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Never existed.

[sinismysecondname]

this user is dead.

Go home.

[sinismysecondname]

@lunchboi

Welp, hi!  We might not know each other, but..i was actually one of the people, that wanted to send you a package, but stupid laws of Australia. 

You talk to my gf through Instagram( yep, that one with..a strange user name like 123456789010aqwe)

Name’s Nathan and i am so hecking scared to write this right now!

I know she mentioned me quite alot.. I am a masdterind behind most things. 

So, as you know, we are getting ready to dens you a small letter.(And we are still figuring out how to send all of the candies to you! We are gonna find a way! If not through the mail - we’re gonna fly ourselves)

We gathered some cute things(ussr themed, you saw them) and even drew you a thing!(I have to put alot of filters on it, so you could see it in person later)

ps...a year ago i drew Patryk as a vampire, tagging you and you liked it, before going off of Tumblr. That was..something, i can tell you. 

pps.. still scared to message you in person.So sorry.. ;-; 

@lunchboi

[sinismysecondname]

Because suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, even though you feel like said problem can't be fixed. Have you ever considered online therapy? I know of good resources I have personal experience with, and they really helped me a lot.

Yeah. They made things even worse than they are. But - oh so thanks - for the suggestion. 

The problem - is me. I can fix myself only by not existing. 

[sinismysecondname]

I know you're not, but I promise you there's others who are. A lot more people want you to live than die, even if they are strangers.

So why spend a lifetime living unhappily...if i could just finish everything off?

[sinismysecondname]

I don't think so. I'm happy you didn't hang yourself, and I'm happy you're still here.

I’m not. I’m super unhappy. Would like to finish me off sometime soon. :)

[sinismysecondname]

Well I say that those people can fuck off, ye? Wishing anyone dead, especially someone like yourself, is despicable.

They are right. I should have died a long time ago. Still, regret not hanging myself tho. 

[sinismysecondname]

I noticed, and I cared. I'm sure others did as well but just decided not to comment on the fact. No sane human wants you to be dead.

I’ve counted 10 people, that wish i was dead. And that’s only on that site. There are a whole lot more irl.

I just want this blog to die with me.

[sinismysecondname]

Yes we have, and I'm going to give you the same answer I did last time: cuz you're human and deserve the same amount of care and appreciation as anyone else, even if you are a "stranger".

Then leave that stranger be. No one noticed, that i’ve been away. No one cared. No one will care. I would have loved to be dead right now.

[sinismysecondname]

I care and you know I care >:0

Too bad for you. Why would you? I think we’ve been over that...

[sinismysecondname]

You still alive over there?

Yes. And no. Who cares?

[sinismysecondname]

Well Heya, guys. I won't be online or posting for unknown amount of time as I've been put in a hospital with internal bleeding and ..can't really do anything rn :c

[sinismysecondname]

Ehhh...update??? This was supposed to be Tord..But he now looks like he smoked non stop for hours. Yep,traditional is kinda back

[sinismysecondname]

U may feel like shit, but u urself r not shit

Yeah. Now I am a piece of shit with a hotel management degree. How exciting.

[sinismysecondname]

If sin is ur second name then what's ur forst one? 🤔🤔 ((XD ur awsome

I go here by Nathan. Nathan, Nathaniel..However you like it.

[sinismysecondname]

Tbh I don't wanna be rude but I don't hate Rusia but I don't love it. I don't like it most of the ppl in it are rude af BUUUT YOU ARE FANTASTIC! ur awsome and Ilysm -N

I am not a native of Russia. I was not born there, but I live here for almost 9 years so I can speak fluently. People here are full of shit...But, uh..no. I think i am worse than all of them combined. I just feel like it.

[sinismysecondname]

You deserve having something to look forward to and someone to live for-- everyone does. The sensation of total meaninglessness is, well, a bitch. In order to make small improvements to my life-- even if it's tiny-- I do one thing, the same thing, I enjoy doing every day. Every day I buy a different fruit at the store because, why not! It gives me something to look forward to.

People are still different. I just have no will to exist. 

[sinismysecondname]

Oh god, that's-- no. Actually, A. That's a really toxic way to view a mental illness, and B. Just plain ol' fucked up! Because really, if you have to deal with feeling how you do on a daily basis, then I'd say that makes you stronger than others think. Russia, wtf, please chill

I’m just trying to get used to this. Nothing more, nothing less..i just wish i had something to look forward to, or someone to live for.I just know that it’s not something i deserve.