Serendipity @sinner-lover-joker - Tumblr Blog

What is love, why is it so hard to keep.

Love is not complicated the people are.

What is it like to be truly happy, what does that feel like? I don't know if I have ever truly been happy. I have had happy moments, moments that are now memories, memories that will fade away when I start fading away. Have I started to fade? The more I try to remember the harder it is to try to find those memories. All I tend to find now is darkness and sadness.

Sadness, sadness I know pretty damn well. Sadness is in every corner, every crack, every atom, without it, it's a sea of emptiness. I see myself in the mirror and sometimes I don't recognize who is staring back at me.

Am I truly alone by choice or by pushing everyone I know away for being afraid?

Am I afraid? Is that what this is? Or is it that I know what to expect from people and refuse to be disappointed, so I set up these walls...

unexplained-events

Abandoned Wizard of Oz theme park

A LOT of things have changed since the last time I was here, Pandemic for one. I don't think the last time I was on here had been during that time.

The COVID-19 pandemic took my fathers life Jan 14, 2021 just 10 days before my birthday, buried him 6 days later on the 20th just 4 days shy of my birthday. I miss my father. We didn't always see eye to eye on things but I know he wanted what was best for me and I can be stubborn just like he was. I took things pretty well considering what we went through.

My older sister was in the hospital for a month as well due to COVID. She actually found out my father was in the hospital because he had asked his nurse to take his phone to her so she can fix his facebook app cause something happened to it and he wanted to get back on and scroll through it. We hadn't yet told her because my mother wanted to wait until she was a little better but oh well.

The year has been tough ever since and before that I had to leave my house when my sibling and bro in law got COVID in December, I only returned a month later just a week before my fathers passing and a few days had just passed since my sister got discharged and was back home.

Life goes on, many things are different, the house feels the same but different, someone is missing and you can feel the energy of the house has changed, we are doing okay overall though. Time has gone by quick, sometimes I still cry about things, I can't listen to certain songs, my brother can't have a certain scent on the wall-plug because they remind us too much of that time.

I think therapy would be a good idea, once again. I just never got around to actually making that first step now that I currently have insurance I should pay less, still not A LOT less but anything would help.

Once again, I've rambled. I'll be back. This was slightly therapeutic.

Everything I had

I trust you, I love you, I open up to you, I have faith in you, I give you more than you deserve. I put you on a pedestal you had no place to be on. I hope one day you see me the way I see you. I shouldn’t do what I do for you but you have a pull on me that even I can’t explain.

I want to say I always wish you the best but sometimes I wish you pain.

I wish I could get into your mind the day everything changed to understand.

I wonder how different things would’ve been if we had gone a different path but this was probably for the best and I need to remember that.

It’s been a while

Well hello tumblr,

it’s been a minute, let’s catch up.

retrogamingblog

Charizard made using a 3D Pen

awwww-cute

This little man made himself at home while I cleaned his enclosure. He didn’t want to let go when I was finished, I guess he enjoyed my warmth! (Source: https://ift.tt/2CXki9Z)