, it was time to go home. He took my phone off me to order me an Uber, and asked how many passengers. Confused, I answered ‘one’ obviously? He sort of rolled his eyes, but I got in the Uber and made it home safely.... Only to be met with a text from him saying “I don’t understand how tonight ended up with you going home by yourself” Charming. 

[singlespiritinthecity]

The Dirtbag (not the Teenage kind)

I’m going to skip straight to the second date for this one, as I was caught totally unaware after what could only be described as a brilliant first meeting.

The Dirtbag works in fashion, so he’s got a pretty good sense of style, very well groomed and super charming. He was also ridiculously confident which I really liked.

For our second date, we met at a pub where he was watching a Liverpool football game. The match didn't really mean much to me, but I agreed to meet him towards the end of the game so we could go off for a few more drinks. He was already a few beers down but after I caught up, we tipsily decided to head back to his. I’d already sort of pre-empted this and packed an overnight bag (just in case - there’s no such thing as being too prepared).

When we were on the tube heading East (obviously - he does work in fashion...), he asked whether I would mind waiting 20 minutes outside whilst he tried to clean his room. He looked a bit nervous but I laughed and said surely it’s not that bad. He seemed to think otherwise...

By the time we got to his, the 20 minutes of waiting time had been forgotten about (or ignored due to the amount of kissing we’d done on the tube) and we headed straight in. 

It wasn’t a good start... in the hallway there wasn't actually a spare piece of carpet I could actually put my foot on. Shoes and general dirt were littered all over the floor. 

We moved up to his bedroom, and I’m sad to say it wasn't much better. There were at least two empty pizza boxes, mugs half full of mouldy tea, and plates with crumbs in every corner of his room. The bed wasn't made, but looked as if it had a few stains. 

But I was there now, and as much as I wanted to scream and run back to where I’d come from I thought I may as well make the most of it. He was sort of apologetic in a told-you-so kind of way.

So I stayed the night. It wasn’t the most pleasant experience of my life - his mind was as dirty as his bed sheets so I’ll spare you the details of what went on but let’s just say I woke up the next morning deciding it wasn't meant to be.

Then came the bathroom... the bathroom in which I had to pee whilst having a shower because there was zero loo roll anyway, just the empty loo roll tubes all over the floor, taunting me. At least it meant I didn’t have to use the toilet that had a jungle of pubes all over the seat.

I left thinking we would never see or speak to each other again, but I actually got a text from him a couple of days later. It didn’t really say much, and felt like a bit of a courtesy text. It was also the day he left on holiday for two weeks - something I was incredibly thankful for so we could skip all pretences and I could continue to live my toilet-roll-in-abundance life.

[singlespiritinthecity]

The Short Straw

I recently started speaking to someone who, after a few days of lots of back and forth messages, asked me how tall I am.

I really don’t mind this. In fact if anything it saves me the job of asking them, just to avoid any unexpected surprises when it comes to the first date. 

I had a debate with my best friend over this - I’m pretty sure I’m 5′6 (those had always been my measurements back when it was a thing), but my friend also being 5′6 insisted she was pretty sure I was a little shorter than her. So I decided to tell The Short Straw I was 5′5 and hope for the best.

His response was that he was also 5′5 and he hoped that wasn't an issue for me.

Now, usually this would be a dealbreaker for me - I’d happily take 5′9 and above, but previously I haven’t really wanted to go below that. But because we’d been speaking for a while, and we seemed to get on well and I found him very attractive (he had a bit of Paul Rudd about him) I decided to give it a go.

I was really hoping he’d be a ‘tall 5′5′ - that his confidence would override the height issue, and he’d hold himself well enough to give the impression he was taller. 

We met on Saturday afternoon as he had a friend’s birthday drinks that evening (please note - this is a brilliant idea for those of you who are worried about having a reason to get out of something if it’s not going well). 

He was sitting down when I met him. We had a few drinks and things were going well. It was only when we both stood up to head to the tube that I realised... he wasn't 5′5. There was no way he was 5′5 because he was at least 2 inches shorter than me. 

My guess is that he was about 5′3/5′4 at an absolute push. And I can’t even tell you how awkward I felt walking next to him. We had an awkward goodbye kiss and I’m still half convinced that’s why my back and neck hurt that evening.

I wouldn't consider myself a shallow person at all, but I draw the line at how ridiculous I felt next to him. And as far as I was aware, I was about to go on a date with someone an inch shorter than me anyway?! 

Lesson learnt - if a guy asks you how tall you are, it may be likely that they’re on the shorter side.

Also, if they tell you they’re the same height as you, maybe shave a couple of inches off that.

[singlespiritinthecity]

The Wild Card

This is the one that shouldn't have worked, but just did.

