This is an important one - my first proper heartbreak after my ex. And an experience that I learnt A LOT from.
The Pinky Ring and I matched on Bumble, and his first message was that he’d be taking me for a drink the next day. I was taken aback but also quite liked the forwardness. He went to an “agricultural uni” which I didn't quite understand, and still don’t fully. I soon learnt that it basically means he’s very posh, wears a pinky ring, goes to the races and shoots and eats pheasants on the weekend. This aside, he was and still is the most attractive guy I’ve ever been with. He’s about 6′1, has dark floppy hair, a good amount of stubble, big brown eyes and is constantly tanned. Think Aladdin, but slightly better dress sense and with not as much of an edge.
We met at Udderbelly on the Southbank, and it was a great first date. He was cocky but in an endearing, confident way and still made me feel special at the same time. We kissed on the escalators going down to the tube, and he text me almost straight after we left each other asking what I was doing the next day.
I had plans the next day, but invited him to one of my colleague’s leaving drinks the day after. He came along, met everyone I worked with and we flirted and kissed a lot. That was pretty much it, I was hooked on him.
We carried on dating for two months after that. We watched the Euros, we fought about Brexit, we cooked together, we went for runs, I questioned his choice of trousers (bright red chinos, harem pants), we had a lot of sex and he’d stay over for two nights in a row.
One thing I should probably mention, is that The Pinky Ring had a bit of an itching skin condition. It was summertime so when it was hot at night he would keep himself and me awake itching. He said he’d been to the doctors, had tests, but no one could tell him what it was. It didn't really bother me at the time - it didn’t look like anything contagious and I thought it would just go of it’s own accord.
Whilst we were still dating, I went to Hawaii on holiday for two weeks and found myself starting to itch. This time small red bumps started to form, and it was worse at night. I told him about this and, having done a bit of research, I suggested it might be scabies. He adamantly denied it, saying he’d been tested for that previously and it had come back as negative.
As soon as I got back from holiday, I went straight to the doctors and they gave me a scabies cream to treat myself with. The itching disappeared the next day, confirming the Pinky Ring had indeed given me scabies.
For those of you who don’t know, scabies is caught through having close physical contact and sharing bedsheets with someone infected. It had to be it.
The thing is, this didn't even put me off him. We spoke about it and he was really apologetic for giving it to me (although still partly stubborn about it being scabies), and despite how gross it sounds it didn't stop me wanting to see him at all.
Soon after I got back from Hawaii, I went away for a weekend whilst he was back home and catching up with friends at a house party. I didn't hear from him all day Saturday which wasn't the norm and sent me into a panic, so I double messaged asking if everything was ok. The message I got in return went along the lines of “I feel like this isn't working out, probably best we end things” etc
I was so devastated I couldn't even reply, I jumped straight to the blocking and deleting off everything, trying to erase him from every aspect of my life. Not only had this guy just given me scabies, but he was now ending things with me?! I would have laughed if I hadn't been crying so much.
He iMessaged me the next morning (the only platform I hadn't blocked him on) saying he hadn't meant for it to come out like that, that he was sorry. But the last thing I wanted to do was hear anymore of what he had to say.
For the next few weeks, I tried to push it out of my mind and get over him. It took me a lot longer than I thought, but eventually I realised we weren't compatible for each other. He needed a toff farmer girl who understood his lifestyle and had friends who could go to the races with his jockey friends. I was definitely not that girl.
When I thought I was over it enough to get back in touch, I reached out asking for answers. Where had it all gone wrong? What had I done?
His response? One of his girl mates had sent that message to me at the house party without him knowing.
I’m not sure whether I ever believed him, but one thing was for sure - if that was the case, he could have tried a lot harder to get in touch with me afterwards to explain the situation and make things right. Yes, I’d deleted him off most of the platforms, but he still managed to text me. He could have Facebook messaged my best friend who he’d met on multiple occasions. He knew where I lived, he could have turned up there.
One thing is for sure, I’m a realist, and this wasn't adding up.
We both eventually moved on, and I finally accepted that it would have never worked out between us. It was only when I truly acknowledged and realised this, that we started sleeping together on a casual basis.
It was actually pretty empowering - I would go round to his, we’d have great sex, and I’d leave at 2am so I could still wake up in my own bed. And I wasn't getting hurt. Don’t get me wrong - it took a long time to reach this point, but eventually something just clicked.
I guess the lesson I really learnt from this is that no matter how attracted you are to someone, you really need to be on the same wavelength for it to work.
His friends sounded awful - really immature and a bit like bullies. There was no way I was going to get on with them, and that’s something that’s since become a really important thing for me, just like how I’d want the person I’m with to get on with my friends.
And in hindsight, he was really self centred. He never once considered how I was feeling in anything, and couldn't see things from my point of view.
Our lifestyles were so completely different, we didn't have that thing in common that really tied us together.
The Pinky Ring made me realise what I was looking for in a relationship, and what I really didn't want or need.
Breaking up is EASY to do. Just follow this strategy.
NOTE: The goal here is to set the stage to make the other person angry enough to walk away first. This is by far the fastest way. If you can do that, you’re gold. If not:
