eve, 21, she/they. american. this is an 18+ blog, minors dni. BLOGS WITHOUT AGES IN BIO/PINNED WILL BE BLOCKED. please put your age on your blog xx
occasional writer and full-time yapper. currently into the pitt, the oc, smosh & superman (2025)…. also a fan of mad men, addison rae, margaret qualley, caroline polachek, charli xcx, ethel cain, anthony bourdain…. and more.
asks and requests are open for the pitt/general questions xx
likes and follows will come from my main blog @sillkchiffons but I do not post there
got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?
“Do it scared” “do it alone” are all great tips, but my biggest takeaway from therapy is do it messy. This is especially true if you’re getting out of a burnout, which I experience often. Literally just do it messy. You don’t need to pick the perfect trail to walk, the perfect playlist to listen to, whatever the fuck it is. You don’t need to have a meticulous to do list and wake up at the exact time you planned and drink the exact amount of water you planned to drink. Like the biggest thing for people like me to remember is sometimes it’s okay to do it messy. Put on a random yt workout and just get it done in sweats. Do 5 minutes of a daunting task and go from there. Sometimes just getting up is a win during intense burnouts or depressive funks. Literally just do it messy.
STAY SAFE!! [ID: the Gilbert Baker pride flag with the words “Happy pride to all those who are unable to celebrate openly and safely. You are loved and seen!” in all-caps black text over it. /end ID]
WAX AND WANE: spy!tashi duncan x spy!reader. 1.5k. sfw. fem!reader.
MAKING THE CHOICE to leave was not one you made lightly. it wasn’t a whim— a fleeting thought that would disappear just as easily as it had formed in the first place— and it wasn’t made in haste. you’ve been stewing on this idea for years; you were getting out of that hellhole, one way or another.
★ … NO, DECIDING TO leave was something you’d thought about for weeks, months, years… but if you were honest with yourself, you’d admit that you’ve thought of leaving your agency from the moment you’d been sentient enough to know that what they had you do wasn’t normal. little girls grew up playing with dolls, not weapons. little girls learned the lyrics to their favorite songs, not the same words in different languages in case they were stranded in enemy territory.
little girls didn’t have enemies; however, the people that raised them did, and you were expected to do whatever necessary to ensure those enemies did not get in the way.
so when you sabotage your most recent mission— infiltrating an underground tennis betting ring to eliminate your agency’s target— your spy agency deploys the only person they know who can retrieve you and still be in one piece afterwards. sure, you’d expected the inevitable fallout and subsequent chase, but not that the girl you love would leading the hunt for your head.
“YOU GOT A HEAD START. MAKE THE MOST OF IT.”
so much for tashi letting you go. years of training together for this assignment alone, gone— not to mention the girl you thought would have your back after everything. maybe you were stupid to assume that every moment you two spent working to compete at the professional level for tennis was more than a job… but what did you know? if those american romance films you and tashi watched taught you anything, it was that love endured even through hardships and problems larger than the two of you combined.
but how much hardship was too much for even love to overcome? you didn’t know, and you weren’t going to stick around long enough to find out.
★ … THE MOMENT AFTER your text sends on your burner, it’s already in the bottom of flushing creek along with the tracker you dug out of your arm. the more distance between those and you, the better. with that settled, you run.
every bit of survival training that’s been taught, beaten, and engrained into you since you could walk comes out in full force; you take advantage of the night and its natural shadows to cover as much ground as possible all while traversing uneven concrete and asphalt in one-size-too-small sneakers. luckily, you’ve traveled under worse conditions— improper footwear paled in comparison to skimpy clothing in the snow— and you couldn’t risk the clothes you’d left in the budget hotel having trackers. anna mueller wouldn’t really miss her brand-deal trainers. adidas could send her another pair within the hour, and they would if anna’s team wanted her to have any chance against tashi in the final now that you were m.i.a. (she wouldn’t, but she could try).
you don’t stop aside for the mandatory bathroom and rest breaks, but even those are limited. every second you’re not moving is one more stretch of ground that tashi and the rest of your agency covers while try to recover you. luckily, the night passes by uneventfully, but that only leaves you with a more challenging day.
the sun, for one, poses the biggest issue, but day also means more eyes and people around you– especially in a place like new york– that could very well be sleeper agents waiting for the opportunity to yank you off the streets. if someone even stares at you for too long, you cross the street. taking the subway briefly crosses your mind, but the idea of being cornered on the train or in a station quickly changes your perspective. not worth the risk.
ideally, leaving new york is your best bet of throwing the agency off your trail. maybe you head down through pennsylvania and towards ohio to potentially find somewhere to go from there, or maybe you head up towards canada and leave the u.s. entirely. whatever option can get you away from the city faster and for cheaper is your best bet at fleeing tashi.
you just should’ve assumed that she’d already been scoping out the same outlets you were; you two always did think share the same way of thinking. but unlike you, tashi wasn’t naive enough to think she could escape. that’s why she was always the better of the two of you, always the favorite. she’d accepted the lifestyle from childhood while you still dreamt of freedom. that had always been your achilles’ heel: thinking you could get away and live to tell the tale.