He was an electrician who lived in Watford and went to Crossfit six, sometimes seven, times a week. 

I was so adamant it wasn't going to work that I actually cancelled on him the first time around. He didn't give up on me though, and we went on our first date a few weeks later once he got back from a trip to India.

He was shy at first, but I knew he was witty from our previous conversations and that soon came out after a few drinks and he had me laughing constantly. 

He was an absolute gentleman, held the door open for me, insisted on paying for all the drinks... and in hindsight it was probably one of the best first dates I’d been on.

With him living in Watford, and due to us getting carried away and staying out too late, he missed his last train so ended up coming back to mine. He owns a place in Watford, so is used to having his own space and I think he felt nervous and wanted to avoid coming back to a house share. We slept together, but it didn't last long and definitely wasn’t mind blowing. 

We agreed our next date would be in Watford and I would go to his. I actually loved the fact he had his own place - and it was SO CLEAN. It even turned out we had the same OCD when it came to changing our sheets every Sunday and general cleanliness.

I loved the time we spent together - it was so easy and I always looked forward to seeing him. The sex also got so much better (lesson learnt: never judge how good someone is in bed from the first time sleeping with them!). He made it his mission to learn exactly what worked for me and always made that a priority. Did I also mention he went to Crossfit 6+ times a week? I’ll leave it there... 

For Valentine’s Day, we went to a late night opening of London’s Aquarium. We had a glass of prosecco each (he gave me his) and wandered around admiring the sharks, fish and turtles. We then went back to his where he had laid out presents for me on ‘my side’ of the bed - slipper socks (as my feet are always cold), a teddybear (I used to tease him about his that his nan and mum gave him), some chocolates and a card.

I was so surprised and grateful, I actually found myself getting teary-eyed. 

He always left really early for work, but would come and kiss me on the forehead before he left, leaving me in bed and saying I could help myself to anything. He would always call me silly names, and send me a nice text to wake up to. I constantly woke up happy and really saw us going somewhere.

My birthday was coming up and he asked me what my plans were as he wanted to organise something for me. I told him my parents were in London for the weekend, but they were going home on Sunday, my actual birthday, so I was free then. 

For weeks I tried to guess what it was he had organised, he’d give me clues here and there which my best friend and I would pore over to try and decipher what it was, but eventually I found out he’d arranged for us to climb the o2.

If I’m being completely honest, I was more excited to see him and spend the day together than climb the o2 but the fact that he'd arranged this surprise for me meant so much I felt like my heart was going to burst.

When we got to the top of the o2, I thought it might be a good moment to explain how I felt about him and that I saw this going somewhere. I basically said I’d like to be his girlfriend. 

To give you context, he had never had an official girlfriend before, so I think this panicked him a bit. He said he really liked me but wanted to go on a few more dates before committing. I was a bit confused, he'd just arranged this really thoughtful thing for my birthday, we spent Valentine’s Day together and saw each other at least once a week and I’d stay over at his - how much more time did he need?

But I let it go, and we enjoyed the rest of the day. When we got back to his, he’d left me another surprise on the bed. A card, and a multi pack of Kinder eggs (my fave at the time). 

The next morning, I uploaded pictures of us looking like a couple at the top of the o2 to my Instagram and Facebook. ‘Ending the birthday on a high’ I captioned it. I got lots of likes and replies, and generally everyone seemed really happy for me that it looked like I had finally found someone.

The next day, I woke up and went to work as normal. It was a Tuesday. At 11am, I got a text from the Wild Card completely out of the blue explaining that however much he liked me, he wasn't ready for commitment. He enjoyed spending time with me, but freaked out after what I said at the top of the o2 and it made him realise we’re after different things. I’ve always been used to doing my own thing and being by myself, he said. 

I tried to call him straight after reading this, but he didn't answer. He said he was at work, and he'd call me back in an hour. Probably the most excruciating hour of my life... 

When we finally spoke, I asked him why buy me things for Valentine’s Day, why organise me a birthday surprise if you never saw it going anywhere?

His answer - he enjoyed doing those things for me and making me happy, but didn't mean he wanted or was ready for a relationship. 

There’s not really much more for me to say about this one, even now it’s still a bit raw and my heart hurts a little when I think about him. I couldn't go back to work that day I was crying so much, so had to make excuses and go home ‘sick’. Needless to say, I deleted his number first, followed by unfollowing him on Instagram and defriending him on Facebook - the classic breakup social media cull. I had a weak moment a couple of weeks after it ended when I messaged him on Instagram saying I missed him, but blocked him straight afterwards so the temptation wasn't there to contact him anymore. I just had to accept that our ship had sailed.

When I think back on it now, I try to remember the good times and how he made me feel when I was happiest. The part that came afterwards upset me, but that doesn't mean that what we had wasn't great for the two months it lasted.