Iām getting closer to my happiness. Itās hard to believe itās almost been 2 months since Iāve been here. Time is going pretty fast. Before I know it My year will be up. With that being said, itās so easy being a ghost. No one to really worry about and no one to really worry about me. Especially the ones that know Iām a ghost. They know that Iām fine. I only have myself. Everyone else? Well they have someone. Ties off some sort. The only thing that Iām leaving behind are memories. Since all that is in the past, I wonder about my future. Iāll be happy seeing and experiencing new things. The only thing I really wonder is, will I continue being a memory wherever I go? Or will I find someone along the way that can create everlasting memories? So far, 29 years Iāve been creating temporary memories with everyone. Not that I donāt enjoy them. But they are just that. Temporary. Part of me believes that I would rather be alone. No one really catches my eye or raises interest for me. I mean, I donāt even want to fuck anymore. Someone told me not too long ago āyou seem like your very much in love.ā I will say that she will always hold the majority of my heart. She broke most of it. So itās not that Iām still in love. Iām not. What I am is unavailable until someone can break the barrier that Iāve set up. I didnāt realize how strong it was. But it is. I donāt think I can hear someone tell me that they love me without me second guessing their motives. To be honest, I really donāt think that I have that sense of emotion anymore. Not that it canāt come back, but I donāt think itāll come back for a while. Tell me how the woman of your dreams tells you that she didnāt feel like she deserved you. You are too perfect for her. That really fucks with your head. Anyone would be ecstatic to have something thatās hard to believe. They let too perfect slip right away. Which is why too perfect decided to disappear. This year is going to be an iconic year for my tumblr because once Iām gone, Iām gone and all that will be left are these words. I donāt want to come back and Iām going to use everything in my power to make sure that happens. Once I step on that plane and cross over the deep blue, my whole past will drown in that open blue. I will forget everything and start a new life. My life. Good luck to the ones that try to seek me out after. But I have gratitude for the select few. Could have had it all. But in the future Iāll have so much more. Iām not in love. I have immense hate for love and any emotional attachment towards anyone. They donāt care. Actions speak louder than words, but words hold power. Itās been pretty quiet in my life and Iāve always been told that Iāve been the strong one. Fuck an apology and fuck excuses. The real deal deserves the real deal. Period.
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