★ … “THEY’D STOP THROWING you in solitary if you just listened,” she chided one evening, the rest of the girls around you asleep on the pitiful cots you all had since childhood. it’d been right before you and tashi left for the u.s., though your supervisors were nearly set on sending another girl in your place since you’d mouthed off at dinner. while tashi had been able to convince them of keeping you for the mission, you’d still ended up spending three full days in the 6x9 solitary cell.
tashi had continued with her brief examination of you, making sure there were no noticeable injuries that would not heal before flying to the states. “you’re making it seem like you want them to do more than just hurt you,” she muttered, practicing the american accent they’d wanted you to perfect by the time you both touched down in new york in a week. “i had to vouch for you– say i’d keep you in line. you can’t keep acting like this.”
“like what?” you’d snapped back, “like a child? like i’m ungrateful– ungrateful for the mistreatment and awful things they have us do, in exchange for food and a bed?”
“like you want them to kill you,” she clarified, those sharp eyes of hers boring into yours. “you keep this up, they will. let go of whatever dream’s living in your head and wake up, глупая девчонка.”
you’d wilted under her use of “stupid girl,” but she’d kissed that pout of yours away shortly after. but nonetheless, she’d been right.
by the time the sun sets after being on the run for 24 hours, tashi’s already found you. you’re in line to board a greyhound bound for toronto with a cap slung low over your eyes, the exhaustion of being on the move all day sinking deep into your bones as you shift on your feet.
“i had to skip the afterparty for you, you know,” a voice hums from behind you, and immediately you feel your blood run cold. “adidas was throwing a whole party for the winners… we could’ve been having cake, or sneaking a beer right now before we went to find the target later tonight.”
tashi pushes closer, and you feel the distinguishable press of metal to your side. shit.
“at least if i beat you in the final, it would’ve been something worthwhile to see. anna kept up the best she could, but it wasn’t fun. not really.”
you let tashi sidestep the both of you out of line, and your stomach sinks when the bus driver does his final boarding call. “how’d you find me–”
“don’t play dumb,” tashi sighs turning you to face her as her brow raises. “you were smart enough to toss the phone and the arm tracker, but you do know they implanted two in each of us right?”
you didn’t know, and it clearly shows on your face with the way tashi smile sharpens. “глупая девчонка,” she mutters before moving you back towards the greyhound station with a yank of your arm. “if it weren’t for the pretty face and skill when you do follow orders, you’d be in a ditch back home. now, you’ll be lucky to still be in one piece after all this.”
it finally sets in for you that this won’t be something you can walk away from– not if you’re betting on tashi and everyone else to play fair. so you won’t.
an unmarked sedan pulls up to the curb beside you two, and tashi nudges you in and climbs in once the guard inside has a hold on you. for all you know, your agency will still have you and tashi finish out your intended mission before dealing its punishment, but there’s no time for guessing when the gps plug-in says the next destination 90 minutes away.
you’ve got an hour and a half to get out of this mess and get away; you’ve worked with worse odds. so when the backseat door of the sedan shuts behind tashi, you do the one thing you’ve never been good at doing: you listen, because someone is going to mention where that other tracker is at some point during the drive, and that’s when you’ll have your chance to get away.
and if they don’t? that’s just not an option— you have to hope they will.
do we like how i formatted this? is it cool? made the bottom two gifs myself are we gagged lol. anyways this has been in the drafts for a while… decided to shorten it a bit to put less pressure on myself lol buuuuuut if there is interest i can/will continue! there would def be more action in that. feeling mehhh about everything and the world rn but Whatever i love u guys 💗
taglist! @jclolz22 @luckygold13 @scariffs @nozhdyved @elliesmagic8 @floristicgrave @dumbbandpoetic @coochiemama3000 @gelotime @thecontrash @over-caffeinated-after-midnight @pedaltothepetal @moondrunksiren @chrattvibe @222col @sleepyrps @sinnamongirls click here to be added!
